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The Dating Game

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Here’s a lovely little "dating" tale from my freshman year of college... I met "Andy" through his cousin, who was my neighbor in the dorms. We clicked right away, and after a few dates he still seemed kind, intelligent, and funny. He received an invitation to dinner at his friends’ house, "Bob" and "Irma", and asked me if I would like to join him. Sure! He picked me up (I had not car) and proceeded to drive to the worst and scariest part of town, a good half hour from my school. No problem, as long as he knows where he’s going, and obviously he considered his friends good people. 

We pulled up to an extremely run-down apartment complex, and Bob and Irma seemed nice enough, if not a little rough around the edges. Their seven year old son "Spencer" was there too. Immediately upon our arrival, Bob pulled Andy aside and had a hushed exchange, and then Andy quietly informed me that Bob had requested that Andy go see his friend "Pablo" and score some marijuana. It won’t take long, just a ten minute drive to Pablo’s apartment and then right back. Now I had no idea Andy was involved with pot, and being a fairly white-bread country girl I was a bit freaked out by the idea of being with someone while they bought drugs, but I was more scared to be left alone in the apartment with Bob and Irma, so I said I’d come along. 

If it was possible, Pablo’s apartment was in an even worse part of town. We went in and I was introduced to Pablo and his girlfriend "Rita", who informed me her ten month old daughter was asleep in the bedroom. To my horror, Andy and Pablo headed for the door, saying they would be right back. Without a word, he abandoned me in this scummy apartment with a large woman who I knew nothing about. It turns out that I shouldn’t have worried about making conversation with Rita, because as soon as the guys left, she launched into a detailed and unbroken commentary about herself and her life. She was actually quite a nice person, and it was obvious to me that she had basically been locked in this apartment since the birth of her child and had had very little contact with anyone her age beside Pablo. She went on and on about the minute details of her life, never once inviting me to speak by asking a question. She informed me that she had just had the flu, and during the course of her conversation, she would stop and hack up a wad of phlegm that she scraped from her tongue with the same Kleenex over and over. 

After about an hour there was a thump from the bedroom, which was her daughter falling off the bed. She retrieved her daughter and continued to speak. After about two hours, Andy and Pablo finally returned. By this time I was scared out of my wits and just wanted to go home and get away from the whole ugly scene, but Andy said he had to drop the marijuana by Bob and Irma’s house first. When we got to their apartment, they were apologetic about the "errand" taking so long, and had already prepared dinner. I was starving, and the pork chop was very good. While Andy and I ate, Irma rolled a joint and smoked it in front of her son. 

Making a quick exit after thanking them for dinner, Andy knew that I was done, and while driving me home he makes a desperate attempt to say something that would make me want to see him again. I pick up on something strange that he said, and after some well-placed questioning on my part, he admits that he had homosexual relations with his best friend a few months prior. This revelation is supposed to make me want to see him again? He continued to call me after that night, and I finally had ask his cousin to please tell him to leave me alone. I still have to laugh when I think about my "drug run" date.


 This incident happened to me many years ago, and while not nearly as bad as some stories I have read on your site, is certainly worth a chuckle.   When I was single, I invited my neighbors, a nice married couple, to my apartment for dinner.  I am, and was at the time, a very good cook.  The husband of my neighbor said that he worked with a fellow he thought might be fun for me to date, so I thought it would be nice to invite him to our dinner.   This individual, whom I shall refer to as "jerk," arrived, and appeared to be relatively normal, but as the course of the evening proceeded, it was obvious why he didn't date much.  I served our dinner, shish-ka-bobs on a bed of rice pilaf accompanied by a green salad. While everyone else was enjoying the meal, "jerk" examined each and everything on his plate, repeatedly asking "what is this?"  He even looked under the leaves of the salad, again asking "what is this?"    I couldn't resist answering his last query with "poison."  He gave me a strange look and put his fork down and wouldn't touch another thing (he had hardly eaten a bite anyway).  I would have expected this type of behavior from a 5-year old child, not an adult.  Needless to say, I never saw him again.



