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Gaming Drama Queen

I need some advice from ehellions.

A group of friends and I went on a trip for my birthday last year. We have a gaming group and all 16 of the ladies were invited. Only 7 out of the 16 could go. We invited other friends, as we found a condo that slept 10, and we had a ball. No drama, just great fun.

Fast forward to this year and 2 of the ladies who couldn’t go last year are insisting that they are coming this year. One even called me up and said in no uncertain terms she was coming. Period. I told her we were opening it up first to the people who went last year and if there was room there may be room for her. I never promised her she could go. She didn’t care about that, she said she was invited last year and said she was coming this year. Period. This woman is extremely controlling and likes to cause unnecessary drama. She has caused some drama recently and several in the group don’t want her to go on the trip. Others who don’t know about the drama she has recently caused are talking up the trip. I am in a pickle. I’ve already told her, before her recent drama, that we would have to see if there was space. I confronted her on her recent drama and she gave me the cursory/obligatory “Oh sorry”. There is no way she is going and ruining our weekend.

Even though she was invited last year, does that automatically extend an invitation for this year? How do we get people to stop talking about the trip? Then there’s the whole posting pictures on social media piece, as several are constant posters. I’m just really unsure how to handle this. We’re darned if we do (our trip is ruined) or darned if we don’t (WW3 will ensue). How should we handle this? What does etiquette say? Please help! Thanks!   0918-17

When an event is perceived as a group event, i.e. the members of a group are invited en masse, rather than a personal event, there will be a problem with those within the group who will expect to be included in subsequent annual group events.   You need to rebrand this as your birthday weekend get away event of which you are the host/planner/coordinator.   I would do paper invitations with instructions sent to specific desired guests,  require an RSVP via email (and any financial deposits),  set up a separate email list or a closed Facebook group for those invited for the purpose of sharing information (I’m assuming your party group last year coordinated meals among you all).   Block the undesireable/uninvited guests.   If drama queen tries to contact you, ignore her. It’s your private event and you are under no obligation to cater to the demands of a person who is not invited to attend.

{ 39 comments… add one }
  • lakey January 15, 2018, 2:36 am

    First, Administrator’s advice is perfect.

    Second, “One even called me up and said in no uncertain terms she was coming. Period. I told her we were opening it up first to the people who went last year and if there was room there may be room for her. I never promised her she could go. She didn’t care about that, she said she was invited last year and said she was coming this year. Period.”
    A woman who has to force herself on people has a big problem.

    • Michelle January 15, 2018, 8:45 am

      I agree. I think there is going to be a problem either way like OP says. If the pushy one doesn’t get to go, there will be drama and if she does go, she will cause drama that kills the fun of the weekend.

      • TracyX January 15, 2018, 11:42 am

        Oh yeah.

        If there is going to be drama either way, I’d definitely go for not ruining the weekend. Maybe she’ll even decide to leave the gaming group and take care of that problem too.

      • Lady Phoenix January 15, 2018, 11:51 am

        In this case, OP has to do a balance act. Either drama queen doesn’t go and brew drama, or she goes and brews drama. In this case, I would tell she can go because it sounds like some of peeps going do have issues with her and would feel stressed with her there.

      • Gena January 15, 2018, 1:54 pm

        I honestly feel like trying to work around this is not the solution. Yes, you can have a party and invite whoever you want, but if you invite 15 out of 16 of a group, there is going to be an issue.

        Someone just needs to sit her down and explain the situation. Otherwise this situation will just repeat every time there is an event.

    • SS January 15, 2018, 10:55 am

      “The invitation last year wasn’t an annual gaming event invitation, it was for my birthday getaway. I have already selected the people that I’m inviting for my birthday this year. ” And the admin is right that you need to speak to the people who are invited about the basic courtesy of not discussing it in front of others that weren’t invited.

  • Heather January 15, 2018, 10:36 am

    I agree with Admin. If this is a gaming group event and she’s in the group… well she’s invited. I’m not sure about switching it from a group event to a private event at this point in time. I suppose you could “cancel” the group event and simply set up a new, private one.

