Hello, I’ve got a question on thank you notes. Growing up we weren’t expected to send thank you notes. I’m now 26 and trying to rectify that. I’m aware that after a wedding you should send thank you notes, but I was recently told by someone that past twenty one or so thank you notes are no longer necessary for gifts. Is this true? I’ve started sending them for birthday and Christmas gifts for more distant connections, like my step aunt for example. Often these gifts are gift cards and I was also informed you “never thank someone for a gift card with a card”. I’m second guessing this and I wondered what the consensus is? I’m enjoying writing out thank yous so I hope I’m not cast into the flames. 0111-18
Society has sunk to a new low when thank you notes are considered poor or unnecessary etiquette.
Here’s the scoop on thank you notes. They are always a “win” regardless of whether they are written to express gratitude for the receipt of a gift or a service/kindness done for you. Obviously wedding, shower, Christmas and birthday gifts should be recognized with a thank you note. The only caveat to this would be if the gift giver hands you the gift, you open it in their presence and then effusively thank that person for the gift. Christmas gifts opened on Christmas morning in front of the gift giver deserve a verbal thank you but no need for a written one. Same goes for birthday gifts.
If someone does a favor or kindness for you, a thank you note expressing gratitude for the time and thoughtfulness that person expended is very good manners. In business, it can advance your career.
But even if the thank you note recipient thinks notes are unnecessary and pointless, do them anyway and here is why. Just the action alone of writing a short note of appreciation and thankfulness puts you into a grateful state of mind where you assume nothing is owed to you and you appreciate it all. That is a WIN for you!