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Parents Don’t Owe Their Adult Kids A Dedicated Guest Room In The House Either

This was submitted by the same OP who wrote and submitted yesterday’s post. It would appear that there are more sides to the family dynamics than meets the eye.

If you meet or engage someone coming from a perspective that the other person is evil, disgusting, beyond repulsive…people are not stupid. They can pick up on that attitude reeking from every pore of your body and it will not go well.

My father lives in a beautiful townhouse with my stepmother ,lets just call her Cruella. She’s the most materialistic selfish slut, flabbergasted that he married her. The townhouse is appointed with the finest of everything, marble floors, ornate fireplaces, ornate doors, the works. Well, heaven, forbid anyone stay at their “palace” because family wasn’t a priority, their money was. They transformed the second bedroom into their marble inlaid spa room, complete with Jacuzzi tub and marble walls. Yes, marble walls. So they had one bedroom just to make sure no one could ever ever stay there, even when I drove 1000 miles to see them with two small children.

Well, Cruella didn’t speak to or hold either child and went outside to chain smoke for hours. Mind you this was the first time they met their two year old grandson. My father then asks where I’m going to stay. Ummmm…I ended up staying with the awful step sister Jaci. Now Jaci is just like the mother, loud, slutty, no filter. Just horrible. I go to put a movie in, a gross porn movie pops out. Omg. Gross. I just go to bed while my 8 year old has to sleep on the couch. While she’s falling asleep blasting reality tv shows.

The next day we go to the zoo and my father and I pack a nasty lunch of bologna sandwiches And a bag of chips. This guy makes easily $150,000 a year, made twice that when I was a kid but business slowed a tad. I’m not expecting a steakhouse but maybe a lunch somewhere decent?? Applebee’s, Hardee’s?? He hasn’t seen us in seven years, maybe a little splurge on us?? Mind you, I went to the store to buy the kids’ groceries because he had no food. He refused to pay for any groceries for us but whatever. He’s always been cheap but Cruella made him much worse.

So we leave the next day when my step sister’s son, a$$hole of the century, begins to tear me a new one. I’m “disgusting ” for putting a diaper on my two year old on the carpet. He’s clean, the diaper is clean, just sliding it on. He then yells at me that I’m rude and unappreciative and a pig and a slob and I have no respect and everyone there hates me which is why no one visits me. No one else is home, Jaci went to work so I’m left alone with this 13 year old cretin. I told him we were leaving and I never wanted to see him again. I told my father and Jaci. My father is disappointed but doesn’t do anything. Jaci says not a word about it, no apology, no card. Nothing. Little bastard. Didn’t drive 1000 miles to be treated like garbage by her obnoxious rude little pig. I will never go back.

The best part of the trip was the ride home where we stopped off at a lovely little ornate bakery/candy store in rural PA where we bought an amazing lemon cake and candy and enjoyed a fun ride home of sweets and stopped at a wonderful hotel with an indoor pool. 1211-18

{ 75 comments… add one }
  • Michelle January 8, 2019, 9:15 am

    It’s pretty clear that this OP hates new her stepfamily, so I would suggest not visiting or interacting with them all. You called your stepmother and stepsister sluts, her child a asshole and bastard, so it’s very, very clear that you should stay away.

    • Mizz Etiquette January 8, 2019, 10:24 am

      Exactly. The OP sounds very unhappy and should stay away.

  • HappyMama January 8, 2019, 9:18 am

    Wow. If you dial back your scathing opinions of your family and step-family, you might see that the treatment that you received (at least from your story here), was actually normal-to-gracious.

    Firstly, your father and his wife can have whatever kind of home they choose – they live there day to day, not you. They pay for the home, not you. If they want a foyer full of animal feathers and holiday lights, they can have that. If it’s been their desire to have a full-jacuzzi room with marble walls (which sounds AWESOME!!!), why should they keep an empty bedroom available instead, just in case you might want to come for a visit occasionally? It is unreasonable for you to criticize that choice.

    It sounds like you did not take responsibility to plan ahead for you or your children’s shelter or food and instead put that responsibility on your stepfamily’s sense of generosity. They let you stay at their home with no warning because you did not make a hotel reservation or (assumedly) discuss lodging with your father beforehand. Maybe if they had known that you and your children were going to be guests, they would have had time to remove whatever they were viewing from their DVD player – and even if not, their house, their life, their choices! And while your father was giving of his time to visit the zoo with you and your children, you choose to criticize the food that he purchased for your children.

