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Some Phrases Should Never Be Said… or How Shawn Simoes Missed An Opportunity To Be A Viral Hero (Updated)

This is a link to a recent happening in Toronto, Canada. An employee of a government owned utility company was fired either because a) he was in the wrong place at the wrong time and behaved in an idiotic fashion or b) he showed blatant disregard for a fellow human being and his behaviour was in direct violation of his company’s code of ethics. You decide after reading the article or my summary below!

For those who don’t want to read the entire article, the story went something like this: at a sporting event a female reporter was heckled by some hooligans using the ever more popular phrase: FHRITP. If you’re curious, please google it as I’m not sure the actual words are appropriate for this site! (Admin note:  I’ll spare you the effort…it means “F**k her right in the p**sy”. )   Following this, the offenders began laughing and eventually left. The agitated reporter began interviewing bystanders asking whether they thought it was appropriate and one of said bystanders was the man who was fired. He may have been drunk and he told her he thought it was hilarious and that he was laughing. She kept asking him questions including: “What would your mother say to this?”. The answer was something to the effect that she would also laugh and find it hilarious. At the end of the segment, he added that she was lucky there wasn’t a vibrator on the scene (referring to an old incident in which a male British reporter had a erm…blue vibrator pressed to his ear).

There’s no question that the phrase is derogatory and only funny to idiots but I’m curious about what everyone thinks of the firing. On the one hand, the man in question is a complete jerk but the fact remains that he didn’t start the whole thing, was off the clock and gave his opinion only when asked for it. I will reserve my opinion for the comments in an effort to keep this piece as unbiased as possible! 0513-15

 

The phrase came about last year when TV reporter John Cain was reporting on the case of a missing 20 year old woman and he thought his mic was not live.  Unfortunately for him he was not only caught on camera but live news broadcast saying that he would “f**k her right in the pussy”, referring to the missing young woman.   He was promptly fired from his job.   Subsequently an anonymous man named “Fred”, having seen the John Cain video clip, interrupted a live news report by a female reporter by jumping in front of her, grabbing the microphone from her hands and saying “FHRITP”.   It has since gone viral and the phrase now used to disrupt live news reporting which was what occurred in the Canada to form the basis of this submission .

I don’t see anything remotely humorous about this whatsoever.   John Cain deserved to be fired for what appears to be a grotesque reference to a missing young woman who may have been been assaulted or dead. It is a grave indecency to the woman and her family and shows an almost pathological disdain for the feelings of others in a time of crisis.   And a burning question I had after watching the John Cain comment was, “What kind of man thinks of sex with a woman who has become newsworthy because she has gone missing?”  I mean, shouldn’t there be other more important, pressing issues on the mind than sex?

And “Fred”should be outed by someone so that news media and police have him on their radar during future live news casts.   Because what Fred has started is a viral campaign against female reporters thus creating a hostile workplace for them. potentially limiting their exposure on the news, and demeaned their work by ruining the shot.   He thinks it’s all a big joke and apparently fired Shawn Simoes thought so, too.

Dear Mr. Simoes,  Just because someone asks your opinion does not mean you are obligated to actually give it.  Etiquette certainly provides us with a number of suitable ways to demur from answering questions that would be imprudent to respond to.   But respond you did and by doing so, you made a choice to validate behavior that any reasonable, civil person views as reprehensible and threatening.   There is no doubt as to where you stand on the issue and I do believe there should be consequences for the choices one makes because I would not want to interact with you as a representative of your previous employer knowing that you have such a profound disdain for women and a poor moral compass  in regards to what is considered humorous.

Stupid man, you had the opportunity right in your hand to become a viral hero to tens of thousands of women internationally. If only you had responded like this, “I think the phrase is disrespectful to women and indecent.   I’m sorry you were the recipient of that verbal insult, Ms. Hunt.”   But in a crowd of like-minded men, you went along with the pack mentality lest your man card get revoked and you became the unemployed poster child of insensitive, disrespectful, cretinous men worldwide.

