I’m writing mostly for help. I have a horrible track record of ending up in ehell where showers are concerned and I’m worried I’ll end up with yet another one. I’m hoping maybe you can help me protect myself. I may be worrying over nothing however. I’m pregnant with my second child. I’m mostly afraid a friend of mine will decide to throw me a shower and I’ll be unable to get out of it. She had a Gender Reveal/Sprinkle for her own second child. And if she offers I’m not sure how to decline without telling her I believe showers for 2nd children in most cases are tacky. But I can’t tell her that since she had a shower for her 2nd child in a manner I found extra tacky, and it would be rude to let on I felt that way.
If it helps here’s my past shower offenses. Please feel free to edit as needed or even leave out entirely. For our Wedding, my husband and I had to move the date up by about 6 months suddenly because of the economy. As such I had about 2 months to plan/replan the wedding. I chopped my guest list and switched to the chapel at our church (instead of the larger sanctuary), so that I could get a room at a nice restaurant for the reception instead of trying to find a caterer and a hall. Well, our church women’s group always held showers for brides and 1st time mothers-to-be. When the lady in charge of Women’s ministries contacted me about the shower I told her I wasn’t going to have one since I didn’t have the time and could not invite the whole church like most of the couple from the church did when they got married. (This is generally an insert in the bulletin saying anyone in the church is welcome to attend the wedding at date and time, not full formal invitations to each member.) Well she insisted they had to have a shower for me since it’ll cause problems in the church if they start having them for some people and not others. Well, I didn’t feel right about causing problems for her by refusing so I let her have it. So the big faux pas was having a shower where the vast majority of the guests were not invited to the wedding.
For my first baby I had two showers, which is a bit tacky in and of itself, but the only overlap of people was myself, my mom, and my sister-in-law, so not too awful. The first one was a family/friends shower. My aunt, and cousin planned it with some help from my mom. I know family is not supposed to plan showers, but they didn’t ask me if they could. They called me up one day with a theme picked out, decorations already bought, and some progress on the games and food to pin down a date that worked for me. This was the first I’d heard of it. My aunt and cousin are both pretty strapped for money and I didn’t know how to tell them that it was rude for them to host the shower and all their work and money spent was for nothing, so I went along with it. Doubly so because this aunt was a huge help while I was crash planning the wedding. She called and set up appointments for me with florists, restaurants, and cake places while I was at work. (She was basically housebound on disability at the time) They are both people who just love to do for others and are not generally people I would consider presumptuous or controlling. I certainly didn’t feel any need to nip anything in the bud. 3 years later, I can say I was right about that.
The church shower, they asked my parents small group to plan for me. So the only real faux pas was my mother was again in the thick of the planning. Again it was half planned before anyone said anything to me about it. I’d say it was less of a faux pas in this case since as I stated before the church had showers for ALL first time moms anyway.
The church isn’t a concern this time around since A. they only do stuff for first time moms and B. We no longer go there. Our current church doesn’t do anything for moms, there are much too many of them. My family/friends shower was rather early (the Saturday before Thanksgiving) because I was due February 5th, but at high risk for pre-term labor and my aunt wanted it before her surgery scheduled on the Saturday after Thanksgiving. Also we wanted to avoid Christmas craziness. None of my friends offered to or hinted they were planning a shower last time, but with the early shower I’m afraid they just got beat to the punch. Hopefully, I’m worried over nothing. But I really don’t want to get caught unprepared again. 1127-13
It is possible to get out of attending a baby shower in your honor without explaining to anyone that you consider second and more showers to be an etiquette faux. When asked for a date that would be convenient for you be in attendance at a shower, sigh and say, “It looks like my calendar is full .” That won’t prevent a surprise shower and to be honest, you shouldn’t expect one. But if it happens, be gracious. A good friend surprised me with a baby shower for my second child. I had no idea and was totally caught off guard when I opened the door to her home and met a dozen women yelling “Surprise!” You go with the flow and behave kindly.