This is a tale to warn against gossip and also the importance of bringing up delicate subjects at an appropriate time.

My Grandmother was one of five children. Each sibling had two children, with a total of 10 cousins. My mother was fairly close with most of her cousins growing up, as a majority lived nearby. As the years have gone by everyone has moved away and now my grandmother and all of her siblings have passed on. It is very rare that we see or hear from these cousins for no reason other than just life has moved everyone onto different seasons in their life.

One such cousin is very interested in genealogy. He has spent years tracing our family back (he’s gotten as far back as the 1400’s at this point!). He is registered on a prominent genealogical web site and has our entire family tree listed there. I find it all fascinating and appreciate his efforts!

He was contacted recently by someone on this site, looking for her parents. She had been given up for adoption in the early 70’s and because it was a private adoption, never knew the identity of her parents. She did a DNA test provided by this site and they linked her as a direct descendant of one of the 10 cousins on the family tree.

This cousin contacted my mother to hear her thoughts about it. The child was adopted in a city that only 2 cousins ever resided in, which is several hours away from any place the other cousins lived. It is safe to narrow down the potential parents to one of these two cousins (who are siblings). The female cousin was in her late 20’s and married at the time the adoption took place, and she went on to have other children shortly after, so odds are it isn’t her. The other sibling is male and would have been 16 at the time. Odds are he is the father and, considering the time in which this took place along with the VERY conservative locale, I imagine the girl was sent off somewhere and it’s possible he never even knew she was pregnant.

The cousin and my mother felt they had solved the mystery pretty solidly, as they recalled what the other cousins were doing and where they were during this time. Most were female and since they all saw each other on a regular basis a pregnancy or large absence would have definitely been noticed.

They debated about what to do. They understood it was possible that he DID know about the child and chose not to be involved. However, if he had no knowledge would he want to know? How would his wife and children handle the news? They finally decided that ethically he had a responsibility to tell his cousin that this person had contacted him and to leave the decision in his hands how he wanted to proceed.

He sent him an email and forwarded the emails he had received. He never received a response. Not wanting to press things, he left it at that.

Fast forward 6 months later and these two siblings’ mother passed away (the last remaining). All of the cousins would be attending the funeral. On the way to the funeral my aunt, who is not blood related), asks my mom if she plans to talk to her cousin about the situation. My mother had shared with her the situation when it had come up 6 months earlier. My mother replied absolutely not! His mother’s funeral is not the appropriate place to discuss this matter.

Later on at the funeral my aunt brought up the topic to said cousin. My mother stood there with her mouth agape, embarrassed to have ever shared this detail with her. The cousin blew it off, acting like he didn’t really know what she was talking about. I’m sure he was mortified.

We still don’t know the result of that situation. 0215-18


Feel Good St. Patrick’s Day

by admin on March 16, 2018

And just try not to sing along to the chorus of this iconic Irish Rovers tune!


The Half Price Guest

by admin on March 15, 2018

I belong to a women’s hiking group and we like to travel to fun destinations to hike. There are about 12-15 of us who go on these trips. Everyone gets along very well and we’ve never had any drama or issues. Until this year. We had two ladies drop for different reasons and had 2 spaces open. One of the ladies was offering her spot at half price. The group organizer, we’ll call her Ann, invited an acquaintance of ours we’ll call Betty. I know Betty from other women’s groups and see her about 3 times a week. Betty is ‘different’ and can be brash at times. Ann knows her through me and we all hike together in town with a different group.

For this trip another friend, Cathy, and I had our own room to share in the house at the destination with our own beds. Since Betty only knew Ann and me she asked me if I would switch rooms so she didn’t have to room with someone she didn’t know. I spoke with Cathy and she OKd switching rooms. The 3 of us ended up in the master with a king bed and a double futon. Cathy and I ended up sharing the king instead of having our own beds, which wasn’t a big deal.

The first morning Betty is up very early blow drying her hair with the bathroom door wide open waking Cathy & me up. We were going hiking all day that day so there really was no reason for hair and make up.

That night when we were trying to sleep Betty is talking loudly in our room on her phone. She also would answer her phone at the dinner table and proceed to carry on a loud conversation as we’re all trying to enjoy the meal and table conversation. She never excused herself, just sat there loudly yakking away. She really had no etiquette in that regard.

Betty brought up politics and religion out of the blue with one of the gals, Susie, who is a legal immigrant from another country. Susie told her several times she didn’t want to discuss it. Betty was telling Susie that Susie’s religion doesn’t believe in the true God and they don’t know the truth. That Susie’s religion breeds terrorism and there is only one true God. Betty was also touting the merits of the current US president and her own political party. They were in the back seat of a mini van with 5 other people in the van listening to this. Susie was very upset as Betty would not stop after being asked to do so several times. You could have heard a pin drop in the van. It was very awkward.

Betty also got very angry when we were rafting as she kept hitting one of the girls in the head as she wasn’t using her oar properly. She was very nicely asked to please watch her oar. Betty snapped she was doing it just fine and the other girl (who had rafted many times before and Betty never had) needed to watch her own oar.

At night she always went to bed way before us. One of the nights, when we got to the room to go to bed, we could hear her snoring through the closed door. It was that loud and she could be heard in the next room and down the hall as well. We tried to nudge her. We tried to shake her. We tried calling her name. We tried blasting loud music close to her head. She was on the futon so we picked up one side and dropped it. She didn’t budge. Cathy & I finally had to go to the living room and sleep on the couches. The girls in the other room didn’t get any sleep either due to her extremely loud snoring. We asked her about it in the morning and asked her to please switch rooms as one other gal offered. Betty again got very angry at us, said she doesn’t snore and was snapping at everyone all morning. These are people she just met.

She always made us wait for her to go on our hikes and excursions. One excursion we almost left her as we were all in the vans and she was told a few times we had to go as the tour left at a certain time. We ended up waiting 10 min for her as some of the ladies are too nice and wouldn’t leave her.

She didn’t want to play games with us. She didn’t want to hang out with us. I’m really not even sure why she came with us. She wasn’t super friendly to anyone.
Fast forward 3 weeks and I was driving a group of 5 ladies, including Betty, to a women’s event. Someone asked her how the trip was and she tells them first thing, she didn’t get any sleep and the beds were awful and the night she did get sleep she was forced to move! Wow! You get to go on a trip for half the cost of what the rest of us did. You make it miserable for most of us and now you’re complaining?! I couldn’t believe the nerve. 0918-17


Wedding Wednesday – “I Better Be Invited.” Oh, really? Or Else What?

March 14, 2018

Hello! I am getting married next year and my fiancé and I want a small wedding. Unfortunately after family members and people we are obligated to invite the list has grown substantially. We are now at our max. Over the past few months there have been situations that I do not know how to handle. […]

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I Do Want A Baby Shower! I Don’t Want A Baby Shower!

March 13, 2018

After discovering a good friend of mine was pregnant I offered to throw her a shower. She gratefully accepted and over the course of the next few months honed in on what she wanted, how many people, etc. I followed her wishes and signed a contract for a lovely venue that she approved of for […]

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