Cringe-Worthy Party Exit

by admin on May 25, 2017

My whole family was invited in May of 2010 to a high school graduation party. My younger sister and I spent several years competing on a privately owned dance team, and the girl graduating had been our teammate. The two sets of parents also became friends through dance company events and competitions. My sister is a year younger than this girl, and I was 20 at the time this story took place.

The graduation party invite was for a BBQ-style get-together in the backyard of the family’s home from 5 to 7pm. The event also served as a sort of family reunion centered around our friend’s graduation; many of her family members from across the country came to support and congratulate her, and there were very few non-family members in attendance at the party. We felt honored to be considered close enough friends to be invited to the intimate, family-oriented event. The party was enjoyable, my sister and I had a great time catching up with the graduate, and our parents enjoyed the opportunity to catch up as well.

Around 8 or 8:30, when some family group pictures started to be taken and the party began to noticeably wind down, my family decided it would be best to make our exit. It was well past the end time specified on the invite, and though the party had comfortably and naturally carried on longer than expected, it was beginning to slow down and we felt it best to head out. The etiquette breach occurred as we were saying our goodbyes to the graduate and her parents, and was committed by my father, who dragged my sister and I unwillingly into the flames of etiquette hell with him.

My father is substantially lacking in social graces, but more or less manages not to be too terribly appalling in public; this was, unfortunately, not one of those lucky blunder-free instances. He announced to the graduate’s parents, with her standing right there, that my sister and I both had plans for that very evening with our respective boyfriends and thus we all needed to be leaving. My sister and I were mortified and stood there in stunned silence, probably with mouths slightly agape and eyes wide. The gracious hosts thanked us all for coming and suggested that we would all have to get together again soon, on a night when there were no upcoming plans with the boyfriends. My sister and I, and my mother too, later agreed that we were horrified by my father’s tactless transition into party exit mode.

While my sister and I did in fact have plans scheduled for later that evening, that is nothing we would have ever revealed to the hosting family. No awkward, tacky explanation for leaving the party was needed when the event was clearly ending and it was perfectly appropriate to excuse ourselves politely, thank the family and congratulate our friend, and leave. Why my 50-something year old father couldn’t grasp this, but his 17 and 20 year old daughters could, is beyond me. I only hope that the family forgets all about the incident and that my sister and I don’t burn in etiquette hell next to my father! So embarrassing! 0227-11

{ 74 comments… read them below or add one }

NostalgicGal May 25, 2017 at 3:14 am

You were blindsided, OP, and so you get a pass. Your father can burn for it alone. Sometimes someone never develops the filter(s) needed. I do hope that you have further contact with your friend and can at least explain your side of the situation… I do hope the friendship survives your father putting both feet in his mouth.

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TracyX May 25, 2017 at 6:50 am

I’m sorry, but I don’t really see what the father did that was so horrifying. He was a little blunt, but aside from that, I don’t see what he did wrong.

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Dana May 25, 2017 at 10:11 am

I don’t either. He may have said it in a joking way or maybe he thought he needed to make an explanation. To me, I don’t think he needs to burn in E-hell at all.

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Anonymous May 25, 2017 at 1:54 pm

Yeah, I agree with TracyX and Dana. I don’t think this warrants E-Hell, especially after yesterday’s post about the bride who tried to get her red-haired friend to dye her hair brown to match the rest of the bridesmaids. She belongs in E-Hell, but the OP’s dad doesn’t.

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Dee May 25, 2017 at 3:04 pm

I suspect the main issue is a common one for young people when dealing with their parents – everything they do and say is potentially embarrassing. I don’t see that the dad did anything particularly wrong. Usually kids find their parents less cringeworthy once the kids leave home and don’t see their parents on a daily basis. That and age help to ease the awkwardness, if a parent isn’t truly horrible, that is.

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Kali May 26, 2017 at 9:01 am

I was thinking “so what?” by the end of the story! So glad it’s not just me!

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babs May 27, 2017 at 4:53 pm

I didn’t quite see the horror either. If they “ate and ran” with Dad admitting they had other plans, that would have been embarrassing. But they actually stayed beyond the time frame, and it’s not unusual for people to have more than one commitment. Give poor dad a pass!

