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Wedding…MONDAY- Fired Bridesmaid Gets A Free Trip Courtesy of JetBlue

* Weddings , which are meant to be celebrations of love and happiness, can bring out all different sides of people.

* Just take it from the bridesmaid on the receiving end of a cringe-worthy email in which the bride asked her to “relinquish” her “duties as a bridesmaid.”

* Courtney Duffy, the former bridesmaid, shared the email on Twitter , where it went viral . Some people found the bride’s requests reasonable, others found the whole exchange to be awkward.

* Duffy asked JetBlue for help to “avoid this wedding at all costs.”

Bridesmaid Courtney Duffy was asked to relinquish her role as a bridesmaid to bride “Alex” apparently for the reason that Duffy’s travel arrangements were going to interfere with her “duties” as a bridesmaid.

Duffy then tweets a screenshot of the email bride Alex sent her to JetBlue asking for a refund of her tickets.

JetBlue responded by waiving the cancellation fee and allowing Duffy to apply the airfare to another flight AND offered to sponsor a “vacation” so that bride Alex and Duffy can reconcile their relationship.

You can read the full story on either of these news outlets:   InsiderFoxNews

My thoughts….

Never, ever fire a bridesmaid or groomsman via email or Twitter.   Cowards do that.   As seen in this situation, it was not well received and will likely terminate the friendship.

Don’t fire attendants because they struggled to make plane reservations that did not fit your wedding schedule.   A wedding on a Sunday evening?   That was guaranteed to create a travel conflict for out of town guests and attendants.  You can’t always get the flight you want or are able to take off Monday for a travel day.

We don’t know the whole story of why Duffy got the boot but Duffy going public in an online culture where people can, will and do hunt down the real names and information to shame people is a dirty thing to do.  Correct that…it’s a bitchy thing to do.   Maybe we are seeing Duffy’s true character.

Dear JetBlue,  keep your nose out of this interpersonal conflict.  The story has gone viral and it’s painfully obvious that there are wide ranging opinions as to who is the guiltiest party in this mess.   You waded into the pigpen between two feuding women trying to bring reconciliation to two hissing angry cats….not a smart corporate decision.   Stupid, stupid JetBlue.   This will only encourage others to be uncivil in the chance that they, too, can profit with free plane tickets.

{ 67 comments }

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  • Vermin8 July 30, 2018, 7:55 am

    It’s too confusing to sort out cause and effect.

    If the attendant can’t be at the entire wedding ceremony, I can understand asking her to step back – but was the bride referring to the wedding ceremony or did she expect the bridesmaid to be there for all the events in addition to the ceremony? Was the flight headed back to college or arriving for the wedding? I don’t think it would be harmful for the bridesmaid to have to leave the reception early or to skip events outside the reception. I don’t think it’s urgent for the bridesmaid to be at the reception at all since the ceremony is the whole point.

    Did the bridesmaid pay for the jumpsuit? If so, it’s hers and the bride should offer to reimburse her whether or not she mails it back for the next bridesmaid.

    And as for the bride – would your wedding really be worse off for not having every bridesmaid at every pre and post wedding event? That is a lot to ask. If bride were sincere about wanting the bridesmaid to concentrate on school, she would not be expecting all of this in the first place.

    And “don’t feel you’re letting me down!” – if she weren’t letting you down you wouldn’t be firing her.

    • Is pumpkin a vegetable? July 30, 2018, 11:39 am

      Agreed – I feel like there’s not enough information for anyone to form an opinion either way. Although, I don’t agree with the e-mailing part of this.

      • Vermin8 July 30, 2018, 1:38 pm

        I agree with that. There is no reason to make it public other than have someone else look bad – but I assume there’s another side and the one on social media isn’t telling it.
        That said, if the email is word for word, I think the bride is expecting too much. The bridesmaids need to carry on with their day jobs and lives during the planning and the wedding weekend itself.

        • NicoleK July 31, 2018, 6:39 am

          I think she didn’t mean it to go viral.

