Wedding Wednesday – Dye That Red Hair!

by admin on May 24, 2017

We haven’t seen a Bridezilla of this caliber here on EHell in a long time. The bride and her bridesmaids are all brunettes…except one who has ginger colored hair. Normally, for sane people, this would not be a problem but this bridezilla considered her bridesmaid’s natural red hair to be “attention-grabbing” which would “take away from the cohesiveness of the group”. What to do? Why, what any selfish bridezilla thinks she can do….insist that your bridesmaid color her hair to match the others in the wedding party.

 

{ 114 comments… read them below or add one }

lkb May 24, 2017 at 6:26 am

Bridezilla stories are the best. I wish I could sit here with a bowl of popcorn to see how this one plays out. I’m at least watching the skyline for fireworks.

No, absolutely the bridesmaid should not die her hair.

I thought the idea of bridesmaids was to choose your nearest and dearest friends and family. (Silly me.) Instead, this situation reminds me of Greg Brady’s selection as “Johnny Bravo” because he “fit the suit.”

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Mitsouko May 24, 2017 at 4:43 pm

Yes! The Johnny Bravo episode! (I have tried to use that as a simile in conversation, but the people I work with are so young, they never watched the Brady Bunch.)

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Wild Irish Rose May 25, 2017 at 8:39 am

My husband uses it all the time.

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DGS May 24, 2017 at 7:14 am

As a fellow ginger, no. Just no. No, btw, is a complete sentence. You want me to dye my hair to be in your wedding? No. Well, then, I can’t be in your wedding? Ok. What a ridiculous demand.

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Lanes May 24, 2017 at 4:44 pm

Fellow Ginger here too, and hells-no am I dying my hair for a single day event.

My BM’s were blonde, brunette, and a red-head (different red to mine), and it didn’t affect the photos one iota.

Maybe BM should insist that if Bride dislikes the difference so much, they all dye their hair red for the occasion.

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Wild Irish Rose May 25, 2017 at 8:39 am

Or take all black and white photos.

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Lanes May 25, 2017 at 3:43 pm

I sort of meant it tongue-in-cheek to point out to the Bride how ridiculous she’s being.

Though, we did take some B&W shots for my wedding, and the differing hair colours showed up – and made a beautiful shading composition. 🙂

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Amanda H. May 25, 2017 at 8:39 pm

My full-family wedding photo (since we didn’t have bridesmaids and groomsmen) has one frowning uncle (he rarely smiles in photos), one grandmother in a bright floral dress when everyone else was in muted blues and similar, and one brother with flame-yellow hair. Hubby and I don’t care one iota. It’s amusing, at worst. It makes our photos unique and gives us something amusing to share.

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Gizmo May 25, 2017 at 5:53 am

I have never dyed my red hair in my life, and don’t plan on it… especially for someone else’s wedding! O.o

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Minion May 27, 2017 at 2:24 pm

Brunette here, not dyeing, heat styling or backcombing or otherwise damaging my hair for someone else’s vision.

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hopefull4 May 24, 2017 at 7:27 am

Although the bridzilla is ‘close friend’ his really tells the bridesmaid where she ranks in bridezilla’s life. Hair color is more important than the friendship? I think that friendship may be over. Good luck to the groom, he will need it.

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Darshiva May 24, 2017 at 10:58 pm

Why do so many men go through with the weddings, when the bridezillas unleash themselves? I get that they may be suckered into it, beforehand, believing that the beautiful woman they love is worthy and wonderful, but once they start displaying their true colors, why do they go all the way to and through the wedding?

What is that old quote about believing people when they show you who they really are?

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hopefull4 May 25, 2017 at 7:11 am

Although I have heard it contributed to Oprah, it was Maya Angelou:

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”

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Amanda H. May 25, 2017 at 8:40 pm

On the other hand, they could be hoping that it’s merely temporary insanity. Or the bride manages to keep it out of the groom’s sight, and no one else is willing to enlighten him.

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Mojo May 24, 2017 at 7:27 am

It was quite funny watching my friend ‘um’ and ‘ahh’, as she tried to ask me to lose weight for her wedding. She didn’t want a fat bridesmaid, but couldn’t find a polite way to phrase it. In the end the groom to me to one side and asked me on her behalf.

No. Demanding someone change their body shape or hair colour to fit what is essentially your party scheme is a step too far.

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Fally May 24, 2017 at 11:43 am

You mean your “friend?” Or your former friend?

That’s so ridiculous. Did the friendship survive?

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lakey May 24, 2017 at 12:20 pm

Well, sounds like bride and groom are a good match. They’re both shallow.

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Darshiva May 24, 2017 at 11:01 pm

Dieting damages bodies and minds, and the weight loss is only permanent in a tiny (less than 5%!) bit of the human population. Dieting, in fact, is the primary indicator of future weight gain. More and more scientists are coming out as saying that it simply does not work, and it does waaaayyy more harm than good.

So,she is actively sabotaging your health and future by requesting (demanding?) that you lose weight for her big day.

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Lena May 24, 2017 at 7:37 am

Ok. So this is obviously insane. But let’s pretend for a minute that it isn’t. The bride pays for the professional colour job, but does she then pay the additional costs for a colour correction? Which may mean several more visits to the salon and possibly years of this Ginger lady growing back her natural hair colour, depending on the length of her hair. Even chin length hair would take about three years.

So, yeah, perfectly reasonable to ask someone to change their hair colour for one day at the the cost of thousands of dollars/pounds and years of treatment to get it back to its natural, gorgeous state.