I wasn't a social butterfly in high school, but I wasn't desperate enough to go on a second date with this guy. "Erik" was a friend of mine and when he asked me out, I said yes. He picked me up from my parents' house and drove me to a moderately nice restaurant. It's not very expensive, but certainly not cheap. We ordered and talked and ate. Everything was going fine, until the bill came. He sheepishly explained that he'd saved up money for the date but had spent it on "a gift" for me. I'm the kind of girl who is always prepared to pay her own way, so I paid for both our meals. He asked if I wanted to do something else, drive around or see a movie (that I would have to pay for!) but I just asked him to take me home. He never did give me that gift.



In my freshman year of high school I was "sort of" dating a young man by the name of Joe.  Our relationship was a pretty unhealthy one with plenty of problems, but the coup de grace occurred when he asked me to the homecoming dance.  He and two of his best friends, Will and Adam, had big plans for our group of friends.  They wanted to rent a limo and go to a very fancy restaurant for dinner, and possibly even go back to someone's house afterwards for a late night party.  My mother, upon hearing the plans, told me I wasn't allowed to participate.  She explained to  me that, in her opinion, the boys were lavishing too much attention on our freshman homecoming.  She thought it was excessive and pointless because by the time we got to senior prom all the magic of limos and fancy restaurants would've become common.  It probably sounded a lot better when she explained it, but by the time she was done, I totally agreed with her.  She said she was willing to drive us, and if they wanted to choose a less formal restaurant or even come to our house for a casual dinner, that'd be fine.  I thought that was totally reasonable.  Apparently Joe did not.  When I explained it all to him, all he said was "Ok" and I kept waiting for him to call me with revised plans for the evening.  He never did, instead opting to simply go with Will and Adam and their dates to the fancy restaurant and leave me at home, yet still expect me to meet up with him at the dance.

Ironically the night of the dance was a lot of fun for me and not much fun at all for him.  I refused to sit at home and sulk, so I invited my best friend Erika over.  We ate homemade pizza for dinner with my parents, and gossiped as we dressed and put on our make-up.  At the dance I spent the majority of my time with my girl friends dancing and having a blast.  As for Joe and his buddies, the limo plan did not work out for some reason, Will and his date got lost driving to the restaurant, and Joe and Adam sat for an hour by themselves in the restaurant while the couple next to them whispered about how cute it was "that the two gay boys over there felt so comfortable and open about their relationship to go out on a date together."

I ought to have broken up with Joe after that, but things got even better after that night.  About a week after the dance, Joe came to me feeling quite indignant saying both his mother and mine had gotten together and talked about how they wanted us to break up.  I was shocked and I didn't want to believe it, but it sounded somewhat plausible since my mom didn't really like the fact that I had a "steady boyfriend" at the young age of 14 and would've preferred to see me meet and be friends with lots of different people.  I confronted her about it and she explained that she had run into Joe's mother a while ago and she had wanted an explanation as to why I couldn't go in the limo with other kids the night of the dance.  My mom explained to her exactly what she explained to me, but Joe's mother didn't seem to understand and kept asking, "So you don't approve?"  

Now the story gets a little fuzzy.  I'm pretty convinced Joe's mother hated me and thought I was a tramp who would corrupt her innocent baby, but whether she genuinely misunderstood my mom's explanation or whether she twisted my mom's words is unclear, but Joe was convinced my mom wanted us to break up.  I told him my mom's story and he flatly replied that she was lying.  I was totally taken aback.  How dare he!  I asked why on earth would she lie to me, and he said it was because she didn't want the blame.  I got quite angry at him, naturally, and said I didn't have any reason not to believe my mom to which he said I was wrong and she was lying.  It was too much, that was the final straw and I broke up with him on the spot.  Goodbye and good riddance!


Recently I had asked a date/friend to see a particular movie with me. She responded by saying that she would like to see a different movie.       I felt that she was rude to change the move because I was calling her with something specific in mind and made that clear. I would not have objected to seeing "her" movie on a different night, and I also made that clear, but she refused.       Was that rude??? Or was it me?    



I had just turned 17 when one of my friends gave my phone number to a friend of her boyfriend. I had never met this guy, and had no idea she'd given him my number. Apparently he'd just ended a long relationship (he was still in high school) and she felt sorry for him, so she thought maybe he and I would hit it off.

He called my house one Sunday afternoon and introduced himself. We actually talked for quite a while, and he agreed to meet me at the department store I worked part-time at after school the next day. I was pretty excited.

