One of my husband’s friends in being married on Halloween this year. We received the invitation yesterday–or should I say, invitations! My husband’s invitation is for the ceremony, champagne reception, and evening buffet to follow. My invitation, however, only grants me entry for the cake and fizz and party after.
It’s pretty standard here in the UK to invite people to just the reception, which has taken me (an expat) a while to get used to, but this is the first time I have fallen a tier below my own husband in the wedding invitation hierarchy! I’m a bit baffled that they thought this would be okay.
Their invitations also directed us to their wedding website which insists children are more than welcome and they hope we will bring them along–but in this scenario do they think of them as my children or my husbands? 0723-14
This is hauntingly horrifying to send two different invitations to a married couple in which husband and wife are not invited to the same wedding events.
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Wow. I really hope the OP updates because this is beyond weird. I’m really hoping it was some kind of mix-up. *blinks*
Some years ago, we received an invitation to DH’s brother’s wedding and reception for us and our two children, as did SIL for her, her husband and their two sons. The groom is technically my DH and SIL’s half-brother but they have always regarded him as their younger sibling and had a close relationship.
We all lived in England, while Half-Brother and his wife-to-be, and both their families, lived in Ireland. The costs for each family – flights, car hire, hotel etc – would have been around £1,000 each and neither we nor SIL’s family could really afford it at that time. We did consider putting it all on a credit card, as for us it was an important occasion we would have liked to have attended, but in the event just DH and SIL attended.
I had a text from DH half an hour before the ‘wedding’ saying it turned out the actual marriage ceremony had taken place that morning, and we had all simply been invited to some ‘Look, here’s Half-Brother and New Wife, they’re married now’ presentation-type thing and the subsequent reception. During his speech, Half-Brother referred to himself as an only child, and New Wife didn’t say a word to either my DH or SIL during the entire afternoon and evening, apart from ‘Hello’ as she shook their hands during the line-up into the meal.
I am so glad we didn’t spend money we didn’t have to attend a wedding that wasn’t….
I do marry people. On that note, there can be two ceremonies. One is the civil, and one is the religious. Some people DO have the two as separate but most have them as one ceremony. Because I have the power to marry someone as long as I’m registered in that county with the county clerk, I have done some that were pretty much civil services other than I am holding a bible while I do so. (legally issued license, two witnesses of legal age, the words (asking each one) “You?” They reply “Yes” in turn, and I say “Done.” then collect all signatures, add the data the county gave me to write on there, and turn it in. The minimum legal ceremony)
One couple from my spouse’s work did close on a house and marry in three days. I sewed his outfit (theme wedding) as my gift to the couple and I was the backup officiant (weather was iffy). On December 31, 1999. For legal and tax reasons; they held the religious ceremony at 8 pm that everyone attended, we had the reception, and at 12:01 am, the two sat down over there, the officiant went through ceremony 2 and they signed all the papers. We all witnessed ceremony one, the religious one, and though everyone was there, few noticed ceremony 2. That way they got to file 1999 as singles to help with the tax bite, over the house.
Another good friend, her fiancée was going to deploy and she needed his health insurance badly, so they did a quick civil before he shipped (literally 3 hours before he reported). When he got back they had a ceremony 2 and invited everyone, and explained carefully about the first ceremony.
Everyone EXPECTS when invited to a wedding to see the total sum nuptuals, but sometimes they do get separated. Doing a tie the knot then just inviting to a reception, let the guests know they are going to come to a reception only. Or at least stage the civil in the morning and the religious later. I have done religious onlys, and see nothing wrong with separating the two, with a good reason. Note ‘with a good reason’. And always, tell your guests!!!!!
I’ve seen plenty of times when there’s a separate religious ceremony and a civil ceremony. When I lived in Holland, the religious ceremony was not recognized, legally, so two ceremonies were required.
Also, in my church (I’m a Mormon), only worthy members of the church who have been through the temple for their own ordinances can attend a wedding ceremony there, for others. Therefore, even though the marriage in the temple is legally binding (such as in the U.S.A.), many, if not most, of the guests can only attend the reception. Exchanging rings is not actually part of the religious ceremony (not allowed to be added, either – it is word-for-word the same, every time, except for their names), and so many people will do a ring-exchange at the reception, with a bishop giving some sort of a speech about marriage, and that satisfies most people who were not able to attend the actual wedding ceremony.
But as you say, you *tell* the guests what is happening! Don’t spring it on them on arrival!
Also, Sparkles, if that had been me in DH and SIL’s place, I think I would have stood right up and walked right out, possibly saying something about how it’s just not on for a BROTHER to invite his SIBLINGS to travel from another country, only to disown them in front of all his friends. And if I had brought a gift to the wedding, I would have picked it up and carried it out, as well.
That is just too cold for words, there. How long did it take for the family to reconcile after that?
Really? No one else thinks it would be funny for husband to show up at a church ceremony with all the rowdy kids while wife has a quiet coffee and book at a nearby café? No? Maybe it’s just me.
My husband would LOVE to only be invited to the dinners and get to skip all the ceremonies, especially if it meant he didn’t have to watch the kids.
I think that would be hilarious!
Also, the casual way the included the children really lead me to believe this couple have no clue what they’re doing with the invites.
If that happened from my brothers family, I would TOTALLY go with that. The most literal interpretation available. Bliss!
I can only hope this is a mistake. As a designer, I’m often tasked with addressing invitations for Brides and Grooms. They usually provide me with the list as an Excel spreadsheet. On occasion the layout hasn’t be set up well and guests appear on a second line, leaving it to me to combine couples. Perhaps this is what happened with OP and her husband? They may have been separated by mistake and somehow he got a Tier A and she received a Tier B? I agree with other comments here, if your husband is close to the Bride and Groom, he may want to mention the issue. If it was a mistake, it is best to flag it with Bride and Groom so they are aware. It is also the opportunity to call them out if it isn’t a mistake.
Each of you received an invitation, so each can respond by accepting the invitation to the event you can attend together. If your husband’s colleague inquires about declining to attend the ceremony, your husband will have the chance to explain. Go from there.
I’m willing to bet that the couple thinks that the OP will watch the kids during the ceremony and formal party and dinner and bring them at the informal part.
I’m also willing to bet that the couple will be puzzled as to why the OP and her husband decline their invitations.
My most charitable guess is that the wife has a name similar to someone else, and the invitations got mixed up, and the bride and groom (who say on their website that they welcome kids, but do not list their names on either official invitation), figured that the invitation to the OP’s husband actually covered the whole family.
That still leaves them with a huge problem, but at least it’s not an outright insult. But that’s pretty much the only possibility I can think of to avoid the slap-in-the-face insult, here, because really, what the heck?