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Jan-Jun 2005 Archive
Okay, so I'm not sure if this qualifies as hell or not, but
its definitely something young men seem to have growing issues with...
I'm in college, and I just broke up with a long-term
boyfriend. Another guy displayed interest fairly quickly, and he seemed nice. We
didn't know each other terribly well, but we exchanged numbers, and then went on
a date of sorts (nothing formal was declared: he didn't pick me up, flowers and
dinner were not involved. We went for a walk around my area's upscale historic
Now, I'm very busy (heavy school workload and a job), so I
didn't see him for a few days. He, however, called me again, and again, and
again.. I told him I was busy, told him I'd call him on the weekend, when I'd
actually have time to see him. The calls kept coming, usually while I was at
work or finishing projects for class.
Finally, I get a text message-- not even a grammatically
correct text message-- along the lines of "hey if u want we can get drunk
and have sex." when I didn't respond immediately, he sent me an email of
the same thing. This is new etiquette, but etiquette nonetheless: flat-out
propositioning a girl via a badly written text message is not a good idea.
Ever! Needless to say, I broke it off, feeling cheap and
Several years ago, during my undergraduate study, I went
out on a first date with a guy I had just met. I did not really know him,
and was nervous that he would turn out to be as undesirable as others I had
recently run across... When he picked me up in a regular, clean
car wearing regular, clean clothes, acting politely and looking quite handsome,
I was relieved. My sorority sisters peeking out the windows before I came
downstairs and giving me the thumbs-up made me feel better, too. He
immediately complimented my outfit and told me I was more beautiful than he had
remembered. So far so good...
The first red flag was when we exited
the car at the restaurant where we were to eat dinner and he oh-so-casually
unwrapped a stick of gum and blatantly tossed the wrapper onto the pavement, AS
we were making eye contact and having a conversation. I paused, staring
from him to the wrapper, and back, but he was oblivious. The second red
flag: he orders for both of us a relatively expensive dinner and several drinks.
Conversation throughout the meal is easy, but when the bill comes, this guy
suggests that we do a "dine-and-dash" - i.e. run quickly from the
restaurant without paying!!! I offered to split the bill, and
he simply shrugged and didn't respond, obviously preferring his own suggestion.
I pulled out my credit card, paid the whole bill while he sat silently, and we
exited the restaurant. He THEN had the nerve to suggest that we have a
drink at a nearby bar he knew - apparently he thought the whole night could just
be on me! (I guess better that than to go to
jail for not paying for a meal you ordered and consumed!) But I was done -
I told him in no uncertain terms to take me home, which he did immediately.
The funniest thing was that he persisted in calling for weeks afterwards.
I never called him back.
This isn't so much a dating story since I never actually
went out with the guy, but it was pretty weird all the same. When I
was in college some 20 years ago, I worked for a retail store in a local mall.
Our "store" was actually a kiosk in the middle of the mall, so you saw
everyone who walked by and they also saw you. When someone made a purchase
at the store, we would hand write a receipt, which was printed with the store
name and telephone number. On the receipt we would include the normal
information (product, price, etc.) as well as our name. Well one Saturday
I get a telephone call at the store. It's a male and he asks for me by
name. He tells me he had bought something from me that day and he thought
I was really pretty. Being a Saturday, I had made sales to probably 75
people, many of whom were men. I try to get the caller to tell me his
name, to no avail. (For the rest of the story I will
call him "S".)
A few days later, a worker from another store in the mall walks
over to my store with a box. He says a guy had purchased something
and asked him to deliver it to me. I'm starting to get a little freaked
out at this point, and I open to box to find a glass unicorn figurine. Of
course I'm not going to keep it, so I give it back to the person who delivered
it. I explain to him what is going on and ask him if he can describe the
guy or can see him anywhere. He can't, so I go on with my day,
being completely nervous the entire time. Just before closing, S
calls me again and asks me how I liked my gift. I tell him I didn't keep
the gift and that he's making me very nervous by not telling me who he is or
letting me see him. He tells me basically that I will find out who he is
in time. By now I'm really freaking out, so I call security and
ask for an escort to my car.
The next few days nothing happens, no phone calls and no more
gifts, so I figure maybe he's given up. Wrong! I get a telephone
call and it's S, but this time he says, "I walked by your store a few
minutes ago and you look really good in that purple shirt." At this
point I'm really scared, knowing that he has been watching me. Again, I
have security walk me out to my car when I get off work. I was
scheduled to take the following week off for vacation and was glad I wouldn't
have to deal with S. I had called our corporate office and let them know
what had happened, and we had talked about a transfer to another store. We
decided I'd go work at another store at least temporarily and that everyone
at my old store will tell anyone who asks simply that I no longer work at that
store. Fine, if he's really a psycho he might find me anyway,
but maybe it'll take him a while.