 And this isn’t entirely about freedom of speech or the consequences of speech but more so about the disappearance of common decency and respect in the public arena.   Why would anyone think a sexually charged phrase is an acceptable joke?   Where is the sense of decency that restrains behavior and not bring shame upon oneself?  This is another of those “jokes” where if you do not play along with the viral “joke’, you are viewed as a spoil sport so the tables have been turned where the target of the “joke” is under greater social and peer pressure to tolerate indecency than those using the phrase.

 

Belly Buster

I have been reading your site for a couple of years now and I really enjoy it. I have learned so many great ways to handle awkward situations.

Quite a while ago, there was a post about people touching others without permission. One of the main points of discussion was how people seem to do this to pregnant women. Once you start showing, it’s like you are fair game for anyone who wants to touch your belly. I don’t know who started the idea that pregnant women enjoy this, but I hope that they get schooled on why that is not true.

I am pregnant with my third child. I experienced people touching or trying to touch me without permission during my first and second pregnancies and now that I am showing, it is happening again. This time however, it seems to be happening more frequently and it’s not just “little old ladies”, like it was before. I wanted to share two of the most recent encounters I had with “touchers” and get the Dame and the E-hellions opinions on how I handled them.

First encounter: I was out running errands and shopping. I had already told one person who asked to touch my belly no. They were ok with it. After that, I was thinking about how one of the commenters in the post I referred to earlier saying her sister started rubbing the bellies of people who would rub hers when she was pregnant. I thought how great an idea that was and that I would do that to next person who touched me, or tried to, to see how they would respond.

I had to go to Wal-Mart to pick up something I had ordered online. As I was standing in line at the pickup counter a woman, who appeared to be maybe in her early 40’s, walked up to me with her arms extended and I knew what she was going to do. When she stopped in front and just to the side of me and started reaching for my belly and asking how far along I was, I quickly raised and extended my arms and managed to rub her belly first. She gasped, stepped back and yelled, “What do you think you are doing?!”   I calmly replied, “You were going to touch my belly without asking, so I decided to see how you would like it if a complete stranger just started touching you”   She yelled, “No one has ever minded before!”,  and a few other things I couldn’t quite hear as she was stomping off. I thought,  “Good for her but I do mind and I don’t want to be touched.”

The second encounter happened just a few hours ago, as I was standing in the check-out line at the grocery store. I heard a child in the next line talking to someone who turned out to be his mother. It sounded like he was asking her something, but I couldn’t make out the words. I heard the mother say, “Sure honey, go ahead.” A split second later, a small boy appeared in front of me and started forcefully, painfully rubbing my belly. As I instinctively reached out to grasp his hands to stop him, I heard his mom telling another lady in line how little “Johnny” loved to feel babies kicking.

The instant she realized I had grasped his hands to make him stop she raced over saying, “What are you doing? Why are you holding his hands?”   I replied, “I don’t like strangers touching me without permission and your son was hurting me.”  She said, “He’s not a stranger, he’s a child! He was just trying to get the baby to kick! He’s not hurting you!”   I said,”He is a stranger to me and he was hurting me. You really should not encourage or give him permission to touch strangers, pregnant or not, as some people might accidentally hurt him if he just walks up and puts his hands on people.” She sneered at me and said,  “You think you are special because you’re pregnant? My husband is a police officer! I’m going to call him and tell him you threatened to hit our baby and he will have you arrested!”  Her son said, “Daddy’s not a policeman.”

Then, the woman in line behind me said,  “Maybe I should call my husband, County Sheriff  “Smith” and tell him that your son is assaulting a pregnant woman and you are threatening her. Then both of you can get arrested.”   She pulled out her cell phone and said, “Shall I?”  The woman and her kid went back to their line, fast, and the woman never said another word. Her son kept asking her why she said daddy was a policeman, but she never answered him.

I profusely thanked the sheriff’s wife. She said she was glad to help because she got tired of hearing parents threaten to call the police on someone because people would not let others’ children “run over them.”

