My grandson has been away at college, and we’ve barely seen him in months. Some weeks ago, his parents sent out the information for his graduation, which will require a 6-hour car drive and a hotel stay of at least one night. The graduation is Friday morning.
Last week we were given more information. He is free all day Thursday, but will have to leave immediately after graduation on Friday, and we won’t see him again for several months.
So, yesterday I get a text from his mother. They are requesting that only his “immediate” family (mother, father, younger siblings) spend the day with him on Thursday, the rest of us are invited to dinner Thursday night. Now, I don’t care because I won’t be arriving until late Thursday afternoon anyway, but his other grandparents had planned to go earlier to spend more time with him.
To me, this is a slap in the face to his other grandparents, who practically raised the boy until his parents finally got their act together.
I’ve seen this done with “small, intimate” weddings where allegedly only immediate family are invited but grandparents are excluded.
So, a parent or the parents inform extended family that the graduate will be home all day Thursday prior to graduation day and then a week later inform these same family members that they are now excluded from Thursday visitation. That’s inconsiderate, at best. The first announcement has the implied message to guests to make their travel plans accordingly in order to have time with the graduate on Thursday. Once those plans have been made, a new message is sent explaining that family guests are not welcome to show up on Thursday after all.
There is also an underlying assumption that the parents can act as their adult son’s social secretary, screening who can socially interact with him. While parents can dictate their own house rules and hosts can set the guest list, what a 22 year old man does outside of the parental home is not under parental control. In other words, grandson is quite capable of meeting grandparents for coffee or a short lunch outside of the home on Thursday.
So OP, what does your grandson have to say about this? Is he on board with the idea of not seeing any grandparents prior to dinner?