Unfortunately, since I was on vacation for a week the
corporate office didn't immediately inform everyone at the old store not to give
out any information. Even so, NO ONE should EVER give out personal
information about an employee. Most of the employees, however, were young
and not well versed on proper business procedures. So while I'm home
on vacation my phone rings, and it's S!! Apparently he had called the
store to talk to me and was told I was on vacation. He then convinced the
girl working that day that he was an old friend of mine who was in town for
a short time and asked if he could have my home phone number so he could get in
touch with me. And she gave it to him! I talked to him for a while
and agreed to meet him for lunch at a restaurant near the mall where I had
worked. I called my best friend's brother, who was a police officer,
and asked him to go with me.
I had two reasons for wanting this meeting...1) so my police
officer friend (POF) could politely (or not) inform him to leave me alone,
and 2) so I could actually see what he looked like and be able to at least keep
an eye out for him. Well, we get to the restaurant and I see a guy
at a table near the front of the room stand up, and he's holding a bouquet
of flowers. Apparently this is him. He's probably about my age, 20
or so, and he actually looks a little nerdy. My first thought is that he
doesn't look capable of harming anyone, but then I think of Ted Bundy (ok,
so my imagination has gotten the best of me by this point :) He's all
smiles until he realizes that POF, in uniform, isn't just a casual passer-by.
We get to the table and POF, in no uncertain terms, tells S that he'd
better leave me alone or he'll find himself in deep and unpleasant
trouble. S is genuinely surprised and confused by this. He
looks from me to POF disbelievingly and starts to look ill. He tells us
that he didn't mean to scare me, but he was shy and apprehensive about
asking me out. By now he has tears in his eyes and he says he's never
had a real girlfriend (gee, I wonder why!) and that he wanted to ask me out but
didn't know how to go about it. POF assures him that stalking a girl is
NOT the way to go about it and tells him he needs to have courage next
time and just ask. I'm standing there stunned the entire time, and now I'm
beginning to feel sorry for him. S then turns to me and says "so will
you go out with me?" I almost fell over! I told him that I was
sure he was a nice guy (thinking "nice" as in "you're so
clueless as to be simultaneously pitiable and creepy") but that I couldn't
go out with him because I had a boyfriend...POF. (I
didn't even have a boyfriend at the time, but I figured thinking I had a large
boyfriend who could legally carry a gun might dissuade him any further.)
I never heard from or saw him again, and I can only hope that his social
skills have improved since then!
I had recently relocated to a new city when an old high school
acquaintance e-mailed me to let me know that he would be in town for a job
interview. Though I didn't much care for him and would have rather spent
my evening doing anything else, I accepted his dinner invitation and suggested
that we dine at a casual restaurant near my house.
I knew that he would not offer to pay the bill, nor did I
expect it of him. However, he arrived at my house much earlier than
expected and before I had had the chance to visit an ATM machine. He
boasted at least three times during the meal that the
company for whom he was interviewing was paying all costs associated with the
interview, and he twice mentioned that the meal allowance was quite generous.
After hearing that he had a considerable sum left to spend on food that
day, I stopped worrying about finding cash to contribute.
When the bill came, I offered to split the cost of the meal
with him, fully expecting him to remind me that he would be reimbursed for the
meal and that I had been his guest for the evening.
Instead, he accepted my offer. I informed him that I
didn't have enough cash on me and would need to find a
nearby ATM in order to pay him back. He followed me for 10 minutes while I
tried to find an ATM, and he accepted every dollar I gave
him. In the end, the company reimbursed him for the full cost of the meal, and
he ended up making some extra money. Needless to say, I haven't spoken to him
This is one of those situations where you
cannot say one thing but actually mean another. Instead of offering to
split the bill, I would have waited to see if he was going to pick up the bill
to pay it considering that he had just explained how generous his per diem
was. If it sat there on the table with him ignoring it for a considerable
amount of time, then you offer to split the bill. By that time, you would
have no doubt that he is not an honorable gentleman and your expectations would
have been in line with reality.
