Can I Borrow Your Wedding Dress Before You Even Wear It?

by admin on March 8, 2010

I am from a Hindu family, and was going to be getting married at a Mandir (Temple) in a fairly traditional ceremony.  However, although I enjoy my culture and traditions, I also wanted my wedding to reflect my aesthetics.  So, after much search and research, we had a custom outfit made that was traditional enough for my mother (traditional fabric, and customary bead work etc, and also conservative in cut/shape while being fitted and flattering) while expressing my tastes as well.  What it translated to was a less traditional/cumbersome version of a bridal outfit, except that it was a beautiful aqua (Indian brides always wear red at the ceremony).  Surprisingly, after the initial hesitation, everyone loved my outfit.  So much so, that when best friend/bridesmaid got to my final fitting before me, she decided to try on my wedding outfit (we have similar figures).  I walked into the fitting area to see her standing there in my wedding lehenga, telling me that she just ‘HAD’ to borrow it for huge wedding that she had been invited to attend (my wedding was fairly small and a destination wedding, so no one would have seen it).

Now, I realize that she never even would have thought to ask if my outfit had been red (it would’ve been like wearing white to a church wedding), and by being unconventional in my color choice, it might have made it seem more of an elaborate party dress – but it WAS my wedding outfit.

I was so shocked that I couldn’t even respond.  Thankfully the designer walked in behind me and told her that it was rude to try on someone elses wedding attire.  Am I totally wrong to be upset that she not only tried on my outfit, but that she wanted to borrow it for a party?  At the very least, isn’t this just tacky?  0728-08

{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

hyacinth March 8, 2010 at 7:56 am

Your best friend sounds like a very selfish girl and you had every right to be upset.

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Kristin March 8, 2010 at 10:47 am

That was so rude of your rude. You have every reason to be upset.

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BeagleMommy March 8, 2010 at 10:49 am

Completely inappropriate and rude. However beautiful the dress may have been, you don’t ask to wear a bride’s wedding attire before she gets the chance to wear it. If the guest asked after the wedding it would still be up to the bride to let her wear it.

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Erica March 8, 2010 at 11:30 am

It is beyond tacky — it’s inconsiderate to try on people’s clothes without asking, it’s inappropriate to do so with their wedding attire, it’s outright rude to ask to borrow it for a different party, regardless of what the color is. I guess you should be grateful she didn’t ask to wear it to your wedding!

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Yarnspinner March 8, 2010 at 11:55 am

At the very least? It was all out tacky and rude. I hope she at least had the decency to be embarrassed when the the designer scolded her. You have every reason to be upset: this was for YOUR big day and not hers. That took some special snowflake nerve on her part.

Hope your day goes beautifully! Congratulations and best of luck for the future.

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Louise March 8, 2010 at 2:25 pm

I would be irritated if a friend told me she just HAD to borrow anything of mine. Unless it’s a unique item and some kind of emergency, you don’t. It’s mine, not yours! It’s up to me to decide to lend.

I would be ticked off to see anyone wearing my wedding gown without my permission. Did the dressmakers really permit her to try on your dress without your authorization? I would be supremely ticked off at them, too. They’re not allowed to make those decisions (at least not here in the United States).

It sounds your friend was overwhelmed by how wonderful your dress looks that she had a momentary memory lapse and forgot it was a bridal gown (you do point out she wouldn’t have asked if your gown were red). I’m skeptical, though; she’s a bridesmaid there for your wedding gown fitting. Surely it must be difficult to have that kind of memory lapse under those circumstances?

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N Harper March 8, 2010 at 3:03 pm

I think your friend was rude to try on your dress and ask to borrow the outfit. I also wonder if she took it upon herself to try on the dress or if she asked the sales staff to pull it out for her. In that case, the designer needs to remind her staff of propriety and not allow anyone to come in and try on other people’s garments.

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Asharah March 8, 2010 at 7:42 pm

Is she still in the wedding party after pulling that stunt?

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Fox March 8, 2010 at 8:11 pm

I am speechless. Asking to borrow it is bad enough, but at least no actual harm has been done and she could just be clueless. But trying on your wedding dress? That is just.. I am flabbergasted. That is such a violation and so hurtful and thoughtless. And this is your best friend? Yikes. No matter how close you are to someone, putting on their wedding dress, especially before the wedding, is definitely where you draw a line!

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Kit Fox March 8, 2010 at 9:13 pm

Horribly rude! And you should certainly NOT let her borrow it! What if something is spilled on your beautiful, custom-made wedding dress during this party?

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Mom March 9, 2010 at 4:11 pm

I suppose the silver lining is that your friend has validated your excellent taste in clothing….

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Alexis March 9, 2010 at 4:47 pm

AAAACK! Yes! That was extremely rude! And if the designer knew it was rude to try on someone else’s wedding dress, why did she bring it out for her in the first place?!

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Kim March 11, 2010 at 2:27 am

Alexis, I doubt that the designer brought the dress out for the friend. What I think happened was the friend walks into the room, where the staff may have told her to go, and the dress was already there, maybe on one of those dress forms, or a hanger, and she just decided to put it on without anyone knowing. Either way, it’s just plain rude.

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Jamesey April 23, 2010 at 5:28 pm

Just came across this story. I’m a little weird about people touching my things, especially my new things. Isn’t it bad luck to have someone else put on your wedding dress or am I making that up? Either way, the whole story made me itch.

On a separate note, I’m surprised your family was cool with you choosing aqua and not red. I’ve never seen or heard of that before.

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