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Please Fund The Consequences of My Stupid Actions

A silly, foolish Arizona teenager named Nicole Yunker jumps from the roof of her home, hoping to land in the pool, and hits the concrete deck instead breaking both her feet. Her equally silly and foolish mother, Carol Yunker, videotaped it, posted it to Youtube and then created a gofundme.com web page soliciting money. She had hoped to collect $4,200.00 to cover daughter Nicole’s loss of income from not being able to work.

Read more of the story and watch the video HERE.

The web site was taken down after numerous complaints were made.

Flushing Away Those Little Etiquette Dilemmas

Today was just horribly weird. It involves me, my co-worker “S” and another girl “M”. lately my co-worker “S” and I have been noticing that there seems to be an appalling lack of bathroom etiquette lately; specifically, our co-worker “M” has recently started having ten minute conversations on her cell phone IN THE STALL.

We normally ignore her and quietly go about our business, but today was a BAD DAY for me. I rushed in the bathroom during a break in a long meeting and threw myself into a stall, and froze like a deer in the headlights when I suddenly heard her phone ring. She answered it. She started jabbering away, while I desperately tried to be…erm… ladylike. I was dying. I didn’t want to “disturb her conversation” but for all that is holy why on earth are people talking on their cell phones in the bathroom? Do you know where you are?! How are you not embarrassed about sitting on a toilet talking in the bathroom to your friend/husband/vendor? Really? Does he think that strange echo is feedback? Is the flushing sounds your new ringtone? WHAT IS YOUR DAMAGE!

*deep breath.

As I am sitting there, trying to convince my colon that it wasn’t being punked by Asthon Kutcher and that the bad lady wouldn’t notice a thing (because she is talking too loud and is too self absorbed) my friend “S” comes in the restroom. She suddenly exclaims, “OP, are you still in here? The break is over and they are waiting for you.”  I felt the blood drain from my face, and stammered something incoherent. At this point, “M” starts talking again to the person on the phone louder because apparently “S” is making too much noise. “S” laughed when she realized why I was frozen to the seat and then walked into the stall next to me and starts flushing the toilet over and over again. This finally had an effect on “M”, who suddenly goes, “Sorry it got loud in here, let me call you back”.  She then proceeds to burst out of the bathroom stall and fled the bathroom. “S” cracks up and then tells me, “I will tell them you will be a few more minutes,” and leaves the bathroom. I sat there stunned for a minute, and then was finally able to get back to the meeting.

All through the meeting I couldn’t look at “S” in the face. We were somewhat hysterical all day, and avoided each other until our shift was over. As I was walking out to my car “M” approaches me in the parking lot and goes, “I just think you should know, your friend “S” is the rudest woman I have ever met,” and she flounced off to her car.

Maybe. Or maybe she is a Genius.    0826-11

Mugged

I have a coworker who recently showed me that she has no respect for the people she works with in the slightest.

The other day I was in search of my coffee mug. It was a gift from a friend, and a very large mug- I usually used it in lieu of a bowl for soup and oatmeal at work. I looked everywhere. I couldn’t find it. I asked around, no one had seen it.

However, I had an idea where it might have gone. One co-worker, Marie, at one point had put a sign up in the break room that any Tupperware or mugs left in the sink would be thrown away. Now, it should be noted that Marie is not a manager, or even anyone’s supervisor. She’s on the way low end of the totem pole, and had no authority or permission to do this. In fact, someone took down the sign, just a couple days later.

I asked my friend Jane if she’d seen my mug. “I think I saw it in the sink.. but you know, I saw Marie throwing away a few people’s mugs last week (not mine). I told her she couldn’t do that, and she just said,’Sure I can,’ and tossed them in the trash.”

