Wicked Witch of The Wedding

by admin on October 12, 2009

My Dad adopted my older sister when she was 2 years old. My mom always used this as a way to manipulate my sister into favoring her over my Dad during and after their divorce. She would say horrible things like, “He’s not even your real Daddy, I’m the only real parent you have.” These details are important, I promise. So, needless to say, my sister grew up with some Daddy abandonment issues no matter how hard my Dad tried. Over time, my sister wanted little to do with him and he gave up trying. She would call him every now and then to ask for money or help, which my Dad always gave and he would never receive a thank you.

When the time came for my sister to get married, she sent my Dad (who lives on the opposite side of the country) an invitation one week before the wedding. Because of the short notice and his lack of funds for a last minute flight across the country and hotel, he was unable to attend. He called her and explained all of this to her. Fortunately, my sister had almost all of my Mom’s side of the family at her wedding. My Mom’s sister, brother and a few cousins. It was a lovely wedding and I was my sisters MOH.

Then comes my turn to get married! I have a great relationship with my Dad and we both put equal effort into the relationship. My Dad was the first to hear I was engaged and I immediately asked my Dad to walk me down the aisle. Well, when my Mom’s side of the family found out my Dad was coming to my wedding when he didn’t go to my sisters wedding, they were very angry. So, they decided to boycott my wedding to punish my Dad. Doesn’t make a lot of sense, does it? Boycott my wedding to punish my Dad…when he had zero notice about the wedding and no relationship with my sister…? They also didn’t RSVP yes or no. When I would call my mom to ask about them, she would say, “Oh, I’m sure their coming! They’re just bad about RSVP’ing!” She knew the whole time they weren’t coming. She was mad at me because I was having my Dad walk me down the aisle when she wanted to walk me down. So, she fed the fire on her side of the family.

I was ok with it, though. While I was hurt at first, I realized I didn’t want people like that at mine and my husband’s special day. And it was a very special day! 0708-09

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Sara'sweddingideas October 12, 2009 at 3:04 pm

Good for you.
For our wedding we only had one parent – my mom!
My dad didn’t make it because I didn’t invite his step wife – out of respect for my mom. (My dad and his (now) wife were having an affair while my mom was pregnant with my youngest brother.)
There was no chance on my mom coming (from Italy) if my stepmother would be present, and my father didn’t want to come because his wife wasn’t invited.
From my husbands side – well, the family hadn’t been getting on so they All boycotted!

We had the best wedding ever! Closest friends, no friction or embarrassing moments, one Big celebration. I couldn’t have asked for things to go smoother.
We have been married 8 years now and still talk about how great our wedding was.

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Alexis October 13, 2009 at 1:46 pm

There is a lot missing from this story, I think. Mom was a jerk, but why no court-ordered therapy for her or her kids? Why was this even permitted?

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Jess October 14, 2009 at 12:13 am

Sounds like this happened years and years ago. What do you mean this would not be permitted? Permitted by whom?

I agree that the Mom is a jerk.

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Claire October 16, 2009 at 8:38 pm

Court-ordered therapy isn’t standard in all divorce cases/custody battles. And even when it happens, there’s no guarantee that the required minimum stint in therapy is going to have much of an impact on the individuals’ later relationships.

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Izzy February 7, 2010 at 7:25 am

Why couldn’t the submitter contact the rest of the family on mum’s side, not just through mum? Then you could explain much better and get an actual rsvp.
Meh, at least you had a great wedding. Hope you have a great marriage!

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crella February 17, 2010 at 7:10 am

One set of my grandparents, one aunt and uncle and my two cousins boycotted my wedding. They were miffed that I got married before my cousin, she unfortunately called off her wedding a couple of years before I planned my wedding. I was violating some rule of my grandmother’s that the women of the family had to be married in order of their ages. In addition, darling Grandma was outraged that my husband was Japanese, and so not a practicing Catholic. ‘I remember Pearl Harbor!’ was her rallying cry.

I sent them invitations regardless, as they are family and I thought that perhaps we could do something about the rift , and I certainly didn’t want to stir the fire by not sending them. Their classy reply was to write a big ’0′ on the line for number of attendees and send them back. They really didn’t come…….it was unbelievable to me as I’d been so close to my cousins growing up. My grandfather evidently wanted to come but he was no longer able to drive and he got shouted down by the rest of the boycotters.

Why relatives choose the most important day in someone’s life to get back at others and ‘teach them a lesson’ is beyond me. They certainly lose any respect from the people they treated so shabbily.

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