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Facebooking About Missing Christmas cards

I wrote what I thought was a pretty innocuous post on my Facebook wall about receiving nearly all our Christmas cards in the mail one specific day right before Christmas.  The post said,

“I was wondering why we’d only received 4 Christmas cards all season. I started to think maybe our friends are family were being extra lazy this year. Until we got a HUGE stack of them in yesterday’s mail, some postmarked back to December 2nd. I guess our mailman was just hanging on to them for kicks?”

I received a few cute responses from friends about mailmen being lousy, but my MIL wrote a pretty passive aggressive response to the effect of “…I WAS going to mail out cards this year but decided not to stress about it and instead focus on more important things, like taking care of my sick parents.  I would have hoped that my loving family would understand and forgive my shortcomings.”  My MIL is usually a pretty awesome person who I get along with well, so I’m wondering…was my post rude?  Did it seem like I was attacking those who didn’t send out cards?  I honestly didn’t even notice we hadn’t received one from the in-laws and didn’t think twice about the “friends and family being lazy” comment when I sent it.  Should I apologize? 1223-14

I wouldn’t have made mention about friends and family being “extra lazy” since that is speculation into the motives of why your loved one may not have sent Christmas cards that year.   So, yes, apologize, please.

{ 67 comments }
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  • Skaramouche December 14, 2017, 5:13 am

    Wow, the message clearly struck a nerve with MIL! OP seems like a nice enough person but the part about friends and family being lazy put me off right away. I didn’t find it funny…just rude. “Maybe they aren’t being lazy, maybe they just don’t like you enough to send a card!” was my knee-jerk reaction. Unfair on my part, of course, as I can see that OP didn’t mean any harm. As a side note, this seems to be the new trend with humour and I don’t like it…no sirree!

    • Queen of the Weezils December 14, 2017, 2:03 pm

      I expect MIL is feeling a little guilty that she hasn’t gotten the cards out. I certainly am. I’m feel like my friends and family might not know I care, even though I know the ones closest to me are aware of the situation and would tell me (and have told me) to give myself a break.

  • Just4Kicks December 14, 2017, 5:56 am

    I had an appointment yesterday which had me on the highway for almost two hours, round trip.
    Just for fun I counted 37 mail trucks, not including UPS and FED EX vehicles.
    They really earn their paychecks this time of year!
    I’m also in the situation of caring for elderly sick parents.
    I love them dearly, but it really is draining physically and emotionally.
    My doctor yesterday told me I need to slow down and take better care of myself.
    I understand where your MIL is coming from, and agree with admin that your “extra lazy” comment is insensitive, but the rest of the comment was funny in my opinion.
    I would post an apology, but that’s up to you of course.
    Happy Holidays!

  • Rinme December 14, 2017, 6:26 am

    Yes, your post was rude, as you admitted having these unkind thoughts about your friends and family in the first place.

    And of course, those who didn’t send you a card are now labeled “extra lazy”.

  • tessa December 14, 2017, 6:33 am

    When you read articles about simplifying Christmas, card sending is always mentioned on the list of things to cut out. Or just send to a select few instead of the whole country. Factor in the cost of cards or picture card$ and the co$t of postage, it’s an expensive way to say Merry Christmas. So if you get fewer and fewer cards, its not because people are lazy. More likely, they are being selective with how they spend their time and money.

  • Lkb December 14, 2017, 6:48 am

    In addition to all of the above, the tradition of Christmas cards seems to be going away, in my circles at least. I believe it’s largely due to Facebook. I’ve gone from sending/receiving about 60 cards to less than 10. (Weird about the OP’s mail carrier though. What else is he/she/the postal service holding back? I’d look into it, frankly.)

  • Bunny December 14, 2017, 7:03 am

    While the OP didn’t *mean* to be rude/passive agressive, that is how the FB post came across to me. Personally if I’d wanted to post about it to be amusing I’d have gone with something like “The weirdest thing just happened; all our Christmas cards just arrived at once, 30 (or whatever number) in one go! Are the mailmen hoarding them?!”. No blame on anyone, just highlighting the weirdness/humour. An apology is probably in order.

