Who Was This Party Really For?

by admin on March 2, 2010

Hello, here to share a story that happened to me a couple of years ago.  In retrospect, I also should have grown a backbone too.

It was my 21st birthday, and I had a friend and his fiancee invite me over to spend a night, watch movies, etc.  My older sister was also included.

I would like to include in the background that my sister has cerebral palsy, and while not a terribly crippled case, she does need special care.  This is important later.

So my BF and his little brother, also invited, arrange to pick us up.  We get there and they’ve already started watching movies without me.  Not a big deal, but it’s not a movie I terribly liked, either.

After the first, I bring out my own movie.  I was asked to bring one, so this is just a note.

Well, more guests start coming in.  People I barely know, or haven’t even met before in my life, no one I would feel special or close to.  They’re all friends of the fiancee, and she thought it’d be fun.  Apparently, this also doubles as a going away party for one of the guests, again, one I never met, and no one told me ahead of time.  Fine, I’ll live through it.

After everyone else arrives, they request a horror movie.  I am not a fan of said genre at all, and it scares both my sister and I.  It’s a very long one, over six hours, and I insisted against it, as well as my BF and my sister.  Everyone else wanted to watch it, and hostess wanted to put it on for all the people who have never seen it before.  I also got told I would absolutely LOVE it.

I don’t like scary movies, so BF and I improvise plans for my sister to go home and get some medication she really did forget, and maybe for the three of us to stop and get milkshakes from a local dairy.  We acted like we planned this all along, and sister was coming purely because she forgot her CP medication.

Hostess tells us that if we were to get shakes, we had to get one for every single guest of the party, too, or else we couldn’t leave.

I was planning on paying these off with the 20 dollars I had received in birthday money, and in retrospect of needing a spine, I agreed to getting one each for couples.  This is in the multitude of 8 different shakes, and running around 3 dollars a shake;  BF was nice and helped cover the last few dollars, and I had to take everyone’s orders.

We came back and sister and I pretended to be interested in the ceiling and current events.  BF and his brother had to go home for the night.

Next, we paused the movie so we could have some dinner.  Hostess again, great cook, but then came present opening.

They had gotten me two gifts.  I should add that while I understand they are poor, it feels like they should have never gotten me anything at all.  I don’t want to sound like a Gimme Pig there, but when your presents are a pair of test tube tongs and zit cream, I think you would feel slighted too.  It felt completely impersonal, and insulting, as I do have acne, and I’ve been trying to control it.

They continued the movie.  Sister and I had newfound interest in architecture of the Gothic period.

Movie is finally over, it’s now 1 AM.  Great, can we get to sleep?

Sure we can.  Boys get one room, girls get the other.  Again, all fair.

Well, all the hostess’ guests get spots on furniture.  A futon bed goes to the hostess, her seven month old son, and the only other person I knew from the party.  A rocking chair goes to the Going Away Guest.  A sofa goes to yet another girl I never knew before this party.  Yes, I had no other friends there, except my sister and BF.  A lot of the guests the Going Away Guest knew.

My sister and I?  We get told to sleep on the floor, which is very thin, weaved carpet.

If it weren’t so late, I would have called a ride to go home.  Not for me sleeping on the floor, but my sister, whose aforementioned CP needs constant comfort-objects to keep her muscles from getting too stiff and painful.

I called my mother for a ride home early the next morning.  We were wanted to stay longer, but it just wasn’t fun, I didn’t feel wanted, and I was madder than a hornet that my sister had to sleep on a floor when everyone else was perfectly healthy, that I didn’t say anything about it, and the party felt more thrown in favor for Going Away Guest than it was for me, and that I was an afterthought.   0226-10

{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }

Fox March 2, 2010 at 7:46 am

One of my biggest pet peeves is “combined” parties with two guests of honour – especially when the two GoHs don’t even know each other, or know each other that well. If you’re BFFs or perhaps siblings, that’s one thing, but deciding to combine two parties just to save some money without a thought to the comfort of your guests feels terribly rude. It sounds like the hostess (or your friend) should have just invited you to a party without trying to make it into your birthday party – especially when, as you note, it wasn’t about you. I had some well-meaning friends throw me a surprise birthday party a few years back and they seemed to think I’d be flattered by a big guest list, so they invited some of *their* friends who I had only met once or twice and barely knew. Instead of feeling flattered, I felt hideously awkward, especially when these poor people chipped in for my dinner and one even brought me a gift! Fortunately we later became good friends but at the time I was fairly mortified.

