I’m getting married soon. The wedding planning process hasn’t been my favorite thing, but the dress part was pretty exciting. My mom expressed that she wanted it to be a me and her deal–which I also really wanted, but then felt sort of bad for my MIL and didn’t know if I should include her or not in the process. While talking about things, my SIL said how she was excited to go wedding dress shopping and my MIL quickly intervened and said “Now, that’s between the bride and her mother”. I was so relieved that that was cleared (and by her at that) and went on about my way with looking for a dress with my mom.
Time went by and my MIL got curious as to if I had found a dress yet. She asked where I was looking, etc. I told her about a consignment shop and she made a huge deal about how she didn’t want me to wear a “used” wedding dress and how I should be getting something “new” for my “new” life with her son. I could care less about where the dress is from—if I can get an expensive dress for a fraction of the price, I’m all for that! I’m not the type to want to overdo it on expensive things. As long as my guests are fed, drinking, and having a good time, the extravagancy of the rest doesn’t really matter. I don’t believe in going into debt over a wedding. I was taken aback when she asked what my budget was, so I just made a number up because I didn’t think my mom would like for me to divulge that kind of information, since she was paying for the dress. Over the holidays, my MIL mentioned to my mom how she didn’t want me to get a “used” dress from a consignment shop, etc. etc. and this infuriated my mother and she got mad at me for even saying anything about it. I felt bad because I just wanted to make MIL feel a bit included, but was very mad about her even saying that to my mom. I expressed my concern with the fiance, but he just said his mom wanted me to have everything since she didn’t get much on her wedding day, etc. etc. I decide I’m not sharing anymore dress information.
Time goes by again and I finally find a dress. It’s very simple, but totally me and I love it. MIL asks if I find a dress, and I figure, what the hell, I’ll show her a picture. I know she won’t like it, but I’m well prepared to hear her opinion and let it go by. She first says it’s nice, but so plain.. I tell her I love it like that because it’s classic and my style, plus I can add my own touch to it. She says if I’m happy, then that’s good. There’s a pause.. and then she just starts saying how she’s going to be honest and that she really doesn’t like it because she thinks I need to wear something more grand and special, etc etc. I sit and listen to the rant for a bit, say multiple times that I love it, and end of story. I go to do a load of laundry and come back about 10 minutes later..
She continues by saying “If there’s a financial problem with the dress, I can put money down to help you get the one you ACTUALLY want”. I was VERY taken aback.. I reassure her again that that’s the dress I want. She continues “are you sure, are you sure??” and says how she just thought I was more fancy, based on my parents’ house, and based on how “fancy” my mom dresses and how “fancy” the stores she shops at are. I was very confused about that comment because I didn’t know how she would know where my mom shops at, but then remembered one occurence where my mom wanted to show me a dress for herself for the wedding and we were all together. The dress was a well-known more expensive brand, but my mother is an adult and can do what she wants and buy what she wants. I’m guessing MIL saw the prices when in that store and based on that last comment, it was almost like she was saying my mother is willing to spend hundreds on a dress for herself, but is too cheap to get me a multi-thousand dollar wedding gown. MIL continues about how her dress was picked for her and she didn’t get to have her dream wedding and just wants me to have the best.
I was very prepared to hear opinions about my dress, but the second financial part and the comment about my mom being “fancy” really crossed the line with me. I’m almost really turned off and don’t even want to get anymore opinions about anything. I haven’t spoken to my fiance about it because I don’t want to put him in the middle of it, again. Any way I can handle things in the future when trying to include her? We have very different opinions about everything and it’s exhausting- they believe that it’s a once-in-a-lifetime event and even seem to be willing to go broke over it, while I am more realistic and think it’s just one day and there’s no need to go overboard on everything. I don’t know what else to do. 0108-14