Heinous Bride Kicks Assets

by admin on February 23, 2010

Back in 2002, the daughter of a friend of my father’s decided to get married to the man she’d been dating for about three or four months. Now, I don’t have anything against short courtships (my parents married very quickly as well, and it worked out wonderfully for them), but I loathed this girl – we’ll call her the Heinous Bride – and her family. They were the tackiest, trashiest people I’d ever met, and spending time with them was like watching a live episode of Jerry Springer. The wedding was announced two months before the wedding was to take place, and being that my father is a terrible judge of character AND a pushover, I knew we were going to be bullied into helping out with the whole thing. I was not wrong. Thankfully, HB did not ask me to be a bridesmaid. She instead asked two friends of hers, and her maid-of-honour was her brother’s longtime, long-suffering girlfriend. I, however, was not to get off so easily; instead, I was asked to be the DJ, because I was a music nut and had a computer and speakers. This was not a paying gig, of course. HB asked me to do it as a gift. Under pressure from my dad, I agreed. I figured it might even be kind of fun, playing music at a party. What could go wrong? HA!

Despite not being in the wedding party, I was invited to tag along on a trip to San Francisco with the bridal party, the MOB and her friends. According to the bride, our town was too small for her to be able to buy a proper dress, so she wanted to go to the Big City. I really didn’t want to spend an entire day with these people, but in the end (and after a lot of bullying from my dad) I went. Hey, it’s San Francisco, which is a city I love. And maybe it would be fun to do girly things like shop for dresses, right? For two hours, I sat in the backseat of a car with no air conditioning, in the dead of a California summer, with three smokers. I am extremely allergic to cigarette smoke. HB and her mother are aware of this. By the time we reached the city my eyes were red and watering, and I could not stop coughing. Throughout the ride we listened to country music at ear- bleeding volume, and conversation mostly revolved around why they hated black people/Hispanic people/gay people. It was absolute torture.

We shopped at a grand total of one store, a warehouse of marked-down dresses. We were there for the bride, the bridesmaids, the MOH, the MOB and the flower girl. I didn’t have any money (I lived on a very small income) so I could not shop for a dress for myself, and the bridal party never asked for my opinion on any of the dresses they selected. I sat on a concrete bench for two hours watching them try on dress after dress after dress. Eventually they found dresses, and decided to lunch at Fisherman’s Wharf, at a burger joint. The bride paid for everyone’s food, but when it was my turn to order, everyone left. I wound up not getting anything because, as I said, I was completely broke, so when I rejoined the party outside the bride looked at me and said, “Oh, I forgot you were with us.”

Things continued in that vein as the wedding approached. I was roped (bullied) into helping with favors, decorations, making the bride’s bouquet out of fake flowers from Wal-Mart, and other little details. The bridesmaids and MOH never participated in any of the planning. I agonized over the wedding set list, gathering CDs of music and ripping the songs to my computer, arranging playlists, and figuring out how to transport my computer and speakers to the reception venue (because they weren’t paying for professional DJ equipment). I asked the groom for input on what songs he’d like to hear, and asked the bride – repeatedly – for a list of songs she liked. The MOB told me that in no way, shape or form was I to play ANY rap music at the reception. This is important, later.

The bride threw her own shower, which I never heard about until my dad received a phone call one night, asking where I was. Turns out that the bride forgot to invite me. The same thing happened at the bachelorette party; they forgot to invite me. The bride liked to say things to me such as, “Mom said to tell you not to cut your hair, because we don’t want you looking butch at the wedding,” and, “Mom wants to know if you’re wearing a dress, so you don’t look like a guy at the wedding,” and my personal favorite, “Aren’t you glad we made you the DJ? At least you’ll have something to do at the wedding, ’cause it’s not like you’ll have a date.” And my dad wondered why I cried so much, that summer.

