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Wedding Wednesday – Great Friend And Person But An Abysmal Bridesmaid

When DH and I got married a few years ago, it truly was the best day of my life. Everything was perfect and all of the stress we’d been managing just melted away.

One of our persistent stressors was one of my bridesmaids. Laura was a total sweetheart and was also perhaps one of the most clueless people we’d ever encountered. Her husband was one of the groomsmen and the four of us were close. We figured that she would be a fun addition to the party and she was thrilled when we asked her.

I had four ladies in my party. One was tall and stocky. One was short and had very large hips. One was extremely small. And one would be breastfeeding and have given birth about six months before the wedding. The odds of finding one dress that everyone liked and could afford were small so I decided to just ask the ladies to wear little black cocktail dresses. As long as they were about knee length and not strapless or long sleeved, we were good.

MOH found an adorable dress on ETSY. BM1 found one on sale that she actually was able to wear again over the years as did BM2. And then there was Laura.

We went to visit Laura and her boyfriend one night and she excitedly showed me the things she had bought that day. Her purchases included a cute sundress. It was white with bright purple flowers on it and it was perfect for a summer day. Not for an elegant fall wedding with an evening reception like she intended. I tried to be diplomatic and I explained that her dress was adorable and that it would look gorgeous on her but that everyone else would be wearing little black dresses. She mock pouted and said that that’s what her boyfriend had told her too but that it didn’t hurt to check. It didn’t but I began to worry a little.

A few weeks before the wedding, Laura wanted to accompany me to my first dress fitting. We had a great time and decided to go for a drink afterwards (she had given birth and wasn’t breastfeeding). And then she told me about her second dress purchase.

It was black. It was knee length. And it was strapless.

Ok well we could throw a wrap on for photos. I wasn’t going to stress.

Oh and it didn’t fit at all.

She hadn’t tried it on in the store and she had bought the wrong size. The store wouldn’t let her exchange it because it had been on clearance. She was accusatory as she began telling a friend we ran into about it. She acted as if I was a bridezilla who was making her find a new dress when she already had this amazing sundress. (Did I mention that she was in her late thirties?)

I gave it a couple of days and then, the next time we went to visit, I offered to bring some dresses for her to borrow. I’ve been different sizes over the years and I’ve got a lot of little black dresses

She was pleased and she promised to try them on right away.

A week passed. And another. And another.

Two weeks before the wedding, she still hadn’t tried in a single dress. My other ladies were starting to get annoyed with her and her boyfriend was starting to fret (he’d been amazing with helping the guys sort the tuxes). She didn’t care. She was super excited about the wedding but she did not care about making sure a dress fit. And in the meantime, she had all of my dresses held hostage hahaha.

Two days to go and she still hadn’t tried on a dress. We were all annoyed at this point especially because she kept mentioning the stupid sundress.

She was an hour late the day of the wedding. No worries. I’d planned for that and we still had a good hour to finish getting ready. She had lucked out and was able to wear the newest of the dresses and it looked great!

She’d also had her hair done the day before and had slept on it. MOH was a hairdresser and she offered to touch it up. Laura rejected her offer and said that her hair was just fine. It wasn’t. Her sleek, long bob was all matted in one side. MOH tried again to offer and finally just told her to hold still because she was fixing things.

And the kicker? She liked the black dress so much that I let her keep it and the sundress was forgotten.

Laura is a great person. She’s kind and funny and she’s got a beautiful heart. She’s a good mother and partner. She just happens to be a terrible bridesmaid.   0406-17

{ 46 comments }
{ 46 comments… add one }
  • Aleko January 24, 2018, 8:21 am

    I beg to differ. Being ‘a terrible bridesmaid’ isn’t something separate from a person’s personality, in the way that being a bad speller or a clumsy dancer is. Laura accepted the responsibility of being a bridesmaid and then simply and persistently refused to comply with the (very easy) dress code; and even when by pure fluke the bride had managed to get her to the wedding in a suitable (free) dress, she did her best to refuse to allow her matted hair to be tidied? Something *very* strange was going on there.

