Baby Showers 

Jul-Dec 2000 Archive

Oct-Dec2000 Archive

A male co-worker of ours was expecting his second child. One of the girls at work decided to give him a baby shower at her home on a Sunday. We were to bring a dish for potluck. I was told twice where the couple was registered.Both times I had merely asked some small question about the shower itself.A sign-up sheet was posted in the back room for who would be attending and what dish they would bring. I noticed about three days before the shower, only three people had signed the sheet.The next day, I heard the shower plans had been changed. I was appalled to learn that the shower would be the day before, on a Saturday, at work and we were ALL asked to bring a dish. (We work at a hair salon, so you can imagine how hectic it is on a Saturday! )I heard through the grapevine that the plans had changed because not enough people had put their names on the sign-up sheet!

To top it off, one of our receptionist was asked to go around to each person in the salon and "remind" them that we were to bring a dish and our gift on Saturday. This was on a Thursday! We all work practically non-stop on Saturdays and I could not imagine what kind of baby shower we could be having on that day. Plus, I had never heard of giving the husband a shower without the wife there.I'm sorry, but last I heard, you have a choice whether or not to attend a party that you have been invited to. Luckily, I had plans to go out of town on that day, so I was not able to "attend". It did get me thinking though.....my birthday is coming up later this month, and what the hey! There's always the Saturday before, I'll just let everyone know where I'm registered at..........    baby0218-01

I had been a very good friend with "Mary" since grade school, and she now lived on the East Coast. I still lived in the Midwestern State where we grew up, as did many of her other friends.

"Mary" was pregnant with her first child and was understandably excited, as was her husband's family. Her mother-in-law decided to throw a baby shower for her and all her friends, even though said friends lived hundreds of miles away.

I received an invitation to a "Phone Shower." My instructions were to purchase, package, and mail a gift to the address given. I then had an appointment at 7:00 on a certain evening weeks ahead, at which time I was to make a long-distance call (not even collect!) and listen to her open my package. Later on, I was to receive a photo of her eating, drinking, and opening my gift. Astonished by this, I showed the invitation to everyone I knew. After picking up their jaws from the floor, each stated in no uncertain terms that I should just ignore it completely. I was unable to do that, and grudgingly sent a gift, but I couldn't bring myself to make the phone call at the appointed time. Actually, when the night rolled around, I really did forget all about it, so even if I'd intended to take part in the fiasco, I would have forgotten anyway.

I spoke with her a week or two later, and she complained that she had several "no-shows," which forced her to wait around until the phone rang before she could open another gift!

Fast-forward several years, to when I'm pregnant with my own first child. "Mary" was very insistent on throwing a phone shower for me. Instead of telling her I would rather die, I managed to get out of it by convincing her that she was the only friend who couldn't actually be there in person for my shower. She still thought it was a great idea!      Baby0310-01

A few years ago I was truly appalled by a co-worker's baby shower. Although I can't remember all the little irritants, I think that what is left still gives a good idea of how tacky these women are. 1. The new "mother" was actually adopting her 2nd child. Now, granted, I know nothing about these matters as I just "don't do" showers, but it seems to me that you get ONE. Regardless. 2. In the weeks prior to said shower, everyone in the department, and I mean everyone, was inundated with announcements of the impending shower. Daily. This included:

* Announcement so the potluck sign up sheet.

* Reminders of the day

* Requests for cash for the "group" presents

* Reminders of the pot luck sign up sheet as no one was offering to bring anything

* reminders of the reminders for everything.

Thank god for the "delete" option for email. I was not interested in attending said function as I did not know this woman, I am rabidly "child-free", I thought the 2nd shower was tacky, and their strong arm, presumptuous tactics were appalling to me. But no... 3. Every member of the staff was stopped at least twice to ask why they had not signed up for the potluck, and had not donated to the gift fund. As this constant barrage was not enough... 4. The envelope for the gift money made its rounds a few times in an inter-office envelope. The day of the "party" everyone was standing around, looking, markedly broken. Forced smiles wreathed faces as they congratulated the new "mother" and wished her well on her trip to China to pick up the child. You guessed it. The thank you was an email sent off the departmental distribution list. Later, when mom had returned from China I overheard her and the shower coordinator talking about the new edition to the family. "We wanted to give her a name that was sort of Chinese sounding so that she would feel connected to her culture." The child's new name? Tiffany. That's Mandarin, right?     Baby0312-01

Recently, I was invited to a surprise baby shower for the wife of a friend. Now the wife, who we shall call Beth, is a woman of good grace and manners, as is her husband (my friend) who we shall call Rich. The shower was being given by Rich's mother and sister and was to be a surprise to Beth. I had never met Rich's family before. Now, Rich's family is full of love and support for each other, which is what is truly important, however this experience made me realize that they are completely lacking in etiquette.

The first clue I had that this shower was to be a tad lacking in taste was the invitation. It was obviously computer generated on regular printer paper with a poem on the front that ended with "...the honor of your presents  is requested". Obviously, the gift was more invited than I was! Despite this, I and another of Rich's female friends dutifully RSVPed , bought gifts, and planned to attend the shower. The invitation said to be there by 2pm, and, since it was a surprise, we left in plenty of time to arrive about ten minutes early (assuming that Beth would be there around 2 or 2:15 - the invitation was not clear on this).

And so we arrived, dressed in nice clothing and bearing gift, to a house in chaos. Our knock at the door was greeted by a loud yell from inside "telling us to come on in, the door is open". Once inside the foyer, we were on our own. There was no one to greet us, no one to offer to take our coats, no one to even offer a drink. After standing there for about 5 minutes, we made our way into the kitchen where the family was seated around the table, still in sweats arranging a cut up submarine on plates. We were told to go to the living room (with no directions given, let alone an escort) and add our presents to the pile there.

Dutifully, we obeyed orders and wondered to the living room. We arrived in the living room to find it packed to the gills with chairs. There was literally nowhere to stand or any way to move about in this room. Thankfully there were also about 10 other guests looking equally bewildered, each sitting quietly in a chair. My friend and I found chairs and had a seat. Because of the chair problem, mingling was not possible. Not a single member of Rich's family entered the room to offer us a drink or snack - nor were there any to be seen so we could help ourselves. Slowly more guests trickled in.

At 2:15 the room was still only half full, leaving me to wonder when the guest of honor was actually going to arrive. Since my friend was parched, she offered to make her way to the kitchen in search of drinks and answers. Five minutes later she returned with two cups of soda and a very red look on her face. Apparently, Beth was not scheduled to arrive until 3:15 - 3:30!!!! Essentially, they wanted us here over 1.5 hours early on a precious Saturday! Worse, I had a dinner engagement requiring that I leave at 4pm! Originally, I thought that 2 hours for the shower would have been plenty, but now I wouldn't even get to see Beth open the present I had carefully chosen and wrapped.

By 3:15 the room was full (obviously, those closer to the family knew not to arrive at 2pm!). We had been sitting in the same chairs for over an hour with only one cup of soda (they still had not offered any food - for that matter, we were still in our coats, as they had not offered to take those either!). Rich's mother came into the room (finally changed out of sweats and into slacks) and requested that we all be quiet now because Beth could arrive at any moment. No talking was allowed. We sat that way until 3:35, the time when Beth finally did arrive! Beth, being a sweet person, made a quick round around the room (despite her considerable size and the lack of room to move with all the chairs) and was then pulled into another room by Rich's mother. We have no idea why, but Beth did not reappear until 3:50. Finally, the food was brought out and people were told they could eat. I, unfortunately, had to leave at this point for my other engagement, but was told that the event went on for another 4 hours! Doing what, I cannot imagine. Sitting around, I suppose.   baby0314-01

A well-to-do friend of my well- to- do SIL-to-be left a message on my answering machine asking me to save the date for a "Dutch" baby shower for SIL's third baby. Although I could not imagine what SIL would need for the new baby since she had two other children, the same sex as the baby, under 3 years old, I like my SIL a lot and decided to attend the shower. I received my invitation a short time later.