    • Liz July 30, 2018, 11:44 am

      I agree. I’m unclear as to the timing and logistics of it all. I know i it were me, whether school, work, family etc. that might have prevented my BM from being there for “everything” I’d be happy for whatever she could manage. And I’d like to think any BM who found out they couldn’t be there for the actual wedding would step down themselves, but that doesn’t seem to be the issue here.

      • vermin8 July 30, 2018, 1:39 pm

        Yes – the ceremony is the most important event. The rest can be worked.

  • Michelle July 30, 2018, 8:37 am

    Wow. Travel issues, fired bridesmaid, replacement bridesmaid and jumpsuits- what a mess! I’m unclear on something, thought, exactly how many days was this wedding supposed to be? This line “this whole thing — the bachelorette trip, at least the weekend, prep and the full night of the event (a Sunday night flight means you won’t even be able to be there for the whole wedding)” is what has me asking. If I’m interpreting it correctly, there is at least 3 days of activities? I guess my expectation of bridesmaid duties is outdated: help the bride dress, stand up at the altar, say something nice at the reception, maybe a few other small helpful things.

    With the “relinquishing duties” and all this beauty pageant-like line keep running through my mind “If for any reason the bridesmaid cannot fulfill her duties, she must relinquish her title, return her jumpsuit and the 1st runner up will assume the role”.

    • DancerDiva July 30, 2018, 5:39 pm

      It makes me wonder…was there a pageant to select the bridesmaid “winners”? I think I will send a thank you note to my friends whose weddings I was in to thank them for not having productions instead of a wedding. My bridesmaid “duties” never extended beyond making snacks/drinks for the shower, and showing up for the rehearsal/ceremony/reception.

    • staceyizme July 30, 2018, 6:06 pm

      I wish we had “like” or “love” buttons for comments. This one is a winner!

  • Saucygirl July 30, 2018, 8:38 am

    While I agree that going public with her problem was not a classy move, it is a smart move if you want to increase your chances of getting a response in your favor. And because of the tone in the email – the bride frequently “reassuring” Duffy that she isn’t upset and they are cool – implies that the bride thinks everything is Duffy’s fault and the bride is being the bigger person. When really she should be telling Duffy that she knows what she’s doing sucks, but she’s doing it anyway, and begging Duffy to please not be upset with her (not to mention fact it’s in email to begin with, as admin pointed out) says a lot about bride as well.
    Neither of these girls are great, and admin is 100% right – they don’t deserve a reward of a vacation

  • Leigh July 30, 2018, 8:55 am

    The part of the e-mail that just kills me is when the Alex fires the Duffy, and then tries to be reassuring with the whole, “Please don’t feel like you’re letting me down.”
    What??! AND she already has a possible replacement in mind. What a gem.
    But I don’t think Duffy should have taken it public; however, when we’re really hurt by someone we thought we were close with, sometimes we lash out without thinking through the long term consequences of our actions.
    The both sound like drama and a headache, but overall, I’d say my sympathies lie more with Duffy.

  • Shannon July 30, 2018, 9:12 am

    Not only was the wedding on a Sunday, there were several events that were considered “mandatory”. That would be a good chunk of my yearly PTO for someone else’s wedding. And hotels/plane tickets/car rental, uber, etc add up very quickly.

  • bopper July 30, 2018, 9:12 am

    But it seems that the bridesmaid couldn’t be there before the wedding and would have to leave during the wedding…should she be a bridesmaid? What is the purpose of a bridesmaid? Is it an “honor” bestowed? Is it to help out? Is it to be in pictures? Is it to be a decoration?

  • Maggie July 30, 2018, 10:25 am

    Wow… how did Alex expect to fire her bridesmaid and not have it affect their friendship? That’s a pretty nuclear move – especially since all this Courtney did was not want to miss a class. Would Alex expect her to risk losing a job be taking off work? Oh wait – she probably would.

