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Wedding Wednesday – Titanic Bride Revisited

The story below was submitted to EHell in 2003 and published shortly thereafter. It can be found in the Archives (linked above) in the 2003 Faux Pas of The Year category. It has become a favorite of many of the forum members who have asked for it to be resurrected on the blog.  I cannot verify its veracity. It’s written like a fiction novel and people have enjoyed writing equally creative sequels. For your reading pleasure:

 

My story is one that could not have gotten any worse. It’s long and worth the read. You’ll see.

My cousin was to be married in September of 2000. She announced her engagement to a man I will call William. What a surprise! He is an ex of mine. We parted on good terms since we realized we had grown to be basically friends, and over the years lost touch.

Jennifer has always been greedy beyond all reason. She broke up with a boyfriend in high school because he could not afford to buy her a-get this-Corvette convertible at 16. Since then, she somehow made herself desirable by being so “selective” in her choice of boyfriends, and let it be known her sexual prowess in bed was something to envy. All before age 18. One of her criteria was that any boy who wanted to date her had to “bid” for her with a preselected gift. Always something expensive. Her first selection was a particular ring she wanted, a one-carat diamond. Whoever wanted to date her had to buy it for her. We live in a fairly rich town, okay, very rich, so it wasn’t long before one young man decided to “buy” her. Now why her parents didn’t object came up only recently-if she married rich, she would be able to support them.

This continued for several years. She even got a house from a past boyfriend while in college, a “mini”-mansion. Over 8,000sqft. The boyfriend tried suing for it back, but the judge said that it was a gift, plain and simple. She reminds me of a courtesan in the olden days, where it was a thing of prestige to bed a certain lady, often at a very substantial cost. That’s Jennifer. In our small, rich town, it’s known that those who can be with her have money, and who doesn’t like to show that off?

Anyway, back to her engagement.

William designed something, which I will leave unknown because he is a good person and I don’t want him embarrassed (and it’s nothing technological either), and made millions. He had left town before her “transformation” and met her while he was on a vacation to Italy. Fate. I’ll get to the meaning of that later, and how I know these details. She “charmed” him, and he proposed before his visit to Milan was over. It was an extended trip, and she was on it with another boyfriend, who was trying to “win” his way into her panties. She had not had sex with him, but did with William. Within the month she claimed to be pregnant, and he is too much of a man than to run or question his obligations. So he did what he felt best-proposed. They left Italy together soon after that.

(Side note-she brags about how she did not let her other boyfriend know she had left, and how the poor thing was frantic trying to find her.)

We are at June 2000 now, and they decide to marry before the baby is born. They decide on September.

When I first saw William again, before I knew of his fortune, something sparked in me, but he was my cousin’s fiancé. And it pained me that he was going to marry someone like her. But she is my cousin, and he is someone I once loved.

She told everyone that she wanted a Titanic wedding, complete with the final dress, the Heaven dress, as her wedding dress, which she expected her talented sister to make for her, and guests in Titanic fashions, held on a ship in the Atlantic. A private ship crossing the Atlantic. She wanted a replay on the movie basically. And all guests were to wear Edwardian clothing ONLY. William was at a loss, but did not want his child to grow up in a home with one parents and the other on visitations only,as he had growing up. She wanted him to finance it, but for her parents to contribute at least $50,000, “like good parents should.” I don’t know what her parents were thinking at this point. But they mortgaged their house with the intent of filing bankruptcy and living off their son-in-law. Jenn made clear that she expected large gifts.

So plans started underway, and William had little choice but to pay the accommodations and transportation for over 200 people. When he tried telling her he wanted to offer to help she had a fit, saying any money guests had to spend on that is less that they’ll spend on a gift. So he relented, to calm her down as he did not want harm to come to his baby. We were all still expected to furnish period-correct garb, no matter the cost.

And she pretty much forced me into being in charge of the correctness.

But wait-the bad stuff hasn’t even come yet. Here is the true beginning.

At the beginning of September she picked her bridesmaids, and told her sister to add those dresses to the “order,” but the order one Heaven dress and four of the dress called the Dinner dress was too much, and Lilly had to ask her design school friends to help, who did so for their friend. Lilly paid for the materials as her gift to her sister. I was one of maids. Her maid of honor. I had the honor of being terrorized. I planned her bridal shower, as elaborate as my budget could afford. I spent more than I could truly afford because she pulled her old trick-having a fit and causing concern for the baby. I did not want the child to suffer for this, so I complied.

