I am 20+ weeks pregnant with my first child. It is the first grandchild of both sides so understandably the grandparents to be are excited. Unfortunately my MIL and FIL are excited to the point of being hyperactive children. My FIL wants to videotape the entire procedure and my MIL keeps gushing about how all her friends are going to be so jealous about how she’s going to be the first person to see the baby to the point of being tasteless. She crudely joked that if I take too long in labour she’s going to get FIL to strap me down to a table and yank the kid out of me. When I get upset she just dismisses me by saying that I’m just jealous the baby is going to love her more.
Understandably, this is giving me nightmares to the point where I don’t even want the in-laws around my child. I have stopped going over but they complain to my husband about not seeing me. I can’t post on Facebook or Instagram because they hijack my posts saying all sorts of overly positive things like “can’t wait to see meet you baby,” “make sure you eat only organic foods , only the best for my grandchild” and I look petty complaining or blocking them.
It’s just so exhausting being around them. They’re already talking about turning a spare room into a nursery so they can have overnight visits with my child and joke about my husband and I having “adult nights” on those days.
My husband doesn’t seem to care. He just shrugs off their behavior and says that’s how they are or they’ll settle down once the child is a few months old but in the meantime I feel like I’m out in the middle of a storm naked. 0928-18
Are you in the UK? I don’t know what the privacy standards are in UK hospitals or birthing centers but in the US it’s easy to keep specific person or persons out of the labor room. Just tell the head nurse. There will be no videotaping or photography of anything if you do not wish it. Have a talk now with the birthing center or hospital head nurse as to your wishes.
As a former first time grandmother, I can assure you that your MIL’s friends are not invested in being jealous that she might be the first person to see the baby. They likely don’t care. Among my friends, it was typically the mother of the pregnant woman who was allowed in the birthing room to be with her daughter, no husbands and no MIL. Just mom. So consider limiting people in the room to just your husband, the doula/midwife if you have one, the medical staff and your mom claiming nerves as a first time mom. You are about to have a new experience that, while women had given birth for millennia, you have not and it’s scary. You don’t know what to expect.
Your MIL has, perhaps unwittingly, prioritized the future grandbaby over your comfort, almost as if you are the incubator, the means by which she gets a grandchild. That is insensitive and you should tell them that you are not comfortable with the joking at this time.
P.S. Grandmoms may be great but no one replaces mom in a child’s heart, even when they are 30 years old. Be a good mother and all will be well.