The shower was being held at a fancy bistro restaurant in a posh part of town. The invitation did not in any way indicate that the shower was "Dutch" or "no host." Prior to the shower, I bought a nice gift, spending more than I could afford because after all, this was my future niece. I also checked out a local dining guide to find out what I could expect to pay for lunch at this restaurant. I planned on about $30 including my share of my SIL's lunch. Steep for my budget but again, I wanted to be a good sport. When I arrived at the shower, the parking available was $12 valet parking. At the shower, the only beverage that was served was white wine, which I do not drink. I had to beg the waiter to bring me a glass of ice tea.

When the waiter came to our table, we were informed we would not be ordering off the menu but that the "hostess" (the earlier mentioned well-to-do friend) had preselected the menu which basically came down to a green salad, a chicken salad entree and an Italian ice dessert. Finally, the time came to settle up the bill. The "hostess" of the shower came around to each table and asked for $60 (you read that correctly) from each of the 20 or so guests. I almost choked I was so shocked at that price. $60 times 20 guests is $1200 - for salad and a glass of ice tea. I really felt sorry for a few of the women at the table including my cousin-in-law, who had not been informed that they would be expected to contribute any money toward the shower.

To cap it all off, I found out as I was leaving that the restaurant had charged us for the 6 or so meals uneaten by guests who had not shown up. The "hostess" had calculated the costs of their meals in the $60 we were each asked to pay. According to another friend at the shower, the "hostess" was seen loading up her SUV with the leftover bottles of wine and "doggy bags" of the uneaten meals. Although I never said anything to my SIL because it was not her fault, I plan to pass next time I am invited to a $1200 baby shower by one of that crowd.

Baby0320-01

I had hoped never to have to submit a story. My sister, however, made me vow to send this in. I must point out at the beginning that there were a few extenuating circumstances (which I found out about after the fact) that make the situation not as incredibly rude as it first seemed, but at the time, I was fuming.

I drove the five hours to my hometown this weekend to attend my brother Josh and his wife Cathy's baby shower. Already people were abuzz with the news that Josh had put his name as the host of the shower, even though my sister Vicky had offered to host a shower for them (They had refused because "They wanted it done right"). He had also mis-addressed and mis-named several of his relatives when inviting them. (For example, my invitation arrived a week after the RSVP date because he hadn't bothered with a zip code, and Aunt Melissa had been confused when she was invited as "Aunt Margaret and family") But we all chalked it up to the excitement of being a new father, and determined to attend anyway.

I arrived early because they had registered at a local store, and I wanted to make sure that I got them something off of Cathy's registry. So the day before the shower I went to the store and asked for the registry. I was told it would take awhile because the registry was *17* pages long! Now, neither side of the family is well-to -do, but that seemed to slip the mind of the mommy and daddy! Almost everything on that 17 page list was a big-ticket item, including a request for 3 high chairs! But I wanted to help them out, so I spent a little more than I had planned to get them an item off their list.

That evening, after wrapping the gift, I decided to call Josh to tell him I was in town early. I also asked if he needed any last-minute stuff for the shower, and was told "No, we're doing fine". He then called back five minutes later to say "Oh, would you mind bringing some balloons to help decorate?" (no problem) "And maybe some snack foods and punch?" (ok, I can handle that) "And our oven is busted, would you mind baking a cake for us?" (With the shower the next day?? And remember, I'm from out of town and staying as a guest at a friend's house!) (I later called Vicky and found out that they had already ordered a cake and I was the backup, so guess what cake never got made. Nor was it missed.) So I figured he had no idea what he was doing, and asked if he even had any games or activities planned. His answer was either serious or so deadpanned that I couldn't tell the difference. "Oh, I just thought I'd pass the hat"

Here's the afterward - Actually, the shower went pretty well (no hats were passed, thank goodness!), and Josh and Cathy got very lovely and thoughtful gifts, although perhaps not as pricey as they would have liked. Although I left early to drive home, it looked like everyone was having a good time. But in a routine call to Vicky, I learned that Cathy had complained because they hadn't gotten everything they had registered for. Well, there was more than this, as I haven't even mentioned that Josh used the shower to show off his new DVD surround sound system, or inviting both our mother and her husband's girlfriend, or... but if I get into that, you'll get a letter as long as your site :)        Baby0327-01

Last year, my sister (let's call her Rosy) was asked to be a godmother by a friend, *Jane*. The rest of my family thinks Jane is a self-obsessed drama queen, but fair enough. Rosy was thrilled to be asked - until she was told the christening would be a Catholic ceremony (Jane is Methodist, her husband RC). Rosy explained to Jane that, as a Protestant, she could not be a godmother in a Catholic ceremony. Jane brushed this aside, saying, "It's only a civil ceremony really - we're just having it in that church to please *John's* (her husband's) parents, because they're quite strict. Don't worry, the priest is fine about it."

Despite her misgivings, Rosy agreed to continue when Jane assured her there would be no problems. It then turned out the christening was being held during a full Catholic Mass on Easter day, when the entirely Catholic congregation would also be re-affirming their faith. The godparents' vows include "I am a good Catholic" and promises to rear the child in the faith. My poor sister was horrified! She rang Jane & said she just couldn't do it. Not only was it against her own religion, but it would be highly insulting to the Catholics present. Jane went ballistic! She started crying and screaming at Rosy that it was her baby's christening, that Rosy was being incredibly selfish because they couldn't get another godparent, and that Rosy wasn't respecting her (Jane's) religion! Methodism? She then screeched at her to "cross your bl**dy fingers" if it worried her that much, and slammed the phone down.

We begged my sister to drop out, but she finally rang the priest concerned and told him everything. Needless to say, he had had no idea she was not RC. His kind solution was to give her different vows that were in effect non-denominational and made her a mentor rather than a godparent. She did have to leave fairly swiftly afterwards though, because many people there wanted to know why one godparent had different vows to all the rest. Jane had assured them Rosy was an ardent Catholic!

Jane's wedding was a further excuse for behavior so appalling it was hard to believe. She got married in a Protestant cathedral, because "the Catholic & Methodist churches were boring". Her child has never been to church since. Several people were furious with Rosy for being in that Mass, but she told me nobody could feel more shame about it than she did herself. Keep up the good work!    Baby0418-01

This happened about a year ago at the baby shower of one of my dearest friends. "Jackie" was having her first baby, and her SIL "Cathy" decided to throw a shower for Jackie at Jackie's mom's house. Now, Jackie's mom lives about 2.5 hours away from me, but I gladly made the drive for my friend's party. Everything was lovely except for the games. There were three wrapped presents being displayed for the winners of the games. We all played the first game, and the winner takes her prize. We played the second game, which I won. Cathy announces to me in front of everybody that there were only two prizes left, and depending on what I chose, I would have to give it Jackie. So, I picked my prize, and I picked unwisely, because I had to give it to Jackie. It was a little wall hanging with unicorns or teddy bears or something like that--something obviously geared toward a baby's room.