    Laura’s BF’s behaviour is odd too. OP says he was “starting to fret” because she had been loaned a pile of dresses but three weeks later she hadn’t tried on a single one. If it (rightly) fretted him, why didn’t he just frog-march her into the bedroom and said ‘Come on, honey, you try on those dresses and I’ll help you with zipping up and tell they what suits you’? I can only think it was because he knew, consciously or not, that she would refuse and make a scene of some kind. Very weird dynamic altogether.

  • Zhaleh January 24, 2018, 10:05 am

    As soon as I read the phrase “it doesn’t hurt to ask”, I realized for the first time how much this irritates me.

    I’m not quite sure why though.

    In this instance it’s because this woman knew full well that wearing a white with purple flowers sundress while the other bridesmaids wore black would make her shine like the North Star.

    I’m not suggesting she wanted to steal the spotlight because OP stressed enough that this is a very nice woman.

    She just really fell in love with that sundress. But she knew it was silly, she did a fake pout (another thing I hate) and she must have had a thought deep down inside that the bride may not have had the ovaries to say no when she saw the lovely dress.

    And I’m guessing it did hurt a bit to ask. But it hurt the bride, not the maid with the sundress.

    Maybe that’s why I don’t like, “it doesn’t hurt to ask”, because I think it is often used when one is asking for something they’ve already been told would be against the preference of an organizer or friend or employer, whatever, so asking puts the other in the uncomfortable position of saying no after they’ve already given clear instructions.

    It doesn’t hurt to ask if you can have the omelette on the menu without green peppers instead of broccoli, but it does hurt to ask if there is an excerpt on the menu stating “no substitutions, please”.

    They’ve put the excerpt in so you won’t ask.

    Other than that, I’m glad OP had a nice wedding. She has so much more patience than I do!

    P.S. I know excerpt isn’t the write word. Please let me know what the correct way to phrase that would be if you can think of it.

    • Zhaleh January 24, 2018, 10:08 am

      Oh my! Write isn’t the right word either! And with green peppers not an omelette without green peppers instead of broccoli!

      I’m not done my coffee yet! I’ll get to work on that!

    • Miss Herring January 24, 2018, 7:00 pm

      Instead of excerpt:
      – memo
      – note
      – footnote
      – addendum
      – policy
      – statement
      – admonition
      – advisement

      I think “advisement” might be best, but I’m not sure.

    • Abby January 25, 2018, 8:06 am

      I completely agree. “It doesn’t hurt to ask” is generally a phrase used in conjunction with putting the person being asked the question completely on the spot, where they can either A. agree to something they’d really rather not, or B. tell the asker no, but feel awkward about it.

      “It doesn’t hurt to ask” comes across as kind of defensive, like the person asking knows this is something the person he or she is asking won’t *want* to say yes to, but may anyways if pressed. So, you’re basically exploiting someone’s discomfort to get what you want.

    • Gena January 25, 2018, 9:20 am

      I disagree with the phrase “it doesn’t hurt to ask”. If you are asking something that puts someone on the spot or makes them uncomfortable, then yes, it does. Something no reasonable person would think is normal. For example, if you and I are casual “work friends”, and I ask if I can be your maid of honor (because it doesn’t hurt to ask!), that is probably going to make you uncomfortable, and therefore is rude.

  • staceyizme January 24, 2018, 11:03 am

    OP, you come off as not-quite-able to “oh, well” this situation away. That’s okay! It should be really, really okay to be offended and annoyed that someone consistently fails to fulfill even the most rudimentary part of their part of the social contract. I also am doubtful of the whole “beautiful heart” thing if she can’t manage to show up on time, appropriately dressed and acceptably coiffed to a formal event where she isn’t a guest but a participant. I think you’re too nice and that you can toss the whole bit about making disclaimers as to her character and just let the facts speak for themselves. Her actions are beyond clueless, they are rude and might actually be a bit of sabotage. Don’t be too quick to overlook the actions of people who break the basic terms of these kinds of engagements (if you’ll pardon the pun). I’m now worried that you’re tolerating all sorts of social and professional scofflaws because they are “nice” otherwise. Please don’t. You don’t have to rope them in, except on rare occasions. But you should, no- I think you MUST be clear eyed about the impact such people can have on your own life and the lives of others who are left in the wake of their ill advised bad acts. And distance yourself proactively…