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Celestia May 25, 2017 at 7:06 am

I….don’t get it? The party had a stated end time….you had plans that were scheduled for after the party was meant to end….the plans themselves weren’t rude (right?), so why would sharing them with the host be rude? I get that it’s not NECESSARY to tell them, but it isn’t like you were making your exit half an hour after it started because you double-booked yourself, or anything like that.

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clairedelune May 27, 2017 at 5:46 pm

Perfectly stated. At best this seems like a wild overreaction on the OP’s part.

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DancerDiva May 30, 2017 at 10:43 pm

Since there was no reason for Dad to announce these plans (they’d overstayed the original stated party time, so they weren’t ducking out early), I don’t think this is a wild overreaction. Yes, probably Dad embarrassing the teenagers, but I would be cringing too. Dad should’ve just congratulated the graduate, said good night and then left. No need to volunteer information that isn’t needed.

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JJ May 27, 2017 at 10:18 pm

Agreed. My own family has left many friend or family functions when the even was over or near over and they had plans. We might not announce it out loud to everyone but we usually said good byes and just dropped basic lines like, “thanks for the great time but we gotta head out so and so here needs to head to work and I got stop at (insert place) on the way home. Thanks for the good time we should do it again soon”. Exactly it’s not like they were leaving after 15 minutes of being there after eating all the food like you said and just taking off. The even was ended technically and they wanted to get home. I took it as young people just being embarassed by their parents at that age. No matter what you do as parents at those ages it’s embarassing to your kids.

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Victoria May 25, 2017 at 7:11 am

Eh, I don’t think this is too bad. A little awkward, but it’s not like you were leaving an hour BEFORE the party was supposed to end. The hosting family probably didn’t think anything of it.

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Cleosia May 25, 2017 at 7:37 am

I don’t think having plans after a party that was scheduled to end at 7:00 is a breach of etiquette. If it were my party, I wouldn’t have given it a second thought. I do agree it didn’t need to be mentioned but it’s not as if you all came, ate, and then announced after being there a half hour that you were leaving because of other plans.

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Girlie May 25, 2017 at 7:46 am

Could he have been more genteel in his exit? Sure, but honestly, if I was the host of such an event and he said it me (and your family wasn’t cutting out early), I probably would have forgotten by the time I got to my next goodbyes with the next person.
Your family attended the party for its entire duration. There’s nothing wrong with having plans after an event, and I don’t think your dad deserves a straight path to e-hell just because he stated that you did.

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staceyisme May 25, 2017 at 7:58 am

I think that this falls more under the “awkward comment” category than a cringe-worthy party exit. You say that your families were very close and that you had been experiencing such a pleasant time that you “naturally” stayed later than planned. No reasonable host is going to be upset to learn that you had evening plans after an event that ends at 7pm!

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DianeRN May 25, 2017 at 8:47 am

I don’t see a problem. The BBQ was supposed to end at 7:00, this was an hour to an hour and half later.

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Shalamar May 25, 2017 at 9:03 am

Am I the only one who doesn’t think that the father did anything wrong? OP and her family had already stayed past the time that the party was supposed to end, so having additional plans for the rest of the evening would be by no means unheard of. It’s not like Dad said “My daughters are dying to get out of here so that they can go **** their boyfriends.”

Honestly, when OP mentioned that the hosts were taking family photos, and then she said that her father committed a breach of etiquette, I thought she was going to say that her father said “Photos? Great! Where do you want us to stand?” 🙂

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ColoradoCloudy May 25, 2017 at 10:25 am

Now that made me laugh right out loud!

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staceyisme May 25, 2017 at 2:13 pm

Indeed, now THAT would have been a cringe-worthy exit! I suppose that the OP has, in some measure, the self-consciousness that comes with youth. She might be remembering the event from a distance of some years, but how she felt about it at the time is still colored (in my opinion) by her perception of her dad as brusque and occasionally inappropriate. This phase does pass but (apparently) some its more anxiety inducing moments stay firmly in the “awful” camp (even if they were, objectively, not that awful).