    And what’s so bad about Courtney leaving the reception early? IMO, once the reception starts, the wedding party’s work is done and they should just enjoy the reception as a guest. Courtney’s already there for the important part (rehearsal/ceremony).

  • Charliesmum July 30, 2018, 10:28 am

    I have a hard time seeing the bride in a bad light, if you take the email at face value. We see so many letters of bridesmaids feeling exhausted because of all the ‘duties’ they are expected to have during a wedding, so I can sort of see why the bride would think she’s doing her friend a favour. That said, what are the duties, other than being there for the ceremony and and the formal photos. I can see being sad your friend can’t be there for all the festivities, and that she has to leave early (I’m assuming the bit where the bride said ‘you won’t be there for the whole wedding’ means the bridesmaid has to leave before the reception is finished.) but at least she’s there?

    I’m betting there’s more to this friendship than the viral story lets on.

    • Leigh July 30, 2018, 2:58 pm

      Charliesmum, I see what you’re saying, but the bride should have spoke up WAAAAAY before her friend booked two cross country flights. AND…she knew her friend’s situation with school, so why even *ask* her to be a bridesmaid if she had those concerns? Why not just say, “I love you. You’re my friend, and I want you to be here if you can be. Please come and celebrate with me as a guest at my wedding.”

    • DancerDiva July 30, 2018, 5:48 pm

      The bride seems more upset that Courtney isn’t going to fulfill her fantasies of having the grand production she’s always dreamed of. I’ve been to many weddings where every person in the wedding party wasn’t there for every pre- and post-wedding event. Of course, I’ve also never been a bridesmaid in a wedding where anything other than the rehearsal, ceremony and reception were “mandatory”. I’m not a fan of these types of weddings. Brides who do this are asking WAAAAY too much of their friends and family by doing this. And, unless it’s a holiday weekend and most people are off on Monday, having a Sunday wedding isn’t very considerate of any of your guests. It sounds like the bride might be more interested in photo ops than truly spending time with her attendants.

      • Charliesmum July 31, 2018, 6:19 am

        ‘Of course, I’ve also never been a bridesmaid in a wedding where anything other than the rehearsal, ceremony and reception were “mandatory”. ‘ – yes! Exactly. I mean, maybe it’s my age, but it does seem like there’s way too much of a production going on here. The major ‘duty’ of a bridesmaid is to be there for the bride on her wedding day.

        My wedding was on a Sunday (my 2nd wedding when I was older and wiser, LOL) but it was the Sunday before Labor Day, so people did have the day off; which is why we chose that day. 🙂

      • EchoGirl August 3, 2018, 3:09 am

        This has actually become an issue for Jewish weddings, because observant Jews won’t have a wedding on a Saturday. Lately, you see a fair number of Jews marrying on holiday weekends for this reason. (In our case, we decided to go with a date later in the year when we could realistically do it after sundown on the Saturday and not end up serving dinner at midnight.)

  • clairedelune July 30, 2018, 10:38 am

    I dunno, Alex pretty much lost me at “duties.”

    • DancerDiva July 30, 2018, 5:49 pm

      +1000

    • Teapot August 3, 2018, 11:01 am

      She lost me at jumpsuit!!!

  • Dana July 30, 2018, 11:00 am

    This is something that bothers me – this public shaming. It needs to stop. People are quick to post a picture or video shaming someone they believe is doing wrong. If it’s illegal, take it to the police. Otherwise, don’t do it. There are always two – or more – sides to a story and public shaming like this only tells one side. It burns me up!

    • at work July 31, 2018, 5:54 am

      You are right. I feel kind of ashamed now for how badly I want to see what that jumpsuit looked like. The whole thing is none of my business, really.

  • AS July 30, 2018, 11:01 am

    The last sentence is exactly what I was thinking too! Neither of them comes out of this situation smelling of roses. Alex was wrong to fire the bridesmaid. But if she wanted to see if she could cancel without charges, she could have messaged JetBlue. Or at least kept the email from Alex out of public Twitter.

