When no other category fits the
- Jun 2003 Archive
Dear Jeanne, A couple of months ago, my friend D
had a Tupperware party. On the day, I felt sick and let her know that I
was unable to come.
The next day, I get a message from D saying she was sorry that
I had to miss the party, but because she wanted me to get a hostess gift and be
able to buy some products, she'd booked a party in my name... without consulting
me at all.
(Did I mention I don't like hosting these parties?).
Anyway, I had the party, figuring it was a good excuse to have
some friends over, and I could always do with more Tupperware. D had a glass or
two of wine, and become more 'boisterous' than usual.
D introduced me to my ex-boyfriend J. During the
party, the subject of men came up, and D said to me that I could have had J.
I told her that our relationship was over, to which she
replied that J wouldn't take me back anyway. That's fine, I figured it
meant that he'd moved on and was getting on with life, which is good.
D then proceeded to rant and rave for 5 full minutes
(in the middle of my lounge room, surrounded by my friends) that I had said
something so awful to J after we broke up, and he was so hurt he would never
date me again.
D said she couldn't believe I would say something so awful,
and that I must have been drunk at the time. (I am not a big drinker, and
rarely get drunk.)
I was totally gob smacked. Trying to retain some
shred of dignity, I replied that J had never mentioned anything like that to me,
and if I had known I'd hurt him, I would have apologized.
D just kept on ranting about how hurtful I had been.
The kicker is that D then said "But I won't tell you what
you said right now, because I don't want to embarrass you in front of all your
I doubt she noticed that she had already embarrassed me, and
made everyone else in the room feel very uncomfortable.
I love the website. Thank you so much for the work that
My 26th birthday fell on a Thursday and I wanted to go to
dinner with a few of my friends. I'd taken the following day off work
because I assumed that it would be a long night out.
It turned out to be one of the longest nights of my life.
Ultimately, I went to dinner with just one other friend,
"Cindy." Now, Cindy has a reputation for being a little flaky under the best of circumstances. My other friends either didn't want to go
out on a weeknight or, in the case of my other best friend, had to make an
emergency move. Cindy and I have hung out alone in the past with no
We decided to go to a sushi restaurant on the other side of
town. Cindy refused to drive, stating that she disliked driving on
freeways and in areas she didn't know well. I agreed to drive and picked
her up, handing her directions to the restaurant and telling her to navigate.
Needless to say, her navigation consisted of, "Oh, you
should have turned there!" and "Sorry Dude, I spaced. Where are
we?" After 30 minutes of fruitless searching as well as a call to the
restaurant (wherein she said, "okay" multiple times, then, when I
asked her how to proceed from our location, she said, "Oh, his accent was
real thick and I couldn't understand what he was saying,") I was hungry,
agitated, and ready to settle for anything. We found another sushi
Luckily, this restaurant was very good.
Unfortunately, a trio of frat boys were sitting behind us and
drinking "Sake Bombs" which consists of sake dropped into a glass of
beer then the concoction chugged. To drop the sake into the beer, the
table needs to be banged very hard with a clenched fist. Everyone in the
restaurant was hovering between amusement and disgust, because this activity was
fairly inappropriate in a place so trendy and upscale.
Then Cindy, who has been steadily drinking her own sake,
decided that one of the frat boys was cute. She stared and stared, and
finally the boys noticed and asked her if she wanted to do a round with them.
She said yes, took the drink, then came back to the table, still hissing beneath
her breath about how cute that boy was. I nodded and we continued to
discuss plans for later that evening. I wanted to go downtown so that we
could go dancing at a club that played either trance or Goth music. Cindy
shot this down, stating that she hated downtown, it made her feel uncomfortable,
she hated trance, and she wanted to go to a local bar on our side of the river.
I'd briefly visited the bar she wanted to go to, and so far
I'd been unimpressed. It wasn't my scene at all: karaoke and hip hop all
night long. I said, "Do they play anything other than hip hop
"Of course they do," she said, "They play a mix
of music. Trance and everything. You'll like it."