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Christina May 25, 2017 at 9:27 am

My mother did the same thing to my husband and I, and I, too, was mortified! We were at a wedding of a friend that I grew up with, since my mother babysat him for many years. We were close as children, but drifted apart many year prior to his wedding. Before we had received the invite, we bought tickets to a concert that fell on the same day. I wouldn’t dream of skipping the wedding, so we decided just to duck out of the reception early, which was going to be easy. It wasn’t too early, we didn’t miss anything important. Then, as we were saying our goodbyes, my mother calls the groom over and announces to him, the bride, and his mother, that we have a concert to get to. I was beside myself. I was left explaining how it was so long ago we bought the tickets and we were so sorry. Why my mother felt the need to give an explanation on our behalf while we were standing there is beyond me. Our reason for leaving didn’t need to be mentioned at all. And we could have managed saying goodbye on our own, too!

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TracyX May 25, 2017 at 12:20 pm

See, that is embarrassing and was rude of your mother. The OP’s situation wasn’t.

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staceyisme May 25, 2017 at 2:25 pm

This is kind of in a different category in that your mother appears to have gone out of her way to embarrass you (perhaps because she felt embarrassed at the choice you made to RSVP “yes” and leave before the end of the wedding?). She had no business trying to either “help” you or shame you. Perhaps you’ll have to keep your personal calendar to yourselves from now on. That way you don’t have any more “oops!” moments with her.
I have to admit that I don’t understand why some there is such a short-sighted perspective in relationships sometimes, whether parent-child, spouse or friend. If someone abuses your trust by behaving indiscreetly or abusively, what do they THINK is going to happen? Most people will spend very little time around such people, or none at all. Some will then wonder why they aren’t first on the list of people to socialize with or privy to family discussions of any kind. But a little consideration and careful observation of personal boundaries could have prevented most of these instances of alienated affection. Such offenses are only compounded when there is a refusal to acknowledge the matter or to apologize and make amends.

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staceyisme May 25, 2017 at 2:26 pm

sorry, apparently sprinkling random instances of “some” throughout the reply was my version of trying to communicate today…..

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lkb May 25, 2017 at 4:45 pm

I guess I don’t see the issue, unless it was the case of the stereotypical “old biddy” (I’m thinking like Mrs. Kravitz from Bewitched) calling across the room, over the music etc., “Yooohoooo! Mr. Newlywed!!!! We’re leaving now to go see Frank Sinatra!!!! We got front row seats!!!!”

Maybe your mother just wanted to be sure you got a chance to see the groom one last time?

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Harry May 25, 2017 at 9:45 am

I love my husband with all my heart. He is my Prince Charming. But he has no filter. Or rather the one he does have is very flimsy. I can sympathize with the OP, but I have to believe that the hosts, or anyone on the receiving end of a filter-less exchange, assuming it’s not grossly horrible, gets past it rather quickly. My BFF is aware of my dilemma and always assures me not to worry, ‘that’s just Bob, and we still love him’.

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EllenS May 25, 2017 at 9:51 am

Why on earth do you think this was so rude and tacky?
You hadn’t double-booked. You weren’t ducking out early for a “better offer.” Indeed, you stayed almost twice as long as you were invited for.
I can understand a teenager being embarrassed about Dad giving TMI or saying “har har” about her boyfriend, but saying “Thanks so much, we have to get going. We have to be somewhere,” is hardly insulting to your hostess. It’s a very standard way to take your leave, especially when the end-time of a party has gone blurry.
Good manners don’t require being overly precious. If you were invited for lunch, there’s nothing wrong with making other plans for dinner, and if you were invited from 5-7 there’s nothing wrong with having other plans later in the evening.

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Ellie May 25, 2017 at 10:09 am

I’m with you. I can barely see what would be wrong with this, much less why the LW is so *horrified* about this non-issue.

They came to the party, stayed as long as they were supposed to, and then their dad committed the horrible sin of…mentioning their evening plans?

I mean, unless someone else was mid-sentence when dad blurted out, “We’re leaving now! My daughters want to go make out with their boyfriends!” That would be understandably mortifying.

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DGS May 25, 2017 at 10:12 am

Eh, not too bad. Dad was awkward and over-shared, but it wasn’t cringe-worthy.

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JD May 25, 2017 at 10:18 am

I might have been embarrassed if my dad had said it, but I’ll bet the host family was okay. I might have felt it sounded as if he had been subtly saying “They had a better evening planned and they’d like to get to it now, this has gone on too long already,” but since the event was truly past its posted ending time, people were leaving and everyone was good friends, I doubt the hosts took it that way.
Just something to look back on, OP, and say, “Well, that’s my dad!”

