Hi have a question for you where I don’t know if me and my husband were in the wrong or my SIL is overly sensitive/self centered.
I gave birth to my second child a couple of days ago, two weeks before the due date. Everything went incredibly fast and we only had time to tell a handful of people that we were on our way to the hospital (my parents, my husband’s parents and the sitter that was going to take care of child no. 1 while I was in labour). Everything went well and we had a beautiful, healthy baby girl.
Of course, after the delivery we began sharing the news with family and friends, starting with those closest to us. I informed “my side” of the family while DH started on his. My husband called his parents who unfortunately did not pick up, but he left a message. He then continued by texting his aunt, and before he got around to inform anyone else he got a text from his sister that “I hear rumors from (aunt) that the baby has arrived, thanks for letting me know”. DH were left a bit perplex because he was just then in the process of contacting his sister, and a bit unhappy that his aunt had spilled the beans on our behalf.
The day after, my SIL called her brother and was unhappy that aunt D was given the news before her. DH tried to explain that the notification time between her and aunt D was literally one minute (which can be proven by looking at time stamps on the phone calls and text messages involved). She accused him of lying and deliberately shutting her out. Nothing more came of that conversation.
My problem with this is two things – First of all, I very much dislike that other family members take it upon themselves to spread such information, unless explicitly told to pass it on on our behalf. (I must add that NO social media announcement had been made at this point, so I didn’t consider it public knowledge that the baby had arrived). But the aunt in question is a bit old and although she means no harm she doesn’t always think things through. I have chalked it up to a unfortunate slip om her behalf.
Second, my biggest issue is this – I think my SIL is acting bratty and rude when she apparently is offended that she was not “higher up on the list of people informed” and accused my husband of lying to her when he tried to explain what actually went down. She even said after his explanation that she don’t know who to believe and she don’t like being lied to. What’s to believe or not?? She was in the group of people that we prioritized to tell first, but someone beat us to it.. Get over yourself and accept that our first priority is to inform those closest to us about the baby’s arrival and not necessarily dwell too long on who is higher in the family hierarchy and thus must be treated this way.
Am I wrong? Should we have handled this differently?
I must add that SIL often creates this type of drama and it has really started to rub me the wrong way so I just might be a bit biased in my judgement of her behavior, but the bottom line is that she is not at all the focal point of this happening, she would have been informed promptly when things had settled down (so no deliberate shunning or otherwise “keeping her out” on our part), and I think that she should really get over herself and not make a fuss over the fact that “aunt x was told before me and I feel overlooked”.
Or she could just be the bigger person and let it go because me and DH just went through this big ordeal and this is not the time to create drama over nothing.
Any thoughts? 0823-18
There are situations in life where you just want to roll your eyes and insist that certain people get over it. SIL is a drama queen who turns the focus of a new family member into being all about her not getting an exclusive update. Sheesh, get over it, SIL! In the grand scheme of life this is so petty to waste emotions and time over.
And Aunt Blabbermouth races to share news that isn’t hers, even beating out the father of the baby. If you are one of those people who immediately shares dramatic news you’ve just discovered, be it either a happy event like the birth of a child or a sad one like the unexpected death, you should carefully examine why you feel the need to share that information when you are likely not the original “owner” of that information. I’ve seen too many situations where a death is announced prematurely on social media by people who are not closely connected to the deceased.
New information has an “owner”, in this case it was the OP and her husband as the new parents. They “loan” out the information to others who should be asking, “Can I share this?” , or , “Is this to be kept private for a little while?” It is wrong to assume you “own” someone else’s news announcement and can circumvent how and when they want that news to be distributed. It won’t kill you to wait to say anything. In fact, I relish in the secrecy that I am one of the few who knows the whole story.
Dear OP, the only thing I might have done differently was to wait until you reached Husband’s parents with the news before moving on to other people. It’s a small courtesy considering that they were one of the very few who knew you were heading to the hospital but not a big faux pas to beat yourself about.