We all played the third game, and the winner of that game got to keep her prize. Have you ever heard of anything like that? I've never before been to a shower where the winner of a game has to give the prize away! I was annoyed with Cathy, but I was puzzled that Jackie never acknowledged the rude behavior of her SIL. If any IL had done that to one of my closest friends, I would have apologized to my friend later on, and bought her a present to make up for it. baby0506-01

My friend has an internet friend who was expecting a baby. They held a "traditional" baby shower in their home town, but decided to hit their cyber friends up for gifts too. They sent out an email to everyone the knew on the net announcing that they were expecting a baby, it contained their mailing address for gifts and at the bottom it said "We will only be accepting gifts from Old Navy and Baby Gap" My friend didn't send them anything and neither did any of their other internet friends.      Baby0516-01

I was just finishing my senior year in high school when I got pregnant. My best friend "Lori" wanted to throw me a baby shower. We got all of the addresses of all of our friends, and since we didn't have a lot of money, we spent many hours creating our own invitations. We sent them all out a couple of months before the party, and as the date came closer we made reminder calls. When I would see friends while I was out, they would ask about the party, and seemed excited about it. About thirty of my friends said that they would be there. I was sooooo excited on the day of the party, and Lori and I had all of the games set up, the food out, and the hot tub ready. Two hours after the party started ONE person showed up, and that was it! I was so devastated, as well as Lori. At least now I know who my real friends are.    Baby0525-01

Your friends may be devotees of Etiquette Hell and knew to not feed the animals.  Hint:  Tres' tacky to host , coordinate and issue invitations to your baby shower.

I've got a close friend I've known for over ten years. I'll call her Sara. When Sara became pregnant, her mother (who is also a good friend) decides to throw her a baby shower. Every time I talked to Sara, the number of guests her mother is inviting keeps going up and up. In the end, her mother sends out over 100 invitations for a baby shower! She sends an invitation to every woman in the church she attends, every female relative and just about every female she knows! Sara is very embarrassed because it looks like SHE is asking for gifts. Her father just tells her to let it go and let her mom have some fun, so she does.

Shower time rolls around and it's held in a small church room--it could not have fit 50 people, let alone over 100! That was also the biggest room in the church, so had more people come, they would've had to squash them all in there or found a lodge hall on short notice. 30 people (out of over 100) show up and filled the room pretty well. Another tacky thing was the guests had to fill out their own thank you note envelopes with their name and address! Even with addressing my own thank you note, she still hasn't sent them out!   Baby0529-01

My husband's cousin has three children. When she was pregnant with her 3rd child, her mother gave her a shower. In addition to that in itself being a huge faux pas, she enclosed a list in the invitation of the mom-to-be's "needs." This girl already had two kids, a boy and a girl, what else could she need?!!! On this list were things like a baby mattress, a monitor, a bathtub, etc. All things *most* people keep to use again with the next baby.

I was giving her the benefit of the doubt - maybe since this baby was going to be four years younger than the last child, she gave that stuff away thinking she wasn't going to have anymore. But nooooooo! When I asked her mom if she had given her old stuff away, she said no, she'd sold most of it at a yard sale the previous weekend 'cause she wanted all new stuff.

She didn't get any "new stuff" from me! (And come to find out, no one came to that shower except her mom, her sister, and her mother-in-law, who bought most of what was on that list.)

Baby0707-01

To make a long story short, my husband is an only child. My mother in law was the only woman in her little family (with her husband and son) so an intrusion by a woman (me) was not taken well. Basically, once my mother-in-law found out I was pregnant (and that it was a girl, read: the daughter she never had) she started acting like SHE was the one having the baby. She even went so far as to say she was going to sign up for Mommy and Me classes with my daughter (hello, YOU are not the Mommy!).

Well, mother-in-law threw me a baby shower and it was all very nice. Except....once the shower was over and we started cleaning up she starts going through my gifts and picking out what SHE wants!!! She would say, "Oh, I need one of these at MY house for when the baby comes to visit, can I have it?" I was horrified!!! She pretty much grabbed all my duplicate gifts, and tried to take some of the other stuff. I think it was the ultimate in tackiness. Her coworkers also threw her a "grandmother shower" which I thought was pretty weird, too, and certainly didn't help her understand that SHE was not the one having the baby. The story does have a happy ending though. We have since moved 500 miles away and I have had 2 more daughters. We get along just fine now (from 500 miles away!!!!) LOL.    Baby0722-01

A couple of years ago, I was 'volunteered' to throw a baby shower for the daughter (whom I will refer to as 'Marie') of a friend of my mother's. Although Marie and I have nothing in common and never have anything to do with one another, I agreed, although not without trepidation. Why didn't one of her close friends or relatives want to do this instead? Still, I tried to make it as special an occasion as I possibly could. Marie sent me a lengthy list of all the people I needed to invite--"only the people on this list." I did so. A week or so later, I was awakened at the crack of dawn by a woman I did not know, who yelled and cursed at me for not inviting her to Marie's shower. As I later found out, this was an estranged relative of Marie's who, apparently, was not welcome to attend. It was a jolly ten minutes, mind you, of me babbling incoherently, trying to calm the ranting woman. I was terrified I'd exacerbate whatever family feud into which I'd inadvertently been flung.

Finally, the day of the shower arrived. The tearoom I'd hired was beautiful, the service excellent, the food delicious. Marie was surrounded by her friends and family, and piles of gifts. Strangely, Marie barely spoke to me at the shower, and most of her relatives also ignored me. They appeared to have a lovely time, eating, playing games, and laughing. As the event drew to a close, and people were readying to leave, Marie decided it was time to pack up. At that moment she looked straight at me, *snapped her fingers at me, and said loudly, "Take these things out to my car." I felt a bit like a dog being ordered about, in front of a roomful of people I barely knew. Speechlessly, I did as I was commanded to do. Needless to say, I never received any kind of thanks from Marie. I have vowed to never again host a shower of any kind.

Baby0722-01

After my husband and I attended his only sister's wedding (his whole family live overseas) we were delighted to hear not long after that the newlyweds were expecting their first child. I was in frequent e-mail and phone contact with my Sister -in- Law in the months leading up to the birth and so too my husband was hoping to plan a trip for us to be able to visit shortly after the expected arrival of the baby.

As the time drew closer, I helped out from a distance, buying specific requests of items that my SIL could not get from home, and also keeping an eye out for nice babies clothing too. The expected arrival date for the baby came and passed and we waited to hear the good news from our in-laws. Eventually we did - via a bulk e-mail and almost a week after the birth! We were disappointed at being so left out. My parents in law had presumed the happy father had called us with the good news and of course, wondered at our lack of responsiveness. We had provided 3 contact phone numbers...the only response we got was that he was 'a busy man'! We sent a gift but as of yet, no response at all, although my MIL called to talk about the lovely gifts we had sent. Needless to say we aren't rushing to travel over just yet! And to add to that...we have never received any photos from the wedding either!    Baby0801-01

A dear friend announced that she was adopting a baby a few years ago, so I offered to host a baby shower. She announced that she wanted one large shower rather than several small showers and said that I would be hearing from her friend Debbie, who was coordinating the event. It turns out that eight women total would be co-hostesses, most of whom I know socially but not well. We had a planning lunch where each of us offered to bring food and 2 bottles of wine.

One friend was assigned the task of buying a custom cake from an expensive bakery. All of us decided to contribute for a high-end stroller as our group gift. I left the lunch feeling that the duties and contributions were fairly distributed, looking forward to the shower.

