Wedding Wednesday – What Wedding Hell Looks Like From Start To Finish

by admin on April 5, 2017

There hasn’t been a good “Wedding From Hell” submission in a long time.  Read and cringe.

This is the story of my wedding. My Husband I dated for 2.5 years before getting engaged, and for most of that time my best friend wasn’t speaking to me. She desperately wanted to get married and was intensely jealous of my relationship. She started dating a childhood friend, got engaged after a month, and married him by their six-month mark. Once engaged, she came around, asking forgiveness and to resume our friendship (including being one of her BM’s). I still loved her and readily let the past go.

I wasn’t allowed to throw her a bridal shower (her Mom decided), so I threw her a girl’s night, with everyone gifting lots of naughty presents for the couple. She loved it! A few months later, it’s her turn to be my MOH. My only other BM was my groom’s 13-year old sister, so bridal showers/girl’s nights were up to my MOH. She did neither. My Mom decided she wasn’t up to planning a shower either, so I had to plan my own. I knew a lot of people, from moving around a lot, so I ended up planning two showers on my own. My MOH didn’t even want to come to the second one, because she’d already come to one, and “her husband didn’t like her being away so much”.

She waited until the week of the wedding to ask, unenthusiastically, if I wanted a girl’s night (knowing it was too late). Then, her husband didn’t want her staying overnight at the hotel we provided for immediate family and the wedding party, because he didn’t want to sleep alone one night.

The day before our wedding, half the country experienced a massive blackout, putting the rehearsal and following dinner in jeopardy, before the lights finally came back on in the nick of time! The day of the wedding was extremely hot and unbearably humid, making our planned outdoor photos impossible for our elderly family members. Our photographer was not as experienced as he claimed, so all of our indoor photos are a hideous yellowish-green colour! I ended up being 45 mins late for my wedding, as we discovered that the full-length slip inside my dress was beyond inadequate and my dress was completely see-through! The BM (from out of town) drove all over the city, searching for a slip, and finally found one in XL (I was an XS). My dad found safety pins and pinned the slip to my underwear, in front of my BM’s and both Mothers (bless him). That’s one way to break the ice with my soon-to-be MIL!

The reception was a nightmare from the beginning. We had booked a local two-level cruise boat, for a three-hour cruise up and down the Detroit River. Since the cruise fell in-between mealtimes, we provided several hundred dollars worth of hors d’oeurves, to be carried around throughout the cruise by waiters, along with several platters of meat, cheese, fruit and veggies. The cruise caterers decided to set up a buffet instead, without consulting us, and piled guest’s plates high with finger foods and it was all gone within half an hour. We were in the lower level, cutting the cake, and didn’t even get to see the food, let alone eat. We had also provided 5 hours worth of music to the cruise DJ, with explicit instructions not to play anything with swearing or sexual content, out of religious sensitivities. We walked onto the boat to the sound of Shaggy singing “It Wasn’t Me” – a song about getting caught cheating! When we told the DJ to turn it off, he smirked in our faces.

Then, it started to pour. And I don’t mean a mild, summer rain. More like torrential downpour! So bad that the canvas covering the dance floor caved in and water started pouring into the boat! I might have been bothered by all of this, but had (foolishly) decided to take sea sickness pills at the beginning of the cruise, without noticing that they were NOT non-drowsy! I spent my entire reception completely knocked out by my anti-nausea pills.

Not to be forgotten, was my first dance with my new Hubby. He’s about 3 inches shorter than me in bare feet, and I was wearing low heels. He decided to make sure he wouldn’t step on my feet during our first dance, by staring directly down at our feet the whole time! I was literally looking over his bent head, through the entire dance. Not exactly the romantic moment I had imagined. Especially when the DJ played the wrong song, which happened to be sung by Elton John, whom my Husband doesn’t like!

The following day, we left on our honeymoon. On the first day, someone stole my Husband’s debit card. By the third day, we found out that someone had stolen my credit card information online and had maxed it out! Then, I became extremely ill on our honeymoon, and had to be hospitalized overnight.

Thank goodness weddings and honeymoons don’t predict the marriage. We’ve been happily married for 13 years now, have two beautiful children, and went on a “second honeymoon” a few years ago that turned out perfectly 🙂  0628-16

{ 116 comments… read them below or add one }

Stephbwferni April 5, 2017 at 6:43 am

Your only other BM was 13yo – how did she drive around town looking for a new slip for you?

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o_gal April 5, 2017 at 11:43 am

Maybe she mixed up her acronyms, and meant that the Best Man drove around town looking for a new slip (a very brave man, and might explain the XL vs. XS mixup.) Then she tried it on in front of her Brides Maids. That’s the only thing I can think of.

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Dee April 5, 2017 at 12:14 pm

Maybe she meant Best Man, or maybe not? but yes, this had me confused, too. Also, half of the USA had a massive power outage the day before the wedding? That’s global news right there but I don’t remember anything like that happening 13 years ago. The OP is either making things up or is prone to exaggeration.

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abby April 5, 2017 at 12:37 pm

It’s a slight exaggeration- it affected like 7-8 states in Northeast (NY, Detroit, part of Ohio)- google blackout August 2003.

This submission was dated 2016.

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Anna April 5, 2017 at 12:47 pm

I remember an enormous power outage that occurred probably about 13 years ago in the Northeast. It was in the summer, too. I don’t think it was “half the country” but it was widespread.

