How To Get Kids To Listen

by admin on November 20, 2017


It’s Wedding Wednesday…one day late.

A year ago (it has taken me that much time to compose myself) I was informed that my then boyfriend’s step brother was getting married to a girl who he had been living with for a year.

She was perfectly lovely but knowing the mother of the groom (gimme pig) we had some reservations. The two “congratulations” dinners were lovely (pay for yourself and bring a gift for each one) and the engagement party (paid for by the bride’s parents, bring gifts) was lovely, (I and my boyfriend’s sister were not invited to the
bachelorette party despite 25 other people attending but were were expected to send a gift) and we all expected to receive our invites for the wedding.

Lo and behold, it was now going to be a ‘destination’ wedding. Well, alright. The bride indicated there would be a modest party when they got back and no presents. This “destination wedding” location was changed to 45 minutes away at a very exclusive venue with lush gardens and so on. Full traditional wedding took place including bridesmaids in expensive outfits, and fully catered event etc…only no guests other than the bridal party. Only the parents, blood siblings and best friends were invited. The bride sent out postal notices that they were to be married and a Facebook page and many many notices about this on her own page which mentioned that the couple would “love it if you would share in our special day by remembering it with a gift”, however no registry as they only wanted cash. The “modest” party was then changed to a “bridal reception” with invitations requesting another gift: cash, despite the fact that it was a month in between nuptials and the “reception”. We were told in confidence by the groom’s mother that the “reception” was to help pay for the cost of the honeymoon! The groom literally threw a hissy fit because he was worried about only being able to afford a week away at his international destination of choice and not the several weeks he wished to go for.

The reception night arrives and it is held in the local hall. There are six trays of finger food all total and a cash bar.The music is loud and we literally had to shout to be heard- even up the back because the bride and groom wanted a dance party atmosphere. It is stand up (there were 10 stools the older relatives were escorted too) and a lot of the people (over 150) attending said to us and to the other guests they were surprised that they were invited but went because they felt like the couple must have really valued them. It is packed like sardines.

The wedding “wishing well” was incredibly prominent and we then had a slideshow of the actual wedding “for all those who were not invited”. The bride’s best friend and close relatives who HAD been to the ceremony gave speeches as if they were AT the real ceremony whilst all pointing out the people that had been invited, repeatedly.

The groom’s mother made many announcements about how kind and generous we should be to young couples making their way in the world etc, despite the parents and the couple being much better off financially than most people in the room.

The bride and groom did not ingratiate themselves well with their guests. The bride (in full wedding regalia along with the bridal party) danced with her friends in a corner and literally barely acknowledged anyone else. The groom was hanging over a rail outside for several hours as his friends poured alcohol into his mouth and was so drunk he
forgot who we were when we tried to congratulate him at the end of the evening.

The groom’s mother still was not happy, I never got a thank-you note for my cash donation and they did get an extra week of honeymoon paid for, but not the two weeks they were hoping for.

I felt like I did my part. I showed up with the cash, looked good, make polite chit chat and left.

Thank you for letting me get it out of my system! 1116-13

Someone should conduct a sociological study as to why people voluntarily attend a wedding function in which it is obvious that they are being duped into parting with their hard-earned cash. It’s as if it’s a con game that people get naively sucked into only to realize afterwards that they were the victims of a con artist.


Just Say “No, Thank You”

by admin on November 13, 2017

I’m writing mostly for help. I have a horrible track record of ending up in ehell where showers are concerned and I’m worried I’ll end up with yet another one. I’m hoping maybe you can help me protect myself. I may be worrying over nothing however. I’m pregnant with my second child. I’m mostly afraid a friend of mine will decide to throw me a shower and I’ll be unable to get out of it. She had a Gender Reveal/Sprinkle for her own second child. And if she offers I’m not sure how to decline without telling her I believe showers for 2nd children in most cases are tacky. But I can’t tell her that since she had a shower for her 2nd child in a manner I found extra tacky, and it would be rude to let on I felt that way.

If it helps here’s my past shower offenses. Please feel free to edit as needed or even leave out entirely. For our Wedding, my husband and I had to move the date up by about 6 months suddenly because of the economy. As such I had about 2 months to plan/replan the wedding. I chopped my guest list and switched to the chapel at our church (instead of the larger sanctuary), so that I could get a room at a nice restaurant for the reception instead of trying to find a caterer and a hall. Well, our church women’s group always held showers for brides and 1st time mothers-to-be. When the lady in charge of Women’s ministries contacted me about the shower I told her I wasn’t going to have one since I didn’t have the time and could not invite the whole church like most of the couple from the church did when they got married. (This is generally an insert in the bulletin saying anyone in the church is welcome to attend the wedding at date and time, not full formal invitations to each member.) Well she insisted they had to have a shower for me since it’ll cause problems in the church if they start having them for some people and not others. Well, I didn’t feel right about causing problems for her by refusing so I let her have it. So the big faux pas was having a shower where the vast majority of the guests were not invited to the wedding.

For my first baby I had two showers, which is a bit tacky in and of itself, but the only overlap of people was myself, my mom, and my sister-in-law, so not too awful. The first one was a family/friends shower. My aunt, and cousin planned it with some help from my mom. I know family is not supposed to plan showers, but they didn’t ask me if they could. They called me up one day with a theme picked out, decorations already bought, and some progress on the games and food to pin down a date that worked for me. This was the first I’d heard of it. My aunt and cousin are both pretty strapped for money and I didn’t know how to tell them that it was rude for them to host the shower and all their work and money spent was for nothing, so I went along with it. Doubly so because this aunt was a huge help while I was crash planning the wedding. She called and set up appointments for me with florists, restaurants, and cake places while I was at work. (She was basically housebound on disability at the time) They are both people who just love to do for others and are not generally people I would consider presumptuous or controlling. I certainly didn’t feel any need to nip anything in the bud. 3 years later, I can say I was right about that.

