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Plans Foiled By The Cat

I am a college student living away from home. I decided to go back to my parents’ house for Christmas and stay for a whole week, since they always want me to stay for a long time.

I have a small cat who lives with me in my studio apartment. Although on previous visits home, my boyfriend stopped by my apartment to make sure Kitty had food and water and was safe, she always gets very lonely during those times. So, I asked my parents on Thanksgiving if it would be OK if I brought Kitty with me for Christmas. I offered to sleep in the basement, which is set up like a studio apartment, so Kitty would have plenty of room but not get lost in their huge house. Nobody else usually has to sleep in the basement during Christmas. They agreed, since my mother loves Kitty very much and would be thrilled to have a cat to play with.

My dad’s parents traditionally come to visit for three or four days during Christmas. They recently moved to a retirement home about five minutes away from my aunt’s house, in a neighboring state. Originally, the plan was for my dad to take a week off from work (since he had a spare week) and go down, spend some time with Grandparents, and bring them back up to our house for Christmas. Instead, Aunt decided that she would bring them. She and her fiance would be on their way to his relatives’ house and would drop off Grandparents on the 21st. This was decided right before when my dad was supposed to leave.

On the 20th, Aunt contacted Dad and revealed that she and her fiance had decided to invite themselves to dinner and stay the night at my parents’ house on the 21st instead of just dropping off the grandparents. Well, the problem with that (besides Dad never offering an overnight stay) was that there were no more queen beds left. Grandparents were in the large guest room, my parents were in their room, I was in the basement, and the only bed left was a twin. When Dad told this to Aunt, she tried to make him put me and my cat in the twin-bed guest room (the smallest room in the house). When he told her this was not possible because the cat could not be in such a small room, she took an attitude with him about her plans being spoiled by “just a cat”.

Well, she and her fiance came and dropped off the grandparents, and of course she was suitably snooty to me the entire time. Sorry, Aunt, lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine…or Kitty’s. 1222-16

{ 164 comments… add one }
  • Sel December 28, 2016, 4:05 am

    Your aunt and her fiance couldn’t sleep in the twin bed?

    I mean, yeah, it’s smaller, but it’s not like her plans are spoiled – unless her plan was to sleep in queen sized comfort.

    • Goldie December 28, 2016, 9:55 am

      Came here to say this. I had a boyfriend for two years who would come over and stay in my twin bed, and he never complained until after he and I were over. Seeing as she invited herself and her fiance over to stay at LW’s parents’ house overnight, and did it on last-minute notice, she should be thankful that there’s a guest room available at all. If there’s absolutely no way they can share the twin bed, I’m sure there are living-room couches and inflatable mattresses in the house!

      • Cat December 28, 2016, 3:20 pm

        Aunt could share the queen bed with niece and fiance could have the twin bed. Kitty would be fine with that.

      • Kat December 28, 2016, 3:44 pm

        I don’t know how you fit 2 people in a twin bed. A full size, sure. But a twin?

        Besides which, that misses the point of Aunt inviting herself.

        • SianMcClay December 28, 2016, 9:29 pm

          I shared my single bed with my now husband for years before we got married. Unless both people are very large it’s completely doable.

        • clairedelune December 28, 2016, 11:18 pm

          I’m with you Kat…I tried in my younger days to sleep two in a twin, and it’s all but impossible (for adults). Not that I think Aunt is in the right, but both of them sharing a twin doesn’t sound workable at all.

          • NostalgicGal December 30, 2016, 5:00 am

            My DH is not a little guy and I’ve slept with him in a twin. In fact at one time we had a 1971 VW type 3 squareback and had foam to put down to sleep in the back, and it was a twin foam and we trimmed 4″ off the width. We fit. (some trips we would sleep in the sleep line at truck stops for the night, saved $. As long as you pull in and kill engine and lights quickly, in the row, and keep it quiet, you can sleep there–had more than a few come check ‘why is THAT in the sleepline’ and ‘oh, there’s bodies in the back’ and crunch off across the pavement) Only time it was agony was it was the guest bed and had a wooden cradling frame that came to the top of the mattress all the way around. That hurt and that was difficult. There wasn’t enough room to put the mattress on the floor or we would have done that.

        • LadyV December 29, 2016, 9:25 am

          Plenty of college students could tell you that while it may not be super-comfortable, it’s completely possible to share a twin bed. I’m sure Aunt and BF could manage it for one night.

          • DNicolek January 1, 2017, 6:57 am

            College students are younger and more supple than the aunt’s of adults

        • Goldie December 29, 2016, 12:16 pm

          I was hoping that would be addressing the point of Aunt inviting herself. Because Aunt and Fiance are last-minute guests who invited themselves, they don’t get to kick prior, invited guests out of the beds they’re already sleeping in. What they do instead is apologize for having invited themselves over at the eleventh hour, thank the hosts profusely for letting them stay, and choose from whatever sleeping arrangements are available. A bed that is already occupied by a prior guest doesn’t count as available. If they don’t fit into a twin bed, like my ex and I did, there are other options: a couch for one of them, a hotel room for both. Not terribly exciting, but beggars can’t be choosers.

        • Ulla January 2, 2017, 7:50 am

          We used to sleep in 90cm wide bed with by now husband for a while. It’s doable, especially if it’s only for few nights. According to google, twin bed should be even 10cm wider than the one we used.

        • Joanna June 5, 2017, 1:19 am

          My then fiancee and I shared a twin bed for a few years as well due to financial restraints. It can be done with average sized people.

  • Carol December 28, 2016, 7:07 am

    I once spent the night with friends who put DH on a twin bed in the basement, and me on the sofa in the living room, while letting their 5 year old grandchild have a queen bed in a guest room. No cats were involved though.

    • Cat December 28, 2016, 3:21 pm

      I would have found a hotel. A five year old fits in a twin bed just fine.

    • livvy17 January 4, 2017, 3:57 pm

      If you’d showed up without notice, that might have been meant as a little piece of censure.

      If your visit was planned, that was inappropriate.

    • Cynical now January 27, 2017, 9:07 pm

      Wish a five year old grand child, it may have been more a question of someplace close to them where she would feel safe sleeping (especially if the grandchild was not used to sleeping at their place), and a place where she could be put to bed while the adults were still awake, not the size of the mattress.

    • Joanna June 5, 2017, 1:23 am

      For all we know, grandchild had a history of wetting that bed and the family was sparing you. Or she had nightmares and needed to be near someone. Or she moved around in her sleep and they wanted to make sure she had room to avoid falling of of a sofa. Or that is her special room where she always sleeps. Many reasons. It’s not good to assume and be annoyed at someone.

  • Anonymous December 28, 2016, 7:59 am

    Aunt was the one being rude, because it’s rude to invite oneself anywhere. OP and the cat were fine. 🙂

    • Liz December 29, 2016, 10:37 am

      This. Regardless of whether or not the OP and cat could have gone elsewhere, Aunt invited herself and then got miffed when told no. Besides, it would have made extra work for someone, as the sheets on teh bed in the basement would have to be changed, and then washed for the OP, and after Aunt slept on them, and then again for the OP to return there.

      Nope, Aunt was the rude one.

  • Kirsten December 28, 2016, 8:15 am

    While the aunt was cheeky to try to invite herself and impose, I don’t think it would have been unreasonable for the OP to sleep in the other room, either with the cat or leaving the cat in another room with a warm bed and a litter tray.

    • DGS December 28, 2016, 9:01 am

      I agree. The cat was not being thrown out into the street. I think it would have been gracious for OP to accommodate her Aunt and her Aunt’s fiance.

      • Kirsten December 28, 2016, 9:29 am

        I love my cat, but he’s a cat – as long as he’s warm and fed, he’s happy.

      • Honeybee December 28, 2016, 9:50 am

        I disagree–aunt’s rude behavior of inviting herself to stay overnight in someone else’s house should not be accommodated. Being gracious doesn’t entail stamping “welcome” on one’s forehead, or otherwise being accommodating to someone who is so egregiously rude as to invite herself to stay overnight where the hosts have not offered.

        • DNicolek January 1, 2017, 6:59 am

          It is her brother’s house. In my family we invite ourselves over all the time. We qualify it with a “does it work” but we don’t wait to be asked, I love when my brother decided to come visit

          • Meegs January 3, 2017, 9:51 am

            Me too. This is completely normal in most families I know.

      • Lola December 28, 2016, 11:02 am

        She’s probably one of those people that turn an inch into a mile. Based on past experiences dad probably wanted to keep them from turning into unwanted long time visitors.

      • Last Dance December 28, 2016, 11:06 am

        But why would they want to accomodate somebody rude enough to invite herself and an extra person over? Aren’t we always saying that “your lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency for me”?

      • Dee December 28, 2016, 11:08 am

        Yeah, Aunt shouldn’t be dictating what her accommodations are going to be but, at the same time, there’s nothing wrong with putting the cat in a smaller room for the night (we have always had our cat(s) locked up in a small room overnight, not loose in the house.) Or offering Aunt the option to have the cat sleep with her and fiancĂ© in the downstairs suite.

        When our kids were babies we were honest about the accommodations for overnight guests; they could either have the living room couch and floor or they could sleep with baby in baby’s room. One option had more quiet but lousy sleeping sites and the other had a great bed in a room guaranteed to be noisy several times during the night. But we were upfront about what we could offer and guests could make their decision based on that.

      • ally December 28, 2016, 12:43 pm

        Not the OP’s house, though, and I can totally understand the father not wanting to accommodate a last minute self invite.

        If the couple needed to stay over so badly, they could have taken the twin bed for one night. Or maybe, I don’t know, actually asked instead of informing.