    But this also begs the question: why is she still in the group? My son organizes events for a particular gaming group all of the time. Granted, the events are virtual in nature, so the organization isn’t as touchy as what you describe. However, there is a sort of code of conduct for their group and the administrators of the group bounce anyone out who is not adhering to that code. If she is that disruptive, I would question her involvement in the group at large.

  • PJ January 15, 2018, 10:36 am

    I agree with Admin.

    Where LW can do better is change things like “*we* were opening it up…” to “*I’ve* invited last year’s group…” don’t make your birthday sound like a group-coordinated event. Make it clear that it is *your* event. On top of that, only 7 of the 16 could go last year, along with a couple others, so this is not a gaming-group event with open sign-ups, it just happens to have some overlap, but less than half of the group was there.

    I know it is hard to draw a ‘fair’ line if there’s more demand than supply. I agree that it is best to start with the people who were able to commit last year and see where are you at that point.

    When it comes to social media posting, I think the etiquette is still developing. I would create a private group for plans, but let everyone just manage their own posts about trip highlights. The fact is: some will be at an event and others won’t. Having to hide this type of thing isn’t the solution. Trying to control what others post on their own accounts also isn’t the solution. You can decide for yourself what to post about the trip and let others do the same.

    Finally, when it comes to inviting this drama queen: don’t invite her. There will be drama either way. Someone will be upset either way. Choose the option that doesn’t ruin the trip for everyone. Choose the option that upsets the source of the trouble, rather than you and your drama-free friends.

  • Shalamar January 15, 2018, 10:44 am

    I don’t understand. OP apparently liked Drama Queen enough to include her in last year’s invitation – if I were Drama Queen, I’d assume that I was invited this year as well.

    • Melissa January 16, 2018, 9:52 am

      OP does say that Drama Queen *recently* started some drama. Maybe last year, DQ didn’t act like that, or OP didn’t know her well enough to know she was a drama queen, or just opened up the event to her entire group to be polite? Either way, just because you (general) are invited to an event one year, you are not automatically invited every year, and shouldn’t assume that you are, whether you attended the event or not. Bonus Drama Queen points for insisting that you are going to an event that you have not been invited to, and Extra Points on top of that for insisting once you have been specifically told that you are not invited. I think it’s pretty clear why OP doesn’t want Drama Queen there!

    • Pat January 16, 2018, 10:29 am

      Last year was last year – this year is this year. Drama Queen is not entitled to assume that she is invited to the event this year. Only 9 people from the gaming group are going to be invited again. It’s not being handled the same way as last year. End of story.

  • Shoegal January 15, 2018, 10:55 am

    I don’t know what to do about that. I had a group of friends – 6 couples including my husband and me. We would all get together regularly. Send out a group text to everyone for whatever. One fine day one couple decides to unfriend one of the other couples over a dispute. This caused widespread tension in the group. It became unclear what to do when inviting and of course, it created a lot of drama. You don’t want to exclude anyone – you don’t want to take sides – hey, we felt it wasn’t our business but it made it quite tiresome. We tried just inviting some – so the two couples didn’t have to have an awkward encounter but then the other couple felt excluded. Some couples took sides making it even more complicated. At this point, I’m not sure this “group” of friends exists today. One thing is for certain – if it becomes necessary or even a remotely good idea to lie then things have taken a turn for the worst. It’s not a good idea to even not say. People always talk and the truth always comes to light and you might thing you are helping or being kind to just “not say” – but you aren’t. Tell the truth. Believe me, not fun to say but it frees everyone from hiding the truth.

  • Mrslove January 15, 2018, 11:55 am

    It depends greatly on how it’s promoted. If you are still asking the gaming group to go, BUT putting a # cap on it (you mentioned the condo has room for 10, so it sounds like you want to keep it at 10) then that’s not nice. You can’t really say the “first 10” get the spots ,OR the first people who get the spots are the ones from last year. That’s still not nice. So, yeah, you have to rebrand it as NOT a gaming group activity and only invite who you want. I’m surprised though, haven’t we talked here about not throwing your own birthday and/or expecting the invitees to pay? Have I missed something?

