Need advice- rude family members or am I overreacting?
Having a birthday dinner at my home for my sister. Invited are my husband, my uncle (father’s brother) my sister, sisters fiancÃ© and myself.
My father, who usually hosts but cannot because he is a lifelong hoarder and has destroyed the house and is unable to have us over because now apparently the kitchen is also destroyed and unusable, calls me with a list of requested foods for the dinner-which will be an order out or delivery because I don’t have time to prepare a meal on this particular day with my work schedule. My father even goes as far as to direct me to where to order from because “my sister will like it” and initially wants me to order from a sushi place to which I explain the takeout for sushi in our area is not good, and I will gladly take my sister out for a fancy sushi dinner another time.
I should also note that my father refuses to eat dinner out at restaurants due to his agoraphobia issues. Otherwise I would have moved the entire party out to a restaurant and had a wonderful sushi dinner and have no issue paying for the entire thing myself.
My father then directs me to another restaurant, 15 miles away, and says I MUST order from there because the food is better than at the same restaurant 5 minutes from the house. Same family, same chain, same name. I let him know that I will not have the time to travel to pick up the food, buy a birthday cake (which I have agreed to do already) and beverages and be able to have the event in a timely manner. My father specifies items he would like-pasta, chicken parmesan, etc. that he likes from the restaurant. He also refuses to pick up the items or assist in any way in getting them to my home outside of paying for them. My uncle has also refused to pick anything up for the event as was my understanding by what my father related to me.
I let my father know I simply cannot make the trip, and since now nobody is helping me put the event together, I will order the same items from a local place which is equally as good and have them delivered. It is easier and everybody is happy. My father asks for specific items to be ordered. I oblige. In a separate phone call to my sister, she asks for specific items to be ordered. I ordered everything that was asked for and did not want nor request anyone to help in paying for it. I am happy to have gatherings that allow for my family to come together to celebrate. We all agree and set a time to meet at my home. I get the cake, beverages, etc.
My uncle drives my father to my home, which is a “pay for parking” a fee of 3 dollars a visit because it is a community lot. I let them know in advance I will reimburse them for the 3 dollars. My uncle calls me telling me the gate guy did not accommodate him with a space located by the front door, and now he cannot find his way up front (?). My sister then has to go downstairs to the parking lot and personally escort my uncle upstairs because he states “he cannot find the way to the door”. I am upstairs preparing and setting out the foods that just arrived, setting the table and slightly stressed over the phone that keeps ringing because my uncle wants special parking treatment and this should suddenly become my problem when I am hosting him to my home.
Everyone finally arrives, I have special settings for each guest/family member, 6 in total. My uncle proceeds to pop onto the table a bag containing sushi for himself and my sister. My sister tells my uncle that she already told him NOT to order sushi and it was ok because I ordered her special items from the Italian place. Sister eats sushi with uncle-no extra items were ordered for the group from the sushi place-not that I would want to mix sushi and Italian but the point is I thought it was very rude to bring separate meals and I was absolutely furious. I kept my composure and remained the wonderful hostess and said nothing about the sushi.
The special items that were requested by my father and sister were not touched. The adding on of these special items doubled the food bill. I asked if they would like to take them home with them to enjoy since they had requested them and now were untouched. They said no. So I went ahead and ate a few bites of the special requested items and now I have a refrigerator full of food that I didn’t want and paid for that nobody ate.
My sister also made several comments about her birthday cake-we know she does not like blue frosting. The frosting appeared to me to be rainbow when I purchased it…a small amount of blue frosting that I did not see was on the lower edging of the cake. My sister remarked several times how she did not like blue frosting. I said I know, I didn’t realize it when I bought it, I thought it was rainbow. She made comments until I finally said why are you complaining about the birthday cake I bought for you?
Honestly, any party, type of food or cake bought for me would be fine if it was done in a gesture to celebrate my own birthday. I feel I am dealing with several people who are just very rude and selfish and unappreciative of kind gestures. I am not waitress nor a special order eatery. I feel absolutely foolish and furious now that this event is over. Am I wrong? I feel used and trampled. I feel they are entirely ungrateful for the effort I put forth for family events while they sit back and behave poorly, arrive late and are otherwise a pain to deal with and difficult. Please advise how to proceed.
I feel I already addressed the issue with my sister. I am however very angry at my uncle for bringing special food to an event without even speaking to me about it first and without bringing enough for everyone to share. I am moderately annoyed at my father for asking for special items and then not eating them nor taking them home.
Thanks for listening. 1025-15
The answer to your initial question is obvious. You are related to people who feel entitled and are ungrateful. It is discouraging to interact with people who cannot be pleased by any gesture we do or who demand that we jump through hoops to make them happy.