She requested a copy of the guest list, most of which she gave me to begin with. I just added relatives. She went through the list without telling me and sent follow-up cards, disinviting some people, and assigning gifts for the rest to buy. Yes, assigning them!

At the shower, she was angry because it wasn’t elaborate enough and the food wasn’t exactly what she hoped, even though she gave no input, saying it was my work. She sulked around, insulting people for not wearing period clothes, which I did not plan on. These poor people would be wearing them on the ship! When she opened her gifts, she started throwing things because some of the guests deviated from the “assigned” gift to what they could afford. She stalked out of the hall and broke a window on her way to hailing a cab, leaving many gifts unopened and all the guests in shock. We recovered and gathered the gifts up, the shower ending earlier than planned. Among things unopened were a crib from Little Miss Liberty of Beverly Hills our grandmother bought (those things are more than the typical monthly salary!) and crystal. We took everything to her home, and were lucky the housekeeper was there, or maid as she says and William hired and pays for. She we left the gifts in the front hall. The next day I drove over to see if she was okay. But I did not stop. All the gifts were shattered and broken on the lawn.

About an eighth of the guest list backed out, the rest hanging on for the cruise we were assured. The remaining time before we left she bossed everyone around, costing her several friendships.

Once in England, we were to be there one night before departing for the ship the next day. However she was already there as planned. In that time she found new dresses she wanted everyone to wear. And she expected us to foot the bills. Like we had money to spare after our wardrobes for the trip. I ran out of the hotel room so hurt and cried and tried to get lost so she couldn’t find me. At the elevator, I nearly hyperventilated. The doors opened and there stood….William.

I tried brushing away my tears. I couldn’t let him see me crying. We’d talked briefly here and there the last couple of months, and I still had feeling for him, which I doubted he returned. But he looked as haggard as I. He asked if I wanted to go to the courtyard and take a breather, and of course I did.

For several minutes we just sat in silence. He spoke first, and began spilling how he did not want to marry her, but his child needed a two parent household. The conversation turned over the next couple of hours to several topics. He said he’d buy the dresses since everyone was already out so much, and since he could afford it it was the least he could do, and asked the store name. But the way he looked at me told me he still felt something for me. I jumped up, stated the name, and ran back to the elevator, up to my room.

At about six that evening, my roommate and I were napping, exhausted from the redeye. But there was a knock that woke me up. It was him. He had gone to the store and asked to buy the dresses on hold for the X party, and he was delivering them. My roomie cried out of relief. She just couldn’t afford another dress.

The next morning we boarded the ship and were given cards with our staterooms on them. The bridesmaids, myself included, were actually given rooms made over to look like maids’ quarters on Titanic. With as little space as well. The guests, with few exceptions, were placed in “second-class” and “steerage,” depending on how much she liked everybody. The wedding was the next night. The current night was the rehearsal.

The rehearsal was actually fun, and went as one should. She wore the Jump dress and I wore a fashion I’d seen on a website of old fashions. Some of the guests were dressed more period than others, but only those in the first-class and “servants” quarters were allowed this night. The rest ate in respective dining rooms. The night drew to a close and I thought the good would come, if tonight were an indicator. How very wrong I was.

The next morning dawned bright and early. I was not the only one with the idea to walk to deck to watch the sunrise. Jennifer slept until just a couple of hours before the ceremony, which was fine with all of us. We played old games and talked, and in general acted like we were in 1912. Until Jennifer woke up.

We knew she had when she stormed out of her stateroom and onto the deck, looking for her sister. She began screaming at her, as she had decided only a week or so before that she wanted her dress to be Swarovski crystal, not the glass beads her sister bought. She screeched on about her sister ruining her wedding day and that she is out of the party, and invited the first woman she was to replace her. Lilly ran off in tears, the rest of us again in shock. How I wished William could see this and avoid the biggest mistake of his life. She snapped at me to get inside and help her dress. I followed, swearing that after this was over I was disowning her (which I did).

She began on how the ship wasn’t big enough, and her shoes too plain, etc. Nothing satisfied her. Her greed had reached such a peak that nothing would do. I did her hair, hoping to have time to do my own, and set her Swarovski tiara on her head (she loves Swarovski). Not good enough. She swept her hands through it, knocking the tiara to the floor. I tried again, still not good enough. She yelled at me to get out and get her mother. I only hope her mother was spared the yelling.