      • Shannon Stamey December 28, 2016, 1:34 pm

        Agreed. It’s one flippin’ night, the aunt and her fiance are family.

        Was the aunt acting with perfect politeness by asking if she could stay over? No, probably not. But the answer to that isn’t to act as if a cat’s comfort matters more than that of two grown adults who can’t squish themselves into one tiny bed. It’s likely the aunt and fiance determined it would be better to break up the trip instead of trying to drive straight through, to reduce the risk of getting sleepy behind the wheel.

        It sounds a bit to me like the OP and family dislike the aunt and her fiance, and the OP is taking a wee bit too much pleasure at one-upping the aunt. OP does not come across well here at all.

        • Samihami December 28, 2016, 2:57 pm

          Frankly it is none of their business how they choose to allocate the space in their house. The were offered a room with a twin bed and that’s that-take it or leave it. It’s not the opening for a negotiation. That cat might not be important to them, but the OP cleared bringing kitty with her parents and a plan was made. Why would it even occur to the OP and her parents to alter their arrangements for the sakes of these boors that don’t know enough to at least ask if they are welcome? Team Kitty here.

        • Anon December 28, 2016, 3:37 pm

          Okay I really don’t get this type of thinking.

          “Sure they were rude, but let’s REWARD their rudeness by forcing other guests to sleep somewhere else!” Seriously, you need to draw a boundary somewhere and if you were to move the cat to allow the aunt to stay in the biggest room, the aunt is now going to think “I can do whatever I want and they’ll cave in!”

        • oregonbird December 29, 2016, 12:22 am

          The OP was a guest. She had no voice in the decision — she reported the discussion between the *host* and the person demanding house room. The fiance is not family, and family is no excuse for bad manners. Is the OP to take on all the sins you see in the situation? Why? because she’s female and therefore responsible for her father’s decision?

          • Shannon December 29, 2016, 9:07 am

            Wait, what? How is the OP’s gender relevant? How is a fiancĂ© not family, when they are likely to be around for a lifetime?

            Ultimately, here is all I am saying: no, the aunt is not in the right to invite herself, but there may be practical/safety reasons for her to do so. Besides, it was not the OP’s decision if the aunt stayed or not. If OP had been asked to move, because it is not practical for two adults to squish into a twin bed, it is just one night and no big deal. Something could have been figured out for the cat. Finally, OP’s delight in the Aunt’s discomfiture is rude. The last paragraph read to me as gloating.

            Anything else oregonbird or anyone else wishes to pull from my post is a bizarre flight of fancy. Gender? Huh? I mean, really.

        • Cass December 29, 2016, 1:42 pm

          While I agree with you that the excuse the cat couldn’t be moved to a smaller room (I haven’t personally seen a large studio apartment so no idea what that means) is ridiculous, I also have an aunt exactly like this. She rarely lets my parents know when she’s coming, she expects to stay at their house, and if there is anything resembling advance notice she either brings her awful husband (who even she doesn’t like) or says that she’s bringing one of her (adult) children and then brings all three, and expects my parents to just accommodate her. It all came to a head when she unexpectedly brought a second one of her children and a grandchild when I was temporarily living at home due to a fire in my apartment building that rendered it uninhabitable for a month – there literally wasn’t another bed in the place, since I had one, my parents had one, my aunt and her husband had one (all fulls or queens) and the only remaining bed was a twin, which, after a certain age, I would find it creepy to share a twin with my sibling, and that age is about eight.

          My parents wound up having to tell her in no uncertain terms that I was not going to be asked to go home to an apartment without power so that her kids and grandkids could sleep in beds, when my parents didn’t have notice that she was bringing these people. It’s a long-winded way of saying that while I agree making the cat the reason is ludicrous, it’s clear the aunt in this story is the kind of person who expects to be accommodated and I can’t say I think that person needs a reason that makes sense to the rest of us. The cat was a perfectly good excuse in the case of such presumption.

      • Cat December 28, 2016, 3:23 pm

        What was wrong with fiance having the twin and aunt sharing the queen bed with her niece and the kitty cat?

      • Lomita Momcat December 28, 2016, 10:04 pm

        I think the issue was that if OP and kitty moved out of the basement and into the guest room, kitty could make a mad dash for the door of the guest room and “…not get lost in their [parents’] huge house.” The basement set-up allowed kitty room to roam without the same risk of getting out into the rest of the house and possibly getting out or hiding so well she couldn’t be found.

        Knowing cats, it’s likely that if kitty was in the smaller guest room, she’d probably have been yowling her distress over the situation while she was left alone in the room. If you’ve never heard a cat yowling in distress, think of a small baby crying loudly non-stop for hours at a time..

        • Kirsten December 29, 2016, 11:45 am

          Unless the house is Buckingham Palace, the cat isn’t going to get lost.

          • Lomita Momcat December 29, 2016, 7:12 pm

            Here are some scenarios I have encountered in my 50+ years of living with cats that are entirely inside cats, never go out:

            Cat disappears and cannot be found. After a day’s absence, following muffled “miaows” to source leads me to back bathroom, behind the cabinet under the sink, where half-grown cat apparently hid and couldn’t get out.

            Cat gets spooked by carpet cleaner, disappears. After hours of looking for him, found him inside the box spring part of our bed. He got there through a small tear in the fabric.

            We have work done on our heater, which is located in attic, accessible only by ladder. Four hours after repair guy left, husband and I hear cat crying, very muffled, and apparently moving around. After some head-scratching and “no, it’s not possible, ” husband got our ladder out of garage and we went into attic. Hauled three of our cats out of attic.

            A friend had her cat get inside the framework of her couch. She had to take her couch apart to get him out.

            I’ve had cats hide behind books in the bookshelf, cats get up into the stuff we stored on top shelf of closet and climb into a box, cat climb into a partially-empty case of soft drinks, cat hiding in stereo speakers.

            Cats can find hiding places like you wouldn’t believe. None of the houses where I’ve had to search out missing kitties was larger than 2200 square feet.

          • NostalgicGal December 30, 2016, 5:07 am

            Cats love to get into box springs. I was housesitting and told there were three cats, and one liked to hide. Two would come out, the third one thought I was going to eat it or something and hid so hard… I finally found where it dug into a daughter’s box and could see the body ‘sagging’ the cambric fabric across the bottom. I closed that door and put litterbox, food and water, and next visit found evidence the cat came out so I didn’t have to go cut the fabric to get it out. I left it in it’s private room for the week, with regular maid and room service.

            I am currently housesitting and the cat loves to hide and has lots of places. It apparently was abused before it found this forever home and is really spooked. I have gotten it to approach me once, then it hissed. I just do rollcall on it’s favorite hiding places, find it so I know it’s okay and talk to it nice while I play servant to it’s needs. I do have the cutest picture today where it decided on hiding on the high shelf but there is a gap in the back and the big fluffy tail was hanging down in back.

          • VolCat December 31, 2016, 11:38 am

            One of my college roommates had a very mischievous kitty who would get herself in many unpredictable places. We lived in the upstairs of a very old house, and our landlord,a sweet elderly lady, had the main floor. The basement had not been used in several years, and had several empty rooms that had been sealed off for many years. Creepy, I know. Kitty loved to sneak in cabinets and closets while we had the door open, and then find herself shut in when we didn’t see her and close the door. It was not uncommon to open a cabinet or closet, and be startled by Kitty streaking out of there. One night, Kitty went missing. After opening up any and all doors, no Kitty to be found. Around that time, we began hearing faraway and muffled meows. After several minutes of following the meows, we found Kitty down in the basement in one of the locked sealed rooms. We never did figure out how she got there, so we ended up having to break a window from the outside and climb in to get her. Thank goodness our sweet landlady loved that cat and allowed us to break a window (which we later arranged to be repaired).

            So if OP and her parents have a place for the OP’s cat to be safe and comfortable, an aunt who has invited herself to stay the night should not derail those plans.

          • NostalgicGal January 8, 2017, 2:18 pm

            One place I lived had apartments above an ice cream shop (on site churned) and a used bookstore. Friend and neighbor had a cat that during some plumbing repairs to her place got into the space between the original floor/ceiling and the suspended ceiling of the book store and went through a tile. One great mess. Cat was okay, it got cleaned up, and became lore at the bookstore.

          • Joanna June 5, 2017, 1:26 am

            I own a small two bedroom house. My cat has indeed been lost in my house. I’ve run around my yard searching only to find her snuggled in a tiny hiding spot. Cats do that, and if the OP’s family has a house with a bunch of furniture, rooms, cabinets, corners, hiding spots, etc…, they could easily loose a young cat or kitten.

    • Kate December 28, 2016, 11:24 am

      How long would Aunt have stayed though? It really isn’t reasonable to keep a cat in a small room for days. One night, okay, any more than that would be kind of cruel. And I bet Aunt is the type who has to be pried out of the house with a crowbar when it is time for her to leave.

    • Yet Another Laura December 28, 2016, 1:12 pm

      I think it’s unreasonable. Invited guests take precedence over uninvited guests. Those who make their plans in advance take precedence over last minute arrivals.

      Original poster is well within their rights to stand firm and Aunt can cope.

    • Vic December 28, 2016, 1:51 pm

      I don’t agree. The OP was an invited guest, even though it was her parents’ house. The aunt wasn’t. You don’t inconvenience an invited guest just because the uninvited one tells you to. I say way to go Dad for sticking up for your daughter and refusing to give into pressure. And good for the OP for standing her ground. Maybe this was a lesson the aunt needed to learn.

