Greed – Page 2 – Etiquette Hell

Baby Sprinkles

July 28, 2015July 28, 2015admin175 Comments

I found out about a new trend in Baby Showers from another blog (don’t worry they were laughing at the idea) called a “Baby Sprinkle”. I thought it was something “classy” moms said when the baby pees on them. I was wrong. It’s when 2nd, or 3rd (or 4th….10th) time mommies have little baby showers. Basically it’s a 2nd chance gift grab from moms who were happy with the first shower. I know the Ehellions would like to get their hands on this!

And they even have adorable little invites on Etsy! 0724-15

Update: I removed the image initially published with this post because the Etsy.com shop owner used an invitation that was for an actual, real event with real people named. There are dozens of “baby sprinkle” invitations available on Etsy as seen here.

“Give Me Gifts…And Dump Your Girlfriend, Too”

May 18, 2015admin139 Comments

I have a story that I was reminded of while going through your lovely archives!

In high school, some of my friends and I sat at a table with “Deanne”. None of us were that close with her, but she had lunch at that hour and eventually decided I was her close friend. I didn’t feel the same way, but was polite and friendly to her because high school is a rough place when you don’t have many friends, and it wasn’t as though I was mega popular myself!

Deanne met a male friend of mine, “Jason”, one day when he came and talked with me at lunch. Jason had a sweet and lovely girlfriend with whom I was also friends. Deanne, however, ignored this fact and decided she would openly and rather bluntly flirt with Jason at every opportunity, including in a class they shared together in the second semester. He would tell me various things Deanne would do and say, including glare at his girlfriend or make snide comments about her, touch his arm or chest, etc. Typical high school drama. I started trying to distance myself from Deanne, since I don’t like to be friends with people who don’t respect relationships.

Her birthday rolled around and, since she was a twin, she and her sister were having a shared party. Deanne, for her portion of invitees, invited two people that I knew of – me, and Jason. Not Jason’s girlfriend, which in itself was a bit inappropriate. I politely declined her invitation – which I am not proud of – by saying I had a family event. Again, I didn’t wish for her to keep thinking we were such close friends when in fact I disliked her, and the thought of watching her flirt with Jason all night while also being surrounded by strangers was not an appealing thought.

Jason, however, could not turn her down so easily. Deanne told us about the party early on, and kept at him all the way leading up to the party. The kicker and focal point of our tale came about a week before.

In class one day, he handed me a piece of paper Deanne had given him. On it in her handwriting was listed several items, such as “earrings”, “necklace with green stones (emerald)”, and “perfume”. Things a guy would usually buy for a sweetheart. At the bottom she had written, “Please circle the thing you would like to buy me and then give me back this paper”.

Firstly, Deanne had invited Jason but not his girlfriend, after making it very clear that she was interested in him. Secondly, she “suggested” gifts that, to me, seem inappropriate for an acquaintance of the opposite sex. Thirdly and most horrendously in my mind, she had expected him to buy her one of these gifts and inform her beforehand which gift she was going to receive. After that, I spoke to Deanne as little as possible, and Jason rarely ever came to talk to me at lunch since she would be around.

In case you were wondering, Jason told Deanne that he had lost the paper and gave her some leftover Halloween candy as a present. 0515-15

Add “Going To College” To The Growing List of Greedy Reasons To Host A Shower

August 5, 2014admin223 Comments

My husband and I have no kids, but love our nieces and nephews very much. We take them to the movies and try to spend time with all of them. This past September, my niece left for her first year of college in a neighboring state. In March, we gave her a generous cash birthday gift followed by another cash gift for an award she received. In June, we gave her a very big cash gift for her high school graduation. All told, this child received $750 from us in a 4 month period. In August, I received an email from her mother, my SIL, saying that she’d run out of time and had wanted to have a ‘shower’ for her daughter’s’ needs for her college dorm room. Since she’d run out of time, she asked myself and several other relatives if we wanted to purchase items from her (she’d already bought everything else my niece would need). I was so stunned at this shocking gift grab. After we’d been so incredibly generous, she thought it appropriate to tap us for more. What really blew my mind was that the two grandmothers agreed to do that and “bought” some items off of her. I suppose grandparents are a bit more tolerant for things like this but I wish they’d declined. Am I completely out of touch? Are we really now holding “showers” for kids going away to college after they’ve received cash gifts for graduation? 0804-14

This is a new one for Ehell but I’m sure opportunistic, greedy people with no sense of personal obligations will jump on it as a great idea to fund the new decor of a dorm room and it will become ubiquitous. I am with you….it’s a shocking admission by your sister-in-law that she and her husband lack the financial resources to properly outfit their daughter for college and must go begging amongst family. I would be ashamed to mooch off the family that way but obviously there are people in this world who differ in their opinions and have no problems looking to others to supplement their lifestyle choices. Can’t afford to provide for your child’s domicile while in college? Choose a more affordable college or live at home while attending a local college.