    • sunnydi84 January 16, 2018, 8:14 pm

      Hi! OP here. Last year’s event was set up by a friend who likes to invite ‘everyone’ and thought it would be fun to see who out of our gaming group could attend. I would never throw myself a party. 7 ladies (including she & I ) could come. We then got 2 condos that slept 5 each, so we invited 3 other non-gamer friends. We all split the cost of the 2 condos. It wasn’t ever a gaming group event last year and it isn’t this year either. This year we’re not even going the same month as my birthday. It’s just a weekend away.
      Immediately after last year’s trip, out of the other 9 who couldn’t go last year, only 2 expressed interest in coming this year: DQ and another woman. The other woman can’t travel now, leaving only DQ.
      This event was in April 2017 and DQ called out of the blue in Aug 2017. DQ has since caused more drama in the group. Only 1 of the 10 of us would probably be OK with her going. But that is only because the 1 doesn’t like conflict.
      Also, DQ has had events and not invited me and I didn’t have a fit. She even had an event after the trip and invited the entire gaming group and not me. I wasn’t even the hostess of last year’s event. I didn’t call her up and complain. I understand that not everyone can be invited to everything. I moved on with my life.
      This year we are taking the 10 from last year and just letting the chips fall where they may with her.
      Thank you for the feedback. I appreciate it.

  • Melissa Wilcox January 15, 2018, 12:23 pm

    Stick to your guns. I’ve been in this same situation and it ended badly. The butt-in-sky had a terrible attitude, and caused problem the whole weekend (not wanting to eat where the group wanted to go, trying to talk about the hostesses back, insisting everyone went to bed when she wanted to,), and this goes on. Beyond annoying.

  • viviennebzb January 15, 2018, 12:40 pm

    I agree with Admin that she can’t come to what she doesn’t know about. Even if the cat is out of the bag this time, if she’s not given details, she’s just having a fit all by herself while you’re enjoying your party with your invited guests, as it should be. I don’t know anyone who grants invitations in perpetuity, Pushy Friend is just flat out of line, and OP owns no responsibility towards her whatsoever. Well, maybe a polite complete silence.

  • ErindV January 15, 2018, 12:44 pm

    This is giving me flashbacks to my twenties when a large group of female friends at our church went through some similar issues. Anytime anybody had any kind of social gathering it was assumed that *everybody* was invited, and trying to hold any kind of smaller gathering (even for legitimate reasons due to space considerations or participation in specific hobbies/interests, let alone just wanting to hang out with a couple of friends instead of over a dozen) would inevitably result in one or two women being very vocally upset and demanding to know why they were being excluded. It was exhausting. Some people will always take that situation badly, but provided I abided by the following guidelines I felt fine about my decisions and just ignored the drama as best I could:
    1) If you’re inviting the bulk of a given social group to an event you should invite the entire group. If you were the only one in a 10 person team/group/etc not invited to something you would understandably feel insulted.
    2) Neither go out of your way to throw an event you’re attending in the face of those not invited, nor go out of your way to hide it from them, as though it were a state secret. You aren’t committing a crime by limiting the number of people attending your birthday getaway to the number of beds available, so don’t act as though you are. Do you know what really sets off the sort of people who are easily offended by not being invited to everything? Catching others whispering about a secret event they were excluded from.
    3) Unless your goal is to disband the larger social group, be certain to still have some large events where everybody from that group is invited.
    Beyond that, just wait it out. I found that this sort of drama faded away considerably as people got older.

  • JD January 15, 2018, 12:44 pm

    Have invitations been issued? I would totally flail around if confronted the way OP was by the self-inviter, but if I then had time to think, I would follow Admin’s advice and let this woman know that this is a private event for OP’s birthday, and invitations are being issued. The ones who insist upon coming when not wanted are going to create a stink at being left out, granted, but does OP want the entire weekend ruined by allowing this person or persons to come?
    About the talkers, the best I can think of is to tell the invited people that the guest list is restricted, so please make no mention of the weekend getaway this year around anyone else. Hopefully, they would have the sense to be quiet once they know not everyone is going to be invited.