    • jokergirl129 December 15, 2017, 3:12 pm

      Agree a response like that is much better than what the OP wrote. It can be really hard to convey tone in text especially if it’s not written in a way that would easily convey it. Or there’s no sign to fully contain the tone like a smiley face or typing an /s for a post meant to be sarcastic.

      So saying friends and family must be lazy for not sending out Christmas cards and not indicating you meant that in a joking way can rub people the wrong way. And I can see why the MLP would respond in a passive aggressive way. She’s probably stressed enough as it is trying to take care of her sick parents (and trying to get things done in time for Christmas if she’s doing anything) and if she didn’t read the post in a joking way but took it seriously I can see her getting upset and think the OP is blaming her for not sending any. Even if some people would think MLP was being rude for being passive aggressive I can see how the misunderstanding happened.

      OP I would apologize, especially to your MLP, and explain to didn’t mean any ill will and that you meant for the post to be a joke but can now see you didn’t make that clear enough.

  • NostalgicGal December 14, 2017, 7:42 am

    You need to apologize for this one.
    And this time of year mail does really weird things… due to volume. What should take three days can take two weeks or so…

    Last year I had ordered something I really needed and went to the post office four days before Christmas to check. They have two canvas mail carts about waist high and the size of a desk. Both were shoved into the corner next to the ‘incoming’ desk and you couldn’t see the desk and the stack was almost to the ceiling from both carts and the desk. That was that day’s incoming packages. Not letters, catalogs, flyers, and such. The bubble mailers to boxed stuff. Usually a heavy day is filling one cart over the rim. Yes I totally understood it was going to be ‘mail will be late today’.

    The place before, in a really large urban, we were four blocks from the post office and carrier would deliver on Saturday and Sunday if it was Christmas Eve that day. So last minute cards and packages made it. That’s why your post office begs everyone to send stuff early and post cut off dates, to allow for that increased volume so stuff gets delivered by Christmas. So yes, you could get possibly a thick handful of letters, with dates spanning fourteen days, at once. Right now I’ve got something, it was sent UPS surepost (it goes UPS partways and postoffice partways) and it has tracking. It’s four days late now and it spent seven days in one city getting transferred from UPS to the USPS system. I’m totally believing holiday volume for this one.

    UPS, our local route driver has been delivering here for years and knows everyone, what they drive, etc. He delivered to our house the usual time, Christmas Eve day (right after lunch)… and I had friend’s chore pickup because I was commuting and doing their farm chores while they were at family for Christmas. They’d ordered early and about half of their stuff arrived after they left, so I was fielding their deliveries too. I left for chores and while there heard the truck and went to meet it. Surprised him and yes he thought it was strange, he’d recognized the pickup at our place. Yes I was farmsitting (and had the eggpail in hand). He handed me a box, did a little jump for joy as that was his last route delivery and CHRISTMAS SEASON WAS OVER. He told me that the next week would still be heavy but taper off as late stuff got through the system. So yes, there’s a lot of hardworking people trying to get stuff to where it needs to go during the holiday season. And they try.

  • phdeath December 14, 2017, 7:46 am

    I find this a perfect example of why everything in our lives does not require commentary on social media. While the OP clearly meant no harm, the tone was lost in the post.

    And, yes: I also found it a bit rude. If the OP really felt the need to comment on the situation, it could have been better framed as “Received a great, big stack of Christmas cards today – huzzah!”

  • Michelle December 14, 2017, 8:11 am

    Yes, you should apologize. Saying friends and family who did not send you a card are “extra lazy” was rude. Holidays are always stressful, busy time. Maybe your card slid under the seat on the way to post office or they are having a hard time this year and haven’t gotten to it or a million other little things. You thought it was funny and I really do believe you did not mean any harm, but I would be a little hurt if I read that and for whatever reason had not gotten around to sending you a card.

  • Miriam December 14, 2017, 8:37 am

    I didn’t send any Christmas cards the year my dad died & my best friend committed suicide (on the same day), and our oldest family friend died on the day of my dad’s funeral.