If Your Gimme Pig Warning Bells Are Ringing….

March 25, 2014March 25, 2014admin61 Comments

This is more of a story as this incident has already passed and once I realized what was really happening, I don’t need to ask whether this was impolite.

As it happens more and more, this took place on Facebook. An event was posted, not sent to every friend of theirs, though quite possibly, but it was sent to individual people including me for which I felt honored to be thought of by my two friends and former co-workers.

This event post was to be a surprise by one man, “Jim”, for his partner, “Mark” for his 30th birthday. There were 2 ways the invitees could help “celebrate” Mark’s birthday. One was to contribute to a picture book with artwork or pictures of homemade creations with accompanying notes to celebrate Mark that would be put together and given to Mark during his celebration. The second way was to contribute any amount of money to an art space for Mark as it was always his dream to have his own studio. I thought both ideas were sweet, even with the obvious hand sticking out for donations to this luxury for Mark, so I contributed to both. My monetary contribution was very small as that was all I could give but the artwork I submitted cost a lot more with time and energy. Again, I thought it was a nice cause to support and I looked forward to being there when Mark received these sweet, caring gifts.

About a month goes by and the date of the event got nearer. I looked up the Facebook page for this event to find out where I was supposed to be in a few days. There wasn’t a date or address. I looked again. Apparently, I hadn’t read close enough. The ‘celebration’ all 200+ guests were invited to was just those two things, giving money and/or giving art. The “ You are invited” and “Let’s help celebrate Mark’s birthday” had me completely fooled that I was going to actually attend a celebration, see my friends, and enjoy Mark’s happiness that all of it had been done for him. Nothing in the cleverly worded invitation indicated that “share in the celebration” meant “give us stuff, we’ll celebrate privately, then tell you about it later.” but that’s what happened.

Once I got the hint, I was pretty disappointed but chalked it up to my fault for not reading it closely enough and decided to let it go. But it didn’t stop there. 2 days before the birthday, Jim sends out a reminder to all 200+ invitees to contribute to the fund. Then again at 36 hours prior. Then again at 24, again at 12, 8, 6, etc. Finally around T minus 2 hours, Jim sends out a update that they “far exceeded their goal!” And “we’ll video Mark opening his picture book and gift of the studio fund and post it! Thank you!”

Mad but still holding on to the belief that maybe they just weren’t “party people” and the gifts were thoughtful, I was just going to forget about it and hopefully never fall for it again.

Mark’s birthday day, though, his Facebook page becomes filled with rave upon rave of the amazing restaurants they were hitting all day long, the rich and succulent dishes and gifts, and the PARTY THEY HELD IN THE PARK! The party I wasn’t invited to. The party I find out that most of the contributors were also not invited to. Just select people at a party I was now pretty convinced I helped pay for.

I’m horrified to be used that way. I never would have thought these two would do something like this but I was clearly wrong. And guess what? They never even posted the video they promised of Mark opening his gifts we also paid for.

I’m not sure if all of their doings were fueled by ignorance or by pure greed. I truly don’t know. It’s the first time, hopefully the last, I have ever come across this blatant gimme-grab and intentional invitation-shunning and I hope other people who read this don’t get blindsided like I did. 0325-14

Now you know to listen your internal gimme pig warning bells when they squeal to high heaven that a gimme pig is in range. You walked right into this despite recognizing “the obvious hand sticking out for donations to this luxury for Mark”. If it smells like a gimme pig, even a whiff, it is most likely a gimme pig.