The next time I saw her I was dressed and outside the doors while waiting for her to get there so the ceremony could start. She arrived, and I will admit she looked gorgeous, and at ease finally. He mom whispered into my ear the words Sleeping pill in her drink. YES! Maybe she’d be calm now! Jenn was drowsy and the wedding was a replay of the rehearsal, lovely.

Comment from Miss Jeanne: Regardless of how badly someone is behaving, giving them a “mickie” to drug them is highly unethical, dangerous and probably illegal.

But the reception……

The medication wore off and she began swearing like never before, at her new husband, us, the band. She had such a sinister look on her face as I’d never seen. I went to the deck to take some air, where there were several others, her husband as well. I stood by him and he told me the cost of this affair (I nearly fainted) and how he wishes he had never met her, because he could tell he’d be miserable. But his concern was, as always, his baby. We who were out there remained for some time, and regretted going back.

In the meager half hour she was drunk off her rocker, standing by the cake, with a bottle of whisky almost gone. William and I, as well as several others, ran to get. She was about to fall on the cake. William was in disbelief, and asked her why she would hurt the baby. Here’s the worst of it. She responded, hiccupping:

“There never was a baby. I just wanted a rich hot guy to marry me.”

I don’t know which went through me first or harder-that he will probably divorce her and I could pursue him, or how hurt he must be. Then she turned on me, calling me a whore, that she saw us from her room in the courtyard talking and how I couldn’t have him. The band stopped playing, the guests stood in the usual shock. Nothing should have surprised us by now. But something did. She threw her arm through the cake and started to fall. No one caught her, but she did bellow. Then William….laughed. Laughed!

And exclaimed his intent to get this marriage annulled, how relieved he was, and let is all come out about how he only married her for the baby. She tried biting back about getting money from him, but not so fast. They aren’t from a community property state. But this story has a good end.

William swept me up in a circle and planted one on my forehead. When Jennifer came to being sober the next morning, she felt like the biggest bacon-fed knave, so embarrassed she stayed in her room the rest of the trip, refusing to see anyone but her mom.

The annulment was filed within days, and granted quickly. Jennifer went to stay with her grandma some states away, leaving William to pursue me, or me him. We were married ourselves in April. In a normalish wedding with a Titanic undertheme (who says she’s the only one who loves Titanic?) in which guests could dress as they’d like. But did their old clothing ever come in handy! She was sent an invitation. But her grandma (this is the one we do not share through our moms, who are sisters) sent a short letter with a small gift saying Jennifer has shamed herself into the ground, is truly expecting now without knowing the father, and that she declined.

Fauxpas0729-03

{ 59 comments }
{ 59 comments… add one }
  • lkb May 30, 2018, 5:07 am

    Somehow I had it in my head that the infamous “Titanic wedding story” was the one where the mother-in-law to be offered to make the bridesmaids’ dresses then never updated and only did the big reveal the day before, leading to a massive entire-wedding-party raid on the local mall. I think I enjoyed that one a bit better — not as over the top.

    • Meegs May 30, 2018, 8:13 am

      Yes, that was a good one too! If I remember correctly there were even some photos of the disastrous dresses and they were indeed perfectly horrid!

      • admin May 30, 2018, 10:11 am

        The writer of that story asked me to remove it years ago because her husband found about it and wasn’t happy.

        • Livvy17 May 30, 2018, 11:27 am

          Too bad! That’s the story I thought I’d be reading too – it was so funny, especially the photos of the dress that was actually produced.

          • CreamyCoolness June 4, 2018, 1:28 am

            Awe nuts. I was looking for that story. I read the entire archives every couple years.

    • Michelle May 30, 2018, 8:29 am

      I was thinking the same, lkb. That story had a picture of the dress, I believe, and was just bad enough to be believable.

      As entertaining as this story is, I have to say I think it’s a work of fiction. As soon as the pregnancy was mentioned, my brain went “fake pregnancy, trap, run William!”. Of course I have been wrong.

    • Lyn Clements May 30, 2018, 8:55 am

      me too!

    • Victoria May 30, 2018, 9:14 am

      I was hoping for that one as well.

    • many bells down May 30, 2018, 9:14 am

      That’s what I thought too! I don’t even remember this one. I did love that dress story though.

