≡ Menu

Grandpa Is Not Invited

A bit of background……..

My relationship with my elder and only sister has, for most of our lives, been fraught with tension. I have always gotten the sense that she was perfectly happy being an only child, and the arrival of siblings caused her to declare a permanent war. We also have a brother – the middle child – who has also had his challenges with her, but he tends to pretty much go along to get along. Not a problem, really; at the risk of sounding clichéd, it is what it is. This is not a big deal, mind you. I have my own life, she/he have hers/his, and we are cordial when circumstances put us in the same place at the same time.

For the last four years, our elderly father has lived with my husband and me. The last of our four children is also still in residence. Sister was not pleased when this happened, as she likes to be in charge and considers herself not only a medical expert, but also the matriarch of the family. Brother chose to deal with the situation by absenting himself; this is typical behavior for him. Sister reacted by using outright hostility and nastiness; it was clear that she wished the living arrangements to fail, so that she could declare herself right. Whatever……..

In reality, things have worked out just fine. It hasn’t been easy (in fact, it’s been a real challenge, but one we are up to), but my dad has been wanted, well-cared for, and happy living with us and our family. Considering that he’s 91, he’s doing just fine and so are we.

Aforementioned Elder Sister has one child. In the family, said child has always been known as The Princess. She was raised to focus only on herself and to put her own needs and wishes ahead of anyone else’s. Again, at the risk of sounding repetitive, not a big deal; it is what it is.

Recently, The Princess remarried. (Anyone surprised that her first marriage ended? During the first marriage, she didn’t work, but was annoyed that her husband was too tired to do things………perhaps because he was working 80+ hours a week to keep her in a fancy house, designer clothing, plastic surgery and a Lexus?. Princess, I should mention, dropped out of college after one semester and is seemingly incapable of holding down a permanent job. When she and her husband split up, her mother jumped in and supported her. Again, not a problem – her choice.

However, The Princess met a new guy and started planning her second wedding. We wished her every happiness in this new relationship.

What was disturbing, however, was the guest list for the wedding. Prior to sending out invitations, Sister Dearest called me and informed me that our father (yes, the man who has lived here and whom my husband and I have cared for these last four years) was not invited to the wedding. Her reason? She wanted my husband and I to “enjoy ourselves and have a day out without Dad”. Huh? So I’m supposed to tell our father that he’s not invited to his granddaugher’s wedding?

My response was to RSVP as a “decline”. I used the excuse that I had promised our youngest daughter (22 and also not invited) a trip out of state to visit her older brother, his wife and her only niece (none of whom were invited) during the only time she was allowed to take a vacation from her new job. (True, incidentally.) Our oldest son and his live-in girlfriend WERE invited, but respectfully declined when they heard that other siblings and grandfather were excluded. We all sent lovely gifts, just fyi.

Please understand that there is no outward family hostility here……..in public and at other family occasions, we are all polite and cordial.

Guess I just wanted to share, to vent, and to ask………..does anyone else have a family this dysfunctional??? 0927-15


Comments on this entry are closed.

  • staceyizme April 16, 2018, 8:43 am

    Not sure I see the problem here. You have difficulties with one sibling in particular. Your descriptions could be a bit more charitable here and there, but so what? You’ve resolved every issue with some version of “reply politely…” (lather, rinse, repeat). Other families do have difficulties. Other siblings experience life very differently. The only thought-lette you might consider is whether you’re just a bit too blase in how you state things that really matter to you. That disconnect might serve you well when tensions are high, but might also cause you to tend to minimize your own or others’ emotional narrative/ experience.

    • PJ April 16, 2018, 9:33 am

      I agree with stacyizme.

      Your household and the adult children who came from it sound like a perfectly functional family. The others: not so much.

      You keep saying “no big deal” but the fact that you made this post makes me think it is a big deal. It’s OK for it to be a big deal! You didn’t the joy that many people have in their relationships with siblings because this sister is so self-centered. You probably felt like your own kids were slighted with your princess-niece in the mix (not to mention that it bugs most of us responsible adults when we see emotional-children in adult-bodies like that).

      (read this with a tone of compassion and no admonishment whatsoever): The “it is what it is” comment is good, but you’re coming across like your heart isn’t quite there yet.

      I’d want little to do with this sister, and only interact on an as-needed-to-care-for-dad basis. Just regard her as the distant family member that she made herself. No planned social engagements, just the coincidental run-ins at cousins’ weddings. Live a good life with the family that has actually behaved as a family towards you, and stop giving your sister any headspace.