Perhaps they should all get their lips plumped up because one of the bridesmaids has a beautiful, plump set of lips that will distract everyone, or what about Mary’s nice bottom or Jennifer’s perfect eyebrows? Eyebrow tattoos all around? Sheesh.

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Kay_L May 24, 2017 at 1:08 pm

Seems like it would be easier to just hire the wedding party from central casting.

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Darshiva May 24, 2017 at 11:02 pm

I believe there are probably bridezillas who do precisely that.

I’d rather have no bridal party at all than a bunch of people selected solely for their looks.

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Wild Irish Rose May 25, 2017 at 8:41 am

I once read a Dear Abby letter from a professional photographer who said that one couple had actually hired people from their health club to be their wedding attendants so that they would have nothing but pretty people in the pictures. This was a long time ago, but I’d be willing to bet that that couple is no longer married.

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Miss-E May 25, 2017 at 1:00 pm

I thought the goal was to have ugly bridesmaids so the bride looks better?

Not advocating that AT ALL, I’m only saying I’m always thrown when people want their bridesmaids to diet or get professional make-up to look perfect. Wouldn’t someone with that level of vanity want everyone to look like trolls so they stand out as a shining beacon of beauty?

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Lanes May 25, 2017 at 3:45 pm

I had a professional hair & makeup artist for myself, my BM’s, my sisters and my mother (all to differing degrees due to age appropriateness and personal style of course!) – because, I wanted the women in my life to feel as special and beautiful as I did on my wedding day.

It’s not always about wanting to ‘stand out’; sometimes you just want others to ‘join in’.

Wild Irish Rose May 26, 2017 at 9:30 am

I never thought of that! But then, I wasn’t overly picky about my bridesmaids’ appearance, either. Take a shower, fix your hair, put a little makeup on (optional), wear the dress we agreed on, go. I was more concerned about having people I loved and cared about stand up with me.

Dee May 24, 2017 at 1:11 pm

If it is a permanent colour applied to the hair then the hair becomes damaged. You cannot remove the permanent colour (because it’s … permanent …) so to “return” it back to its original colour you’d have to apply another permanent colour on top. That’s another round of damage. You cannot remove a permanent colour without lighteners (hair bleach); that is a process far more damaging than permanent colouring. Also, it will remove some of the original colour, too, leaving possibly an orange-y mess. Which would require another permanent colour on top to allow the client to be able go without a paper bag on her head for the next few months/years. At that point she probably would just opt to shave off the frizzy straw anyway.

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Darshiva May 24, 2017 at 11:05 pm

Even temporary hair color can be quite unpredictable and damaging.

If you’re going to change your hair color temporarily, your best bet is a wig. And if that does not fit well, it looks ridiculous.

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Aliciaspinnet May 25, 2017 at 12:29 am

Technically there are non bleach colour removers for permanent colour available, which do less damage. However permanent hair dye contains peroxide (even for darker colours) and even when you strip out the artificial colour you cannot undo the lightening that the peroxide has caused. So essentially, yes, your hair will not be the same again (at least until you grow out your natural colour).

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Dee May 25, 2017 at 2:25 pm

You can’t strip out the permanent colour without stripping your own colour, too, and any stripper will be damaging to the hair shaft, as it has to penetrate it to remove the colour that was placed there in the first place (either by nature or by chemicals). There is no way to return your hair back to its original colour; you simply remove as much dark colour as possible, if necessary, and add your natural colour on top, as a new colour job. Semi permanent colours penetrate partway into the hair shaft so they do mostly wash out, but to penetrate they do need to do some damage, too. Not as much as the permanent colours but still … If your natural hair is lighter in colour darker shades of semi-permanent colour may remain, even after many washings. About the only safe way to go is to use a rinse, which may not cover bright or darker coloured hair. As well, since it only sits on top of the hair shaft, it generally looks dull and unnatural, and will drip off hair damp with perspiration. If the red hair is a lighter red a temporary colour could permanently stain it – unlikely, but still a risk.

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Lara May 24, 2017 at 7:38 am

At least she offered to pay for it… some brides have enough effrontery they would have undoubtedly insist the bridesmaid herself pay.

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crebj May 24, 2017 at 7:43 am

“No, I’m afraid that’s not possible. I’ll step down from Bridesmaid. I hope I may still be a Guest. Do let me know.” And stick to it. If she rethinks and says “Okay, you can still be in the club,” I predict that she’ll hold on to it: make catty remarks, try to move you in photos, and never fail to mention that it was the only fly in her wedding ointment. Get out of the tornado’s path now.

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Darshiva May 24, 2017 at 11:04 pm

Agreed, crebj. That is the sort of mistake that you just don’t come back from easily. Bridesmaid should step down from the bridal party, permanently, and either be a guest, or not attend the wedding. If bride relents, say, “I’m glad, but I’m happy just being a guest.” She’ll save her sanity and her pocketbook.

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crebj May 24, 2017 at 7:46 am

And yes, I know this is a post from days gone by. The caffeine has not yet kicked in. Delete if you like.

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VioletLynn May 24, 2017 at 7:47 am

Standard polite spine reply applies here: “I’m sorry, that isn’t possible.” If it’s a deal-breaker for the bride, the maid is better off learning now that the bride values appearances over relationships, and realizing she is dodging what may be a loooong, uncomfortable wedding prep season.

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Lackwit May 24, 2017 at 7:49 am

Jeez, what if she had been a different ethnicity from the rest of the bridal party? Would the bride ask her to submit to a makeup race-lift? Ridiculous.

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Gena May 24, 2017 at 8:15 am

I don’t understand why the bridesmaid didn’t just drop out of the wedding. I would have to tell my “friend”, no! Most of these stories are less about bridezillas and more about friends and family with no spine.