I figured that going to this other bar would be better than
going downtown and watching her pout. I excused myself to go to the
bathroom, thinking we'd be leaving in a moment or two.
When I returned, she was sitting with the frat boys and having
She'd been going through some relationship problems, and I
figured there was no problem with letting her flirt a little bit. At their
invitation, I sat down too, telling Cindy, "Let me know when you want to
We sat there for another hour and a half. The frat boys
wanted us to come back to their apartment and "hang out," but we said
no. At this point, I was bored, miserable, and annoyed. The frat
boys turned out to be Christian frat boys, all of them wearing chastity rings
and berating all the "sinners" in the world today. Pagans, Wicca's, Muslims, Buddhists - everyone went onto that list. The people
sitting around us looked disgusted at their loud conversation.
Finally, I held up my right hand. On my middle finger I
wear an inverted pentagram. "I'm a Daughter of the Mourning
Star," I said.
"What, like an Eastern Star?"
"No, I'm a Luciferian, which is a relatively unknown
branch of Satanism. And I find your current line of conversation very,
Things broke up fast after that. The oh-so-patient
waitress brought our check over. Cindy looked at me and hiccupped.
"I have no cash," she said, "I'd put it on credit, but I don't
know how much my credit line has left on it. I wanted to stop at an ATM,
but you were too pissy in the car." Normally in our group of friends,
we pay for what we eat as all of us are pretty poor. Treating is rare, and
only happens with prior agreement. I had no problem with the idea of
paying for half of the meal, but to pay for the entire thing seemed a little bit
unfair. Yet what choice did I have?
I paid $180.00 dollars (including tip) for our dinners.
We finally left the Sake Café after Cindy insisted that the
cute boy take her phone number. She still wanted to go to the bar on our
side of the river. On the entire 30 minute drive, she did nothing but talk
about the boy until I told her I was tired of hearing it.
When we got to the bar, I was enraged to discover that that
bar only played hip hop and did karaoke. Cindy promised we could leave,
"after a few songs." She got up and proceeded to dance. An
older gentleman started dancing with her, and every song or two she came to my
table and whined about how she didn't want to dance with him, how he was gross.
Then she'd dance with him some more. All the while I sat there, desperate
to get out of that place. She picked up a couple more admirers, and
proceeded to dance until three a.m. Every few songs, she swing by and say,
"We'll leave right after this song, okay? I'm drunk and I feel
By the time we finally got out of there, I was too furious to
speak. I'm glad she had such a great time on my birthday.
The next day, she told our mutual friend that I was an
ungrateful b****, that she never wanted to out with me again, and that I spent
the entire night making her feel like trash by glaring at her.
Here's a doozy for you.
About a year ago or so I went to my cousin "Ann's"
birthday party. She was turning 30. Ann and I grew up together, we know each
other well. Her roommate "Mary" was throwing the party, and it was to
be held at a nice restaurant in a city nearby. A total of 12 people went to the
I wasn't working at the time, but I set aside $40 for the
night. I figured that would be enough for train fare, my $10 entree, a beer, and
some extra to throw into Ann's entree and drinks so Ann didn't have to pay for
her birthday dinner.
Some of Ann's friends ordered several bottles of wine, of
which I had none. These apparently were expensive bottles, as when it came bill
time Mary suggested we all pay in $55 each for the bill. (No appetizers were
had, no desserts were had, by the way. This bill was for dinner and drinks.)
I sat there amazed at having to pay $55 for 1 beer, a $10
entree, and a few bucks toward Ann's entree. I discreetly got up from the table,
left the restaurant and went to the ATM up the block so I could get some more
I came back and gave my $55, as did everyone else. Mary
counted the money and declared we didn't have enough to settle the bill and pay
the tip. Apparently another friend of Ann's left before the bill came and didn't
leave enough before leaving.
