My SIL, A is getting married next month; this will be her 3rd marriage. At the beginning of June, they set up an event on Facebook where you could RSVP for the wedding, which will be held in another state. DH and I immediately realized due to his work schedule as well as the kids’ school and extra activities that we would be unable to attend (plus plane fare would still be expensive even if it was just the 2 of us); we sent our regrets and didn’t give it a second thought.
A few days ago, DH got a call from his other sister, B. She told him that she spoke with their other sisters, C and D, and they had all agreed to pool their money together and buy a plane ticket for their mother so she could go (FIL is adamant that they can’t afford it and refuses to budge), and that DH needed to give $200 to help out.
DH refused. He pointed out that we weren’t going due to the cost and we didn’t have the money to spare. He also didn’t appreciate being told instead of asked. He then told B that if A really wanted their mother there, she would buy the plane ticket herself, as it’s her own wedding. B promptly called DH selfish, to which he said good-bye and hung up.
My question is what’s the proper etiquette? Should A pay for MIL’s ticket? Or is the shared cost of fare more of a nice gesture that isn’t mandatory but expected?
No one is talking to DH, MIL is upset with FIL, and A is blaming everything on DH. Please help! 0829-16
No one, even siblings, has a right to presume upon another person’s generosity and nor should anyone have an expectation that their orders will be obeyed in regards to demands for money. What people do with their money is no one’s business and the sisters made a crucial error in presuming that their brother 1) has money to spare, and 2) that he’s willing to donate it, and 3) that they can strong arm him into giving it away to the recipient of their choice, i.e. their mother.
It’s not as if this is SIL A’s first wedding. Or second. By the time a person is getting married for the 3rd time, any expectation that family must attend should be strangled and stomped into oblivion. If A wanted Mom at her wedding, A needed to make arrangements that did not involve the coercion of siblings to make that happen.