    I don’t begrudge JetBlue for letting her cancel without the fee though; airlines sometimes do that, and being fired as a bridesmaid is a valid enough cause not to want to attend the wedding. The airline giving a voucher for girls getaway is taking it too far!

  • LizaJane July 30, 2018, 11:29 am

    Ugh. Bridesmaid duties. When I was young and in lots of weddings, we bought a dress, threw a shower and bachelorette party (party not weekend), showed up on time and in good form for the rehearsal and wedding.

    We were such underachievers and didn’t even know it.

    • Liz July 30, 2018, 11:45 am

      Hahaha. Yes, this is me as well. Such slackers we were!

  • NostalgicGal July 30, 2018, 11:31 am

    I think JetBlue was trying to cash in on a little free PR ….
    Nice though to let the cancel happen without the fee.

  • WendyB July 30, 2018, 11:42 am

    When I was married, the only bridesmaid “duties” were to show up. Because that’s the important thing. In fact, I can’t imagine what else is so important that you need all the bridesmaids there every moment of the weekend…even the rehearsal isn’t 100% crucial if life gets in the way.

    That said…taking your beef to Twitter is just crass. If you want JetBlue to refund your money, that’s fine…send an email, not a tweet. Because that’s what adults do. Children take the issue to a public forum…and then it ends up on the news.

    I agree with admin that JetBlue needed to stay out of the fight. Just refund the money and move on…you don’t want the additional publicity.

    • Kirsten July 30, 2018, 4:37 pm

      Of course JetBlue want the publicity.

    • Margo July 31, 2018, 10:17 am

      I think the problem is that often a public message such as a tweet or facebook post can get a response from a business where sending an e-mail or ‘normal channels’ doesn’t.
      I don’t know if that as the case here, but it may well be that ‘Duffy’ sent the tweet to JetBlue because she wasn’t able to get a response by more discreet means.

      (I recently got fed up with being messed around by a train company which owed me a refund. 3 months of e-mails and phones calls got me nowhere. One public tweet and they were suddenly able to refund me straight away.)

      I think it is fairly well known that this tends to be the case. My guess is that the flights were either non-refundable or there would have been a hefty fee, and she originally tweeted in the hopes that they would be a bit more flexible.

  • Rose July 30, 2018, 12:14 pm

    If a bride wants to be treated like a princess for her wedding and have all sorts of events, and duties for her bridesmaids, PAY FOR IT.

  • Aprobe July 30, 2018, 12:19 pm

    My friend asked me to be in a wedding party… Knowing I would be present for nothing except the ceremony as I lived out of the country at the time. So the bride asking the bridesmaid… Knowing she’s a student… What kind of “duties” was she expecting her to fulfill?
    Because like, “hey you’re not around to help me throw parties in my honor” is like… Tactless.

  • JD July 30, 2018, 12:31 pm

    Neither one of them comes off too well here, as admin points out. Firing the bridesmaid, knowing she’d bought the tickets (and who was to know she’d get a refund?) and doing it all by email is just really wrong. Taking it public is wrong of the bridesmaid, very wrong, in my opinion. I’m not fond of either of them.
    I would like to see this wedding though. I’ve never seen bridesmaids all in jumpsuits. It may be quite lovely, but I’d still like to see it.

  • Girlie July 30, 2018, 12:38 pm

    Wow.
    I was once fired from being a bridesmaid. I was asked, and accepted, and was told about a month (maybe two) later that it really was too expensive for me, after all, and anyway, the numbers wouldn’t be even if I were in it. Oh, and my little daughter, who had been asked to be a flower girl? Also dumped, because again, it was “too expensive” for me.
    Please note that all of these comments about it being too expensive for me were assumptions made completely on her part. I had said we would do it, and I meant it. When she kicked me out of the wedding, I told her that it was obviously more “expensive” that I realized and I wouldn’t be paying for the trip to come after all.