    I’m truly glad none of my friends or family branded me extra lazy. :'(

  • flora December 14, 2017, 8:40 am

    I disagree.
    I found the comment tongue in cheek and mildly amusing. I don’t think you “owe” and apology but I thing an apology will go a long way in making amends. So I do think you should apologise and watch what you say on facebook from now on.
    I , personally don’t send Christmas cards every year. I’m very guarded with my time, especially around the holidays. I’m also not on facebook.

  • Lyn December 14, 2017, 8:56 am

    Yes, your post was rude, specifically the fact that you used the term “extra lazy” which is basically implying that you already think they are all lazy, and not sending you a holiday card now deems them even more lazy.

  • Chooseanothername December 14, 2017, 8:57 am

    Yep, your post was incredibly rude and I would probably remain “extra lazy” if I was in your friends or family group until the end of time. Your post didn’t even come within 10 feet of being cute or funny.

  • Just4Kicks December 14, 2017, 9:08 am

    And…not to be rude to you myself, but anyone who DID send a card that got to you late, I wouldn’t expect one from them NEXT year.

  • Aleko December 14, 2017, 9:10 am

    That certainly would have riled me. I am frequently too overwhelmed or just plain disorganised in December to get my Christmas cards out as early as I would like, and I freely admit it; but if any of my relatives or friends saw fit to describe that failure as “extra lazy”, they would be struck off my card list for good.

  • Lerah99 December 14, 2017, 9:32 am

    I don’t think you had any ill intentions.
    You thought you were being light-hearted and funny.

    But just like when you unintentionally run over someone’s foot with your cart at the grocery store, you should apologize. You didn’t mean to run over their foot. You had no ill intentions. You didn’t mean to hurt them. But when they say “ow!” your response should be “Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry!”

    Your Mother in Law has said “ow”.
    It would be appropriate to tell her “I’m so sorry. My post was thoughtless. I meant to be funny, but hurt your feelings and made you feel like I was calling you out. In no way did I mean to make you feel bad. I wasn’t even thinking about you when I posted that. I’m so sorry I hurt you.”

  • LadyV December 14, 2017, 9:33 am

    Without the part about “friends and family were being extra lazy”, this MIGHT have been acceptable. Even without that, the FB post makes me uncomfortable. I think if OP had just said “We got a HUGE stack of Christmas cards yesterday” and added the joke about the mailman, it would have been taken the way she meant it.

    • SJ December 21, 2017, 2:34 am

      Then again, some mailman might have found it rude that she implied he wasn’t doing his job properly.

    • Ulla December 22, 2017, 9:45 am

      Or maybe if she had joked about getting on his/her friends naughty list or something where her/himself was the butt of the joke, it might have came across better. But I agree that even if I understand she was joking, starting to read the message did get my hackles up. Maybe even if OP had began the message about receiving huge amount of cards late, the part about “extra lazy friends” might have been more easily understood as joke. But now that the message leads with it, you feel insulted before you get to the funny part.

  • Dippy December 14, 2017, 9:43 am

    I sent cards out my 1st year married and that was it. It’s something I don’t enjoy.

    Call me lazy, because I am!

    Happy Holidays!

  • Dee December 14, 2017, 9:58 am

    “Did it seem like I was attacking those who didn’t send out cards?” Um, no, it didn’t SEEM like it, you WERE attacking those you didn’t receive cards from. “… didn’t think twice about the ‘family and friends being lazy’ comment when I sent it …” – it’s obvious you didn’t think about how others would feel when you insulted them. And your MIL’s response wasn’t passive-aggressive, it was an honest reaction to the insult.

    If you think you are in company that is okay with being insulted for fun then perhaps you can get away with ‘jokes’ like this. Sent to all in an impersonal message on social media? Well, if there was ANYTHING funny about your comments in the first place it didn’t translate at all. I think an apology is in order but I don’t think it would be sincere, since you don’t seem to see how hurtful and greedy your comments were.

    To have a great relationship with a wonderful MIL is nothing to sniff at. Unless you learn to appreciate it enough to not send out comments like the one you did you may change that relationship permanently, and not for the better. If your MIL is valuable to you then you need to exhibit that with kind words, not insults. But it’s up to you to decide whether you want to invest well or throw away the good thing you’ve got.