Then, about two weeks before the wedding, the MOH found out that she was pregnant. The HB actually demanded that MOH abort, because, “You’re stealing my thunder,” and, “You won’t fit into your dress!” There was lot of fuss, the MOH was almost ‘fired’ from her position, the MOB (remember, MOH is dating HB’s brother, so this is MOB’s grandchild we’re talking about) threatened to kick her out of the house, etc. Lots of drama, only to find out that MOH is not, in fact, pregnant. And then everything was fine, and everyone behaved as if nothing happened.

So, it’s about three days before the wedding. I was summoned to HB’s house to go over the music with her. Now, I have been bugging her for weeks for a list of songs that she’d like to hear, and she keeps forgetting. So I’ve been gathering music on my own – classics, a little mix of cheesy 80s music, some country songs, lots of traditional love songs, etc. The standard wedding fare. HB goes through the playlist and rejects all but about an hour of music. She then, finally, gives me her list – it’s all rap, the stuff the MOB had declared verboten. I conferred later with the MOB, who assured me that it was fine, just play what I have, HB won’t even notice, she’ll be so distracted. It put me in a really awful position, because on the one hand if I obeyed the bride I wouldn’t have enough music to play all night, and most of the stuff she picked wasn’t suitable for the older generation and children who would be there. If I listened to the MOB, I risked angering the bride on her so-called “day.” Ugh. And then the MOB spent the rest of the evening whining about my hair (which was short at the time, a pixie-cut) and how I shouldn’t have cut it, it made me look too much like a boy, how I might ruin the wedding, etc.

Finally, it’s the wedding day. T-minus fifteen minutes to start, and we’re missing a bridesmaid, half the bride’s invited family members, and the father of the bride. Missing BM eventually shows up; she’s five months pregnant and had Braxton-Hicks contractions. Family members trickle in right up to the point where we’re supposed to start, and finally the FOB (who is a complete jerk) turns up right as the pastor asks everyone to be seated. The wedding begins. It’s actually nice, brief and sweet. Nothing else happens, except for HB’s son (from another man) charging up and down the aisle a few times. The unity candles also refused to light at first, and I found out later that they’d forgotten to bring the rings. The pastor actually took off his own ring and passed it to the groom so he’d have something to put on her finger. It was kind of funny, in hindsight – and quick thinking on the part of the pastor.

Then it was time for the reception. I decided to do what the MOB said to do, and I played what I had. It went over very well – a few guests came up to compliment me on the music and even ask for a few artists and titles so they could find them on their own. This went on for a couple of hours, before things started to go south. One of the bridesmaids, thoroughly drunk at that point, came up and started requesting hardcore gangster rap, the stuff MOB told me not to play. There were elderly people and children at the reception, and the stuff she requested was just nonstop swearing, really obscene stuff. I told her no. She would not let up, and even tried to bully me away from my computer so she could play it herself. Then a couple of small children came up and started requesting the same stuff. I stood my ground, but when the bridesmaid threatened to take me outside and beat me up, I lost it and started to cry. Big, wracking sobs – I felt bad for making a scene, but all the stress and all the abuse just finally hit me and I couldn’t take it any more.

To her credit, HB came over to find out what was wrong. I told her, and she became furious and went to have a word with her bridesmaid. She then came back to tell me that if anyone else hassled me about the music, she would – and I quote – “F*cking kick their f*cking a$$es.” She apologized, thanked me for helping so much, and invited me to come try to catch the bouquet – which I did, ha ha.

I’d like to say that this was the happy end to the story, but it’s not. Months later HB and her husband began having trouble, and then it came to light that they were not actually married, not legally – the paperwork had never been filed. All that work only to find out that they were never actually married. Then the HB went off and had an affair – with another woman, and the groom was arrested for tax fraud. I am so glad I moved away and have not spoken to any of those people since. Needless to say, should I get married they will not be invited.  0801-09

{ 40 comments… read them below or add one }

Laura February 23, 2010 at 11:01 am

Um… person in need of some major spinal growth here.

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Baby February 23, 2010 at 12:44 pm

“I’m sorry, but I cannot DJ your wedding as a gift; wedding gifts are optional, and should be items or tasks decided upon at the discretion (and within the budget) of the gift-giver. $500 is what I would charge for my time and services as a DJ, and I simply cannot afford a $500 wedding gift.”