    • roseyv May 31, 2018, 4:07 pm

      I assumed that too! But I do remember this one too, because it was so clearly somebody’s adolescent fantasy.

    • Angela June 2, 2018, 10:09 pm

      That was a good one. If I remember correctly, there was an update to the effect that some time had gone by and no one had spoken of the dress incident.

  • kgg May 30, 2018, 6:46 am

    Oh my goodness, are you doing a run of the classics? If so, could I request that you put up this thank you note: http://www.etiquettehell.com/content/eh_wedding/thankynotes/enotesfhell2005-1arc.shtml (the one about the baby shower). I am obsessed with it.

    I remember reading this Titanic one back when I was about 23 or 24 and I had found the archives . I’m trying to remember where in it did I start to suspect that it was someone’s wishful thinking. I *think* it’s when she started talking about having a ship for the wedding. Up until that point I was trying to figure out what town they lived in that was “very rich” but where someone could buy an 8,000 sq ft mansion as a “bid” for a lover interest. I think I assumed Greenwich, Connecticut for some reason (no idea why except maybe it’s full of rich people?). When she mentioned that Jennifer wanted her parents to contribute “at least $50,000” to the wedding – and filed for bankruptcy to do so – all I could think was, “I thought everyone was rich in their rich town.”

    The period garb was another red flag. The picture painted of Jennifer is that she is super shallow and only cares about gifts and money – the idea that she wants her guests to wear Edwardian clothes seems more of a Titanic fangirl type of thing, and it is made clear in this submission that Jennifer is only a fan of herself. Also…no. There’s no way 200 people are going to get together enough Edwardian outfits for a several-day trans-Atlantic trip unless the whole production is spearheaded by James Cameron.

    And I’m pretty sure when she started naming the dresses the Dinner dress and the Heaven dress I was all, “Wait a minute…” And then with the Little Miss Liberty crib from Beverly Hills – so specific – that costs “more than the typical monthly salary” I thought, “Hold on…”

    And the romance novel portion with William – poor (rich) noble William, clearly miserable about marrying Jennifer but doing the best for his unborn child, buying all the dresses and paying for everything while obviously still pining for the author of this tale, sweeping her up in a circle and planting one of her forehead while dastardly unpregnant Jennifer got her comeuppance…I’m almost positive that’s the point I realized this submission was fantasy.

    And then the coda…Jennifer, she of the 8,000 sq ft free house packed with diamond rings from would-be suitors, a convertible parked in the no doubt multi- car garage…lives with her other grandmother now, poor and pregnant without knowing who the father is. (Call Maury Povich?) I guess the author had to make her pay, somehow.

    But the Titanic “undertheme” is the absolute best part of this. Yes, yes…let’s us serious people get married using a sinking ship as our blueprint.

    • Michelle May 30, 2018, 10:34 am

      “Call Maury Povich?”- haha. Good ole Maury will help you Jennifer!

    • Lisa May 30, 2018, 12:57 pm

      Ack, the baby shower thank-you story!

      “Thanks for the gift. We were sorry you couldn’t come because your dog died but hopefully you can make it up to us by coming over to oooh and aaah over the nursery.”

      • kgg May 30, 2018, 7:12 pm

        My fave part is the “Your generosity is noted.”

      • Kirsten May 31, 2018, 3:03 am

        I love how she insists the shower wasn’t a gift grab while making it clear it was. As they all are.

    • Queen of the Weezils June 1, 2018, 8:37 am

      Fact or fiction – probably a mix – it was still a hell of a read! I LOL’d.

    • NicoleK June 3, 2018, 12:13 am

      Yes, I too have a hard time believing this is real.

      Paying for 200 guests to cross the Atlantic is something billionaires can easily afford, millionaires not as much. And compared to the cost of the wedding described, 50k is peanuts.

      If it is real, the LW is super creepy for stealing her boyfriend, kissing him at the reception, and then using the same wedding theme.

  • KEMcL May 30, 2018, 7:09 am

    I have always had serious doubts that this letter portrayed real events (I have been through the archives NUMEROUS times over the years).

    Jennifer is portrayed as irredeemably evil incarnate. In stark contrast, both William & the letter writer are depicted as noble, self-sacrificing, (almost) star-crossed lovers. This is the stuff of a badly written Harlequin Romance (Trust me, I read plenty of them before moving on to other genres).

