Co-Workers
or Cow-Orkers or Co-Irkers?
Jan-Jun
2003 Archive
This is probably a small thing, but it
definitely irritates me and there are probably people out there who have
had similar experiences and feelings. I work in an office setting with a
'team' of about five people; we all sit near each other and are under the
same supervisor. Everyone else on the team is quite a bit older than I am,
and most of us are female. There is one woman on the team,
"Mary," who is one of those well-meaning souls that drive you
crazy. She is constantly pushing to make herself liked; and while you know
her intentions are in the right place, you still can't help but be annoyed
and sometimes offended by her gestures.
My particular problem comes almost every
day around lunchtime. I am a twenty-something girl, and I am a vegan (no
meat or dairy); I also have a pretty severe eating disorder. This is
something that I am dealing with in my own way, and certainly not
something that I want to deal with in the office setting, and it's NOT
something that I would ever feel would be appropriate to share with my
coworkers, nor would I want to.
"Mary" is adamant about all of
us getting lunch together whenever possible; every day she makes a run to
a local restaurant and she will ask everyone what they want, collect the
cash, and go get the food (which is wonderful of her to do, and we often
chip in and buy her lunch to make up for it). The first time she asked me,
I politely asked if they had anything without meat or dairy on the menu,
as I was unfamiliar with the restaurant. Mary was astonished. "What?
You don't eat meat? Or dairy? What's wrong with you, why not?" Of
course I was offended by this and didn't know what to say, as well as not
feeling like I needed to defend my food choices to her. I shrugged and
made up some excuse, feeling very uncomfortable, and the whole time I was
talking Mary was running her eyes up and down my body (I am very thin),
with this look on her face as if to say "No wonder, what is wrong
with her?"
But I was willing to chalk this up to
the fact that Mary is older than me, and knows very different people, and
had probably never run across a vegan before. I knew she did not mean harm
by her comments.
However, several times since then, when
she has asked what I wanted for lunch, I have had to make up excuses,
saying that I was not hungry, that I didn't have any money, etc. Every
time she puts up an argument. Once she rudely said, "So are you still
not eating meat, or what? Do you ever eat?" I always stay polite but
I get very frustrated-- can't she just accept that my eating habits are
none of her business, and let it go, instead of advertising it to the
whole office that I am not eating?
It's gotten to the point where sometimes
I lie and say that I'm going to go get something myself later, that I had
a big breakfast, etc. Again, I can understand the whole "mother
figure" thing, the older lady who pushes food on people-- but it
should be my choice if or what I eat, and it should not be an object of
ridicule or debate, especially not in the office.
The clincher came the other day, though,
when she was once again asking everyone about lunch. She asked the girl
who sits next to me, "Lynnie," what she wanted to eat, and
Lynnie said that she was not hungry that day. At this, Mary exclaimed at
the top of her lungs, loud enough for everyone to hear, "What's wrong
with you people, are you anorexic or something?" I cringed to myself
when she said that; I have to wonder if anyone else within earshot was
sensitive to a comment like that, too.
I am now extremely uncomfortable in that
office every day around lunchtime. Sometimes I wish that people, no matter
how well-intentioned they are, would realize that everyone is coming from
somewhere different, and what you see as a harmless comment can be
something very different to the person you are saying it to.
Cow-orkers0902-03
When I was in college I worked part time
as a telemarketer. As you would expect, the turnover rate was high and my
boss was not picky about who she hired. One night, a new girl about my age
started. She sat next to me so during our break I chatted with her. Her
(real) name was Cinnamon, she was about my age and she was a single Mom
with a college degree, and was just doing this for extra cash. I asked her
how she liked it so far and she goes "I just started a new job that
pays better, I don't think I'll stay here." Then, she takes her
billfold out of her purse and opens it, showing me a huge wad of cash
(bear in mind I met her ten minutes beforehand)! I will admit that I am
nosy so I asked her what her job was (I figured she was a stripper) and
she looks around and whispers "I'm a professional escort." Then
she starts telling me how great it is, how her boss (pimp) is so nice, and
her customers (johns) are so nice, and she takes out a business card for
this escort service and tells me I should call him, it's a great job! I
was appalled, and told her my boyfriend would not like that. She replied
"Don't tell him." I was sickened, and ended the conversation
after that. Sure enough, she never came back again after that one night.
After that, I wasn't so friendly with the new people.