I don’t think I was wrong to stop the child from touching me or the woman at Wal-Mart. What does the E-Hell community think?   0110-15

I don’t think I would have touched Woman #1 first. If one believes touching by strangers is a violation of personal space, why compound the problem by doing the very thing to someone else?   In other words, one loses credibility in regards to how offensive stranger touching is if you also engage in the same practice.   If bellies are off limits, they are off limits to everyone.  I much prefer the firm removal of the hand off my body accompanied with, “What do you think you are doing?”, in an appropriately indignant and stunned tone of voice.

 

Shaking Hands Would Be So Much Better Than A Strangling

As an avid reader of eHell, I’ve contributed short “me too!” stories in response to other’s tales, but never had an original post for you. Until this morning.

I was at the local coffee shop having a meeting – what about isn’t important. But I was concentrating on what another person at my table was saying and not on what was going on in the rest of the room. Suddenly, a pair of hands came from behind me and closed around my throat. I screamed like a banshee, whirled around and yelled, “Don’t EVER do that! I can’t stand having my throat touched!” (I’ve always had this; I think I must have been hanged for a horse thief in my last life…)

Everyone in the room stopped dead except the one who came out of the kitchen to see what was wrong and then went back in. The perp, one of the owners of the coffee shop, looked at me like I’d lost my mind, mumbled “sorry…” and went back to his table. The lady I was talking with actually started laughing, and when I told her I didn’t think it was funny, she said, “He didn’t mean anything, he was just being friendly,” while I sat there shaking in fright and rage. I finished jotting down the last of my notes, told the other ladies I needed to go home, and left. As I did, the perp called out something about being sorry and only kidding around, to which I muttered, “Yeah, right,” or something, and I came home and poured myself a glass of wine.

Perhaps I should have been more gracious about his apology. He had no way of knowing about my particular sensitivity. But Jeanne, this man is at least 60 and in addition to co-owning the coffee shop is a volunteer firefighter with EMT credentials. You’d think he’d know better than to put his hands around anyone’s throat. I’m still shaken, still angry, and still flabbergasted. What is WRONG with some people?10-14-11

Regardless of his intentions to be “friendly”, I believe most people would consider having a stranger place his hands around the throat from the rear to be a rather bizarre mode of greeting and certainly not a humorous one.     It definite presumes he knew you better than he did and that he made an error in judgment.   He’s fortunate it wasn’t me he did this to because my reaction may have been a swift elbow to his abdomen or groin.   He’s apologized, in a somewhat clumsy way, so I wouldn’t hold it against him forever and I bet he thinks twice before doing to anyone else.

If It Smells In Public, It’s Probably Rotten In Private

Let me relay what happened at a Confirmation I attended in the spring of 2013.

For those who do not know, a Confirmation is when someone (in this case, a 13 year old girl), acknowledges their beliefs in the Catholic Church. It consists of a ceremony at Church, followed by a lunch/dinner/party etc.

My fiancé and I (now husband) attended the Confirmation for a girl named “Jane”, whose parents and grandparents are family friends of my in-laws. To give a little background, Jane comes from a family where family members believe in incest – her grandparents were originally uncle and niece and decided to get married, and cousins marry each other etc. (This is important later).

Anyway, the ceremony at the Church was nice, and it was followed by a dinner and some dancing at a local banquet hall. After dinner, Jane’s uncle, who is a DJ, played some music, and everyone was pretty much having a good time. That is, until, another one of Jane’s uncle’s and her male cousin called her up to the dance floor.

A chair was placed in the middle, and she was forced to sit on the chair. All of a sudden, a song began to play, and Jane’s uncle and cousin proceeded to give her a lap dance and grind her, right on the dance floor and right in the middle of everyone! I looked around; a few people were as horrified as I was, but Jane’s family seemed to think it was very funny, and applauded and cheered and laughed. Her uncle and cousin took off their shirts, belts, and nearly exposed themselves to her (and everyone!) in the room. Did I mention that there were children and elderly people at this party? Being forced to watch this was bad enough, but the fact that they were all family made it even more creepy!

