Etiquette Hell = Where the ill-mannered deserve to go


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Jeanne's Favorite  Picks

This is almost too hidious to submit. My cousin's ex-wife whom I had met just a few times, had a child by a man with whom she was living with. The woman, I will call her Patti, seemed kind of stupid but not to the degree in which I am about to relate. The baby died when he was just two months old of meningitis. A sad story because I think basically she was a good mother.

Patti and her boyfriend decided to marry in a formal church wedding about six months later. Of course no one in the family knew of the particulars of the wedding, as there would be no reason for any of us to be invited. However, one day my uncle, Patti's ex-father-in-law  opened his weekly small-town newspaper to the "trends and weddings" section when he saw the reception announcement: "The late Baby X wishes to announce the marriage of his parents Patti Z and Box R. Please join in the festivities at (name of reception hall) on (particular date and time). "    This is just plain creepy.         einvite0222-00

I've enjoyed your site tremendously ~ thank you for giving us a place to vent!

A contender for the title of "World's Tackiest Wedding" is one my husband and   I attended about five years ago. The groom worked for my husband. We didn't   know much about the intended bride, but my husband had heard she was a   dancer. Both the wedding and the reception were to be held in a nice   medium-sized community hall.

We got our first clue about what kind of dancer she might be when the first   attendant walked up the aisle. She was wearing a fire-engine red, skin-tight   off-the-shoulder (and I mean way off-the-shoulder) low-cut mini-dress with   long sleeves, three-inch spiked heels to match, and she was carrying black   roses. The second attendant followed close behind, dressed the same but in black with red roses.

Then here came the white for sure,, and cut so  low we were amazed she didn't pop out of it right there and then. The skirt was as short as her attendants' skirts, but she had a long satin train in tow, and she was wearing long white gloves, and she carried white, red, and black roses.

The ceremony itself went off very quickly and smoothly, we congratulated the couple, then we were invited to partake of the food laid out attractively at a table on the other end of the hall. We decided we would only stay to toast the couple and had only been seated for three or four minutes (plotting our earliest possible escape) when we heard the DJ announce the newly-weds. They headed for their table set slightly aside....but only the groom sat down. The DJ then launched into a rendition of "The Stripper". I'll leave much of the rest to your imagination. Suffice it to say that gloves, long train, and short skirt disappeared, but at least she kept her garter on. This was employed as she went from table to table, dancing for the male members of the  audience. I had heard of money dances before, but I must admit that this took the cake.

We gathered our belongings and our wits, and headed out of there fast. On the way out, one of the men called out to my husband something to the effect of, "What? Leaving so soon?" Another man answered him: "Oh don't worry - he already gave at the office."

That was the last employee's wedding we ever attended. Now we just send a nice gift along with our best wishes, and leave well enough alone.

This was a very small wedding and reception held at a well known Toronto Greek restaurant. The meal was underway when the matron of honor excused herself to go to the ladies room. A few minutes later she came prancing out in her lovely gown but lo and behold she was trailing behind her the end of a toilet paper roll. On and on it went, right to our table.  Everyone in the restaurant was roaring and poor gal had no idea why.

Embarrassing moments? I died seven deaths. Strange after a few years it is nothing more than a memory and a good laugh.

My best friend was invited to be in the wedding of one of her cousins. Everyone knew that the bride was dating a married man and that he was waiting for his divorce to come through before they could marry. Well, in April, all of the family members and friends received invitations to a formal wedding across the country where the bride and groom were now living.

The couple was not crass enough to list were they were registered and what they wanted in their invitation. That information was sent separately several days later. Everyone bought gifts, packed bags, bought plane tickets, and, if they were in the wedding, rented tuxes and bought bridesmaid outfits . Vacation days from work were used to make the trip and everyone paid for their own hotel rooms and meals when they were in town for the event. There was a co-ed bridal shower the day before the wedding so everyone could come and bring additional gifts, even the single men, before attending the rehearsal and dinner afterward.

The next day everyone arrived at the old house where the wedding was to take place and walked down the aisle. When everyone was in place, and the father had given the bride away, but before they said their vows, the groom said that he wanted to talk to all of the guests. No one knew what in the world was coming. He then said that he didn't want anyone to feel like they had been deceived or taken advantage of, but his divorce was not yet final, so the minister was really a friend of his and, instead of a wedding, the guests would be participating in a "commitment ceremony." At that point, the service resumed and the bride and groom recited some stuff they had made up about how much they loved each other, how committed they were to one another, and how much it meant to them to have everyone there with them at this wonderful time. They kissed, had pictures taken, went to the reception, and danced late into the night.

It is now February and the groom's divorce is still not final. He does have a firm court date though.

Page Last Updated May 18, 2007