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Wedding Wednesday – Beach House Accommodations For Some Guests

My fiancé and I are planning to get married in fall 2020. We are on a quite small budget (preferably under 7k not including dress) and we are doing everything ourselves instead of hiring a planner, hence why I am asking this question so far ahead of time!

After kicking around a couple venue ideas, he suggested renting a large beach house at a nearby beach for the ceremony and reception. We just cannot afford to reserve a block of hotel rooms plus a venue, but some of our guests are on a very tight travel budget (mostly on his side) and we would love to be able to provide them with a low-cost sleeping arrangement. Some of the houses we are looking at would mean that for guests, it would be as low-cost as $200 per room for an entire week in a beach town! To clarify, that doesn’t mean that fiancé and I would only end up paying $200 for the week either – we would be paying the big lion’s share, plus event fee.

By renting a house instead of just a one-night venue, we get much more fun for the money, and get to have a mini-honeymoon after the wedding with some of our close friends and family. This is really the only aspect of the wedding that fiancé has been very vocal about preferring.

However, we are not going to be able to offer everyone overnight accommodation in the house, both because of space and lifestyle differences. I can’t imagine hosting my elderly, old-fashioned grandparents in the same home as some of our friends, for instance. And some guests, like my aunts from a number of states away, likely don’t want to hang out for multiple days with strangers.

What is the best way to divide the beach-house guests from the non-beach-house guests? All of the non-house guests would have no financial problem getting their own accommodation, but I don’t want to make anyone feel like a B-lister. We are only planning on inviting 35 people max, so it would not be a “select few” in the house while a big crowd has to find their own lodgings.

My plan so far would be to include a little extra card in with the paper invitation, sent out decently ahead of time for time-off’s sake, inviting the beach-house guests to stay and keep the fun going with us. All guests’ invitations would link to a wedding website which would include policies and rules of the rental (there are several with any beach house), such as no smoking, party has to end at a specific time, where to park, et cetera. 0420-18

Hmm, this is a conundrum.   My first thought is that you are presuming to know the preferences of all of your guests as to whether they would prefer the beach house accommodation versus a hotel.   Second, presuming that some of your guests are able to afford the more expensive hotel option.  Third,  you want to put the information regarding the beach house on the wedding web site all guests will have access to read it.   Fourth,  it sounds like you are categorizing guests into the “fun crowd we want to hang with” and the “old fuddy duddies”.   It just seems to me that there are too many presumptions that have the potential to backfire on you in the form of offended guests who were specifically not offered the option of a cheap beach vacation.

I’d send the same card to everyone and let the chips fall where they may.   People who really want to be with you that post-wedding week will hustle to RSVP and get in on the cheap beach house accommodations.   People who wait will lose out.   This is what happens when a block of rooms are reserved at a hotel, the first guests who RSVP get those rooms and when they are gone, oh, well.   Too bad for those who waited.

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  • kgg June 13, 2018, 7:21 am

    Towns usually have more than one beach house – which means that other groups of family members (who may all be more comfortable staying in the same house with each other) can get their own house or Airbnb or whatever. That is almost always much more affordable than a hotel. And considering you are giving them two years to prep for this, I think it’s plenty of time for people to find accommodations within their budget.

    I would also note that a lot of homes (at least in my state) that couples rent for weddings charge their own facility fee that can cost thousands. So the savings eaten up by not having it at a venue are gone or close to gone.

    Also, being near the beach can get expensive. Perhaps look to rent a home more inland – it could be more affordable all-around. And it may not be a given that people actually *want* to spend the week in the rental home. I have never been to a wedding that I’ve traveled for (plane, hotel, etc.) and thought, “I’d like to stay the week!” And that’s with staying in a hotel and not with other wedding attendees whom I barely know. Some may be happy to do that, but others may not want to. I’m sorry if it sounds like I’m raining on your parade – I’m glad you’re taking the time and thought to plan ahead and consider all budgets.