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flora May 24, 2017 at 8:39 am

Wow, that’s pretty unreasonable. While I’m not a red head, I have very long hair. Hair that has not been dyed, cut, even had hairspray or gel used since 2008. I would not cut or dye my hair at the insistence of any bride. I’d sooner step down.

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Ripple May 24, 2017 at 8:48 am

The bridezilla is definitely out of line. The bridesmaid should suggest a brunette wig instead (still paid for by the bride). That way, if the bridesmaid ever has another occasion where she wants to be a brunette, such as a Halloween party, she’ll be ready.

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Last Dance May 24, 2017 at 3:05 pm

I remember a Dear Prudence letter in which the letter writer did use a wig instead of re-dying her hair a more natural color as the bride (either her sister or sister in law) requested.

When she took the wig off while helping clean up the venue, long after the photos were done, the bride threw a fit. She claimed the Letter Writer had “ruined the pictures” because now she’d always think of the real, colorfully-dyed hair underneath.

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Darshiva May 24, 2017 at 11:08 pm

Did the bride really think she would forget her sister (or sister in law’s) regular hair color, for the rest of her life, in relation to just those pictures? I mean, really, did she expect sis to wear a wig for the next month? Year? Decade? Just so that she doesn’t ruin the pictures by reminding her of the truth AFTER THE FACT?!

OK, that is actually worse than the hair dye bridezilla, and that is saying a lot.

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Michelle May 24, 2017 at 9:19 am

Wow. Seriously? That is completely unreasonable. I’d tell Bridezilla no, I’m not dying my hair, feel free to replace me.

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Emmylouharrisfan May 24, 2017 at 9:20 am

I feel like this is a completely unreasonable request! I was a bridesmaid in a wedding where the Bride offered/strongly suggested to dye my hair (her treat), because I’m going gray she wanted me to look more “polished”. I found this quite insulting: not dying my hair is a choice I made a long time ago (I started going gray at 19 years old), I take pride in my appearance and I’ve learned to love my silver streaks :-). When I declined she didn’t bring it up again (thank goodness) but I hurt that she even asked 🙁

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NostalgicGal May 24, 2017 at 9:21 am

Peasy easy, buy a nice WIG. No changing hair color and for one hot day, you are the correct color. As long as the bride buys.

They still make decent wigs. No dye involved. Though I do think this is serious bridezilla fodder, it’s also an easy solution. Or just decline being in the wedding party. Both work.

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Lacey May 24, 2017 at 2:12 pm

Except that they’re hot and uncomfortable, especially in the summer…but I totally agree that this should have been a step before asking the bridesmaid to dye her hair!

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Angie May 24, 2017 at 3:49 pm

This was my first thought, why ask her to dye her hair when she could get a wig if it was THAT important. But honestly, it is silly to think everyone’s hair should be the same color.

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TakohamoOlsen2 May 24, 2017 at 4:10 pm

I absolutely agree. A wig is the way to go.

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Vic May 24, 2017 at 4:46 pm

I don’t think a wig is the solution. I feel like hair color is a basic part of a woman’s identity, and I would feel insulted if someone I thought of as a friend expected me to change it or cover it up. It sounds like the bride may be a little jealous of her bridesmaid and is attempting to diminish her attractiveness for the day. Maybe she’s afraid the bridesmaid will outshine her. She needs to grow up. If I was the bridesmaid, I would have said no one time only, and if the bride persisted, I’d drop out of the wedding.

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TakohamoOlsen2 May 25, 2017 at 1:54 am

While I agree with what you are saying as per identity, @Vic, the OP’s bridezilla friend seems to have thrown it out by asking the OP to colour her hair.

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Wild Irish Rose May 25, 2017 at 8:45 am

No wigs. No hair dyes. Just NO. I’m sorry, but no bride has the right to request that a bridesmaid change anything about herself just to be in the wedding. If the bride is that concerned about how the maid’s hair color will make the pictures look, then she should ask someone else to be a bridesmaid. Period.

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Haushinka May 25, 2017 at 1:50 pm

I have to agree. Those who are suggesting a wig; are you kidding me?!? That’s like implying something is wrong with the bridesmaid to begin with, which there’s not. That’s equally insulting as asking for a hairdye.

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Darshiva May 25, 2017 at 5:48 pm

Yep. If the appearance is so vitally important, then ask based on appearance. Don’t ask people you “care” about, and then demand they change their appearance to suit you.

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Amanda H. May 25, 2017 at 8:47 pm

Forget the wig. Bring cute sun hats back in style and make sure all the bridesmaids have them.

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AMC May 24, 2017 at 9:23 am

Friends don’t treat friends like decorative props!

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staceyisme May 24, 2017 at 9:25 am

Some brides (and some Happy Couples) have a wedding ceremony and some stage one. The key difference is that if you have one, you treat your attendants, your guests and your vendors as human beings who can dress themselves, conduct themselves well and fulfill any honors attached to their role without being micromanaged. If you are staging a wedding ceremony, well you are the director of a production starring YOU. In this view, everyone plays a supporting role (somewhat like backup dancers for a pop star or extras on a movie set) and you therefore feel entitled to require things like people dying their hair, guests following a color/ theme of dress (instead of going by degree of formality), and gifts of a certain kind or dollar value to cover the cost of your production. As a guest, I’m happy to attend a wedding that a friend is having. I’d resist participating intimately in an event that’s staged, however.