    If nothing else, I do know people who are ALMOST as self-serving & entitled as Jennifer was described, and without fail, such individuals know how to play their audience. Such individual’s would NEVER blow their hand, drunk or not, before being assured of the prize (Half of William’s fortune in a divorce, rather than nothing in an annulment).

    Still, it WAS entertaining. 😉

    • Vermin8 May 30, 2018, 2:24 pm

      My vote is “fake.”

      BTW, had the marriage survived consummation, the bride would only be entitled to half of marital earnings, which is what is earned AFTER the marriage. So even if she had waited long enough for him to have to know she wasn’t pregnant (max nine months, by which time she should have had the baby), he still wouldn’t have had to pay that much.
      I suppose that’s another tip off that it’s fake – planning a wedding of this scope would take long enough so that those involved would have been suspicious that she was not showing.

      • Kelly Taylor May 30, 2018, 11:09 pm

        That was my point of contention. Supposedly it was Jenn’s first trimester, and they managed to get an entire cruise ship fitted out for a Titanic wedding? That would take months to do, no matter how wealthy you are.

      • keloe May 31, 2018, 9:05 am

        Internet in 2000 wasn’t what it is now, but I’m still sure that “Millionaire rents and remodels entire cruise ship for Titanis-style wedding” would have made the news back then. Particularly if it was done in a hurry (more people involved = more likely to reach the press, even if they tried to keep it quiet).

  • Kirst May 30, 2018, 7:13 am

    This is so over the top it must be true! But why anyone would want to theme their wedding around a tragedy in which so many people died is beyond me.

    • admin May 30, 2018, 10:09 am

      I think it has more to do with the fashions of that era.

      • galatea June 1, 2018, 4:04 am

        That’s when you have an Edwardian themed wedding. Just the fashions, not the story or characters.

        I must admit, those fashions are lovely to look at (ghastly uncomfortable to wear).

  • AS May 30, 2018, 9:18 am

    I remember this story. And also remember a commenter break it down to show that this is totally a made up story.

  • Julia May 30, 2018, 9:28 am

    I don’t care if this is a true story or not, it’s a great read, and I’ve certainly met “Jennifers” before in my life.

  • staceyizme May 30, 2018, 9:29 am

    It’s a whale of a tale, but I think it’s a pure fish story in the “revenge porn” genre. Someone who learned to equate money with love was poorly raised and developed some really bad ideas. Apparently all of the other people in her life went along for the ride on an inordinate scale. White hatted groom, black hatted tramp and good hearted side-kick. It would actually have been more entertaining as a romantic comedy movie.

    • Michelle Guddat May 31, 2018, 8:14 pm

      This actually reminds me of the sister in the movie 27 Dresses! LOL

  • Phoebe161 May 30, 2018, 10:31 am

    Sooo many red flags in this tale, but it was entertaining fiction. My favorite is still The Hideous Titanic Bridesmaid Dress From Hell!

  • Elisabeth May 30, 2018, 1:57 pm

    Yes, I too think this is more an embellished tale – perhaps of a Bridezilla who rented a dinner cruise at Martha’s Vineyard and demanded an old-timey theme – but oh boy, was that fun!

    The only part I really hated was that OP had a Titanic wedding just like Jennifer. If it weren’t a fictional story, it makes OP look very insensitive and spiteful. Wouldn’t it be better to not remind poor William about the crazy money he blew on his first “wedding”? Couldn’t she have just had a period-theme wedding instead of specifically *that* movie – which is, after all, about a deadly tragedy?

  • kingsrings May 30, 2018, 2:26 pm

    I’m fairly sure this is a work of EHell fan fiction. Entertaining none the less. I especially love this odd sentence, “William swept me up in a circle and planted one on my forehead.” ?

    • Rinme May 31, 2018, 6:44 am

      Oh, totally. This is absolutely not a true story.

    • NoviceGardener May 31, 2018, 10:05 am

      That line had me howling too! But I think my favourite part is when our selfless heroine, driven to distraction by the monstrous bride, blinded by tears of frustration, reaches the elevator only for its doors to open and reveal none other than…William.

      • Vermin8@earthlink.net June 1, 2018, 6:06 am

        It read like a Lifetime Made-for-TV movie script.
        I wonder if this plot has ever been in a Harlequin romance novel.

    • Jelly_Rose June 1, 2018, 12:43 pm

      That had me laughing, more because my mind just thought of this guy had a girl picked up and twirling around and around before setting a potted plant on her head.