      Best wishes to you, OP!

      • rindlrad April 16, 2018, 1:54 pm

        Agree. Those “no big deals” are going to become big deals at some point. Stop worrying about your Sister and her issues and live your life. If she doesn’t like it – so what? Your Dad is happy, you’re happy, your family is happy. If your Sister continues to be negative about your Father’s living arrangements, calmly and politely tell her the subject isn’t up for discussion (this is assuming that she doesn’t have some legal authority over your Dad/his money that requires you to discuss his affairs with her). If she continues to press the subject, immediately and politely terminate the conversation and hang up the phone / ask her to leave. No explanations. No arguments.

        FWIW, I think you handled the awkward situation with the wedding invitation politely and gracefully.

    • Doris April 16, 2018, 12:55 pm

      Sounding blase does not necessarily indicate a disconnect or suppressing/ignoring problems.

      Until I dealt with my family’s dysfunctional issues, it all confused and hurt too much to be able to speak about clearly. Once I started working on how it affected me, speaking of it was easier though sometimes bitter, hurt, angry, or some combination of those feelings. Now that I’ve worked through it all, I can sound completely matter-of-fact about it all. It happened, it greatly affected me, but it can’t be changed except for the impact on me. I can’t change what has happened; I can only change how I react to it now. I choose to accept it, not let it affect me any longer, and move on to a brighter, happier, healthier life. To me, OP seems to be in the same state of mind, not ignoring anyone’s (including her own) experience and issues with the past.

  • NostalgicGal April 16, 2018, 9:47 am

    I’m just hoping that if there is an inheritance to be had or any heirlooms; that that is all sorted out already and ironclad. I can see Sis trying to take over the funeral, the will, any inheritance, and any heirlooms out there. I’m not trying to be a downer but there may be a lot of pain and drama in the wings, hope you’re braced for it.

    Kudos that your father is loved and has a good home in his elder years. May he remain in good health and mind for a long time to come.

    • Agania April 17, 2018, 6:20 pm

      I came here to say exactly what Nostalgic Girl said. Make sure the will is sorted and water tight. The mind boggles at what may be in store when Dad finally pops his clogs.

    • Kathryn April 23, 2018, 11:34 pm

      This is a really good point. I hope your Dad has a will, has talked about it to you (and others) and named the executor of his estate. He should probably also talk about funeral arrangements. My DH’s grandmother planned and paid for her funeral a couple of years before she finally passed on.

  • Anonymous April 16, 2018, 10:03 am

    You handled the situation with your sister and niece politely, but I think you should talk to a professional instead of asking strangers on the Internet…..or, more accurately, in addition to asking strangers on the Internet. In any case, I’m a stranger on the Internet, and I think you should talk to a professional about this, because it sounds like you have a lot of resentment toward your sister and her daughter, and it’s got to make holidays, birthdays, and other special family times (like Sister’s wedding, in this case), pretty awkward.

  • Dyan April 16, 2018, 10:04 am

    I say good for you and your family…NOT to invite her grandfather who wont be around forever (I must be getting old and soft) to me is wrong.

  • jokergirl129 April 16, 2018, 10:33 am

    Don’t worry OP there are other families out there that are dysfunctional in one way or another. So you’re not the only one that has to deal with similar problems like this. But I also feel like the way your sister acts and treats you and your family does bother you and that’s okay. You’re perfectly in your right to not like how your sister behaves and no one would blame you if you wish you could have a better relationship with her. So far it sounds like your dealing with things the best you can and not adding to the drama which is good. But don’t feel like you have to pretend it doesn’t bother you. So it’s okay for you to vent a little here.

  • Aleko April 16, 2018, 10:45 am

    In your place I wouldn’t have given any excuse for declining, but simply said that my DH and I wouldn’t dream of going if my father wasn’t invited. I’d try to choke back anything along the lines of ‘It’s not for you to decide that we need a day out without Dad, still less that his granddaughter’s wedding is an appropriate occasion for one’, but I don’t know if I would succeed.

  • OP April 16, 2018, 11:00 am

    What staceyizme and PJ have said. It’s ok if your heart is not completely there yet as regards to acceptance of how sister and her daughter behave, and one possible way of moving towards acceptance is to live and let live. You handled the wedding invitation in a lovely and graceful way – you declined, you sent gifts and your best wishes, and you are moving on, or so you say. So, really truly, move on – Sister and Princess-Niece are not showing any indications of changing, so let’s assume that they are not going to change and continue to focus on your own, seemingly lovely family.