  • clairedelune June 13, 2018, 7:22 am

    The only part of your post I don’t understand, OP, is “We just cannot afford to reserve a block of hotel rooms plus a venue.” I’ve been to many many weddings that require travel, someone which included a block of rooms reserved as a courtesy, and never did the bride and groom actually PAY for the rooms in the block. If you’re concerned about not all the rooms in the block getting claimed, and so having to foot the bill for the unclaimed rooms, then there’s no rule that you have to reserve a block anyway. Just doing a little recon about local hotels and their rates is a nice courtesy to guests, and you can let them take it from there. But don’t worry about not being able to afford something that no one will reasonably expect you to pay for, in the first place.

    • ernie June 13, 2018, 5:28 pm

      I agree. For our wedding, we put on our website a number of local hotels in different price ranges and driving distances from the wedding itself as suggestions, and then let everyone sort it out for themselves. I was glad we did, because even the people who did end up staying at the hotels booked well after any “block” would have expired. Frankly I’ve never really seen a savings so significant in the “wedding block” of rooms scenario that justifies the significant risk of expense to the happy couple. This may just be due to the all the areas that I’ve been to weddings in, but saving something like $14 per night doesn’t seem like an adequate trade off for risking hundreds of dollars for the hotels that use this policy.

      Even in the scenario where the couple doesn’t pay for unused rooms, it is still uncommon, I think, to pay for the rooms at all.

      • clairedelune June 14, 2018, 7:16 am

        Exactly. The benefit of reserving blocks of rooms pretty much just runs in one direction (toward the hotel.)

    • LizaJane June 13, 2018, 6:38 pm

      I thought the same thing. I’ve usually seen people specify that the block of rooms is on hold until a specific date, which I assumed meant that after that date the hotel was free to release them and the wedding host was off the hook for unsold rooms.

    • Sweet Pea June 14, 2018, 12:07 pm

      I came here to point this out too. We were married recently and there’s no charge for reserving a block of rooms. They’ll only be available until a certain date (generally a month before the wedding), but you won’t be charged.

      On a different topic, for someone who claims to be concerned with peoples finances about being able to stay in a hotel for your wedding, you don’t seem to have the same qualms for a destination wedding to the beach, which will still involve a full travel cost and then at least the $200 share of the beach house which they may or may not want to stay in.

      Even for family, I wouldn’t want to stay in a beach house with the married/pre-maritital couple (depending on when the timeline is). Awkward! And also possibly stressful, especially for you as you work to get everything prepared. Most people probably won’t want to make a week log vacation out of your wedding.

      On a final note, destination weddings are (generally) much smaller. Close family, a few friends. If you’re thinking you want lots of people, this may not be the way to go.

    • BeachMum June 18, 2018, 10:03 pm

      We recently held my daughter’s bat mitzvah. We live in a beach town that’s a major tourist attraction. In order to reserve hotel rooms at anything even vaguely near an affordable rate, I had to pay for the rooms up front. As people reserved the rooms, I got a credit. When we settled after the party, I got back all of the money I had spent on the room reservations. However, I had to give the hotel many thousands of dollars in the interim six months.

      Depending on where it is, there are an increasing number of hotels that will no longer do courtesy blocks with any discount, but will discount contracted rooms, which means that the organizer of the event must fork out the money in advance.

  • Emma June 13, 2018, 7:51 am

    For what it’s worth, letter writer can make a private page that is not accessible to everyone unless you have a direct link to it (or a password). That having been said, I still think admin is correct here. With so few people everyone will surely find out that people were hand selected. You might not know about the gossip if it never gets back to you, but rest assured it will be talked about.

    A friend of mine did a similar thing at her wedding, footing the bill for some bridesmaids to stay in the same hotel as her and the groom because they were struggling financially. Well, as admin pointed out, the ones the bride knew to be struggling weren’t the only ones. We were quite young at the time and really every bridesmaid struggled to pay for the wedding. The bride was shocked when she found out a group of us carpooled for a few hours that day, there and back, because we couldn’t afford the hotel. We were less than pleased when we learned about others getting a hotel.

    • EOM June 15, 2018, 2:06 pm

      “We were less than pleased when we learned about others getting a hotel.”

      Why? How was the bride to know you were struggling financially if you never told her? Certainly, you don’t have to share your personal financial situation. But, then don’t get mad because someone doesn’t know it. It seems so petty to be mad that the bride did something nice for someone else. If you couldn’t afford it, you should have told her so.