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Jennifer February 23, 2010 at 1:44 pm

Say it with me, “That will not be possible.”

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L.A. Lady February 23, 2010 at 2:43 pm

“Just Say No”

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Claddagh Lass February 23, 2010 at 2:54 pm

If it were me, at the first sign of this type of trouble, I’d be finding a way to get home. I’d tell them “Have a nice life/marriage” and head for the hills.

Being nice and polite doesn’t mean being a doormat.

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Gloria Shiner February 23, 2010 at 3:13 pm

mm.. good story. Not sure I believe a word of it. Didn’t you know these people smoked before going for a long car ride with them? Why would you go to a city like San Francisco with no money? Why cry over what people say if you feel this way about them?

And the (paraphrased) statement comes to mind: people can’t take advantage of you without your permission.

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Mechtilde February 23, 2010 at 3:16 pm

The poster sounds as though she’s fairly young, and it can be very hard indeed, at any age, to refuse to do something which your parent asks you to do. The blame still lies with those who behaved badly, and I do think it is a little unfair to criticise the poster for not refusing to go along with it.

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Nicole February 23, 2010 at 4:14 pm

The poster sounds as if she was young at the time, perhaps a teen.

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Ashley February 23, 2010 at 5:00 pm

you should learn how to stand up for youself and say no.
Why would you go on a day trip and just expect you to pay for your meal?
i don’t even know if i believe any of this anyways

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Annie February 23, 2010 at 6:22 pm

Please grow a spine, this story is beyond bizarre. I agree with Ashley, how can you expect to go on a day trip to a large city with no money?

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Jayne February 23, 2010 at 8:09 pm

I could see a very young girl going into the city without either money or debit/credit card- especially since she was invited on what looked like a hosted outing arranged by an adult friend of the family (MOB), perhaps through her own father who sounds like a dingbat himself. Whenever my stepsons’ teenage/college friends joined us on any type of outing, we always paid for everything – wouldn’t dream of asking them to pay for their own meals. Perhaps she was used to that. And if she was actually a teen at the time, it just makes the MOB and HB’s behavior that much more reprehensible.

But anyone much beyond high school age, agree – not quite so believable.

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Patty February 23, 2010 at 8:17 pm

“No” is a complete sentence. And yes, you are allowed to say it to your father.

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Fox February 24, 2010 at 1:00 am

How was the poster supposed to know that her dad’s friend’s daughter’s friends smoked? Honestly.

The poster was put in an extremely awkward position by her own father and chose to acquiesce (not knowing any better) rather than risk causing drama. She obviously did not realise what she was getting into. It does sound like she is fairly young and most people do not actually know about all the hard work a wedding entails until they’ve been involved in one themselves. And she’s clearly learned a lesson from all this, so why the rude comments? The fact that she allowed her -father- to pressure her into this doesn’t detract from the horrors of the story. Maybe she was told in advance that she would be treated to lunch. In any case, her not bringing money to eat is a much lesser issue than paying for every person in your group except one, imo.

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Jennifer February 24, 2010 at 11:24 am

If the poster had been a teen, I could understand her not knowing how to stand up to people, especially her father. However, the poster said she lived on a very small income which would indicate she was self-supporting and no longer a teen. Therefore, she had a responsibility to bring money with her to a large city to pay for her own meals. This story does sound crazy enough that I have to question whether it is true.

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Tiffany Maxwell February 24, 2010 at 2:39 pm

Agreeing with Mechtilde. Could be wrong, but the impression I get is of a very young woman, possibly a teen, or maybe early twenties. Very, very hard to say no to family pressure in general, but especially at that age, when you’re probably all still living in the same house. Some people have the guts from a very young age to just say no to anyone and anything, but a lot don’t.

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Gloria Shiner February 24, 2010 at 3:30 pm

She knew these people well enough to say: “They were the tackiest, trashiest people I’d ever met, and spending time with them was like watching a live episode of Jerry Springer. ” If she knew this she should know about their smoking – I doubt they kept it hidden. And if she is that allergic, she should have asked ahead of time.