  • Dee January 15, 2018, 2:21 pm

    If OP is paying for the event, in total, then she gets to decide the guest list and itinerary. If “guests” each have to pay for themselves then there is no host, and OP has no control over who attends and what the event will be. In the latter case, these other uninvited women may be getting their verbal invites from the other “guests”, which means they are actually invited, too. If OP isn’t paying, she can’t make the rules.

    • Kate 2 January 16, 2018, 12:25 pm

      Well, even if LW wasn’t paying, the space limitations dictate not everyone can come. It sounds like LW is paying to rent a house or something like that. Even if she wasn’t though, a group of ten friends mutually agreeing to rent a house doesn’t mean that anyone can invite themselves. If they were renting hotel rooms I would agree that LW can’t keep others from renting there too, but that still wouldn’t mean they would get to join the group as though they were invited by the group.

    • SamiHami January 16, 2018, 1:13 pm

      Of course OP can limit the attendee list, even if everyone is paying for themselves. She is the organizer and she most certainly can, and should, make the rules.

      • Dee January 16, 2018, 5:48 pm

        No, if you are paying your own way then you are your own host, which means you can invite anyone else you want. It seems OP wants to control the “guest” list while not being the hostess. If “guests” decide they’d like to have others join them they are free to invite them; as there is no host there is no one person who needs to be consulted. If you want to control the details of a party then you need to throw one, as in, pay for one.

        • Devin January 17, 2018, 1:49 pm

          In this scenario all of the invites guests are aware of the space limitations and wouldn’t invite others because of this. Based on the response of the OP her friend who organized the first event secured the space, probably putting down a deposit for the condo, so they knew they could only have 10 attendees total and would be seen by those invited as the host. The DQ is demanding to attend an event that doesn’t have the space for her, period whether she pays for herself or not. I guess since there isn’t a technical hostess This year, she could find out where they are vacationing, transport herself, and book a condo near by, but that doesn’t require the group invite her to their condo or alert her to any of the activities. she might be enough of a Drama queen to do that?

        • Margo January 18, 2018, 4:14 pm

          I don’t think that’s accurate. If one person is organising an event, they get to make decisions about it.
          It may well be that some decisions are shared by the participants, but that doesn’t automatically mean that everyone participating can invite whomever they please.
          It might, for instance, mean that none of the 10 people planning to go together invites anyone extra without checking with the other 9 first.
          It might mean that the organiser is the only one who invites anyone.

          Plus, in this instance, no-one is inviting the ‘Drama Queen’ – she is trying to invite herself.

      • Rebecca January 16, 2018, 11:23 pm

        I disagree with the idea that if I organize an outing among friends and don’t pay for everyone, then I have no say in who gets invited.

  • staceyizme January 15, 2018, 2:31 pm

    I can see both sides of this. The “B” list guests from last year were outside of the group. The group has been together for some time and everyone attending last year had such a good time that “B” list folks have moved over to the A list. It’s too bad that there isn’t enough room for everyone who might want to attend, but unless you cancel the event “as is” and recast it for another time and under another name (a real pain, if you ask me), then I think you’re stuck sticking with “no, I’m sorry, that won’t work for us- you see, it’s not a group event this year”. Repeat as needed. You can’t control who posts what and I wouldn’t try. But- you can think strategically. Is it possible to get a larger house so that some of those who couldn’t make it last year but might be interested this year can also attend? You seem stuck on recreating last year’s trip through the guest list and that isn’t the best way to keep drama out of a group that gets together regularly. This is definitely a case of “winning the battle, but losing the war”. In all likelihood there will be those who will hear both sides and some will see her perspective and some will see yours and it will all get mixed up and aired as “dirty laundry”. Maybe tally those going this year and see if there is room for her after everyone RSVP’s. She sounds a bit demanding but you sound somewhat controlling. Bend, you won’t lose anything in the long run and it’s just one trip. If you really don’t want her to go, you can probably make a good case for banning her. But- your gamer group may suffer as a result.

  • NostalgicGal January 15, 2018, 2:31 pm

    Been gaming for decades, including at conventions. The spectrum of players is immense. And you will get people like that.

