My mum, as much as I love her has major issues with inviting extra people to events these are some stand out issues.
1) On New Years Eve I throw a small dinner party which consists of my parents, my grandmother, my husband and my young son. This year I planned an exquisite Asian meal with some great flavours, I’d purchased some beautiful decor to set the mood and I was extremely excited to be throwing what I considered to be a classy event. I’d told my guests that the event started at 5 and everything seemed fine.
The day of the event rolls around and I’ve spent all morning cooking, baking and tediously filling home made profiteroles when I hear a knock on my door at 3:30. It’s my mum and my grandmother. My mother has come down to tell me that my sister’s hot water is leaking so she’s had to turn off her water and my sister, her partner and 4 kids will be going to my mum’s house for a shower. She told me that “it wouldn’t be fair” not to include my sister in my event as she might get to my mum’s house when they were at dinner. She also tells me that my event will now be at her house and if my sister can’t attend then my mother will not be attending. (I also know that if my mum doesn’t attend that means no one will be attending.) I tell her that I’m not moving my event and I didn’t plan for my sister’s family to be involved so therefore I don’t have enough food. She tells me it’s no problem and she’ll put some sausage rolls, party pies, and chicken nuggets in the oven so there is enough food to go around. Feeling no other option, I agree reluctantly.
With the help of my wonderful husband we manage to get plastic tables set up outside with plastic table cloths, and fold up chairs. (luckily it’s summer in Australia.) The event went well even with the oven baked food in amongst my gourmet feast and my sister’s partner cram profiteroles in his mouth and complain that they weren’t the same as the ones you get from the local supermarket so therefore I must have done something wrong. Next year I think I’ll be going out for dinner with my partner and son.
2) For Australia Day this year my parents invited my husband and son over for a small barbeque my mum told me that it would start at midday. I was explicitly told that we were the only ones invited and my parents did not want to invite my sister’s family so DO NOT TELL THEM. My mum requested I bring some side dishes for the meal and as an added treat I made my dad a vanilla slice, which I know is one of his favourite desserts. Upon arriving at my parent’s house at 11:30 it appears my sister and her family are there, so as we enter their house everyone has already HAD lunch. I give my dad the small pan of vanilla slice I made him and my sister’s gluttonous partner demands the pan so he can consume it himself. My husband, son and I are told to sit down and have lunch.
We sit down and start to eat what is left over and the side dishes we made but at that moment my mum gets up and starts clearing the table and moving the food back to the kitchen! While presenting my sister’s family with dessert, with my sister’s partner demanding the vanilla slice. I told him that the custard centre would need more time in refrigerator before it set.
Here we are a week later and I STILL can’t believe that my mum invited my sister as an afterthought but then treated my family like an afterthought.
My next event is my easter breakfast and I’m not sure that I’m going to be doing it this year at the risk of my sister’s family being a tag along invite. 0201-18
There seems to be an issue with your sister and her family attending family events. It’s obvious you didn’t want her at your New Year’s Day dinner and so you don’t invite her to a holiday party thus excluding her from the family. Months later your mom arranges a BBQ in such a way that the two sisters’ appearance “overlaps” which makes me wonder if this was a tactic to get two warring sisters together with a minimum of chaos and acrimony. My “spidey sense” tells me there is more to this story.
Yes, your sister’s partner is a pig. However, once you give that gift of food to your dad, it’s his to decide how to share…or not.