She also said this: “I didn’t have any money (I lived on a very small income)”. She didn’t even bother to ask if they were planning on paying her way, just didn’t take any money.

This is a person that others will take advantage of throughout her life because she allows them to do so.

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Amber February 24, 2010 at 4:29 pm

I’m also a little surprised by the blame this etiquette victim is receiving, Fox. The OP sounds young, young enough not to have learned how to say no to a parent. Even if she was technically an “adult” (i.e. 18 or a little older), it takes time to grow a spine strong enough to combat the person who raised you, particularly if the parents were like this throughout the OP’s life. It certainly explains the tears.

As for not bringing money, it sounds like the OP thought she was catching a break food-wise (not that she was expecting it, more of a happy surprise), then ended up being the only one not paid for by the Bride only because the bride “forgot” her, and also forced to watch the rest eat while she sat hungry. Unpleasant.

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Amanda February 27, 2010 at 12:30 am

Many of us are assuming that she had money to bring to the outing–it’s entirely possible that she had no spare money to bring with her, and that spending money on the outing was completely impossible.

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CB February 27, 2010 at 11:07 pm

OMG the whole lot of them sound like regulars on the Jerry Springer Show. Why the hell is this site so full of young women with no spine and no sense of worth? What happens to them in their childhood to make them such jellyfish?

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Bubbles February 28, 2010 at 7:14 pm

I agree with everyone else who is questioning the mean comments left on here. It’s very unfair to attack someone for not standing up for themselves – clearly they would if they understood their rights and had the confidence to tell other people where to go. It doesn’t excuse any of the bad behaviour by several others in this story.

I feel very sorry for this girl, it seems that she’s tried (several times) to make the best of things and keep the peace, but has been taken advantage of and experienced very inconsiderate behaviour that would make anyone feel bad.

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Hellbound Alleee March 3, 2010 at 6:01 pm

I’m not sure I understand why folks are not believing this story. Have they not read all the years of stories here on EH? This is tame–and the doormats have been MUCH mattier than this young woman, who, I hope, has learned a lot from this ordeal.

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Brenda March 12, 2010 at 2:47 pm

The OP said the wedding took place in 2002. She could have been a teenager then, or early twenties, and growing up in a small town was probably not allowed to have much of a spine, as everyone usually knows everyone, and you go along with what your parents want because if you don’t it can cause problems for your parents. (Been there, done that, got the hell out, finally.) Now she’s looking back eight years later, and recognizing where things went wrong and finally understanding the reality of the people she was dealing with. I’m sure that she has since grown a quite good spine and is no longer talked into things she does not want to do.

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Saitaina March 27, 2010 at 3:12 pm

Wow, way to be rude to the OP, guys.

There is a woman of my acquaintance who would react the same way to this, and she’s fifty-five. She is SHOCKINGLY, a nice person and will go out of her way to do things for other people, despite what grief it may cause her. Yes, it’s frustrating at times to see her used and abused, but I’d rather have her in my life, with all the joy and sweetness she brings then someone with a ‘spine’ who wouldn’t help out anyone.

(and before you comment, it’s my mother I was referencing, so please play nice)

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N Monster April 5, 2010 at 2:00 pm

One of the ways in which Etiquettehell is so useful is that the uninitiated, having not had the advantage of family to stand up for them and teach them proper and improper behavior, can learn from others’ experiences. Unfortunately, the OP learned the hard way. Her own father did not step in on her behalf, so how would she have learned that she has the privilege of refusing to provide services without payment? Young people want to be accepted, and often don’t have the ability to discern whose acceptance is worthy of their time and effort. This is how many of us learn.

That the offending parties expressed racist viewpoints and yet insisted on listening to hardcore rap music is particularly distasteful, regardless of the OP’s personal experience.