    I suppose I should at least appreciate the fact that I never got far enough into the bridesmaid process to buy my plane tickets or dress. Unfortunately, this also means that I lost out on my fifteen minutes of social media fame.

    Ah, well.

  • Mizz Etiquette July 30, 2018, 12:40 pm

    THIS >>> “This will only encourage others to be uncivil in the chance that they, too, can profit with free plane tickets.”

    All this will do is open the door for others to try and weasel out of cancellation fees/get a refund because:
    – I got sick and couldn’t go
    – Death in my family and I couldn’t go
    – I lost my job, need money, so I need a refund
    – Insert other excuse here.

    Just because these 2 females are having issues, this has NOTHING to do with JetBlue. I can’t believe this entitled woman even asked.

  • Yellow Rose July 30, 2018, 12:46 pm

    Situation aside, I really want to see those jumpsuits.

    • gramma dishes July 30, 2018, 3:16 pm

      You can look up wedding jumpsuit images. Some of them are gorgeous! They just look like long evening gowns.

      • BellyJean July 31, 2018, 8:06 am

        Wow – you’re right, they are beautiful! And it’s actually something that they really can wear again, heh. 🙂

    • LizaJane July 30, 2018, 4:07 pm

      Yessssssss! We need to see the jumpsuits.

  • Angela S. July 30, 2018, 2:27 pm

    After reading the whole article, email, and all the Tweets, I feel both parties were in the wrong. I also feel there aren’t enough details to decide who behaved worse but leaning towards the bridesmaid. While sending the email asking her to bow out from the wedding party was rude, the story shared is all from the bridesmaids point of view. We don’t know if the bridesmaid originally agreed to participate in all the pre-wedding activities and then backed out at a later date due to school. We don’t know if the bride did try calling her instead and could never reach her. Maybe the email was a last resort after the bridesmaid avoided contact from the bride. I would feel a bit hurt if a bridesmaid told me they couldn’t make it for part of the ceremony or reception as well, especially if they didn’t let me know there was a problem until shortly before the wedding date. If the bridesmaid knew it would be difficult for her to participate in the entire ceremony and reception should she have let the bride know she couldn’t commit to being a bridesmaid in the first place? Also the bride did offer reimbursement for the cost of the jumpsuit and the postage. The bride let the bridesmaid know she was still important to her and that she still wanted her to attend as a guest. The bride wrote privately in the email, while the bridesmaid publicly shamed her on Twitter. Just another perspective.

  • LadyV July 30, 2018, 4:51 pm

    I agree with Ms. Jeanne that it was bitchy – and tacky – for Ms. Duffy to make this whole situation public. However – the minute I see the words “duties of the wedding party”, I sense a bridezilla. If you read the whole story, this wasn’t just about the night of the wedding. Even knowing that Ms. Duffy was working on a graduate degree, and had limited free time (and probably limited funds as well), “Alex” expected her to show up for “the bachelorette trip, at least the weekend, prep, and the full evening of the event”. The only “duty” a bridesmaid has is to show up for the wedding, wearing the selected dress, to support the bride. She’s not required to show up for anything else, including the reception.

  • staceyizme July 30, 2018, 6:03 pm

    This is just too over the top to be considered seriously. Of all the players here, JetBlue seems most innocent. Next would be the bridesmaid who tweeted the email in an attempt to leverage a refund (possibly not caring or not realizing the likelihood of it going viral). Finally, the bride. Who DOES this? And by email? No. There are limits to how much of life should be done virtually and this has clearly defined them. Don’t hire, fire or replace attendants via email. That’s too cowardly and graceless for words. Don’t pretend affection in the midst of a deep insult. Finally, don’t (ideally) take your wedding so much to heart that you can con yourself into the idea that it’s just ducky to sub one attendant for another, (provided, of course, that the dress.. er, jumpsuit, fits). It’s not. It’s monstrously self-focused. If you had difficulty with an attendant, the matter should have been settled weeks ahead of time. SNAFU occurrences dog every large event. Putting too much pressure on yourself and others to turn a solemn observance into a pageant has gotten us into this madness. The way out lies with the conscience of every bride. I can’t say much against this attendant or against the airline, since they are likely in shock as to how to respond to the degree of crass selfishness on display. There is surely enough blame to go around. However, the bride is orders of magnitude ahead of the rest of this graceless crew in terms of her gaffes.