On the day of the shower, we got to the hostess's home. She had ordered an enormous floral arrangement that cost nearly two hundred dollars. Also, she informed us that the 50+ invitations had cost quite a bit more than we'd planned, because she ordered them from the most expensive stationery store in town. She had also purchased the most expensive disposable plates, cutlery, etc. I'd ever seen, which I think is tacky. This from a woman who has china for 24 people. I didn't really take note of this because the hostess is very well-off, while the rest of us are more budget-conscious. I assumed that she intended to foot more of the bill ... WRONG. We arranged the food and wine, all of which was lovely. The cake was beautiful, and the stroller much-appreciated by the mom-to-be. Each of the co-hosts had spent about $150.00 on food and wine - magically, it was all fairly equitable! The next week, I called the primary hostess to ask how much I owed for the stroller. She said, "Oh, I don't know yet, but I'll let you know. Please send me your receipts from your groceries, etc., so I can divide up the costs." Well of course I hadn't saved the damn receipts! I told her approximately how much I'd spent, then waited for several weeks. One day, out of the blue, I received a formal fee statement and letter on the hostess's law firm-employer's letterhead, informing me that my share of the shower costs would be an additional $150.00!!!! That's a total of $2400 for the shower, which wasn't even particularly nice. Only 20 guests attended. It's not as if the food were catered ... we made it ourselves! I was outraged and told the hostess that I hadn't budgeted for that type of expenditure. She had the nerve to send me another bill. Needless to say, I did not receive any hostess gift or thank-you note from the new mother. She was "too busy" with the baby. The lesson? NEVER agree to co-host an event without spelling out the obligations and expectations. One last thing - the hostess kept all of the leftover food and wine, saying she could use it for another party ...

baby0826-01

Years ago, when I was in high school, (I was 15) a friend of mine got pregnant. (also 15)

The boyfriend's aunt hosted a baby shower for them, knowing they didn't have much money, and had recently moved into a TINY apartment.

My b/f and I went out and spent about $150 on a gift. We were thinking "practical", so we chose a large laundry-type basket (to be used later for dirty baby clothes) and completely filled it with all the little things she would need.

As she opened each gift inside, she had a nasty comment. When she opened a bottle of children's Tylenol, she said "What do I need this for?? The baby won't be old enough to use it for a long time". I tried to explain to her that it was a nice thing to have, considering that babies get fevers mainly at night, and most stores are closed.

We weren't sure what kind of bottle she was using, so we bought at least 2 of each kind. When she opened the Playtex nursers, her comment (in front of EVERYONE) was "How the hell can I use this? The bottom's broke".

I blew it off, given the fact that she WAS 15, I assumed she hadn't had much experience with babies.

She even complained that we had individually wrapped each item!!! At one point she said "Just hand me another present, I finish this later".

In the end, it took her 45 minutes to open everything we got her. You have to remember that I was also 15, and my b/f was 17, so to us, $150 was ALOT of money. Needless to say, we left the shower VERY mad.

She is now 27, with 3 children, and she had the nerve to make the comment the last time I saw her that the gift we got her turned out to be the best thing anyone ever got her for a shower. (which, by the way, she had a shower with EVERY baby, even though they weren't that far apart)`    baby1025-01

Sounds to me like she is making a feeble but good hearted attempt to make up for initial ingratitude. Forgive and carry on.

The first thing that I should mention is that my friend came from a very wealthy family and never had to want for anything. I am her "Poor" friend. She calls me when they have financial problems such as having to buy the cheap shampoo one time. I believe that thier financial problems are not due to lack of funds, but mismanagement. She knows that I am still in college and have two kids, and that my husband and I are pretty strapped until I finish college. There is the history.

Well, she was expecting her third child. She had been calling me telling me how she and her husband were going to have a baby shower because they needed stuff and they were broke. (they still had money to go out three nights a week, and to go to elaborate social events) I figured it was no big deal, even though it was a third child, what do I know? When I received an invitation in the mail. I was really surprised to see that her Mother was throwing the shower for her. Hmm. My mom had always told me that that was inappropriate for the mother to throw the shower, but I figured maybe that is just among Irish people or something.

So I went and bought cute baby outfit and a lot of "onesies" as she had told me they desperately needed some. I paid a sitter to watch my kids, as my husband was working that Saturday. I drove to their house in a blizzard and participated in silly games that I hate to have to do, like pin the diaper on the baby.... I kept waiting for them to open gifts so I could leave. I really had to go, I was breast feeding my five-month-old every three hours, and it had been four! I was getting really uncomfortable. The thing kept dragging on, so I started talking to a friend of her mother's. She had mentioned to me that she would be at the shower tomorrow too. I must had looked surprised because she went on to tell me that there was another shower tomorrow that would include mostly older people, her parent's friends. ( a lot of fellow wealthy people)

At that point I was so completely offended that I announced soon that I had to go get my kids. They asked me if I wanted them to open my gift before I left, and I said, "Uh no, that's ok." But they proceeded to dig it out of the huge pile and unwrap it. She tried to compliment me by telling me how practical the gift was. I left soon after and I have never accepted an invitation to any of her "fundraising" events. and they seem to have many.    Baby1112-01

Wow! I love this sight! It is a wonderful place to vent all my in law stories! I recently received a baby shower invitation. Enclosed was 5 registry cards. A note on the inside said only gifts from the registry would be accepted. While this irritated me, I have come to expect it! But, it gets better. I went to a few of the stores this couple was registered at. There are places on the registry sheets for comments from the couple. In that section, there was a note saying if there was nothing listed that we (the shopper) liked cash would be better. Well, that's O.K., but there's more............. We received a phone call two days before the shower. One of the stores this couple was registered at was having a tremendous sale. The new parents wanted to tell everyone that if you bought their gift at that store, they would appreciate if whatever money you saved, because of the sale, you spent on something else for their child, seeing you would have spent it anyway if it was not on sale. Also, FYI this couple lives at home, with her mother, and pay no rent, no bills, and have a free live in baby-sitter!!!!!       Baby0217-01

Recently I attended a baby shower for one of my oldest friends, Amy. The shower was hosted by her Aunt Carolyn and took place in the afternoon at Carolyn's house in the country. Everything was beautiful right up until we moved out to the deck for a toast. Carolyn passed around flutes of sparkling cider and started a long-winded toast to the joys of motherhood.

During this toast, her Irish setter came bounding up on the deck and jumped on me. The soaking wet dog, who had just been swimming in the pond, knocked me into the railing, knocked the flute out of my hand, ripped my dress and covered me with pond water. At this point, the Carolyn just glared at me disapprovingly and continued with her toast. Amy's sister, Linda, rushed over to help me pick up the broken glass and escorted me inside to clean up. My dress was a total loss. It was a thin silk and between the muddy water, tears and claw marks it wasn't even vaguely wearable (especially due to the rather strategic location of one of the tears). Linda loaned me a change of clothes and escorted me back to the party.

When we got back to the party Carolyn pulled me aside and demanded to know why I was wearing her clothes. I was stunned as Rosemary is much larger than I am and I had assumed the loaners were Carrie's. When I explained what happened Carolyn got quite upset. She rather loudly declared that Linda shouldn't have loaned out her things and demanded her outfit back (with a snarky comment about how I shouldn't borrow clothes if I can't even take care of my own). She also informed me that I was terribly rude to make such a commotion during the toasts and told me how much the broken flute had supposedly cost. Carolyn's price for the flute was rather generous. Unbeknownst to her I am very familiar with that particular pattern. It is my sister's. As she is still filling out her set, I watch the stores for sales on that pattern regularly. The price quoted was almost twice the highest full retail price I've seen anywhere.