    • Vicki December 28, 2016, 2:24 pm

      I can’t see telling the aunt “OK, you can have the room with the larger bed, but the litter box is in there, and you have to leave the door open so the cat can get in and out” ending well.

      This suggestion also assumes that OP’s father was happy with his sister inviting herself and her fiance to stay over. “I’m sorry, we don’t have room because my daughter is home for Christmas and brought her cat” might have felt more palatable, or been easier to say, than a flat “no” to someone who was changing plans that hadn’t originally included her.

    • Lomita Momcat December 28, 2016, 7:19 pm

      If uninvited aunt and fiancĂ© didn’t like the sleeping arrangements they were offered on short notice, the polite thing for them to do is get a hotel room, not try to re-arrange everyone else so they could improve their own accommodations.

      When you are invited to stay overnight at someone’s home, the assumption is that host will offer the best accommodations that are available. Polite hosts will inquire if guests have special needs and will try to accommodate those needs, but if guest doesn’t like what host offers, guest should thank host for offered accommodations and politely seek a hotel or motel.

      When the guest is UNINVITED, and host has no chance to plan ahead, then by golly, if host suggests an air mattress in the garage, uninvited guest should be grateful. UNINVITED guests who complain about the accommodations they are offered may find that next time they invite themselves over, they’ll be told they can’t be accommodated in any way.

      Regarding kitty as a guest, invited or otherwise: I love cats, I’ve lived with cats since I was 4, and taking a cat away from its established home to a strange place, with strange people, is how you end up with an escaped cat, or a cat that goes hiding inside a piece of furniture that you then have to take apart, or a cat that registers its stress by forgetting how to use the litter box and peeing on the bed or couch or pooping under the bed or something. Or even getting sick.

      Get kitty a professional pet sitter, expect to pay the going rate for services, and leave kitty home.

  • Debbie December 28, 2016, 8:59 am

    Aunt was rude for wanting to have plans, already made, switched around for her convenience. She sounds like my SIL about whom I could write tons of posts but just don’t have that much time LOL!

  • Green123 December 28, 2016, 9:12 am

    Things to NEVER EVER EVER say to a cat owner:

    “Your cat is ‘just a cat'”

    • Samihami December 28, 2016, 2:58 pm

      You’re right. Them’s fightin’ words.

    • Shoegal December 28, 2016, 3:27 pm

      Totally agree. It’s like telling me my dogs are “just dogs.” What?! My babies – they are my children. If I had been marooned post Katrina on top of my roof with flotsam drifting by and the police came in a boat to rescue me – and said – “We’ve come to rescue you – but you will have to leave your dog behind.” I would have said, “move along – I’m not coming.”

      • Kirsten December 29, 2016, 11:47 am

        Your dogs are not your children or your babies, any more than my cat, who I love more than I love most of my family, is my child.

        • Shoegal December 30, 2016, 3:25 pm

          I completely disagree with you. You can think whatever you like but I love them dearly and just because I didn’t give birth to them doesn’t make me any less their mother.

      • NostalgicGal December 29, 2016, 12:06 pm

        They have had so many issues with just this that it’s now mandated that when rescuing people they also MUST bring the animals at the same time. Furkids get rescued too.

    • Dyan December 28, 2016, 3:42 pm

      hahah you got that right Green123

    • Anonymous December 28, 2016, 6:03 pm

      Likewise, don’t tell a dog owner, “Your dog is just a dog.” My dog is my best friend.

      • NostalgicGal December 30, 2016, 5:10 am

        My furkids live here and are part of the family, household and life. You as an invited guest, I will be hospitable and accommodate you within reason. But remember, they live here, you don’t, guest. If I go to your house I respect your critters the same way I expect mine to be under my roof.

  • LadyV December 28, 2016, 9:32 am

    I agree that the aunt was the rude one for trying to change plans at the last minute. As another poster said, inviting yourself to someone else’s home is NEVER polite. However – I do admit to being puzzled over the whole “the cat could not be in such a small room” issue. If this was going to be the case for OP’s entire stay, I can see where it might be a problem – but I doubt it would permanently traumatize the cat to be in a small room for ONE night. (And I say this as someone who is very much a cat person!)

    • Samihami December 28, 2016, 3:00 pm

      That’s not the point, though. They had an established arrangement. Why should uninvited guests be allowed to change all that for their own convenience? Sure, it wouldn’t hurt the cat to be in a smaller room for just one night-but it wouldn’t hurt aunt and fiance to be in the smaller room for one night, either. And since they just announced they were staying, the get what they get. If they don’t like it they can leave.

    • InTheEther December 29, 2016, 1:28 am

      I get the impression that the plan was to keep the cat in OP’s room the entire week she was there. Staying in the garage was ideal because A) it’s not so big that kitty can hide and not be found when it’s time to go, B) large enough that kitty won’t get claustrophobic and stir crazy resulting in acting out, and C) kitty is mostly out of everyone’s way.

      So, yeah, one night’s not a big deal. 4-7 days, a small room would definitely incur some damage.

    • Cat2 December 29, 2016, 11:50 am

      Given that this aunt has already changed pre-planned things for her own convenience *twice* now at pretty much the last minute, I would have no faith whatsoever that it would actually end up being only one night. And as such, from a risk-benefit analysis, I would not be willing whatsoever to set myself up for that potential failure.

    • Joanna June 5, 2017, 1:29 am

      It might not traumatize the cat, but it might traumatize everyone else! I got the impression the cat was a kitten or a young cat. Kittens especially can be very active, darting all over the place and mewing. I wouldn’t want to corral one into a small room.

  • mark December 28, 2016, 10:21 am

    Honestly in your situation I would have slept the twin bed or on the couch especially for one night. It wouldn’t of occurred to me to do anything else.

    • Kate December 29, 2016, 12:09 pm

      OP wasn’t asked though, and she wasn’t the host.

  • Nikki December 28, 2016, 10:21 am

    I’m glad your dad had the necessary polite spine – Aunt invites herself then turns up her nose and argues about the available accommodations? Yes, maybe OP could have swapped for the one night, but really shouldn’t have to. I’d never dream of phoning a relative and saying ‘hey, I decided to change your plans, and now I’m going to come and eat your food and stay in your guest room. Move your daughter and her pet for me’. That is what it boils down to.

  • Dyan December 28, 2016, 10:42 am

    Aunt was rude, it was not her home and she just invited herself and her other half to stay the night…NOPE you get what is left or get a hotel…

  • Eliza December 28, 2016, 10:55 am

    Kitty could have stayed in the bedroom with the twin bed for one night. OP and her parents were completely obnoxious, they couldn’t be put out in any way during the holidays to accommodate aunt and fiance, who probably wanted to be able to spend more time with them. OP, take your smug little story and smirky smirk that I am sure accompanied it where the sun doesn’t shine!

    • FJ December 28, 2016, 2:54 pm

      Are you the aunt in the story?

      • Lady Catford December 29, 2016, 4:39 pm

        No, ‘Eliza’ is my x-SIL. Everything has to go her way, and she always knows best. I dumped her, but kept her brother. He is a wonderful man lol

    • Last Dance December 28, 2016, 3:02 pm

      The aunt and fiance who change plans at the last minute, invite themselves over and make demands? Really, I can’t imagine why OP and her family aren’t bending over backwards to accomodate them.

    • Airelenaren December 28, 2016, 3:44 pm

      Absolutely not.
      First of all, you don’t know the cat in question. Who says it wouldn’t have been stressed by being kept in a small room and started to destroy the interior, for example?
      Secondly, even if the cat wouldn’t have cared at all, there is no reason whatsoever to accommodate someone you didn’t invite over someone you did. Doing so would have been rude to both OP and her cat.
      And if aunt and fiance saw nothing wrong in inviting themselves and making demands on top of it, methinks the little experience might be a good lesson.

    • LadyV December 28, 2016, 3:46 pm

      First off, OP did not make the decision to not accommodate her aunt – her father did. Second, why should OP’s parents put themselves – or their INVITED guest – out because Aunt decided at the last minute that she wanted to not only invite herself, but another person, to stay at the house? If she “wanted to be able to spend more time with them”, she could have talked to them much earlier and things might have been arranged. Your hostility is being directed at the wrong people.

    • Ergala December 28, 2016, 4:06 pm

      Invite yourself to stay the night in my home like it is a demand and then try to rearrange where people sleep to suit YOU…..now that is obnoxious. This is the OP’s parents home, probably where she grew up. The aunt has no say in anything.

    • Amanda December 28, 2016, 4:09 pm

      Are you OP’s aunt?

    • lakey December 28, 2016, 4:25 pm

      That’s not very nice.

    • CW December 28, 2016, 4:25 pm

      Except for Aunt didn’t ASK to stay. Aunt changed her plans twice in a matter of a few days and just decided that she was staying for dinner and overnight. Had she wanted to spend more family time, she could have planned to do so in the first place and the OP’s parents could set up the sleeping arrangements accordingly. Last minute “guests” don’t get to be picky on where they sleep.

    • jokergirl129 December 28, 2016, 4:46 pm

      OP and her parents were not obnoxious. The Aunt invited herself and her fiance over at the last minute to stay the night without talking to the father about it first. Why should the OP have to be forced to stay in the smallest room in the house when she made plans with her parents well in advance? Doesn’t matter if it would have only been for one night it wouldn’t have been fair. Also depending on how small the room was there might not have been much room for the litter box and the cat’s food and water bowls (if the food and water bowls weren’t kept in the kitchen for instance). And like others have mention it wouldn’t have been right to keep the cat in such a small space all day.