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Ernie May 24, 2017 at 12:41 pm

What you have said here is a good way to put it. It raises a very interesting question when it comes to the “production” of the wedding… who is this all for? This is not some mainstream media event that needs to appeal to millions of people. Even as a show, it is basically a show for only your friends, family, and well-wishers. If I know Melissa has red hair, and I see her as a brunette at a wedding, I’m just going to be thinking about how odd that is. I get the context of, say, Scarlet Johannsen changing her hair color for a big movie, that makes sense. Its a stylistic change for the sake of art or whatever. Changing the color of a bridesmaid’s hair is just… strange.

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TakohamoOlsen2 May 25, 2017 at 1:59 am

Yes Ernie, but Scarlett Johanssen would probably have one of the those new fangled spray-in-wash-out ‘Hollywood style’ hair colourist’s secret blend. So often we’ve seen stars with one colour hair one week, the next something different. A movie role and a wedding are two different things…..well…..that’s debatable….

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Dee May 24, 2017 at 1:26 pm

You are so right, staceyisme. I blame the trend to exclude children from weddings – if kids never see an ordinary wedding ceremony in their life, when they get to marrying age they will take their cue from the only sources they know – the wedding industry and celebrities. If we don’t allow something to be normalized then it becomes vulnerable to fantasy and legend. Well, and greed, too.

Ginger Bridesmaid should give the bridezilla a great big kiss for the gift she’s given her. She’s saved her years of heartache and frustration by showing just how shallow and mean she is to her “friends”. The true nature of the other girls can be gauged by how they react to this ostracization of one of their own. The choice is: Throw away this gift and endure a future of more nonsense or listen to what the bridezilla (and the other girls?) is saying – that she’s not a friend and others are nothing more than a prop to her – or get some real friends to laugh with, support and depend on when the going gets tough? Hmmmm … tough choice …

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Anon May 24, 2017 at 9:03 pm

Oh wow, that is quite the leap in logic.

You do realize that kids can learn things without having to witness things all of the time? I mean I would assume most of them also ask for advice from their parents.

What if the only weddings they are taken too ARE ones with bridezillas? Yeah sure, the parents could say not to act like that, but with your logic, they aren’t willing to listen to their parents and would only take cues from the wedding industry and celebrities.

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Ull May 25, 2017 at 6:34 am

But telling is never quite same as seeing.

Of course it’s not to say that everybody who has never been to wedding will be bridezilla. Or that those who have been will not be bridezillas. But seriously, it is super easy to get totally incorrect ideas of “normality” in one’s head when you are bombarded by the incorrect imaginary since you’ve been small and never really seen any other options.

I mean, I’ve met people who worry about muscles near their joints “bulging” out (=being perfectly normal for all people of any size) because most they’ve ever seen are photoshopped pictures of models where every bump is smoothed to unnatural extent. But that’s their normal. And they look at themselves and they look at the most beautiful women on the earth and see that there are bumps in their legs and they are worried, insecure and horrified. Because they think the “photoshopped” is the normal.

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Dee May 25, 2017 at 2:44 pm

“Bridezilla” is a new term, not one I grew up with. There was no such animal until maybe starting 25 years ago, about the same time as it became fashionable to have splashy, unaffordable weddings and to divide guest lists to accommodate the Broadway show. We certainly heard of fancy weddings when I was growing up but we never saw them – and we saw a lot! – so we always understood that those weddings would never be ours. A kid wouldn’t see a bridezilla because being a bridezilla wouldn’t get the bride anywhere, other than a complete loss of friends and family.

But we certainly learned what we saw, which was normalcy – a simple wedding dress, often not in white, made by the moms (along with the bridesmaid dresses) or borrowed from others, cold buffet previously prepared by the women of the family (including the bride) and served by the ladies of the church or the legion, a cake made by a family member or a cheap one from the bakery, no bar, and so on. Maybe a bridal shower, maybe not, no bachelorette, no rehearsal dinner, maybe a honeymoon consisting of a short driving trip to a nearby tourist stop, no registry, gifts of blankets, everyday dishes, cheap bath towels, and that’s that. Can you imagine any modern bride thinking this was a grand affair? But brides thought themselves lucky to have it and everyone was invited, 200 people or more usually, and had a ball.

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Darshiva May 28, 2017 at 8:36 pm

That sounds lovely, to me.

Anon May 29, 2017 at 3:30 pm

I guess I still don’t get it. I went to weddings as a kid. But I wouldn’t think that this is normal behavior BECAUSE I went to weddings as a kid. I wouldn’t think it’s normal because it’s not normal in ANY situation whatsoever!

Why would it somehow be acceptable at a wedding as compared to everywhere else? If you’re throwing a tantrum at a wedding or a restaurant it’s the exact same thing. I bet it has less to do with “child-free weddings” and more to do with “how one was raised period”.

Miss-E May 25, 2017 at 1:06 pm

I’m with Anon – this is quite the leap to make. So all these crazy entitled bridezillas are the way they are because they didn’t go to weddings as kids? That would mean that you’re blaming a trend that started 20-30 years ago…

Also, in the last 5 years I’ve been to 18 weddings and not one of them excluded children.

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Rod May 24, 2017 at 1:47 pm

I never thought about it that way. That’s actually pretty sharp – and yes, I’ve been invited to some weddings with wacky requests and declined. It wasn’t worth the investment on my part, but never thought about how some people like to “stage” the celebration. Instead of, well, celebrating.

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AppleEye May 24, 2017 at 9:53 pm

I sometimes work for my family’s catering service; we once did a wedding where the couple had asked ALL of their guests to come dressed in the wedding ‘theme colors.’ It ended up looking just bizarre.