  • viviennebzb January 24, 2018, 11:27 am

    I applaud the OP for keeping Laura’s many positive traits uppermost in her mind during this experience, because, wow, did she ever test you! I’d think I’d have lost it by the time she was dithering around with the dresses 2 days beforehand. Sounds like you really know your friend and planned accordingly, and had a great wedding, with just an amusing anecdote about a character the only “snafu”. It was refreshing to read a story with such a reasonable perspective. Well played, OP.

  • Adelaide January 24, 2018, 12:35 pm

    I struggle with the OP’s sentiment that “Laura is a great person but a terrible bridesmaid,” because all of the negative character traits that Laura exhibited seem to be indicative of systemic behaviors rather than relegated to one wedding. I suspect that this is probably a case where OP’s opinion of Laura is that her negative character traits have always been outweighed by her positive ones.

  • Dee January 24, 2018, 1:04 pm

    I don’t know if she’s all that great a person, if she insists on arguing about things that shouldn’t be argued about and putting people on hold for long periods of time while she lingers on a decision. Nevertheless, if it’s important to have her in your life in the future, OP, then you need to set boundaries. In the case of your wedding, you should have required a decision by x date. The other bridesmaids could have made a date with Laura for a dress fitting (a dress rehearsal, if you will) a few weeks before the wedding, getting together at Laura’s house and helping her try on the borrowed dresses, choosing one and cementing that decision. As far as the hair goes, well, Laura liked it so that’s that. You can’t demand your bridesmaids look exactly as you want; they can be expected to wear the dress you choose but the rest is pretty much up to them. They’re people, not mannequins.

    I don’t see how Laura’s behaviour won’t cause a lot of stress in the future whenever there is a group activity that she needs to be prepared for. I don’t think she should get more chances to keep everyone waiting for her to get her act together; the next outing/get together, she should be given the time, place and what activity it is and if she isn’t there on time/prepared then leave her behind. She’ll either learn or she’ll not want to get together with you again. At least you’ll have that bandaid ripped off early, before many years of frustration and extreme accommodation go by.

  • kingsrings January 24, 2018, 1:13 pm

    It sounds like Laura is one of those people who thrives on being rebellious and saying no to what others want her to do. She gets some huge power trip off of acting that way. I wonder if she has a job, and if so, if she acts like that to her bosses?

  • Gena January 24, 2018, 3:10 pm

    I’ve been wondering why we still have bridesmaids. It seems that the majority of the wedding posts are complaining about the bridesmaids (or bridesmaids complaining about the bridezilla).

    • Pat January 24, 2018, 4:42 pm

      I’ve been wondering about that too. I didn’t have bridesmaids, just a maid of honor. Of course, you only hear the horror stories on a site like this. But really, what is the modern function? Seems more trouble than it’s worth.

    • Ange January 24, 2018, 7:49 pm

      We didn’t have any attendants for our wedding and it was wonderful. It wasn’t that my friends would have been terrible at it, I’m sure they would have been fine but I’ve never been comfortable with essentially ranking my friends and forcing them to do a bunch of stuff to celebrate me. If you’re my friend you’re my friend and I’m just grateful you’re happy for me, end of story. Aside from that it really did take a lot of stress out of planning and there were no hurt feelings to manage from any sides.

    • Dee January 25, 2018, 2:19 am

      I had four bridesmaids. They were my friends and siblings. I wanted them to join me in the party as we got married. They didn’t have to do anything but be there at the church and sit at the head table during the reception. I asked them to participate as an honour to me, not to do free work. The modern definition seems to often focus on what those attendants can do, physically and financially, for the bride or groom. In that case, it’s anything but an honour to be an attendant.