I was just flabbergasted and more than ready to go home at this point. I ran out to my car, grabbed my gym bag and changed into my exercise clothes. I returned the loaned clothes, said my good-byes and left quickly. By the time I got home, there was a nasty message on my answering machine demanding the cost of the broken flute and accusing me of ruining the shower. Over the course of the next few days I received several more messages from Carolyn that were no kinder than the first (and found out how to order call blocking). Carolyn was thoroughly convinced that I ruined the shower with my "prima donna antics" and that I owed her for the flute I "recklessly broke." I also learned more about the soggy, overzealous canine. According to both Amy and Linda, the dog has accosted other guests in a similar fashion at past events. Apparently it is wise to be on the other side of the crowd from Fluffy. I also learned that their family considers Carolyn to be "difficult." I suppose that is a kind way of putting it.

Baby0810-01

My college roommate and I were hosting a baby shower for our other roommate at her house (she lives in a different city). About a month before the shower I asked her if she had anything she really wanted us to serve at the shower. At the time she said no, then 2 weeks later we receive this following. I don't think I've never NOT been able to respond to an email, but this was just unbelievable.

We both immediately called her about this and to our surprise and even to this day she doesn't think she was in the wrong. I can't wait until she gets to host a shower for me....... Here is her email :

So I was driving on this beautiful day listening to "Ode to the Sun King" from Abby Rd and I just had all kinds of thoughts on food. I Kept thinking I want fare that is cool, fresh, crisp, stuff like that. Who knows of a good bakery? Get some fresh rolls or loaves of bread--white, wheat, sourdough are good. Honey ham and smoked turkey cold cuts. I know lots of people like salami roast so that's fine if you want to bother. Then dressings: mustard, spice mustard, sweet mustard (not that French's crap) mayo (light is fine but NOT fat free). Lettuce, tom, a little onion, dill pickles, bread and butter pickles (I have a good tray for this), olives. Deviled eggs, potato salad (Sam's is the best if no one can home-make). Ruffles in a bowl. Sliced cheese, but good cheese from a deli, nothing that comes individually wrapped. White American and a good fairly strong cheddar are my favorites. A small veggie tray with some ranch dipping would be fine, but I wouldn't overdue it. I want chicken salad. While it's true I've never tried it I've never nothing but great things about it, and I've been craving it. And we'll have that fresh bread to push it around with. And most importantly I want a huge fruit salad! No crappy dressing stuff, just fruit. No cantalope! I want pineapple, strawberries, apples, papaya, kiwi, blueberries, honeydew, red seedless grapes that have been cut once. If one of these fruits is not in season and we wouldn't get good selections, skip it. If there is something else that is succulent and in season throw it in. I love every fruit except cantalope. Bananas are okay but they get brown so fast so skip them. I don't want to turn on the oven except to reheat things. I am already hot all the time and I could not bear to have that oven on during the heat of the day. If anyone needs to bake something let me do it the night before or early that morning. For drinks I want iced tea and cokes. I have one cooler and can use , so I can have coolers and ice ready. Bottled water is fine but expensive so I understand if you want to skip it. I'll have a pitcher of filtered water in the fridge also. I have a huge insulated jug-cooler thing I can make a bunch of iced tea in. If you guys are thinking punch please let me know b/c I love my Mom's punch recipe more than any other and I'll pass it on. Fresh bread ,meats ,cheeses ,dressings ,relish tray (sandwich veggies), small veggie tray,potato salad ,chips, fruit salad!, tea ,sodas.

This stuff is not coming from a bossy place, but from and INSPIRED place. I just finally made up my mind and had a few (many) opinions. I hope it's early enough that food plans aren't going to be pain to change. I'll try not to gush my thanks again to you guys for doing all this but it's hard b/c I really do feel very grateful. So thanks! At countrylane.com there are Peter Rabbit plates and stuff. I don't know how expensive they are, it might be unpractical, in which case skip it. I have plenty of serving utensils and enough forks/spoons/knives for everyone unless you guys want to go plastic, which is again fine. thanks again!     baby0509-01

My Aunt who is a big show off, decided to throw a baby show for her grandson and his girlfriend. She had it at the VFW and invited all her friends from work, church and distant relatives. Many of these people did not know the grandson, girlfriend, much less her son. This was the couples' third shower so my aunt wanted to out do the others. She ordered a tiered cake that resembled a wedding cake. She sent out beautiful invitations but on the invitation she listed their full names and it implied that that they were unmarried. Nonetheless at the baby shower she was introducing the girl as her granddaughter. Because they had so many people there, the games were really awkward. They took up way too much time. Opening up the presents took 2 hours!! They received so many things. When they opened up my aunts gift she announced "it's a Tommy, or it's a Polo", as if the baby cared. Afterwards the couple went around passing out preprinted Thank you notes! This again was my aunt's idea, which brings me to my point if you do not want to take the time of writing thank you notes then do not invite so many people. Incidentally, presents were still arriving at my aunt's house for the baby weeks after the shower and it took her 2 months after the birth of the baby to give them to her. Needless to say those people did not even get a preprinted Thank you note!!

baby0219-02

Recently one of my husband's nieces (let's call her giggles) was pregnant and expecting twins. One of her cousins offered to give her a baby shower. Well when giggles and her mother showed up at the cousins house with the list of invitees, imagine her shock when there was 150 names on the list. It was decided that since the mother-to-be was moving about 4 hours from home that only one party would be thrown so she wouldn't have to come back and forth.

Mind you now the cousin giving the shower has two small children of her own. After much discussion, the list was decreased to 104 invitations. The grandmother-to-be rented a hall at the fairgrounds by their house. Thankfully, when I found out how many people had been invited, I realized that there would be no silly games and such. However, I was quite surprised upon showing up approximately 20 minutes after the shower was to begin, the mother-to-be was already opening presents. Most of the food had already be eaten (no big deal there as I wasn't planning on eating, but there wasn't even enough for the other guests. Needless to say, I didn't stick around much longer after the gifts were opened. Three months have now gone by, the twins are due next month, and still no thank you note. Yesterday I found the following note in the mail:

We're sorry we couldn't be with you

But we're terribly busy you see

Painting our eyes, our cheeks, and our

Hair so our mother will be proud of we

We're sending this little message

To convey to you this little thought

The stork will soon have left us

To use the gifts you bought

We thank you for the welcome

You've given us today

And when you see the stork fly by

You'll know we've come to stay

Be sure to come and see us

As soon as we get here

Just give our mother time

To dress us up, my dear

And so we thank you from our heart

For each lovely gift for we

Because when we're left with mother

We'll not be dressed, you see.

The cousin who threw the shower sat up there and wrote down who was there and who gave what. Why bother when a generic letter as above was sent and the mother-to-be didn't even take the time to personally sign them.

baby0416-02

I got an invitation to a baby shower in the mail the other day. The shower is for a "second-time" mom-to-be. I don't mind celebrating for a second (or third, or fourth) child -- all are wonderful events to celebrate. To give the hostess *some* credit, the shower asked for freezer casseroles instead of "gifts"....but....all credibility was lost when I read the small slip of paper attached to the invitation (I've taken the liberty of correcting the spelling and grammatical errors)

"Shhh...One more thing -- its a surprise. In addition to your gift, please bring an already-written thank you note to yourself in an envelope with your address on it. All XXXX will have to do is sign them. We'll put them in a bowl and give them to her at the shower -- it may be the best gift of all!"