I offered $2-3 more dollars to help settle the gap. Mary stood
up at the table and said "What the heck am I going to do with your 3 measly
dollars?" and literally threw them back at me across the table, in
front of everyone. I suggested that if everyone chipped in another few bucks
then the bill would be settled, but if she didn't want my 3 measly dollars to
help settle the bill, I'd be happy to keep them.
That was by far the most expensive ravioli and beer I'd ever
had, in terms of money and my pride.
Several years ago my husband and I were members in a bowling
league. At the end of the season, the league held an award ceremony in a
local restaurant. As my husband and I were seated, a member of the league, 'M'
offered to purchase a round of drinks for our table. 'M' was an older, wealthy
gentleman, and it did not seem inappropriate to accept his offer- being an award
ceremony and all. 'M' continued to act generously, ordering three more rounds of
Soon, the food arrived. When 'M' received his order, he took
one look at it, and ordered it sent back to the kitchen. He then proceeded to
throw a fit in the restaurant. All this from a distinguished-looking snowy
haired man with a Jaguar parked outside! He stormed out of the restaurant and
did not come back. When the bill for our meal came, of course we were charged
for the drinks that he had authorized. I learned my lesson- the drink charges
were almost as costly as our meals combined.
Recently my friend invited me to her Church's tea party .I was
invited to sit at the table with her mother and other friends of hers . Soon it
was time for the fashion show and tea was still in progress . My friend
and her girl friend decided to count the money collected at the door right at
the table we were sitting at. Her friend placed a large red tacky basket on the
table and began counting a loud 20x 5= 100 and the beat went on for at least a
half an hour . I was stunned and walked away . Can you imagine?.
My daughter is fast approaching her 13th birthday and
her bat mitzvah. Of course she is also attending numerous other bar and
bat mitzvah celebrations, as many of her classmates are also turning 13. These
parties tend to be formal affairs on par with a wedding celebration. To be
honest, the parties can get a bit extravagant. But there was one party that was
"over the top" even by our local standards. My daughter learned
a lesson about money and hospitality at a recent bat mitzvah. when I heard
about the party, I kept wondering "what were the parents
thinking?" The young lady in question (let's call her Jordana)
celebrated her bat mitzvah on a Saturday morning, with all the formality
of our religious tradition. the reception was scheduled for Saturday
evening at a nearby catering hall. Unfortunately, a blizzard hit our area
that day, so the party had to be postponed several weeks.
It's customary in our community to have a catered party and a DJ. because
there are usually a large number of teens at the party, many parents arrange for
one or two activities at the party in addition to the dancing -- you might find
a caricature artist, or a photographer taking Polaroid's of the guests, or some
similar activity. it's also customary to give the teenage guests a party
favor -- usually a hat or shirt or tote bag with the honoree's name imprinted
on it. as I said, a bit on the lavish side. at Jordana's party,
there were so many activities that most of the kids never made it to the dance
floor. my daughter came home with a wax hand, a backpack made out of coke
cans, an airbrushed hat with her name on it... Jordana couldn't
decide between a sweatshirt, sweatpants or a tote bag -- so she ordered al
three. in fact, a few days after the party, my daughter reported
that "the kids who weren't invited all say they wished they could have gone
to the party so they could have gotten all that cool stuff, too." it
occurred to my daughter that no one said they wanted to go because the
party seemed like fun, or because they like Jordana and wanted to help her
celebrate a momentous occasion in her life. but the real faux pas of
the evening... the sweatshirts and sweatpants with Jordana's name
were to be given out during the party, as a party favor. although Jordana
and four of her best friends showed up at the party in expensive party
dresses, ten minutes after the party began, all five girls changed into
their sweats. teenagers like to cut the necklines of sweatshirts and take
the elastic out of the pant legs, so it was obvious that Jordan and her four
friends had altered their sweats prior to the night of the party. my
daughter's comment? "it felt like the four of them were Jordana's
only 'real' friends, and the rest of us were window dressing." ROBIN
Hi! First of all, I just love your site and I've spend hours
after hours reading it. I don't know if the following story fits into any of the
categories, but here it goes.