Well I had certainly left my mug in the sink.. I’d forgotten about it, as I don’t go into the break room often. To be clear, these “dirty” mugs aren’t causing any one any issues (unless your insane), its not a huge epidemic, there aren’t 20 mugs/Tupperware bowls in the sink.. and they don’t smell. Usually people have their coffee, fill the mug with water and leave it in the sink and forget about it for a day or two. That’s what happened here. Usually if the mugs got left there for more than a day, someone would politely ask the owner to finish rinsing their mug, which would happen right away. No one is being a slob on purpose in this office, I’m happy to say.

So, to be sure, I asked the cleaning staff if she’d seen my mug in the trash.. she said yes, but figured it was there for a reason so she didn’t take it out. (Why would she? Digging through the trash isn’t her job, taking it out is. That’s totally understandable.)

So, Marie threw my mug away. I was livid. She felt that because a mug was sitting in the sink, presumably annoying her any time she walked into the room, she decided that she didn’t care if it was my property (and she KNEW it was mine, everyone did. I walked around with it all the time and it was very distinctive) and decided she had the right to toss it in the trash. What made me even more angry was that she’d lied to me when I’d asked her if she’d seen it.

So I thought I’d confront her about it. I walked up and, very politely, asked her if she’d thrown away my mug. She looked up at me with a smug expression and just said, “No.” then went back to not-working.

Now I was even more angry. If you’re going to do something like that, at least live up to it. But no, she has so little respect for me, that she sees no problem throwing away my possessions, and lying to my face about it. A mug is replaceable.. the real reason I was angry was the utter lack of respect she shows to everyone around her. I’ll admit, it was tempting to take her mug off her desk and throw it in the trash, but then I’d be just as bad as she is.

Despite the fact that I had no proof, I told my boss about it anyway. He was upset, but now it’s a moot point. That same day she told her supervisor she was quitting in two months. Also, a week later, I heard someone else lamenting their missing coffee mug.

It gets worse though. This week, since she’s leaving, she handed my co-worker Jane a stack of papers and told her their supervisor had said Jane had to do all of Marie’s work for the next two months, so she’d know how to do it once Marie was gone. But Marie would not be taking any of Jane’s job duties, like answering the phones, while Jane did this.

Jane checked with the supervisor, who confirmed her suspicions that Marie was exaggerating (Marie was only supposed to teach her the things she didn’t already know, which wasn’t much, and watch her as she did them..) and when Jane and the supervisor confronted Marie (politely and calmly) she launched into a huge fit that required getting our Director involved. He sided with Jane, and now Marie does nothing but sulk and say hateful things to Jane all day long, or at least in a hateful tone.

I feel bad that Jane has to sit right next to her, and I can’t wait for her to leave. She makes the whole office environment terrible to be in! 0609-11

Something causes me to wonder if there is a completely different side of this story.   It’s normal office culture to leave dirty coffee mugs in the break room kitchen sink?  The initial mental image I had was of a prime invitation to every insect and rodent pest and a bunch of lazy coffee/tea drinkers who couldn’t be bothered to take a few seconds to wash their mugs after using them thus leaving the chore to one of their co-workers with a slightly more refined sense of cleanliness.  (Here on Ehell, we typically to refer to behavior that expects others to do your job as “entitled”.)

Second, it is no one else’s responsibility to care for our precious possessions.   Valuable belongings, whether the value be monetary or sentimental, should be cared for by their owner with no expectation that others will perceive it as being something other than the common household item it is.    If it’s important to you, you take measures to make sure it is securely cared for.  In this case, the mug cleaned, dried and put away in a cabinet or taken back to your own office/desk for safekeeping.   My husband and I drilled into our kids from a young age that if something of theirs was particularly precious, it was their duty to care for it.   Toys thrown on the floor, left outside to get rained on and left in common areas to eventually succumb to being damaged, lost or used by other kids was solely their responsibility.  Did you really love that Tonka truck if you left it to rust for days on end by the wood pile?  Can you really say your dolls or model horses were irreplaceable if you left them on the stairway to be kicked around?  (Addendum:  And sometimes in the process of housecleaning, Mom or Dad threw away apparently discarded, abandoned items left for someone to trip over and ignored the whines of how allegedly dear it was to its owner.  End result are adult children who treat their possessions well.)