      • LizaJane June 16, 2018, 12:23 pm

        But they could afford what they did, which was to carpool. People on here are always saying to only commit to what you can afford, which this poster did. We’re also in agreement that their shouldn’t be A lists and B lists for guests. I’d think the same should be true for the wedding party.

  • Rebecca M June 13, 2018, 7:59 am

    I agree… a first-RSVPd-first-served system would work best here. I’d make sure to write something about “keeping the party atmosphere going” on the invitation so that some of the fuddier fuddy duddies hopefully get the hint and don’t claim a spot. Encourage your friends to get their responses in quickly. Mention to some of your more affluent family in advance that you’re so grateful this option was available because you know that some of the other guests really need the assistance. Let people know they can only reserve a spot for the actual names in the invitation. Not somebody going, “and I know Aunt Meg hasn’t RSVPd yet, but I know she’d love to stay with you.” Aunt Meg is on her own.

    At the end of the day there will almost always be a buzzkill in a group setting, even among people you expect to be fun. Just deal with it and make the most of it no matter who ends up at the house with you. If some of the less well-off guests don’t get a spot, perhaps try to roommate-matchmake them with some other guests so they can share an air bnb for a lower cost. That way all you’ve spent is time, but you’ve let them know you love them, you want them there, and you want to help.

  • Miss-E June 13, 2018, 8:18 am

    What if you encouraged one of the friends who would stay in the beach house to bring up the idea as if it was their own? You send out invites with the hotel information and have your friend reach out to the crew and say “hey, wouldn’t it be fun if we got an air bnb and all stayed together?” Your more cash-strapped friends would have the option to save money but it wouldn’t be weird that your grandparents and aunts are included because why would your friends invite them to stay?

    The only caveat is that you probably shouldn’t stay with them but that doesn’t mean you can’t hang out there as much as you want.

  • Lara June 13, 2018, 8:27 am

    I’m going to disagree with some of this. I don’t think the OP and her fiance are just “presuming to know,” rather I think they’re working from their very real knowledge of the small group of people they intend to invite to their wedding. And they are trying to think about what each of their guests would enjoy and need based on their individual personalities and tastes. It doesn’t seem that different from planning assigned seating at the reception where you purposely group together people who know each other or who you think will get along and enjoy each other. They also want to use their limited financial means to help a few people who they know can’t afford accommodation on their own. If those people aren’t able to get a spot in the beach house because they weren’t quite as fast to respond as someone else, then what? Do they just not get to come? That doesn’t seem like a good outcome.

    To me, the main thing is that I think the “keep the party going afterward” invitation should be extended to everyone. You can easily explain why certain friends were invited to stay in the house by saying that you’re trying to help out those who can’t afford a hotel, but it’s not so easy to explain why only some of your guests are invited to post-wedding festivities and others aren’t. Chances are that the true old fuddy-duddies won’t care to come anyway, but everyone should be made to feel equally welcome.

  • JD June 13, 2018, 8:39 am

    I’m with Admin on this one. This could backfire in ways you don’t expect if you pick to whom to offer a room , and to whom not to offer a room. Word will get around, no matter what you do. The grandparents might well think that you should have offered the house to both family members only. Your friends might wonder why some friends got an invite to stay at the beach house and they didn’t. I see lots of potential for hurt feelings here.
    As Clairedelune said, reserving a block of rooms doesn’t mean you have to pay for them. It’s common practice around here — have you actually talked with hotels in the area about this?
    And as has been pointed out, how do you know others can afford to stay in a hotel? Maybe they have some financial struggles they aren’t talking about. How do you know people can or will want to take a week off for someone else’s wedding? I work with people who get 2 weeks vacation a year, max, and six whole days a year for holidays off — their vacation days wouldn’t be spent for someone else’s wedding, I can promise you, although your family and friends might be fine with doing that.
    I like the idea of a small wedding, gathering those closest to you, but I think this idea needs to be thought out more. I know you want it to be a great time for all, and that’s admirable. I just think you should seriously consider the suggestions you’ve seen here.