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Honeybee April 5, 2017 at 12:50 pm

There was a major outage in August of 2003 (so, a little more than 13 years ago) which hit a huge chunk of the Eastern US. So, that part I believe, as I recall it being reported as one of the biggest ever (and I lived in the affected area back then). And if the Aug date is right, heat is not unexpected.

The rest of it … well why did she “have to” throw herself showers–if there were no other organizers, then one just does without, as one is not entitled to a shower (much less two), and the rest of it seems like it was badly organized (at the kindest rendering).

I guess it’s one way to make sure that the adage “may your wedding day be the worst day of your marriage” comes true.

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EM April 5, 2017 at 12:53 pm

Back in 2003 the Northeast experienced a major blackout that left approx. 50 mil. people without power. It was the biggest black out in US history. It effected major cities like Toronto, Ottawa, New York, Cleveland and Detroit.

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Jane April 5, 2017 at 1:06 pm

Seriously, you don’t remember this? Perhaps it’s time for a health checkup?

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/biggest-blackout-in-us-history/

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Queen of Putrescence April 6, 2017 at 8:58 am

I do not recall that blackout at all! But then again in August of 2003, I was living in Minnesota (therefore unaffected), caring for a two year old and trying to recover from a miscarriage. Thanks for the clarification.

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Dee April 6, 2017 at 11:45 am

The reason I didn’t remember it is because that blackout was thousands of kilometers from us here and only affected about 10% (or less) of the country, and about the same for the US. Of course we heard about it at the time but being so far away it was irrelevant to our daily lives and quickly forgotten. Half the country? Hardly! So, no, I don’t need a health checkup.

Dawn April 5, 2017 at 1:38 pm

I remember the power outage! It affected a good part of the east coast, as well as parts of the midwest – it was from the Niagara Falls power grid. Fun fact: I had power in our house in New Jersey. My then-husband was visiting his parents on Long Island with our daughters. They lost power. Most of my neighbors lost power. I never lost power (and was actually almost home from work before the power outage occurred, so all I saw was a few traffic lights out!) My ex called me asking if we had power, and I said, “yes, why wouldn’t we?” He told me to turn on the TV and that’s how I found it out.

OTOH, I was pretty appalled by the bride throwing herself 2 showers!

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Jazzgirl205 April 6, 2017 at 8:15 pm

None of my wedding party threw me a shower. I didn’t expect it of them. In the 80s, there was no list on mandatory things the bridal party had to do to appease the bride. Other friends and friends of my parents threw me showers and luncheons, though.

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Queen of Putrescence April 7, 2017 at 9:33 am

I was married in 1997 and none of my bridesmaids threw a shower for me. One of my Mom’s good friends threw a shower for me (her idea) and one of my best friends from college threw me a surprise shower. I never expected any of my bridesmaids to do that for me.

I was my sister’s only attendant two years ago when she got married. But I did not throw her a shower (since as a family member that goes against etiquette). A family friend threw one for her.

Outdoor Girl April 5, 2017 at 1:42 pm

The date on the bottom of the post is June 28, 2016. It was August, 2003 when pretty much the entire eastern half of North America went dark due to a massive power outage. So no, that’s not an exaggeration.

But that’s about the only thing that is OK with this submission. 🙂

Throwing yourself one shower, let alone two? Asking someone to be your MOH who you recently reunited with? Serving only appetizers on a boat cruise, even between meals, when no one can leave to go get something more substantial to eat?

The DJ, the weather and the honeymoon were just unfortunate.

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Carol April 6, 2017 at 4:18 am

Why oh why do people do this? The HC is thinking “hors d’oeuvres” and the guests are thinking “I need a MEAL”. Never works out, unless you plan enough appetizers to provide a meal.

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Anon April 6, 2017 at 1:35 pm

Yep. You expect people to sit though a 1+ hour ceremony, and then have a reception between meal times, (which probably means that the wedding was during a meal time?) Either give people actual food or tell them where the closest fast food places are.

Jazzgirl205 April 6, 2017 at 8:22 pm

My reception was after 8 at night. I served very heavy hors d’oeuvres. Hot stuff, cold stuff, meat, vegetables, cheeses, crackers, bread, dips, fruit, dessert – about 7 cafeteria tables worth. Frankly I don’t like sit down dinners for balls or receptions. No matter what is served, it always tastes institutional. Hors d’oeuvres encourage mingling and dancing.

EOM April 5, 2017 at 1:43 pm
BlindAsABat April 5, 2017 at 2:39 pm

I’m thinking, based on the timeframe, it was the giant Northeast US blackout of 2003. That’s the only huge blackout I can remember – I was in Ontario at the time and remember how everyone in the news was blaming it on Canada (Michigan, Ohio, New York and others also were down) but it turns out it was all Ohio’s fault.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Northeast_blackout_of_2003

Certainly not half the US but a good chunk of it.

It’s still a bit of exaggeration, though.

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NostalgicGal April 6, 2017 at 3:07 am

If you look at how the population was situated, it was half the country, felt that power out.

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Vicki April 5, 2017 at 3:13 pm

Maybe not half, but Ohio and points east, to the Atlantic. Summer 2003. I walked home, about seven miles, because the subways weren’t running and the buses were all jammed with people.

