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All This Drama Over An Invitation

My cousin John’s daughter and my daughter are the same age, 15. We live about 1/2 hour away from each other. We get together 7-10 times a year for birthdays, holidays and to hang out. They invited my daughter to go to an event in LA to meet some actors from a TV show both girls enjoy. This invitation was extended the middle of June for leaving the 1st weekend in Nov and was to be a gift for their daughter’s birthday which is mid-Nov. We said she would love to go.

Fast forward to Halloween. My Aunt Jane (my mother’s sister and John’s mother) was in town visiting and currently staying with John’s family. DH and I had been out of the country for 5 days and had just returned. My Aunt Jane called my mom to tell her to tell me that my daughter was invited to John’s daughter’s mid-Nov birthday lunch. This was happening over Veteran’s Day weekend, which is a 3 day weekend sometimes here in the US. That date happened to be the same time my daughter would be out of town with our church for an annual youth event. One she goes to every year. This event was pre-paid in Aug. So, I told my mom that my daughter couldn’t attend the lunch as she would be out of town. Keep in mind we haven’t seen an invitation and are getting this information 3rd hand.

Later that day, my mother gets a call from my cousin’s wife, we’ll call Angela, screaming and yelling that how dare my mother say my daughter can’t go to the lunch! She was screaming so loud my mother had to remove the phone from her ear. She then proceeds to berate my poor mother and that she had expected us there and now we weren’t coming. She was saying how rude we were for not coming as she was expecting us. I don’t know how she was expecting us as we had never even heard from them nor seen any sort of invitation. She then calls me and left a screaming and yelling voice mail. When I call her back she proceeds to scream at me that I am very rude and she is done talking and hangs up. I text her and ask her what is going on as I have no idea. I was very gracious and giving her the benefit of the doubt. She then calls me the next day and starts in with what a liar my mother is as she told her we would be there and she makes all the plans for our family! I have no idea where she got this idea from as my mother also had just found out about the party and she hasn’t made plans for me since I was a young child! She also called my mom a liar as she knows for a fact that my daughter is not going on this trip. She then states that she couldn’t have possibly sent me the invitation as we were out of the country. She told me she has never been this mad in her entire life and then hangs up.

We debated about letting our daughter go on the trip to LA with them. We ultimately let her go. But I told my cousin in no uncertain terms (as his wife never answered her phone or came over) that I needed to talk to his wife. That until we talk there will be a wall up between our families and it just breaks my heart. He kept telling me to talk to her. I kept telling him I would love to but she won’t come over or return my phone calls. So I told him to have her call me.

Some back story: I texted them a picture of my daughter’s 8th grade graduation invitation 6 weeks prior. I hand delivered it 4 weeks prior. I texted them 2 weeks prior to remind them. Fast forward to the night of, in a packed house saving 3 seats 10 min into the ceremony. I text them to see if they’re lost. She texts me back, “Is that tonight? We’re already in bed.” It was 710 PM! My response was sorry you missed it. I would have had every right to scream and yell like she did, but I didn’t. Angela is extremely manipulative and controlling and does whatever she wants. If she doesn’t want to do something, they don’t do it. She is also from a Latin American country and uses that as an excuse for her poor behavior. She has been in the US for 30 years!

My mother was trying to be nice and invited them to my brother’s birthday party this June. Angela hasn’t called and we haven’t spoken since she talked at me and hung up back in November. Angela and I didn’t speak at the party. I did speak to John, her husband. My daughter asked Angela if their daughter was coming to her birthday party. She didn’t give Angela the date, just asked if their daughter could come. Angela laughed and said, “Oh no, we’ll be on our cruise! Ha ha ha!” My daughter was very hurt by this so she sent her a very nice text telling her how sad she was that she would treat her this way. And how sad she was that she would treat my mother and me the way that she has. And my 15 yr old daughter wanted to talk to her on the phone and asked Angela to call her. I read the text and it was very nice and heartfelt.

Now, Angela is not speaking to either of us due to our “rudeness”. She has blocked me and now my daughter, from all social media. She has blocked our numbers from her phone as she told my mother we were so rude and hurtful to her. She has called up my mother and lied about me saying I told her to stay away from my kids (2 of my kids are adults and I never tell them who they can and cannot see!) and she was hurt that I didn’t hug her at the party! (Takes 2 to hug and she came nowhere near me either). She is also calling Aunt Jane and lying to her about my daughter and saying that my daughter told her to stay away from us! Total lies! All we wanted to do was have a conversation with her. But, apparently she wants to have her 2 year old tantrum and think we’re the bad people. She has always been controlling and manipulative, but this was the last straw. Who treats anyone like that? 0828-18

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This story hit Twitter, Reddit, Facebook and then the news outlets late last week.   I screenshot the Facebook posts but it’s probably easier to simply direct everyone to read one of the news media stories.  So trot on over to this URL:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-6101095/Canadian-Susan-cancels-extravagant-60-000-wedding-guests-refused-fork-1-500.html

And then come back here to discuss….

Is this a real story?   We’ve read of some pretty horrific bridezillas on Ehell over the years.   It falls in the realm of being plausible given that extreme entitlement is not a new phenomenon.