Hmm...writing my own thank you note...I don't think so!     baby0625-02

I truly feel for the woman who wrote about being invited to baby showers etc. while everyone knew she was having fertility difficulties, however my story falls on the other side of the issue. A co-worker ("Jennifer") had her first child about five years ago. Although everyone was very happy for her, there was a lot of talk around the office of how obnoxious it was to hear every detail of her pregnancy every single day. Despite this annoyance we all gave her a nice shower and made sure we sent her flowers when the baby was born.

About a year later when I announced I was pregnant with my first child I was reminded how obnoxious Jennifer's constant chatter had been and was kindly asked to keep my conversation "business-like" as much as possible. I only shared my joy with people when directly asked. Some co-workers hosted a low-key luncheon with a few gifts for the baby and I thought this was very kind of them. My husband and I were blessed with a second child before our first turned two.

During my second pregnancy I was again reminded to keep my conversation "business-like". Not only was the idea of constant chatter an annoyance to others, but it seemed that Jennifer and her husband had been trying to conceive a second child and were having trouble. Because my office and Jennifer's office are adjacent to each other, it was not unusual, if you were listening, to catch pieces of conversation floating around. Whenever someone would come into my office and ask about the new baby, Jennifer would get up and slam her door. Sometimes it would remain closed for the rest of the day while she talked on the phone with her mother or sister for the rest of the day. There was no office shower or luncheon for my second child. An office policy had been set up whereby there shouldn't be any parties specifically for certain people since someone else would be likely to get their feeling hurt (and at the time I didn't mind because I don't like to be made a fuss over). Several co-workers left cards on my desk and one sent a beautiful hand-made gift after the baby was born.

The next year Jennifer started fertility treatments and we got to hear every detail about them... leading up to the point when she announced she was pregnant. From that moment on we heard nothing but baby chatter. About a month before she was due the office catered a shower for her, including inviting the close female members of her family. How lovely for her! But shouldn't office policy apply to everyone in the office?    baby0621-02

At my Baby Shower I received two different stroller/car seat combos. One was from my best friend and she had taken it out of the box and filled with a lot of smaller items (as a note this particular seat/stroller was also in the print of the baby's nursery) the other was from my sister in law and it was still in the box. I chose to keep the one from my friend and exchange the other one for items that I did not receive (my sister in law was ok with this) .

A friend of mine who was unable to attend the shower called me the following day to ask about the shower and what I had received I explained how I had gotten the two seat/stroller combos and how I was going to exchange one, she got angry with me because she felt that since I was "blessed" (her word) I should give the other one away namely to her younger sister who was due one month after me . I of course said no because I still needed things and it was a gift from my family and that I was not sure they would appreciate me giving it away. I also pointed out that I was not friends with her sister and I was certainly not going to give her a $150.00 gift. She gave up but was a little miffed. As an added bonus she has since called me once a week since the birth of my daughter to see if I would be willing to give all of my daughters outgrown clothes to her sisters daughter because we aren't using them anymore. Never mind the fact that I want more children and I may use them soon, never mind the fact that I have never even seen her niece or that I never even got a congratulations when I gave birth I am just supposed to part with hundreds of dollars worth of my baby items . The nerve!!!!     baby0528-02

I love your website! Here's what happened to me when some of my in-laws decided to throw a baby shower for me. My sisters-in-law "Erica" and "Jackie" decided that they wanted to throw me a baby shower after my husband and I announced we were expecting our first child. ("Erica" is my husband's sister and "Jackie" is married to my husband's brother.)

On several occasions "Erica" and "Jackie" talked about doing a shower, but neither of them wanted to hold the shower at their homes. ("Erica" felt her home was too small and "Jackie" felt her home was too far away.) So, while they were excited about doing a shower, it seemed that no one really wanted to offer their home as a location. In all honesty, I didn't even want them to throw a baby shower for me. I'd had some bad experiences with them during my wedding and just didn't want to think about them doing a baby shower.

Despite my telling them that they didn't really need to do this, they decided to throw the baby shower at "Erica's" mom's house ("Leslie"), who is also my mother-in-law. "Leslie" and my husband's father "Larry" had been divorced for several years (almost 20), and even though "Leslie" had remarried, she still acted like a victim about the divorce. The problem was that "Erica" asked me to put together a guest list. Since no one on "Larry's" side of the family was offering to do a baby shower, I thought it would be nice to invite some of them to this shower as I truly wanted them to share in the experience, i.e. friends of the family, some cousins, etc. (This was not simply a ploy to get more gifts. My husband and I are well off and were planning on buying whatever we needed for our child.)

Now, I didn't think this would be a problem because "Leslie" had recently hosted a bridal shower for "Erica" and a baby shower for "Jackie" to which these same people had been invited. But I guess when it came to me, "Leslie" decided it was a problem for her to have these people in her home because, after all, she was so hurt from the divorce! So, after I gave "Erica" a list of about 25 names, I assumed that all 25 of them would be invited. About two days before the baby shower, "Erica" called me at work and said, "We aren't having that many people at the shower." When I asked her why, she proceeded to tell me that she didn't think it was appropriate for "Larry's" family friends to be at "Leslie's" house. Never mind that these same people had been invited for the bridal showers for "Erica" and "Jackie"!

So "Erica" explained to me that she had taken the liberty of EDITING my guest list and had only invited those people who she felt were appropriate to be at "Leslie's" home. On the day of the baby shower, only very few people were there - "Erica", "Jackie," "Leslie," myself, my husband and a few of "Leslie's" friends (not really my friends). Let's just say it was not a fun afternoon. "Leslie" kept lamenting about how she didn't understand why people didn't come and all I wanted to do was say "Well, your idiot daughter decided to edit the guest list and invited who she wanted to invite."

As a side note, "Leslie" became very angry with me when she was not invited to a baby shower thrown by my coworkers at my office (which is in a secure building and you have to be an employee with cleared access to even get in the building). "Leslie" proclaimed that the mother-in-law should ALWAYS be invited to EVERY SINGLE SHOWER. Of course, "Leslie" didn't say this to my face, but through her daughter "Erica". It was "Erica" who called and said, "You really should have invited her to your shower at your office." Thinking that "Erica" might get a clue, I said, "Gosh, I don't think that would have been appropriate." Needless to say, the comment went right over her head. Further, when I went to the hospital to deliver our baby, my husband and I were very firm about who we wanted to be in the room with us and it did NOT include "Leslie" despite how much groveling Leslie did to get into the room. When the nurses basically barred her from coming into our room during my very hard labor, "Leslie" got upset and left, spouting off about how this was a very important moment in HER life and that I should not deny her the right to be there. What right??? I don't need my mother-in-law videotaping my crotch!

"Erica" is now expecting her first baby (due in November). She's told everyone except for me and my husband (her brother). But we found out about it anyway. I'm thinking I might offer to throw a baby shower for her, at "Leslie's" house, so I can edit the guest list. And I can bet that "Leslie" will be videotaping "Erica's crotch" in full living color!!!      baby0520-02

At work this morning I received an email with a Power Point presentation attached to it. Knowing that the PPP will take up my whole screen and interfere with my immediate task, and as it was from someone I did not know I saved it for later. Well I am glad I did because reading it was a waste of my time. It was a baby shower invitation from someone I did not know FOR someone I don't know. Apparently they figured they would get the best turn out (read gifts) if they sent the presentation to the entire office with a request at the end to "Bring Food". I'm not going with food or without!    baby0511-02

My husband and I got married this past August. We were both told on our wedding day that his sister "Joanne" (my new sister-in-law) was 8 weeks pregnant! We were overjoyed at the prospect of becoming an aunt and uncle, and proceeded to inquire about her health, gave her little gifts and a card, etc. and pretty much were supportive of her after the wedding.