We had an impromptu street party outside my building, sharing things like milk and orange juice that we expected to spoil by morning, lit by the diffuse headlights of cars on the bridge a mile or so away.

A lot more things are global news at the time than you’ll remember if you didn’t experience them personally.

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Mitsouko April 5, 2017 at 3:17 pm

Must be the blackout of August 2003. So, 14 years ago, not 13!

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Amanda H. April 5, 2017 at 4:00 pm

OP is probably using hyperbole, but there was a multi-state blackout thirteen years prior to this story submission: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Northeast_blackout_of_2003 (the number at the end of the story places the submission date in 2016).

Either OP was mistaken on her bridesmaid count and there was a second (third if you count the MOH as a bridesmaid), or she used BM to refer both to bridesmaids and a best man in the story. Which is why I don’t like using abbreviations like that in these stories because they can be confusing when there’s more than one person the abbreviation could refer to.

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Kali April 5, 2017 at 4:28 pm

I don’t see anywhere that it specifies USA. Maybe I’m missing something?

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Willynilly April 7, 2017 at 8:58 pm

She mentions the reception cruise as being in Detroit.

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NostalgicGal April 5, 2017 at 4:36 pm

Depends on when. There were some really large ones from storms in circa 2003… east coast and the south had a few big outs. If it’s more than your town or over half your county it can be a pretty large out depending on where you’re at and the time of year…. (date on submission is end of June 2016)

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Vrinda April 5, 2017 at 4:41 pm

She might have been in Canada. She spelled color “colour.” Maybe there was big blackout there at that time?

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Ernie April 5, 2017 at 5:30 pm

That one caught my eye too. I was just assuming she was from another country until she brought up the Detroit River. Maybe she meant county?

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lakey April 5, 2017 at 5:44 pm

Or it could have been half of Canada, since the cruise was on the Detroit River. Or maybe she meant county.

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Meg April 5, 2017 at 6:11 pm

There was a major blackout affecting much of the US in August 2003. It affected parts of New York, PA, Ohio, Michigan and some other states that I’m forgetting. A good chunk of the electric grid was down though.

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Lynette April 5, 2017 at 6:24 pm

“Half” is somewhat exaggerated — but it was definitely major!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Northeast_blackout_of_2003

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Nomi April 5, 2017 at 6:55 pm

Well, maybe not half the country, but there was a big power out that affected a large part of the country in August 2003. I believe this is what the OP is talking about as the date on the story is June 2016 so it would have been close to 13 years before that. But yeah, I was confused about the BM driving too.

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Andrea April 5, 2017 at 7:55 pm

Northeast blackout of 2003? Caused huge outages in the east, leading to the evacuation of NYC? It was pretty bad up here in Canada too. Don’t get me wrong, I think a lot of this story is a tad too outrageous.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Northeast_blackout_of_2003

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Cass April 5, 2017 at 9:34 pm

Weird – I assumed it was a typo for “county”, not that the OP was a liar. Different strokes!

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Bearkat Mom April 6, 2017 at 7:38 am

In August of 2003 almost the entire East Coast of the United Stater had a massive power failure. The only reason I remember this is because my husband was on his way home from the Iraq war and we were worried he would be delayed coming home for the first time in 6 months. Thankfully, our base’s planes made it out home the same day of power failure.

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shhh its me April 11, 2017 at 5:11 pm

I remember that black out it was regional several states had no power for hours-days.

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Princess Buttercup April 5, 2017 at 4:09 pm

I believe she was reusing initials (this is why text speak is always bad.) And the driving BM was Best Man. At least I hope!

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oregonbird April 8, 2017 at 8:48 pm

During a black-out, in driving rain…

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Sarah April 5, 2017 at 7:39 am

So… Sure, some of this is just bad luck, but a lot of it seems like extremely poor planning and bad manners. The LW THREW HERSELF two showers????? So beyond the gift-grabby pale my jaw dropped. She made her guests sit around and wait for 45 minutes because she hadn’t bothered to try on her dress beforehand? She didn’t seem to think about the weather (neither the heat nor the rain), and complains about not eating what sounds like an inadequate amount of food provided for the guests. Forget the bride, I’m glad I didn’t even have to be a guest at this wedding. (Or the two showers.)

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abby April 5, 2017 at 10:39 am

I noticed the throwing herself two showers as well. I will be very generous and assume her mother or a friend technically “hosted” while OP did all the legwork, but still, if your friends or family can’t throw you a shower, then you don’t get a shower. Showers are optional, not required.

Also could not believe that the dress/slip combo was left to the DAY OF the wedding to work out- who doesn’t try on the dress and the accompanying underthings before a wedding?

Also, I dislike throwing a reception in between meal times. Given that it was 3 hours, sounds like she booked a slot between 1-4 pm, which meant the guests watched her ceremony in the morning, and then were on their own for lunch, and had snacks at the reception. No wonder they loaded up with food- the guests probably assumed they’d be served a late lunch on the cruise ship.

Finally, when you chose an outdoor venue in the Midwest in August…you’re really, *really* taking your chances on the heat and humidity.

The blackout and downpour were beyond OP’s control. Everything else…agree, Sarah, very poor (and inconsiderate) planning.

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NostalgicGal April 5, 2017 at 4:38 pm

It sounds like too the cruise ship decided instead of the circulate with fingerfood to do buffet which would indeed lead to plate piling, if that was all that was offered. I’m sure more than a few of the guests expected a real meal on the ship.

