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Your Keychain Doesn’t Lie

Today’s post is on a subject I’ve been loath to discuss for months. When I expound on some tacky business, I always wonder if I am not in some way aiding and abetting a business’s tacky, rude or, in this case, gross crassness by giving them publicity. After all, even bad publicity is still advertising publicity in a culture that too quickly forgives and forgets.

But decent guys out there, pay attention. Because some skanky women out there are carrying around a new tool in their arsenal to deceive their way into marriage. It’s called a “fake engagement ring” by Ms.Taken. The web site advertises that one can “work the room in disguise” to keep the “freaks” at bay lest “they freeze out the real hot prospects.”     “Slip on the ring — a little bright lie that says you’re married to the man of your dreams (whenever he gets here).”

Hmmm….  What kind of woman flaunts a fake diamond ring while she’s “working the room”?  If the product video is any indication, she’s  skanky, course, vulgar, appearance obsessed.   Watching it almost had me laughing out loud because, to be honest,  the crude and  vulgar chicks are not much better than the “freaks” they want to avoid.  On the evolutionary scale, the Ms. Taken babes are the amphibians disdaining the primordial ooze they just crawled out of.    I can’t think of too many kind, honest, decent guys that would be attracted to the kind of woman represented in the product video.

So, thank your lucky stars, guys, that women who are willing to tell bright, little lies can be now be easily identified by their keychain so commit it to memory:

{ 22 comments… add one }
  • Joe September 28, 2009, 11:41 am

    I really don’t get the point of this product. Aren’t you warding off those single guys who have enough of a moral compass NOT to hit on a married/engaged lady, leaving only the scuzzballs who WOULD, which should be the creeps you are trying to avoid? And that’s not even factoring in the guys who just don’t pay attention to that sort of thing, which covers both nice guys AND creeps.

    And then there’s the fact that most department stores sell fake diamond rings like that one for $20 or less. Again, what’s the point of buying THIS one, other than that stupid keychain?

  • admin September 28, 2009, 3:47 pm

    You hit the nail on the head, Joe. Creepazoid men are not going to be deterred by an engagement ring on the hand and decent, respectable men *are* deterred by it.

  • Obi-Wandreas September 28, 2009, 8:17 pm

    Actually, upon further reflection, it appears to be the functional equivalent of a cloaking device.

    The woman cruises invisibly through the crowd, invisible to enemies. Finally, an appropriate target is located. Drop the cloak, raise shields, arm torpedoes AND…

    BOY it’s a good thing I’m already married.

  • Millie September 29, 2009, 12:19 am

    Good grief, are we really so unable to speak for ourselves that we have to wear ridiculous fake jewelry to protect us? The scary thing to me about a product like this is that it seems to be spreading the idea that there’s something rude about “no thank you.”

  • withit September 29, 2009, 12:24 am

    I generally like your sense of humor…but this time you missed the joke. The whole video was a response to “Jizz in My Pants”, a youtube sensation music video (also a joke, obviously). It even uses the same lighting and music. I actually liked “Puke in My Mouth”- you don’t see enough women taking the lead and joking about sexuality. Normally it is just men.

    The original video:

  • admin September 29, 2009, 6:57 am

    I didn’t miss the joke. I thought it was crass and vulgar. And I can’t fathom why women should seek equality with men who lack any discretion about sex.

  • HonorH September 29, 2009, 7:22 am

    I admit that I once had a faker engagement ring. I was working at a bookstore, in my early 20s and looking pretty good–and I got some incredibly creepy guys hitting on me. I bought the faker, a “diamond” solitaire, which I wore on a chain around my neck, and whenever I’d spot creepy regulars (I swear there were guys who only came into the bookstore to cruise for chicks), I’d whip it out. My fake fiance was Steve, and we were saving up enough money for a wedding. Probably not the best way to handle things, no, but I was young and unsure of myself and it was the road of least resistance.

  • Celes October 3, 2009, 3:45 pm

    I used to wear a ring on that finger to deflect guys. I was tired of strange men hiting on me and I had trouble telling someone to buzz off. It was nothing that I used to *get* a guy.

  • Alexis October 9, 2009, 5:38 pm

    The video was crude and vulgar. The expression itself is disgusting. The video, joke or not, was appalling.

  • Library Diva October 18, 2009, 3:26 pm

    I didn’t watch the video, but this concept is nothing new. My great-aunt, who never married and has now been dead for over 25 years, used to run a diner and had a fake diamond ring to discourage unwanted attention. Lots of women do this sort of thing when they want to have an enjoyable night out and not get hit on. I’ve never heard of anyone using it to *get* a guy either, but the idea of using it as a creep ward is generations old.