    I totally agree, brand it as a birthday party. There were people there last year outside of the gaming group, so that means it wasn’t an exclusive gamer-group-only event.

    It is perfectly proper to say those that came last year have first priority on the limited number of slots for this pass.

    Rebrand as private birthday party, try to isolate the information, talk nicely to the ‘talker-uppers’ and inform them it’s not a group-only event and to please mellow out. As admin said, issue paper invitations with information to those coming… if there’s any blanks, it’s because it’s a birthday party so YOU get to decide who else to invite to fill slots. Have a place with security available if nothing else so if your gate crasher manages to find it anyways they can be escorted out.

    [I have a very long one of a few years ago at an event where “Moochina” came twice, I got to see the second pass, and it ended up sadly with one divorce and some restraining orders–this woman sounds pale by comparison but would still be nothing I’d want at an event by the sounds of it]

  • kingsrings January 15, 2018, 4:49 pm

    Why would someone want to be where they’re not welcome at? That’s weird.

  • Ms T January 15, 2018, 8:53 pm

    Its a shame that the LW didn’t realise it would blow up like this, or she could have told this woman “Oh, no; I’m doing something different for my birthday this year!” during her first call.
    Because she is; last year was an open-invite weekend to a specific destination. This year she’s having a adult sleepover at a condo with a specific guest list. Similar, but completely different events.

    Along with the Dame’s advice, the letter writer might want to practice in the mirror for when this woman demands to know why she hasn’t been given details for the event. Puzzled expression, reasonable tone, completely failing to understand how the concept of last year’s invite could possibly relate to this year; “Missy, I told you I’d keep you in mind if there was room, but there isn’t.” / “But Missy, this is a completely different party to last year.” / “I think you are confused Missy. This isn’t a gaming group event.”

  • Rebecca January 16, 2018, 1:36 am

    I have known one of these. Drama Queen, nobody wants to invite her to things as a result, more drama over not being invited. I think you have to just keep doing what you’re doing (and not announcing it on Facebook in advance) and let the aftermath just roll off your shoulders, as in “sorry, this was a private event.” Let her be mad at you. She will be anyway.

  • imc January 16, 2018, 3:36 am

    I think a good place to start from is, what about the other 8 people that were invited last year but couldn’t make it? What is their perception regarding this year’s event? Are they still invited? Or are they also automatically excluded because last year you realized you didn’t need them to enjoy yourselves?

    Please, OP, note that that last comment is not a deliberate jab at you on my part, but it’s how the whole thing might be interpreted by the “other” friends. Those that didn’t come last year and are not Drama Queens and might, or might not, take offense at knowing they’re automatically excluded on the simple grounds of not being able to make it last year. Which is the story that will circulate if that’s the stand you take and keep with Drama Queen.
    Of course, this also strongly depends on how this particular event is currently perceived among the group: is it still your birthday getaway (like the admin suggests) or is it merely a “we had fun last year, let’s do this again and, yes, let’s do it around the same time of the year which coincidentally overlaps with your birthday” getaway? Because, of course, in the latter case, in the face of the Drama Queen (and potentially all other uninvited) you’re merely the mouthpiece of their exclusion. In the former case, you are the sole responsible for their exclusion. So, basically, think it through before swinging either way.
    If it’s the latter case and you’re merely coordinating the event, make sure to check with all other participants where they stand with regards to Drama Queen going or not going. If you simply assume that the majority will not want her there, but don’t know for certain, you risk being branded like the only one who didn’t want her, which might not sit well with other members of your group.
    Personally, having made sure the group is roughly on the same page, I would stick with the limited number of spots available, and if Drama Queen keeps nagging at you I would go for a honest “listen, in lieu of the recent drama you stirred within the group, we feel we’d rather not have you go this time.” Spine of steel, I’m afraid. And be prepared for a possibly icy reaction from other friends who are not going, who might henceforth assume they will never again be invited and may perceive the 7 of you as a smaller, closer group of friends within your gaming group, which they’ve been arbitrarily excluded from.

