I have an etiquette question that I am hopeful our Dame Admin and you all, will help me address. DH’s youngest cousin “Kelly” is getting married to a lovely young man “Jim”, some distance away from our home town X and also from their residence, town Y, in Jim’s elderly parents’ home town, town Z. Town Z is several hours away from our home town X. The wedding is an outdoor, daytime ceremony with an indoor cocktail reception immediately following. DH and I are over the moon excited for cousin and cousin’s fiancé. We have just received the Save-the-Date card, which was addressed to my DH and me, as in “Bob and Jenny Smith”, not “Bob and Jenny Smith and Family”. However, the wedding is during the daytime, and there are children in the wedding party (Kelly’s nieces and nephews and Jim’s nieces and nephews). We are not vested into necessarily bringing our children, but if kids are not invited, we need to know sooner rather than later, so as to make appropriate childcare arrangements (DH’s parents will be attending the wedding, and my parents live out of state, necessitating making plans in advance, as DH and I will likely have to stay the night at the event and will not want to leave the children overnight with a babysitter who is not a grandparent).
Would it be rude to contact Kelly and Jim and outright ask them if the children are invited? If it would be acceptance, how should DH or I phrase the question so she does not feel pressured to invite them? Should DH call? Should I call? Or, should we just wait until the formal invitation comes and deal with it then? And how to ask so as not to offend Kelly and Jim?
Signed, Befuddled 0220-18
I would wait until the formal wedding invitation has been received. You don’t want to give the impression that you are fishing for the kids to be invited and once you receive the invite, you’ll know for certain whether your children are invited.