  • bopper June 13, 2018, 9:04 am

    Another option is to have one of your friends “host” the beach house, with them inviting you..(even though you may pay more) so it isn’t you excluding people.

    • LizaJane June 14, 2018, 7:45 pm

      Genius.

  • AS June 13, 2018, 10:06 am

    You can do first-RSVPed first serve, or start radiating outwards starting from parents, siblings, close friends, etc. Or, have only the wedding party stay in the house; and even if they don’t stay the whole time, others can move in for the rest of the week (some beach houses can allow change of bedding and towels mid-week). Make sure that no one is discussing the costs of staying in the house vs hotels. I suppose you are booking a block in the hotels so that guests can get a cheaper rate too.

  • ALM June 13, 2018, 10:47 am

    “but some of our guests are on a very tight travel budget” and “it would be as low-cost as $200 per room for an entire week in a beach town!”

    People who have very tight travel budgets also often do not have a week of vacation time (paid or unpaid) to spend hanging out after your wedding. The people most likely to have this time are going to be those elderly retirees who can probably afford their own beach house.

    What is this trend of weddings extending an entire week? You get your honeymoon, fine. Why do you think your guests should be compelled to spend their scant vacation time with you because you married?

    • Vicki June 14, 2018, 9:01 am

      Sometimes the idea is that if people are traveling a long way for your wedding, they may not want to spend ten or twelve hours getting there, be there for a day and a half, and then spend twelve hours getting home.

      I was one of the people invited back to the bride’s home after a wedding, years ago. The wedding was in Wales, and all the “please stay longer” guests were visiting from North America. I also spent a few days showing my husband London before the wedding, and not-so-incidentally getting over jet lag.

      I don’t know if my friends had any difficulties/stress with people they hadn’t invited to visit after the wedding; whether they did doesn’t predict whether the LW would, of course.

      The other key point here, I think, is to recognize that these are two separate invitations: one of your very closest friends might prefer a hotel room where they can be alone at night and in the morning to a shared beach house. Another might be happy to attend your wedding but either not have the time to stay longer, or already have other plans for their vacation time. So, the LW needs to think about both, will some of their friends or family be offended, and will they feel bad if people don’t want to stay longer, or prefer a hotel to a shared beach house with people they don’t know very well. It’s easy to forget that the people you know well don’t all know each other well.

      • ALM June 15, 2018, 2:15 pm

        Given that this is characterized as a ‘beach town,’ I doubt this is an international event for most of the guests. Beach towns are great if you want to spend a week in a beach town. I don’t. I grew up near the beach. I’ve seen it. If I wanted to go to a beach, I don’t need a wedding as an excuse.

  • Livvy17 June 13, 2018, 11:16 am

    Since you have a lot of time, another option would be to put in something like this: “As this is a beach community, etc….If you would be interested in sharing beach house accommodations, please fill out the attached questionnaire and return to me by xx/xx/xxxx. I will respond with suggested accomodations by xx/xx/xxxx. ” Granted, this could be a LOT of work and hassle, but would theoretically be fair to all, and could be a great time if you could get three houses in a row, etc.

    My cousin got married at a beach house, which was filled with his friends. We didn’t think anything about getting our own place, or have any trouble with his choices about who stayed with him. We brought the whole family, and our best friends’ family, we had a great week, and they babysat for us while we went to the ceremony. Worked out well all around.

    • Livvy17 June 13, 2018, 11:19 am

      sorry, forgot to say questionnaire would be about what room they wanted, what they were looking to spend, desire party/quiet house, etc. Then you could group people, if enough responded. You’d have enough time to tell people it didn’t work out too/make other plans, as long as you responded quickly.

  • Dee June 13, 2018, 11:19 am

    OP – are you sure you want to host a houseful of guests as well as putting on our own wedding? Because you ARE acting as host, and if there are problems people will come to you for solutions. That means if there aren’t enough towels, if the water is cold, if someone’s snoring is keeping guests up all night, they will come to you to fix it, and they will do that even as you are getting ready to walk down the aisle. As the host, you are expected to make your guests comfortable and it is your responsibility to do just that. Do you really want to take this on?

