“Do Not Bring Her!”

by admin on September 29, 2009

My daughter Linda and one of her girlfriends Sophie from graduate school came to my home one day and began discussing the tackiest wedding invitation they had ever seen! Apparently Sophie’s boyfriend Hank was going to be the Best Man at an upcoming wedding. Unfortunately, the bride, Karen,  loathed Sophie. In any event, Karen had no intention of inviting Sophie to her wedding.

So once the wedding invitations were sent out, there was no way of retrieving them! The invitation that was placed in my hands was addressed to Sophie’s boyfriend, Hank. Sophie had been dating Hank for over a year! Now Sophie and Linda were at my house, asking for my advice, and I have to say that this was truly a heinous wedding invitation. The stationery itself was on thick paper, with vellum and inscribed with lovely calligraphy. The invitation was well-worded and printed. It was even placed inside the innner and outer envelopes properly.

What made this invitation so offensive was what had been scribbled at the bottom of the printed invitation itself! Karen (the prospective bride) had neatly hand printed at the lower edge of this fine invitation the following sentences:

“Hank, this invitation is for YOU only. Do not bring her!”

So Sophie’s first question was, “Has anyone ever been ‘un-invited’ to a wedding before? I think I may have made history today!”

My response was, “Actually, I’ve never heard of such a thing in my life! Is Hank already committed to being the Best Man? If it were me, I’d have to renege on my earlier promise of being in their wedding. They obviously do not respect Hank or their friendship with him, or they would never have written that in the invitation!”

The ending for this story? Well, it wasn’t a storybook wedding after all! Hank and Sophie didn’t go to the wedding. The groom, poor fellow, had to ask another groomsman to take Hanks’ place. And the best part? Karne, the bridezilla penmanship fiend, had to explain to her groom Bradley why she wrote those awful words at the bottom of Hank’s invitation! Apparently Bradley had no idea his bride-to-be was so creative!     0925-09

Stories like this are why I love this site.  Just when you think people could not be more clueless, idiotic or uncharitable, someone comes along and surprises you with a story like this.  There are so many people in this world who wonder why society seems to shun them,  why they cannot seem to get ahead in life and the answer usually lies in these little acts of self-immolation.

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

HonorH September 29, 2009 at 7:28 am

One wonders just why the bride hated Sophie so much. Did Sophie kill her cat or something? If there were some horrible history between the two, one would think Sophie wouldn’t have wanted to attend the wedding, anyway. The bride just made herself look incredibly petty and ungracious and all-around unclassy with that little stunt. Good on Hank for backing out.


Chris September 29, 2009 at 9:35 pm

I am wondering where it says Sophie was invited at all or did she just assume because her boyfriend was the best man, she was invited. I also wonder if it would have been such an issue if the invitation was simply addressed to Mr Hank Jones without the little comment would Sophie have gone even though a guest wasn’t invited.

I have to be honest here. This was a girlfriend, not a wife and I think Hank dropping out was a lousy thing to do just because the girl he was dating wasn’t included just because she isn’t liked by the bride.


Alexis September 30, 2009 at 10:47 am

I wonder what the other wedding invitations looked like? Someone this boorish could not possibly confine her behavior to just one wedding invitation.
Might this be the one exception to the ‘no write-ins’ rule of wedding response cards? Well, no, but it would’ve been fun to hear the bride-to-be’s phone call reiterating the original un-invitation.


Erica September 30, 2009 at 12:09 pm

If Hank felt uncomfortable or offended by the explicit statement of “do not bring her” (a very different thing than simply neglecting to invite Sophie), why is dropping out “lousy” behavior? He didn’t feel capable of giving the Best Man role his full support, and in that situation, bowing out is entirely appropriate. It is Hank who gets to choose how much he values his relationship with Sophie, and what impact that will have on his relationship with a friend’s wife-to-be who clearly wants nothing to do with her.


Izzy February 7, 2010 at 7:48 am

ugh. If only Karen had taken the high road and not scribbled those words, then sophie would be the one in ehell (if she chose to go). But nup, the faux pas is karen’s


jenna February 15, 2010 at 12:15 am

I don’t understand or agree with the rule that you don’t have to invite someone’s long-term partner to a wedding – is it really fair to say that you only need to invite spouses or fiance(es)? I do NOT mean a +1, I doubt anybody does that anymore, but if someone is in a long-term, serious relationship, if you have the space to accommodate their partner you should. Otherwise, what about all those couples who can’t marry, or are lifetime-committed but don’t believe in marriage, or are serious enough to be talking engagement?

If the invite had not been addressed to Hank & Sophie and she’d gone, yeah, that’s a faux pas. One shouldn’t do that. But the bride would still be in Ehell for not inviting her unless it was one of those very tiny, best-friends-and-close-family ONLY deals. If I had been invited to a wedding while seriously dating but not yet engaged to my current fiance, without his inclusion, I wouldn’t have gone, either. If I’d been asked to be in the wedding party but told I couldn’t bring him, I would have declined. Fortunately none of my friends would have ever done that.


essie August 20, 2010 at 11:56 am

Chris, the point wasn’t that Sophie wasn’t invited, the point was that Karen was so childishly spiteful about pointing out that Sophie wasn’t wanted (since the OP said “the letter was addressed to Hank”, I presume Sophie’s name wasn’t on it and, consequently, Sophie would realize she wasn’t invited.). It wasn’t necessary to scribble “Don’t bring HER!” (as though “she” didn’t have a name) on an elegant invitation. The proper thing to do would be to send the invitation to Hank and, if he asked about bringing a guest, say “I’m so sorry, Hank, but it just wasn’t possible to invite Sophie, too.”

It’s interesting, if you think about it, that Karen’s love for her fiance is so strong(?) that the mere presence of his best friend’s girlfriend is enough to totally destroy the joy of the day when she commits to sharing her life with the man she loves.


AT October 26, 2011 at 11:42 am

This reminds me of a wedding mishap I had. My husband and I were best friends with a couple (D and J) for years and had a big falling out. When we got married (about a year after said falling out) D was a groomsman and we told our wedding party that they were welcome to invite a date. I assumed J would be there, but I would have had enough family and good friends that she wouldn’t make a scene. She never came.

Fast forward five months to their wedding when my husband was asked to be the best man. He was told explicitly that I was not invited and in no way welcome at their wedding because J was not welcome to ours. WHAT!??! I expected to be politely invited, and out of respect to the bride’s comfort (despite my general disdain for her) I would rsvp that I could not attend that evening, and my husband could fulfill his duties to this longtime friend from childhood.

We took this mess as a sign that D and J didn’t respect my husband enough to recognize his marriage and he decided not to attend at all, let alone stand up with the couple. We later found out that J had been told the above lie by D, so he could attend our wedding unaccompanied like the rest of their friends–and hit on my girlfriends.

People are insane about weddings, aren’t they?


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