He came in the store about an hour before closing and we talked some more (it was pretty slow) and made plans to get dinner after I got off work.

He drove us to Taco Bell. I was really looking forward to dinner. I was absolutely starving. So this guy parks his car in the very back of the parking lot and leans over for a kiss. I wasn't expecting that, but we seemed to have a good, uh, connection, so I wasn't complaining. We didn't stay very long, and he didn't try to go any further than that. (I will mention here that I never got any tacos though!)

We made plans to go out for a real date the following Friday. I was very excited about this. Boy, was I in for a surprise.

Our "date" consisted of meeting at a convenience store, where I left my car. He drove us to his friend's house, where we were supposed to meet another couple to go on a double date. We go to the house, and spent TWO HOURS waiting for his friend to pry the flat tire off his truck, which he had just wrecked the night before, so a tow truck could come haul it away! The whole time my date completely ignored me and didn't even bother to introduce me to any of the other people there! I didn't know anyone there because they all went to a different high school.

Finally, his friend got the truck squared away and the four of us went to Pizza Hut. There is a Pizza Hut in our hometown, but we had to drive to one 45 minutes away. Why, I'll never know. After dinner, we went back to the friend's house. The other couple made a beeline up the stairs, leaving the two of us alone in the downstairs. Red flags go up everywhere. By then, I was pretty pissed off and getting increasingly uncomfortable.

So my date took me over to a couch. We started kissing, which I was fine with. That was when he asked me if I wanted to go any further. And by that, of course, he meant all the way.

I immediately refused. He wanted to know why. I told him I hardly knew him. He said there wasn't much to know. I made something up about a curfew that I was going to be late for if we didn't go at that exact moment. He took the hint and knocked on his friend's door, explaining that "what's-her- face" needed to go home.

We drove all the way back to the convenience store in stone silence. I didn't say a word. I had no intention of ever talking to that jerk again, until I realized I had left my $250 prescription sunglasses, which I needed for driving, in his glovebox. I called his house. I left messages that all I wanted was my sunglasses. I called his job. I got a hold of him one time, doing my best to stay calm while I told him all he had to do was give the sunglasses to my friend's boyfriend so he could give them back to me. He said he would.

Long story short, I didn't get the stupid glasses back until over a year later, when another one of my friends started dating another guy who knew the creep, who finally got them back for me.

But there's an endnote: a couple years after the worst date I'd ever been on, my current boyfriend and I were at the beach with my friend and her boyfriend, when we ran into the jerk. The jerk acted as though he'd never seen me before, and actually INTRODUCED himself to me when my friend's boyfriend said hi to him!

No surprise, the jerk was out of work, living at home, and was awaiting a trial on drug charges he was up against. He deserves to rot in Etiquette Hell forever for that one night! And I'm still mad that my friend would give my number to such a pathetic loser without even asking me!



Years ago I went on a trip with my best friend meeting one of his old friends. We hit it off really well. Six months later she's moved to be closer to me, and a year later we bought a house together, thanks to a "gift" from her mother, for the down payment. Three months later she leaves. I've been played - secret meetings with lawyers and secret bank accounts prove that she used me to help her move and find a new job. I was devastated emotionally, and flat broke. We had to sell the house and lost money on the deal - after her mother's "gift" got paid back I had to move back in with my parents.

A year after this my best friend, who introduced us, is getting married. He supported me through this breakup but his fiancée and my ex are new best friends. He announces his wedding and I tell him "You know it will be hard for me to be there with her", and he says "yeah". The date approaches and no invitation arrives. My ex comes to my parents' house, calls me an SOB and delivers some of my mail. Apparently I am selfish because I won't go to my friend's wedding. I still have no invitation. Two weeks before I put it bluntly to my friend - and I am told that my ex offered to not attend, but his wife won't have it. I am offered the consolation of attending the ceremony. I am not impressed. More e-mails fly and as the date approaches, I am whole-heartedly invited. On the condition that I will behave. Not once did I indicate that I would make a scene - just that I would be hurt and upset to see my ex again.