Cow-orkers0907-03
I have a coworker who lives very close
to me. We're not super friends or anything, but polite & work well
together. The coworker asked me if I could drive them to the airport for a
flight to the opposite coast in a few weeks. I agreed, not realizing this
person had made flight plans that required him to be at the airport at
5:30am! I was obviously exhausted when I went into work that day. No word
was ever said about me picking him up front he airport. However, 5 days
later I get a phone call at 7pm a night from the co- worker
"reminding" me his flight got in a MIDNIGHT. I was so shocked I
forgot to point out I'd never agreed to pick him up. However, I know that
a taxi from the airport to our neighborhood was $30 and I'd have to see
him at work, so I bit my tongue. I get several cell phone calls over the
course of the evening from the co- worker along the lines of "flight
from CA/arrived left on time," "left Dallas on time." At
11pm, just as I'm readying to drive to the airport, I get a call and he
tells me his flight from the Midwest is delayed due to fog, so he'll be
getting in late and that he'll call me when his flight actually does leave
so I can just drive to the airport then and not sit around for hour. Gee,
how thoughtful! Turns out his flight left over 3 hours later & I spent
the entire night waking up every few minutes because my cell phone was
ringing with more "updates" from the co- worker. I wound up
picking him up at 3:20AM! Despite grinding my teeth, I did not go off on
this guy as he looked rather wiped out from the long delay of his flights,
but as he got out of the car I suggested that next time he flies to the
coast he should schedule his flights at more convenient times. He smiled
and said "sure!" I NEVER got a thank you, not even when he was
joking about the flight delays with other people at work in front of me.
Next time he can just take a cab!
Cow-orkers0919-03
Katie likes to talk. She doesn't usually
have a lot of work (this is the nature of her job - sometimes she's really
busy, sometimes she brings a book to read while it's slow) and seems to
think that no one else does either. This over-40 person also has a problem
understanding the boundaries between polite conversation and very
unpleasant or inappropriate reports. She frequently says, "You know
me, I speak my mind." This seems to be a license to be as rude as she
wants to be. Almost everyone in the office has heard in vivid detail of
her sexual exploits with her various boyfriends over the years. And when
she's not dating, she makes very crude sexually tilted or suggestive
comments to any of the male employees, whether they're single, dating, or
married!
She gives amazing Technicolor detail of
any medical procedures. In the weeks before she had a tooth extracted, she
explained to anyone who she could catch (and her job is one that involves
a lot of interaction with other users, so she caught a lot of us) how the
procedure would be done. After the extraction, she explained what it was
like, including what it sounded like and felt like, the amount of blood,
etc. Mind you, she wasn't just sharing this with close friends in the
office, but with anyone who passed her way! I saw her opening her mouth a
couple of times to show people her scar (or hole - whatever is left after
a tooth is removed). She offered to show me but I politely declined.
When she had her tubes tied, she behaved
the same way (minus the offers to see the scar). She was excited at the
prospect of having sex without worry of getting pregnant, and let everyone
know.
The year after her tooth was extracted,
my daughter was born. Watching her come into this world was one of the
best experiences of my life, if not the best. I was very excited to be
there, and wouldn't have missed it for the world. It was completely
beautiful. I point this out because of what happens next. When my daughter
was a couple of months old, Katie decided to get her bunion removed. She
went through the usual process, explaining what it looked like and showing
people her foot and all that good stuff. She had the surgery and came back
to work. When her bandage was off, she started again offering to show her
scar. She asked me if I'd like to see it.
I said, "No thanks, I think I'll
pass."
She said, "Oh, that's right. I
forgot you're squeamish about that sort of thing. It must've been hard for
you when Susie was born."
I mumbled some reply and left, managing
to suppress the urge to explain to her that there's a slight difference
between looking at an acquaintance’s scar on her smelly old foot and
witnessing the miracle of birth!
Cow-orkers0917-03
A lady in my office (let's call her
"Beulah") tends to be a little bit obnoxious at times. It is
impossible to complete a sentence around Beulah. She either interrupts
with an unrelated statement or question or finishes a sentence for the
person who is talking. When she calls and I pick up the phone, she will
quickly give a pre-emptive "hello" before I even get a chance to
identify myself or even say hello (I don't know if this is a standard
practice anywhere, but I've always thought that it's polite to let the
person receiving the call say the first words). She talks non-stop, making
it very difficult for anyone to walk away and get back to work; she often
traps a passing ear for several minutes.
Beulah loves her pets. Her husband is in
the military and travels a lot and she has no kids, so I can understand
the stronger affection and pride in her pets. When her dog started having
trouble getting around, she took him to the vet to have him checked out.