However, much to our own shock and joy, we soon found ourselves also expecting 2 1/2 months later! We had to adjust to the news at first because we weren't expecting to get pregnant so soon, especially since we had thought we would have problems conceiving, much less so quickly! So, once we were comfortable that we weren't going to miscarry, we told our parents. Both parents were overjoyed, or so we thought... Later, we realized that this was causing a rift in my husband's family, as Joanne's pregnancy progressed, and shower plans were made for her, since she had been married for 4 years (note that my husband only has one sibling-his sister, and she is the oldest, and a bit spoiled) and we were "newly married" and not expected to have a baby so soon.

Being the new family member, I bent over backwards wanting to help with Joanne's shower. I'm good on the computer, so I made her special games using my graphic abilities, and also made her special nametags (on expensive paper) for each person attending to be added to the favors. On the day of her shower, my husband and I arrived early (earlier than Joanne and her husband even) and began helping set up the shower; we even had picked up the balloons! During the shower, they asked me to write down all the gifts that were given on a sheet of paper, which I did dutifully (even on the cards).

This was hard for me since I still had trouble with the names of everyone in this new family, but I thought that maybe this duty was given to me because I was finally "fitting in." Many people at the shower noticed that I had also started showing, and had told my husband and I that they were looking forward to seeing me again in a few months at our shower. We didn't want to take away Joanne's "moment" so we sidestepped the issue as much as possible and talked of Joanne's pregnancy and how happy we were for her. We had bought Joanne an expensive gift, and I had taken special care wrapping it as well.

Fast forward to a couple weeks later.. my husband asks his mom if they are ready to throw a shower for us too (my mom had already started planning a separate baby shower for me for our side, since the moms had found during the wedding planning the year before that they are different people, with different tastes). Instead, they had decided not to, without even asking us how we felt about it first! They felt it would be "too much to ask the relatives to come back for another shower so soon after Joanne's." Okay, 4 months after the first shower isn't that soon, is it? Also, instead of a shower, they wanted to pay for the crib we had ordered instead, and wanted to "drop it off some time." So, no shower, not even a nice dinner out to give us their gift and to celebrate our new baby. Moreover, I was extremely hurt that my husband's side of the family wasn't going to have a chance to celebrate this new life with us, as we didn't even expect the same number of people to be invited to a small shower for us as had been for Joanne's, just the closer relatives my husband cared about. And remember that so many had told us they wanted to come at Joanne's shower.

On top of it, my husband and I both work, so money wasn't the issue at all, but when my husband told his parents of his hurt, they said, "if you want us to have a shower, you might not get as many gifts $$) as you think!" As if the darn money was what we cared about!! To add insult to injury, Joanne gets into the rift, giving us a lecture on "it's SOOoo much to ask people to give up a Saturday or a Sunday for a shower".. (Apparently, her beautiful shower and the time those invited had spent was fine for HER to ask for, but not us) and how my husband should be thankful for everything his parents had EVER done for him (they helped you with school, etc.).

So, talk about a hypocrite! I couldn't believe that this same person who had a beautiful outpouring of love from her family just a month before would deny her own brother the same thing for his first child. And I felt used because I had worked so hard helping her with her shower wrongly assuming that they were going to be there for my husband and me too. My parents were so upset that they almost didn't even invite my husband's mother and Joanne to the shower they are throwing for us. We'll see how it goes..it's in two weeks. What I've learned is, don't expect much from the in-laws, and if you are expected to BE a guest, act like one.

baby0423-02

My father in law recently called my home to inquire as to why I had not RSVP'd to my sister in laws baby shower. First, I had not received an invitation. Secondly, this is my sister in laws second child and both children are of the same gender and I did not realize that having a shower for a second child was "kosher" in terms of proper etiquette. Third, even if I had received the invitation it was so inappropriate for her to invite me to begin with as my twins had just passed away due to neo-natal death just two months earlier. Lastly, my father in law was not hosting the shower and I am wondering why my sister in law or the hostess of the event could not have followed up with me on my lack of RSVP? Guess she shows not just a lack of etiquette, but also human decency!      Baby1114-02

Many years ago, my mother's friends arranged for a shower when she was expecting my eldest sister. It took her years to be able to laugh about the gift from her MIL- a large red bound book on birth control. It's also worth bearing in mind, this was the early 1960's, and my mother is a very traditional practicing Catholic.

Baby1112-02

I work in a female-dominated profession and as such the majority of my colleagues are women. Anyway, I always thought I had a firm handle on female communication, but maybe I don't after all. To get to the story, one of my co-workers was expecting a child, and another co-worker called me and invited me to a "get-together" for the expectant mother. A "get-together," she said, and even further clarified that it was not a baby shower and not to bring a gift. Dumbly, naively, I arrived without a gift. Well, I don't know what she told the other guests, but of course they all arrived with beautiful gifts for the mother-to-be, and I had to sit there empty-handed, feeling like a complete idiot.       Baby1011-02

Being that my pregnancy is considered a "miracle" to my family and friends since I was told for years I would never have a child of my own (and I got pregnant out of the blue), my shower was planned as a VERY special event by my two best friends in the world. In the beginning, my family and close friends were the only ones invited. I also invited 3 to 4 women from a discussion group I belong to, but chose not to invite all of the women (about 20 altogether) since I didn't know a lot of them very well and refused to invite people just for the gifts. It was becoming a family reunion, of sorts, so the people who were invited were people I knew well and wanted them to be a part of such a special day.

The "leader" of this discussion group (who I am close to and who was invited) asked if I could include the rest of the women by, at least, inviting them, pointing out that one of our goals is to reach out to each other and stick by each other, through the good times and the bad. This was one of those good times that, if I were willing, I could share with them and have an opportunity to grow closer to them. I agreed with her and made an announcement during one of our meetings, stating that my shower was just around the corner and all those who were open to attending were invited to come. I was sure to explain how special the occasion would be and make sure that they knew that a gift was not expected, especially since we didn't know each other that well, telling them that being there would be a gift in itself (and meaning it!).

After the meeting, almost all of the women came up to me, excitedly, and said that they were definitely going to come and asked that I send them an invitation for the address and directions. I confirmed with each of them that they would be attending the shower that night, and all of them RSVP'd at that time. Needless to say, I was excited that they would be coming! I wanted to bridge the gap between my family life and my life that revolves around this discussion group, and this was my opportunity!

My two best friends went out and purchased more invitations (20 more), more thank-you cards, bought more prizes for the games, and doubled the food they ordered. We sent out all of the invitations within 48 hours after that last meeting, with the knowledge that each of them had all already RSVP'd.

A week before the shower, two of the girls I had originally invited called to say that they got scheduled to work, even though they asked for the day off, and wouldn't be able to make it, yet sent their well wishes for a great baby shower. And, unfortunately, the "leader" of my discussion group called me two nights before the shower to inform me that her father had had a massive heart attack and would not be able to make it, as well. I expressed my sorrow for her and told her not to worry about it. I thanked each of them for calling me, personally, and letting me know they wouldn't be coming.