      Others have also mention that if Aunt was the type of person that would stay for more than a day then the OP and her cat would be stuck in a small room. Also I’m sure the Aunt and her fiance would have more chances to spend time with the OP’s parents if they wanted to. Probably more chances than the OP herself since she’s away at college and therefore probably goes long periods of time without seeing them. Especially if she’s attending college far away.

      In total the OP and her parents did nothing wrong and the next time Aunt wishes to spend the night should call up the father ahead of time and makes plans. Not decide at the last minute to stay without getting permission from the father.

    • Vic December 28, 2016, 6:53 pm

      Wow, that was harsh! I couldn’t disagree with you more. The OP was an invited guest and presumably a wanted guest. The aunt and her fiancĂ© were neither. When you invite yourself to someone else’s house, you have the option of accepting whatever hospitality is offered or you make other arrangements. Just because the OP and her parents chose not to be doormats does not make them obnoxious. They did absolutely nothing wrong.

    • Lola December 28, 2016, 7:15 pm

      It read as more of a “we won’t have to pay for a hotel room” plan. They were taking grandpa as a way to get their foot in the door. Yes I’m being uncharitable, but I have family that is like that.

    • Yet Another Laura December 28, 2016, 9:51 pm

      Kitty and the original poster could have, but the imposed-upon hosts and the person in the room that the obnoxious aunt demanded to have are under no obligation to shift around to suit her.

      Let’s see which is the most obnoxious:

      a. Inviting yourself +1 to someone else’s home for a sleepover and insisting that someone who’s already there move so you can have their lodgings.

      b. Declining to move when an uninvited guest demands that you do so.

      Next time I’m stuck in the middle on an airplane and you’ve got the aisle next to me, I’ll demand that you switch seats with me. It would, in your own estimation, be obnoxious to refuse. Right?

    • Raradra December 29, 2016, 12:00 pm

      LOL, you sound awfully butthurt, Eliza. Either you are the OP’s aunt, or you tried to pull similar stunt like the OP’s aunt, and you’re angry that people weren’t bending over backwards to accommodate you. Or maybe you are just trolling. Either way, I think it is you who should take your smug little self-righteous comment to place where the sun doesn’t shine.

    • Kirsten December 29, 2016, 3:02 pm

      Something about the tone of the last paragraph of the OP makes me think you’re right, she’s being smug about this and she’s relishing the chance to use “lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine” with a superior tone, even though it’s irrelevent here.

    • Ai December 29, 2016, 5:10 pm

      Wow, this story must’ve a hit a nerve to have such a rude reaction to the OP. The aunt was uninvited. I applaud the father for standing up for the OP and not rewarding the rude aunt.

      • NostalgicGal December 30, 2016, 5:14 am

        This plus. I am betting that since the Aunt probably does this all the time, had she gained her way the stay would have suddenly gone to more than one night. I back the OP’s dad for putting the invited guest (OP, plus her already cleared +1) over the last minute self-inviting guest (Aunt) plus the Aunt’s uninvited +1……

    • Joanna June 5, 2017, 1:30 am

      Spend more time with them by arriving late with last minute plans? Sounds more like they wanted a free hotel to me.

  • CW December 28, 2016, 10:59 am

    If Aunt has already planned on staying at the house prior to you bringing the cat, I could see you being requested to stay in the small room as it would have been the only one left. But in my head, I’m picturing you already settled in for your week at the house and Aunt expecting you to change rooms for her one night of convenience. I wouldn’t have switched either.

  • Gabriele December 28, 2016, 11:41 am

    I think the parents may have been quite happy that the uninvited Aunt & fiancĂ©e didn’t have a large bed to sleep in. Had they felt more hospitable they might have asked for a change for one night only…as it was previous plans (sort of) stayed in place.
    I had cause over the holidays to remember my ex-husband’s family and their attitude to providing for unexpected, uninvited guests. I was going to school and managing a small apartment house (12 studio units) for which we got ours rent & utilities free. How small? It had a murphy bed.
    BIL (never met him–he’d been in jail when we’d gone to LA for me to meet his mother and stepfather), BIL’s girl friend and girl friend’s uncle. When the murphy bed was opened out all the furniture (not much of that) had to be against the wall.
    No warning, they just appeared. Wasn’t there a spare apartment they could use? No. There was a storage room downstairs where they could spend the night (a fold-out couch was there). No conveniences. It was before payday so not much in the way of food. We’d have oatmeal in the morning, both have lunch away (work & school) and usually stir-fry in the evening…(girlfriend asked BIL if we were in some cult, since it was in SF…).
    Complaints in the morning at no ‘real’ breakfast (bacon & eggs), couldn’t sleep because of the people walking around above them (they knew they were below other tenants) and could they stay for the day and sleep in the murphy bed while we were gone?
    Well, no. As the manager I was responsible and I couldn’t do that. BIL tried talking to (not-so) DH about putting me in my place and telling me to let them stay. When asked why they’d showed up uninvited, unexpected not knowing what sort of place we had it seems my MIL had TOLD the BIL that since he was family we had an obligation to put them up. DH didn’t see it that way and told the MIL not to do it again.
    Of course another BIL when he had a summer job in SF came by every weekend and some evenings expecting to be fed (Coke, not Pepsi, chicken had to be skinless as chicken fat was bad, he liked very few veggies and I was given a list and more like that). And oh, was there a laundromat in the building?
    Merciful heavens, there wasn’t. And he expected to be fed (yes, you’re right his mother told him he should be because he was saving for college) and I said I preferred Pepsi and that’s what I’d buy. He wouldn’t drink tea or coffee. Bad for you (he was studying molecular biology so of course he knew everything).
    I knew what DH and I liked and that was our menu. Skinless chicken cost too much and I rendered down the chicken fat for use in other dishes. I provided a list of all kinds of free events in the city where he could go and another listing of cheap movie houses (oops—sorry, old movies houses were unclean). But he wanted to go along with us when we went places with friends. And wouldn’t talk to the friends at all. We were at a museum (he wasn’t interested in art but it was free).
    After he had ridiculed a wonderful visiting collection of Art Nouveau furniture from France I walked up to DH and told him I was leaving, taking the bus because I couldn’t be around his tag-along-suck-all-the-pleasure-out-of-everything-and-was-horribly-rude-to-our-g00d-friends-also. I would go home when I felt like it and BIL better not be there and if DH wanted to visit his brother it would have to be elsewhere, I would not be a servant in my own home. It worked.
    I heard from another BIL (there were 5 boys total) that MIL was horrified at how I had treated poor little (22+, had been in the AF to get the GI bill) youngest son. 2nd BIL took pleasure in telling her that his SIL was protecting the husband from being used by other family members and that SIL probably didn’t really care what the MIL thought.
    Ever since I have been careful to always have my own lodging taken care of before I arrive.
    I had needed to verify some dates for a property matter so had to check when my ex’s son (2nd marriage) was born and ended up coming across addresses for ex, 1st BIL (the sponge) and the son.
    There had been two SIL but they’d stopped talking to their mother, self-defense no doubt.

    • Cat December 28, 2016, 3:29 pm

      The best defense is a good offense. Once relatives know they can take advantage of you on the “we are family” offense, you are placed in a defensive position you cannot hope to truly defend.
      I keep to the rule that, if you come for a meal or to spend the night, I have to have invited you. Otherwise, I will point you to a restaurant and a hotel.

      • NostalgicGal December 30, 2016, 5:19 am

        I was desperate enough one night to stop at a friend’s (I was relocating to another city to get a job) and politely asked if I could have the couch for that night. Their well known well used, well pet haired couch. I knew their house was full up. I just needed to get on the road again after an all day drive for another all day drive with what I owned in my VW (looked like a mini station wagon). They were most kind, said yes, got me a blanket and pillow and I dealt with the house critters whom I all knew and all knew me, and they gave me a bowl of cereal in the morning for the road. Greatest unplanned hosts ever and I was most grateful for the couch. Just to point out, if you are uinvited make the best of the situation and be polite and grateful. After 30 years, Gene and Peg, I still thank you for that couch.

  • Hanna December 28, 2016, 11:48 am

    A singular person could not sleep in a twin sized bed because the ROOM was too small for a cat? I don’t see the logic here.

    • Lomita Momcat December 28, 2016, 10:16 pm

      Small room in the main part of house where cat, in a location she’s not familiar with, can hear people she doesn’t know making noises, equals freaked-out cat trying to escape, or yowling her heart out when she’s left alone, or forgetting litter-box training and having “accidents” on rug, furniture, and bed.

      Larger room in basement, set up away from rest of house, equals quiet space where cat can get settled down, feel secure, and behave like a well-mannered pet that people like. And is unlikely to be able to escape into rest of house.

    • Reaver December 30, 2016, 4:12 am

      Simple logic!

      “We don’t want the uninvited guest to stay and thus won’t ask my daughter and her cat to move”

  • pennywit December 28, 2016, 12:23 pm

    In Dad’s place, I’d probably refuse to change plans just on GP.

  • SianMcClay December 28, 2016, 12:24 pm

    I don’t understand why the cat is even mentioned. The OP is staying for a week, and she’s settled in to the basement. A room has been set aside for the grand folks.
    The aunt suggested a spontaneous overnight drop-in. Lucky for her, there is one bed available. One night, one bed is up for offer, she and hubby can take it or leave it. That’s it.

    • Dyan December 28, 2016, 3:44 pm

      that is what I was thinking…OP was there do not ask her to move, I would have been very upset if my parents would have said OK now you have to MOVE rooms..

