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Facebooking About Missing Christmas cards

I wrote what I thought was a pretty innocuous post on my Facebook wall about receiving nearly all our Christmas cards in the mail one specific day right before Christmas.  The post said,

“I was wondering why we’d only received 4 Christmas cards all season. I started to think maybe our friends are family were being extra lazy this year. Until we got a HUGE stack of them in yesterday’s mail, some postmarked back to December 2nd. I guess our mailman was just hanging on to them for kicks?”

I received a few cute responses from friends about mailmen being lousy, but my MIL wrote a pretty passive aggressive response to the effect of “…I WAS going to mail out cards this year but decided not to stress about it and instead focus on more important things, like taking care of my sick parents.  I would have hoped that my loving family would understand and forgive my shortcomings.”  My MIL is usually a pretty awesome person who I get along with well, so I’m wondering…was my post rude?  Did it seem like I was attacking those who didn’t send out cards?  I honestly didn’t even notice we hadn’t received one from the in-laws and didn’t think twice about the “friends and family being lazy” comment when I sent it.  Should I apologize? 1223-14

I wouldn’t have made mention about friends and family being “extra lazy” since that is speculation into the motives of why your loved one may not have sent Christmas cards that year.   So, yes, apologize, please.

{ 67 comments… add one }
  • Barbara Foster December 18, 2017, 9:28 am

    I don’t think the OP intended it, but the e-mail did come off as scolding. People are usually pretty highly stressed about Christmas preparations – I have to resist the urge to growl when people by December 1 start asking “Finished your Christmas shopping yet?” Being called (even in jest) “lazy” makes stressed people more stressed.

    Just apologize to your MIL, and move on. You meant no harm, and if she’s really a good person, she’ll realize that once her stress levels are back to normal.

  • Pat December 18, 2017, 11:01 am

    Apologize to your MIL. Although you didn’t mean it, the post was rude.

  • Pat December 18, 2017, 11:06 am

    Apologize to your MIL. Although you didn’t mean it, the post was rude. I read a similar post a few years ago – an out of state relative posted how sending Christmas cards was such a pain and she wanted to stop. She’s still sending cards but now have to think about what a pain in the neck it is for her to send them. All she needed to do was stop sending them if she wanted to. Really, announcing every thought on Facebook is not a good idea.

  • LenaH December 20, 2017, 11:59 am

    It does come across from your post here that your original comment was supposed to be tongue-in-cheek, but I can definitely see where family/friends would take it as passive aggressiveness on your part.

    My parents are big on cards at birthdays/Christmas/their Anniversary. I can send a couple of lovely gifts that I think they’ll like on celebratory occasions and, without fail, my mother will call specifically to *politely* ask: “oh, by the way, are we getting a card/did you send a card this year?”

    I have never forgotten to send a card, although the post at busy times like Christmas, will occasionally mean a delay. Their obsession with cards drives me absolutely batty!

  • SJ December 21, 2017, 2:31 am

    That’s exactly the kind of thing I would say.

    It’s obvious to me that the point of your post is the humorous surprise of the stack of cards delivered when you’d noticed so few.

    But, I’ve accidentally offended people in almost this same way. Since your intentions weren’t bad, you can apologize with honesty that you had no intention of implying she did anything wrong in focusing elsewhere this season.

  • Alysoun December 30, 2017, 11:41 pm

    The post wasn’t the least bit rude, it was a funny story about your ongoing inner monologue. However since your MiL is under stress and wasn’t reading closely, go ahead and apologize for not being clear about your confusion: you didn’t notice any particular person not sending a card, you thought that NOBODY had sent cards, which would be unusual.

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