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Queen of Putrescence May 25, 2017 at 11:11 am

I don’t think he really said anything wrong. You left at the end of the stated time of the party, you didn’t double book your plans. Honestly, I don’t think he really committed an error of etiquette. I have a feeling the only one that even remembers his comments is the OP. I’m sure that the hosts don’t even recall how you left the party.

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eddie May 25, 2017 at 11:15 am

I think OP is too hard on her father. The first sentence about him being “substantially lacking in social graces” is super harsh, especially if this teeny foot-in-mouth example is representative. Give the guy a break and stop looking for things to be embarrassed by.

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Ty May 25, 2017 at 3:33 pm

You took the words right out of my mouth. I found the OP’s description of her father and her horrified over-the-top reaction far more appalling than anything the father did in this story.

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kingsrings May 25, 2017 at 12:12 pm

I also agree that this wasn’t a blunder. It was well after the party ended, so no faux pas. In the past, I’ve been friends with many people who thought nothing of ducking out early from a social event because they’d double-booked and telling everyone about it! “I’ve got to leave now, have plans to go to such-and-such with so-and-so”. In fact I think I still know a few people now who are like that! Ah, the crassness…….

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Kay_L May 25, 2017 at 12:33 pm

Honestly, I think Dad was more rude to his daughters than he was to their hosts. It’s TMI.

It was probably ok when the girls were little “Well, we need to be going, it’s the girl’s bedtime.”

But, these girls are much too old for Dad to be treating the details of their lives as incidental information he can hand out to take his leave.

He needs to make the transition to seeing them as an extension of himself to seeing them as people who have private lives of their own that are not other peoples’ business.

My dad was the opposite of this. He would never had brought up something about my personal life to someone else. And he always exercised an almost extreme respect for me as an independent person nearly all my life.

By example, he told me about the first time he met my FIL. We were all at the In-laws’ home and my FIL was giving my dad the grand tour.

DH’s sister still lived in a basement bedroom (she was 14) and my FIL did not bother knocking on the door before entering. He even made a comment about not caring if it inconvenienced his daughter. My father was mortified! He was immediately worried that this could turn into some kind of embarrassing situation.

It colored my father’s view of my FIL forever, that he would show so little respect for his teenaged daughter.

I don’t the Father’s behavior in this post was quite that bad, but I feel it’s just indicative of how he sees his girls.

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EllenS May 25, 2017 at 2:33 pm

But how is having a date private? If these girls had been close for years – close enough to be invited to a nearly all-family party, I’m sure they were aware that these gals had boyfriends. They may even have met them.

The whole tone of the letter is confusingly over-wrought.

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DancerDiva May 30, 2017 at 10:47 pm

Maybe it’s not “private” per se, but there was no need for Dad to mention this. They weren’t leaving early. While I think the OP is mostly embarrassed at Dad making an awkward comment, he could’ve just said congrats and goodbye.

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Lisa Juley May 25, 2017 at 12:38 pm

I fail to see the big deal. Unless he added “… and my daughters are really anxious to go parking so we really have to get out of here,” then I don’t see the problem.

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Semperviren May 25, 2017 at 12:48 pm

While it was a bit TMI (a general ” we have plans for the evening” would have been sufficient) I am not seeing the glaring, mortifying faux pas here.

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Ajay May 29, 2017 at 8:39 pm

Oh my, is parking still a thing?

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Miss-E May 25, 2017 at 12:56 pm

I’m glad to see everyone else on this thread is as nonplussed as I was after reading this story. I suppose you could say the comment was a little awkward but the total horror the OP felt seems unwarranted (as is the fact that this has apparently plagued her for seven years).

My husband is throwing me a graduation party this Saturday, it’s a big luncheon from 12-3 and I assure you if someone tells me they have plans for later that afternoon or evening I will not be offended in the slightest.

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Amanda H. May 25, 2017 at 8:23 pm

Agreed.

I’d even go so far to say that I wouldn’t be upset if I had guests at a high school graduation who couldn’t even stay the whole time, due to the specific nature of graduation parties and the often-tricky timing of them. I know when I was graduating, and again with my siblings, that we’d do our best to stagger parties with our friends but sometimes there’d be overlap for parents of guests, and so at any of our parties there’d be guests who’d duck out partway through to make an appearance at another graduation shindig. The best my parents could do personally was make sure none of our parties overlapped with our close friends’, so that we could at least make it to each other’s parties.

