Hello! I am getting married next year and my fiancé and I want a small wedding. Unfortunately after family members and people we are obligated to invite the list has grown substantially. We are now at our max.
Over the past few months there have been situations that I do not know how to handle.
A parent of my brothers’ friend came over to our family home to pick up my brothers to take them to play with his sons. A little background first. While I like the parents of my brothers friends, I’ve only had a couple conversations with them. They don’t come over as a family for dinner and we have never been to their home for dinner either. The arrangement is usually that a parent drops their children off at the other parents house then picks them up later.
When the father came into the house to pick up my brothers he asked me when the big day was so that he could mark his calendar as he was eager to celebrate with us. I was shocked because I didn’t know how to say, “You’re not invited, so sorry.” I was touched and that he felt they would be part of our big day. However even people I really like and interact with regularly are not all on my guest list due to space and budget restrictions. I replied with the date and a thank you because I was caught of guard. I know it’s too late now to say anything and I’ll have to add 4 people to the maxed out list.
No, you do not need to add these people to your guest list. You are under no obligation to invite people who are rude enough to assume they would be invited. Often when people say these things, it can mean, “I’m awkward and don’t know what to say so I’ll express an interest in coming to your wedding when I really don’t.” It’s a stupid way of making conversation. These are the people that you invite out of some misplaced sense of obligation because they manipulated you into it and they never show up to the wedding.
You respond to these questions with a vague answer. “Oh, some time in May.” And if they are audacious enough to ask to be invited, you smile slightly and promptly change the subject.
In another instance an acquaintance congratulated me on my engagement and asked, “When is the wedding? I better be invited.” I laughed nervously and said “Of course.”
A wide eyed, silent stare of horror as if you had just met the most presumptuous, boorish person on the planet would be a good response. Some things don’t deserve an answer.
My question is, how do I respond in the future. I’m scared it will continue and I’ll have to elope. 0921-17
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