Poor Jane just had her eyes covered with her hands, and was asking her uncle and cousin to stop. She was clearly embarrassed, and I felt really bad for her. Mercifully, the song ended. Only Jane’s family cheered and laughed, while the rest of us were totally and utterly miffed by what had just happened. I looked around for Jane’s mom, who was nowhere to be found. People who were not family had to pick their jaws up off the floor, and try resume to whatever it was they were doing before the “show”.

A little later, Jane decided to entertain everyone with a song she wanted to sing. I cannot remember the name, but she sang it a capella, and everyone cheered for her, as it takes a lot of courage to do something like that in front of a crowd. When she finished, just as everyone was about to applaud, her cousin, who gave her a lap-dance and grinded her on the dance floor, shouted out: “Take off your dress,” to poor Jane. The room fell silent, except for Jane’s family, who laughed and cheered.

That was my first time attending a Confirmation. When I tell this story to people, they look just as horrified as I did when I witnessed it, and I can honestly say that that party was the most bizarre I have ever attended. 0328-14

This family’s behavior has nothing whatsoever to do with a Catholic Confirmation. The event is merely the stage upon which their collective lack of decency and kindness is displayed.

When you witness behavior of this nature, it means the consciences of the family has been seared and they no longer recognize what is unacceptable talk and behavior.   If their inhibitions are so low that this type of behavior towards a 13 year old female of the family is acted out in a public place amongst neighbors, friends, etc., imagine what happens in private.    I remember years ago watching a few episodes of the game show “The Price Is Right” and being appalled at Bob Barker, not once but twice, tell a winning audience member (women) to take off her clothes.   It came as no surprise then when Barker was sued by a former “Barker’s Beauties” and two production assistants for sexual harassment.    If something stinks in public, it’s doubly rotten in private.

If we were to witness a 13 year old girl getting slapped by her uncle and cousin, there would be no question what most of us would do to intervene. Yet when it involves sexual victimization of a 13 year old girl, most people freeze in confusion as to what to do as evidenced by the reaction of the guests to this.   This is a THIRTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL….it’s not a 19 year old Miley Cyrus getting twerked by Robin Thicke.   We freeze hoping a responsible adult (like Mom or Dad) will step in and stop it and the seconds tick by as the debacle continues.   Instead of jaws scraping the floor, why did guests not start booing the “dancers” to counter the cheering of the family?  I’ve turned my back in protest to overly sexualized wedding reception “games” between consenting adults but faced with the OP’s dilemma, would I have the presence of mind to think on my feet to find some clever resolution to this?

After ascertaining that neither the child’s father or mother was in the vicinity and knew what was happening, I would probably walk to the child in her chair with me in between her and the men, take her hand, tell her her mother wishes to see her and lead her away to my group of friends/family who would close ranks around her.   I can’t stop the men but I could intervene to remove her from the situation.  I’m old enough to handle pervy men and take the boos her relatives may vocalize.  And if they wanted to escalate, I can threaten to call the police and have the family explain why a 13 yar old child has been placed in this sexually harassing predicament.

 

Trolley Smacked

I have spent most of the past 10 years traversing public transit every single day. I’ve seen things that made me want to smack someone, but never have I ever actually been assaulted – until this week. The other day, I was coming home from work on the trolley (after having successfully navigated the bus). I was carrying my purse on my right arm, my (empty, soft, cloth lunch bag) on my left, and was gripping several flattened cardboard boxes that I had found in the office, as I am moving soon. I was making my way down the narrow trolley aisle after ringing for my stop, carefully trying to peek around my boxes and avoid feet and knees and heads leaning into the aisle, all while keeping my balance precariously. I was nearly to the front of the car when I felt a harsh smack on my back – I turned around to my left to find an enraged old man who shouted “You hit me with that thing! You hit me and you kept going! You could have said something!”

Truthfully, I did not feel a thing, and had I, I would have apologized, and I did in fact apologize to this man sincerely, although what I wish I had said was “What I did was an accident. What you did was aggravated assault. Which of us is rude here?” The entire trolley car was staring at him, and I notified the driver on my way off the car. What more could I have done? When did it become appropriate to react to an accident causing no injury by assaulting a young woman? And he did not merely tap me, he hit me quite hard. I am still in shock from this experience. 1024-13