    I don’t know about anyone else, but when I’m a guest at anyone’s house, whether for dinner or for the weekend, I appreciate their generosity of time, space and attention so much that I come with gifts in hand for them and I treat them to a nice “splurge” meal out – I never expect it the other way around.

    • Teapot January 8, 2019, 3:18 pm

      OP bought the food herself because she claimed that her father didn’t have any food and she was forced to pay for it herself. So if she finds boloney so disgusting, why did she buy it?

      Yesterday’s diatribe was somewhat entertaining. This one is full of a lot more venom. I can’t decide if these submissions are fiction, or fact.

  • MusicWithRocksInIt January 8, 2019, 9:32 am

    You drove 1,000 miles with two children and just…. assumed someone would have a bed and space for all three of you? You didn’t discuss where you were staying before going there? How did this not come up? It sounds like they though you were staying in a hotel room, which is totally reasonable if no one actually offered you a place to stay.

    Also – most people who don’t change diapers daily (or used to change diapers daily) find diapers gross. I would not be super thrilled to have one changed directly on my carpet without a changing pad. Especially if it was a guest that I unexpectedly had to make room for in my home because they didn’t make plans of their own.

    • NicoleK January 8, 2019, 1:09 pm

      Yeah, the default when people visit their parents is that they will be staying with them. It’s up to the parents to make that clear if it isn’t possible. If someone, ANYONE calls me let alone my close family, and says they are driving a thousand miles to see me you can bet I will be putting clean sheets on the guest bed.

      I do think there is something wrong with a dad who won’t do that, and sure, if their apartment can’t accommodate then it can’t, I’ve lived in a studio, I get it… that’s when you say “Would you rather sleep on the couch or shall I email you a list of local hotels?”

      I don’t know what the social norms are where you guys live, but the social norms where I am, when someone comes to visit the family they stay with them, and the grandparents ask around and borrow changing pads, cribs, strollers, etc. It’s certainly what I will do should that happy day arrive. But even if you don’t go that far, if someone is coming to visit from thousands of miles away, you put them up and if you can’t you tell them.

      • Jane January 8, 2019, 5:40 pm

        Op said her father does not have a guest room.

      • Lynne January 8, 2019, 8:11 pm

        Is it also the norm to go 7 years without seeing one another? This was a sort of reunion meeting, and I find it more understandable that grandpa wouldn’t be as engaged with the kids, or aware of their possible needs. I certainly wouldn’t think of changing pads for a 2 year old – by that age, if they are still in diapers, I just change them standing up – but it’s more reasonable to assume that their mother will plan for her own child’s needs while traveling, than that an estranged grandparent meeting the child for the first time would.

      • GreenThing January 8, 2019, 8:39 pm

        The dad literally didn’t have a second bedroom. The daughter stayed with her stepsister because the former second bedroom was now a bathroom. There was no bed for the dad to put clean sheets on.

      • MusicWithRocksInIt January 9, 2019, 9:10 am

        You can assume that you are staying at someones house when and only when you are INVITED to stay at someone’s house. Unlike the LW, I am super close to my parents, and would still never just assume I could sleep there. At the very least you say – “Hey, when I am in town can I stay with you?”. We know they don’t have a close relationship, she clearly hates her step mother and didn’t speak to her father for two years because he stopped paying for her car. This is something you discuss while planning a visit. We have friends and family come to town all the time who would rather stay in a hotel and just pop by for a visit. If she never asked her father, who she was basically estranged from for years, if she could stay with them and he never offered her a place to stay then she was way out of line to be so offended they couldn’t offer her a guest room they didn’t even have.

      • Natalia May 15, 2019, 2:18 pm

        It depends on the family and how much space there is. If my parents didn’t have an extra room, I wouldn’t expect to stay with them. I don’t expect my parents to buy a certain size house so there is room for me to stay. People’s homes are not hotels.

    • Catherine St Clair January 8, 2019, 3:49 pm

      I didn’t read that she had been invited to come or that they knew she was coming.

    • Lynne January 8, 2019, 8:02 pm

      Yeah, and I’m skeptical, too. If the 2-year old was clean and the diaper was clean, what happened to the dirty diaper? Why not put the clean one on in the same area where you took 5he dirty one off? If you’re just “sliding on a clean one” then presumably the child is naked on the floor. Hygeine aside,no 13 year old is going to enjoy seeing some other child’s exposed private parts on their living room floor, and 2 years old is well past the baby stage.