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Darshiva May 25, 2017 at 5:53 pm

I thought it was tacky enough for the bride to dictate the colors for the mother of the bride and the mother of the groom, and I remember reading about a mother of the groom saying, “Oh, no! The MOB changed her mind about her dress, and now I have to get a new dress for the wedding, because Bride says I’ll clash! But I already spent my clothing budget on this dress! I can’t afford a new dress in a new color, just because MOB changed her mind. Dear advice columnist, how do I get the MOB to wear her original choice of dress?” The answer, of course, was wear whatever you darned well please, as long as it is socially appropriate to the occasion, and don’t worry about anyone else’s choice of colors. You’re a guest at a wedding, not a cast member in a Broadway production.

That was bad enough. But asking all the guests to wear clothes in the theme colors? You know, a lot of people can barely afford to attend a wedding, at all, let alone buy new clothes. Also, a lot of people have skin tones that make them look awful in certain colors, which is why one color for all the bridesmaids is rarely a good idea, anyway. Choosing colors for the entire guest list? Horrible idea.

The only “colors” stipulations you should give to a wedding guest is “black tie” or “white tie.”

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staceyisme May 24, 2017 at 9:29 am

“dyeing their hair…”, sorry

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Kirsten May 24, 2017 at 10:22 am

I’d say I would consider it if the bride would pay for the first dyeing, and to have it reversed, and for all the conditioning treatments that would be needed afterwards. Or, turn up in a bald skull thing and pretend I’d shaved my head.

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JD May 24, 2017 at 11:01 am

As someone who is not a red-head, but loves red hair, I have to say Noooooooooooo! No one should have to dye his or her hair to be in a wedding!
And here I thought it was bad when I got in trouble for cutting my hair a few weeks before being in a wedding, making me the only bridesmaid without long hair, gasp!

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kingsrings May 24, 2017 at 11:55 am

I’m also a huge fan of ginger hair, so this story makes me gasp in horror – especially given that the bridesmaid is a natural redhead! How dare she be asked to ruin such a beautiful color! People like me pay to color what she has so naturally.

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Wild Irish Rose May 24, 2017 at 11:08 am

No.

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Chez Miriam May 24, 2017 at 11:18 am

Hey, did we forget to suggest this to Outdoor Girl when we were planning her wedding? 😉 ;D

On the upside, from my reading of it, at least she demanded this *before* her bridesmaid had laid out any money, so bridesmaid could back out of the “honour” of being dyed to match the bridal party without being out of pocket…

What’s next: bride wants you to get pierced and/or tattooed to match her?!

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jokergirl129 May 24, 2017 at 11:50 am

There is no way I would ever dye my hair a different color for a wedding. Even with the bride offering to cover the costs it’s something I wouldn’t want to do. I like my natural hair color and I don’t want to dye it a color I might not even like just for a one day event. If that means I can no longer be a bridesmaid then so be it. No one should be made to feel like they have to dye their hair (or make any drastic changes to their appearance) to be part of the wedding party.

I went to the reddit link in the article but it seems like all of the comments were deleted and it looks to be the same for the story itself too. So I can’t read what anyone said or if there had been any updates. I really hope the bridesmaid stood her ground and refused to dye her hair.

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Mmerryns May 24, 2017 at 4:56 pm

Reminds me of the Dear Prudence where the bride asked her sister (who was NOT a bridesmaid) to dye her blue hair something more natural for the wedding. The sister wore a wig instead, which the bride did not even notice until her sister took it off afterwards, and then the bride threw a fit.

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2016/03/dear_prudence_my_sister_asked_me_to_dye_my_hair_for_her_wedding.html

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SarahP May 25, 2017 at 8:34 am

That was exactly the story my mind jumped to first! I experienced first disbelief, then gratitude that such a bridezilla never entered my life.

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jokergirl129 May 26, 2017 at 8:32 pm

Oh I think someone else mention that story in one of the comments above. I tell you that really is ridiculous that the bride would get angry at her sister like that after the sister took the wig off. I mean the bride didn’t even notice that sister was wearing a wig in the first place so in the end she had no right to get upset.

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Aunt4God May 25, 2017 at 12:59 pm

I went to the Reddit thread last year when this first was published. She was grateful that it wasn’t just her that was upset about the request. I forgot to go back to look for what happened after she declined, but she was planning on not doing it. She also sounded very confident and firm in her decision to not do it.

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jokergirl129 May 26, 2017 at 8:34 pm

That’s really good to hear. I’m glad that she wasn’t going to go through with the request and in the end I hope she stuck to it. Thank you for letting me know.

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lakey May 24, 2017 at 12:25 pm

Personally I don’t even like the matchy matchy thing with bridesmaids dresses. There’s a current trend where the bridesmaids are given a color and can pick a style of dress they like so they aren’t exactly the same. I think this trend is great.

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DGS May 25, 2017 at 10:07 am

That is what my DH and I had done for our wedding (almost a decade ago). I asked my bridal party (different heights, weights, races/ethnicities, complexions, hair colors, etc.) to pick out a black cocktail dress of their choosing in whatever style suited them best. They looked absolutely fantastic and gorgeous (carrying white rose bouquets)! Between my gorgeous willowy South Asian bridesmaid (5’11”, size 2, probably, 115 lbs. soaking-wet) and my beautiful petite and curvy Italian-American (5’1″, 180 lbs.) maid of honor to my sister-in-law (blonde, tan, blue-eyed, 5’9″, athletic built), they all looked absolutely radiant and beautiful because they wore what they liked, in styles they found flattering, for a price they felt comfortable paying (a couple wore black cocktail dresses they already owned), and we had a wonderful celebration because it was not about some sort of glorified pageant. It was about celebrating our marriage with our family and friends.