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Skoffin April 14, 2010 at 2:04 pm

I think my favourite line was the way the OP described her father, “and being that my father is a terrible judge of character AND a pushover, ”
Looks like the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. If you don’t like someone you simply say no to their requests, albeit in a polite way. You are under no obligation to take their offer nor are you contractually obliged to stick to that after keep treating you terribly. As much as I dislike the people depicted in the story I must say I don’t particularly sympathise with the storyteller.

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Elizabeth April 15, 2010 at 11:24 pm

Wow, a lot of the people on here have so little sympathy. I’m guessing you are all in your early twenties and have never once ended up doing some sort of unpleasant task knowing that the repercussions would be even worse had you refused? It’s much easier to say, “I would never let someone walk all over me” when you have more years of experience with, you know, LIFE, and when you are not the one being pressured by three people at once and your own desires to not disappoint. Yes, this woman should have stood up for herself and refused to help these people who were treating her so poorly, but that’s always easier said than done, and it certainly does NOT make her a bad person.

Even if she reacted in a less-than-brave manner, it still doesn’t excuse the bridal party from their horrible actions. Let’s not forget who the real villains are, people!

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livvy April 26, 2010 at 2:38 pm

This is the first entry I’ve read with so much (undeserved IMHO) scorn for the OP. I would hope that most of us, especially when begged by our families, would try to look on the bright side of things and do the nice, polite, kind thing, as the OP did. I think she sounded very young (small income could be from a scholorship, for all we know). It may be that the HB promised lunch, a ride with others who didn’t smoke, etc. when pressuring the OP into going to San Fran. If you read carefully, she said she didn’t have money for a dress, and in the end, she decided not to get food because she was broke. To me, that sounds like she had a little emergency money, but decided to save her money rather than get food.
Yes, hopefully she’s learned from these experiences, but I can’t see where she deserves the derision shown here for essentially being polite and trying to do a kind thing for rude people.
To me, true manners are born from a desire to be considerate of others; a desire to have harmonious social interactions even at the expense of one’s own wishes or urges. The OP shows this spirit – many of the snarky commenters do not.

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VM April 29, 2010 at 2:43 am

Why are so many of you guys scornful, even incredulous, about the OP? Consider: When the father is pushover to the world, but feels perfectly free to bully his daughter, not only don’t you have a model for self-assertive behavior, the only “assertiveness” you see is one that personally hurts you. This is not the best training ground for confident behavior. Nor are your catcalls to “grow a spine!” a self-help seminar; they’re just as much bullying as any of the offenders of her story offered — “you shouldn’t complain, it’s all your fault!”

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SK May 4, 2010 at 11:54 am

Regarding the whole “why would she go on a day trip with no money” bit:

1) She never said she was expecting anyone to pay for her UNTIL she saw the bride paying for everyone else’s food.
2) If she just loves the city, and the point of the trip is for the BRIDAL PARTY to choose their dresses, what does she really need money for? Yeah, it would’ve been nice to have money for food, but she mentioned living on a small income. I remember being broke in high school and just packing up and going to the beach for the heck of it.

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Maryann July 7, 2010 at 7:22 am

Just a note: It’s not possible to be allergic to cigarette smoke. It’s an irritant, not an allergen. You can be sensitive, but no one is allergic. It doesn’t have the proteins necessary to produce an allergic reaction and can’t cause anaphylactic shock (though it can cause very serious reactions in people with certain conditions, like asthma.)

Not that I don’t sympathize, after a childhood around chain smokers, I’m extremely sensitive myself. A few minutes around smoke and it’s a cert that I’ll have a sore throat, sinusitis, bronchitis, or all three within 48 hours. Still not an allergic reaction, though.

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gramma dishes July 7, 2010 at 11:02 am

I’m shocked by the “blame the OP” attitude expressed repeatedly here. Clearly this girl was treated incredibly rudely! Paying for everyone’s lunch EXCEPT hers??? And the totally cruel “Oh, I forgot you were with us.” ????