    • Lenore January 9, 2019, 9:41 am

      Better the baby be change on the carpet than what my SIL did. She changed her baby on our bed, which had a handmade quilt (made by my Mom) on it. She didn’t tell me she was changing a nappy, else I would have been happy to put a towel down as a barrier. I was so flabbergasted that a naked baby butt (that just recently was covered in liquid poop) was touching an heirloom quilt, and something my husband and I *slept* under, that I couldn’t say anything.
      I understand when you have a baby, you kind of have to become a bit hardened about vomit, pee, poop, spit etc, but changing a poopy diaper on someone’s bed is just not cool.

  • bopper January 8, 2019, 9:58 am

    I think that would be the last trip I made out there.

  • sam January 8, 2019, 10:07 am

    also not understanding someone who would “drive 1000 miles” to visit someone without confirming beforehand where they were staying. That’s…pretty presumptuous in and of itself.

    • NicoleK January 8, 2019, 1:10 pm

      I don’t think so. If someone was driving 1000 miles to see me, even an acquaintance, I’d assume I was putting them up.

      And if it was my KID? This is her DAD!!!!

      • Natalia May 15, 2019, 2:19 pm

        Yeah, but who drives 1000 miles to see someone and doesn’t let them know ahead of time that they’re coming? I’d be a little taken aback, what if I already have people staying with me? What if I’m about to leave for a vacation? If someone wants to stay with someone, you need to use proper etiquette and let them know ahead of time. Also, you shouldn’t assume you can stay with someone..

    • Catherine St Clair January 8, 2019, 3:45 pm

      I can’t help wondering if she was invited to come or if she just arrived on their doorstep with her children in tow. That is a very long drive to make with small children in any event.

  • wendelenn January 8, 2019, 10:09 am

    I’d be pretty disgusted by someone who changed their child’s diaper on the carpet, too, unless it was on top of a changing mat. Yuck!

  • VickyJoJo January 8, 2019, 10:17 am

    I read yesterday’s story and today. I don’t believe a word of either one. There is too much drama, name calling and poor family interaction to be believable.

    That said, if this is true this letter writer has an unbelievable sense of entitlement. No one is required to keep a guest room for children or guests. Personally my daughter will always have a room in my home if I continue to live here after she is flown and grown. But that is my choice and my daughter would not expect it.

    This OP needs to grow up. And while she doesn’t have to be besties with her step family, a little kindness and consideration goes a long way. If she didn’t like the accommodations at the step sisters, go to a hotel.

    • jessiebird January 9, 2019, 11:20 am

      Dear Readers who wonder if this is true,

      I envy you never having met people like this. There is a grain of truth, probably, but so much is left out of the story because usually, the storyteller doesn’t realize how egregious and offensive her own behavior is, so the responses of others are not responses, but are inexplicable hostility towards them.

      I’m sorry for them to be in this world where they can’t understand why everyone seems unfriendly but I also prefer to stay far away because it is only a matter of time before I become the target. I haven’t been wrong when I’ve predicted it. Sigh.

  • Mizz Etiquette January 8, 2019, 10:22 am

    I really have to wonder how much of this is exaggerated.

    The OP and Dad didn’t discuss beforehand where she’d be staying? If she wasn’t going to stay there, then Dad should have told her PRIOR to her arrival, “Hey, you’ll need to get a hotel.”

    This is an extremely one-sided story. Everyone sounds miserable in this family.

    • EchoGirl January 10, 2019, 12:41 am

      I agree. OP isn’t blameless, but better communication on all sides would seem to be needed. If I invited someone to come visit me and couldn’t put them up, I’d at least make sure I made that clear.

  • Devin January 8, 2019, 10:24 am

    This story plus yesterday’s paints a whole new picture on the OP and her family. Mostly it just sounds like the family doesn’t have any sort of communication skills. Did she know, or think to ask, about the housing situation before driving 1000 miles? It doesn’t seem like she had any problem getting a hotel for the trip back, so why not just get a hotel while visiting? Or did dad do a bait and switch, asking her to come visit with the grandchildren and not mention the guest room was no longer available?
    OP, cut your losses, if this family brings you such negativity and misery, then remove them from your life. If someone has hurt you to the point you feel the need to call your step mother and step sisters sluts, then stop associating with them! They obviously bring out the worst in you, making you appear petty and vulgar.