The vet discovered that the dog had cancer. She arranged for the dog to
get chemotherapy to extend his life for a couple of months. During this
time she detailed what a hard time the dog was having standing up, doing
his business, and living in general. I thought that this was kind of mean
to the dog. The dog was obviously miserable, in pain and very sick, but
she continued to put him through this torture. I love dogs, but you have
to face the tough decisions with them in order to do what's best for the
dog. The dog eventually fell unconscious and died shortly after.
A few days before her dog died, my
beloved grandmother passed away suddenly. Though her health had been
gradually deteriorating, her mental faculties were still intact, and her
death was unexpected. Funeral arrangements were made and family flew in
from all over the world. My mother, who usually stands strong in the face
of adversity, was an emotional wreck. My aunts and uncles, my cousins, my
grandma's friends all were shaken up by her passing. Any life she touched
was made better because she was there. She was always happy to have
visitors, and she never spoke ill of anyone. The funeral was very
emotionally draining. After taking a couple of days off for the funeral
and wake, I came back to work. When I came back, Beulah was out, attending
her dog's final moments. She took a week off to deal with her grief, then
returned to work. When she came back to work, she was upset and cried
whenever anyone mentioned her dog. A couple of people went through the
office with a sympathy card for Beulah (for her dog!) and asked me to
sign. Keep in mind that I was still upset over my own loss, though I keep
my grieving a little bit more private. Somewhat incredulous, I signed the
card. For the record, I did receive a sympathy card for my grandma, but it
was sent by the HR director, and certainly not signed by everyone in the
company!
Again, each person has his own way of
grieving. I was bothered by being asked to sign the card, but I realized
that the intentions behind the action were good, and it wasn't my place to
judge how sad she should or shouldn't be when dealing with her loss. I
went to her office to tell her that I was sorry about her loss (this was
still the first day she was back). She said thank you and talked a little
about her dog. She then mentioned that she had heard that my grandmother
had died. I told her yes and started to tell about my grandma, but she
interrupted me, saying, "Well, you just lost a grandparent. I lost a
companion!"
I didn't have any difficulty walking
away from her that time.
Cow-orkers0917-03
Until the birth of my daughter I worked
for a small financial planning firm, now I would like to interject here
that this job came with many perks as well as an excellent salary, which I
feel should be brought up since I would have left much sooner had it not
been for the perks of my employment.
So, we'll start from the top and work
our way down.
Bob (the owner/boss) -- An older man
just a tad on the strange side. I worked there for 7 months before he ever
spoke to me. He relayed all messages to me through two of the other
employees. Which would have been okay except that he frequently gabbed
with the other employees and purposely left me out. If I talked to him
first he just stared at me like I was stupid and never answered. I soon
learned to just ignore it and eventually was rewarded with an occasional
grunt or even a good-bye at the end of the day. Lucky Me!
Bill (the owner/bosses son) -- Now he
was interesting character, he did speak to me he told me one liner jokes
all day long (not even funny jokes though he seemed to think they were),
or he would tell me about the sports teams he followed and then berate me
for not being a sports fan, he also loved to tell everyone on a regular
basis that he would inherit the business one day so we better be nice to
him or else. He also had all the employees field calls from his wife we
were told if she sounded mad or unhappy he was out of the office, but if
she sounded happy to put the call through. He also enjoyed asking about my
sex life in a round-a-bout way while ensuring to tell me about his wife's
lack of sexual prowess. I still can not look this woman in the eye.
At this point I would like to input a
strange father/son thing they were hot all the time, literally, they ran
the air conditioning year round and the office was freezing! They refused
to turn it off and would scream bloody murder if I even attempted to touch
the thermostat, Year round I sat in my office with a coat on and a blanket
wrapped around me. All of the other employees had bought small space
heaters to help keep them warm, so I eventually did the same. My boss upon
seeing my space heater told me he felt it was a fire hazard and asked me
to take it home. I was dumbfounded by this since the other employees all
had them. Then to my surprise the boss bought me a space heater that he
felt was safe, but gave me explicit instructions on its use--which were
basically this is on/off and high/low but somehow he managed to stretch it
into a 45-minute tutorial. I later had my space heater privileges revoked
for improper use, I accidentally left it on during my lunch break one day.
Buddy(CPA)-- He was normal in most ways
except for the fact that he scratched his private parts incessantly, stole
people’s drinks from the refrigerator, and I can not count the number of
times I caught him picking his nose. I refused to shake his hand ever.
