Wedding Wednesday – No Bachelor Party
My sister “Pam” and her fiancé “Jim” are getting married in two weeks. They are both in the early 30’s , and this is the first marriage for both of them. They’ve had a rather long courtship (12 years) and a very long engagement (almost 8 years). There are a lot of reasons for the delay: her going back to school, him serving two tours in the army, both experiencing career changes, etc. But finally, the planets have aligned, and they are now ready to make it official. They set the date a year ago and sent out save-the-dates 6 months ago. I’m in the bridal party, as are both of Jim’s brothers and a couple friends.
Over the last two months, I’ve hosted both Beth’s bridal shower and bachelorette party. Both went smoothly, and we had a great time. Last night (two weeks out from the wedding), Pam called me for advice. Apparently, neither Jim’s brothers nor his friends have planned a bachelor party or celebration of any kind for Jim before the wedding. Jim had mentioned ideas to them several times over the last few weeks. Pam even took the initiative to reach out to each of the groomsmen and make sure they had each other’s contact information. Jim wasn’t expecting anything big. Pizza, beer, and poker would have been fine. Mostly I think he just wanted the comfort of knowing he had people in his life who cared enough to make an effort. But not one of them did. Jim is heartbroken.
Pam told me that she reached out to each of the groomsmen to find out what happened. Of course, they all had their reasons: jobs, kids, various obligations. I personally do not buy that excuse. I have a full-time job, a kid, and many obligations and still managed to host TWO bridal events for my sister. Also, these guys have known about the wedding for the better part of a year. I don’t know if it’s the fact of Pam and Jim’s long engagement, laziness on the part of the groomsmen, or just poor communication that’s at fault here. As far as I know, Jim has a good relationship with both of his brothers, so that’s not the issue.
I know, I know, I know. No one is OWED a bachelor party. But I can’t help but feel bad for Jim. I feel like his friends and brothers let him down. And now Pam, who is already overwhelmed with wedding planning, is asking me what to do. Should she do nothing and encourage Jim to just get over it? Should she plan a party for him herself? Should she call up the groomsmen and demand that they put something together ASAP? For what it’s worth, I promised Pam that if the groomsmen don’t come through, I would plan a party in Jim’s honor next weekend. I may not be a guy, but I know how to throw together a shindig on short notice.
What do the EHellions think about this? 0913-18
Cell Phone Etiquette – is it really necessary to like things?
This morning I was relaxing, about 8:00 in the morning, when I received a text from my DIL. She and family were on a weekend trip, and she had sent about 10 photos in this text, which went to about 10 people.
The first person replied all – something to the effect of Have a nice trip.
2nd person also.
So far, not too bad.
Then person number 3 had to like each of the 10 photos, as well as the 2 previous comments. So I received 12 more messages.
Not to be outdone, person #4 decided to do the same.
Within less than 5 minutes I had received over 30 texts, only 3 of which actually said anything. Is this really necessary? Am I wrong in thinking that’s it rude to “like” everything? And if there is a way to turn this off please let me know! 1201-18
My family blows up the cell phones with texts every once in a while. We tend to devolve into sending GIF animations. As long as it’s restricted to once every 2 months or so, none of us has a real problem with it.
There is a setting on most smart phones that allows you to silence a particular conversation so you don’t hear the constant alerts of a new message.
The Dreaded Question
My DH and I have been together for 13 years, no children. Every holiday during our family visits we get the dreaded question: “When are you two going to have kids?”
We are not interested in having children……at all. We thought it would be an acceptable answer, but family still insists to know why. Then things get awkward. We don’t want to offend the parents in our family by saying we don’t like children. We’ve tried fibbing by saying, “We’re trying…but nothing” but the conversation gets even more awkward with baby making tips.
I’m very interested in this community’s opinion on how to answer this question in the best way! 1231-16
This is merely my opinion but when relatives keep nattering wanting to know information you aren’t willing to share or they won’t accept the answer given, it’s time to switch to viewing this as a game that you must win. And games are fun! Go to holiday dinner prepared with a humorous, fantastical story. For example, one relative of ours has a long scar down the middle of his chest and he isn’t interested in retelling the boring medical history of why it is there so he fabricated a story of being attacked by a shark. People get the idea that he’s kindly dismissing their intrusive question but it’s done to amuse as well. I know the real story of how his scar came into being so I play along with the shark story and feign horror. I’ve seen some bean-dipping fantasy stories take on a complete life of their own so much that they become family folklore.
I don’t think anyone needs to know the reason why you do not want children. At holidays it’s a recipe for contention as the issue becomes serious and debates can ensue. In your shoes I might come up with a stupid story that gremlins seem to be invading my bed each night and stealing my eggs. Or that I’ve been diagnosed with necliberositis (from the Latin nec liberos meaning “no children”) and that I cannot have children. Yes, it’s stupid BUT people are being stupid asking intrusive questions and it’s a way to skirt around the intricacies of serious issues with a little humor.
Do You Have To Buy The Book At A Book Launch?
I am wondering what people think about the etiquette of going to a book launch when you may not buy the book. Would you feel obliged to buy the book knowing there was food and drink provided? I am regularly invited to book launches (some by friends and others by authors I have heard of but don’t know well) and don’t always want to purchase. I hadn’t thought anything of it until someone said to me, “I wouldn’t go if I didn’t intend to buy the book”. 1126-18
Book launches are an advertising expense for the publisher (or the author if self promoting) and it’s written off as an expense in the hope that eventually the revenues will be greater than the expense. In my opinion, it would be imprudent for any business owner to presume that 100% of his/her potential customers will all respond to advertising and purchase the item being advertised. It simply isn’t realistic.
However, having as many warm bodies at a book launch or signing is advantageous…nothing worse than walking into a book store and seeing a sad author sitting forlornly at a signing table with no one interested in his books at all.
So , go, enjoy the book launch parties. Just because you don’t buy the book at the event does not mean you won’t at a later date.