    • Collakat January 10, 2019, 6:10 am

      Totally agree with Devin

  • Rinme January 8, 2019, 11:20 am

    It’s pretty safe to assume that the boy reflected the sentiments of those around him.

    OP should take notice. Seems that she and her family feel exactly the same way about each other.

  • Chris January 8, 2019, 11:21 am

    I seriously am smelling a troll on both of these stories.

  • Harry's Mom January 8, 2019, 11:22 am

    Obviously there is a LOT more background than we are seeing. Yes, the OP has a lot of hostility towards her Dad’s new family, but it’s not fair for us to judge as we do not know the backstory.
    These types of posts are not helpful. It’s akin to airing out a soiled bedsheet. I do not see how we can make etiquette judgements on what is really just a toxic relationship in dire need of help. That is my humble opinion.

    • Natalia May 15, 2019, 2:22 pm

      It also sounds made up or at the very least a big overreaction….

      Also, if she hates her stepfamily, why is she interacting with them?

  • Shoegal January 8, 2019, 11:35 am

    The OP calls everyone in her story a nasty name but fails to supply the evidence to support her claims. The Stepmother is materialistic, loud, slutty – why? What has she done? Is it because her and her husband (your father) like nice things or she likes to smoke? It isn’t a crime. Is it because they don’t like house guests? Not an offense – it’s their preference. Jaci is also slutty and loud – is it because she likes porn movies? Or because she gave you a place to sleep? Opened up her home for your use. Your father is cheap – refusing to feed you. I just have to wonder who supplied the disgusting bologna sandwiches and chips if he wouldn’t pay for groceries and doesn’t have any food? Why didn’t you bought and pack something better for you and your children? To be fair the 13 year old probably got in your face but that is what 13 year olds are like. I’m not entirely sure why you deserved the speech from him – but you didn’t go into what kind of guest you were. Perhaps you were messy and rude – you didn’t appreciate that you had a place to sleep and didn’t have to foot the bill for a hotel room. Your father could have been better to you but I’m not sure you deserve any better.

  • pennywit January 8, 2019, 11:40 am

    Yesterday’s message was incoherent. This message is more coherent, but OP still filters grievances through immaturity. The result is a complete mess.

  • JD January 8, 2019, 12:41 pm

    OP’s dad hasn’t seen OP in seven years but he’s expected to keep a guest room ready for them? Why? All of this is incredible.

    • admin January 8, 2019, 3:22 pm

      The consequences of not having a guest room applies to not only the OP’s side of the family but the step mother’s as well. It’s not like the father deliberately choose to renovate his home in order to spite his estranged daughter and only her.

      • EchoGirl January 10, 2019, 12:46 am

        That’s what hit me as well. OP seems to be under the impression that the removal of the second bedroom was specifically done to spite her. Yes, I’m sure they renovated their entire house not to give themselves something they wanted but specifically so you couldn’t stay there. /s

        With Monday’s story, I felt like there might be fault on all sides. This one much more clearly feels like OP wants everyone to stop what they’re doing and accommodate her. (In retrospect, I’m wondering if this and the multitude of other stories Admin mentioned in the Wednesday post might have influenced her interpretation of the first story — I too would be less inclined to give OP the benefit of the doubt on that story if it came mixed in with stories more along the lines of this one.)

    • Catherine St Clair January 8, 2019, 3:42 pm

      A friend of mine gave away his daughter’s bedroom furniture from her childhood bedroom and she was aghast that he would do such a thing. He wanted to use the room for another purpose and told her, “You are married and you have three children. You are not coming home; and you don’t need this room.”

      • sam January 9, 2019, 10:25 am

        maybe it’s just because we moved a few times when I was a kid, and then my parents actually sold “our” house* when I was in college, but I’m just not that sentimental about childhood stuff. When I go to visit my dad and stepmom, I have a room that I normally stay in, but it’s not “my” room – if we have a bunch of guests then we shuffle things around depending on what makes the most sense based on the actual guest configuration. But none of that has anything to do with our actual relationship, which is great.

        *my parents had to downsize pretty drastically because my mom had cancer (that she eventually died from) and the medical bills over seven years of that horror show, even with “good” insurance were a horror show. Also, stairs were a bit of an issue for my mom at a certain point, so the house was a problem even without the medical bills. Given that my brother and I were both in college/law school at the time, maintaining a three-story, three-bedroom house so that we could visit on school break seemed kind of ridiculous. They downsized to an apartment with a small spare bedroom much closer to the hospital.