So, let’s be real, OP.  You didn’t love your mug.  You treated it like a common mug like everyone else’s and left it dirty, apparently repeatedly, in the break room sink.   Your value of it did not extend to keeping it clean and secure in your possession.   For all I know, Maria got tired of the general filth and poor hygiene her co-workers seemed to think was normal and started trashing the cockroach bait lurking in the sink that her fellow co-workers were contributing on a daily basis.  And since Maria’s motivation regarding the disposal of the dirty mugs is in question, the other areas of her behavior raised come into doubt as well.

Why, Yes, He Is A Creeper. And No, You Do Not Have To Be Polite To Him

I know already that this is a story that will get readers amped up.   Proceed with caution.

I am not entirely sure what etiquette this would fall under, but you could say this falls under “how and when to approach strangers”. This occurred yesterday afternoon, and I’m still confused about the whole thing.

I normally play D&D on Saturday, however I wasn’t particularly in the mood for it this time but I also felt I should stay out of the flat for a good while so as not to distract my boyfriend while he was working on his dissertation. I thought of a few things I would do to occupy me for at least three hours but preferably more, then headed to Sainsbury’s to grab a drink and biscuits before heading to the park to read for a while. I find an empty bench and begin to read.

Within a minute a man sits down at the other end of the bench. Nothing suspicious so far, then another gentleman approaches and asks the first man for the time. Still fine, but after that interaction in the corner of my eye I thought I could see the first man watching me. I thought I was being ridiculous and I know I tend to be a bit on the paranoid side, I still cannot be certain on this point but I do feel it is more than probable considering the rest of what happens.

For reference, I am Australian and in my early twenties, while he is from Pakistan and perhaps a few years older than I, and this takes place in London. Also, while his English was fairly good, he did have a bit of an accent and, even though I am young, I have hearing difficulties and I do have a bit of trouble with speech sometimes. Although I’m not a very social person to begin with, those issues do make me feel less inclined to talk to people. Especially in instances where there will be communication problems and I’ll have to try and explain why I have hearing issues, it’s unbelievable how many people simply refuse to believe that a young person can be hard of hearing. But that’s a story for another time, I’m terrible with tangents. Point is, I am somewhat socially awkward so I wasn’t sure how to handle this scenario. Onto the story.

After maybe five minutes this man starts to talk to me, initially it all seems normal as he asks fairly ordinary questions such as my name, where I am from, what Australia is like, why I moved here and so forth.

Stop right here.  It’s none of any stranger’s business to know your name or the reasons why you moved.  One should have an internal “line in the sand” that absolutely no stranger may step over (particularly male strangers that appear to be hitting on you) and when that step is taken, you put on your “chilly coat” and remove yourself from their presence.

Throughout the entire conversation I have to keep saying things to the effect of, “Sorry, but could you repeat that?”. He then tells me that I have beautiful eyes and I thank him for the compliment, then he says it again, says they are quite deep and so forth. I awkwardly thank him again as I really do not know how to respond to praise, but then he makes what I think was an awkward joke about “give me your eyes!”. I respond with an awkward line of, “Uhhh sorry but I don’t think they detach”, and leave it there. (At this point I wasn’t creeped out, as it came across as a joke and because I’ve said similar to my boyfriend, but I do think it’s something best not said to a stranger who has not idea what you are like.)

You inadvertently engaged in returning his flirting.   Any answer at all to such flirting is seen by many men as an invitation to keep the conversation going further.

Then he started to ask personal questions. He had already asked me about why I moved here and, trying to be polite. (I had no idea how to politely say I didn’t really want to talk about things.)

Once that internal line in the sand has been crossed, simply stand up from your bench and walk away.  You owe him no explanations, no courtesy good byes or one iota more of your attention.

