Second-Hand Wedding Invitation

by admin on October 8, 2009

I was really hoping that I wouldn’t have to put anything on this board, but alas, my wedding is still a month away and I already have a contribution.

Background: DF and I live in A Town, which is close to lots of other small towns, and we chose to have our ceremony and reception in B town, about 15 minutes away.  My dad and stepmom used to live in B Town, but moved two hours away to C Town a couple of years ago.  However, because of friend and family ties, they visit B Town frequently, and were glad we were having the wedding in B Town.

So when we were planning our guest list, Dad asked me if we could possibly invite Mr. and Mrs. B Town Old Next Door Neighbors.  This was perfectly fine with me, as I had know this couple for a few years.  I told him it was fine, but just the couple, not their kids.  We’re not having an adult only reception, but I don’t really know their kids.  Dad says great.

So I send out the proper invitation, outer envelope and inner envelope with just Mr. and Mrs.’s names on it, no children.  I got back their response card yesterday.  It said four people were attending, and underneath the M_______________ line, it said “Tom and Nancy”.  Great, they’re bringing their kids.  Roll Eyes

So I call up my dad to see if he can call Mr. and Mrs. to say, sorry, no kids.  So I tell him they’re bringing their kids and this is our following conversation:

Me: Dad, Mr and Mrs Next Door are bringing their children.  Can you please call them and tell them the invite is only for them and not their kids?
Dad: (Groan.) Yeah, ok.  How did you know they’re bringing Sam and Susie?
Me: Who are Sam and Susie?
Dad: Those are their children.  How did you know they’re bringing them?
Me: What?  The RSVP card says Tom and Nancy.
Dad:  Ohhhh.  Those aren’t their kids. (Wait, Ehellions, here’s the kicker!)  Those are the people that bought our old house!!

So Dad goes on to say that on Tom and Nancy are this really nice, sweet couple that he and my stepmom have had dinner with several times (from visits to B Town to see Mr and Mrs Next Door), and he’d LOVE it if they came to the wedding.  He says he’ll even pay for them, since DF and I have never met this couple, and we’re financing the wedding ourselves.

How did this conversation about the invitation even begin?  Mr. Next Door gets the mail one day and shows Mrs. Next Door and they run over to Tom and Nancy’s house to say, “Hey, the girl that used to live in your house is getting married, and we’re invited…wanna come?” How did anyone think this was OK?

So I guess this couple is coming to the wedding.  We’ve never met them, and they’ll only know their neighbors and my parents, but I guess they’re ok with that.  Really I sort of want them to come because I want to see how they’ll handle the receiving line.  “Oh, hi, we’ve never met, but I sleep in your old bedroom!”

l post an update after the wedding. Wink 0905-09

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Obi-Wandreas October 8, 2009 at 8:15 am

The worst part about a situation like this is that if you try to say no, then you feel like the villain, even though you know that’s not the case.

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noot October 8, 2009 at 2:45 pm

You are allowed to “uninvite” them since they weren’t even invited in the first place.

What baffles me is why Tom and Nancy would even want to come or why your neighbors would even think to ask them to come.

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Izzy February 7, 2010 at 7:30 am

Duh, noot, for the fancy food and chance to dress up.
Hey submitter, waiting for that update!

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Ashley March 19, 2010 at 9:56 am

I think I know how this happened. Mr and Mrs. B Town recieved the invite, assumed the kids were invited too, and thought, “Well, the kids won’t want to go. Let’s bring Tom and Nancy in their stead!” Still a faux pas on their part.

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MrsCrazyPete April 6, 2010 at 4:45 pm

Update from me, the bride! Sorry, I know it’s six months later, I just forgot all about it! I refound my story while going thru the etiquette hell archives.

So anyway, on the wedding day, we have our ceremony, which went off without a hitch! Our site was set up that our guests would exit the ceremony, and go through a quick receiving line on the way into the reception for cocktail hour. So about 3/4s of the way through, Mr and Mrs Next Door come through the line. We shake their hands, hug them, thank them for coming…and then Old Neighbors come bopping along the line behind them! Obviously we knew they were coming, but honestly, at that point, I had had other things on my mind than how to respond when we saw these people. They came through the line, congratulated us, and we thanked them. My husband was a little flabbergasted and just told them to enjoy themselves at the reception.

During the reception as we were going around to all the tables, we came across them again. I think other than thanking them for coming, and asking if they were having a good time, I don’t think I said much else. There were several other people at the table, and they seemed to be getting along with everyone there. They DID drink a little more than their fill at the open bar, but I guess most of our guests did (LOL).

So all’s well that ends well. My parents haven’t seen them since, although with summer coming up, I bet they’ll all get together again soon.

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Kim May 1, 2010 at 2:34 pm

You’re story made me laugh and I admire your grace and humor at the situation. What a great story to share with your kids someday! Can’t wait for an update :)

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