    And the same goes for the other family and friends you insulted. But I am curious what you plan to do next year, when your card count goes way down; will you stop sending out all your cards, too, in retaliation, or be the bigger person and continue to send cards anyway? And the year after that? And so on? Because I think you’ve changed things from this point on, and I’m not sure you can change it back.

  • Devin December 14, 2017, 10:12 am

    I would apologize to your MIL. She read your post and internalized it as a direct jab at her. I would add, apologize in person, don’t let this become back and forth family drama played out on social media. Maybe also put a general apology in the comments that the ‘lazy’ comment was meant in jest and your sorry to have offended anyone. I think most people you interact with understood this from the start but social media pulls in a wide audience of less familiar acquaintances.

  • Mrsclaus December 14, 2017, 10:20 am

    The younger generation is very crass on social media. That generation gets it and gets a kick out of it, but not the older generation. In fact, if your MIL is like my husband, she probably didn’t even read to the end…..but stopped reading when it sounds like you were calling her “lazy”. I’m all the time telling my husband he didn’t understand a post or text correctly. It’s a generational gap that your generation is going to have to figure out, but meanwhile I think changing some of your settings may work.

    • SJ December 21, 2017, 2:36 am

      Good point.

      I, arguably of the “younger generation,” am often completely baffled at what people of the “older generation” take away from my facebook posts. They’re probably baffled by me!

  • Shalamar December 14, 2017, 10:26 am

    Heh. I stopped sending Christmas cards years ago, because I got fed up with putting in the effort of a cheery personalized message in mine and getting back a generic “Seasons Greetings from the Smith Family”. I finally thought “I’ve got better things to spend my time and money on, plus this time of year is stressful enough without worrying about missing postal deadlines.” Call me lazy if you want; I don’t mind!

  • Dyan December 14, 2017, 10:45 am

    your post was very rude…Christmas cards what a waste of time and money…I don’t send them anymore I give the money to an animal shelter…almost 80.00 for postage in Canada and the price of cards…for someone to read look at then toss away…in the landfill …NOPE

    • Ulla December 22, 2017, 9:48 am

      I actually save the cards I receive. And I also keep them shown for usually several months after Christmas too, on our wall. It’s very nice to see the pictures and read the messages. Just because you read and toss, don’t assume everybody does.

  • Teapot December 14, 2017, 10:56 am

    You actually have to ask if you were RUDE??? Um, yeah.

  • lakey December 14, 2017, 10:58 am

    This is one of those situations where you make a comment, perhaps thinking it’s funny, without stopping to think that it might hurt someone’s feelings. I doubt if OP actually meant that her family or friends were lazy. I suspect she was joking. I’ve made comments myself, then realized pretty quickly that the comment that I thought was funny, might be taken personally. We used to call this “foot in mouth disease.” I’d apologize.

  • JD December 14, 2017, 11:21 am

    I realized it was a joke, not that you really believed they were lazy, but someone under stress might not see that at first glance. I thought your post was funny — it sounds like something I would say, sort of — but apologize and give her some grace, even though her response was pretty passive-aggressive.

  • PJ December 14, 2017, 11:21 am

    I don’t know…. if you normally receive maybe 25 Christmas cards every year and this year, by mid-December, you’ve only received 4, the conclusion that *everyone* just happened to choose this year to be extra-lazy is just kind of funny, IMO. I would have seen it as a joke since the hands-down obvious conclusion is post office delays.

    *But* this is coming from me, a person who hasn’t sent cards since the turn of the century. If you jokingly called me extra lazy for it, I’d just laugh along with you. Some people can take a joke and some can’t. Chances are on Facebook, you’ll have some of each.

    So in the end, I’d put up an apology to MIL, and let her know that she’s an awesome person and you were only joking and of course you don’t consider her and your entire collection of loved ones lazy. You clearly struck a nerve with her!