    • Kathryn December 29, 2016, 4:59 am

      I agree! When I stay somewhere for a few nights, I unpack my suitcase, hang up my clothes and settle into that room. Whether it’s a hotel room, hostel or private home! It was rude of the Aunt to expect the OP to shift her room for a night. Aunt is only in the twin bed for a night, surely she can deal with the limited space, she won’t even need to unpack!

  • Ty December 28, 2016, 12:50 pm

    It seems to me that Aunt has a tendency of changing plans for herself and for others at the last minute, considering she did this twice in the span of a few days. I have no patience for people like that, and I wouldn’t have accommodated her either.

  • Anon December 28, 2016, 1:32 pm

    @Carol, I kind of understand your friends wanting their grandchild to sleep in the guestroom of the house. I wouldnt want my 5 year old niece to sleep in the basement of my house or on the sofa (what if she rolls off?) as a child needs good rest. As adults, I guess they were thinking you both could handle a rough night or being apart from your partner for a night. Overall I think the needs of a young child should come first but maybe thats just me and my way of thinking is wrong and terribly rude to guests.
    In regards to the post, as a non animal lover I see the grans point of having to make way for the convenience of an animal – it seems animals these days are elevated to a status higher than human, but on the other hand its rude to announce a visit and sleepover without invitation which is why the hosts were underprepared. In my culture senior relatives and friends are shown a lot of respect so it would not even be an issue, pretty much everyone would agree the cat and college ages atudent should take the smaller twin room as more senior guests have arrived.

    • ally December 28, 2016, 6:55 pm

      This post reminds me of the vacation house threads, where young, often single people get the worst sleeping arrangements because couples “need” to be together in a big bed.

      I wonder how this story would go without the cat? Do the parents have the right to promise the better sleeping arrangements to their own daughter, who was a planned in-advance guest? Esp as a few commenters have mentioned, it’s quiet likely the daughter/OP was already settled into the room.

      • Aleko December 30, 2016, 11:42 am

        Actually there’s a practical reason why ‘young, often single people’ get the worst sleeping arrangements: it’s because they’re supple enough to sleep in a hammock or on a palliasse and not wake up in the morning with backache, unlike us old crocks. And there’s a justice reason, in that we old crocks spent our youth ceding the comfortable beds to our seniors out of respect, and now it’s our turn.

    • Kate December 29, 2016, 12:21 pm

      What do you mean about the “grans”? Do you mean the grandparents? They were invited guests and got the large guest room. It was the aunt and her fiance who were offered the twin bed.

      The cat doesn’t have much to do with it. It is always rude to show up uninvited and demand that an invited guest be moved so you can have their room.

    • Aleko December 30, 2016, 11:48 am

      “I wouldnt want my 5 year old niece to sleep in the basement of my house or on the sofa (what if she rolls off?)

      Well, (a) anybody can stop that happening by putting a chair or chairs next to the sofa, and (b) what if she does? Falling 12-15 inches or so on to carpet when asleep (therefore relaxed) is hardly dangerous. She’s far more likely to hurt herself tripping over a step when wide awake in broad daylight.

      Besides, unlike adults, children adore sleeping in odd places – on camp beds, sofas, palliasses; in basements, garages, tents. It’s actually a treat and an adventure for them.

  • LizaJane December 28, 2016, 1:34 pm

    I agree that the aunt was rude to invite herself, but weren’t they only staying one night?

    Not my circus, not my monkeys, but I think I’d have put the OP and kitty in the small room for that night, then let them have the basement after aunt and fiance left.

    • Anon December 28, 2016, 9:20 pm

      And that is EXACTLY what aunt would have wanted. Do people not get that this is caving in? That aunt will now realize that she can do whatever she wants because people let her get away with it?

      • LizaJane December 29, 2016, 1:33 pm

        No, it doesn’t mean she can do whatever she wants. It means that if it were my house, this is what would have happened.
        If she’d come up with something I didn’t want her to do there, she wouldn’t.

  • Krissy December 28, 2016, 2:02 pm

    Not sure I get why your small cat couldn’t sleep in the small room with you one night out of a one week stay. Sure aunt inviting herself is rude, but seems like she could have been accommodated. Fine if you don’t want to, but doesn’t seem as impossible to me as implied.

    • Ulla January 2, 2017, 8:15 am

      Cats don’t often take new places and moving easily. And new room basically as stressfull move as the move from its home to the parent’s place. And then there would be the move back to the basement. So to move the cat for a night might be actually quite stressfull for the animal. Some cats might of course be fine with that. Some would stress even more, stop eating or react otherwise negatively. Or, they would try to escape to the rest of the house and possibly get themselves stuck someplace.

      One of our cats is stresser, and sometimes we have to either take him to cat hotel or take him with us. He does not take the changes well. It takes him several days to be comfortable enough in new place that he dares to go to litterbox/move around/eat well. To switch places in the middle of the visit would basically start the whole process again.

  • Amanda December 28, 2016, 2:51 pm

    Auntie could have stayed at a hotel and had a king size bed!

    • Lerah99 December 30, 2016, 12:01 pm

      ^^^^ This times 1,000!!!!

      If the aunt who decided to invite herself & her fiance to dinner and overnight accommodations at the very last minute doesn’t like the bed on offer – she and her fiance are welcome to find a hotel room with a bed more to their liking.

  • Ashley December 28, 2016, 2:53 pm

    While I do think that the cat would have been just fine in a small room for the night, the fact of the matter is that the aunt invited herself and her fiance, and just expected everyone to shuffle around their plans.

    Had everyone just shuffled around, aunt’s behavior would have been justified and signaled to her that it was okay to do this whenever she felt like it really.

    • DancerDiva December 29, 2016, 12:42 am

      This is it, really. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice….and unfortunately, people like Aunt are bold, probably pushy and will come to expect everyone to roll over the next time she wants something. There is nothing wrong with a polite spine. OP’s dad used it beautifully.

  • Cat December 28, 2016, 3:15 pm

    I have a theory that, if you allow someone to invite him/herself for a meal and/or to stay over-night in your house, he/she will take it as permission to come over and to stay as long as he/she wishes, as often as he/she wishes.
    “I/We knew you wouldn’t mind if we spent our vacation here with you. Our six nephews are ages three to ten. We knew you’d want to babysit them for a week to give us a break. Their parents are in Europe for two weeks.”
    Aunt was not invited. Her fiance was not invited. Your cat was invited. The cat won’t come back without an invitation. I’d side with the cat.

    • NostalgicGal January 3, 2017, 12:38 pm

      “I/We knew you wouldn’t mind if we spent our vacation here with you. Our six nephews are ages three to ten. We knew you’d want to babysit them for a week to give us a break. Their parents are in Europe for two weeks.” …..

      One of my father’s aunts was like this and I’ve written about her before. They had seven kids, who were very wild and broke lots, and liked to find out when people were going on vacation and show up the week before in their station wagon. To move in, be waited on, entertained, and not lift a finger or pay for anything. They would eat you out of house and home and burn up the saved vacation money you had. This got pulled a few years in a row on different people, then we all got wise (they had not done my dad yet). Vacations were announced, and we all started leaving early. My father had said this week, and we left Friday night the week before. Saturday morning they showed up in our driveway, tried to get into the house and the neighbors finally chased them off. So they headed for the next one, who had a five day vacation at Disney World, and their family of four had left early also. So that few state zig didn’t work. They back zagged a few more states and missed the third one, one they’d done before; who had done the same. TOTALLY p’d off at all of us they ‘disowned’ us and we all so didn’t care. They also quit doing it. (roughly eight days on the road by the time they got to number three, and three more days home). “Because we’re Faaaammmmilyyyyyyy” yeah right.

  • Shoegal December 28, 2016, 3:40 pm

    Yes – this woman is family but so what. She decided that it might be a good idea to change her plans. If she wants to do that – all well and good – but etiquette dictates that you ask your host (no matter who it is) if they wouldn’t mind accommodating them for the night. She doesn’t just get to decide what’s going to happen. It’s rude no matter who does it. An adult child saying – “Oh Hey Mom, we are coming two days early for Christmas – make sure our bed is ready.” Your mom would probably never turn you down – but think of what is being asked. Mom had already had several guest staying and dropping in a few days early puts this tremendous strain on her plans that were decided months in advance. You weren’t coming until the day before Christmas – but now its 2 earlier. She needs to clean the other guest rooms, run to the store to get more supplies, move clothes out of the closet to make room for your clothes and other luggage, rearrange the dining table, alter the menu and find additional parking. This is alot. You need to be considerate to your family too.

  • Inga December 28, 2016, 3:50 pm

    Besides the whole bed issue (I would have just put myself and Kitty in the small room for that one night to avoid the drama, even if aunt was in the wrong to demand it – it was family and Christmas and just one night, after all) I find the last minute changing of dad’s plans to be the worst part of this story. Granted, we don’t know what dad thought of it all, but what if he really wanted to do something with his spare week, and he wanted that something to be spending time with his parents before bringing them home with him? Now not only does he not get to do that, but unless his workplace let him work instead and reschedule his week off the week would either be “wasted” at home (again, if he is the kind of person who wants to do something in his time off) or he would have to make new plans very quickly. I know I would have been super annoyed if I had taken one of my precious vacation weeks off from work, and someone else had basically deleted my plans for that week.

    • oregonbird December 29, 2016, 12:43 am

      Avoiding drama is one of the signs that someone has spent a lot of their life accommodating a narcissist. Why avoid five minutes of drama when it will save a half-dozen people days of discomfort? Nothing bad will happen. Try it sometime! There will be talk. That’s it. And the best part is, even when you do exactly what narcissists want in exactly the way the want it, THERE WILL STILL BE MEAN TALK. So go ahead and be the calm voice of nope during that five minutes of drama. It’s freeing.