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NostalgicGal April 5, 2017 at 4:43 pm

In the late 60’s to early 70’s a fairly well known concert pianist was invited to a pretty upscale party. Due to the time it was scheduled, he expected a meal to be served, so as he said, he ate sparingly of the canapés going around. Finally he was directed by someone to a side room, again he did expect food to be served. Instead was the hostess and a bunch of privately invited guests and a piano. She gushed ‘we hoped you would play something’. So he sat, took one hand, played five notes and closed the lid. Disappointed, the hostess said ‘that is all?’ he said ‘Madam, that is all I ate.’ then got up and left. -5 points to him, but -35 points to the hostess, as I assume he may not have been the only one that had expected food to be served. (I just wish I could remember who it was that relayed it it was an old Readers Digest read bit)

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Teapot April 6, 2017 at 8:42 am

I’ll bet it was Victor Borge. He was a concert pianist and a wonderful humorist.

NostalgicGal April 6, 2017 at 3:47 pm

If it was Victor Borge I would have remembered the name… sigh.

livvy17 April 19, 2017 at 4:16 pm

Plus super-negative points for trying to get a concerto for free.

shhh its me April 11, 2017 at 5:25 pm

The big issue to me ,is for it to be an actually 3 hour river cruise for 100ish , it doesn’t take just 3 hours. I’m from OPs area unless you go to the docks all the time down town is confusing , with construction(literally adding an E train and knocking down buildings so how to get somewhere changes often) and one way streets , 13 years ago was before smart phones , parking can be a pain and you in general have to be there before a reasonable time before launch add in the disembarking you’re legitimately talking about 4 and a half hours not including drive time. Plus the wedding itself. So if you have a noon wedding , with a hour to get to the boat unless its walking distance and someplace was on the way there is no time to get even a snack for lunch , so the time the guests were engaged by OP is closer to 6 or 7 hours. The guests had to be famished and trapped on a boat with no food.

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Dee April 5, 2017 at 12:21 pm

Sarah, I totally agree. The OP is less affected by Murphy’s Law than she thinks and is quite the bridezilla, per her own description. It makes me wonder at the real reasons for the coldness of the best friend and the culpability of the OP in that relationship. I’ll bet the guests are still talking about that wedding but not about the “bad luck” as much as the bride and groom’s poor choices and sense of entitlement (the groom DID make those choices along with the bride).

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Skaramouche April 5, 2017 at 6:49 pm

I’m not sure where you live but there was a big blackout in 2003 around New York and Southern Ontario. It had quite an impact. I can’t imagine how horrible and panic inducing it must have been to have a wedding planned during its aftermath.

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Anon April 5, 2017 at 7:46 am

I hope you got your money or at least a partial refund from the caterers. It sounds like you paid for one thing and they gave you something completely different. Or at least gave a review saying that they did not follow instructions.

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Colleen April 18, 2017 at 1:44 pm

I’m not sure actually knows what happened. She was apparently passed out or cutting the cake. It’s very very sketchy.

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NostalgicGal April 5, 2017 at 8:57 am

Wow what a collection. Glad to know you’re still married and happily by the sounds of it.

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PJ April 5, 2017 at 9:16 am

Oh, my. What a story! I do hope you can look back on it and laugh at how the whole wedding went so very wrong… and smile at the fact that the marriage is the better of the two.

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livvy17 April 5, 2017 at 9:32 am

I hate to say this, OP, but some, if not most, of these issues are owing to your own lack of planning.

Why did you pick a MOH with whom you’ve had a very unstable relationship? Why didn’t you speak with her about what you were hoping a MOH would do? I suppose, having been her bridesmaid before, you felt that she’d uphold the same standard, and she didn’t, for which I’m sorry. Why didn’t you ask her about a girls night earlier if you’d expected her to throw one? (also, just a note: one does NOT throw oneself a shower. Ever.) As she didn’t have any other adult bridesmaids to consult, you might have wanted to outline your expectations better. It is a little confusing when you mention an out-of-town BM who drove around looking for your slip – who was that? I thought you only had MOH & a 13 year old?

Regarding the wedding itself – why didn’t you try on the dress before the wedding day? Why book a river cruise when you know that you get seasick? Or checked/tested the medicine you bought if you hadn’t used it before? Why didn’t you talk to your husband or ask him to look at you during the dance? I’m sorry about the caterers, the weather and the DJ, and the honeymoon problems. On the plus side, at least you learned you would weather the storms together, and you’re still doing well. 🙂

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Annie April 5, 2017 at 10:17 am

I agree. Most of the problems are bad planning and bad jugement from OP.

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LemonLime April 5, 2017 at 1:48 pm

Yes to all of this!

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Colleen April 18, 2017 at 1:50 pm

Honestly, I’m not so sure the caterers and the DJ were actually as bad as she’s saying. Not in light of the other stuff. She sounds incredibly flaky and unprepared. (You gave your DJ a 5 hour playlist but couldn’t try on your dress?).

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Ashley April 5, 2017 at 10:39 am

If no one throws you a shower, then you don’t get a shower. The fact that you threw your own is very gift grabby. I also don’t think that anyone is owed a shower just because they are getting married, it’s not like the wedding can’t happen if there is no bridal shower.