    • JenAnn December 15, 2017, 9:45 pm

      To be fair, it’s not as simple as some people can take a joke, and some cannot. If you haven’t sent a card in 25 years, it’s not something you feel is important. For MIL, she probably had to talk herself into being okay with skipping something this year that she sees as a very important part of Christmas. It’s harder to have a sense of humor about something you are struggling not to feel guilty over.

      I’m in your boat though. I never send them, and have absolutely zero sensitivity over it.

      • SJ December 21, 2017, 2:37 am

        Yes! If MIL had to convince herself to let go of the guilt, then it would be so easy to take that joke personally.

    • Queen of the Weezils December 18, 2017, 9:56 am

      Oh, it is funny! And I probably would have laughed at the joke. But I guess MIL didn’t see the joke.

      Good intentions mean a lot. They really do. But so do apologies.

  • AMacQ December 14, 2017, 12:10 pm

    Sarcasm is hard to convey in writing – some may have thought it rude and others funny. I love that the MIL assumed the post was about her – that really does say a lot about her.

    • Michelle December 15, 2017, 11:04 am

      No, I disagree that it “really does day a lot about her (MIL)”. OP wrote “My MIL is usually a pretty awesome person who I get along with well”. MIL is caring for her sick parents. There could be many things she is having to let go or not do and, although OP was trying to be sarcastic funny, it came across as judgmental and rude to MIL. I don’t know too many people who think “extra lazy” is a compliment.

  • LilySparrow December 14, 2017, 12:30 pm

    This sounds like a joke gone wrong. I understand that you were being flippant with the “lazy” comment, but that’s always dicey on social media because people can’t hear your tone.

    If your MIL is stressed with caregiving her sick parents, it’s understandable that she might be extra sensitive and see this as a personal criticism instead of a lighthearted quip about the mail. It sounds like she might feel overwhelmed and misunderstood herself.

    It’s best to apologize and explain that it was intended as a silly joke. It would also be a kind thing if you offered her some practical help, or if distance makes that prohibitive, at least ask after her parents and herself. She’s probably feeling isolated and left out, too.

    If you usually get along well, this should be easily smoothed over. But since you do think she’s awesome it would be a shame to carelessly hurt her feelings and not try to make it right.

  • many bells down December 14, 2017, 12:47 pm

    Welp, add me to the “too lazy” since a bunch of my friends and family moved in the last year, and I haven’t had time to update all the addresses. So I’m not sending them out this year.

  • clairedelune December 14, 2017, 1:54 pm

    Yes, it was rude because of the “lazy” thing, but it may also be the case that your MIL lashed out more than she otherwise would have because it sounds like she’s taking care of aging parents, which is exhausting. So her response was probably driven by several factors, not all of them having to do with what you actually said.

  • Queen of the Weezils December 14, 2017, 2:01 pm

    It sounds like a well-intentioned joke that landed flat. You probably should apologize for your poor choice of word, and explain that you were just trying to be funny and didn’t realize that you were being insulting instead.

    From what I understand, the mail and private shipping services are overwhelmed due to a larger than expected online shopping load.

    I haven’t done my Christmas cards yet either, and I don’t expect I will. I am far from “lazy”, though. I don’t have the time. I have a lot of things on my plate this year and just can’t spare the time. I can post here because it is a few minute’s break from work, but doing the cards requires devoting a whole evening to it, and I haven’t had one of those since Thanksgiving.

  • Anonymous December 14, 2017, 2:25 pm

    I don’t send Christmas cards either, because I have so many friends who live far away that it’d just be too much, and also, on the rare occasions that I have sent cards, I’ve had problems with them not arriving, so now I just don’t bother. It’s not about laziness; it’s about not wanting to waste time and money.

  • staceyizme December 14, 2017, 3:08 pm

    The standard about use of deprecation in humor is that it’s generally acceptable if it is self-directed. All other cases depend on your audience and anything that appears to single out another group whether family, men, women, race, the elderly, special needs, other nationalities etc… is just poor form. In some cases, you can “roast” a group of which you are a member, as in “I’m a conservative and even I can’t believe what Trump tweeted…” or “I’m a liberal and …”. But even that should be a rare occurrence. What’s left? Comedy that’s based on shared situations and frustrations that doesn’t call out single groups as being responsible… and the time honored craft of selective self-deprecation that inspires others to identify with you, rather than wince on your behalf. Anything that makes others go “me too!” without making someone go “heyyyy, wait a minute!” is fair game. Joking at your own expense usually goes over well. Doing so at the expense of others, however, is often attributed more to insensitivity or outright hostility than a gift for finding and articulating what’s funny.