  • Michelle April 16, 2018, 11:06 am

    Grandpa was not invited, to his own granddaughter’s wedding, because your sister wanted you and your husband to have a “day without Dad”? Guess it’s just me and my suspicious mind because my first thought was she wanted to have a reason to have Dad move in with her and would use “they didn’t even bring him to the wedding because they wanted to have a day without him” or something similar.

    Not all families get along. Distance and minimal contact are the best ways to avoid familial conflict. It seems like it has been working for you and I say just continue doing what you have been doing. Some of us will never has the close, loving, supportive families we want because the dysfunction runs very deep, some people feed off the drama and do not want to do anything to try to resolve it.

    • BellyJean April 17, 2018, 8:41 am

      I didn’t even think of that – but that is a real possibility, especially considering how manipulative the sister is.

  • Dee April 16, 2018, 11:22 am

    I applaud you, OP, and your family, for your show of solidarity. You did the right thing. You’ll feel so much better being with your own family on the “big day” than celebrating at the wedding while members of your own family are excluded. I wish I had done the same when my kids were younger and they were never invited to family weddings; it just felt like a one-off thing, until, of course, the next invitation. The kids never got to know their relatives much because of the exclusions and it shows when they can’t even identify aunts, uncles and cousins at family reunions. And they were hurt that my husband and I were always invited to their cousins’ weddings but they were not – really, THEY are their cousins’ relatives well before I am. But when I finally stopped attending these events I felt so much better about it all. Like I said, I just wish I’d done it earlier.

    • Kate 2 April 17, 2018, 10:18 am

      Why couldn’t the kids have gotten to know people outside of weddings? Why is that the only time your family could get together? Even excluding seeing each other in person, what about letters, calls, emails, Skype, Facetime, etc! It seems to me it is not the fault of the people who didn’t want children at their weddings, if those children don’t know and can’t recognize their own relatives.

      • Dee April 17, 2018, 6:22 pm

        The only time this family gets together as a group is at weddings, funerals and the (sometimes) annual family reunion. Funerals are, fortunately, still rather rare and the family reunions don’t have introductions or ways of identifying who is who. That’s what weddings do. So, after all these years of not being part of those occasions where individuals, and their relation to the family, are introduced and identified, my kids don’t know who is who. I can explain it to them repeatedly but they don’t remember because they have no experience to link it to. These are just people they remember seeing before but they don’t know how they are related to them, and have few memories of these people speaking or relating stories. They’re essentially strangers.

  • Yuchin Robb April 16, 2018, 11:26 am

    I don’t see anything wrong with taking the face value to leave your 91 years old father home. You and your husband can attend the wedding to enjoy yourselves and your adult children shouldn’t have any troubles taking care of their elderly grandfather. Heck, perhaps, your elderly father would like ot have sometime at home by himself too.
    Look, this is the 2nd wedding for the Princess and Grandpa is 91 years old. The newly wed can easily stop by to visit Grandpa after all the hustles bustles of the wedding.
    And frankly, you are bitter and judgmental. How the princess ended her first marriage has nothing to do with whether Grandpa was invited to her 2nd wedding or not. Plus you don’t really live with them, how do you really how their life was like?
    Finally, I don’t think your family is particularly dysfunctional. You never have to 2nd mortgage your house to bail any relatives out, or have to vacate your couch to accommodate newly released family members. However, if you want to see through the lens to split hair, then yeah, your family is so dysfunctional.

    • jokergirl129 April 17, 2018, 6:14 pm

      It would be one thing if the father chose to not attend the wedding and was perfectly fine with the OP and her husband going without him. But the point was that he wasn’t even invited in the first place. Plus considering that the Sister was furious about their father living with OP and her family it wouldn’t be surprising if the whole “Oh he’s not invited because I thought you and your husband would like a break from taking care of him.” thing to be some sort of manipulation on her part.

      Besides just because it’s a 2nd wedding for Princess doesn’t mean that the father wouldn’t have wanted to gone. We don’t know how he would have felt about the whole thing.

      Why Princess’ first wedding failed might not have much to do with the father being invited it does paint a clearer picture on the type of person Princess is. OP mention how Princess was raised to only think about herself and to put her own wants and needs over everyone else. And that would explain some of the examples of why the first marriage failed. True OP doesn’t live with them but I wouldn’t be surprised if Princess and/or the Sister mentioned any of this before.