This is not actually about a date, but about a request for one
that was the creepiest I have ever experienced. 15 years later it still gives me
I was 23, a couple of years out of college, and had been
pleased to find an apartment I could afford, even though its low rent and
Section 8 Housing status meant that some of my neighbors were ... unscrupulous.
For example, my newspaper kept getting stolen from in front of my door.
To save money on air conditioning, when weather permitted I
slept with my bedroom windows cracked from the top. One night, I was lying in
bed, 90% asleep, when I heard "Pssst! Pssst!" coming from outside.
Instantly awake, I shot up in bed and found a mustachioed man in a sleeveless
undershirt and camouflage pants standing at my window. I guess he was a
Now that he had my full attention, he said, "You're
pretty. I want to go out with you." My heart pounding, I said, "Go
away or I'll call the police." Crestfallen, he slunk off and I closed and
locked the window. Then I went and slept in the bathroom, since the living room
also had windows.
I've never liked ground floor apartments after that.
In my senior year of high school, I belonged to the Goth/Punk
clique, and dressed accordingly, unless I was attending a wedding, birthday, or
other special occasion. Well, I had just started dating a young man who shared
my same interests, and our first few dates were fun; movies, clubbing, things
One afternoon, "John" called and asked if I wanted
to go out that same night. I said sure, and I would pick him up at 6. I had a
car, he didn't, so I did all the driving. So that evening, thinking of another
fun filled night clubbing, I dressed carefully in ripped leather pants, spiked
jewelry (come on! I was in high school!) and a rather obscene music group T-
shirt. After I picked him up, he told me we needed to stop off for something
before we went clubbing, but was really vague on what he needed to do. Okay. So
he gives me an address in a rather upscale, quiet
residential community. I find the house, and before I could ask why is
there a hearse parked in the driveway, he pulls me inside. Once inside, he
quickly announces, "This is Ana, my girlfriend!", pushes me into the
arms of a mortuary worker and bursts out crying! The house is filled with
grieving older family members, who usher John into an open room next to me,
where he proceeds to throw himself sobbing across the chest of an elderly lady,
who is clearly deceased. His family all turn to me, and I am mortified! I had
not met any of his family before, and there I am standing there 10 feet away
from dead Grandma, dressed for a Rave!
One of his uncles kindly hands me a plate of pizza (who orders
pizza for an impromptu wake?!) and leads me into the backyard, to sit with yet
more family. They all sit there uncomfortably as I do my best to hide what
exactly the two nuns on my T- shirt are doing. Thankfully they all understood
that this was not what I had in mind for tonight's date,
and were very nice. They just didn't know why he didn't warn me, since
they had called him that morning about his grandma passing! After John and
I left (two hours later! They really kept the removal personnel waiting!), I
dropped John off despite his protests, and went home. We didn't last too long
A few years ago I was dating a guy and he told me he wanted to
introduce me to his mother. I told him that I would be glad to meet her, and to
let me know a date and a time so I could prepare myself. Well, this happened in
2003, at the same time of the huge blackout in New York City that left everyone
in the dark for about three days. The blackout was a Thursday, and I had a hair
appointment for the next day. Well, because of the blackout, my hair appointment
was canceled, obviously. Well, my boyfriend's section of town got their power
back before ours did, so I decided to go hang out at his house. Since my hair
wasn't done, I took a silk scarf and made a wrap out of it and wrapped my hair
in it. Then I put on some makeup and earrings to try to fix myself up. I even
got a few compliments on my wrap, including compliments
from my boyfriend.
So he's driving me back to his place and he goes, "We're
going to meet my mom." So I thought she was going to be expecting us. Nope.
He just decided at the spur of the moment to just take me over there. So we get
there and he just walks in her house with me trailing behind. No announcing that
he's bringing someone in. No phone call ahead. She's standing in the kitchen in
a nightgown (at like 3 in the afternoon, no less). He says, "Mom, this is
my girlfriend Alison." I say, "Nice to meet you, " and I smile
and shake her hand. She takes one look at me and says, "What's wrong with
your hair?" So, embarrassed, I attempt to explain that I was unable to get
my hair done due to the blackout. She then looks at him and says "Why you
bring her over here to meet your mother without her hair done?" She said
this right as I was standing there! I had never felt so uncomfortable and
humiliated in my life!
My sister "Liz" has had a rocky relationship with
her (now ex) boyfriend, "Idiot." This whole thing began when she made
a bad mistake. Freaking out that their relationship was getting serious, my
sister got drunk one weekend and had a heavy make-out session with another guy.