      • DancerDiva January 25, 2018, 10:21 pm

        Oh my goodness, yes! That’s exactly what I want! I asked two longtime friends to stand with me because they’re so special to me and they’re just the two people I would want by my side. I have a number of other friends who are closely related from a hobby, but there are too many to try and choose one or a few from the group, so I’m avoiding it altogether. One of my MOH’s is helping me pick out my dress because she’s amazing at that, but other than that, I’m not asking them to do a thing except be there.

    • Gizmo January 25, 2018, 6:27 am

      I got married in November and just had my brother as my Man-of-Honor, it was perfect. saw some pictures from an old acquaintance who was married last year and had 11 bridesmaids, and there were just about as many groomsmen too! Unreal

      • Ashley January 25, 2018, 8:02 am

        Gizmo – 11 bridesmaids!! I don’t even have 11 friends to stand up with me! There would be no one left to actually watch! I had 3, and even that I found was a lot when it came to coordinating stuff.

        • Gizmo January 28, 2018, 8:53 am

          I know!!! We only had about 35 people in total at the wedding so everything was on a smaller scale, but still! Craziness. I could tell you lots of stories about other things from that wedding I learned just from seeing their posts online (fund my vacation registry, they had about 10 different hashtags, etc)

  • Dawn January 24, 2018, 3:49 pm

    She sounds like an idiot.

    • Julie January 25, 2018, 10:50 pm

      lolololol nicely put, Dawn! I completely agree!

  • jokergirl129 January 24, 2018, 3:50 pm

    She may be a great person in other areas but Laura was just plain annoying during this whole Bridesmaid ordeal. It might not have been the most polite thing ever but while reading this I felt like someone should have taken her aside and firmly asked/told her to stop wasting time and to try on the black dresses to see which one would fit. Because throughout this whole thing she was just plain clueless.

    Buying a sundress when told to get a black dress, buying a strapless black dress (even though that part wasn’t too bad since OP mention it could be fixed) but the fact Laura didn’t even try it on before buying it and the dress being too small was annoying. And then waiting until the last minute to try any of the dresses OP gave her. Heck it sounded like she didn’t even try them all on and just grab one and was lucky that it fit. Laura going on about the sundress (which apparently didn’t matter too much in the end for her) the whole time. Sooner or later I probably would have just told her to stop going on about the sundress and that she needed to get/try on one of the black dresses.

    Sorry. I’m probably sounding rude about all of this but her behavior was just off putting.

    • Aleko January 25, 2018, 12:07 pm

      “Sooner or later I probably would have just told her to stop going on about the sundress and that she needed to get/try on one of the black dresses.”

      Sooner or later I would have said, ‘Laura, I get it that deep down you just don’t really want to do any of this. That’s totally fine, no problem at all! I’ve decided I’ll just have three bridesmaids, and you can come to my wedding as an ordinary guest, in your sundress or whatever else you want to wear.’ If that diagnosis is correct, everyone is off the hook and happy. If not, and Laura really does want to be a bridesmaid, it’s on her to prove it and get a suitable outfit if she wants to be let back on to the wedding party.

  • Hannah January 24, 2018, 3:51 pm

    I have a friend like this. She is a wonderful person, and a delight to be with, but she is just so clueless and flaky about some things. The moment you give her a responsibility or ask her to be practical… oh boy.

    • staceyizme January 24, 2018, 4:30 pm

      Hannah:
      Why do you suppose that is? I’m not asking rhetorically- I just can’t get my head around the whole idea of someone having exceptional character or sensitivity and yet be consistently remiss in things that are important to their family and friends. Special needs persons, I get. Memory lapses due to grief, stress, age or other factors, I get. But consistent lapses along these lines in otherwise functional and well regarded persons? It doesn’t make sense. Most of us manage to find time to do the things that are important to us. It reminds me of those who are consistently late. Or who consistently forget important appointments (or arrive unprepared for said appointment). I guess that it begs the question “why”, in my mind. No doubt we all have failings. When they impact other people, we suffer loss of social connection, professional opportunity and reputation. Is the “but they are so nice, otherwise” sentiment a long-term solution?