Most people don’t INSTINCTIVELY have the ability to be assertive enough to say no, especially to their parents. It’s something that you have to learn either by watching others do it gracefully or, unfortunately in this case, through experience. In this case she kept hoping things would get better, but obviously they didn’t. She was trying, hard, to be “nice” and to not disappoint her father or put him in a bad situation.

I think she’s submitted this as an indication that she NOW sees where everything went wrong and why. In other words, from having this experience — horrific as it was — she won’t be repeating this scenario in the future.

I think she did extremely well under the circumstances that confronted her. Her Dad should be the one we should be mad at. Sadly, he probably to this very day doesn’t know what he put his daughter through.

And OP, I do believe your story!

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Jay Dub August 15, 2010 at 9:56 pm

Just terrible, terrible people.
All of the people in the peanut gallery accusing the woman of having no spine are apparently blind to the way girls are raised–despite many having been girls. We teach girls to be agreeable and accompanying and nice and generous and to not offend people. It’s no surprise that a young, inexperienced woman went along with something her parent, someone she trusted and had respect for, told her to do.

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Lenera August 18, 2010 at 2:51 am

It is extremely difficult to tread the fine line between a polite refusal and rudeness. Especially when, as this lady stated, her parent was a pushover, too. I applaud the OP for helping someone out even with no personal bennefit to her. After all, that’s what “helping” is all about. I feel very sorry for her, and wish that the receipients of her actions had been more gracious, but at least they were not so tactless as to put her through all that and then not even thank her. so, perhaps, there may be some glimmer of hope.
Maryann, I also know that it is impossible to be “allergic” to cigarette smoke, but most people don’t understand that “severe sensitivity” can be just as bad as any allergy attack. For example, as far as my family is concerned, I am allergic to cigarette smoke. I have moderate asthma, and cigarette smoke will always set off an attack. After my first attempt at trying to explain about “severe sensitivity,” I, also, resorted to merely saying “allergic.” And so does most everybody else I know with similar issues.

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CherryBlossom October 16, 2010 at 3:48 pm

@Gloria Shiner ~ And how, precisely, would one ask if others intended to pay for a meal without looking as if it was expected and thus being accused of rudeness? She mentions that her dad ‘bullied’ her into going even when she didn’t want to, it looks to me like this girl was invited through her father. If the MOB contacted the girl’s father to invite her along, as opposed to the bride herself contacting the girl, that kind of indicates a level of adult planning and carries a bit more of an expectation that the meal is included in the trip. Indeed apparently it WAS included for everyone else invited. Also it could be that she knew she wouldn’t have money for food and that was one of the primary reasons she objected to going in the first place, but like she said her father put a lot of pressure on her to go anyway and in the end she caved knowing that she’d be hungry.

It seems to me from some of the things the OP says (‘may father wondered why I cried so much that summer’ as well as how many instances of interaction with him come up in the story) that she was still living at home when this took place, so I get the impression she was in her teens. It is hard enough to say no to a parent, but it’s especially tough when you still live with them and they may threaten some sort of discipline if you don’t go along with their wishes. Based on her comment about how the family knew of her cigarette sensitivities I believe that she knew they were smokers, but perhaps she expected them to accommodate her a little more? Especially if the MOB was the person organizing the trip and had been informed of the problem. The fact that the OP was coughing uncontrollably by the end of the trip and everyone neglected to ask if the smoke was the problem just shows what uncommonly thoughtless people they are. Most of us tend to function on the expectation of better behavior than this from others, I don’t see why we should blame the OP for doing the same.

The majority of women learn to stand up for themselves when they get tired of being taken advantage of, it’s rarely a trait that comes naturally, especially in a culture that until recently prized submissiveness in women above almost everything else. I applaud those women who have mastered the skill, but I think it speaks poorly for our gender that so many immediately pounce on the OP for not being stronger instead of trying to be more encouraging. I think she handled it as well as she was mentally and emotionally equipped to, and I hope she learned enough from it to avoid similar circumstances next time.