      There is nothing wrong with drawing a boundary in your own home, and the homeowner did not ASK his invited guest to move from the room she’d been given. He offered his uninvited guests an unoccupied bed for the night and left it up to them to decide. They made the decision not to stay. If they were dissatisfied with their decision – well, good manners and good sense says that you don’t throw good money after bad, and having been rude in asking to stay at last minute, they doubled down (as such peeps do) and were even ruder in trying to rearrange someone else’s home!

      But let’s talk about when I want you to take your vacation. You’ll let me arrange that the way I want because otherwise it would cause a fuss, right? You don’t have to give up being a doormat for narcs, but you can occasionally take the heat and show some ethical backbone. The reason narcs try so hard to make saying ‘no’ or sticking to reasonable boundaries into a huge deal is because that first time is so sweet, you want to keep feeling that proud of yourself. You get good at staring your narc down and coming out on top, and soon you have your life back in your own hands. They do hate that.

      • Lomita Momcat December 29, 2016, 4:03 pm

        This, exactly.

        When you realize that that you are never going to satisfy the narcissist AND IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT, you realize that you’re free to do whatever you damn please however you damn please, it is incredibly liberating. Weight of the world off your shoulders kind of liberating.

        Side note: when you “break the code” and stop trying to please the narcissist, you actually in a perverse way get to make them happy, because they get to vilify you and declare you Satan incarnate, which most narcissists really find as satisfying as keeping you dancing to their tune.

        • NostalgicGal December 30, 2016, 5:24 am

          I smile beatifically and if I want to do the ultimate insult, I write them an indulgence. (I am allowed to do that in my faith as an ordained minister. I have only written a few at a hospice bedside to give the person some comfort in their last days and not for anything earth shattering (like homicide) so that they can find their peace)

      • Inga December 31, 2016, 6:38 am

        I think you and I must have read this very differently, oregonbird. While I don’t question your advise on how to handle narcissist – you seem to have experience – I did not read the aunt as being one. I think her behaviour is more a result of a lacking sence of what’s appropriate and a lacking ability to see things from other people’s view – in short, poor social skills. In fact, I could see my own mother doing these things. First, she wouldn’t think of her college niese as an adult guest equal to herself, but as a grown up child being “home” for the holidays – and thus a part of the hosting family, which she feels should accommodate her, an actual guest. Second, she would think that because it’s family, it’s okay to make demands for accommodation (due to the lacking sence of what’s appropriate). Especially after she had the – in her mind – very clever idea to bring the parents herself, thus “saving” brother of the long trip. That brother might have actually wanted to do the trip and that her last minute brilliant idea would inconvenience him would never occur to her. Despite her many flaws, my mother is not a narcissist, and I don’t want to cut her from my life or hurt her more than necessary. Thus I need to pick my battles with her. The one about the room is one I wouldn’t pick, as it is too small a deal to hurt her over – and I know she would be hurt, seeing it as a great and completely unjustified and inexplainable offense against herself. She is not evil though, just dumb.

        • Semperviren December 31, 2016, 5:22 pm

          It gets just as tiresome, though, to continually give in to someone else’s wants because they’re clueless and insensitive, as if they’re selfish and mean. The effect is the same; everyone else must bend to what they want because they’re totally self-focused (I have relatives like this myself). At some point, you just hit your limit. This, apparently, was where the OP’s dad hit his.

        • Lomita Momcat January 2, 2017, 2:08 am

          “She is not evil though, just dumb.”

          And how is she going to learn and stop being “dumb” if she’s shielded from the consequences of her actions?

          It isn’t kind to let someone get by with behavior that would be unacceptable in other people just because their behavior is uninformed rather than actively evil. It doesn’t do the person any favors, because sooner or later they’re going to come up against a situation where the people who save them from the consequences of their “dumbness” aren’t going to be able run interference.

          You don’t have to be mean or punitive in enforcing reasonable boundaries of behavior to someone who doesn’t have insight into what other people consider expect of them as reasonable. You do have to be clear about your expectations and firm about enforcing them, and very clear in letting them know that there will be consequences if they fail to respect the boundaries you set.

          That isn’t unkind. It’s unkind to let someone who has problems with social responsibility (for lack of a better description) incur the irritation, resentment or outright anger of other people who are inconvenienced by their blunders.

  • lakey December 28, 2016, 4:08 pm

    First, relatives need to ask if they may stay over, not announce that they will stay over.
    Second, I keep an airbed for extra guests.
    If they decide to change plans at the last minute, they need to go along with what is convenient for others.
    Third, pets like cats can be upset by changes in their environment. The issue isn’t that it is “just a cat”. It is that cats don’t understand why their lives are being messed with. An adult aunt is capable of understanding that she doesn’t always get what she wants. I changed houses last year and it took my dog a while to adjust.

  • lkdrymom December 28, 2016, 4:26 pm

    The cat was actually invited. Aunt was not. OP was already settled in the basement. If they had said something a few days earlier my opinion might change that for one night she could have stayed in the smaller room.

  • Semperviren December 28, 2016, 5:30 pm

    Obviously they didn’t want to accommodate Aunt and fiance; which is fine. Their mistake was giving a reason- which she then could dispute and make the but-but-but-people-matter-more-than-animals argument. This kind of thing is the perfect time to remember to say “I’m afraid it won’t be possible this time” and repeat it as often as necessary.

    It is incredibly rude to demand explanations and reallocate accommodations in someone else’s home. Especially on short notice.

  • doodlemor December 28, 2016, 6:04 pm

    I think that the cat issue is a bit of a red herring here.

    Dad JADED to aunt, saying that the cat needed a bigger room, when he could have just told her what accommodations were still available. It sounds like aunt may have argued the point that she should be able to stay.

    I suspect that dad and OP’s mom were not pleased with the last minute self invite by the aunt. I also suspect that aunt has a history of this type of annoying behavior, and that OP’s mom has had enough of it.

  • ketchup December 28, 2016, 6:30 pm

    Yay! Great read. I love how they chose the animal who has no choice and is completely dependent on the humans. Just a cat… Tsk.
    Cats deserve space, and the daughter deserves to stay where she’d been invited.

  • Marie December 28, 2016, 6:31 pm

    I think a lot of people here never had a cat or multiple cats. Not all cats can stay inside a small room for the night without tearing off the wallpaper or curtains. There is also a chance of kitty going potty outside of the litter box due to the stress of staying at an unfamiliar house. The basement is probably the best place for kitty to stay so she can’t cause any damage.

    Having said that: the cat is not the point. It’s just an excuse. OP and his dad shouldn’t have to accomodate to the last minute demands of an aunt. Yes, he could have offered, but that’s something you do for relatives that you like and are not deliberately trying to inconvenience you and then being snooty about it when they don’t get their way. Good going OP and dad!

    • Dee December 28, 2016, 8:06 pm

      If a cat can’t handle a change in room for one night then it is highly likely the same cat will be far more upset at the travel required to reach the destination. OP knows her cat and I know a lot of people who travelled, seemingly happily, with their cats, even going camping (tenting) with them. I trust they know their pets but it is a rare cat that wants to leave home. A lot of owners have some need to drag their pets along with them wherever they go despite the fact that the animal experiences distress at being in different environments. For most pets it’s actually a cruelty.

      • Kate December 29, 2016, 12:32 pm

        It isn’t an across the board kind of thing. Some animals, including cats, enjoy car travel. But they also might like to roam, and can’t stand to be cooped up.

        It is also a consideration that cats are crepuscular (most active at dawn and dusk). Travel during the day is one thing, being in a small room during the most active periods is not good!

        • Dee December 29, 2016, 7:47 pm

          A cat can be just fine with being locked up at night. It’s one reason why we have always put our cats to bed at night, so that they don’t bounce around while everyone is sleeping. Works fine for everybody and the cat learns to go to bed when everybody else does and sleep the night through.

        • Lomita Momcat January 1, 2017, 11:46 pm

          In my 50+ years of owning cats and being friends with other cat owners, I have known exactly ONE cat that actually enjoyed riding in a car. More than 90 percent hate it, maybe 10 percent will tolerate it without showing overt distress. (You can tell it stresses them by feeling their paws. The pads get damp if the cat is stresses; their paws actually sweat.)

          Every cat I’ve ever known, with the caveat that I’ve never known any show cats, gets apprehensive when it’s taken to a place strange to it. Some get so freaked out they have to find a place to hide, others will be a little braver and will prowl around exploring.

          The big danger with a cat out of its home is that something like a sudden loud noise, the intrusion of a strange person, something like that, will cause a sudden freak-out, and if kitty can find a way to escape, then kitty is gone.

          The best solution for someone who wants to travel and has a cat or cats is to find a good professional cat-sitter and pay to have the cat-sitter care for the cat in its own home while you travel. OP had to bring her cat with her because her boyfriend, who usually cat-sit, was unavailable. That’s the problem with relying on family and friends: sooner or later, they either aren’t available or they flake out on you.

  • stacey December 28, 2016, 6:51 pm

    I can’t quite shake the sensation of OP metaphorically saying “nanny… nanny… boo…booo” and sticking her tongue out at her aunt. She wasn’t hosting, so she had no real reason to involve herself beyond ascertaining that her pet would still have accommodation. Aunt, with her self-inviting and alleged snootiness, could have been ignored. For the love of holly berries and mistletoe, this isn’t even an etiquette issue so much as a family matter (that her father already resolved).

    • Kate December 29, 2016, 12:34 pm

      Where does it say that OP involved herself? She is simply relating a story of something that happened that she thought we would find interesting, as many other posters do.