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Aunt4God May 25, 2017 at 1:03 pm

I like the matchy- matchy, but didn’t want my bridesmaids to have to invest in something they wouldn’t want to wear again. I ended up finding a cute summer-dress sewing pattern that would work for the different body styles and still look nice. I found nice, real silk online for a great price and the dress maker was a friend from Church. All-in-all, the dress was $60 total, including material and labor. I know at least two of them also went on to wear it for other events, so I was happy they liked it.

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Darshiva May 25, 2017 at 6:08 pm

My sister in law found a nice cloth and a nice pattern, and sent bundles to all the bridesmaids, saying, “Please use this cloth and make (or have made – but we could all sew, so no biggie) something that looks mostly like this.” We all took the pattern and ran with it, in our own way. I made a top with the cloth, and a lovely green skirt. I don’t remember how the others did it, because I honestly didn’t care what anyone else was wearing. I do know that we all liked the neckline, and kept that, but we all looked different.

The only thing I remember about what anyone else was wearing that day was that my sister in law wound up wearing two bridal gowns – one for the ceremony and one for the reception, both of which were family heirlooms. She got to honor two relatives, by wearing their gowns, and get all warm and fuzzy feelings from that, as well as saving a bundle.

My sister-in-law was her true self at the wedding – kind and considerate and practical, and not at all a bridezilla. The only time she got angry with anyone in connection with the wedding was when my uncle (who was supposed to drive me and my sister and the best man to the wedding venue!) decided that, although he had traveled across the country to be there for the reception, he “wasn’t sure” that he was actually invited to the wedding, so he just didn’t go, and didn’t take us, and we had to scramble for a ride, among strangers in a strange town, with everyone else already gone on without us. Consequently, the best man, and the groom’s two sisters (one of whom was a bridesmaid), both missed the actual wedding ceremony! We made it there, eventually, just as everyone was leaving. Then we joined in the pictures and stuff at the reception. My sister-in-law was pretty angry at my uncle for that, but she told him that he was a fool, and then let it go, because HEY! She’s married! Let’s celebrate! Also, this was the flakey uncle, and we probably should have realized he’d flake, so we sisters were partly to blame, too, for actually depending on him that day. I mean, we’d only known him all our lives. Poor best man only knew what my brother might have told him about our uncle, and was just going where he was instructed, so he’s not to blame.

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Marie May 24, 2017 at 12:31 pm

Whoah! While I think you can ask your bridal party to observe basic hygene (uncle Frank, please use deodorant), you can’t ask someone to alter their body.

You can ask only if it is removable the same night and it is non damaging. For example, you can ask a bridesmaid to paint their nails or to wear the purple eyeshadow you gave them – they can remove it the same night and it will not cause damage to their skin (unless they’re allergic). But still they have the right to say no.

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Darshiva May 25, 2017 at 12:00 am

I like your standard. Very sensible, and yet allows for a visual aesthetic.

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Anon May 24, 2017 at 12:40 pm

I’ve been to several weddings in my life. 95% of them being Catholic which meant we were staring quite a bit at the wedding party for a while.

I don’t remember any of the outfits whatsoever or what any of the bridesmaids looked like. I do not get people’s obsession with this.

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NostalgicGal May 25, 2017 at 3:23 am

Only one was in the mid 70’s when velour and ice blue (think Aqua Velva) was the “HOT” fabric and the “HOT” color. Winter wedding, four attendants, home sewn dresses (assembly line in my aunt’s kitchen, I got drafted to pick out basting thread afterwards). The velour was a shiny and slick stuff so it had to be basted before sewing… and as they were lining up to walk the aisle, it was discovered one girl had their A-line floor length dress, had one panel upside down. Out of all four dresses. It showed. Badly. Everyone was petting/patting/stroking this dress panel (side to rear on right) to get the nap to lie the other direction. Else that one was catching all light like a beacon. Dampening hands finally got it to go the other way, and she had to be extra careful not to get her elbow by her side or it would flip the other way and blind everyone. We all laughed about it later. So yes, I do remember what the attendants wore, at ONE wedding.

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Miss Herring May 25, 2017 at 9:24 am

NostalgicGal, this one took me a minute. I was picturing the somewhat-triangular panel sewn in upside-down so that the panel was narrow at the ankles and wide at the waist. Nap running the wrong way is certainly an easier mistake to make! I’m glad it all worked out!

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NostalgicGal May 26, 2017 at 12:48 am

The piece was cut shaped correctly but the pattern piece had been laid the wrong direction on the fabric (in terms, the fabric had a ‘nap’). So the one panel was catching the light and MOST distracting.

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Ashley May 24, 2017 at 12:55 pm

Except she wouldn’t be dying it just for that day?? It would last however long it took the dye to wash and/or grow out…

I had kind of the opposite happen for my wedding. One of my bridesmaids got married a month before me, and had grown her hair out so she’d have more options for styles on her wedding day. Typically she keeps her hair much shorter. One day about two weeks before my wedding, she texted me and said “Would you be okay if I chopped my hair off before your wedding? I’m not used to it being this long.” I didn’t even think twice and told her “It’s your hair, you can do whatever you want with it!!” I was so surprised she even thought to ask before doing it.

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Anonymous May 24, 2017 at 1:11 pm

I agree that the bride was being unreasonable, but does anyone else REALLY wish this submission wasn’t from Reddit? Since the OP wasn’t the actual bridesmaid in the story, we’ll never know how it ended. Did she go along with the bride’s wishes? Did the bride finally relent and “allow” her to keep her natural red hair for the wedding? Did she drop out? Did they stay friends? What about the other people involved, since mutual friends almost always pick one side or the other? I hope the person who submitted this story to Reddit, can see this, so she can fill us in on what happened.