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Anonymous May 25, 2017 at 3:06 pm

Another thing–why are so many people reading “the girls have plans with their boyfriends” as “the girls are planning to make out with their boyfriends?” If someone told me that, I’d imagine……a regular date scenario, like, a movie or something.

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Shalamar May 25, 2017 at 4:43 pm

Here’s a story for you. Tell me if you think I committed a breach of etiquette.

My then-boyfriend and I had planned to go see a movie after having dinner with his parents. At that time, I loved getting a big tub of popcorn at the movies, and I didn’t want to eat too much dinner so that I’d have room. So, I asked for a small helping. After I’d eaten it, Boyfriend’s mother asked if I’d like seconds. I said “No, thank you – I’m saving room for popcorn at the movies.” She was LIVID. She stomped out of the dining room and started doing dishes, in that “throwing dishes around and making as much noise as possible” way. Boyfriend later told me that she was insulted that I would “rather eat popcorn than the food (she) had prepared”.

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Heather May 26, 2017 at 7:14 am

Yes, Shalamar, you were wrong. Your boyfriend’s mother had taken the time to prepare a nice dinner. Either you should have simply foregone popcorn that one time… or simply not said why you didn’t want a second helping. Your remark was careless of her feelings. But you were young.

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staceyisme May 26, 2017 at 8:41 am

MIL’s reaction was overdone, however. (Isn’t it rude to remark on, much less react with hostility to, the food that others do or don’t eat? And how is that going to go over later, if that couple marries and the grandchildren don’t care for something grandma prepared? Not a happy prospect for anyone.)

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Anonymous May 26, 2017 at 9:08 am

I disagree–I don’t think Shalamar did anything wrong. She wasn’t saying that she’d rather eat popcorn than her boyfriend’s mother’s cooking; she was saying that she wanted popcorn in ADDITION to her boyfriend’s mother’s cooking, so she was simply adjusting portion sizes so she could have both–for all anyone knows, Shalamar might have also ordered a smaller serving of popcorn at the movies, because she’d had dinner beforehand. If Boyfriend’s Mother knew about the movie date after the dinner, then I think she could reasonably imagine that Shalamar and Boyfriend might be having popcorn. Also, if Shalamar hadn’t said why she didn’t want seconds of dinner, Boyfriend’s Mother might have leapt to the conclusion of “Shalamar doesn’t like my cooking,” when the truth was, “Shalamar likes Boyfriend’s Mother’s cooking, but also wants popcorn.” I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Besides, if Shalamar and her boyfriend were serious (and this wasn’t her first time meeting his parents), then there would have been a good chance that Shalamar might have become a regular fixture around Boyfriend’s household, so I think there’s something to be said for being real. So, in my mind, “I’m saving room for popcorn at the movies” is a perfectly reasonable thing to say.

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Reaver May 26, 2017 at 11:57 am

I don’t see how she’s rude, she didn’t go “I don’t want anymore of your SLOP! I want POPCOOORN” She said “No thank you” and had already eaten a portion of the food she was comfortable with, the Mother however sounds VERY RUDE for throwing a tantrum.

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DancerDiva May 30, 2017 at 10:51 pm

Although Shalamar probably should’ve just said she wasn’t really that hungry, I don’t think this is awful. Perhaps my opinion is colored by a number of overwrought mothers writing in to Carolyn Hax over the last week, but….my goodness! Slamming plates around…passive aggressive much? Unless it was a special occasion, the mom really shouldn’t have taken this so badly. It’s dinner…sometimes I like to eat a little dinner to go with my dessert. I hope someone wouldn’t be angry that I didn’t have seconds. It’s not like Shalamar refused to eat the food.

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Girlie May 26, 2017 at 9:56 am

Perhaps your wording could have been more polite, but her behavior was far worse than yours, in my opinion.
I don’t like it when children “show out,” so you can bet your bottom dollar that I highly disapprove when adults do.