  • Redblues July 30, 2018, 10:06 pm

    Bachelorette *trip*?!? Wedding *weekend*?!? *Duties*?!? Flying home on a Sunday night means she can’t attend the entire reception?! Who gets married on Sunday night?!? I’ll tell you. People who want a reception at a venue they cannot afford who choose to save money at the expense of everyone who will have to either stay home, leave early, or take a day off from work. In other words, it’s all about Bridezilla. If Bridezilla isn’t paying for the bachelorette trip and the entire wedding weekend and “prep”, whatever that is, she doesn’t get to demand anyone else pay either. I have said it before, I will say it again: The only “duty” a bridesmaid has is to show up on time, properly dressed for the wedding. Everything else is gravy. When did weddings become an excuse for women to demand fawning adoration and outrageous expenditures from her friends?! “Bridesmaid” is a figure of speech, not a job description. Why are women expected to go broke just to be in a wedding?

    • AFS July 31, 2018, 6:41 am

      Quote: “Who gets married on Sunday night?!? I’ll tell you.”

      Jewish people.

    • Andrea C. July 31, 2018, 7:47 am

      “Who gets married on a Sunday night?” I used to work at a resort, and lots of people got married on a Sunday night, especially on a holiday weekend. In fact, I got married at 4 PM on a Sunday. It was a holiday weekend with most people having Monday off. We had people coming up from the South, so those who attended actually did **not** have to take time off from work. (And if they didn’t want to go, they didn’t have to go. We issued invitations, not summons.) Oh, and we did not get a discount for having it on a Sunday – although if we did, I’m not sure how that 1) is any of the guests’ business and 2) how that is rude.

      Don’t assume that just a couple having a wedding on a Sunday means that they think it’s *all about them*.

      • Redblues July 31, 2018, 2:49 pm

        If it had been a holiday weekend, the bridesmaid would not have had classes the following morning. If you have a Sunday night wedding, you can’t expect guests to travel across the country for it. I worked in a banquet restaurant. Sunday afternoon weddings were common, if the guests were local. But not Sunday night weddings, unless the following day was a holiday.

    • ladyv21454 July 31, 2018, 8:22 am

      The mind boggles at what “prep” might have entailed. I had a nightmarish image of the bridesmaids being required to decorate the venue, prepare the favors, arrange the flowers, or some other “above and beyond” duty.

      • Redblues July 31, 2018, 2:56 pm

        “Prep” is something Bridezilla *pays* for, not something she drafts friends to do for free. Not something I would be willing to do.

  • Kelly Taylor July 31, 2018, 7:21 am

    Did you seriously just refer to a quarrel between women as “two hissing angry cats”? Maybe it would be a good idea to rethink using sexist, demeaning metaphors, especially in reference to etiquette issues.

    • admin July 31, 2018, 8:28 am

      What a sexist you are to think that all “hissing angry cats” must be females. Tom cats fight as much, if not more, than females and I wouldn’t get in the middle of any of them, regardless of the sex of the feline.

      • EchoGirl August 3, 2018, 9:44 pm

        Regardless of the actual behavior of the animal kingdom, cat imagery is used much more frequently towards women than towards men, and it’s often done in a demeaning way (I’ve never heard two men fighting referred to as a “catfight”, for instance, but that term is frequently used when two women fight). I don’t think you meant it that way, but I also don’t think Kelly was ever intending to imply that only female cats fight, only that those sorts of terms are almost exclusively applied to women on the human side of things.