I answered that I moved here because my boyfriend lives here. There had been more questions along these lines, and then he states that he hopes I do not marry him. Then he starts the topic on sex. Again I ask if he can repeat that, as although I actually heard him I wasn’t sure if that was right. He wants to know if I’ve done it, states his disbelief when I state, no, I haven’t and I’m waiting until marriage. He wants to know more detail about sex, repeats at various times “please help me” and continues to pressure me into talking about it. I continue to say that I am not comfortable with talking about sex with anyone, he continues with the please help him line for a bit and then relents and asks me about romance instead. He wants to know what romance is and if I can tell him about it. I state that I don’t really know, that I’m not sure how to describe it etc. He then starts to say, “But you’re a girl, you should know about these things!”. He continues his line of questions and comments, and I’m wondering if when he says ‘romance’ if he is actually disguising it to mean sex.

I got stuck in a similar situation at age 14.  One of my more naive daughters got similarly stuck at the same age…she simply had no clue that the conversation was heading in the direction it was and the deeper she got into it, the more she realized she had no idea how to get out of it.      I think older men know that the younger the female, the less likely she is to know how to respond so they push the limits.

He then asks if I will allow him to “teach me about romance”. I’m not sure what on earth he means, so I kind of stupidly blurt out what do you mean teach me, teach me how etc. He just says give him five minutes to teach me and keeps at that, then asks if he can sit next to me. (He was still at the end of the bench during all this.) I say no, I’d rather he didn’t. After a bit of my saying “no”, he asks why I keep saying that and seems to be getting bothered by it and tells me that I should stop doing that. He continues to asks if he can teach me and if he can move, while in my head I am freaking out about what to do. Do I continue trying to be polite and hope this guy gets the message, do I ignore him and read or do I get up and go? For a long while I latched onto the ridiculous option of staying there and hope he leaves, as my mind just went blank as to how to handle it. Near the end of his ‘let me teach you’ bit I did start to tell him that I’d rather just read, but after a few tries it finally sank in that it just wasn’t going to happen. Again he asked if he could sit next to me, and finally I said I’m sorry but I have to go and got up and walked away. He said something as I got up to the effect of “Okay I won’t move”.

I was going to head to the nearby Westfield’s, but then decided I’d cancel my plans and head straight home. I felt bad about that but at least my boyfriend understood. As I was a minute or so away from that bench I looked back and noticed the guy was already up and walking away, so I guess his entire purpose of being there was to bother me?

I’m still not sure what on earth was going on. Was there cultural differences, was he just a creep or was he really oblivious to how his behaviour came off?

All in all, I wish I were a stronger person. Or at the very least that my brain would kick in faster. 0905-10

Too many people believe that being well mannered equates to being a complete and total pushover.   Nope, it’s quite acceptable to give a frigid, arctic cold shoulder to boorish, creepy, vulgar, greedy people.   Looks of disdain, terse good byes are quite acceptable, too.   A good, hard slap to the face of a creepy guy won’t land you in Ehell either.

Pedicure Pest

I’ve just remembered a story about one of my old co-workers I wanted to disgust you with.

I used to work in a large department of about 14 people, processing payroll. We often suffered from paper cuts, loose/painful cuticles, broken nails, splinters,  etc. so I kept tweezers and nail clippers in my drawer just in case.

One day my coworker asked me to borrow the nail clippers. As I was stepping away from my desk I just said ‘sure, they’re in the top drawer’ and began to walk away. What she did next horrified me. She plonked herself in my chair and took the clippers out of the drawer. She then kicked off her shoes, plonked her feet on my desk, and began cutting, cleaning and filing her toenails. When she was done I told her to keep the clippers and cleaned my entire desk with industrial-strength disinfectant. How gross can you get?  0528-10

I had clear mental images of a scene from “Star Trek Enterprise” where Dr. Phlox is cutting his lengthy toe nails using a small cutting saw.  If I could have found a Youtube video of the scene, I would have posted it.

In situations like this, it is perfectly acceptable to express dismay while the activity is in progress.    Stop all movement and looking at the cow-irker with a slack jaw and wide eyes say, “What are you doing?  Kindly do that on your desk.”