  • Ling October 20, 2009, 4:13 pm

    I have been hit on several times, despite my very real engagement and wedding rings. Their argument was often “what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him”. Erm, I would know, and it would very much hurt me, m´kay.
    I far as I understood it, you hid the ring in the keychain thingy, when a Nice One turned up. Because, as we all know, it is sooo hard to just hide it in a pocket?

  • geekgirl February 25, 2010, 3:53 pm

    I’ve worn a fake engagement ring, when I’ve just been out for a quiet drink and don’t want to be bothered – but never as a ‘pulling device’. It’s not that I go to pick-up joints – but around here it’s impossible for a single woman to just sit in Starbucks for half an hour in the afternoon without someone insisting that she ‘needs company’ – so the fake engagement ring was necessary.

  • Nicole March 5, 2010, 9:27 am

    I have to admit to having and implimenting a fake ring on a fairly regular basis. I have lived with my significant other for over 7 years, and although we are satisfied not being married, some people can not grasp the idea. When I choose to go for a night out with the girls, I will usually wear the ring so we can dance without a random guy attempting to do the bump and grind… It is funny because when i don’t wear the ring and tell them I am taken, they still try, but if I wear the ring and just show it to them and shake my head ‘no’ they go away. I have never thought of the ring as anything but a devise to drive men away, never as something to pull them in. It seems counterintuative.

  • Linds March 22, 2010, 2:18 am

    Totally the latest, but isn’t the point not to be a *draw*, but to use as a way to ward off guys you don’t want? You put it on when a guy you’re not interested in comes up to you (“No, sorry, I’m taken.”) and then you can put in your pocket when you see a guy you DO want. I don’t see how that’s particularly sleazy.

  • Claire April 7, 2010, 7:13 am

    I don’t quite understand where everyone pulled the idea that women will use these rings to try to PULL guys.. Obviously they’re intended to deter creepazoids from latching on and drooling on you. Admin has completely missed the point of the product.

    As far as the video goes, it’s a parody of what is essentially another parody. Perhaps people on this site need to stop taking things quite so seriously, and take a joke (even a slightly crass one) at face value. This is a funny video about girls being grossed out by all the mouth-breathers out there.. nothing else.

  • jenna May 17, 2010, 10:52 am

    I have a fake wedding ring, that I intend to continue to wear after I’m married in a few months!

    See, I travel a lot. And there are a ton of places out there where single women are not taken seriously, or are hit on in much more disgusting ways than anyone can think of in a club in a Western country (think: man from a traditional society, encounters foreign girl on a bus or whatever, and hits on her because he actually thinks that Western girls are easy and therefore he will have no problem bedding one. The idea is “I saw a TV show where all the white girls had lots of sex, so I can get her to have sex with me!”). There are also places where most women over the age of 25 or so are married, so if you aren’t married, you are literally treated like a non-adult…like a little girl (this is not true for unmarried men). People will occasionally target you for overcharging or tour/souvenir scams because they actually think that as an unmarried foreign woman, you aren’t old enough or smart enough to resist. Married women don’t get this so much, because “wives” and “mothers” get some respect, whereas single girls don’t.

    I’m not making this up: travel certain parts of Asia and you’ll see exactly how right I am.

    And traveling in such places is challenging enough without dealing with this sexist BS – is it really so crass, vulgar, cowardly and wrong to employ a little piece of metal and a white lie to make a challenging day just that much easier, especially in the face of cultures that are not going to change just because I’m there?

    I suppose technically the *proper* thing to do would have been to show total honesty, ward off the skeeveballs the way I would in a club, show that I am knowledgeable and competent and, yes, unmarried, and deal with it all without lying about my marital status. But why should I have to? The men who do this are the ones being crass, sexist and wrong: the burden shouldn’t fall to me to ward them off constantly. They’re the ones who should be castigated for their actions.

    But, as I said, an entire culture is not going to change just because I’m there. Getting people like this to see the error of their ways is not something I can accomplish alone (and not something I would have the energy or ability to accomplish even if I did try to engage every single one in a meaningful dialogue about respect for women in the 21st century, not that I should have to do that constantly – every once in awhile I will, though).

    So I don’t see what’s so wrong about making ventures through some very difficult places, even more difficult as a solo female traveler, a little easier on myself.

    Why will I wear it after I get married? Because those same countries have high crime rates, and it’s entirely possible that any “nice” jewelry will get stolen. I’d rather have my fake wedding ring nicked than my real one…

  • Liutgard July 23, 2010, 9:11 am

    I have a ring that isn’t really fake, but… the stone was my great-grandmother’s. I had it set in a copy of a 6th c Frankish ring. It’s a lovely ring. And I wear it on my ring finger. My friends know it’s not an engagement ring, and really, at 45 I am not trolling for guys. Why would it matter if I chose to wear a ring?