      • Celestia January 28, 2018, 5:34 pm

        I think there are questions of priorities. I know I’ve occasionally blown off something that was important to someone else, because it wasn’t important to me and they didn’t make it clear that it mattered to them. And it’s happened to me when I haven’t been clear about what my priorities are. A lot of people DON’T mind friends being late, or forgetting plans, or whatever else, especially in specific circumstances.

        Here’s one…I’m a terrible dresser. Formal fashion is exceedingly unimportant to me and I would rather host and go to events where everyone’s in PJ bottoms than ones where you have to wear heels. Unless told otherwise, it’s hard for me to default to the assumption that new acquaintances care about how I dress. So I might show up for a party in jeans, having never considered that when they say “party” they might mean something with a dress code because they enjoy the fancy atmosphere. If they don’t tell me they care, I’ll do it again (I don’t mind being dressed more casually than people around me). And now I’m being remiss in something that’s important to them.

    • Rebecca January 24, 2018, 10:42 pm

      I also know one. She is a great conversationalist and funny, but a nightmare to do anything with that requires practicality, group decisions, and punctuality. For example driving out somewhere for a walk in some trails in the park, and 10 minutes after passing the last bunch of cafes before the car park and the start of the walk (where she knows there are no amenities/places to buy food) will announce, “I didn’t really eat anything. Can we stop somewhere to buy food?” I mean, a woman in her 40’s who can’t figure out her food needs ahead of time and either eat beforehand, pack something from home, or at the very least ask to stop somewhere BEFORE we’ve passed the last of the cafes.

  • Katana January 24, 2018, 5:38 pm

    I think people like Laura are like this because people let them get away with it.

    • Zhaleh January 24, 2018, 8:02 pm

      Do you think most people are inherently inconsiderate and would display bad behaviour if they could get away with it, and good behaviour is only learned through discipline?

      There is a lot of people who believe that, are you one of them, even if I may not have worded it correctly?

      • Dee January 25, 2018, 2:41 pm

        Consequences teach people, if they are willing and able to learn. In the OP’s case, nobody let Laura have the consequences of her actions. Therefore, there was nothing for her to learn, except that others will bend themselves to accommodate her behaviour. If a person does not learn through consequences they either become dependent on others to cover for them – such as in the OP’s case – or they live a life of constant drama and problems. As a society, we are expected to help those who cannot learn from consequences and are equally responsible for not letting those who can, off the hook.

        If you can do better and you don’t then you are inconsiderate. If you can’t learn then you have a disability of some sort. It’s only through life experiences that the two are separated.

    • Ginny January 25, 2018, 3:37 am

      Yeah – dead on, there 🙂

  • kgg January 24, 2018, 7:02 pm

    OP, I feel your pain. I find myself justifying peoples’ bad behaviors towards me a lot by saying “But they’re such a good person!” I had a roommate in my graduate school for the first four months, and though she always was smiling and generally pleasant, I confused that with being a good person. She was clueless and rude: we were out to dinner once in a large group, for example, and someone mentioned a relative with schizophrenia who was on a certain medication, and my roommate said she didn’t believe in schizophrenia, and that it should be “prayed away.” And before we met, her grandfather had died of cancer. Soon after we met, my own father was diagnosed with cancer and promptly started chemotherapy (he ended up having a full recovery from the cancer though it was a bumpy road). She said, point-blank, that she believed chemotherapy didn’t work and it was just a way for oncologists to make money. Gee, thanks. I’ll just go cry in the corner now. STILL, I was nice to her, made sure she was included in group outings. It didn’t occur to me until much later that no one else liked her. I did have the foresight to NOT be her roommate EVER AGAIN. Thank goodness for that.