  • Lara July 31, 2018, 9:17 am

    I saw this story before, and the Sunday night wedding is what struck me. If it really mattered that much to her to have all her attendants present for everything, then she could have not chosen to have her wedding at a time that required everyone take an extra day to travel home.

    Like others, I feel like this is an issue that should have been addressed by the bride much sooner. The best thing would be to graciously not care that Duffy couldn’t make it for everything or had to leave the reception early, but if she couldn’t do that, she should have spoken up as soon as it became clear that Duffy was having problems working her schedule around the wedding. Waiting until after the jumpsuit is bought, after the tickets are purchased, after Duffy has apparently spent a lot of time trying to juggle and rearrange everything to be there to *then* email her and say she’s not cutting it as a bridesmaid is definitely tacky and hurtful. If she had sat down with her, in person, early on, (or at least called her), and said, “I’m concerned that this is creating too much of a burden on you,” and “I realize now that I wasn’t thinking about hard it would be for you to do all of this from a distance when I asked you,” then they may have been able to resolve it without bitterness.

    I’m reminded of a “bridezilla email” that circulated a few years ago where the bride outlined all of her requirements and expectations for her bridesmaids. She got a lot of flack for that, but at least she was upfront about it. Her bridesmaids knew what they were getting themselves into. Now, maybe this bride did this, and we don’t know about it. Maybe she did tell Duffy everything she wanted from her bridesmaids at the beginning, and Duffy told her she could do it, only to then find out she couldn’t. As others have pointed out, we don’t actually know the whole picture, and I do think that the bride is trying to do this in as nice a way as possible and wants to stay friends with Duffy. But I still think she would have been better off graciously accepting Duffy’s lack of attendance rather than putting a friendship at risk for the sake of wedding “perfection.”

    As for Duffy, I give her a little bit of a pass because I think it’s become second nature for young people to post everything that happens to them on social media, and I think she was hurt and reaching out for sympathy. She was also trying to convince Jet Blue to refund her money and thought this would be the best way to accomplish it. But it wasn’t a very nice thing to do, no. She also was clearly willing to burn the friendship rather than accept the insult. And that’s what’s really so sad here. For all that Alex cared enough about Duffy to ask her to be a bridesmaid, and Duffy cared enough about Alex to go through the effort and expense of being one, in the end, neither cared enough about the other to put aside their own feelings and their own pride. Friendships come and go, but this is a stupid, horrible reason to lose a friend. And if you don’t really care that much about each other anyway, then why is she your bridesmaid?

  • Redblues July 31, 2018, 2:45 pm

    Yeah I would have said no to that too. I’m not her employee. Let the venue do that, or the florist. I would never run around doing work like that in dress clothes. Nor would I bring work clothes with me to a wedding. If Bridezilla wants workers, she can *pay* for them.

  • Mary Sgree July 31, 2018, 6:03 pm

    I thought it was a nice email. She says,” hey I didnt realize what a burden I was putting on you, so I’m giving you an out.” I think the bridesmaid should have breathed a sigh of relief and went on with her life. And didnt you all see Kaley Cuoco’s jumpsuit she wore at her wedding reception? It was gorgeous!

  • Callalily Montez August 1, 2018, 8:36 am

    I know I’m a big fat freak, because I had only one bridesmaid, who even got to wear a dress she already had, rather than go out and buy something new she’d never wear again. My wedding literally cost her nothing, other than the gas it took to get to the venue.

    I wanted her as my bridesmaid because I love her a lot. Maybe if brides really loved the gals they choose as bridesmaids, they wouldn’t put these onerous demands on them.

  • Pat August 1, 2018, 3:09 pm

    Orthodox people also get married on Sunday.

    • Redblues August 1, 2018, 4:23 pm

      Orthodox people don’t party all weekend before hand. They “weddings”, not “wedding weekends”.

      • EchoGirl August 3, 2018, 9:48 pm

        There are multiple pieces here. You’re correct to point out that given the factors that have been mentioned, it’s quite unlikely this was an Orthodox Jewish wedding situation. However, there’s at least one comment upthread that flat-out suggests that Sunday weddings are *always* for selfish reasons. Pat’s comment makes sense as refutation of that greater generalization.