      I don’t know if OP is truly bitter or not but I wouldn’t blame her if she does even a little bit if she wanted to have a closer and better relationship with her older sister but the Sister’s attitude made that impossible to happen.

      A family can be dysfunctional without members having to go to jail or putting your house on a second mortgage to bail them out. Between the Sister wanting to be in charge of everything and being complete hostile and nasty to their father living with the OP (and frankly who knows maybe she reacted negatively to not getting her way before), a brother who either stays out of things completely or only goes along with the Sister to keep the peace, and Princess being raised to be a spoiled and selfish brat that probably caused issues over the years I say that stuff can make a dysfunctional family. It may not be hugely dysfunctional compared to some of the stories on here but it’s not exactly a completely happy family either.

      I say there are different levels of dysfunction between families and they don’t always include jail time.

  • Anon April 16, 2018, 11:30 am

    You might try justnofamily on reddit rather than here (I apologize if I’m not allowed to suggest other places!). You could vent there.

    It sounds like you’re doing fine. You don’t seem to be pushing them to do anything or breaking any etiquette.

  • pennywit April 16, 2018, 11:41 am

    I can’t help thinking that OP’s brother took the smart route here. Regardless of the merits of their respective positions, his two siblings seem to be very strong-willed individuals. If he’d rather than deal with that, IMO, it’s his right and a good choice.

  • Vic April 16, 2018, 11:44 am

    I know you didn’t ask for advice. But, since you did post your story, I’m going to go ahead and comment about it. I don’t understand why you didn’t tell the truth about why you weren’t going. You didn’t have to be nasty about it. But I think it would have been perfectly fine to say that going to your nieces wedding when her own grandfather, who lives with you, is excluded is cruel. So, you won’t be attending either. This isn’t spiteful. It’s what most people would do to avoid hurting their father. That’s just my two cents.

  • Victoria April 16, 2018, 12:49 pm

    Bird gotta fly, fish gotta swim, narc gotta narc.

  • Library Diva April 16, 2018, 1:15 pm

    As an aside, I actually feel sort of sorry for The Princess. She’s been raised to think that only her needs matter and that other people are there to make her happy, an attitude which will cause the most giving people among us to want nothing to do with her. She’s been set up to be an emotional vampire, and she’ll never be fulfilled. This is probably only the second of many weddings unless she changes. I hope she can, but I see a person who’s destined to be miserable and make everyone around her miserable, too.

    • jokergirl129 April 17, 2018, 6:17 pm

      I kind of agree with you there. The older sister really didn’t do Princess any favors by raising her like this and unless she wises up one day and changes for the better she is going to have a very difficult time.

  • Bea April 16, 2018, 3:02 pm

    Picking and choosing cousins seems not a big deal, you’re close to some and not others. However anyone who treated my father like that wouldn’t be getting any responses let alone a gift.

    The way your father was treated, like a burden, that’s not excusable and I wouldn’t shrug it off so casually and focus on the other stuff.

  • bambi_beth April 16, 2018, 3:54 pm

    I always read/thought that when you invite family to a wedding, you invite everyone at the same branch: as in, it’s inappropriate for one of LW’s children to be invited but not the others. The father/grandfather not being invited is rather beyond, to me, but it does seem like par for the course with this sibling. You’re not wrong with the “is-what-it-is,” and I know how hard it is to feel that when you say it, especially with caretaker responsibility feels on top of normal, reasonable personal feels.

    They say every family has one. Good luck with yours.

  • lkdrymom April 16, 2018, 4:55 pm

    Before I condemn your sister I would need more information. What kind of shape is your dad in? Would he enjoy the outing? Would he be capable of enjoying the outing? Is he close to the grand daughter getting married? I think I am bothered by her inviting your son but not your daughter.

    A few years back I was invited to a wedding a plane ride away. Relatives were upset with me because I refused to bring my father. He may have gone and had a great time. Or we could have gotten there and he could have taken one of his many trips to the ER over nothing. What would have happened n the day we needed to fly home and he was still in the ER (at his age they LOVE to keep him for days running tests only to find nothing).? I had to be back on that plane, with or without him.

    My son is getting married at a destination location. My father is now 91 and I am not bringing him. If we do something local I will try to include him but that will also mean hiring a ‘sitter’ for him for the exact reason your sister said…..so I could enjoy myself for the day.