      • EchoGirl January 10, 2019, 12:49 am

        I mean, I think it would’ve been nice to offer the daughter herself the furniture (unless he did and she declined), in case she had sentimental attachment to it; I’d be a little sad if my parents gave away my childhood furniture without even asking if I wanted it. But he’s certainly not obligated to maintain a ROOM for her.

  • DGS January 8, 2019, 12:44 pm

    Ugh, the OP from today makes the OP from yesterday sound like a peach.

    1) You clearly hate your stepfamily (who at least, according to this post, have done nothing to be offensive). Stay away from them. Don’t drive a thousand miles to visit. Don’t grace them with your presence. Don’t bother.

    2) It is disgusting to change a diaper on the rug if there is nothing between the child’s bottom and the rug. Put a towel or a blanket under the baby, and then, change the diaper. Nobody wants fecal matter or urine on the rug.

    3) If the stepsister chooses to watch pornography in her home in her spare time, provided that she is of legal age, that is her choice. It is not for me, but I don’t judge the perfectly legal choices of other adults. Her sex life, her choice.

    4) Your father has adult children (chronologically, not developmentally, as OP is clearly still in the throes of angry teenage years emotionally), not minors who are still dependent on him. He does not owe you or anyone a place to stay. It’s his life and his money, and if he wants to turn a spare bedroom into a massive opulent bathroom, that’s his choice. There are people who have media rooms, wine cellars, libraries and indoor pools in their homes instead of extra bedrooms. Provided it meets their needs, and provided that they are not relying on anyone else for money, that’s not up to you to decide. Now if you were a starving Dickensian orphan shivering in rags whilst your father indulged in a lavish meal in a cozy, warm home with his new family, that would be something to be concerned about, but OP, you are clearly old enough and financially stable enough to drive across the country with your children, take them to the zoo and treat them to sweets and a hotel with a pool on the way home. Dad doesn’t owe you a place to stay.

    5) And finally and most importantly, does no one communicate in that family? It appeared that the OP had ambushed the family with her visit. Or, is the relationship beyond repair, so the father couldn’t possibly imagine why his daughter would want to stay with him and his wife?

    • Dana January 8, 2019, 12:53 pm

      I have to admit, I laughed at the Dickensian orphan line…

  • Dana January 8, 2019, 12:52 pm

    Reading between the lines, I get the feeling that the OP simply showed up to her father’s house, expecting a room and food. But maybe that’s just me.

    I’m having a hard time with this OP’s submissions. They are difficult to read and she seems to expect her father to give her everything because he has money. If she’s having that much difficulty with them, perhaps she needs to stop contact with them.

    • AS January 9, 2019, 4:47 pm

      I got exactly those impressions too- that OP just showed up, and expected to be accommodated. And that she expects dad dearest to give here everything, because he has he money!

  • Michelle January 8, 2019, 12:57 pm

    It’s the same OP, per Admin: “This was submitted by the same OP who wrote and submitted yesterday’s post.”

    • Michelle January 8, 2019, 12:59 pm

      ? That was supposed to be a replay to DGS.

  • NicoleK January 8, 2019, 1:04 pm

    No, they don’t owe their adult kids a guest room, but parents who love their family and make them a priority will try to have one. That the parents didn’t speaks to how they view their kids, and so they shouldn’t be surprised when the kids view them negatively right back. This dad is making a point of rejecting his daughter. He certainly doesn’t HAVE to lovingly embrace her, but yes, I do think there is something wrong with parents who don’t do that.

    • justme January 8, 2019, 3:47 pm

      I disagree you. Parents should not have to put their lives on hold in the off chance that their adult child will visit them once every 7 years.

    • Wren January 8, 2019, 4:18 pm

      I don’t think it works in absolutes like that. I’m still very close with my parents, as is my sister but understandably since we both moved out, they’ve downsized and now if I stay over, I usually sleep on a couch because my sister and her husband get the single guest room. What happens if a couple has 2-3 kids? Are they supposed to keep a large house with multiple bedrooms on the off chance their children might all visit at the same time?

    • HiTanz January 9, 2019, 3:06 am

      I’m sorry, but I completely disagree. We are an incredibly close family but it would never occur to me or my siblings to ‘demand’ to stay at our parents house; because it is their house, not ours. Their life, their house, do not revolve around me, their adult daughter. I love them too much to demand that they cater to me!