As for the slip issue…did you not try it on in several types of light before the wedding? And earlier in the story you mention that your only BM was 13, and you say the BM was the one driving around looking for a slip, so how does that work if she’s only 13?

And why book a cruise if you know you get seasick especially if you aren’t going to read the box of anti-nausea pills?

Idk, I’m glad everything turned out okay for you but I feel that a lot of this story was the result of poor planning.

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Ashley April 5, 2017 at 1:03 pm

Also, I’m curious where this happened that “half the country” had a blackout? Based on my age and when this happened, I’d have been 17 at the time and if it happened in the US, I feel like I’d have known about it, that’s something that would have made the news?

So can we either get more details or less exaggeration?

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Fawn L April 6, 2017 at 8:14 am

It’s not an exaggeration. My son was born on the day this happened (8/14/03) and the news coverage was the ONLY there was to watch on tv (obviously we didn’t lose power in my area). It was a huge deal with even non-news channels dedicating air time to it.

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Dee April 6, 2017 at 11:47 am

It was clearly an exaggeration, since it was no where near 50% of the US (or Canada), so you’re okay, Ashley, if you don’t remember it. Geographically, it was a rather small chunk of North America.

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NostalgicGal April 6, 2017 at 3:49 pm

But it was a high population zone. So quite a few people were affected by it.

clairedelune April 6, 2017 at 10:40 am

It surprises me that so many people seem not to remember the 2003 blackout, though having been right in the middle of it maybe my memory of it is just more vivid. But it was real, and it was huge, and it was a mess. Because of the way plumbing systems work in high-rise buildings, here in NYC many people were not just in the dark, but also without running water. And of course no a/cs or fans were working, and it was HOT.

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Barensmom April 6, 2017 at 12:06 pm

At first I didn’t remember it, because I live in California. But now that a few people posted links, it’s “oh, yeah, that happened.”

It’s like I don’t expect anyone on the East Coast to remember Loma Prieta.

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NostalgicGal April 8, 2017 at 6:29 pm

I sure remember that one. I was working at a big box store in electronics and they were getting ready for the Series so all the TV’s were on in the area… my later and current BFF, was a first aid responder in a steel processing factory (they made stuff of sheet and plate steel to order) and she said one of the 30 ton overhead gantry cranes, fully loaded with a roll of sheet steel, came down and that roll burst when it hit. After the world quit rocking she had to go out on the floor and she was hoping she wouldn’t find someone in pieces because of that roll going sprong. She said all there was is a collection of bruises and some minor bandaid work, the roll didn’t cut anyone up when it went. (they were manufacturing crane parts for docks that you can see on the west side of the Bay Bridge main span as you go over). Where I worked the manager on duty’s mom was there and he had friends and sideways connections so he was able to call in there within an hour and find out she was alright (in that day and age that was some string pulling).

Shyla April 12, 2017 at 12:40 am

I remember the blackout because NBC then made all their Thursday night shows do a blackout themed episode. I remember a little of the Friends episode. Can’t remember what else was on.

klb4n6 April 12, 2017 at 11:33 am

Shyla – the NBC blackout episodes predated the actual blackout by almost a decade – it aired in November of 1994. Friends was my favorite show and it was definitely an early episode 🙂

NostalgicGal April 5, 2017 at 4:44 pm

I think she used BM twice. Once for Bridesmaid (13) and one for Best Man (old enough to drive)

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Teapot April 5, 2017 at 10:44 am

A lot of things in this post confuse me. The only BM was 13 but drove all over the place looking for a slip for a wedding dress that had apparently never been tried on? And if the strolling caterers turned into a buffet why were the caterers piling food on the plates? The point of a buffet is to put the food out and let guests pick and choose. And none of the comments about the jealous friend and her clingy husband are really necessary.

When I read that the bride threw herself not one but two showers I just had to laugh because I knew that my fellow e-hellers all gasped in horror.

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Kirsten April 5, 2017 at 12:39 pm

There are buffets where the caterers serve from behind the food tables.

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NostalgicGal April 6, 2017 at 3:14 am

I have a feeling that the buffet was a ‘help yourself’ and because of timing of the food, the guests, when faced with a buffet, were A) hungry B) expected a ‘real meal’, C) when offered snacks or appetizer level foods, loaded up (see B and D) and D) were starving hungry when they were offered anything to eat.

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oregonbird April 8, 2017 at 8:52 pm

I want to know why, surrounded by intelligent, capable women, the OP’s father was up under her dress with safety pins.

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Lyn April 5, 2017 at 10:46 am

I’m sorry, but I find it impossible to believe that, above all else, you did not try your wedding dress on until the day of your wedding?

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admin April 5, 2017 at 12:40 pm

It is entirely plausible that she was not aware of how see-through her dress was. One of my many duties as a wedding coordinator was to remind brides to try the dress on in bright sun, preferably with the sun behind her, to make sure the dress was sufficiently opaque. Over the years I’ve seen brides up on a church stage with the bright lights whose dresses could have used more slip coverage.

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Anon April 6, 2017 at 1:38 pm

I’m not wedding expert or anything, but why would you not try on the dress at the venue (privately, for those who still care about the whole “groom can’t see you” thing) to see how it will look?