Bonnie (we had the same job but she was
my immediate supervisor) She was the worst of all, from the beginning she
crossed serious personal boundary issues. She told me all about her
marital troubles for the first few weeks of my employment which apparently
was meant to pave the way for her to tell me about her many, many
transgressions on the side in explicit detail. She also told me that
during both of her pregnancies she was sure the children did not belong to
her husband but upon seeing them she is almost positive that they actually
do belong to her hubby. She also told me about her feminine grooming
habits, and then inquired about mine. During my pregnancy she told me
horror stories of her children having colic and how with both of them she
had hit them when they were infants because they would not shut up (her
words there). I eventually asked her to stop which resulted in her hatred
of me and her continual bad mouthing of my work to my employers.
Betty-- (secretary) the only sane one of
the bunch and my one workday salvation.
Cow-orkers1003-03
I have a story of a co-worker from hell,
whom I still work with unfortunately but will be very grateful to get away
from when I graduate from college and get married. We will just call her
"Yuki".
I work for a major Northeast supermarket
chain in the deli. Yuki is a 50-something Japanese lady (that's just a
guess on her age -- she won't tell anyone how old she is). She's been in
this department for at least 15 years, and I am surprised that they have
let her stay this long. She has a way of ticking off anyone who comes into
contact with her. And for several reasons:
- She acts like a shift leader when she
isn't. She will often order people around that she feels don't know
what they are doing. Ex. Even though I have been at this store for 2
years, she still feels the need to give me orders on a job I do more
than often than anyone else in the store
- When she DOES show people how to do
things, it's often done wrong. The people who have to follow her the
next day or later that day dread it because they just know that
something is going to get screwed up.
- She has her own way of doing things
that make absolutely no sense to the operation of our department. For
example, for some stupid reason in the wash sink she has this pan that
she keeps there for no inexplicable reason. It's just in the way of
everyone trying to do dishes in that sink.
- She doesn't think the rules apply to
her. She will often open roast beef (a very messy meat) in the rinse
sink when she should be opening it in the larger sink.
On top of all this, though, she can be
just downright rude and argumentative at the same time, and not only to
other employees but to customers as well.
One recent example pops into my head,
told to me by several different people. A coworker I'll call "Salad
Bar Person" (who is a shift leader) was recently diagnosed with some
nerve damage in her neck so she is limited to doing salad bar work and
can't lift anything over a certain amount of weight. Everyone knew this,
and even though it was a bit of a nuisance (I'm sure to her, as well) we
all understood it. Well, one day Yuki asked Salad Bar Person to cut open
some roast beef for her while she was with a customer. Salad Bar Person
told her that if she brought it out for her she would cut it for her.
Yuki's response? "You're useless. You should just go home!" I
was flabbergasted when I heard that! It explained a lot of her reaction
when I told her off twice in one day after she tried to tell me how to do
my job one day shortly after the incident.
And she seems to think that anyone
younger than she is is "Superperson" and insists that they can
do more than they actually can. Although I am a college student and get
mistaken for younger than I am, I'm not exactly a spring chicken. I
recently had to call one morning to let whoever was there know that I
wouldn't be in because of back problems. Yuki was the one who answered the
phone. I told her I wouldn't be in because I was feeling some minor
"spasms" in my back and I didn't want to risk making them worse.
Her response? "Oh, you have to come in! We have five platters to do
today!" I had to be firm with her and tell her that I had back
problems and couldn't come in before she would begrudgingly say
"ok"? and hang up the phone.
No wonder no one likes her.
Cow-orker1028-03
I was working in an environmental
consulting firm for about four months when the Project Manager announced
that he had hired a new employee. He made a big deal over this new
hire--this new guy apparently had about 12 years experience as a biologist
with a state agency, we were lucky to get him, and so on. This paragon had
not been in the office for one week before he was heartily despised by
everyone but the Project Manager. It was obvious that he had not the
slightest inkling how to do the job for which he had been hired, for one
thing. He was constantly asking me how to do this and that, which meant
would I actually DO this and that for him. Occasionally, if I was between
projects, I agreed to do little jobs for him (just so I would have
something to bill my time to) but instead of being appreciative, he hung
around me asking me if I was still working on the project, that he
hadn't heard me typing for a while (!) so he was worried that I wasn't
going to complete the work on time, etc. If he wasn't making sure I was
doing his job, he was sitting in the Project Managers office yukking it up
with him. Lots of jokes, laughter, all-men-together kind of garbage.