    • SafetyGirlie December 15, 2017, 9:21 am

      This! I was thinking myself that when you make fun of others, they are allowed to *not* be amused by it but the safe bet is to mock oneself because no can argue with that :). In fact, this year I’ve received two Christmas cards. I internally wondered (tongue in cheek) what I’ve done to tee off my family or the post man! Another commented something about the younger generations and this kind of humour; I’m unsure if that’s true but I do think something has been lost in society when it comes to remembering that our words have impact, even meant in jest. I admit, had you been my FB friend and I’d seen that post I would’ve felt inclined to comment that “Mine is on it’s way – I promise!” in defense of myself. Holidays bring pressure; snidely calling folks extra lazy (even in humour) isn’t going to alleviate that pressure or bring good feelings.

  • Melissa December 14, 2017, 3:30 pm

    I think this is a case of the OP being tongue-in-cheek, which always runs the chance of falling flat, especially in written form, and even more especially when posted on something like Facebook. Hopefully OP does not actually think it’s lazy to forego sending Christmas cards (a lot of people never send them), and hopefully does not also think that poorly of the postal service (another group she definitely could have offended!).

    I am pretty sarcastic, but I try to proofread social media posts a little more carefully because it’s such a wide audience. If I had posted this, and gotten that response from someone, I think I’d reply to the comment with apologies and insistence that I was only kidding, and of course there are plenty of things more important than mailing Christmas cards, and there is absolutely nothing to forgive because that is not a shortcoming. MIL may be extra sensitive, due to her circumstances, or maybe she hates that she didn’t get to the Christmas card thing this year, but if she is usually awesome and she and OP get along well, it was definitely a time to worry less about being “right” and more about being gracious.

  • KaosP December 14, 2017, 5:30 pm

    I guess I’ve always been “extra lazy”; I’ve never sent out Christmas cards.

    I know you were trying to be silly, but your message came off as very judge-y and unkind.

    I would apologize.

  • Tanya December 14, 2017, 6:10 pm

    I wouldn’t stress too much about it, but I would apologise profusely to MIL and make it clear that you were joking! At face value your post was funny and not rude or offensive in the least but MIL is obviously under stress and for her, the humour just didn’t land. That’s not her fault or yours; it’s just the way it goes when two humans interact. So apologise, reassure her that you don’t think she’s lazy in the slightest, and offer her help and/or a friendly listening ear.

  • Tanya December 14, 2017, 6:12 pm

    Just to add; I do think it is the polite thing to do to apologise, even when you did not mean to offend. Like I teach my kids about bullying; whether harm occurred is determined by the recipient, not the ‘offender’.

  • Kay_L December 14, 2017, 6:12 pm

    I agree it was rude.

    Your post wasn’t innocuous it was complaining about family, friends and ultimately, your mailman.

    No one owes you a Christmas card.

    A more innocuous post would be to say:

    “I was kind of down to not see more Christmas cards n the mail as in previous years. But, them today we got a whole mess of them, some postmarked weeks ago. What a delightful surprise!”

    You should apologize to your MIL focusing on her instead of making excuses. While her reaction may be less than “awesome” the way to respond is with humility, love and understanding.

  • Mia December 14, 2017, 7:54 pm

    I don’t really see it as being overly rude, as friends and family that know you, would know the comment was in jest. It was a funny story about not getting cards and then they all turned up at once.

    To me the MIL was being overly sensitive, perhaps she is already feeling guilty about not sending cards and felt the need to justify her actions but her reaction seemed over the top for your comment.

    I’d just apologise to keep the peace and just let her know in no way were you trying to be rude towards her.