    • Elisabeth January 9, 2019, 4:22 pm

      Maybe a daughter who calls her stepmother a disgusting, chainsmoking slut and calls her stepsister a filthy slut and calls her stepnephew a bastard asshole…isn’t a pleasant person for this father to have in his home.

      In her last post she claimed that she couldn’t put a car in her name for “months” because she had no credit, yet was almost immediately able to do so once he threatened to involve the police. From his point of view, she moved out of state, yet kept his car and presumably his insurance and let him pay for it – likely while being hostile to the stepmother. And when he called her, possibly to patch things up, she hung up on him and didn’t speak to him for two years. She pitched a fit when Daddy made her take some responsibility, blamed it all on her “slutty” stepmother, and refused to speak to him for YEARS.

      Daughter or not, that does not sound like someone that this man wants to invite into his home.

  • staceyizme January 8, 2019, 1:05 pm

    W-o-w! Who cares if the town home is appointed with the finest of everything? Or how much money dad makes?
    When OP drove 1,000 miles to visit, did she arrange for a place to stay? Ask dad if she could stay at his place?
    Either this story is pure fiction, also. Or OP needs therapy, stat- like NOW to get past her toxic connection to this dad who isn’t ever going to live up to her expectations and whom she only seems to value for money. Maybe the “finer things in life” are a family value and if so, there’s no harm in that. But the venom and the entitlement don’t make for an attractive personality.
    OP- if your family disappointed you and were completely awful, I’m sorry. That totally sucks and you might still be trapped in that cycle of anger and hurt. The thing is, it’s hurting YOU! Who do you want to be? How do you want to be remembered by your kids? If Dad and stepmom are toxic for you, don’t visit, don’t ruminate, don’t comment, don’t relate at ALL unless/ until you have done enough personal work that the past no longer bothers you. Hating them doesn’t help you. It traps you and gives them lots of power over your life. There’s a way out of this mess, but it’s all YOU to get it done. Find whatever brand of faith, counseling, friends and coaching that work for you and DO THEM. You can have a good and happy life and use your gifts, talents and energy for far more creative, productive and significant purposes than dissing a parent and other family. I hope you’ll turn over a new leaf, purely from healthy self-interest, and move towards a better place this year.

  • pennywit January 8, 2019, 1:15 pm

    As a general rule, I don’t think it’s a good idea to use Disney villain names as pseudonyms unless the person so named actually traffics in sleep-inducing apples or has sung a proper villain song.

    • FunkyMunky January 8, 2019, 11:41 pm

      Reading this mess of a submission was worth it for this comment.

      I tip my hat to you, Madam/Sir.

      • pennywit January 9, 2019, 2:15 pm

        Glad you liked. I mean, if OP started out with “My stepmother, ‘Cruella’, recently purchased a bunch of Dalmatian puppies just to make a coat!!” I’d be more on OP’s side.

  • Anon January 8, 2019, 1:42 pm

    I cannot form an opinion on the family relations here, because I’m so distracted by the name-calling. “Slut” seems like such an anachronistic insult. In this day and age, people–women in particular–are free to engage in sexual activity however they like. There is no shame in a woman enjoying sex, enjoying it with a person outside of the bounds of marriage (I don’t mean cheating, I just mean not married), or enjoying it with different people. Other people’s sex lives are simply none of my concern, and people get to make decisions for themselves. There is nothing subversive, shameful, or destructive about a woman enjoying herself. It certainly isn’t a matter to be insulted. Also, it is confusing for the OP to call her stepmother a slut. Does she mean that she sleeps around and cheats on her dad?? I don’t get it. OP, time to find a new vocabulary.

    • Catherine St Clair January 8, 2019, 3:37 pm

      I cannot even name a mainstream religion, however conservative, that forbids married people from having a sexual relationship.

      • pennywit January 9, 2019, 12:04 pm


    • Lynne January 8, 2019, 7:55 pm

      I’m other circumstances, I’d say it’s likelier that her stepmother had an affair while her father was still with her mother – or else that her mother demonized his new relationship by characterizing it as such, and the daughter followed suite.

      However, this OP is so over-the-top: her voice reads more like a 12-14 year old, and the name-calling feels just as randomly juvenile.

  • Kay_L January 8, 2019, 2:26 pm

    Sounds like the OP and her family should apply to be on the Jerry Springer show. Is it still around?