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Cat April 9, 2017 at 9:36 pm

I recall that Princess Diana had forgotten to secure her underskirt to that huge wedding dress that she wore. Her dress designer, the only one who knew how to do it, had to crawl under her dress to fasten it. As he was emerging, Diana asked him, “Have you met the Queen Mother?” and he crawled out from under the dress to greet her.

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Cass April 5, 2017 at 9:38 pm

Because different lighting changes things? I just found out the other that a pair of pants I’d purchased to wear at work (I work in a manufacturing facility, leggings are pretty standard for women and some men there) are NOT opaque under the fluorescent lights in my bathroom but are opaque under the incandescent light in my bedroom and under natural light. And apparently I can see that they’re not entirely opaque (I was wearing light underwear; the leggings are black) but my boyfriend can’t, even in the bathroom. So, different lighting changes things, and I now have a pair of clean-the-bathroom pants, because I’m not wearing them to work or out of the house.

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Amanda H. April 8, 2017 at 1:50 am

I found that under the bright LEDs in my bathroom a fair number of my clothing items are thinner than I thought, as I can see just the hint of a bra outline under half my shirts while in there. No see-through effect in any other room of the house, at least.

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kgg April 5, 2017 at 11:20 am

I’m sorry about the blackout and the rain, the stolen credit card and becoming ill on your honeymoon. Those are things that are unpreventable. However, I think you made some decisions that contributed to an altogether suboptimal experience. I don’t know why on earth you would choose to make a woman with whom you were not on speaking terms for much of your engagement your MOH. You clearly had faith in that friendship, which is nice, but it just does not seem like a wise decision, especially since it does not seem like you had any other attendants other than a teenager. And the most egregious thing is that you threw yourself TWO showers. One is bad enough, but two?

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JD April 5, 2017 at 1:42 pm

Everyone here noticed the two showers, it seems. I know I did. There was a LOT of bad luck indeed — the boat had a very inadequate cover, the caterers and DJ didn’t perform as requested, the power outage, the thefts — but some of it was, as some have noted, perhaps poor planning. Still if the OP and husband are still together and the friends are still friends, I guess it all worked out in the end.

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EOM April 5, 2017 at 1:51 pm

I don’t know why some are finding this so confusing. It seemed clear to me that the out of town BM doing the driving around was the Best Man. But that’s why it’s important to spell words.

Also, there was a major blackout in August 2003 which completely jives with the timing of this story.

There’s plenty to say about this story that could have been mitigated by the bride. But, I don’t think it’s necessary to imply she’s a liar.

On the dress thing: I can relate to that. I bought my dress in winter time for a January wedding but was married on a beach in the Caribbean. I didn’t try it on in the super bright direct sunlight that I was married in. There weren’t any issues, but I can totally see how there could be.

I don’t think the OP should have thrown herself a shower and I really don’t understand why she chose someone like this to be her Maid of Honour.

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Wedding planner April 5, 2017 at 2:37 pm

I’m reading this with my jaw on the floor and saying to myself, “I would have handled that. Ok, definitely would have taken care of that…”.

Reason number 899 that you need a wedding planner! To take care of rogue bands, catering staff and to keep you from being tossed into ehell by educating you that you should never throw yourself a shower – much less TWO!

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Aleko April 5, 2017 at 2:56 pm

“Then, her husband didn’t want her staying overnight at the hotel we provided for immediate family and the wedding party, because he didn’t want to sleep alone one night.”

So, the members of the bridal party were accommodated in hotel rooms, but their spouses (and in the case of the 13-year-old bridesmaid, presumably parents) were all told to find themselves accommodation somewhere else? That’s pretty mean, given there’s little or no difference between the cost of a room for one person and for two. Or were the spouses not even invited? Either way, I think the MOH’s husband had good grounds for disliking the arrangement.

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abby April 6, 2017 at 10:27 am

I would assume the OP meant that the MOH’s husband was not planning on attending the wedding (either due to other obligations or just lack of interest), and did not want her to be gone overnight (so, instead of driving down the night before, he wanted her to leave for wedding the day of and return once the wedding was over, minimizing her time away from him). That does sound a little controlling.

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Anon April 7, 2017 at 9:39 am

Definitely controlling. Spouses should be able to stay out one night without having to be with their spouses.

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ddwwylm April 10, 2017 at 5:07 pm

Perhaps, or it could have also been the bride being as clueless as she appears throughout the posting. I was a bridesmaid in a wedding that was an out of town wedding requiring a 3 night hotel stay due to the distance and timing of the rehearsal the day before which was scheduled in the morning so I actually had to travel and stay overnight 2 days before the wedding. My spouse travelled with me and was invited to the wedding.
The bride told both I and her MOH who also attended with her SO that as a present to us, we could stay in the bridal suite with her the night before the wedding.
Quite frankly, I couldn’t really see how that was much of a “present” for me since I would still need to pay for 3 nights as my husband still needed a place to sleep, and believe it was a lot more about the bride wanting company herself.
So, if the husband of the BM was not also welcome to stay at the hotel with her, then I can see why she would have declined.

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Bea April 7, 2017 at 2:37 pm

I assumed the MOH was throwing her new husband under the bus to take one for the team when I read it. MOH didn’t want to stay at the hotel with the bridal party “oh my gubby just couldn’t bare to sleep alone one night!”

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MomsAlwaysRight! April 5, 2017 at 3:30 pm

I’m wondering if the out-of-town BM who found the slip was the Best Man? Those initials are interchangeable and it makes more sense than a 13-year-old. Of course, that would be one terrific guy if he did that!