The question I have pertains to the groom. He clearly knew of this scheme. There’s a lot of “we wanted…we toured…we dreamed…we asked” written in that Facebook status and culminate with the groom’s family pledging $3K for the wedding.    And yet in the comment sections on sites where this appears, many people write that the groom “dodged a bullet”, as if the guy was an unwitting victim only just now realizing what a bridezilla he nearly married.   Say what?   He’s just as guilty as she is of trying to milk friends and family of a LOT of cash to fund an overly extravagant wedding.

In a turn of events, someone claiming to be Susan’s cousin said the Facebook status was only up for 15 minutes before it was deleted.

‘Clearly she has entitlement issues, but I have never known her to be this obnoxious. Honestly, over the years she’s been nice and overall sweet. No red flags come to mind,’ the cousin said.

‘On a final note, I understand everyone’s valid concern about her leaving her son for two months to go backpacking. However nobody believes she’s actually going to South America. This woman has never been outside the US.

‘We all think she’s saying that to be dramatic. I also have a feeling she may have been drinking while writing this status, it’s especially vulgar and incredibly embarrassing. It was only up for maybe 15 minutes before she took it down.’

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Who Gets To Spill The Beans First?

Hi have a question for you where I don’t know if me and my husband were in the wrong or my SIL is overly sensitive/self centered.

I gave birth to my second child a couple of days ago, two weeks before the due date. Everything went incredibly fast and we only had time to tell a handful of people that we were on our way to the hospital (my parents, my husband’s parents and the sitter that was going to take care of child no. 1 while I was in labour). Everything went well and we had a beautiful, healthy baby girl.

Of course, after the delivery we began sharing the news with family and friends, starting with those closest to us. I informed “my side” of the family while DH started on his. My husband called his parents who unfortunately did not pick up, but he left a message. He then continued by texting his aunt, and before he got around to inform anyone else he got a text from his sister that “I hear rumors from (aunt) that the baby has arrived, thanks for letting me know”. DH were left a bit perplex because he was just then in the process of contacting his sister, and a bit unhappy that his aunt had spilled the beans on our behalf.

The day after, my SIL called her brother and was unhappy that aunt D was given the news before her. DH tried to explain that the notification time between her and aunt D was literally one minute (which can be proven by looking at time stamps on the phone calls and text messages involved). She accused him of lying and deliberately shutting her out. Nothing more came of that conversation.

My problem with this is two things – First of all, I very much dislike that other family members take it upon themselves to spread such information, unless explicitly told to pass it on on our behalf. (I must add that NO social media announcement had been made at this point, so I didn’t consider it public knowledge that the baby had arrived). But the aunt in question is a bit old and although she means no harm she doesn’t always think things through. I have chalked it up to a unfortunate slip om her behalf.

Second, my biggest issue is this – I think my SIL is acting bratty and rude when she apparently is offended that she was not “higher up on the list of people informed” and accused my husband of lying to her when he tried to explain what actually went down. She even said after his explanation that she don’t know who to believe and she don’t like being lied to. What’s to believe or not?? She was in the group of people that we prioritized to tell first, but someone beat us to it.. Get over yourself and accept that our first priority is to inform those closest to us about the baby’s arrival and not necessarily dwell too long on who is higher in the family hierarchy and thus must be treated this way.
Am I wrong? Should we have handled this differently?

I must add that SIL often creates this type of drama and it has really started to rub me the wrong way so I just might be a bit biased in my judgement of her behavior, but the bottom line is that she is not at all the focal point of this happening, she would have been informed promptly when things had settled down (so no deliberate shunning or otherwise “keeping her out” on our part), and I think that she should really get over herself and not make a fuss over the fact that “aunt x was told before me and I feel overlooked”.

Or she could just be the bigger person and let it go because me and DH just went through this big ordeal and this is not the time to create drama over nothing.

Any thoughts? 0823-18

There are situations in life where you just want to roll your eyes and insist that certain people get over it.    SIL is a drama queen who turns the focus of a new family member into being all about her not getting an exclusive update.   Sheesh,  get over it, SIL!  In the grand scheme of life this is so petty to waste emotions and time over.

And Aunt Blabbermouth races to share news that isn’t hers, even beating out the father of the baby.   If you are one of those people who immediately shares dramatic news you’ve just discovered, be it either a happy event like the birth of a child or a sad one like the unexpected death,  you should carefully examine why you feel the need to share that information when you are likely not the original “owner” of that information.   I’ve seen too many situations where a death is announced prematurely on social media by people who are not closely connected to the deceased.

New information has an “owner”, in this case it was the OP and her husband as the new parents.   They “loan” out the information to others who should be asking, “Can I share this?” , or , “Is this to be kept private for a little while?”   It is wrong to assume you “own” someone else’s news announcement and can circumvent how and when they want that news to be distributed.  It won’t kill you to wait to say anything.   In fact, I relish in the secrecy that I am one of the few who knows the whole story.

Dear OP, the only thing I might have done differently was to wait until you reached Husband’s parents with the news before moving on to other people.   It’s a small courtesy considering that they were one of the very few who knew you were heading to the hospital but not a big faux pas to beat yourself about.

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