  • Lara May 30, 2018, 8:59 pm

    I remember reading this in the archives. Definitely the craziest and most extreme of all the crazy wedding stories, as well as the hardest to believe! Besides the seeming impossibility of finding that many people who can afford a costumed cruise of that sort, it was the rom-com ending, with the OP ending up with the fiancee, that put it over the top to me. It is great fun, though!

  • EchoGirl May 30, 2018, 9:20 pm

    Like someone else said, I feel like there’s probably a milder version of this which is true, but it’s been blown massively out of proportion. What it actually kind of makes me think of is a lot of recent movie adaptations of books. They start with the same premise as the book and borrow plot elements from the story, but they massively ramp up the drama every moment they can, adding scenes and characters and sometimes even rewriting some of the plot arcs to the point where it’s barely recognizable as the same story. (The Hobbit movies and the latter two in the Disney Chronicles of Narnia are examples that spring to mind.) In this case, I think the “book” the author is drawing from is her own experiences, but like the screenwriters, she’s embellishing. Not just because it’s so absurdly unbelievable, but because it hits pretty much every point on the bridezilla list, and to the extreme at that. Not to mention the stuff with William…at the very least, that’s being told through rose-colored glasses (he’s sooooo sorry about what she’s doing, but his child MUST have a two-parent home! It’s the honorable thing to do!), and it may be highly exaggerated as well.

  • Kelly Taylor May 30, 2018, 11:12 pm

    I never know which part is my favorite: the wedding “undertheme” (Titanic reboot nonwithstanding), or the melodramatic story climax: “Then William….laughed. Laughed!”

    Why, yes, reader! He laughed! Laughed, I tell you! That man laughed and laughed, and then he laughed some more! He _laughed_, by god!

    • Daquiri40 May 31, 2018, 5:44 am

      You have to love a man that laughs! Hahahahahaha!

    • jessiebird May 31, 2018, 8:02 am

      This is the first time I have laughed out loud reading a comment on this blog. And many make me smile but this one…. .By god, I laughed!

    • at work May 31, 2018, 8:07 am

      lol

    • NoviceGardener May 31, 2018, 10:28 am

      Just adding my appreciation for this comment and it’s resulting thread. We all understand that “lol” is usually internet shorthand for “that was amusing, but I didn’t literally laugh out loud”. In the case of this thread though, I actually do have tears of mirth running down my face!

      What I want to know is…what kind of laugh was it? A sad, pitying chuckle? A genuine snort of amusement at the sight of the cake-covered bridezilla? An uncontrolled, almost maniacal cackle as the result of finally being free after months of repression? A hearty, Brian Blessed inspired bellow of mirth? I guess we’ll never know for sure. Although knowing William, my personal vote is for a laugh of quiet, restrained manliness.

  • AM May 31, 2018, 12:15 am

    So Jennifer gets everyone to go along with her demands by throwing a fit, which causes these good people concern for her unborn child, but plying her with alcohol and drugging her drink sounds like a good idea if it shuts her up?

  • Trillian May 31, 2018, 1:39 am

    The thread for this anecdote was a blast, too. Paraphrasing from memory: “Oh, and isn’t it a TAD, oh just a SHADE mean to send someone an invitation to one’s wedding to the woman you ditched her for? ‘Dear Jennifer, We hope there are no hard feelings from when, at our aborted wedding, I laughed in your face and announced my intention to get an annulment. We look forward to seeing you at our own wedding, which will be attended by most of the same people who witness your (rather severe, I’m afraid) humiliation. It will give you a second chance to experience the Titanic wedding of your dreams. Cordially yours, Prince William and Cinderella.’

    “And here’s the note grandma sent: ‘Dear Princess Perfect and Prince William, Thank you for the invitation to your normalish wedding with the Titanic undertheme. Enclosed is a small gift. However, Jennifer must decline, since she has shamed herself into the ground and is truly expecting without knowing who the father is. Wishing you years and years of happiness since you so richly deserve it and she doesn’t. Love, Grandma (the one you don’t share through your moms, who are sisters). P.S. Would you like the keys to her 8,000 sq. ft. mini-mansion? She won’t be using it, since she lives with me now.'”

  • Suzanne Lucas May 31, 2018, 1:42 am

    The old story I miss was from the forums–with the crazy neighbor lady who was mad that the HOA didn’t extend to a particular house. I always wondered how that turned out.