    Why not just rent your own place, with your groom, and provide info re beach houses and other accommodations to the guests and let them decide? You will find like-minded people getting together to rent one place and others choosing to get just a room off-beach. You can let them all know you and hubby will be spending your honeymoon at the location and are happy to have any and all join you in your activities. And then let things fall where they may. Some will join you, and others will hightail it back home. You’ll be surprised as to who does what. And none of their problems will trickle down to you.

    • crella June 14, 2018, 8:01 pm

      This is, without a doubt, the best way to handle it.

  • Princess Buttercup June 13, 2018, 12:54 pm

    My main thought is this should not be in any invite. What should be done is a personal one on one conversation with your guests to let them know that you are planning the wedding for x date at x location. And then ask if they would like some info on possible affordable housing options. Have ready a list of options that you have researched. And also possible suggestions on house share guests. Such as “Aunt Jane is also invited, maybe you and her could split accommodations”.
    This sounds far too messy and far too many assumptions happening to not be handled by a personal phone call or in person conversation.

    • MusicWithRocksInIt June 13, 2018, 1:44 pm

      I second this. This is a conversation you should have directly with the people you want to invite to stay in the beach house. Create a list of the people that you want to stay close to you in the house that week and contact them individually. Be sure to give them a date they need to confirm by and get the deposit to you by. Then, if anyone tells you they can’t make it you can offer the spot to someone else. You aren’t obligated to spend that week with anyone you don’t want to. This is your rental, you should pick the people. If there is more info you need to send them you can email it out individually.

  • shoegal June 13, 2018, 2:02 pm

    OP, this isn’t a good idea. Understandably, you are looking to have a cool, fun beach vacation with your friends after the wedding and hoping that everybody else invited will find other accommodations or just go on home and also hoping that you don’t offend anybody in arranging that. Of course, you fiance is agreeable to this thing – it’s the fun part – if it worked. I agree with the poster that questioned why a block of rooms at a hotel would cost you anything??? I say abandon this plan altogether – have a lovely wedding – but let it be for one night and not a week. You are actually making this harder on yourself and you are the bride.

  • Gumby June 13, 2018, 2:51 pm

    What part of the beach house is what you want? Is it “spending extra time with friends and family” or is it “combine housing with venue to cut down on costs”? Both? Can you accomplish that in some other way that is more inclusive?

    One of the nicest weddings I went to was hosted at a campground / conference & retreat center. The cabins were set up with a large central room that had bunk beds and a few smaller rooms along the edges that were set up with normal beds. The couple was young and had many single friends so the bunk beds just made it like an extended sleepover which was tons of fun. The families with kids and older guests (think grandmother of the bride) were in the other rooms. All meals were provided for the guests for the entire long weekend (Thursday night – Sunday morning). The bride also arranged carpools from the airport based on when flights were supposed to arrive but she is a logistical genius. Since the bride was my roommate, I happen to know this was still quite economical – less than renting a venue and having a catered meal, etc. would have been. Possibly helped by being the off season.

  • Alysoun June 13, 2018, 6:04 pm

    We rented a large farmhouse facility (wedding and reception took place there also) for the weekend, for us, the wedding party, and their immediate families (spouses, kids). Everyone else got info on nearby motels. Info on nearby beach houses would be appropriate to give to those you don’t wish to have sleepovers with. You are not obligated to pay for anyone’s accommodations. Drawing the boundary at “the wedding party” is a clear and objective criterion.

  • Lanes June 13, 2018, 8:03 pm

    I see two separate events here; First, the wedding, Second, the after-wedding holiday week. Thus, I’d separate the two events entirely.

    Add the same local accommodation information into every invite, providing a range of options for all budgets, because unless they send you their bank statements, you don’t truly know their financial situation.

    Then, for those I wanted to stay in the ‘beach house’ for a week I’d send a separate invite for them to a honeymoon party / whatever you want to call it (don’t include the word wedding), and include beach house accommodation information in that invite.

  • Wonderer June 13, 2018, 9:30 pm

    You are planning a wedding that is over 2 years away. A lot of things can change between now and then. Friendships wax and wane, and unfortunately some folks may not be with you by then.
    I’d focus on your ceremony and reception. Even with a small number of people (and that could grow between now and your date), those two parts of the celebration are more than enough to handle.