    As for FB etiquette, I don’t really think that’s a problem in this case. Drama Queen knows the event is taking place, and you can’t stop her from knowing about it unless you tell everyone that she’s not welcome and why, in order to ask them to not talk about it anymore. That would add more unnecessary drama, though.
    So have the event. Talk about it. Have her go or not. Take pictures, post them. She’ll know you’ve gone on the getaway wether she sees the pictures or not.

    • sunnydi84 January 16, 2018, 7:59 pm

      Hi! OP here. Thanks for the feed back. This gaming group is extremely diverse and there are cliques within the group. But not exclusive cliques. Just those that have more in common with each other than others. The age ranges are late 20s-early 70s. It’s a fun gaming group, but we don’t necessarily do things outside of the group all together.
      The 7 of us are closer to each other than some of the others as we are the founders of the gaming group 18 years ago and have a lot in common. The other ladies have things in common with each other. We aren’t trying to be exclusive this year. Of all the gamers, only 2, DQ and another woman said they wanted to be included this year. The second woman now can’t travel. Last year’s hostess was just trying to be nice last year and include everyone. This year we aren’t even going in the same month as my birthday, so it is definitely not my birthday party event.
      I think only 1 attendee would be OK if DQ went. But she is somewhat of a doormat and would never make a fuss. The other 9 of us either know the drama she’s caused or don’t know her at all.
      But, thank you for the feedback. It’s always tricky when someone just invites themselves.

      • imc January 17, 2018, 5:33 am

        Ok, that changes the perspective a lot. Thanks for the clarification.
        I’m part of a similar group (not gaming but philanthropy) as well, so that’s where my understanding of possible group dynamics come from.
        At one point I invited ONE person from this 30 people group on a holiday with me and a friend that’s not part of the group, and there’s another member of the group that still makes the occasional passive-aggressive remark about that holiday. To the point that some other memebers (including the passive-aggressive person) went on a weekend getaway last year and when someone suggested inviting us two, the other person said something like “well, it’s not like they invited us along when they went on holiday together”. Weird.

        The fact that the rest of the group won’t mind either way makes it easier, by far. And the fact that it’s not your birthday definitely makes it easier for you.
        All things considered, I stand by my original suggestion: there’s no room + polite but firm “we’d rather you not go” if necessary.

        Most of all, have fun on your trip! 🙂

  • Shoegal January 16, 2018, 10:04 am

    The thing is – what kind of person goes around announcing that she’s invited and she’s going. End of discussion. You just don’t get your way – I’m going. That’s it Sorry, that’s not it – and that isn’t how things work. If that is the kind of person this drama queen is – you don’t need to tiptoe around her or her feelings and you’d be perfectly fine without her around. I believe that the “trip” has evolved into a non gaming event. Only 7 of the 16 came and they invited other “non gaming friends”- it is not the same trip at all. You can say,”no you are not invited. This trip morphed into something else entirely – we aren’t inviting everyone we did before but only the original 10 who went the first time. So sorry – perhaps another event will come up with the other ladies.”

  • Abby January 16, 2018, 12:42 pm

    I have a bit of a problem with telling someone, I’m asking 9 other people first, and if one of them says no, then you can come. Maybe. That to me is as rude as telling someone you’re coming to an event to which you’ve not been invited.

    The drama queen obviously assumes this is an event related to the gaming group and that anyone in the gaming group is welcome. Rather than play it off as a space issue (since OP doesn’t want her to come regardless), I don’t see why OP didn’t just say it was a trip she was planning for her birthday and was not related to the gaming group. I would assume that besides drama queen, 8 other women in this group are also not invited.