    • Miss-E May 31, 2018, 10:07 am

      Yes! That was my favorite by far and all these years I’m still curious how everything worked out!

  • Asharah May 31, 2018, 2:02 am

    Seriously, what man would marry a woman because she says she’s pregnant without making her take a pregnancy test first? Especially a greedy female dog like Jennifer.

  • NoviceGardener May 31, 2018, 9:27 am

    I remember this story! (Although when I first saw the word Titanic I too thought it would be the infamous dress saga. Which was also brilliant, but I actually believed that one).

    Anyway, count me in with those who believe this is a work of fiction – but what an entertaining ride! The self-made, noble groom; the trampy, selfish bride with no redeeming features; the supporting cast of long-suffering enablers. And of course our lovelorn heroine: selfless, silently dutiful, and far too noble herself to allow the tortured groom to witness the feminine tears upon her delicate face.

    I think my only complaint with this fabulous fanfic is this: Who would wish to marry such an idiotic doormat as William? However noble (foolish and short-sighted more like), however capable he may be of suddenly sweeping one up in a circle and planting a smacker on one’s forehead (lol), however delightful his triumphant laugh…LAUGH! of realisation.

    Like others here, I suspect this tale actually has a basis in reality, but has been hugely embellished. The cynical side of me even wonders if the original events might have gone something like this:

    1) Pleasant young woman (our heroine) dates pleasant young man (“William”). Their relationship fizzles out and they break up amicably enough, although our heroine continues to hold a bit of a candle for William.
    2) Some time later, William becomes engaged to selfish, spoiled, young woman (“Jennifer”). Hardly unheard of, although she surely must have at least a few attractive qualities, however superficial.
    3) An extravagant and troublesome wedding follows, and the bride acts like quite the bridezilla (again, hardly unheard of).
    4) Our heroine’s natural dislike of her entitled and unpleasant cousin is compounded by a bit of residual jealousy, and so she writes her own highly exaggerated, but terrifically entertaining version of events, as a form of catharsis. Bravo!

    Perhaps I am being somewhat uncharitable towards the OP with my cynicism, but alas, we can’t all be as noble as the worthy William.

    • keloe May 31, 2018, 5:09 pm

      I would slightly correct point 2): William ebcomes engaged to a young women his ex considers completely unworthy of him.

    • Queen of the Weezils June 1, 2018, 8:39 am

      “Who would wish to marry such an idiotic doormat as William?”

      YES! He showed poor judgment a thousand times over. No sensible woman would touch him with a 10 foot pole until he could demonstrate that it was a blip and not a pattern.

  • NostalgicGal May 31, 2018, 10:55 am

    Even if the ship just needed a few touches because it was due for a refit, that would still take time.

    Nobody I have ever met can totally hide their time of the month. Jennifer would have to have claimed she was at least 2-3 months along at the time she claimed to be pregnant… and I as William would have made her pee on the stick, pull it suddenly and put her in a bathroom where she can’t get out and without warning so all she can do is pee or not pee. Tests in that era were pretty accurate after a few weeks of pregnant. If that came up not (and she could come up with some reasons… I would have walked her to a doctor appointment and had her tested by them. Also if I had that much to be involved about her having the baby… she would need to start prenatal care.

    By the time of the cruise, even if they pulled it short, she would have had to have been 3-4 months at minimum, and no signs of morning sick or the blotches, or anything else, 4 months you are looking like you’re letting yourself go, usually. And eating. Oh yeah, the eating. Also, we can have an ultrasound. I would have insisted on the ultrasound.

    If I were William I would want to do the right thing, but I would be suspicious to the point of being a CAD. Getting on that ship, by then it would have been sorted out that either Jen was toting or Jen was lying through her teeth. And I sure hope there was a prenup signed-I would have insisted, that said if she lost the kid I could divorce or annul, if she didn’t have anything in the oven, um, it’s called bye and I get the ring back.

    I thought that too much smelled from this one and it makes a good fanfic… there is no mention anywhere about even a private cruise from the era… go ahead and check out major newspapers on the East Coast in the tony areas… and surely this wedding would have rated a listing on the society page? Zip that matches anywhere.

    • NostalgicGal May 31, 2018, 11:54 pm

      I swear this was rewritten. There is now a date of 2000 in there and some other stuff I do not remember from when I tried to research it not long after it was published… is my memory that bad or was this submitted again?

