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Wedding Wednesday – Sologamy May Be The Hot Trend In Weddings But You Won’t Be Getting A Gift From Me

In the new trend called “sologamy,” women are committing themselves to themselves with their own wedding ceremony. These women, such as self-styled “sologamist” Erika Anderson, throw on a white gown, invite their close friends and family and marry themselves in a legally nonbinding way.

“I would describe it as women saying yes to themselves,” Anderson, 37, explained in a WUSA9 article. “It means that we are enough, even if we are not partnered with someone else.    “You’re worth it!” she added.  Anderson tied the knot to herself in New York City and advocates for the self-marriage lifestyle.    “Anderson said she grew tired of people asking why she was still single. So, in front of family and friends she married herself,” notes WUSA9.

The trend has grown within the United States and has even gone international.  A site, appropriately named ImarriedMe.com, is looking to capitalize on the trend by offering a kit to assist you in planning your own wedding ceremony, “self-wedding” rings and daily self-affirmation cards.   “A self-wedding is a symbolic ceremony–about reconnecting and staying connected with you. Wear the ring to remind you every day to LOVE YOURSELF,” says the site.   The higher-end “I Married Me Self-Wedding In-A-Box” kits cost $230.   There’s also a company in Canada called “Marry Yourself Vancouver,” which offers photography and consulting.

My thoughts on this trend is to be skeptical of any occasion that deliberately draws attention to a person’s need to be affirmed or validated as “worth it”.   Relying on external sources to validate your worth reveals a shaky foundation that can change or collapse on a whim whereas having an internal source of one’s own value transcends the need for artificial events like a self wedding to make a point.

And knowing how the wedding industry works like I do, it is merely a matter of time before gift registries become firmly associated with a solo wedding.   You plan your own ceremony, your own vows, wear a white dress and flowers, invite guests and, of course, register for all the gifts.   I will state here and now that no one is obligated to give a “wedding” present to someone engaging in a sologamy ceremony.


{ 126 comments… add one }
  • AS May 18, 2017, 9:09 am

    Next will they have a I’m-not-having-a-baby shower to wane off people’s queries about when they’ll have a baby? (That is assuming that the sologamy wedding actually worked to stop people from asking them when they are getting married).

    • mark May 19, 2017, 2:35 pm

      There was a Dilbert strip on that. He wanted to hold a shower for himself to recoup some of the presents he had bought for coworkers over the years.

    • Amanda H. May 19, 2017, 3:32 pm

      As someone upthread mentioned, I think it’ll be more like an “I just adopted a baby doll so you can stop asking when I’ll have a baby” shower.

      Which will probably work as well as the “I’m marrying myself, so you can stop asking why I’m not married” event.

  • Wanda888 May 18, 2017, 5:33 pm

    One person and an online store are not a “trend.” These kinds of articles never have statistics on how big these so-called “trends” actually are. They exist solely to titillate.

    • Amanda H. May 19, 2017, 3:33 pm

      However if they get enough circulation they could still kick off a trend. Plus others have mentioned that this was apparently done in a Sex and the City episode, so there’s that.

  • Ajay May 18, 2017, 8:42 pm

    What happens if you meet someone ‘else’ you want to legally marry? Do you then need to divorce yourself?

  • Lisa824 May 18, 2017, 8:59 pm

    I had a related conversation with coworkers this evening. We were talking about the expense of being a single adult, and I joked that I’d like to have a “registry wedding”—like a green-card wedding, but the goal would be to get all the stuff instead of getting citizenship.

    While I was definitely joking about the registry wedding (and would NEVER go through with it), I can understand the impulse behind a sologamy wedding. We’re brought up from little girls to fantasize about the dream wedding. But many of us, whether through choice or happenstance, will never get to live out that dream. We see our friends and relatives having elaborate celebrations—often at their parents’ expense—with the white dress, the cake, the toasts, and—yes—the gifts—but never get to have that experience for ourselves—through no fault of our own. Yes, we could throw ourselves a lavish bash for some other reason—but it isn’t the same. So, while I wouldn’t go for a sologamy wedding, I can understand why some women would.

  • Darshiva May 20, 2017, 11:35 pm

    So, from an etiquette standpoint, let’s discuss some good answers to the “Why haven’t you gotten married, yet?” question.

    My suggestions:

    1) Why do you ask?
    2) Are you proposing to me?
    3) Because I have every STD in the book, and wouldn’t want to give them to a person I loved. Want to hear about all of my symptoms? I’d be happy to discuss my personal life with you at length. Hey! Where are you going? I haven’t even started, yet! Want to see the pus-filled blisters? It’s so cool when they pop! LOOK!
    4) Miss Manners’ classic, “How kind of you to take an interest in my personal affairs.”

    Any other suggestions?

    • Ajay May 21, 2017, 9:44 pm

      I got a little bit ill a few years ago, (nothing serious, in the end, just mismanaged) and I lost a fair bit of weight quite quickly, enough that my wedding rings were worn on a necklace for a bit, I actually got to use No: 2!

      and very gently let him down ans I was actually already married… I just know he was heart broken…

  • DaDancingPsych May 22, 2017, 12:09 pm

    While this trend is really not my style, I do understand some of the sentiment behind it. I’m a happily single mid-thirty something with no future ambitions to get married. There are many situations where society leaves me feeling like there is something wrong with me, because I am not married. And the comments and mingling of others can become exhausting. “No, I do not want to try online dating because it worked for your aunt’s sister’s cousin.” Maybe this ceremony would cut some of that off… I’m doubtful, but maybe.

    What really is a wedding gift? A present to celebrate a new chapter in someone’s life. (Is that fair?) I think that there are MANY reasons to celebrate someone’s life. Yes, marriage, new baby, but what about some of the lesser celebrated times in a single person’s life? No, I have no interest in gimme pigging my relatives for gifts, but it sure would be nice if someone gifted me new place settings (I’m still using hand-me downs). If I got married, someone would probably do just that.

    If someone decided that he/she wanted to enter sologamy, I might not understand the desire for the big ceremony. But assuming that the person is important to me, yes, I would support this decision and even celebrate it… yes, with a gift off the registry.

  • Unknown1 June 28, 2017, 6:39 pm

    Another unmarried, no plans to single mid 30s lady here. Respect to all those commenting above that referenced how it can feel to live in a society that stops just *this side* of out right saying “What’s wrong with you?” & acknowledging how much more expensive solo life can be!!!! While this sort of thing wouldn’t be for me (nor would an elaborate wedding should I later decide to change/give up the awesome life I have as a solo person), I can also understand why some women would do this…..I’ve always said if my savings are where I want them the year I turn 41, I will throw a lavish party for the major holiday near my birth date. It happens to be a holiday where I’d be in good etiquette to give the people I value in my life gifts and have lots of food and music. I never wanted to get married as a little girl. I had an early childhood misgiving about having to change my last name and wasn’t interested. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on a wedding event bc having to plan anything near a traditional one would be a nightmare for me, but adult me would love a good party!

    Also, to answer Ajay about if one would have to divorce oneself if one changed one’s mind later…

    I briefly considered the idea of “self marriage”, not in a “throw a ceremony/party” way, but legally, for myself to protect what I’ve worked in my life to have. One could form a single member LLC, file no activity, and then if/when one changed one’s mind, disolve the LLC. Federal, State and locale taxes and fees would vary by locale and one’s own circumstances. =)

  • Nicole August 5, 2017, 12:04 pm

    How sad it is when we have to affirm to ourselves that we are enough without a man.

    They are enough within themselves, and they know it from birth.

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