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Aunt4God May 25, 2017 at 1:07 pm

For some reason, the whole reddit thread has been deleted, comment by comment. I saw this story last year and got to the thread before it was erased. I do know that she was relieved that they were supporting her feelings that this was going too far. She was going to tell the bride no, but I don’t know what happened after that. I forgot to go back to see.

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Nina J. Hodgson May 24, 2017 at 3:45 pm

Jesus Christ on a Segway, even the Rockettes, dancing in perfect synchrony, have different hair colors. What is wring with this woman? Would she ask an African American bridesmaid to bleach her hair blonde?

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LadyV May 25, 2017 at 2:35 am

+100 for “Jesus Christ on a Segway”!

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NostalgicGal May 25, 2017 at 3:24 am

Wow, your first five words are a new one. I have to remember that one!

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Bea May 24, 2017 at 8:42 pm

As someone who was bullied severely over their red hair and dyed it out of shame for awhile during my younger years, I’m seething on a whole other level here. What a horrible thing to ever req

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Darshiva May 24, 2017 at 10:56 pm

Attention grabbing? No. Attention grabbing is when you purposely say and/or do things to call attention to yourself. Simply having hair of a different color than the rest of the group is life.

You know what IS attention grabbing? Telling people that they have to change themselves to suit you. And it’s not positive attention, either.

If Bridezilla wants the whole wedding party to match, I recommend she go to the party store and buy a bunch of cheap plastic clown wigs for everybody. Because she’s certainly acting the clown, here.

The bridesmaid should avoid “grabbing attention” in the wedding party by stepping out of the wedding party, and possibly the wedding, entirely.

Give the bride a year or two to cool off and then see if she’s still that shallow and selfish, and maybe the friendship can be salvaged at that point.

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Princess Buttercup May 25, 2017 at 10:34 am

Doesn’t surprise me sadly.
I was best friends with a bride and groom (one of two best friends the groom had, the best friend of the bride) but not included in their wedding because their wedding was nothing but a way for mom to show off her money. All the bridesmaids were skinny, blond, and well off financially. Many of them were more of an acquaintance to the bride than a close friend. I was the closest friend of the bride but excluded and treated like an annoyance at the wedding by mom because I am fat, dark brown hair, and poor…

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Darshiva May 25, 2017 at 6:11 pm

I hope the bride has learned how to stand up to her mother, by now. Yikes!

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Redblues May 25, 2017 at 10:34 am

I have never dyed my red hair in my entire life. Nor would I. The only reason I might consider dying my hair would be to enter a witness protection program, and even then, I’d probably buy a wig. I would not even wear a wig for a bride. She would be welcome to dye her hair red to match mine, or wear a wig, if matching hair color was so important to her. But I would never change my own color. The “request” outrageous and insulting. Furthermore, natural redheads don’t really look good with any other hair color. I suspect the bride knows this. It sounds like a deliberate attempt to make that one bridesmaid less attractive. Just no. The bride is not your friend. I am frankly shocked that anyone old enough to get married still thinks like a 13-year-old.

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Annie May 25, 2017 at 11:34 am

This bride wouldn’t have liked my bridesmaid who shaved her head before my wedding. She asked me if it was OK, and I told her it wasn’t my hair so I didn’t care.

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Redblues May 25, 2017 at 3:01 pm

You are a perfect bride!

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Queen of Putrescence May 25, 2017 at 4:11 pm

My soon to be SIL had blue hair up until two weeks before my wedding and she was one of my bridesmaids. I never said a word about it except telling her that I would be paying for all of the bridesmaids to have their hair professionally styled the morning of the wedding. But she showed up at the wedding with blond hair which is her natural color. I wouldn’t be surprised if my MIL had said something to her even though I hadn’t said anything to my MIL either.

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Darshiva May 25, 2017 at 6:10 pm

Awww! So sweet! She asked, and you answered correctly. Love it.

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Cat May 25, 2017 at 2:02 pm

I would be so tempted to shave my head so that my hair would not call attention to myself and the bride could rest easy with her one bald bridesmaid.

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Anonymous May 26, 2017 at 6:36 am

Another thing–what if the letter writer DID dye her hair, but the dye job went terribly wrong, like in Anne of Green Gables, when Anne buys black hair dye that turns her red hair green? Then her options would be either a pixie cut (Marilla’s solution for Anne’s hair, to allow the green to grow out), leaving the botched dye job as is (which also wouldn’t match the rest of the bridesmaids), or trying to dye over it (which can damage your hair if you’re not careful). Even leaving the etiquette/basic human decency issue aside for a moment (and, the bride seems to be leaving etiquette and basic human decency aside for the whole time she’s planning and executing her wedding), the potential for a hair dyeing disaster is big enough, EVEN in 2017, that I think it might be easier just to say, “this is real life, not all my bridesmaids have the same colour of hair, and that’s okay.” I hate to say it, but I’m almost glad it’s JUST hair–I mean, woe betide the bridesmaid who’s bigger than the others, because I’ll bet anyone here that this bride would probably try to bully her into losing weight for the wedding, so as not to “ruin her pictures.”

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Dee May 26, 2017 at 10:18 am

There’s no trick to colouring red hair brunette; it’s always easy to go darker, and brunette covers green and orange tones easily. I can’t imagine a modern hair colour turning your hair green, and still can’t imagine what could have turned “Anne’s” hair from red to green. That said, a lot of really interesting potions were used in those days, for just about everything …

A competent hair stylist would be able to colour almost any hair almost any colour. The only problem (besides the cost) is, as you pointed out, the damage. And, as you also pointed out, the issue is not the hair colour, but the look of the bridesmaid overall. It’s just not logical to say “I want you in my wedding party because I love you and you’re my friend” and then say “but you have to change your looks because I want you to appear as someone else other than yourself”. Just in that statement the bride herself looks so ugly, it’s a surprise anyone wants to be seen with HER.

