I was friends with “Kaye” back in high school, but we drifted apart after I went away to college. I haven’t actually seen her in about 5 years, but we “friended” one another on Facebook. It was on Facebook that she announced her engagement to “Doug,” whom I have never met. I congratulated her on Facebook, but under the circumstances I was not expecting an invitation to the wedding.
Well, lo and behold, three weeks ago, I received a wedding invitation to Kaye and Doug’s wedding from her parents. There was no reply card inside, in fact no mention of a reception or any RSVP instructions at all. There was, however, an insert that read, “The couple is registered at Bed Bath & Beyond and Wal-Mart.” I knew that the bride along with her mother had assembled and mailed the wedding invitations, because she said so on Facebook. So what’s the message here? I am invited to the ceremony, but not to the reception, and they still expect a gift? If Kaye had written me a note or called me to say that she missed me and really wanted me to attend, I probably would have relented, but the lack of any personal message coupled with the direct solicitation for a gift made this decision a no-brainer.
I RSVP’d to the wedding invitation by writing directly to her parents, the hosts, saying I was sorry, but would not be attending. I wasn’t sure how to say anything to the bride, or even what to say. I never heard from Kaye.
Today I logged onto Facebook and discovered that Kaye had posted a “Friend Facts” poll on my profile Wall, posing the question, “Do you think Theresa O’Neill is a loyal friend?” My jaw dropped. So far, my other Facebook friends have not given that poll the dignity of a response. (Except for one who doesn’t know Kaye or the wedding situation, but that person defended me.)
The coup de grace? Although it had been a couple of weeks since I sent my regrets for the wedding, today I received an invitation to Kaye’s bridal shower, hosted by her mother, sister, and another woman (don’t know the relationship). Ironically enough, conspicuously absent from the shower invitation was any mention of a registry!
If I screwed up anywhere along the way, I humbly repent to the etiquette gods. I have only told this story to one other person, who basically told me to cross Kaye off my list—although his language was a little more colorful. 0223-10