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Barensmom April 6, 2017 at 12:11 pm

Perhaps the best man or someone else drove the 13-year-old ? I would think the best man would be busy doing whatever it is best men do, whereas a 13-year-old would be more suited for last-minute errands with perhaps her parents doing the driving.

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oregonbird April 8, 2017 at 8:54 pm

There is no reason in the world, surrounded by women, you would send the Best Man out to find something as fem as a slip.

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Colleen April 18, 2017 at 1:54 pm

Because a 13 year old would have experience buying adult undergarments? The best man is actually a slightly better choice than a middle schooler.

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Kate April 5, 2017 at 3:38 pm

In addition to some of the other comments regarding the OP’s lack of/poor planning, I’m curious as to why she just realized during her first dance that she was taller than her husband. Did she suddenly wake up 3 inches taller than him? Did he suddenly shrink during the night? If you’re fine with the height difference enough to wear heels, then don’t complain that your dance isn’t romantic because your husband is shorter than you.

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Amanda H. April 8, 2017 at 1:56 am

She wasn’t complaining that he was shorter, she was complaining that he spent the whole dance staring at his feet instead of looking at her, which with the height meant she could only see the top/back of his head and had a clear view of everyone and everything behind him.

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Colleen April 18, 2017 at 1:55 pm

Height has no bearing on the fact that he’s a lousy dancer. He could have been a foot taller than her and staring down at his feet would still have been a faux pas.

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Kim April 5, 2017 at 3:40 pm

There was a massive blackout in Canada (I’m in Toronto) and the NE US in summer 2003. Maybe not half the country but was massive.

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E.C. April 5, 2017 at 4:47 pm

Wedding DJs are the worst! After much searching, I found one who was willing to stick to a list of songs I gave him. I also asked for the speakers to be arranged around the dance floor, facing inwards, so the music was loudest there rather than blasting people who were sitting at their tables and trying to chat.

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NostalgicGal April 6, 2017 at 3:22 am

Triple check where the speakers put out the sound. I suffered 2.5 days of a 3 day faire sharing a 10×20′ booth area with a reiki and massage therapist where we couldn’t even think in our booth and her speakers blasted us. We kept complaining and finally Sunday afternoon I interrupted her during a massage session to ask her to come to my booth when she was done. She was amazed at how we were blasted out by her speakers. Apparently her husband kept turning the speakers up because in front they weren’t that loud. About 3/4 the sound went out the back of the open speaker boxes. Next show she had them marked between 3.1 and 3.5 (out of 10 so you know how loud they were, at ten, DEAFENING) and written warnings to her spouse not to turn them higher, And she added some baffle sound deadening plus closed in the backs. Made it civil for the next four years for us to share booth setup (4 shows a year). She just didn’t have a clue and was mortified we had to suffer that next door.

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Nicole April 7, 2017 at 12:15 am

I was a bridesmaid for a friend a few years ago. Ceremony & reception at the same venue, with the DJ providing the music for both. Easy, right?
The DJ left while the wedding party was having the pictures taken!
Apparently his band had a gig that night, so the DJ “arranged” for another DJ at the company to take over for the reception. But DJ2 showed up almost 2 hours later! We’d managed to hook up one of the groomsman’s phones to the soundsystem, and used that for the beginning of the reception.
Combine that with the officiant getting lost and being late to the wedding, it was an interesting day indeed!

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NostalgicGal April 7, 2017 at 1:03 am

We had that happen at a school prom when I was in Junior High. They booked the band plenty early. The booking place double booked the band, and they showed up to the second and later booking. People were besides themselves and it took a few people calling relatives in the city the booking company was in to go physically track down someone who finally admitted to the double book. Of course there was nobody to send in place. So the prom started 2 hours late, with cheesy 50’s record player and speakers (this was mid 70’s) and a lot of girls cried themselves ugly over it. The booking place didn’t want to give the deposit back either and relented when someone brought in their uncle lawyer from a much bigger city to write them a letter on letterhead. This was before it became popular to hire a DJ… you actually hired a band for live music for important dances and events.

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Ernie April 5, 2017 at 5:40 pm

In engineering, the general rule is that the more moving parts you add to something, the more things there are to go wrong.

I’m sorry all of these awful things happened surrounding OP’s wedding. I’d recommend that anyone planning a wedding take a step back and consider what will truly make them happy on their day, and what is there because it seems like something to do. Trim away the things you don’t need or want, and use those efforts to make the things that are truly important to you better.

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Politrix April 6, 2017 at 10:13 am

Amen to that. Also a good metaphor for life in general!

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Ty April 6, 2017 at 1:06 pm

I agree with this 100%. I don’t feel it’s my place to tell people how to spend their money, but I do get the feeling that these days, many people have big, elaborate weddings because they feel like they HAVE to (ex.: “So and so had one, so I need to have one. So and so will be so disappointed if we don’t have x, y, z,” etc.) No, no you don’t. Think about what will make you the happiest and what you can reasonably pull off. It’s much better to have something small and simple that goes off without a hitch than something grandiose and elaborate that keeps going haywire.

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EchoGirl April 7, 2017 at 9:40 am

“The more they overthink the plumbing, the easier it is to stop up the drain.” -Montgomery Scott. It’s my boyfriend’s favorite quote (he’s an engineer).