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NostalgicGal May 27, 2017 at 1:03 am

In the 70’s I wanted to go from my dark brunette to dark ash blonde. I went to a professional stylist shop. They guaranteed the could do it. My hair has very strong red undertones. It fought back. After all afternoon and hair that felt like straw, they gave me a brown to get my hair back to an approximation of brunette and didn’t charge me a thing. Decades later they had come out with a stripper that could get rid of that color, but. I had to call the company and they told me the max time was 1 hr 40 min, once every 24 hours and don’t exceed three passes in a month. First attempt, brunette to dark pumpkin orange. Second attempt, light sandy orange-ginger. Not a bad shade actually. Third attempt, straw blonde. My hair felt dead and horrible. I tried wearing that color, and it meant touching up roots was having to hit each area three times and it was hard to get this even, so I had ‘tortie’ roots. So the salon can’t always get it right either. If someone asked me to change my hair color for a wedding, it’d be (as I said before) one hot day with a wig on.

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Dee May 28, 2017 at 1:38 pm

Lightening dark hair to blonde can be difficult and the last colours remaining to be bleached out are the red tones. They are the most difficult to remove before you get to blonde. Lightening (bleaching) is the worst damage you can do to your hair. Anyone who wants to go from brunette to blonde is well-advised to consider that the hair will be really damaged and brittle, automatically. The salon didn’t get it “wrong” as much as there is a limit as to how much colour you can remove from dark hair before it’s horribly damaged. People don’t seem to realize that every head of hair is different, unique and unpredictable (even if it’s had the same successful treatment for years). It’s like art, you can commission a piece but can’t guarantee the results. And salons need to be completely honest about the chances of taking hair several numbers lighter, or even being able to do it without ruining the hair.

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NostalgicGal May 29, 2017 at 11:00 am

Well I had gone to the salon, told them what I wanted, they assessed my hair and guaranteed they could do it. They couldn’t. That was the late 1970’s. Early 1990’s, I tried it with this particular product and the amount of time on the box didn’t begin to touch it so I called the company direct and asked them. And they gave me the absolute numbers which were about triple what was on the box. I did manage to get rid of my original color. I actually wore that shade for eight months and I have a driver’s license with my hair that color. When I went for renewal they let me keep it and didn’t even punch it. I still have it as a reminder. These days I am the color I am, and I have the grey coming in. IF that would just come in EVEN I’d be happy. But I haven’t tried to color my hair in decades. Not worth it.

Amanda H. May 27, 2017 at 3:37 pm

I’ve seen black dyes for other products that, if not left on long enough or mixed thick enough, can end up greenish instead, including pen inks and food dyes. I don’t think it’s that much of a stretch for older-generation hair dyes (not modern ones) to end up turning a blonde or redhead kind of green if not done right (or just not done on a dark enough base). I even had a classmate in high school with blonde hair who had to be careful what colors she put in it (and she liked to go colorful) because some would react funny with her blonde hair and give her a color she wasn’t expecting.

As you said, though, most if not all modern hair colors should be able to do black properly.

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Dee May 28, 2017 at 1:46 pm

The colour black, theoretically, contains all colours. Some of those colours develop quickly and some take longer; that’s why you must leave hair colour on as long as the directions state, even if it “looks good” after only a few minutes. All hair colours come in a variety of undertones; you can choose a pale blonde that is warm (with very subtle red undertones) or cool (with ash undertones). Brunette with warm undertones will give an auburn cast in sunlight; cool brunette colour will look blue. A blue or green cast is recommended for certain skin and natural hair tones but not with others. If you really care to get a good colour then you will take it to a professional, one who specializes in colours. There are formulas and calculations that go into getting the colour right, and even then there are tricks for correcting a resulting colour that, despite all the proper math and assessments, didn’t come out as expected.

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NostalgicGal May 29, 2017 at 11:05 am

That was one of my mistakes. With very strong red undertones I tried to go ash (greyed or blue) instead of honey (warm or reds). I wanted rid of the red. I was also told sometime after the blonde episode to NEVER get near henna as I might go neon red with all the red hiding out in my hair color. (paternal grandmother was a redhead, a few shades darker than ginger as I remember, and my father had black hair/ginger beard, I have very dark hair with hella red undertones and ginger beard-post menopause so I know this for the fact-I have won Movember bets in the last few years (prostate cancer research fundraising) so…)

psammead May 31, 2017 at 12:16 am

You beat me to it. I was just going to comment that if the redhead tried to dye her hair some other color, and it turned green instead, it would just about serve Bridezilla right.

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Lex May 30, 2017 at 4:02 am

Nope! Nope, nope, NOPE! How DARE she? Eurgh, the levels of entitlement in this request are nauseating! If I were the Bridesmaid in question I’d be appalled! I’d certainly withdraw from the wedding party and I’d give serious consideration to withdrawing from the wedding altogether!

A Bride has no right to make demands like this! It’s not unreasonable to, say, request that a person wait until after the wedding to cut their hair if all the maids are having the same up-do (because it’s not exactly onerous to ask someone with long hair to wait a little longer before getting their hair cut). Or to request something equally low-impact, like ‘could you wear pink lipstick, not red’. But to ask someone to dye their hair? BIG NO NO!

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