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Slightly Annoyed January 28, 2011 at 2:56 pm

Not possible to be allergic to cigarette smoke because there isn’t protein in the smoke? That’s bold.
How do people get cancer from cigarette smoke that don’t smoke? The carcinogens are carried in the particles of the smoke into the person, latching onto the lungs/mouth/throat.
I can’t speak for everyone, but my “not possible” allergy causes my throat to close within seconds of me inhaling cigarette smoke from someone else’s lovely habit. A closing throat that doesn’t involve an infection or a pre-existing condition (asthma) is an allergy. Please don’t make statements like that. They insult those of us that *do* have this condition.

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Blurgle February 28, 2011 at 2:58 am

The allergy claim is actually a lie spread by smoker’s rights advocates. Tobacco smoke indeed contains proteins, but it is perfectly possible to have a Type 1 anaphylactic reaction to a non-protein – nickel, for instance, or certain medications.

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Hollanda, UK April 18, 2011 at 7:22 am

Whether or not you can be allergic to cigarette smoke is by the by. I have read this several times now and CANNOT work out why people are being so mean towards the OP. She could have not long graduated and be supporting herself on a low-paid job such as waitressing, to be able to afford a place of her own. Jumping to conclusions or castigating her for circumstances we know little about OTHER than what has been posted above, is surely bad etiquette in itself! A further point here is that if she enjoys DJing as much as I do (which is A LOT!) then the prospect of doing it as a gift to someone else may have been quite appealing. Certainly when I was 20 I would never have refused to do something for someone as a gift if asked by them (to actually ASK someone to DJ at their wedding for free is a little much IMO…if that DJ offers to do it for free as a gift then that is different!). The OP’s father comes across to me as somewhat unhelpful but that doesn’t mean that either of them are bad people and I hate to see people judged so negatively about this especially when she has made no attempt to rebuke said negative comments.

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Jillybean April 29, 2011 at 1:07 pm

I think people were probably being hard on her because of statements like “but I loathed this girl” and “They were the tackiest, trashiest people I’d ever met, and spending time with them was like watching a live episode of Jerry Springer.” These were opinions she indicates having BEFORE the wedding, not as a result of the wedding, which to me, might make things slightly different.

She talks about not having money and being bullied into tagging along on the San Fran outing, but then complains that she wasn’t invited to the shower (ok, I can see that) or the bachelorrette party (nope, not seeing the faux pas in that – she doesn’t even LIKE this girl and is not in the wedding, why WOULD she be invited?). She apparently has something against country music (or somehow thinks that’s making a statement about the offenders) as she doesn’t say that the radio was on too loud but specifies the “offensive” music and mentions it being torture. She criticizes the bride’s bouquet (making the bride’s bouquet out of fake flowers from Wal-Mart). She criticizes nearly everyone she mentions in the story, including her own father.

Was she treated horribly? Absolutely. Were people inexplicably rude to her? Absolutely. Can I understand why some of the commentors don’t give her a free pass? Absolutely!

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Cat June 25, 2011 at 9:30 pm

If I had known at age 20 what I know now at age 61, I would have done a great many things differently. I too tried to be polite and kind to everyone and obeyed my parents. It takes time for spines to grow, especially for females raised in the fifties where women were to be ladies, passive and obedient, and men ruled the world. It takes time to learn how to be assertive without being aggressive. My mother would run and hide in her bedroom whenever anything unpleasant happened. She never learned to be her own person as Granny (and, if Satan had a sister….) lived with us. She was under her mother’s thumb until the day she died at age 57. Granny lived into her 90′s and died still puzzled that she could not rule me as she ruled my mother. Don’t worry, you will grow into the person you choose to become if you give yourself permission to make mistakes and to learn from them. In the final analysis, you don’t have to live with anyone other than yourself; you do have to live with yourself so make your own choices and follow your own conscience.

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Maury + Jerry Springer show August 14, 2011 at 11:15 pm

Wow I probably would of quit half way, you have guts my friend. I was just waiting for something lik e`HE IS NOTTT THE FATHER!`. Whole thing seems to be a messed but I was glad the Bride stood up for you when the BM bullied you :)

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