  • nora January 24, 2018, 9:50 pm

    One of my bridesmaids acted similarly in the run-up to my wedding. I had asked someone else to be my maid of honor, but the bridesmaid wanted to be matron of honor because she’s married. “Nope, M is my maid of honor. She’s already accepted.” Then she wanted her (difficult, poorly-behaved) toddler son to be my ring bearer. “We’re not going to have a ring bearer and anyway we have six nieces and nephews between us, so we’d choose among them for that role.” I gave my bridal party a very easy dress code (not quite black cocktail dresses but not far off), knowing that they all owned dresses that they could have worn already, and she threw a fit three days before the wedding, claiming that she had to buy a brand-new one and was upset at the cost. Before I bought their gifts (silver necklaces) I asked for and received written confirmation of allergies, but she decided an hour before the ceremony that she was allergic to hers and wore cheap gaudy garbage instead. All of the food at all of the parties was terrible (she said) and the servers at the reception were out to get her – everyone received identical cocktails to toast with but she said that hers tasted bad (another bridesmaid tasted it and said it was fine). I eventually realized that she’s not happy unless she’s the center of attention, and the only way she knows how to get attention is to be absolutely miserable, as loudly as possible. I’ve since written her out of my life. I have enough real stress to deal with.

  • Rebecca January 24, 2018, 10:50 pm

    Laura’s actions (or inaction more like) caused the OP added stress that she didn’t need, and that is not OK. The bride had enough to think about 2 days before the wedding without having to worry about whether Laura had a dress to wear yet. I do not think that was a nice thing to do. She had the dresses at her home and it takes less than 30 seconds to try one on. The least she could have done was try it on and not allow the bride to be stressing about it 2 days before the wedding. In fact, the temptation would have been to tell her, “Laura, I’m honored that you wanted to be in my wedding party but if you can’t confirm that one of those black dresses fits you by X date I’m afraid I am going t have to find someone else as I do need these details settled ahead of time.”

    Or even, “Laura, I’m sorry I put this responsibility on you as it seems you don’t really want to do this. ”

    OK, not sure if I’d have had the courage myself to say either of those things. But I am so mad on the OP’s behalf that she messed around like this. It’s almost like she WANTED to mess the OP around.

    • Dee January 25, 2018, 7:33 pm

      Yes, Rebecca, this is the answer that would have solved the OP’s problem. Laura’s actions clearly showed how little she intended to invest in being responsible as a bridesmaid, and OP should have taken that message to heart.

      I don’t see why OP couldn’t have said, to Laura, that it seems she (Laura) is very stressed and busy and how the added pressure of the bridesmaid role is too much, and how much OP apologizes for not recognizing how difficult it has been for Laura to meet these pressures; and so, OP is letting Laura off the hook and hopes that Laura can take the time to take care of herself, as she so clearly needs to do, instead of the OP and her wedding.

      And, with that, it makes OP look like she’s doing Laura a favour. If OP stuck to her guns and assumed the same tone throughout it would be difficult for Laura to find a way to argue with it. Laura gets sympathy from OP, attention for being so “stressed”, OP gets Laura out of the way, and everyone wins. And hopefully OP learns never to count on Laura for anything ever again.

  • EchoGirl January 25, 2018, 1:56 am

    Laura sounds like a real treat, but I have to say that this part:

    ” Her sleek, long bob was all matted in one side. MOH tried again to offer and finally just told her to hold still because she was fixing things.”

    Well…I’m not sure how I feel about that. I really don’t like when people touch me without my permission, and I’m especially sensitive about my hair (it tangles easily, and people, even professionals, tend to yank harder than they think when it’s someone else’s hair; there’s also the issues of breakage and “if you do that, it’ll be even worse later”, the latter being the bane of my existence with stylists). OP doesn’t say how close the bridal party was to each other, so while MOH was a close friend to OP, we don’t know that she had any real relationship with Laura. I wouldn’t want a stranger to just *tell* me they were fixing my hair whether I approved or not. Did no one even think of offering to let Laura do it herself first? Or telling her more forcefully “it’s really messed up” instead of just vaguely offering a touch-up?

    The rest, though, I grant OP. Laura really sounds like a piece of work.