      • stacey December 30, 2016, 4:52 pm

        The “lack of planning on your part doesn’t constitute an emergency on mine… or kittie’s” remark is the reference point. It suggests, to me, an inflated view of the relatively minor event and puts OP in the position of host.

  • NostalgicGal December 28, 2016, 6:58 pm

    I have a feeling that if the self-inviting aunt plus one had been accommodated the way they desired, that the stay would have extended. It was good of Dad to stand firm, as the OP was there first, cat or no cat. The space left was the twin (and I’ve slept many a time in a twin with my rather large DH, it’s a good thing I like him and he likes me…) and if that didn’t suit the next-to-come (the uninvited aunt with her fiancĂ©) then they didn’t have to stay. Kudos to the Dad to stand on it. OP didn’t have to move and shouldn’t have had to.

  • Lomita Momcat December 28, 2016, 6:59 pm

    OP, as a life-long cat owner who currently has multiple cats in their mid-teens, I have two words that will make your life and your relationships better:


    Taking your cat to visit with you on overnighters is a recipe for, pardon the pun, catastrophe. Cats don’t like being relocated; it stresses them. And when kitties get stressed, they sometimes manifest the stress by peeing and pooping outside the litter box.

    Even worse, stressed kitties can try to hide or escape, and this can be a disaster. Cats can be unbelievable escape artists, and can find hiding places that may require taking furniture apart, breaking down walls, or otherwise going to extremes to extricate kitty.

    Get yourself a well-recommended pet sitter, expect to pay a fair price for sitter services, and your life will be easier, I promise.

    • Cat December 29, 2016, 1:31 am

      Dave Barry once wrote, “What your cat likes is to sleep on your bed with you. What your cat really likes is to sleep on your bed without you.”

    • Joanna June 5, 2017, 1:36 am

      I thought taking the cat was weird too. Cat usually hate getting out in new places, and most of them hate car rides. Plus, they are pretty self-sufficient if you leave food and water and a clean litter box for a few days. A trip like this sounds a bit traumatic for a cat. The OP was treating her cat more like a dog than a cat.

  • Sawa December 28, 2016, 7:02 pm

    Well, someone was going to be inconvenienced.

    1) Op and her kitty would need to gather their belongings from the studio to another room for one night and then back again the next day. She would also need to sleep in a less cat suited room.

    2) Or the aunt and her hubby would need to sleep in a twin bed instead of a bigger one.

    I don’t think neither of these are really terrible conditions when enjoying someone else’s hospitality. A twin bed sounds great after sleeping in countless bad couches and mattresses 😛

    The difference to me is that Op and her cat were invited and these specific sleeping arrangements were agreed upon beforehand. The aunt invited themselves over and demanded certain sleeping arrangements and flounced after they were offered something else.
    I’d find it extremely easy to decline their demands.

  • Gary December 28, 2016, 7:27 pm

    I really don’t understand what was the issue here. Close relatives staying over for one night, without an explicit invitation is quite normal to me, unless there is some toxicity involved. The aunts’ plan did save OP’s dad a long trip and time away from his own family. They did not have to bring the grandparents with them. Traveling with the elderly can be very taxing, perhaps couple of hours were added to their journey due to more stops for the comfort of the grandparents, it is also unlikely that OPs parents house was directly on their way. Even if it was a short detour, but it all adds up . Most likely they just wanted to break the journey before traveling onwards.

    Where does the cat come into all this? I am not a cat owner, but is it really that difficult for a cat to survive in a small room, for a single night? Could the cat sleep in the larger living room area?

    • Anon December 28, 2016, 9:25 pm

      Most people consider inviting yourself without invitation or telling people you are changing your plans at the last minute to be quite rude. In my family, people don’t invite themselves over for a night, they ask permission for it in case the family they want to stay with possibly has plans.

      My old bedroom in my parents’ house is constantly dirty, however last year one of my cousin-in-laws needed a place to stay for a night or two. Because my mother was warned, she was able to make accommodations and clean the room in time with little to no stress.

    • Semperviren December 29, 2016, 6:48 am

      The OP’s dad may not have considered it a favor. He had a plan; he’d arranged time off work for it and apparently it included some time spent alone with his parents before driving back. His sister decided at the last minute to change this plan. Then decided, again at the last minute, that she and her fiancĂ© would be his overnight guests. Then decided for her brother how his existing guests could be moved around to suit her.

      Aunt appears to decide a lot of things for other people at the last minute, and fully expects to be accommodated. I bet that gets pretty old, and the OP’s dad had had enough.

  • Yet Another Laura December 28, 2016, 7:47 pm

    It’s not about the cat or about how twin beds are just fine for whoever to sleep in.

    The issue is how an uninvited last-minute guest thinks she can dislodge someone who’s already settled into agreed-upon lodgings to up and move to some other room because uninvited last minute guest wants their spot.

    Absolutely not. They can take what’s offered or stay in a hotel. Good for you, Original Poster, for not caving.

  • inailedit December 29, 2016, 5:32 pm

    Sometimes if I’m driving somewhere, I ask my family (friends) if I can spend the night.

    I don’t consider that rude, although it seems to be a general consensus here that it is. I don’t feel that the other is obligated to do so just because they are family, but because we are family I think it’s okay to call up my aunt, grandma, sister….whoever to see if it’s okay. I don’t feel there’s anything wrong with it. Just as I don’t see how it’s any more rude for OP to ask……if her cat can spend the holidays. (You can’t have it both ways, you can’t say it’s rude for aunt to ask to spend the night, but it’s not rude for daughter to ask if cat can spend the night(s).)

    So for aunt to call and see if she can arrange a night there for a trip, I’d have NO problem accommodating her, if I could.

    Seeing as how all the rooms were taken, however, I simply would say I have a twin here, and a couch here, you are welcome to them.

    But if I was told, INSTEAD, sorry, cat has the basement you can’t stay, I would be shocked and staring daggers too when I stopped by there later.

    • Semperviren December 29, 2016, 7:00 pm

      I see nothing wrong with asking. If you are polite, ask nicely, are willing to accept whatever accommodations are offered, are a good sport about it if the best rooms are already taken and you end up on an air mattress in the living room, or will gracefully accept a “sorry, I’m afraid it won’t work this time” – I see no rudeness in asking.

      It’s a whole different deal to ANNOUNCE you’ll be staying, demand explanations why not, and push your host to displace other guests for your benefit. All that stuff is really rude. When someone acts like that, it shouldn’t come as such a surprise to learn the hosts prefer the cat’s company.

      • NostalgicGal December 30, 2016, 5:45 am

        Your last sentence gave me a good laugh but it is SO true.

        In the OP’s case, their plus one, the cat, WAS invited. The Aunt and her plus one, wasn’t.
        Someone in another thread and post said if their MIL did something they better have whiskers and a cute face (to get away with it). The aunt might have whiskers but I’m doubting they have the cute face and purr to charm their way through.


    • Lomita Momcat January 2, 2017, 12:49 am

      Asking if you can spend the night, and whether it’s rude, to me depends on how much advance notice are you giving? To me, showing up at someone’s door and asking if you can spend the night, with no prior notice, is absolutely rude unless you’re there because of a real emergency. (Going on a road trip and not being able to afford a hotel or motel is not an emergency.). My logic: if your visit isn’t the result of an emergency, then you had time to know where you were going and think about where you might stay. The moment “Hey, I could stay with Momcat!” pops into your head, you owe me the courtesy of picking up your phone and asking me if it’s convenient.

      Showing up at your prospective host’s door and requesting hospitality is asking an awful lot. Host may not be feeling well, or may have other plans, or host’s home may not be in shape for guests, there may be family issues going on, all kinds of reasons why receiving an UNINVITED, unexpected guest may not be welcome.

      For sure, if someone other than my daughter gave me less than a day’s notice of their visit and expected to stay the night, I’d be asking them why they couldn’t give me more notice. I don’t think that’s unreasonable.

  • Lolkay December 29, 2016, 9:17 pm

    If OP cleared all with her dad ahead of time, and her dad wants to keep it the way they set it, that is how it goes. Aunt was rude and demanding.

    My dad would do the same for me and my cat too. Then again my dad likes cats more than most people…

  • MrsSML December 30, 2016, 12:57 am

    My MIL has a great saying when it comes to how guests behave in her home: My house, my rules and if you don’t like them then there’s the door. We’ve butted heads and I’ve even used the door once but her rule is also my rule. If people want to invite themselves to stay here then they’re going to have to put up with sleeping on the sofa bed in the living room with our three cats roaming freely as they please. The only people who have an issue with this are the ones who we would prefer to make hotel reservations for 🙂

    • NostalgicGal December 30, 2016, 6:00 am

      Love this. I personally would like to have a resident purrie to sleep with so this would be great. No I won’t be by any time soon but I think it sounds just purrrfect.

      • Semperviren December 30, 2016, 9:21 am

        IMO, it’s the highest sort of compliment when the host pet wants to sleep next to you.

        • NostalgicGal December 30, 2016, 6:30 pm

          Friend had married again to a divorcee with kids. Families had blended and everyone agreed on what to call whom. She had an old grand dame cat named Shadow of long black glossy coat and yellow eyes, who barely gave him the time of day. I would go over regularly and I worked on making the cat my friend. It learned I knew righteous kitty ruffle and would lavish attention on it if it would let me. After a few months I’d won the trust, and. I had shown up for the friend gathering at his place, the first one, and sat on the couch. The cat came out of no where, stopped next to me with tail up, meowed, and jumped into my lap and made itself at home. The fellow almost dropped the drink he was bringing me. He lived with it but it barely acknowledged him and I get the purr treatment. (after 4 years of marriage). I handed out righteous ruffle and cat was shedding and purring up a storm…. He conceded maybe she was a ladies cat. So yes, it is the highest compliment when the house purr likes you.