This reminds me of the old story submitted many years ago by a co-worker who, along with her other co-workers, had been invited to a wedding shower for another co-worker. They had all been instructed to bring a potluck dish to the shower as well as a bottle of champagne and told where the bride was registered. Got that? Not one gift but three….the shower gift, a bottle of champagne and food. The worst part of this was when it was revealed at the shower that none of the shower invitees, all of them co-workers, were actually invited to the wedding but their bottles of champagne were to be used at the wedding reception. It was a classic example of how greedy gimme pigs really are quite obvious and they are not above using people to fund parties or gifts they themselves cannot afford.

Wine Soaked Guest

January 6, 2014admin179 Comments

My husband has a very good friend, J, whom he met in college. After graduating with their bachelors, J moved back to his home state (on the east coast, we are on the west coast in same state as the college). J’s cross country move was approximately 5 to 6 years ago. Since then, both J and my husband married and have homes.

Obviously it is rare to have a visit from J, so my husband is so excited anytime they get to see each other. This holiday, J and his wife and little girl came to our state for a visit (they stayed with relatives, coming to see us for dinner, etc as we are an hour from where they were staying). The first visit at my home was wonderful, I put out a nice display of snacks, drinks, and made lasagna. My husband was so delighted I hosted his good friend so generously.

One evening J and his wife had come over for an informal movie in our living room, once again I laid out snacks, as it was after dinner time. I forgot to take the soda out, so my husband, says, “We have water, this soda, that soda, iced tea, or juice.” J takes a soda. Wife hems and haws, then walks over to my husband at the fridge and spies my wine (this was a gift from my friend to me) and says, “Oooo, wine! I’ll take that!” Husband looks at me, but I was so shocked at a guest asking for something that I felt like I had to okay it, or I would be seen as a bad hostess. So my husband fetches the wine opener, she takes it from him and opens. Then pours herself a glass. .. that would be considered two glasses at a restaurant. Ok… That was rude. Nothing to be done though, I did allow a glass.

Movie is on, then she says, “Mmmm, this is good,” while walking towards the bathroom (and that is also the direction of the kitchen), “I’m totally having more of this!” Swoops past bathroom, opens fridge again and pours another gigantic glass. At this point I pinched my husband hard, as he looked at J’s wife in shock at her blatant rudeness. Hubby says, “Wow, you should stick to water now or you might not remember the movie. ”

Well, he tried. I was at a loss because J is hubby’s very good friend and I’m afraid of offending him. ..shouldn’t he have noticed his wife mooching?
Movie is 2/3 way through, and J’s wife gets up, which I think is to pet my cat who is sitting in the kitchen. She does pet the cat for a while, but then opens the fridge, pours THE REMAINING WINE into her glass. I say, “Is that all gone? Are you serious?? That’s.. just.. crazy…” I don’t get to finish because she hugs me and exclaims, “I love you! You are so pretty, and nice. And you work so hard.” Ugh, now this girl is giddy drunk off my wine. I knew I was ready to rip her a new belly button so I said I have a very early client, thank you for coming, I’m going to bed, hubby will be here.

The next day, my husband felt very bad. He said he was in shock at her behavior and didn’t know why J didn’t handle her, like he has in the past (so apparently this is not an isolated incident of taking advantage). He said he didn’t want to ruin their trip, that he never sees J, and that the wife won’t be visiting again this trip. I know it is only a bottle of wine, but how rude is that! I would never impose such a thing onto a host, and then to help oneself to an entire bottle of wine! Once again, it’s just… crazy! Did I make a mistake even allowing her a glass? I never would have dreamed she would help herself after that, or I never would have approved in the first place. My husband’s only idea as to why she thought this was okay was that in college, J and he would help themselves to each other’s fridges. Yeah, in a bachelor pad over 5 years ago. Is that a valid excuse? I personally don’t think so. What could I have said that would have been a polite way to have handled the situation? I.e. What does a polite spined person do here? 0104-14

Js wife was inexcusably rude and presumptuous to first decline the offered choices in beverages, to ask for wine and then to be a pig about drinking all of it. Had I been in your shoes, I would have told her the truth, “This bottle was a gift from a friend and it is being saved for a special occasion. Would you like a Pepsi instead?”

It is not the host’s obligation to cater to every whim and desire of guests. Your hospitality was flawless and generous but unfortunately you came head to head with a greedy, inconsiderate, selfish guest who could not take the hints being given by her hosts that her behavior was a tad over the top. Now you know to hide the good stuff whenever they come again.