When throwing a party, you need to decide what the point of the event is. If it’s for *you* to have as much fun as possible, that’s fine – invite all your friends. But if it’s supposed to be in honour of someone else, you should think about what might make them uncomfortable and try to invite *their* friends. I imagine the going-away guest felt just as awkward sharing his or her going away party with some birthday girl s/he didn’t know. If this was your friend’s idea, he ought to have talked his fiancee out of combining the two events, and just taken you out to dinner or something instead.

Beyond that, I’m a little horrified that they invited you for a sleepover then made you sleep on the floor. If one can not provide bedding for all the guests, one ought to be clear about that upfront so the guests can decide whether or not they bring a sleeping bag or so they can arrange to leave before bedtime. The fact that the fiance’s friends took precedence over you and yours seems to be an unfortunate indicator of your friend’s (the one who threw the party) priorities.

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Amy March 2, 2010 at 10:36 am

Gah.. what a horror.
I’m pretty sure I would have left to get the milkshakes, and not come back. If by some chance I had stayed, the zit cream would have been the last straw.. how rude.

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Challis March 2, 2010 at 12:29 pm

yep, totally s hould have NEVER come back after the milkshakes. and just flat-out refused to get one for everyone, this was your OUT!

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Morty'sCleaningLady March 2, 2010 at 3:45 pm

Did the baby watch the 6 hour horror flick?

I wouldn’t have returned after going for ice cream. Next day, send an email to the hostess and explain that something came up.

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Jayne March 2, 2010 at 9:50 pm

Hosting a single party in favor of two totally unconnected people is usually awkward – maybe not rude per se, but not usually a huge social sucess. But making someone with CP sleep on the floor????? When what furniture that was available was given out to able bodied people???? I would have left that very moment. Those hosts were either total creeps or the most ignorant people I could ever imagine.

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Cyndi March 2, 2010 at 10:38 pm

The guest had a right to leave with her sister. It wasn’t fair to be told to bring back milkshakes like that. Rude, rude, RUDE!

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Nicole March 3, 2010 at 12:29 am

I wish I could say I’m surprised about the, erm, sleeping arrangements. Sadly, I’ve been there. I have Spina Bifida, my friends are all aware that I have serious back problems, yet somehow every couch is claimed and I’m told to sleep on the floor. I stopped accepting overnight invites from most of them.

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Dee March 3, 2010 at 1:17 am

You should have left when you had the chance–going to get your sister’s medication. You could have gotten the milkshakes, went home, waited a bit and then called and said you had a headache–which you probably did! Also, you should not have mentioned the milkshakes in front of everyone else. That was an error, but you should not have been bullied into buying them for everyone.

I would limit the time I spend with this friend and his fiancee. You can see where you fit in importance in their lives and how much ompassion they had for your sister–that would be a deal breaker right there.

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TylerBelle March 4, 2010 at 12:34 am

At the very least if the hostess’ guests wanted milkshakes, too, then they pay for them. No pay, no get. And as mentioned, I too would be out the door to get the meds and our shakes, and hopefully never to return.

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Whitney March 5, 2010 at 4:31 pm

Oh, this all makes me cringe. I’d go ahead and check that “friend” off the list. I also would have never come back after leaving to get milkshakes. Run and don’t turn back!

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Ziya March 8, 2010 at 6:23 pm

Ditto with what everyone else was saying. Leave to get the medication and NOT come back.

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Mary March 9, 2010 at 2:52 pm

What a horrible night for you and your sister, I am so sorry. I, too, would have left for the milkshakes and not returned. I can’t imagine such rude, classless people. Hopefully you cut off all contact with this s0-called “friend” and his fiancee.

Oh, and I might add, what a fine wife she’ll make for your friend one day, hopefully they will split up.

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Alexis March 9, 2010 at 4:56 pm

I agree with the other posters. Leave for the milkshakes and don’t come back.

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Amy March 11, 2010 at 6:31 am

I would’ve left immediately, telling the hostess I was ill……..The horror film should have been the first red-flag of a perfectly horrorible night.

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Kim May 1, 2010 at 7:48 am

The birthday girl not only has to go get milkshakes for a party, but pay for them too?

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Starry-Eyed Abelone May 8, 2011 at 7:03 pm

I am appalled at this situation.
1. The hosts requested a horror movie, which you and your sister don’t like.
2.You and your sister went to get milkshakes, and the hosts said you had to get one for everyone, which is wrong.
3. Your sister has CP, which requires her to sleep with comfort objects, yet you two were told to sleep on the floor.
I feel sorry for you and your sister.

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Ashley May 18, 2011 at 6:33 pm

Man, oh man…..this story was horrible even BEFORE the poor girl was given acne cream for her b-day!

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Tori November 20, 2011 at 10:36 pm

Wow…the only time you have two guests of honor is if they are twins.

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