  • Catherine St Clair January 8, 2019, 3:33 pm

    My first thought is that this is the story of an uninvited guest. People who have a large town home with multiple fireplaces, but only one bedroom, are making a statement about guests-no one will be spending the night. It isn’t up to a parent to pay for an adult’s groceries. If you are not staying with someone (especially if you were not invited to do so), they are not required to splurge on you, whatever their income is. Changing a two year old on a carpet is not something one does unless the homeowner says that it is where a child can be changed. Calling people names won’t win anyone any points. An adult is expected to set the standard for children to follow. When you break every rule for being a visitor, you should not return. In fact, you should not have gone at all.

  • AFST January 8, 2019, 3:42 pm

    OP sounds like a low-rent Samantha Markle (who is already low-rent; so effectively, she’s low-rent squared).

    • Jen d. January 8, 2019, 5:27 pm

      Yes! This story kind of sounds fake, it that’s partly because I can’t believe anyone would have that mentality. Then I look at the Markles and I realize that those people really do exist.

  • Bea January 8, 2019, 4:48 pm

    This is so uncomfortable and vile to read through! I have no sympathies for anyone who calls people so many filthy names.

    I’m sure theyr’e okay with you not coming over again. I’m hoping your dad’s family is much kinder to him than you are. You seem to really care that he makes “a lot” of money and that you’re entitled to him spending it on you.

  • Jane January 8, 2019, 5:32 pm

    Wow. I was willing to give the OP the benefit of the doubt in the last post because I felt like maybe all the information wasn’t there, but I’ve changed my mind. Calling family members a slut, using a$$hole to describe a child, acting like your family owes. OP comes across incredibly rude and difficult to be around. Many people have difficult families and being hateful towards them doesn’t help the situation, it just causes it to become worse.
    Also, Why were arrangements of where you were staying not made before you left on your trip? A lot of assuming here from your end, OP.

  • InTheEther January 8, 2019, 5:59 pm

    I’ll agree the OP needs to tone down the vitriol.

    But let’s break this down. OP and at least dad plan to have OP and child visit so he can meet his grandchild, as I don’t believe the OP would make that trip just to arrive unexpectedly. Maybe there was just poor communication and the OP assumed she and child would have a guest room. Which regardless of what everyone has said, is actually the standard arrangement.
    Kinda sucks that she got there and when it turns out the guest room has been removed all her father can say is “well, where are you staying?”. Not “Oh shoot, I forgot you didn’t know the room was gone”. Just a ‘well, this is none of my problem’.
    Then, no greeting from stepmom. Instead she goes outside so she can have no interaction with the guests. Which is rude. People have ragged on this in plenty of other stories.
    No food is provided and OP has to go out and provide her own necessities. Which is RUDE! Others have been absolutely torn apart for this in other stories. But I guess that doesn’t matter as the admin presented this story as ‘look at this horrible OP’.
    Interesting note, having porn out with small children might actually be construed as a crime. I know showing it to children is. Allowing children to be able to even get to it is if your a store. Not sure about the legal specifics here. In any case, kinda gross.
    Keeping people up because you want to watch the tv at its highest volume? Yep, rude once again. And again pretty sure that’s had the finger wag here on this site.
    Then when the OP puts a diaper on her kid the 13 year old tears into her. A) as some other people seem to agree, where is she to do this other than the floor? From the post, it sounds like we’re talking about a pull up. No mess, no feces, just slipping a new one on. It’s not like this is a resteraunt with a dedicated changing station. And B) where do you think the 13 year old heard this all from? The OP’s step family had been pretty clearly talking smack about her. If I had said anything like that to a guest my ears would still be ringing. But nope, nothing is said to refute this or to chastise him. There’s a word that starts with R that I think really applies to this situation. I wonder what it is?

    The OP has a bad attitude when it comes to her step family. But you know what, I would too after being presented with this much proof that they disliked me and wanted me gone. Get onto her about how she wrote the story, but she actually was treated pretty poorly.

    • ladyv21454 January 9, 2019, 8:30 am

      In other circumstances, I’d agree that OP wouldn’t have driven that far just to arrive unexpectedly. However, as we saw from yesterday’s post, OP has a highly developed sense of entitlement. One would think, however, if she was really estranged from Dad for seven years, she would realize she MIGHT not be especially welcome.

      As for the stepmother going outside to “smoke for hours” – outside of the obvious exaggeration, if someone had the same attitude towards you that OP has towards her stepmother, would YOU want to be around her?