  • Tundra September 20, 2010, 12:32 am

    Well, that video is certainly ‘classy’. Ugh.
    But I’m not sure it’s such a horrendous thing to wear a wedding or engagement ring if you’re out dancing with your friends and are trying to avoid being hit on, if you’re constantly being hit on. (I am not. lol)
    Then, if you see a guy you actually want to chat to, take it off.
    However I don’t think the really bad guys will notice a ring or care about it.

    I also know a lot of women wear a wedding ring while travelling alone overseas.

    The ad and description however is horrendous for this product.

  • Maria October 29, 2010, 10:35 pm

    I really don’t think it’s such a bad thing to wear a fake wedding ring/ engagement ring if you’re trying to keep from being hit on/ bothered when you’re just trying to have some fun with your friends. My younger brother (16) has a fake wedding ring which he wears when we go places where the majority of people don’t know him (conferences, trips abroad…). While he’s only 16, he looks at least 25 if not older, and he was always hit on all the time, and invited to parties. This caused him great discomfort, as a). he was a minor, and these women were too old for him (10-15 years older), and b). he was already in a relationship. So he started wearing a wedding ring he picked up at a costume shop…hasn’t been bothered since.

  • Darci March 25, 2011, 4:21 pm

    I handled take out orders at a busy casual dining restaurant for a year. A large, obviously much older than me, gentleman came in for his order about ten minutes before it was finished. My swipe card holder had broken that day, so my card was floating around in my large apron pocket. I was fishing for it when he had showed up, with my left hand. I asked him, “Are you Mr. _____?” (He was my only carry out at the time.) He said, “Yeah. I know I’m probably early. You look like you should be on MTV (Uh, what?). When are you gonna let me spend the night with you?” In a moment of weakness (and inspiration, I said, “Oh, thanks, but I’m engaged. Excuse me for one second.” All the while I hid my left hand in my pocket, walking away while I appeared to be intently looking for the card I already grasped. The minute I was out of sight, I began frantically looking at server’s hands. I found Lisa, who was sporting just what I needed. I hastily explained the situation and she was more than happy to lend me her ring. I wore it for the duration of the transaction with Mr. _____, and then I returned it gratefully to Lisa. I know it isn’t the most honest thing to do, but I’d turned a guy down before, and I’d been so uncomfortable for the rest of the time I had to spend with him that I FORGOT TO TAKE HIS PAYMENT. This way, he didn’t feel shot down and I didn’t feel so awkward I forgot to give him something.

  • J May 11, 2011, 7:53 pm


    I hope that I never have to live in a society in which I *must* “take a joke” as crass and disgusting as this one. I believe the problem is that YOU need to raise your standards. One of my Grandmother’s favorite quotes was: “if you think it’s everyone else, it’s not. It’s you.” And no, the admin did not miss the point. I would tell you to go back and read it again, but your appreciation of such a video tells me much about your comprehension, so I will save myself the effort.

    I admit to using a fake ring, but I had very unusual circumstances. I was a non-traditional college student. This means that I was older than the average 18- to 22-year-olds on campus. However, I looked very young. I was often mistaken for being 16 or 17 (in fact, I once had my identification confiscated by a gas station worker who decided that it was a fake and I had to call the police to get it back). Near campus there was a shopping area with a coffee shop where I liked to study and work. I was approached by boys from the local high school many times. I would say definitely 15-20 times before I began employing the fake ring. They would try to come onto me, asking me which high school I attended and if I had heard of them (these were usually student athlete local “heroes”). In the end, we would both end up embarrassed and I felt like a creeper. The ring was less about stating my status as “taken” (though I usually was) and more about giving a hint to my age. It was effective and harmless.

  • Fung October 4, 2011, 11:16 pm

    When I was a young outgoing girl and went clubbing till the early hours in the morning I always wear my cheap ring the other way (stone directed to my palm) on my way home, that was to scare drunk boys off, it did the trick because back then you’re safe from improper approaches and also I won’t be robbed by some thug who thinks that might be the real deal 😀
    But really fake rings can’t be bought everywhere and you sure don’t need to such a silly advertisement, and here in the Netherlands, an engagement ring doesn’t necessary be with a diamond. We are quite unconventional about engagement jewelry, I’ve known girls/women to wear an engagement bracelet, necklace and even earrings, they got it from their fiancé because they knew best of what their girls prefer to wear and in some profession you can’t wear rings, think of factory work und such.

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