Fortunately a business trip takes me away and I do not attend. I sent a gift, but I would not have showed up anyway. At the reception, my ex gets profusely thanked by the bride. But she seals her fate. She is seated with my friends, and trashes me the whole night. A month later she calls up one of my friends for a "social occasion" and he turns her down flat, and tells me. Six years later I bring this up with my best friend and his wife - and I give them all the facts of what happened here. All the dirt. They are shocked. And modestly apologetic. They are still friends with my ex, but she has moved on - found a new meal ticket.

On the other hand, my career took off and I have built my dream house, furnished it, and filled the garage with new vehicles. The best revenge is living well.



When I was in High School I worked at a little Mexican Restaurant in a Small town.  I worked everyday after school and on the weekends.  This guy would come in on Sat. with his friends, and he would casually flirt with me.  Then he came in one Sat. while I wasn't there and gave his number to one of my friends that was waiting on them to give to me.  The next time I saw him- I informed him that I was madly in love with my boyfriend, but I was flattered.  It became the running joke..."Hey!  Here comes (my name)'s boyfriend!"  

Well, I had been dating my high school sweetheart for over two years when I got the devastating news that he had been cheating on me.  Oh, my little heart was broken.  A whole two weeks went by of "deep"  depression (you are resilient when you are young:) and I finally decided that although I was still hurt, it was time to move on.  I was still good friends with all of my ex-boyfriend's guy friends and one in particular...Well, I could tell he liked me (and always had in my opinion- which I later found out from my his mom- My now mother in law! was true:)  We will call him FH (Future Hubby)  But- after being in a long relationship I understandably wanted to date.  Well, as luck would have it- ole' restaurant guy came in on the Sat. I was working.   We will call him Psycho.   I got up my courage (since I new it was sure thing:) gave him my number and asked him to call me.  And he did.

I said that I had to work after school but we could go to town and have lunch in the 3 hrs. I had between.  We went to lunch and I could tell that it wasn't really happening for me, but he was nice enough- and even remembered me telling him my birthday was near and had gotten me a card.  He kissed me on my cheek when the date was over.  Well, he called a lot and back then I had a pager  I woke up one morning to about 50 pages all through the night...911 143 (I love you!)  Keep in mind this is like 4 days after the one date.  I figured his friends had got a hold of the number and were teasing, I brushed it off.  The next time he called, I mentioned it and he said it was, in fact, him.  A little weird- one red flag for this guy that already didn't have a chance.   His friends were throwing him a birthday party  the weekend after our first and only date and although I already had a date with FH, the one I really liked and would later marry:), I decided to stop by to be nice.  I stayed maybe 30 min. said happy birthday and left. 

Some time went by, I realize I'm only interested FH.  I wonder why I dated his loser best friend for 2 years when he was there the whole time.  The next time I talk with Psycho I let him know that although I think he is nice, FH and I are getting exclusive.  I thanked him for the good time and conversations.  He understood and was very nice about it and I thought that was that.  Well, he still came in except now he wouldn't order anything.  Okay, whatever- drink your water and eat your free chips and salsa and LEAVE.  Well, this went on for some time and on like the 4th time, my boss is a little freaked out by it- but I tell her I can handle it.  I go up to him and ask if he'd like to order and he says "No" very nonchalant.  I tell him that he needs to order or he going to be asked to leave.  He says that he likes to come there to watch me work.  WHOA NELLY!  Okay, I'm officially creeped.  Doesn't end here.  

I came in to work one day after being off the night before and my boss is like- "(my name), Psycho was here last night.  He came up after we closed and was beating on the front door looking for you.  I explained that he was NEVER to do that again, but I'm scared for you!"  I was too!   Now, it's late one Friday night and we are closing up and getting ready to leave.  He shows up.  '"I just need to talk."  He then proceeds to show me his track marks on his arms ( at least at 18 and still never having seem them- that's what he said they were) and says he has been on a coke and heroine binge and he needs me to follow him home to make sure he gets there safely!!!!!!!!!!!!  The other waitress that was there is like, " NO, she will not be following you- I'll do it, I have to go home that way anyway."  She informs me that she has a cell phone and will type in 911 and should anything happen she'll just hit send.  I tell her to call me once he has turned down his road and she feels safe.  

Well, nothing happened. She went on home and we didn't here or see from him for a long while.  My boss (also the owner I should mention)  wants and has been wanting to get a restraining order against him, but I thought that was finally the end.  FH is by now my boyfriend and he knows everything that went on and had been asking for his number to call and just talk with him.  Of course I said No.  Now things were finally quiet. 

