There hasn’t been a good “Wedding From Hell” submission in a long time. Read and cringe.
This is the story of my wedding. My Husband I dated for 2.5 years before getting engaged, and for most of that time my best friend wasn’t speaking to me. She desperately wanted to get married and was intensely jealous of my relationship. She started dating a childhood friend, got engaged after a month, and married him by their six-month mark. Once engaged, she came around, asking forgiveness and to resume our friendship (including being one of her BM’s). I still loved her and readily let the past go.
I wasn’t allowed to throw her a bridal shower (her Mom decided), so I threw her a girl’s night, with everyone gifting lots of naughty presents for the couple. She loved it! A few months later, it’s her turn to be my MOH. My only other BM was my groom’s 13-year old sister, so bridal showers/girl’s nights were up to my MOH. She did neither. My Mom decided she wasn’t up to planning a shower either, so I had to plan my own. I knew a lot of people, from moving around a lot, so I ended up planning two showers on my own. My MOH didn’t even want to come to the second one, because she’d already come to one, and “her husband didn’t like her being away so much”.
She waited until the week of the wedding to ask, unenthusiastically, if I wanted a girl’s night (knowing it was too late). Then, her husband didn’t want her staying overnight at the hotel we provided for immediate family and the wedding party, because he didn’t want to sleep alone one night.
The day before our wedding, half the country experienced a massive blackout, putting the rehearsal and following dinner in jeopardy, before the lights finally came back on in the nick of time! The day of the wedding was extremely hot and unbearably humid, making our planned outdoor photos impossible for our elderly family members. Our photographer was not as experienced as he claimed, so all of our indoor photos are a hideous yellowish-green colour! I ended up being 45 mins late for my wedding, as we discovered that the full-length slip inside my dress was beyond inadequate and my dress was completely see-through! The BM (from out of town) drove all over the city, searching for a slip, and finally found one in XL (I was an XS). My dad found safety pins and pinned the slip to my underwear, in front of my BM’s and both Mothers (bless him). That’s one way to break the ice with my soon-to-be MIL!
The reception was a nightmare from the beginning. We had booked a local two-level cruise boat, for a three-hour cruise up and down the Detroit River. Since the cruise fell in-between mealtimes, we provided several hundred dollars worth of hors d’oeurves, to be carried around throughout the cruise by waiters, along with several platters of meat, cheese, fruit and veggies. The cruise caterers decided to set up a buffet instead, without consulting us, and piled guest’s plates high with finger foods and it was all gone within half an hour. We were in the lower level, cutting the cake, and didn’t even get to see the food, let alone eat. We had also provided 5 hours worth of music to the cruise DJ, with explicit instructions not to play anything with swearing or sexual content, out of religious sensitivities. We walked onto the boat to the sound of Shaggy singing “It Wasn’t Me” – a song about getting caught cheating! When we told the DJ to turn it off, he smirked in our faces.
Then, it started to pour. And I don’t mean a mild, summer rain. More like torrential downpour! So bad that the canvas covering the dance floor caved in and water started pouring into the boat! I might have been bothered by all of this, but had (foolishly) decided to take sea sickness pills at the beginning of the cruise, without noticing that they were NOT non-drowsy! I spent my entire reception completely knocked out by my anti-nausea pills.
Not to be forgotten, was my first dance with my new Hubby. He’s about 3 inches shorter than me in bare feet, and I was wearing low heels. He decided to make sure he wouldn’t step on my feet during our first dance, by staring directly down at our feet the whole time! I was literally looking over his bent head, through the entire dance. Not exactly the romantic moment I had imagined. Especially when the DJ played the wrong song, which happened to be sung by Elton John, whom my Husband doesn’t like!
The following day, we left on our honeymoon. On the first day, someone stole my Husband’s debit card. By the third day, we found out that someone had stolen my credit card information online and had maxed it out! Then, I became extremely ill on our honeymoon, and had to be hospitalized overnight.
Thank goodness weddings and honeymoons don’t predict the marriage. We’ve been happily married for 13 years now, have two beautiful children, and went on a “second honeymoon” a few years ago that turned out perfectly 🙂 0628-16