    I also am uncomfortable with the expectation that I would be able to devote a week to your festivities. I too only get 2 weeks of vacation , that is accrued and not given outright.

    • shoegal June 14, 2018, 6:31 am

      As a general rule, I am against destination weddings. You are asking your guests to give up vacation time, giving them additional expenses and determining how they spend their vacation – all for your wedding. No thank you. It is alot to ask of your guests.

      • EOM June 15, 2018, 2:11 pm

        So don’t go. Just because you don’t like it doesn’t make it rude. No one is throwing a tantrum because you don’t show up. If they do, they’re rude. Until that point, they’re fine. People throwing shade out at the thought of a destination wedding are much ruder.

        • Miss-E June 15, 2018, 8:42 pm

          I agree. You are under no obligation to attend, usually couples expect destination weddings to be smaller because they know not everyone can travel. And traveling for a wedding isn’t all that outrageous anyway. I live in NY and recently went to a wedding in New Orleans. The couple lives in NY but the bride is from NOLA and they plan to move there eventually. They have friends and family in both places so wherever they held their wedding half the people would have to travel. Personally, I’m glad because I’d never been and I loved it!

    • ALM June 14, 2018, 10:49 am

      “I too only get 2 weeks of vacation , that is accrued and not given outright.”

      HR called me to tell me how wonderful it was that I had earned a third week of vacation since I have been employed for 5 years. I haven’t taken an actual ‘vacation’ since the third year I worked here. Even when the university closes between Christmas and New Years, I still have to come in and often work 15-20 hours that week.

      If I were lucky enough to manage to get work coverage for an actual vacation, try to imagine how much of that time I’d spend ‘celebrating’ someone else’s wedding.

      • staceyizme June 15, 2018, 10:37 am

        I agree! After a few hours of celebration, it’s time to move ON! The couple should be free to head to their honeymoon and the attendees should be free to return to their own interests and lives. The expansion of time frames for some celebrations (anyone have that annoying friend who speaks of their “birthday WEEK” or worse, their “birthday MONTH”?) smacks of an excessive self-focus. The expansion of expected expenditure for the aforementioned celebrations on the part of hosts, honorees and guests is also unwise and unfortunate, generally speaking.

  • NicoleK June 14, 2018, 2:39 am

    You may be overestimating the number of people who want to give up a week of their vacation for this.

  • Hannah June 14, 2018, 11:14 am

    Maybe it’s just my inner hermit speaking, but it seems you’re presuming that your wedding guests would WANT to spend a whole week with you. I get that maybe you parents and some close family members might take up the idea, but I think people will be less inclined than you think. When I take a whole week off of work to go on vacation, I want to go to a place of my choice and do things I enjoy with people I’m close to. The idea of spending a whole week with someone else’s family (or, gee my own for that matter) in an environment not of my choosing with a focus on a newly married, presumably very lovely-dovey couple, is not remotely appealing to me– even if the price point is. If you’re only inviting 35 people and you only allow the housing option to those of them that agree to stay THE WHOLE WEEK, I don’t think you’ll have to worry about a surplus of takers. And if you do, have you considered just getting a second house? Why are you worried about providing sleeping accommodation anyway?

  • staceyizme June 14, 2018, 11:34 am

    Destination weddings almost always cause headaches. It might be simplest to rent the beach house that best suits you for the honeymoon, which would presumably be smaller and cost less, and look into listings of accommodations for other guests. If you include hotels, beach houses and airbnb, you’ll have done your due diligence. I don’t see why reserving a block of rooms comes into it at all because you don’t know how many will stay, how many of those who stay will prefer a hotel and how many will decline to stay longer. Your proposal to share a beach house with some guests and not others does smack of a two tier approach to your guests, as Admin said. You should absolutely have the wedding of your dreams, but you should also be inclusive, open-minded and gracious. In my estimation, this would incline you more towards letting all guests make their own choices and only making exceptions where you do so for a whole class of people. (For example, you might choose to share accommodations with your parents, or your siblings, or your wedding attendants… really any group that is concretely unified as a social demographic whose defining characteristic isn’t subjective and whose being given greater privilege will be understood. It’s unlikely that possible economic hardship in combination with greater proximity in age would qualify, in the minds of your guests. And since you are asking for a great deal of time, money, energy and goodwill just to GET them to the event, it seems only prudent to be mindful of the need to avoid preferential treatment.)