    I think you handled it well. You declined. End of story.

    • staceyizme April 17, 2018, 11:16 am

      If your father is at an age where you do indeed have to “bring” him instead of him being able to decide and arrange things for himself, then I agree that YOU get to decide which outings are reasonable for him to attend. The only caveat is that all such decisions should include a measure of feeling in the calculus, both of the father and the caretaker. It would be nice if you and other family members were able to schedule smaller “replacement” events for those he misses, such as a meal out with the new couple or some such.

  • sensibletwo@gmail.com April 16, 2018, 5:30 pm

    OP here, with thanks for the feedback and a bit of clarification. My real question was buried in too much detail and is actually this: Who on earth would exclude a grandparent, especially a good and loving one (didn’t include that either) from a family wedding, especially when family members with whom he resides were invited? Didn’t love the fact that some of our kids were included and some weren’t, but a grandparent? Really? Just. NOT. Right.

    • OldMom April 17, 2018, 6:44 am

      Is there a rule that all adults in a household must be invited, if one is? If so, I have not heard it. I have heard of the rule that both members of an established couple should be invited, if one is, and by name (not a plus-one generic.) But frankly I don’t see why the grandfather had to be invited, if it was a smallish wedding and not all relatives were invited. Would grandpa even want to go? If I were him I’d have a been there, done that attitude. Is it possible that sister does have an idea of how hard it is to care for grandpa and she really did want to give you a day without caregiving? I can see me, perhaps awkwardly, expressing a similar sentiment toward a friend with overwhelming child responsibilities while explaining why her children were not included in an invitation. I think you did all the right things etiquette wise declining the invitation and sending gifts. You are taking offense to something I see as inoffensive (lack of invitation for someone else) and then getting your knickers in a twist about the wedding of a person you don’t even like. If I were you I’d be happy for the handy excuse to decline (“sorry but we need to stay home with Grandpa”) and I would not have sent any gifts.
      You ask “who on earth would exclude a grandparent?” And I suggest… someone having a small wedding, someone having an outdoor wedding or other venue with difficult to walk on surfaces, someone having a second wedding where grandpa already came to the first one, someone who is not particularly close to grandpa, someone marrying someone of an ethnicity race or gender that grandpa might not approve of, someone who doesn’t care what their disapproving auntie thinks, someone who doesn’t appreciate how rare is it to gave a living grandparent when they are old enough to get married for the second time, someone who thinks it might be a hardship for grandpa to travel…. so many many possible reasons and most of them are not about an intentional rudeness to you and your family. Nobody owes you, your father or your children, an invitation to their wedding. Conversely you don’t owe them attendance even if invited. So nobody did anything rude here that I can see and your knickers are twisted for nothing. As always, imho.

    • Katie April 17, 2018, 8:12 am

      I disagree. I know friends and family members that have excluded very loving but elderly parents and grandparents from weddings, especially second marriages. It is not to be cruel but instead gives their caretakers a chance to enjoy the wedding themselves when they normally they would not be able to. Did you say that you would rather he be invited than to enjoy a day without him? Instead of talking about the real reason you were not attending, you lied and never gave her a chance to correct the situation. Maybe if you had just said you didn’t need a day away from him, she would have said it would be great for him to attend.

    • BellyJean April 17, 2018, 8:43 am

      Props to you for staying with your Dad. I’m glad that you stuck by your decision, and that you know what you did was the right thing. *high fives OP*

    • Melissa April 17, 2018, 8:44 am

      The answer to that question is: a very rude person! I think a lot of people are focusing on the negative things that were written about your sister and Princess and addressing that instead of looking at the etiquette involved. The thing is, if you don’t give examples of their behavior, we have nothing to go on, and if you do give examples, the people in the comments nit pick what you choose to highlight, so you kind of can’t win no matter what!

      The heart of the matter is that your niece chose not to invite her grandfather to her wedding, even though she invited the family he lives with (you and your spouse). Whether your father would be able to go or want to go or be happy having some time on his own, that’s not really the point. The only way it would be acceptable not to invite him would be if they weren’t inviting you (the family he lives with) either, or they were estranged (ie Princess or Sister had given him the Cut Direct, or something close to it). The cousin issue is a little more understandable, IF Princess is much closer to one sibling than the other. I do agree with previous posters that I wish you’d been honest about your reason for declining, but I can understand the desire to take the path of least resistance, or to be a little unsure about how hard to put your foot down when everything is fresh. It’s easy to read the story now and say “I would have done/said xxx, yyy, and zzz”.