    • staceyizme January 25, 2018, 11:33 am

      Normally, I agree with keeping your hands to yourself. However, this person stood out like a sore thumb for showing up all wrong. Wrong style of dress initially- twice. Sundress was inappropriate and the black dress had no sleeves. Wrong color of dress – patterned sundress she pouted about. Wrong size of dress she purchased- and then had to borrow one. Wrong attitude several times- pouted about sundress, accused bride of forcing her to incur hardship because she bought the dress on clearance and it couldn’t be returned, blase about how her hair impacted her overall appearance and also an hour late on the day of the wedding. The LEAST of this person’s difficulties is the MOB bringing some measure of order to her hair. At some point along the way (probably about the time that the sleeveless little black dress that didn’t fit anyway debacle), she should have been “voluntold” that she was now a guest because “whatever suitably polite generality can be inserted here…”

    • Angie in NM January 27, 2018, 1:15 am

      Laura was given more than one chance to fix her hair on her own. It looked terrible and after all her her other behavior, she obviously WANTED to stand out like a sore thumb one way or the other. After all the problems she caused, why should anyone care whether or not she was touchy about her hair?

  • Barbara Foster January 25, 2018, 10:17 am

    Laura may be a generally good person, but her behaviour here comes off as classically passive-aggressive. If I were to make a wild guess, I’d think she was a little jealous that you were going to get the attention of a wedding, while hers (I assume) was already done. That doesn’t make her a horrible person, but I really think there was a reason behind why she did what she did. Most people would know you have to brush your hair when you’re a bridesmaid!

  • Gena January 25, 2018, 2:48 pm

    No one I have ever heard of gets their hair fixed the day before the wedding and then sleeps on it.

  • Marozia January 26, 2018, 5:31 am

    Sounds like Laura was gunning to wear that stupid sundress and hoping OP would just give in.

  • Modofodo January 27, 2018, 5:07 pm

    Yup. Bridezilla indeed.
    A small person with an overinflated sense of self (bride).
    This kind of mentality is what I vowed to avoid during my wedding, thank god, since it can clearly keep you a prisoner to your own self-righteous indignation for years.

    OP might be funny and smart, and a great person, but she sounds like she was a shitty bride.
    And a crappier human to boot. My empathy lies with Laura, not this whiny bride.

    Play victim much OP?
    Carry grudges much OP?
    I kinda feel sorry for your hubby.

    • Michelle January 29, 2018, 12:50 pm

      This is way out of line. You can disagree with the OP without being egregiously unkind and saying such things as you feel sorry for her husband.

    • kgg January 29, 2018, 2:19 pm

      Um, what? When you agree to be a bridesmaid, there are a couple of things you have to do, including get an outfit that typically has to fit certain criteria determined by the bride. Putting it off, not complying, being an hour late for the wedding…that is being a poor friend. Calling her “a shitty bride” is going way, way too far. This frustrated her. The bridesmaid was frustrating. The bride is allowed to be frustrated. Saying you feel sorry for her husband because the bride had a natural reaction to a difficult person makes you a jerk.

  • AnonToday February 1, 2018, 5:58 am

    The OP stresses how wonderful Laura is says she’s simply a terrible bridesmaid to the point it makes me wonder if this behavior is out of character for her. The OP mentions Laura had just had a baby. Is it possible Laura was having some issues post partum? Be they emotional, mental, physical, or some combination of the three? When I got pregnant with my son my shape changed drastically (as is often the case during pregnancy). I’ve always been tall and rather shapeless so it was a serious shock. Knowing you’ll look different and having it actually happen overnight are two different things. Some women handle the pregnancy fine but freak when they don’t snap right back after the birth. It makes me wonder if this sundress was so beloved because of the way it made Laura feel while in it, and not for any other reason. Maybe Laura wasn’t looking to steal the show in a white floral sundress, maybe she was just hoping to not “stick out” as being “insert negative body criticism”.

    It wasn’t until I was back in my usual sheath dresses did I feel like myself after my son was born. I was back to my normal size 5 months out, but breastfeeding made my “normal” clothes impossible to wear. It’s a little thing to some, but for others clothing can really mean something. They can affect your sense of self. The feeling when I finally put on a “real” outfit was astounding. I was me again. Maybe Laura is just looking to feel like Laura again?

    • skv February 5, 2018, 9:44 am

      This is quite insightful. I was ready to write Laura off as a somewhat self involved attention seeker but you’ve made me think twice 🙂 Laura still behaved poorly but perhaps the reason are deeper than just cluelessness.

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