Once again I wake up on a Sunday morning to discover that *all* of my friends from a particular social group has been having a great time at a party on Saturday night that I have been left out of. Now, I know that I can’t expect to be invited to every party. I don’t invite everyone to everything I ever put on. HOWEVER if I am organising something big I will ensure that I am inviting the whole social group. I would hate to have anyone feel as left out as I was feeling last weekend. So I don’t expect an invite, and it would be rude for me to ask why I was excluded, but was the host also rude to exclude me? How does the etiquette balance itself here? It was a big party, and from the photos that I could see it included people who are in the social group but are slightly on the outside of it, those who are friends but not always invited to things. My non-invitation felt like a very deliberate snub. I was always taught that if I couldn’t invite everyone from a social group then I should either change plans to fit a larger group or invite fewer people. It’s pretty tempting to retaliate with my own snub, but I will be following my policy of “be the bigger person”. I will, however, be reevaluating this particular friendship. I realise that as an adult I should have moved away from these feelings of being left out by now – it all feels so very high school. For now though I have deleted my social media. At least if it happens again I won’t know about it. 0109-19
I recently read an interesting article on the subject of being rejected by friends. To summarize:
1.Certain persons simply will not like you not matter what you do, and no matter how likable you think you are, you’re not going to win over every person you meet.
2. Keep in mind that it’s not just normal to be occasionally disliked, but in fact, it’s healthy. Rejection is a way to suss out who’s compatible with whom, and just as getting romantically dumped by someone leaves you open to finding a better suited partner, getting axed from a social group gives you space to find folks that are a little more your speed.
3. It’s empowering not to fear being disliked . Yes! Preach it!
4. For the most part, being disliked is a measure of mutual compatibility. So, it’s not really that it’s not you but them, so much as it’s both you and them.
5. Sometimes, you just don’t offer them enough social capital to be worth their time.
6. While you shouldn’t always blame yourself if someone doesn’t like you, if you’re finding this is a pattern, you may want to take an unbiased look at your own behavior.
7. Tell the haters to suck it. At least, tell them in your head. Grover says that when all else fails, it’s best to embrace having the occasional enemy. “Delight in it. Really, just enjoy it,” he says. After all, as Grover says, sometimes it’s actually better to be formidable.
I suggest reading the whole article…good reading.