It's Friday night and I'm at work and we are BUSY.  I'm up at the cash register getting a check in my hurry and who walks in.  He comes up to me and asks for a few minutes.  He explains, In front of everyone, as the restaurant is pretty small and all the staff is behind the counter where the register is, that he has problems and his parents are putting him away for a while, but he has a present.  He leaves and I'm standing there dumbfounded.  He comes back in with a huge poster of himself with HIS BLOOD dripped all over it....  and in red magic marker- in crazy lettering, "I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU"  "YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND"  BLAH BLAH BLAH-  Then he leaves.  I didn't know whether to call the cops or cry or have a nervous breakdown.  I did nothing.  We closed down- The guys stayed and escorted me and my friend/ coworkers to our cars and we went straight to my boyfriend's house.  He, of course, was freaked and that fortunately was it.  I didn't here from this guy again until one day he brought in a card when he found out that I was pregnant saying he knew I would make a good mom.   I have never seen him again.  Looking back it's just bizarre.  I was just nice and he never did anything violent.... at least to me-   I really should have called the cops!



I was working as a nurse in a remote area in Canada and met an RCMP Constable who I will call Roland. We hit it off and started seeing each other frequently. Within three months of dating, I then started working relief in other remote areas. We managed to get together in the city when possible and one weekend Roland suggested that we visit another Constable (I will call him Rudy) in a small town near our city about one and a half hours away. I agreed as it seemed like fun to go since this friend knew my BF since training together. I was the only one of the two of us who had a vehicle and had no problem driving us both for this occasion.

We arrived about 1PM and I met the couple and we started talking. As soon as Rudy's wife left the room to go check on their children, he started asking me questions such as could he watch Roland and I having sex, or if he could tape it and join in. Roland thought this was hysterically funny as did Rudy. I told Rudy that this would not happen and he kept asking about it every time his wife left the room. I finally told him that I would only tape him and Roland having sex together and he finally stopped.

A while later, Rudy mentions that he has to return some movies to the video store. Roland asks me if he can use my car and that they would only be gone for about half an hour and then we can all have an early dinner together. I agreed and off they went. Rudy's wife and I both became hungry after about 1 hour, I offered to buy pizza for us so that when the guys came home, it would already be there. Good thing we did too! Six hours go by and they did not show up or phone. We started getting worried that maybe there had been an accident. Well, when Rudy and Roland do show up, they are giggling like school girls. I give Roland a hug and kiss (he reeked of beer) and explained that I am so relieved that they were alright and where were they? Rudy mentions that after dropping off the videos they went to watch strippers and have some beers and they lost track of time!

I told them both that I have no problem with what they did but, did have a problem with not being told so I wouldn't have to worry. Rudy kept telling Roland, "I told you not to call her and I was right, because she wouldn't have let you go see the strippers." They were both drunk as well and driving MY car! Being caught driving DUI in my Province means they impound the car driven for thirty days and the owner has to pay for storage. These were RCMP Constables too and you would think they knew better!

I then say I'd like to go home and thank Rudy's wife for her hospitality. I didn't say anything to Rudy. She and I both spoke a Slavic language that the men didn't understand and she told me what was going to happen to Rudy after we left! On the way home, Roland slept it off while I drove. That Monday I went back to work at a different place and he later phoned me and apologized for his rudeness with Rudy. I felt that he had seen the error of his ways, I didn't push it. Roland complained to me about the local girls all vying for him but, he seemed proud of it. He instructed me to give him a call when he got off work around 2AM which I did with no answer. I wasn't worried because I am well aware that police work happens at all hours.

This kept on happening though, and after three weeks of trying to get hold of Roland and being unable to, I gave up and thought I read the writing on the wall. He's apparently not interested in keeping up a long distance relationship. I get a call from Roland about a week later giving me heck for not calling! I explained I was unable to get a hold of him at the specified times he gave me and tried calling alternate times with no success so I stopped. I also mentioned that he knew where I was and asked why he waited so long to call? I got the standard 'Oh work is so busy here blah blah'. He also mentioned a number of times during the phone call that the local girls are trying to date him as well as things like showing up at his trailer with excuses to get invited in. Roland gives me his schedule so that I am able to reach him which again didn't happen. He didn't call, so I thought that the relationship is really over as he is probably dating a local girl now. Not too upset as it was short term anyway and I move on.