The day of the shower was a beautiful one! I walked into where the shower was being held and saw the faces of my family members I hadn't seen in several years! It was the start of what would be a wonderful day! An hour later, one of the girls from my discussion group showed up (the only other woman I had originally invited with the rest of my family and friends), explaining that she was late because she agreed to pick up the "leader's" gifts on the way over, and then asked where the other women from our discussion group were. I said that I was going to ask her the same thing. It turned out that she became the only woman from our group to show.

I didn't allow the fact that every one of the 15 to 20 women in my discussion group, who (excitedly) RSVP'd, failed to show, or call to say that they were not attending, bother me on my special day. I refused. My family and (especially) my two best friends who threw me the shower knew something was wrong when we had SO much food on hand, which ended up being divided up among several of the people who stayed to visit after all the festivities were over. I cried for two days afterwards (and being pregnant doesn't help), realizing that there was a reason I didn't invite all of the women to begin with, the biggest one being that we don't know each other well. And you don't count on people you don't know very well, regardless of what they say.

I ended up seeing a couple of the women who RSVP'd and didn't show or call a few days later. One said, "Was that THIS past Sunday!! Oops! I can't believe I forgot!! hahaha! Well, now you'll get a REALLY good gift from me!" I just asked her not to bother since it wasn't the gift I was interested in, in the first place. The other one just laughed nervously and said that she didn't know what she had done with the invitation, and didn't bother to apologize. The "leader" of our discussion group made an announcement to the rest of the women during a meeting I chose not to attend, expressing her disappointment and shock over what had happened and suggested that each of them call me and apologize. It's been almost a month since my shower and I have, yet, to receive one of those phone calls. I thanked our "leader" and told her it was unnecessary for her to make such a suggestion since I knew nothing like this would ever happen again. When she asked me what I meant by that, I told her, "The first time it happens, shame on them. The second time it happens, shame on me." I won't be inviting them to any of my personal events again.     Baby0924-02

I attended a baby shower for a friend's second child given by her mother. The shower was a luncheon, scheduled for noon. At 2:00 we were still waiting for an aunt to arrive and people were starving, but politely. The mother-to-be ate in the kitchen out of our view (to be fair, she was pregnant.) About 2:30 my friend left the shower because her mother had scheduled her a pedicure. I knew no one else at the shower but thought I should be a good sport and stay on until lunch or my friend came back. At 3:00 the mother decided she should put the food in the oven, even though the aunt had not arrived. The guests were near fainting. At 4:00 "lunch" was finally served; my friend had not returned from her pedicure. I ate and left. Later my friend chastised me for not staying for the cake, when she couldn't even stay to spend time with her guests.     Baby0921-02

I did not know "Vicky" very well, but we were both pregnant and scheduled to deliver at about the same time and when she invited me to her shower, I bought a nice gift and went.

And the very next year, when Vicky gave birth again, I bought another nice gift and attended the second shower. (Didn't she already have everything from the first baby?)

But I really have to draw the line at the third baby shower - in three years!- which was held as a brunch at a very pricey restaurant. Immediately after we ate and she opened her third round of gifts, she announced that the brunch had been a no-host, so please pay up!

I sure hope she practices some family planning because that was the last Vicky shower for me.   Baby0727-02

We have these acquaintances, let's call them Ann and Mike, who are widely acknowledged to be "social buffaloes". We are used to all sorts of egregious behavior from them but this was really beyond the pale.

After several years of trying, Ann and Mike finally were expecting a child. Since this had involved a lot of medical procedures, we were all very happy for them.

Then came the issue of the baby shower. We got an email from Ann saying that since so many of their family and friends were spread about the country, what she decided to do was have a "room decorating" shower. This email was evidently sent to everyone in their email address book, including our minister. A friend of hers who is a decorator figured out what they needed and put it on a website in order to coordinate things. The list was things like wallpaper borders, paint, drop cloths, and a couple of textile-type crafts. Mind you, this was several months before the baby was due. We then proceeded to get biweekly harangues from Jane, the decorator, reminding us that "some people" still had not signed up, and adding, in essence, if we were too craft-impaired to make some of the "easy" decorations, we could buy supplies. I finally sent back an "unsubscribe" message. Checking the website periodically, it was clear that this stage did not go well.

Then came stage two: The actual decorating "party". Another set of emails. It is fine to ask people to paint the baby's room, but calling it a party, and asking people to sign up for particular tasks was a bit odd. Of course there were a couple of "reminders" that there was still time to sign up, and that those of us who had, unfathomably, not "gifted" the baby with nursery decorations, could contribute their labor instead.

A few weeks after that, there was the "real" shower for all those non-decorating needs of the baby.

Finally, and joyfully, several months later, the baby was born. But wait, a few weeks after, a shower was thrown for another couple who were expecting, and that got co-opted into a joint shower for them and Ann and Mike's child.

 Baby0709-02

My friend S. from Jr. High got pregnant the summer of our junior year in high school. Tough break, obviously. I didn't think it was a bad thing when our friend F. decided to throw a baby shower. I mean, just because S. was young and not married didn't mean the baby wouldn't be loved, and all the gifts would really help her out financially. Anyway, I love F., but the shower turned out truly tacky. All of the invitees were high school students, and friends of S., but many of them brought their boyfriends, like it was some kind of PARTY. Oh, and did I mention the shower was held at a pizza place??? So most of the boyfriends spent the night trying to buy beer, while S. just sort of looked really mortified. I felt terrible for her.

 Baby0705-02

We had a baby shower for my friend who is like a sister to me. It was difficult for we had to hide all information about her from her biological father. He was a terrible man, who did terrible things to her when she was growing up. She and her husband were living (hiding) with me at the time. She was expected to testify against her father not long after the baby's due date.

Her aunt and grandmother had been invited to the shower. They bought several nice gifts for the baby. I did not like either of them, but for my friends sake put up with them. However during the shower they both tried to talk my friend into not testifying against her father. The rest of us there told them to stop or leave. We all knew what her father had done to her. My friend in spite of what has happened to her, remains a wonderful and kind person. She asked us to let them stay and Pastor agreed.

After the baby was born the aunt requested to baby-sit several times. The State Attorney was also having my friend testify at this time. Her father on the last day my friend testified went to see our Pastor's a husband and wife team. He wanted them to persuade her not to testify anymore against him. He threatened the baby. We found out to our horror that the aunt had been taking the baby to see my friend's father. He also knew they were living with me.

The State Attorney Lawyer upon finding out from our Pastor's these facts told my friend that she, her husband and the baby would have to disappear. It was my job and our Pastor's to keep everyone from knowing as long as we could. I did not even have time to go home and say good-bye. They grabbed everything they could on their way out the door as the State Attorney's Office took them away. I arrived home that night as unhappy as I could ever remember being. Before the night was over I was furious.

Her aunt came over. She wanted my friend to return the shower gifts from her and her mother. I said they are not home right now. Her aunt said well let me in to get the stuff. I told her to leave. The next night a police car drove up with her aunt behind them. The police officer who I knew said they only came along to keep her from causing me trouble. She had told them that I had her and her mother's property in my house and she wanted it back. I told the police officer the facts and that I wanted that women off my property. If my problems with them continued the police officer told me do it legal don't lose your temper. My temper is famous here. I ended up having to file charges against my friend's aunt. She wouldn't leave off. Where are they I want my stuff etc. The police and my Pastor have helped me get them to leave me alone. I haven't seen my friend or the baby since.  Baby1008-02