      • InTheEther January 9, 2019, 2:46 pm

        Occam’s razor, the simpler theory is more likely to be true. What’s simpler, OP arrived for a planned visit (even if poorly planned), or that she thought ‘hey I have a really poor relationship with the step family. I think I’ll drag my family, including a toddler, over a thousand miles to show up unannounced.

        I’m not arguing that the OP doesn’t have a bad attitude or that she doesn’t have issues she needs to deal with.

        I’m pointing out that this is an etiquette site and when you strip out the vitriol, the step family actually showed pretty poor behavior to a guest. And I seem to be the only one. Everyone else is just having fun bashing on the OP and calling her names (the very thing that seems to have made her a target in the first place).

        You addressed two points, useing the assumption that she was a surprise guest for one of them. What about keeping people up when they’re trying to sleep? Having porn IN the DVD player? Forcing a guest to buy their own food? Well, I guess not forced as the option to leave was always there, but she’s also being bashed for eventually taking that option.
        There were all sorts of etiquette fails on the side of the step family, but all anyone (including the admin) is going on about is the name calling (which is bad) and how selfish she is for expecting that they’d have somewhere for her and the kids to sleep.

        • InTheEther January 9, 2019, 2:48 pm

          Apologies if I missed someone else’s post where they also said something about the step family’ behavior.

        • Natalia May 15, 2019, 2:11 pm

          Yeah, maybe her step family did fail etiquette wise, but come on! Her attitude is poor…her post is immature and quite rude…also a lot of stuff seems exaggerated.. nasty bologna sandwiches? Really, how nasty could they be? Are they nasty or is she just saying that because she’s unhappy they can’t go to a restaurant?

  • Marozia January 8, 2019, 8:11 pm

    I’m sorry, OP, not on your side here.
    You knew what they were like, why did you visit them?
    Stay away.

  • GreenThing January 8, 2019, 8:37 pm

    We live relatively close to both my parents and in-laws, enough that we see both families about once a month. Both houses have a bedroom where my husband and I can stay with our son. I still call and ask if we can stay as opposed to just expecting there to be room. What if my brother is visiting? What if my husband’s grandmother is spending the night? I can’t imagine driving 1000 miles without knowing where I’m going to sleep, especially if I have two kids with me.

  • psyche January 9, 2019, 3:16 am

    Judging by the way OP talks about her family, I have a sneaking suspicion the phrase “spoiled brat” is used liberally by her stepfamily.

  • ladyv21454 January 9, 2019, 8:34 am

    When I read yesterday’s submission, I thought it was something that had happened recently, and chalked the OP’s attitude up to her age and immaturity. Now I find out that the whole car thing happened at LEAST 8 years ago (as she has an 8 year old son and there was no mention in yesterday’s story of her needing the car because of children). Who the hell hangs on to something like that with such venom for that long? I wonder how long ago THIS story took place?

  • Princess Buttercup January 10, 2019, 11:12 pm

    Yes they installed a Jacuzzi in their house, a thousand miles from you, just to inconvenience you in case you ever decided to visit… :-/

  • Kitty January 12, 2019, 7:40 pm

    You make it clear you don’t like your stepfamily, so why the heck are you even visiting? If you want to see your father, make it clear that you are there to visit him, and only him, so you and your kids can be with dad/granddad. Go to a place together. Even if this may mean you go dutch. (you paying for yourself and your kids, your dad paying for himself)

  • Ms T January 23, 2019, 6:32 pm

    Let’s take bets; if step-mom had stayed, would OP be criticising that:
    1) step-mom practically kidnapped the children while ignoring the OP
    2) step-mom stole the whole show and didn’t let the OP’s father have any time bonding with the kids
    3) step-mom treated the children coldly/held them wrong/something else that let her try to claim step-mom was unsafe and the kids nearly died

    Let’s all be honest, step-mom leaving to smoke seems like an amazingly gracious thing to do. OP has made it abundantly clear that she despises the step-mom, does not respect and thinks to be less than dirt. On the old forums, we’d be screaming to step-mom that she and the husband are a PAIR, and for her to insist to her husband that if his daughter can’t treat the BOTH of them with respect, then she wasn’t welcome in THEIR home in any fashion.

    And yet, the step-mom allowed the OP in her house, LEFT rather than be taunted into an argument, and still allowed her husband to have time with and try to foster a relationship with his child and grandchildren.
    Yep. “Cruella” indeed. /s

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