Here's the kicker! Six months after I last spoke with Roland, he tracks me down to my current working location like nothing happened. I had already gotten engaged to a doctor from my workplace. I asked him why he was calling me out of the blue like this and he stated, "Well, we're still going out aren't we?"  I then told him that I haven't heard anything from him in six months and assumed he was just too chicken or lazy to break it off. Roland insisted that we were still in a relationship! I told him the standard "I wouldn't have anything to do with you if you were the last man on earth". Roland said if he were the last man on earth, I would be begging him for any relationship! I then responded that if he really were the last man on earth, I would seriously consider becoming a lesbian and hung up. He never called me again. To this day, I just can't believe his rudeness or hubris!



I walked into a Halloween party in my hometown and saw "Rick," a college classmate who had dated one of my best friends. I hadn't seen him in almost 30 years, so we spent the evening catching up. He called about a week later and said he thought I was fun and interesting. We talked a couple more times (once for two hours!) and decided to get together the next weekend. He drove to my home (an hour away) and we had a good time. 

A week later, I went to his town and, after family business, went to see him. I walked into his house and was appalled. It was tiny, dark and ramshackle. I decided to hug him - maybe I was feeling pity about his low standard of living. One thing led to another much faster than I was ready for. I left without going "all the way," but I was feeling like we were a couple. We saw each other nearly once a week and he started talking about one of us moving so we'd live in the same town. 

During this time, my mother's health was declining, as was my beloved cat. I wanted to focus on something positive, so I did my best to help Rick have a good Thanksgiving and birthday in early December. He's basically alone in the world, with little family and few friends (warning flag!). He was supportive and helpful about my mother's situation and I started feeling I could depend on him. Then came the week I decided to let go of my beloved cat, who had been at my side through thick and thin for 17 years. After a grim morning looking at nursing homes, I stopped by Rick's house and shed a few tears as I told him about my cat. He was short on time, so I left after asking if we could get together the next weekend. Once home, I called to set up the vet appointment but wouldn't get in until Friday - four days later. I was grieving so much, but I comforted myself by remembering I had this wonderful relationship. 

Rick and I talked a couple of times that week and I did my best to be matter-of-fact while telling him about Friday's appointment. He called Thursday and said he thought we'd better take a break for a few weeks. He didn't even want to be around me long enough to exchange Christmas gifts - he said he'd mail a gift card. I dropped his gifts on his front porch, along with a letter saying I was trying to understand him. Long story short, after a conversation in which he told me I should "just get over it," he couldn't take any more "drama" and couldn't we just be "buddies," I decided I couldn't be with someone who will be there just for the fun times. He even had the gall to laugh when I talked about seeing each other's point of view. I already have plenty of buddies, people who know that true friends and lovers are there through the ups and downs of life. It would have been different if I hadn't given him so much of my caring and compassion. Silly me, I thought that meant he'd have compassion for me. So my rich life, full of wonderful people, will go on. He can retreat to that horrible house with the high walls that will keep out people with all their annoying problems.



I just feel the need to share this story, since I think that this may qualify as truly horrible dating etiquette. I met on XXXX, one of the many online dating services and he was truly the most horrible human being that I have ever come into contact with. Andy lives in XXXX, NJ  and I live in Brooklyn. The only nice thing that he did, was drive out to Brooklyn to pick me up for the first date. The plan was to drive to a miniature train/dollhouse museum in Flemington, NJ. 

On the way to NJ, he managed to get into two arguments. One was with a toll booth clerk when the toll booth clerk accidentally dropped his change on the ground. He turned to the gentleman and said, "You're so stupid, how could you drop my change!?! This is you're only responsibility, you are so incredibly dumb!" He then proceeded to get into another argument with a traffic controller when he made an illegal turn and was forced to turn his car around and take the appropriate route. I wish I could say that these are the only examples of his poor behavior. He also insisted on guessing my bra size during the date, attempted to French kiss me in a museum where the majority of visitors were children under the age of 10 and wanted to show me his arsenal of weapons!!!

Truly unbelievable, but a real example of a date from hell!!!


Page Last Updated July 30, 2007