In tears she confessed to Idiot and he broke up with her. Not an entirely
unreasonable thing I must say (even though the pain it caused my sister made me
want to do something bad to his car). This classy guy breaks up with her over
AIM (AOL Instant Messaging)!!!
A few months later Idiot assures her that he's over it and he
forgives her and they get back together. Six weeks after that he dumps her again
for the same incident. This time at least he does it over the phone. More drama
for a few weeks. Then they get back together.
Now to get to my point. They've been together for about 8
weeks when I get in a car accident. I was driving to my grandmother's house
about 6 hours away and at the halfway mark I was run off the
highway by a semi. The accident was bad. I was going 70mph when I went off
the road and my car flipped at least three times. Fortunately I got away
with only minor injuries, but my family was freaking out. I make the call to my
family and Liz is dispatched to come to the ER where I was taken (the rest of my
family is across the country and grandma's on her way too). By the time she gets
there my broken thumb is secured, but I've only been cleaned up enough to ensure
that I didn't break my skull. I have dried blood all over my face and neck. Of
course by this point I'm out of my gourd on painkillers so I can't tell her I'm
much better than I look. The hospital releases me (with only a broken thumb
there's no reason to keep me overnight) and my sister takes me to a hotel.
I apologize for the detail there, but I just want to paint the
picture. My sister is in a strange town in a two bedroom hotel room. I'm lying
on the other bed, high on morphine and hydrocodeine. I
alternate between sleeping and giggling at the TV. I'm still covered in dirt and
dried blood. And it's three AM. She calls Idiot, leaving a message on his
voicemail to the affect of "It's late, but my sister was in a wreck and
she's okay, but I really, really need someone to talk to." Idiot gets
the message but doesn't call her back. Instead he IMs her. He was thinking about
the incident where she kissed that other guy (still the same incident) and he
doesn't think he's over it after all so . . . . it's over. Liz is begging
him not to do this now. She tells him that she can't deal with it right now,
could they please just play nice for the night? Idiot logs off and doesn't
respond to any of her messages. She stays up until the morning partially because
she desperately wants to talk to him (or anybody for that matter) and partially
because she has to wake me up every thirty minutes to make sure I'm not
concussed. Idiot doesn't get back in touch with her for
three days. When he does he yells at her for being too wrapped up in 'drama' to
discuss the state of their relationship and her fidelity. (Bear in mind that it
was *kissing* another guy, and only *one* incident now many months ago.) Ugh, it
upsets my stomach just thinking about it.
Here’s my story about a bad first date. To make matters
worse, it was my first date ever. I have since gone on to many more bad dates,
but none compare to this one.
I had just turned 16 and a boy (we’ll call him Bubba) asked me out on a date.
It would be my first date ever. Permission had been hard to obtain from my
conservative parents so I was overjoyed. I’d had a crush on Bubba since the
year before but I didn’t rate a blip on his radar until the first day of my
junior year in high school. I was on the varsity drill team and was decked out
in our uniform that had a short skirt. I guess this was enough to now get me
noticed. He started a conversation, then asked me out.
After getting the parental permission, we agreed that he would
pick me up at my house at 7:00 p.m. that Saturday night. Envisioning dinner and
maybe a movie, I was dressed in a nice “Sunday School” type dress and could
hardly wait for him to arrive. He showed up (late) in his 15 year old Dodge Dart
and we drove to the other side of town and pulled up in front of his parent’s
house. Okay, maybe he just forgot his wallet. Nope. Maybe we were going to
have dinner with his parents. Nope. They were in the kitchen washing the dinner
dishes. He told me to have a seat on the sofa and we could watch some
television. He hadn’t even bothered to rent a movie.
But wait, it gets much better. His younger brother is sitting
across from us in the recliner chair. (His brother was 2 years younger and as a
result of cancer had his leg amputated below the knee. This had been several
years before and by all accounts he was doing fine now.) Younger brother had on
a pair of cut-off shorts and a t-shirt. Bubba asks younger brother to go change
into long pants because he considered it rude for his “stump” to be on
display in front of company. I assured them both that this was not necessary.
Younger brother refuses to change. Bubba continues to yell at him. Younger
brother continues to yell back. I am mortified. The disagreement escalates to
profanity laden screaming until they both get into an all-out brawl, knocking
over the coffee table and 2 lamps with arms, legs, and stumps flying
everywhere while I cowered in the corner. The parents run in from the kitchen,
yell at everyone and tell Bubba to take me home. The whole “date” lasted 30
minutes and he tried to kiss me on the porch.
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