  • Redblues August 1, 2018, 4:24 pm

    Sorry, “they have”. No edit button. 🙁

  • Marozia August 1, 2018, 7:50 pm

    If the BM outfit WAS a jumpsuit, Courtney sure did dodge a whopper bullet.
    It’s high time bridezillas learned that sometimes school/college/university studies and exams are unavoidable.
    Think carefully before selecting BMs that live hours away and are unable to make travel and financial commitments.

  • MzLiz August 1, 2018, 10:56 pm

    Realistically, there needs to be balance between brides having reasonable expectations & the (prospective) bridal party being mindful that accepting the role of ‘bridesmaid’ means you agree to a certain amount of obligation, usually of the time & money persuasion. Like it or not, there ARE ‘duties’ & ‘jobs’ that go along with the title & this is why people should ask questions about what those obligations will be before committing. If the answers don’t thrill you, you’re allowed to say ‘no’. I’ve said ‘no’ & haven’t lost one friend because of it. You should also have some idea of what your friend is going to be like during her wedding planning, esp if you’re close enough to be asked to be a bridesmaid. Use common sense & base your answer on prior experience of the bride. If she’s a bit of a princess in her everyday life, do you think a wedding is going to curb or exacerbate that tendency?!?!?

    Maybe I’m wrong but, whatever about the ‘bachelorette weekend’ or bridal showers, I do think it’s rather vital as a BM to support your friend on her wedding day for both the ceremony AND reception; that seems bare minimum to me. If I couldn’t do that, I wouldn’t accept being a ‘maid & just attend as a guest. Ms. Duffy knew her school & exam schedule – those don’t just get sprung on students. She should take responsibility for her own choice to say ‘yes’ to an out-of-state wedding during a very busy school year. Yeah, it sucks to get called out in an email like this but that’s a lesson learned – Don’t agree to an obligation you’re not sure you can follow through with, esp when it’s an important role in something as emotionally loaded as a person’s wedding day.

    While the bride’s email is a bit cringe-y & slightly self-absorbed, it does at least come across as an attempt to be upbeat & positive about an awkward situation, whereas Duffy dragging it out publicly (posting the bride’s private email & all), is extremely spiteful. Intentions should count for something. I think the bride is well-rid of a ‘friend’ that would sell her out on social media like this.

  • Queen of the Weezils August 2, 2018, 3:30 pm

    Jump. Suits.

    Yeah.

  • SadieMae August 3, 2018, 11:41 am

    I was perplexed that so many people thought this was a “bridezilla” story. We can’t know all the facts, but we know the bridesmaid told the bride she likely would miss part of the wedding itself. My feeling is, at that point, you can’t fulfill your duties as a bridesmaid, which are, at minimum, to be at the wedding! The bridesmaid should have stepped down…and I have no problem with the bride – very apologetically, not in a mean way – asking her to do so while still inviting her to join in the wedding festivities whenever she could get there. The fact that the bridesmaid made a thing of it – and shared it on a broad social media platform – suggests to me that she is the rude one here.

    And, personally, I’d rather get a message like this by email so that I would have time to master my feelings and decide what to reply. For me, a phone call would feel like an ambush. My two cents!

  • Kitty September 9, 2018, 4:52 pm

    My big question mark comes from the idea of offering the ex-bridemaid and bride a different trip to ‘reconcile their relationship’ on. Being thrown out of the wedding, especially over e-mail, would make me think that this is not a person I would want to go on a trip with. The extent to how this might have affected the friendship can be discussed in person, via phone-calls, or maybe through e-mails if the first two options are not that viable.

  • Fawful September 23, 2018, 6:21 pm

    I will give an exception to the whole “don’t fire an attendant via e-mail or social media” thing. The exception to that rule is if said attendant won’t answer your phone calls to attempt to fire them for not being in contact.