I had a friend of mine “N” cut me out of her wedding, despite the fact I was one of her 3 good friends about 15 years ago. She was stressed out and sensitive, and she got very upset that she saw me talking to someone in a restaurant that I used to be friends with. This person had spotted me and sat down briefly to chat. She happened to be the ex girlfriend of “N’s” fiancé. We were both young, in our early 20’s, and it was drama drama drama! “N” sat me down soon after, told me I had betrayed her, not believing my story, and told me I was out of the wedding, because she didn’t want me to “report back to the ex”. I was crushed. We had been talking about her wedding for an entire year, and I was looking forward to the event. We both went away angry, but my children’s grandmother advised me to keep my mouth shut, that “the best revenge, is indifference”.
Fast forward to “N’s” actual wedding, and 3 days before the wedding she called me and asked if my daughter (who was 3) could be her flower girl. Remember, I wasn’t invited. I mentioned this to her and she said, “Of course you are invited, just not in the wedding party! I chose my sister, cousin and best friend, we kept it small!” This might have been plausible, but I had never received an invitation, and had been excluded from her wedding shower and her bachelorette party.
We were both popular in our large friend group, and I knew that it was a strain on everyone for us to be angry… and truthfully since we completely ignored each other after she told me I was out of the wedding and why, we only had that incident to be upset about, so I was mostly hurt at being excluded, but relieved that she didn’t reveal all my secrets to everyone we knew, as we had been quite close. “N” was, by nature, not a mean person so her fit of jealously was really out of character. I also knew through mutual friends that “N” had made her previous flower girl an expensive dress for the occasion, and the poor kid had come down with pink eye and my daughter would fit the dress.
I decided to suck it up and pass off all the drama as her being a Bridezilla, and that 3 months of being a jerk didn’t over write 5 years of friendship.
“N’s” true nature shined through at the wedding. After months of hurt feelings, and strain, she was gracious, friendly, and I was included as much as she could include me, she even sat me and my daughter with her relatives at one of the head tables. I know that a lot of people would have written off that friendship, but everyone messes up sometimes. It did help that she never discussed with anyone why I wasn’t in the wedding. We were able to repair our friendship, because neither of us were hate mongers, and she saw that I did support her at that wedding. She did eventually apologize. 15 years later we are still friends, and she is helping me get through a sad divorce. She is still as closed mouthed about our business as she always has been… and if I get sad seeing myself missing from her wedding party photos because of a stupid misunderstanding, my daughter is there, looking like a little angel in a truly amazing dress that my friend made. 1207-16
Wedding Wednesday: “Temporary Wedding Insanity”
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