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NostalgicGal April 7, 2017 at 12:39 pm

I second and third that. I have that one with my DH, he can so overthink something sometimes and I’m used to KISS (Keep It Simple… Sugar). (I’m the one with a large clot of engineering classes too). We instituted the ‘two brains’ rule (off a Junkyard Wars season, one team was a bunch of engineers and rocket scientists and they did that so it didn’t get overthought/overdesigned) so as to get something sorted… Also remember in plumbing-most things flow down, gases will flow down or up. If in doubt, flush early, flush often!

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Skaramouche April 5, 2017 at 6:58 pm

Oh my dear e-hellers, you never let me down. I cringed at the showers and knew that all of you must have too. The comments confirm it!

I can’t help agreeing that OP brought some of this on herself. I didn’t think much of the between-meals cruise until someone proposed a time line. Now I wonder when the ceremony was. Was it in the morning and did the guests really have to go find themselves lunch before returning for your cruise? The only way it works if is a) the ceremony was on a different day or b) the ceremony was private and the guests were only invited to the cruise.

I also wondered how the 13 year old bridesmaid drove herself around. On the other hand, if she sent the best man to find a slip, no wonder she got the wrong size (this is meant tongue-in-cheek :D)

Anyway OP, I’m glad your marriage is still going strong!

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NostalgicGal April 7, 2017 at 1:06 am

I’ve been married for a LONG time and my DH still has no clue on what size I wear. I know his because I buy his clothes for him… It could be too, that when the one sent out finally found a slip that was the size they had on hand, it was take this or forget it.

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Amanda H. April 8, 2017 at 2:01 am

This is why everyone should have a “Special Event Kit,” for things like weddings, conventions, etc. Any event where you can’t just run out to pick up small items (slips are another thing). And that kit should ALWAYS have safety pins in it. I’ve lost count the number of times I’ve been saved at conventions by having safety pins on hand, for patching up cosplay, and they came in handy at one sister’s wedding as well.

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NostalgicGal April 8, 2017 at 6:45 pm

Safety pins, duct tape, double sided tape, box tape, three pairs of scissors you won’t cry if you never see them again, two pairs of nylons, big thing of bobby pins, roll of paper towels, box of baby wipes, stapler with plenty of staples, one of those cheap sewing kits but add one spool of white and one spool of black thread, bandaids (get the fabric kind for backs of heels fixing), aspirin and Tylenol, anthistamines, q tips, pair of tweezers, a handful of alcohol wipes (look for diabetic supplies they are cheap for a box), bottle of unscented not greasy lotion. Six pens and make sure they write. One pack (two or three) of those collar button extenders. Roll of string or twine. A couple packets of those pocket kleenix. TicTacs, go for MINT. Lighter (make sure it works). Unopened tube of gel superglue. Small magnifying glass.

This will fit in like a gallon baggie, sub into a few sandwich or quart baggies. This will save many lives. I added one 20 pack of AA batteries, two cheap AA eating flashlights and acetometaphin, a coil of wire in a dispenser/cutter, and two pairs of needlenose pliers to this collection along with a lot of bandaids and one 4″ wide elastic roll bandage when I went to a convention last year and one event was a LARP (Life Action Role Play) session slated for roughly dark to midnight. Saved many costumes and lives that night. The fellow running the session did a good job but had no idea what can happen…

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NostalgicGal April 8, 2017 at 6:46 pm

(okay the duct tape and paper towels won’t fit in the gallon bag, they need their own bag)

Linda April 6, 2017 at 8:27 am

Maybe all the things that happened were karma for throwing herself two bridal showers? (end sarcasm)

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Kat April 7, 2017 at 8:16 am

Please, dear friends, can we stop abbreviating bridesmaid (and best man) as BM? I beg you.

(If it’s for saving time while typing, there are text expanders for both phones and desktop computers, that would allow you to type BM and have it “autocorrect,” as it were, to bridesmaid.)

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MyWorld April 7, 2017 at 8:23 am

Throwing a shower for yourself was bad enough, but 2 showers? Come on now!

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at work April 7, 2017 at 2:09 pm

There are so many lessons to be learned here. I am really glad to read all the thoughtful comments.

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ColoradoCloudy April 10, 2017 at 11:43 am

Future brides, learn from this letter-writer’s mistakes:

1- Know the weather for the month you’ve chosen to marry in, and pick your venue accordingly.

2- Try on your dress in different kinds of light before the day of the wedding.

3- Don’t throw yourself a shower. That’s tacky.

4- Choose your attendants wisely. Flighty people are flighty.

5 – If you get sea-sick, don’t have your reception on a boat.

6- If you’re taller than your intended, and that may bother you, wear flats.

7- Get references for your DJ, Photographer, Caterer, Florist, or anyone else who is providing services for your wedding. Especially now that everyone has a Yelp.

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Wendy B April 12, 2017 at 6:40 am

Excellent. I’m not adding anything to the comments because of this! 🙂

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Miss-E April 17, 2017 at 9:14 am

Haha this is perfect. Really though, why have a boat reception if you are prone to sea sickness?? That’s just nuts!

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geri April 28, 2017 at 10:08 am

Perfect response. The only other thing I would add is why pay for a DJ for 5 hours when you said your cruise was 3?

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