  • Catherine St. Clair June 15, 2018, 10:02 am

    I’d check for fire code violations and how many bathrooms are available for guests. Just how many people is this house designed to hold? Is the landlord ok with your idea?

  • Huh June 15, 2018, 11:47 am

    Here is my question – have you ever vacationed for one day, let a lone a week, with any of these people you want to share a house with? Casually hanging out with people is one thing, vacationing and sharing space is a whole other. I know too many people who have done the “share a beach house/mountain cabin” with friends and even family, and have HATED the experience because they found the people they were sharing with got on their nerves because they were messy/loud/wanted to do everything together/wanted to do nothing together/stayed up too late/got up too early/etc.

    About the only people I can vacation with is my immediate family (I live with them and am used to it.) My mom I can also handle, but I still have to get into a whole other mindset when it comes to activities. My dad? Just no. I’m pretty sure I still could with my BFF (haven’t vacationed with her in years) but her husband? NO.

    It’s also supposed to be your honeymoon, your time to bond with your new husband (and I’m not just talking about Scrabble.) I have done family trips with my DH, day trips with friends and DH and just trips with DH and I have much more fun just with him.

  • Cashie June 20, 2018, 10:32 pm

    My main concern would be notifying the landlord of the beach house you’re renting. If you’re in the US, and you’re planning a big wedding party in a house, there are permits that may need to be secured, the city may require security services, insurance, and the fire marshall to specify a number of guests allowed per the dwelling size. And then there are the neighbors, if they complain, the party will be shut down.

    Source: I work for a local government agency. While op’s idea seems like a good one, many cities have codes and regulations regarding large parties.

  • OP June 21, 2018, 12:36 pm

    Hi everyone! Thank you so much for the feedback.

    To answer some of the responses on here…

    1. We would not expect anyone to stay the full week. If they stayed just 2 nights instead of 1, it would be significantly cheaper than a good hotel in the same area. The longer they stay, the better deal. They could stay as long as they wanted, or just the one night for the wedding, their choice. It is an upfront cost, not per-room. We are not trying to commandeer a whole week of people’s vacation!

    2. The beach houses I have been looking at are in the 4-6k range for one week (in the beginning of off season, when we are planning) and can sleep ~20 people. We wouldn’t host a full 20 (we are only planning for 35 guests total), so there would still be room to breathe and facilities would not be strained while everyone was there, unless they got food poisoning or something. The houses are specifically designated as reservable for events with additional fee and policy.

    3. Silly me was not aware that it doesn’t cost money to reserve a block of rooms in a hotel. I was under the impression that that meant you PAID for a number of rooms! I have not attended a wedding where I had to stay in a hotel, except one where the wedding couple provided a free room in exchange for some help with setup. That does make a lot more sense and if it’s free or a very small fee we will likely end up doing that regardless of what happens with the house.

    4. I hadn’t really thought too much about the fact that we are going to be the “hosts” and therefore the ones who people come to with issues. I guess I was overestimating a little bit there, but thinking about it makes a lot of sense. That’s an issue I will have to discuss with fiance as I know he will not be wanting to deal with this, that, and the other during the “honeymoon”.

    5. I’ve concluded that it is probably best to invite specific people to stay in the house face-to-face, or to simply say on general invitation/website something like “please let us know if you are interested in in-house accommodation and possible extended stay”. Again, if we choose to continue with the hosting plan.

    6. The location we are looking at is about a 5/6 hour drive for most of our planned guests, except for some of my further out of town relatives. We wanted to go closer but pricing and event rentals were not doable.

    7. We are not having a wedding party with groomsmen/bridesmaids. This is just a matter of personal preference. So although having the wedding party only stay in the house would be a great plan, it doesn’t work in this instance.

    Thanks everyone again for the feedback! You have been so helpful 🙂

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