The church shower, they asked my parents small group to plan for me. So the only real faux pas was my mother was again in the thick of the planning. Again it was half planned before anyone said anything to me about it. I’d say it was less of a faux pas in this case since as I stated before the church had showers for ALL first time moms anyway.

The church isn’t a concern this time around since A. they only do stuff for first time moms and B. We no longer go there. Our current church doesn’t do anything for moms, there are much too many of them. My family/friends shower was rather early (the Saturday before Thanksgiving) because I was due February 5th, but at high risk for pre-term labor and my aunt wanted it before her surgery scheduled on the Saturday after Thanksgiving. Also we wanted to avoid Christmas craziness. None of my friends offered to or hinted they were planning a shower last time, but with the early shower I’m afraid they just got beat to the punch. Hopefully, I’m worried over nothing. But I really don’t want to get caught unprepared again. 1127-13

It is possible to get out of attending a baby shower in your honor without explaining to anyone that you consider second and more showers to be an etiquette faux.  When asked for a date that would be convenient for you be in attendance at a shower, sigh and say, “It looks like my calendar is full .”    That won’t prevent a surprise shower and to be honest, you shouldn’t expect one.   But if it happens, be gracious.  A good friend surprised me with a baby shower for my second child. I had no idea and was totally caught off guard when I opened the door to her home and met a dozen women yelling “Surprise!”  You go with the flow and behave kindly.


Feel Good Friday

by admin on November 10, 2017


And You Thought Your Momster-In-Law Was Bad

by admin on November 9, 2017

So fiance’s parents finally accepted that I was not pregnant, and as soon as his mom realized this…well she wasn’t okay with her baby boy getting married anymore. So she worked on him and he’s no longer my fiance…or boyfriend…or anything really.

Funnily while insisting that I was not with child, I got with child. I skimmed over the antibiotics label and completely missed the ‘messes with birth control’ thing. My bad…I’m about 8 weeks now.

Anyways, after I found out I texted my ex and told him and that I wanted us to talk about things and please don’t say anything yet because I want to figure out what I want before including parents. So of course, being a momma’s boy he goes and tells her and now she wants us together and getting married again. I said, no, that I’m not dating anyone who is so co-dependent on their mother ever again.

So now everything is a big mess and they try to include me and actually pay attention to my dietary needs now that it could hurt her baaaby. (She says it really long “MY BAAABY”.) They tried to call dibs on me for Thanksgiving and Christmas for the next twenty years and his mom keeps coming over to my new apartment unannounced and wants to be in the delivery room, and, oh, by the way, don’t I know breastfeeding is tacky! Besides if I bottle feed, she can give me all of motherhood off.

Now I’m an introvert and don’t talk much in social settings but when she came to the family meeting I called (didn’t want my parents finding out from someone else) and she was going on and on about HER child, I flipped out. I might’ve crossed the line a bit, but seriously!? This is the woman who tells stories of my ex getting drunk at age 8 because she didn’t put her glass out of reach or her younger kid playing in the litter box like they are funny!

In short…my life is a bad TV sitcom now. 0914-14

Please tell me you didn’t tell this woman where you are having the baby or announced the beginning of labor on social media and she just showed up at the birthing center.


I am one of 5 bridesmaids, DH is one of 5 groomsmen and our son is the ring bearer for a very posh type $100,000 wedding…There is no MOH or Best Man.

All the bridesmaids got together and planned what we thought was going to be a fun shower type event (the bride wants 3 showers). Ours, the bride wanted to be fun and for the younger crowd of wedding guests.

One of the bridesmaids slipped and let out some of the details…only for the bride to break out in hysterics screaming and crying almost to the point of hyperventilating, saying that it wasn’t what she wanted and that none of her bridesmaids knew her as well as she thought and we were all clueless and our ideas were completely TACKY! The groom then chimed in saying that having a co-ed shower (which was being done to honor him as well) was ridiculous, because most of the people would be couples, and couples won’t give two separate gifts! He then went on and on about how the showers were to be a money maker and to lavish them with gifts.

This went on to the point that both myself and another bridesmaid AND the bride’s mother were in tears…

The Zillas went on to say how they were stressed because of the cost of their wedding and the bridal party should be saving money on the shower to put towards a large check to help pay for “the main event”.

I am beyond mad with this whole event. We have since changed the venue and guest list as well as theme, food, favours and everything else in between…only to get an email last night saying that we need to change it all over again because this isn’t what they want either!!! 0312-09

It is quite possible and even acceptable to “fire” oneself from being a wedding attendant.  “I’m so sorry but we can no longer continue in our roles as groomsman/bridesmaid due to unforeseen circumstances.  We wish you all the best for the future and your marriage.”   No need to explain what, exactly, the unforeseen circumstances are.

There is no point in trying to please the ungrateful, greedy people of this world.


Etiquette Amnesia

November 6, 2017

I am usually not too demanding about how other people live their lives. I don’t even mind if people forget to thank me, or if they thank me with an e-mail or a quick note about something else, but I have noticed lately that there is an absence of etiquette among the young people of […]

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Feel Good Friday Neighbors

November 3, 2017

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