      The answer to your other question is: yes, families are this dysfunctional and way more! Just keep reading here 🙂 I used to think I had a dysfunctional family but after reading e-hell for a while, I’ve realized we don’t even come close to winning the prize, and you’ll see that your family really isn’t so bad either!

    • VickyJoJo April 17, 2018, 11:24 am

      I agree. I think it is horrible to not invite the grandfather to the wedding. But I have to ask – what kind of health is your father in. Some 91 year olds are very mobile and active while others are not. Is her concern based on his health rather than you being able to enjoy? I also think it is strange to invite some siblings but not others – just rude.

      What I am not understanding is why your sister has so much anger towards you having him live there? What is her concern and why does she want to have the living situation fail? Did she want him to live with her and he chose instead to live with you and that is ultimately why she did not invite him?

  • Angela April 16, 2018, 7:10 pm

    Think of it less as not going to a wedding, and more of dodging a bullet.

  • Julie April 16, 2018, 7:10 pm

    It really sounds like OP just wanted to vent. She handled everything reasonably well. I agree that she is still reeling from this elder sister’s nastiness. I think she would do well to imitate her brother and just make herself absent as much as possible.

  • Lori April 17, 2018, 7:56 am

    My thought? “Princess” and her mom were only inviting people who could bring gifts, to offset the cost of feeding them at the reception…
    Grandpa and niece living at home with the OP would have been included on OP’s invitation, so there’s 4 people to feed and only 1 gift **gasp** horrors for ‘gimme pig’ bride! Brother and his wife are on a separate invitation, so only 2 people to feed.
    OP, you did the right thing by declining, but I agree with others…stop letting your sister bug you…she’s not going to change this late in life.

  • Girlie April 17, 2018, 12:59 pm

    I don’t get the impression that the OP is bitter, resentful, or still “reeling,” but it could because I have similar issues with my own family.

    To be honest, I don’t know that this post belongs on THIS website, as I think the OP did everything right, etiquette-wise. To answer the question, though – yes, other people DO have the same sort of dysfunction in their families. Were I so inclined, I could go on for days about my sister-in-law’s passive-aggressive behavior, my brother’s compulsive lying, my sister’s inability to make or keep plans, my mother-in-law’s habit of judging how much someone cares about her by how much money they spend…. But I won’t. Those things are true, and I have countless examples, but it would do me little good to write about them here, and it certainly isn’t going SOLVE any of the problems at hand.

    Sometimes, though, when you’re already stressed out or worried about something else (or when you see some other innocent family member be hurt by their behavior), it can make you feel frustrated, and you DO need to vent. I hope you feel better, now, OP.

  • Semperviren April 17, 2018, 4:07 pm

    If your father is sentient, it seems to me this put you in a rather awkward position. I gather Sis did not call your father to let him know he was not invited or explain her thinking which would leave YOU holding the bag, wouldn’t it? So you not only get to do her dirty work of explaining to your father that he’s not invited to his granddaughter’s wedding, you’re then supposed to go skipping off to it without him?

  • Jane April 18, 2018, 7:23 pm

    I wonder why you found it important to tell us about how your neice’s first marriage failed? You keep saying it is what it is, and that things are no big deal, but the way you talk about your sister’s family paints a different picture of your feelings.

  • LizaJane April 19, 2018, 4:33 pm

    Everything aside (Pita sister, spoiled neice, failed marriage blah blah blah)
    Grandpa should have received an invitation. Period. He AND the grown daughter should have received their own invitations separate from the OP’s and her husband ( if the daughter was to be invited).

    If the OP hadn’t given so much background and only explained that the live-in Grandpa wasn’t invited at all, most everyone on here would be aghast.

    Pretend you don’t know all the extraneous information and re-consider this purely from an etiquette standpoint. I say the sister was wrong.

  • bopper May 1, 2018, 3:20 pm

    One never knows true motives…

    Is it that grandpa is not physically up to going to a wedding so it would be too much for him?
    Is it that grandpa would take attention away from the princess as you would need to focus on him?
    Is it that Sis/Princess wants to stir up drama?
    Is it that Grandpa is toxic and can’t be trusted not to stir up drama?
    Is it that Grandpa knows princesses true colors and princess is avoiding him?
    Is it that Grandpa doesn’t fit into her picture perfect wedding?
    Is it that Grandpa would not give a big gift so why pay for his dinner?