      • admin June 1, 2018, 3:13 am

        The submission date is July 29, 2003 (by email) and it was published to the site sometime thereafter. I haven’t looked in the archives to see exactly which update of the site it was added to but it was sometime after July 29, 2003.

        • NostalgicGal June 3, 2018, 2:10 am

          While I do remember when this first surfaced trying to find some sort of reference that would tie to this and couldn’t get a major ocean rated vessel departing with a private party aboard of a goodly size going transatlantic, nor any sort of reference of something like this in a few areas’ society pages and I looked hard. Even if it was on one of the big transatlantic liners there should have been some sort of source mention of it. And I don’t remember the dates of (2000) being given in the first publish of this (shrugs…)

  • galatea June 1, 2018, 4:10 am

    What I’d like to know is, what the heck is an “undertheme”?

    • Kelly Taylor June 3, 2018, 7:46 pm

      Indeed, this is one of the things we’d ALL like to know.

  • Queen of the Weezils June 1, 2018, 8:30 am

    Oh. My. Gawd.

    I’d like to say “run, not walk” away from this entire family – hell, this entire town – but the trainwreck that surely followed this wedding would be too good to miss.

  • Jennifer but not THAT one February 22, 2019, 4:36 am

    No way this happened. Certain elements of it, perhaps, but the entire story is implausible. If a man as rich as William supposedly was threw a reenactment of the Titanic for his wedding and had it end this disastrously, that would’ve been a tabloid story. I remember back on the message boards there was a solid argument made that for a lot of women born in the early 1980s both Titanic and Prince William held a lot of significance, and Prince William and Jack Dawson (fictional as he may be…) were the ultimate heartthrobs. So it would make a lot of sense a fictional romance story written by a woman in that age range would incorporate those elements.

    For people that have very one-dimensional motivations, both Jennifer and William are incredibly sloppy. Jennifer is marrying him for his money, so she fakes a pregnancy instead of getting pregnant for real. A fake pregnancy, best case scenario, buys her a fancy wedding and half the money he earns for the few months it takes for him to figure it out. A real pregnancy (and we know from the ending she can get pregnant!), to quote Kanye West “she got one of your kids, got you for eighteen years.” If he’s really that rich it’s not like she’d have to raise the kid herself anyway. And a real golddigger as successful as Jennifer supposedly is would be a better actress and care more about public perceptions. She might complain to her immediate family but would not be having these constant public tantrums; if anything her behavior as described sounds like a serious mental illness, perhaps BPD, which makes her out to be a more sympathetic figure, and William and the author out to be much crueler for gloating about her misfortunes. On William’s part, we’re expected to believe he’s marrying her only because she’s pregnant but hasn’t gone to a single doctor’s appointment with her? Even if he’s not suspicious at all, if he’s this fantastic man who cares about the baby so much, you’d think he’d be eager to go to all her doctor’s visits, to see the ultrasound, to be a supportive partner and father-to-be. And if she wouldn’t let him do any of that, at that point shouldn’t he start to get a little suspicious?

    To the extent that some of it may be true, what probably happened is the author’s cousin got pregnant by a man the author wanted for herself and they got married in a lavish ceremony and while sitting through it the author concocted a fantasy version of the story where it turned out the pregnancy was fake and she got the guy instead and set it on the Titanic because that was her favorite movie. Because the author clearly loves Titanic as much as Jennifer or anyone else, and of all the ridiculous things that didn’t happen, her and William ALSO having a Titanic themed wedding is the most ridiculous.

    Either they wouldn’t do that because it’s incredibly tacky and rude or they *would* do that in which case they are a lot more narcissistic and spiteful than the rest of the story would have you believe.

    It’s also clear that as she was writing it she got more audacious, in the beginning she says she won’t say how William got his money because he’s a good person and she doesn’t want him embarrassed but you read to the end and find out she’s married to him now! Like her original idea was just them hooking up in a car on the boat right after he laughs at Jennifer but as she went on she was so excited she had to have them get married and have their own Titanic wedding. Even if most of the story is true, there is no way the situation is as one-sided as described and in that case you might’ve gotten a submission for Jennifer telling the story of how her maid-of-honor and groom were having an affair at her wedding, the groom got the marriage annulled and then married the cousin in a wedding with the same niche theme where guests were encouraged to wear the same outfits they wore to her wedding, and by the way she also started a rumor that I don’t know who my baby’s father is.

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