I'm a system administrator, so it's not very uncommon for
friends and relatives to contact me when they're having computer trouble. Most
of the time I'm just happy to help them out. Anyway, a friend of mine called and
asked if I'd fix her computer. I said I'll look into it when I have time. She
said it was very urgent and had to be in full working condition tomorrow. She
sounded so stressed, that I promised to fix it. I drove to her place, picked up
the computer and worked on it all night. It was one of those disaster cases,
where fixing one thing revealed another broken thing. I ended up using over 6
hours to fix it, and replacing several pieces of hardware.
I returned the computer to her the next morning and she was
thrilled. I didn't ask for any money as most of the people whom I've helped
usually mail me a thank you-check or something. A week later I visited her and
noticed her computer missing. When I asked her about it, she told me she had
sold it. She was in a hurry to get it fixed, as she got a buyer for it! And as
you'd expect, I was never paid for it.
I have a close friend, Madison, or someone I used to consider
close friend, that hasn't been such a great friend lately. I don't see or speak
to her for long periods of time, and when me and my other friend Natalie invite
her out, she always says "yeah I might come" and then we never hear
from her again. Or she will tell us she is coming and never show. So basically,
we just come to expect this from her. I have completely stopped inviting her,
but my friend Natalie still does so out of courtesy. We used to do everything
together, so basically this is just habit to invite her.
The most recent even that occurred was probably one of the
rudest things I have ever experienced from her. Madison's birthday fell on a Friday, but her brother was getting married that same
Friday so she wasn't
planning anything for her birthday that night. My friend Natalie and I are not
close to her brother and therefore not invited to the wedding, and not expecting
to be either. She had actually told me that Natalie and I were expected to come
because she was allowed to invite her own friends because it was her birthday,
but after that I never heard anything of it again and I just assumed I was not
I really hadn't been in close contact with Madison before
this, just talking on the phone and online every now and then. But she sent me a
text message that Tuesday, before her birthday, asking if "we" would
want to go out to eat with her on Saturday. By "we" I assumed she
meant me and Natalie. This was surprising because we rarely do anything together
anymore and she hangs out with other people on a daily basis, so why would she
want to eat with us for her birthday? I know a text message is a very informal
way of invitation, but regardless I think when you make plans with someone by
whatever means, you should keep those plans. So, being at work, I messaged her
back and said that was fine and just let me know the time and restaurant. She
sent me a message back saying that she would get in touch with Natalie and our
other friend Erin, and then call me later. So I make these plans to go eat with
her and write it down in my planner.
I do not hear from Madison for the rest of that week. I talked
to Natalie and she said she had also not heard from Madison. This is typical of
her, so I assume that I will most likely hear from Madison on the day that we
are supposed to go out to eat, because I know she sees nothing wrong with this.
No call that day either. That evening I am online and Madison gets online and
im's me, "hey, what's up?" She never once mentions going out to eat
and I don't either because I am just in shock about it. If she didn't want to go
eat with us, why even make the plans in the first place? It was her idea, not
mine. When I see she is online (this is probably around 5 or 6 pm) I assume
maybe that she was tired from the wedding the night before, and just wanted to
stay home, so I let it go, even though I still found it rude.
To top matters off, I found out earlier this week that on that
Saturday she had gone out to two different bars that night. Who told me this?
She did. I don't know if she forgot about going to eat with us or what, but
since I did talk to her online earlier that evening, it seems as though she
would have thought to invite us out with her at least. I hate when people make
plans and then break them. I understand that sometimes something more important
comes along, but at least give notice! And I don't think this was the case here
at all, I think it was more of a case of finding something better to do, not
Page Last Updated May 15, 2007