      • Kirsten January 1, 2017, 11:49 am

        Feel free to use my sofa bed. If my cat is jumping on your head at 4am, he’s not jumping on mine!

  • Firecat December 30, 2016, 1:12 pm

    I think the OP’s dad probably didn’t want to have the aunt and her fiance staying. Whether that’s because he didn’t want to disrupt existing plans, doesn’t care for the aunt that much, thought it would be too many people in the house at once, or was annoyed by the aunt changing things around at the last minute (or any combination of the above), doesn’t really matter. “I don’t want to” is a perfectly valid reason to decline to host someone, whether it’s by not inviting that person, or by saying “no” to a request.

    The only thing the father did “wrong” was to use the OP and her cat as an excuse. If he had just said, “Sorry, I’m afraid that won’t be possible, but this hotel and this one have good deals,” it might have been better. By using an excuse, he gave Aunt (who has already shown that she is happy to change others’ plans without consulting them) an opening to treat this as a negotiation. I do think he was right to not inconvenience an invited guest – who is also his daughter – to accommodate an uninvited one. Whether or not the cat was present.

    When at someone else’s home, I’m happy to deal with their pets according to their rules and preferences. The only thing I might ask is not to have to deal with any pet tarantulas (I have a bit of a phobia about spiders). Even then, I’d probably just ask if the spider could be kept contained, and then stay away from wherever it’s kept. Other than that, I’m happy to make friends or ignore, as owners and pets prefer. And I also consider it a compliment if the host pet decides to snuggle in with me.

    • NostalgicGal December 30, 2016, 6:45 pm

      Before they considered Mexican Red Knees a protected species, for about two years they were all over the pet shops and I had one. Even though I had a serious spider phobia. It was a single college girl living off campus and the landlord wouldn’t let me have a nice big dog (or a little one). I married my DH and he got half interest in the tarantula… and the first thing he did was build a lid for the tank it couldn’t get off and get out. Friends that visited, I had the tank where they could see it from the door and I could either point out where it was or tell them that it was out. And if it was out they declined to stay… Another friend had a small ball python and the fault with them keeping it was their house was sort of cold and though they had a light on the snake it needed a sizzle rock to aid digestion–it loved to be held as people were warm and I didn’t mind holding any time I visited. I finally scraped up the $$$ for the rock and gifted them with it for the poor snake. (minimum wage was $2.65/hr and the rock cost $35… not a cheap buy then)

  • SadieMae December 30, 2016, 7:10 pm

    It’s OP’s dad’s house and etiquette says he doesn’t have to host anyone he doesn’t want to… and yet… I am imagining Aunt writing in about her side of the story: “My parents have moved to a retirement home five minutes from my home. Their other child, my brother, lives several hours’ drive away, so we are the ones helping them with their regular needs. My brother was going to collect our parents at Christmas, but my husband and I were driving that direction anyway, so we offered to save him a drive and bring her. Soon we realized the drive was going to be too far for one day, so we asked my brother if we could stay overnight with him, just the one night, and be on our way the next morning. We were told we could not, because my niece’s cat – a cat! – needed to sleep in a large space and would be crowded by sharing a twin bedroom with my niece. WTH?”

    I’m sure I don’t understand all the details, and maybe Aunt has ongoing boundary issues that need pushback, but in the absence of that kind of info…it’s one night. It’s Christmas. Aunt isn’t a random stranger, she’s Dad’s sister. And it just seems a little petty to me for OP’s dad to turn his sister away because a cat needs lots of elbow room.

  • Elisabeth OP January 1, 2017, 3:37 pm

    Hey everyone, it is the OP! Wow, I got a lot of mixed reactions on here!

    I am sorry if I came across as snooty or rude. When I posted this I was still a bit shocked at the behavior.

    My cat was already going to be very stressed from travel, and neither I nor my parents thought it would be a good plan to have her in a crate, then in a room less than half the size of what she is used to (plus litter box and food), then in a bigger space with the litter box and food in a different location, all in the course of 2-3 days…or to have her be put in an unfamiliar space without her owner and have total strangers around instead. Had I thought she could handle it with no problems, I would have offered to stay in the small room for the night.
    Although Kitty is well-behaved, I didn’t want her “marking” out of stress or becoming destructive in my parents’ house due to confusion. It was honestly less about her being comfortable and more about taking precautions against her being a problem (peeing, pooping, scratching, yowling).
    I could not afford a live-in petsitter, all of my friends were leaving for the holidays, and I mentioned that even if someone drops by to check on Kitty, she still gets stressed out due to loneliness. That’s why I made sure to ask my parents a month in advance if it would be ok to bring her along – I knew it might be a difficult situation and didn’t want to suddenly impose a cat on them.

    In my family we do not just drop by unannounced. For Aunt to expect her sleeping needs to suddenly be accommodated in less than 24 hours is a very uncommon expectation. Also, prior to Dec 20th, Aunt had explicitly stated that she and her fiance would ONLY be dropping off Grandparents – not staying for dinner and certainly not staying the night. We have stayed in nearby hotels before when visiting Grandparents, instead of asking Aunt last-minute if we could crash at her place. I honestly thought her attempt at negotiation was even more rude than presuming my parents had extra space.

    There’s no way she and her fiance would have accepted a twin bed, and I don’t think she would have shared a bed with me. It’s just the way she is.

    I hope you all had a good holiday, and to all the posters with kitties, give them a pat for me!

    • Lomita Momcat January 2, 2017, 1:31 am

      OP, the cat-sitter doesn’t have to be a live-in. I have multiple cats, not going to say how many but more than average for multi-cat household. Anyway, my cat-sitter visits twice a day, spends about an hour per visit with cats. Since my litter-box set-up makes for really quick cleaning, sitter spends most of time here with the cats. On a per-cat basis, she charges me about $5/day.

      I absolutely guarantee that this is much less stressful than taking a cat on a road-trip. I would never, ever consider taking a cat to a strange house with me. That’s how one of my friends lost her cat: someone opened the door to the room where kitty was staying “just for a second” to put something in the room, kitty came streaking out and bolted out through a patio door someone chanced to open before realizing the cat was loose.

      My friend never found her cat and never found out what happened to her cat.

      Check with your own vet, check with other vets, search the web, do interviews. Build the cost of a pet-sitter into your vacations. It really, really is a better option than traveling with kitty.

      • NostalgicGal January 2, 2017, 11:06 am

        OP mentions that kitty stresses out if alone, so unless kitty could be tended by someone staying that she knew (like the BF) she couldn’t have a drop in petsitter. She needed to have someone around. So the decision of the best situation under the circumstances was to take kitty with.

        Plus OP made the plans well in advance. Her Plus One (kitty) was welcome. OP plus Kitty were planned, arranged, and settled. So Aunt had a choice of what was left or not. No rearranging.

        I have had many a purrkid and known a lot, and some can be quite persnickety.

        We had a keeshond for quite a while, she was somewhat timid, and needed to be around someone (they are a ‘people’ dog). We had someone that stayed with us for awhile and if we had to be gone we paid for them to puppysit. Else she would freak off. Boarding or having someone step in wouldn’t work for her. When that person left, we had to just deal with she had to come with us period.

    • Semperviren January 2, 2017, 9:54 am

      The negotiation part is what I thought was the rudest, too. I hate when the person needing a favor has all sorts of ideas how the favor-giver can rearrange their life to accommodate.

    • Dee January 3, 2017, 12:34 am

      It sounds as if you made the best decision for kitty, given the circumstances. However, I agree with other commenters that it is a good idea to get to know a pet sitter service, as there is every likelihood that you will have to spend the night away from home without kitty at some time or another. You don’t want to be in an emergency situation and faced with suddenly trying to find care for your pet. It’s nice that your parents accommodated your pet but you can’t count on that permanently. I’ve heard lots of excuses as to why a person MUST bring their pet with them when visiting but I’m never swayed, as it’s not difficult to arrange for pet care (we have to do it when we travel).

  • Pillbug January 1, 2017, 5:33 pm

    Last minute aunt not only invited herself and her fiancé to a meal and an overnight stay, she attempted to demand the accommodations she wanted instead of what was offered.
    Imagine that conversation. ‘No, we can’t stay in a small room with a single bed. Why can’t we have the nice guest room? Oh, our parents are there. What about your room? Oh, you are using it. Well, we’ll stay in the basement apartment then. Your daughter can move.’
    I’m surprised that she didn’t give a menu for their preferred dinner, and what they expected for breakfast.
    Some have taken issue with the OP’s tone in the last paragraph, calling smug or smirky. I take issue with the Aunt being snooty to the daughter for the duration of an afternoon. How would you feel if your relative was visiting and treated you badly for something that wasn’t your decision? This woman felt justified in being nasty to her niece because Aunt’s brother wouldn’t move an invited guest out of the room she was already staying in.
    Imagine the aunt saying it out loud. “I’m treating you badly because someone else refused to make you do something for me.”
    “I’m mad at you for something your father did.”
    “I don’t like you right now because I didn’t get my way, even though you had no part in that decision.”
    I see no reason to accuse the op of being smug and not showing proper respect to a woman that behaves like this.
    And for those that say the daughter should have just moved to accommodate a family member- as the host, the father made the decision. A good guest does not do the exact thing their host asked them not to do. It makes no sense to me to make it the op’s responsibility by saying what SHE should have done.

    • NostalgicGal January 2, 2017, 11:07 am


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