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Dee May 26, 2017 at 9:59 am

You were wrong, Shalamar, but not so much that you deserved to witness a tantrum. You should have kept your reasons for eating less to yourself. It would be difficult to hear what you said without being at least mildly insulted. But for the mother to behave like she did suggests she doesn’t allow much (if any) room for minor foibles. I think the biggest issue here is that you were invited to dinner, you accepted, but planned to not eat much when there. The mother planned a dinner for you, probably taking great care with the meal, only to realize you had set more importance on the after-dinner popcorn than in the dinner. You should have made the date with boyfriend’s parents your main focus, possibly to the exclusion of popcorn later, and the mother should have focussed on making her guest feel as comfortable as possible. You both tripped up but your indiscretion was not as heinous as hers.

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DancerDiva May 30, 2017 at 10:54 pm

Where in Shalamar’s comment does it say the mother planned dinner for HER? Or for that matter that she took great care with the meal? Those details are not there, so we shouldn’t assume that’s the case. It says she had dinner with her bf’s family. It may have just been a regular dinner that wasn’t specifically for her. I agree that she should’ve kept her reason for eating a small helping to herself but mom did indeed throw a tantrum, which was over the top.

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AM May 26, 2017 at 12:21 pm

No. You weren’t wrong. Mom was over-reacting. You had food. You declined some because you were going to be eating food later on in the evening. No one is obligated to have a second helping regardless of their reasons (on a diet, eating later, etc., etc.) Mom sounds like a drama queen.

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Cat May 27, 2017 at 10:51 am

You did not do anything terrible. With people as sensitive as this mother, I have learned to say, “Oh, please don’t tempt me! It’s so good that I’ll make a real pig of myself.” The problem does not lie with you, but with her hyper-sensitivity in which she easily takes offense.

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David May 25, 2017 at 4:57 pm

I cringed when I read this because my father would often use wording that implied ‘I’d like to stay longer but (insert wife or child’s name) is making it so I have to leave. It’s all their fault.’

OP, you are fine – this is all on your dad.

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Lisastitch May 25, 2017 at 6:15 pm

I really don’t see a problem. You weren’t leaving half an hour after getting there–you had been there for longer than the stated party time. If an event is scheduled to end at 7, there is certainly enough time left in the evening to plan something else.
We used to start our Oktoberfest in the late afternoon, going on into the evening, for just that reason–people could come at the start of the party and still be able to do something else that evening, or they could do something in the afternoon and come to the party in the evening. (As we got older, the start time moved later because nobody had the energy to do two events.)

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Ree May 25, 2017 at 8:11 pm

Yeah, I’m not seeing it. Maybe this is more of a young person thinking, “God Dad, you’re always embarrassing me!!!!”? Was either sister dating an ex of the graduate and looking to keep it on the down low? I’m confused as to why this is so mortifying.

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Klara May 26, 2017 at 6:56 am

Well it could also depend on one’s personality or how they were brought up. I would agree that this not a major faux pas, but I can see why the OP would see it as such. As someone, myself, who places others’ feelings as a top priority and whom has anxiety and a tendency to overthink scenarios, they have been many times I have said something light-hearted in passing, and then promptly thought of some other connection, which oh no, what if my light-hearted comment implied X, had I just offended so-and-so? For me it’s mostly a side effect of my anxiety coupled with my strong sense of empathy, but I wouldn’t say it’s an age thing.

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Bea May 25, 2017 at 8:33 pm

This would have been bad if you were leaving early or just dropping by but at the end of the evening, after the official “end” time, no big deal at all.

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Rebecca May 26, 2017 at 12:56 am

Maybe a little embarrassing, but not really something to be mortified over forever. The party was supposed to end at 7; I doubt the hosts expected you to go home at 7 and be obligated to sit at home doing nothing the rest of the evening.

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Lula May 26, 2017 at 8:23 am

Count me as yet another who doesn’t understand what’s cringeworthy here. If you’re “mortified” about having plans with your boyfriend, you’re probably too young to be dating.

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renfield1969 May 26, 2017 at 9:37 am

Yeah, I don’t see that the Dad did anything wrong here, unless there are details that he shared with the hosts that the OP didn’t share with us.

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Reaver May 26, 2017 at 11:58 am

I kinda hear it as “They got plans with the BOYFRIENDS” -WINK WINK NUDGE NUDGE- eh? EH? 😉

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jokergirl129 May 26, 2017 at 8:58 pm

I can see why OP and her sister would be really embarrassed if they thought anyone at the party would get that idea. But even if OP and her sister didn’t get that they probably just wanted to leave quietly without their dad announcing they had plans later that evening even if that itself wasn’t so bad.