  • staceyizme January 16, 2018, 12:57 pm

    I can’t help but wonder if some of the confusion (NOT that it excuses the Pesty Guest Invador) has come from the blended nature of the event? A birthday is one thing- you can celebrate it any way that you want, but it isn’t going to take center stage for 48 hours. A group get together is another matter entirely, even with a birthday as an excuse. You probably only get total control if you totally pay (which is why the Unwanted One sees a way to attend, even without an invitation). You’re not the hostess in the strictest sense of the word, and I believe that you know this because you told her that it would be necessary to “wait and see” if there was room available after those who attended last year were able to RSVP. It’s too muddled to make a clear call based on the “birthday”/ “gamer group” dichotomy. You can’t, strictly speaking, issue an invitation to an event from a “hostess” perspective unless you also fully pay for said event. You then are inviting people to do an activity with you. You can limit the guest list somewhat, but may have to consult with others about including or disincluding additional participants. Part of this is because of the event’s history. Part of it is because of the pool of original potential participants. THAT’s why you’re hearing “no, I’m coming and you don’t get to disinvite me”. Your birthday is a great reason to have a getaway but it’s kind of a red herring in this context. You’re not actually hosting the event, you’re organizing it. And while that normally gives you full privileges as to whom to include, the event is “out” in the group and somewhat beyond, so, again, you are going to have a hard time reasonably enforcing “no”. My advice may go against the grain for many people, but I’d be inclined to recast this as “space available”, omit the whole “my rights to invite because it’s my birthday” and stick with your “pending space available, others may also attend”. Next year- just rent the house and invite those you want and keep any mention of birthdays and gaming groups out of it, with the possible exception of your nearest and dearest couple of buddies. That way, no befuddlement will ensue on either side and the Dramatic One will have less to grasp onto as a pretext for forcing her presence.

  • sunnydi84 January 16, 2018, 7:23 pm

    Hi! OP here. Thank you for all your feedback. It really helps. Just wanted to clarify some things. Last year’s event was hosted by a friend. I would never host my own party. She is a ‘let’s invite the world’ type and thought it would be fun to invite the entire gaming group and see who could come. 7 out of the 16 could come (including the hostess and me) so we invited 3 others outside the gaming group. Drama Queen (DQ) doesn’t know these 3 people. One of the 3 non-gamers was having a birthday the same weekend, so we made it a birthday for both of us. This trip took place in April 2017.
    Everyone split the cost for the 2 condos (that each slept 5) and food. Except for our special birthday dinner out. The other 8 wanted to treat the other birthday girl and me to a birthday dinner.
    DQ then just called me out of the blue in Aug 2017 and just demanded to go this year. I was taken aback and did tell her if the trip happens we will be inviting the original 10 from last year. If those 10 can’t go we would see if we wanted to open it up. It was never touted as a gaming group party for my birthday last year. It was always my birthday party and the gaming group happened to be invited. So, the original group is going this year so it is 7 out of 22 (now) in the gaming group and the 3 others who are not. This year it is not for my birthday party. The larger the condo, the more expensive it is. We got a beachfront condo that sleeps 10 and it’s full. As in even if we wanted to add more the property wouldn’t allow it. Last year’s hostess and I created a private event on FB and DQ is not on FB. But her BFFs are. I did post on the event page to respectfully not discuss this trip with others who aren’t invited as we can’t invite everyone and it just causes hurt feelings. Surprised I had to do this with adults, but I digress. Not sure what to do about people posting pictures to their social media accounts, but I can’t control what others do.
    We have decided with DQ to just let the chips fall where they may. She is not going. Period. We are not going to ruin a vacation for 10 so one Drama Queen can be happy. She has had events and not invited me and life went on. I would never have dreamed of calling her up and demanding an invite. I don’t know who calls up out of the blue and demands an invite. But, this is the type of person she is.

  • gramma dishes January 20, 2018, 8:53 pm

    I think you’ve made a wise decision, OP.

  • Saitaina Malfoy January 3, 2019, 6:51 am

    I know, a year late to the party, but as ‘that one friend’, let me put my two cents in. Not everyone in a group is invited or even welcome at every event. It sucks being that person left out, but AS that person left out often due to my personality (loud) and social skills (yay Autism), I get it. People want to have fun and not everyone in our group of friends enjoys my company (we’re friends by location, sort of a neighborhood pack). Yes, drama queen will drama, but you just ignore her and move on, she’ll get bored of it.

    (and yes, it DID take me a while to come to terms with being on the outside looking in, but hey, I get more enjoyment of the events I do get to participate in then going to ALL of them, so it works out).

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