  • Hannah December 14, 2017, 8:00 pm

    Yikes. I sent out 12 cards on December 1st– I’ve gotten a few in-person or text ‘thank you’s, but no cards in return. It’s disappointing, but I know my friends aren’t the card sending types yet (we’re all between the ages 21-26) and I’m not expecting any to show up within the next week and a half. But I send them anyway, because I enjoy sending cards. I would never point out my friends lack of postal sentiment on social media. I understand your attempt ad humor, but saying that you thought you were *only* going to receive four, and suggesting your friends are super lazy if they don’t send a card is pretty petty and tasteless. If one of my friends posted that status, it would guarantee no cards from me in their future.

  • Stephanie December 14, 2017, 9:33 pm

    I see where you were trying to go with the humor, but it’s always better to make fun of yourself than to call out others. “Started to think we might’ve gotten on the naughty list somehow” would have probably gone over better than saying you thought your friends and family were lazy.

  • Julie December 14, 2017, 9:48 pm

    My first response was ”well, you aren’t on MY list any more at all now!”. Lord yes, it was rude. It makes me shudder to think what else do you say and write that you think is fine that is actually callous and unfeeling. And how do you know how many Christmas cards you are to receive so therefore you are ”short”? Is this part of the entitlement virus epidemic, even down to CHRISTMAS CARDS?

  • Rebecca December 15, 2017, 2:16 am

    I’d have taken the “lazy” comment as a joke, because sometimes I send out Christmas cards, and sometimes I don’t, depends on life. And my relatives are the same. I’d not have taken offense at all, but instead construed it as a commentary on the postal system.

    Maybe the wording was a bit awkward and easily misconstrued, so I’d have just replied, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to say anyone was actually lazy – I was commenting on the postal system.”

  • Wendy December 15, 2017, 2:37 am

    “ I’m so sorry MIL that my words hurt you they were meant as a joke I understand now that they were hurtful to you. I know you are not lazy and would never intentionally say that you were, how are grandma and grandpa can I come over to give you a rest/send you anything to help”

    I’m sure your actions were not meant to be hurtful or rude and I can see where the humour is. However you only have to read the comments on this post to see that jokes especially ones in writing can be taken very badly. Like your intention of being funny I’m sure your MIL intention was to let you know your words hurt in her case stress and I’m sure exhaustion led her actions. Give yourself and her a break

  • DGS December 15, 2017, 10:09 am

    If you have to ask if you were rude, you were rude and passive-aggressive, and you should reach out and apologize. That being said, I can empathize that this was not your intent at all, but anytime one accuses others of being “lazy”, even if it was being done tongue in cheek, one is guaranteed to ruffle some feathers.

  • Rod December 15, 2017, 12:18 pm

    I don’t remember where I read it, but it struck a point with me: sometimes one is too cute/clever with a message or post and it becomes an insult.

    The way it was phrased was something like “the failure mode of clever is asshole”. That is, when you think you’re being witty but it doesn’t come across as intended you just look like a jerk. Live and learn.

  • Calibrate December 15, 2017, 1:43 pm

    Not only did you insult your family and friends, but you took a dig at the postal service workers who work extra long hours this time of year to make sure you receive your Christmas cards. Good job making your MIL feel bad with what I think is your passive aggressive comments.

  • helen-louise December 15, 2017, 10:44 pm

    I have a lot of friends who are chronically ill, so I would never make a post like this myself. I know there have been several years when I’ve struggled even to get out the “essential” cards (for the family members who would actively sulk if they didn’t get something). It’s worth remembering that a person might well not have forgotten about you and might well not be being lazy – they simply can’t manage to get out of the house to buy cards, or can’t write well enough to be able to hand-write cards, or can’t get them to the post box. There have been years when I’ve just about managed a text message to wish people well, and even a few where the best I could manage was literally just thinking about them.

    Even if a person is usually healthy, the entire household could be struck down with influenza or other winter illnesses, and be far too unwell and contagious to buy cards and stamps.

    So try not to make harsh judgements about people. You don’t know everything going on in their lives.

  • Jessy December 16, 2017, 10:08 am

    Wow, the entitlement and the rudeness in your post. Just wow. I was embarrassed for you just reading it when it was not intended for me.

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