But that's not all. When he wasn't harassing me or brown-nosing the boss,
he was on the phone--yelling at his wife, running his furniture business,
talking to his girlfriend--yep, his girlfriend. His phone
conversations could be heard all the way down the hall (which fortunately
allowed me to share my misery about him without being indiscreet). He
showed up to the company Christmas party--late, so that he was sure to be
noticed--with his wife on one arm, and his girlfriend on the other! He was
very careless about his email--he would leave his Inbox open on the screen
so that anybody walking by could see the long list of emails from his
girlfriend, all with dirty subject lines. On at least one occasion he was
called away from his desk before he could close an email (or perhaps he
didn't bother to try), and another employee who stopped by to leave
something on his desk got an eyeful that nearly made her ill. Apparently,
this winner had a habit of meeting his girlfriend in our stairwell after
work for fun and games of a physical nature. We decided that, if the
building caught on fire, we would all take our chances in the elevator
rather than risking the soiled stairwell.
As far as I know, this creep is still with the company--the only person
who doesn't see him for the incompetent, icky creep that he is the Project
Manager who hired him (and, of course, his wife and girlfriend). BLEAH!
Cow-orkers1123-03
This happened in my office. I decided to
treat my coworkers to donuts one morning to celebrate a special occasion
in my life. When I got to the office, I set out the donuts in the break
room, right next to the coffee machine. Most of my coworkers congratulated
me on the occasion and thanked me as they helped themselves to a donut.
I helped myself to a donut and coffee
and went to my cubicle, which is near the break room.
A short time later, a new employee ---
who had not yet been introduced to me -- came into the break room and
helped herself to a donut. I couldn’t believe it when I overheard her
telling someone else "Not for nothing, but these aren't exactly my
favorites." Cow-orkers1120-03
Years ago I worked for an architect
making blue prints and delivering them to customers. After a year, I
managed to work my way over to the drafting room (which was my intention
for taking the job in the first place), so the firm hired a replacement
delivery guy.
The new guy showed up on Monday morning
and I spent the morning showing him the ropes. At lunchtime he told me
that he had parked in visitor parking and was going to go move his car. We
never saw him again. Cow-orkers1221-03
I’m sure many of your readers remember
the Dilbert comic strip in which a worker avoids assignments by taking his
vacation in 10-minute segments. I keep a framed copy of this on my desk
because I lived through just such an office situation.
A woman I’ll call Diva and I were the
entire staff of a specialized research facility within a larger
institution. Our facility was open to the public several days a week.
People often think that library work is serene. Not so. We could always
count on independent researchers who would come up with bizarre research
topics and nasty attitudes. There were also staff members from other parts
of the institution who needed, ‘a slide show for tomorrow!’ Each
academic term we could also count on a deluge of college students who
decided that the week (or the day!) before a due date was the time to
start researching a long paper. In short, the place could, and often did,
get zooey.
At the time of my story Diva was going
through two very stressful situations in her personal life. She’d been
abruptly deserted by her husband of 20 plus years. As an only child she
was also responsible for the care of a seriously ill parent. It was clear
to everyone that she needed a rest. Diva had a lot of vacation time in the
bank but, because of her parent’s ill health, couldn’t get away.
Diva may have been stressed but she was
ingenious. She proposed to take her vacation by the hour. There was a
method to this seeming madness. Next door to our building was a health
club. When things got too difficult at work she could declare a ‘time-out’
and to take off for the gym for a yoga class, a sauna or whatever would
relax her.
Believe it or not, this proposal was
approved. Even though I was the one most affected by it, I had no input. I
found out about it the first time Diva grabbed her gym bag and headed out
the door. A conversation with the uber-boss confirmed that, yes, she was
allowed to leave whenever she wanted and, when she was in the office, I
was to make her life as stress-free as possible.
I began to dread going to work. Diva
could be depended upon to skip out at the worst possible times at least 3
or 4 times a week. Sometimes she even left twice in one day! This went on
for almost ten months and, in all that time, I was offered no help.
Eventually, my own nerves began to suffer. My performance evaluation was
horrible that year because it didn’t take the extra work and stress into
account. I was told to improve my performance or else…
Finally, it ended with the death of Diva’s
parent. That was a sad occasion but at least she could take a proper
vacation. On one of these she met a man she eventually married but those
are other stories, some of which belong in Etiquettehell.
The maddening part of the whole episode
is that not once did Diva ever show a sign that her ‘space to breathe’
was inconveniencing me in any way. I don’t think it would have killed
her to say, at least once, "I know this situation is tough on you and
I want to let you know I appreciate your help." Cow-orkers0913-03
Page Last Updated May 18, 2007
|