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sillyme May 26, 2017 at 12:10 pm

Give your ole Dad a break. I’m with the folks who say no blunder on this one.

The invitation stated a clear, unambiguous ending time. That’s implied permission to make other plans after the event (although it’s more intended to tell people when to go home).
You stayed for the duration of the event.
A blunder would have been cutting out early.
Your Dad may have meant it as in “We had such a wonderful time, we’d stay even longer. We’re only leaving because the girls have plans, not because we want to go.” It may have been taken as an apology for leaving, not as a slight.
You were young, social active women. Every parent in the world knows (but may not admit) that whenever possible you are going to make dates on a free night after an event that officially ends early in the evening.

If this is all you’ve got on your Dad for Ehell, you are a tremendously blessed woman.

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TakohamoOlsen2 May 26, 2017 at 6:39 pm

My father, being Oxford-educated even has these blunders. He’s 99 now, so I can give him a pass.
OP, your dad did nothing wrong……he was just being a….male…!

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Reaver May 27, 2017 at 11:34 am

“Being a Male” Is literally never a pass for anything ever.

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Cat May 27, 2017 at 10:57 am

Parents can have a real knack for embarrassing their daughters. When I was fourteen, I met some adult cousins I had never before seen. I was wearing a dress which had a liner that ended far above my knees and the hem of the dress.
We were having a nice conversation when my mother butted in to demand, “Go change your clothes. Your underwear is showing!” It was obvious that the liner was not my underwear even though you could see where it ended under my dress. I never asked her why she decided to blurt out something that was certainly not true.
I excused myself, got up and left the room.

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Clara Fargo May 27, 2017 at 1:16 pm

Like the others I don’t see a problem-
unless the graduate just broke up with her significant other. Since the story didn’t mention that the daughter’s might be judging their father unfairly.

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Miss-E May 29, 2017 at 11:52 am

Even that seems like a stretch. Yeah it sucks when someone goes through a break-up but that doesn’t mean that everyone around them must refrain from mentioning their SOs lest it remind the dumpee that they are now single. I mean, don’t show up with your SO and make out with them in front of your recently dumped friend but beyond that it’s a lot to ask

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JxB May 30, 2017 at 10:34 am

I share the views with others, I don’t see the problem – or at least not enough of one to discuss. Moreover, I’m surprised this warranted space as a featured discussion item. I guess every site has a slow day.

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SJ June 2, 2017 at 12:49 pm

It wasn’t very polite of him to say, but it’s not a big deal. Yes, I also would rather my father say, “We’re going to head out, thanks for having us!”

I understand that the OP didn’t want to give the hosts the impression that she had somewhere “better” to be, but it probably seemed like a bigger deal to her than to anyone else.

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littlebosammy June 2, 2017 at 8:03 pm

Dad was a bit clumsy with the exit, but no harm done. Parents do tend to embarrass their kids, but we really don’t mean to, sometimes it just happens. We parents tend to lose our filters sometimes, not that’s an excuse but it happens

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NicoleK June 7, 2017 at 8:47 am

I wouldn’t worry too much, a little blunt but not horrifying. Especially if the party invite had a specific time, such as 4-7 or something and your plans were at 8 or 9!

Unless you think you were expected to join some sort of after-party.

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Bob June 8, 2017 at 4:01 am

Some people (of which I am one) start to get antsy when the time for something to be over has passed and it’s showing no signs of being over. I start wondering what the actual rules are: Why are we still here? Was I wrong about the time it was supposed to end? When I went to the bathroom two hours ago, did everybody decide to turn this into a sleepover and nobody told me when I came back? That doesn’t seem likely, but here we are. They probably want us to leave and are too polite to say anything. We should have left an hour ago. Now we’ve waited too long and it’s gotten weird. Can we just leave now? Would it be more weird if we left? Would it be *rude* if we left? It would probably be rude if we just left. Which is more rude, leaving or staying when they probably want us to go? *I’d* want us to go if I were them. I don’t want them to think I’m rude. Fortunately, I have a good excuse: *daughters* need to be somewhere! Bye! Thanks for a lovely time!

In short: while everything a dad does will always be humiliating to his daughters, I can sympathize and suspect he probably wasn’t TRYING to be deliberately boorish.

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