BRIDESMAIDS AND BEASTMEN
The "tortured" and the "torturees"
Spring 2000
Archive
Jan-Jul 2000 Archive
Jul-Dec 2000 Archives
When my husband and I got engaged, we planned out our wedding well in
advance. Our wedding attendants had approximately 13 1/2 months notice of our big day - so
there was not a big problem with scheduling. Planning for the wedding proceeded smoothly.
Approximately 2 months before the wedding, I received an e-mail from one of my local
attendants [who coincidentally, was a very close friend of mine from law school] talking
about all sorts of things unrelated to my wedding. As a side note, she posited the thought
that she MIGHT not be able to attend the wedding (which was out of state), but that she
was still working on it. I didn't give much thought to it - after all, what good friend of
mine would cancel via e-mail?
My husband and I had an out of state bachelor party/bridal shower weekend a few days
later, which included his parents [also out of towners]. When our plane landed, we found
out that my husband's dad had just died! Naturally, the festivities were all called off. I
called my bridal attendant back home [the friend from law school] and asked her to keep an
eye on our house, since we were going to be gone for much longer than anticipated. I cried
a bit with her on the phone, and she commiserated with me. When I brought up the
possibility of her not being in the wedding, she pushed it aside and told me not to worry.
I figured, she couldn't cancel on me now! The wedding is in just a few weeks, and my
father-in-law just died at our bridal shower/bachelor party location!
When I returned to home a few weeks later, I had an email from that "friend"
of mine. In this letter, she told me that she definitely was not going to be in my
wedding! Via email! The reason? She had to go to a simple ceremony [the "swearing
in" ceremony, which is boring and long and nobody I know has ever wanted to go and
sit through it]. I responded, suggesting that she try and work around that, since she had
committed to me a year earlier! I gave her alternate flight options, since the ceremony
was on a Friday and my wedding was on a Saturday. Again - via email - my
"friend" responded that she was sorry, she was not going to go through all of
that for me. It would be "too much" for her money and time wise. I proceeded to
choose my sister-in-law to fill in the vacancy - whom I honestly wanted all along, but
decided against because she had just given birth. This really worked out best - much
better.
HOWEVER, my "friend" has since [for the past year!] been hounding me trying
to get back her money for her bridesmaid dress!!! Needless to say, the expenses that I
have gone through since she dumped me last minute [in such horrendous circumstances] more
than ate up her dress cost, and she certainly won't be getting that money from me. What a
joke! ebms0306-01
My fiancé asked his brother to be his best man whom we'll call "Jeb" . I
should have had a clue when I got a call at work one day from Jeb telling me that he was
giving us a limo ride for a gift. Jeb insisted that the limo arrive at NOON although the
wedding was 10:30 and we were having a brunch reception and wouldn't be ready to leave
until 2:00 pm. It was a gift so I didn't really argue. He never threw any sort of bachelor
party. The night before the wedding Jeb shows up to my fiancé's drunk in a car rented by
a co-worker. They proceeded to the tux shop were Jeb was unruly in front of other members
of the wedding party and my family. When they got back to the apartment, Jeb called a
waitress that he met at a local restaurant and tied up the phone with his drunken
gibberish.
At the reception, he never gives a toast until he sees that we are cutting the cake and
taking pictures. He then come over and quietly offers a toast to the two of us. Jeb then
disappears. (I need to mention that we specifically had our reception at the church and
therefore, would not have any alcohol served.) We find out later, he is out taking limo
rides and getting drunk on the fully stocked bar that he ordered. He also is taking other
people from the reception for rides. At 2:00 pm, we left and went to a friend's house to
open gifts with very close friends and immediate family. Jeb took another ride in the limo
and brought back a flower for me which he insisted on giving to me right then with a kiss.
We then had to rip through the packages because the limo had to be on another call at 4:00
pm and our hotel was an hour away. (In other words, we did not get to enjoy our family
party because we were rushed off.) As we go out the door, there's Jeb, waiting to kiss the
bride. As I go down the line he appears again to kiss me (eeuw). The third time I told him
to forget it! My husband and I are living happily ever after...in another state!
Ebms0406-01
My friend Karen had 7 bridesmaids because her fiancé had to have every friend he ever
knew in his wedding. It ended up being the brides sister and four close friends. The bride
did not have any more friends, so she had to ask two former coworkers. One ended up being
an ok bridesmaid. I really believe the other one was from HELL! She said she couldn't
afford to pay for the dress, so Karen paid for it. In the meantime, we were absolutely
shocked when we got our dresses. They were an iridescent lavender material with a bow that
tied in the back (YUCK!). The dresses were $200.00 and it cost $75.00 for alterations,
plus $20.00 to steam them. Here we are paying an arm and a leg for hideous dresses, and
one of the "rent a friend" bridesmaids did not show up for the fitting. Nor did
she show for the bridal shower, bachelorette party, or rehearsal.
The day of the wedding comes and we are all glad it is over. I had been up until 3:00
AM making favors for the reception. We are all ready and waiting for this girl to show up.
We called her cell phone and she said she was lost. She finally got to the church and
showed up in a tank top, cutoffs and sandals. No makeup on or hair done. She threw on her
dress and put her hair into some sloppy ponytail thing. She didn't even care that she had
held up the whole wedding. After the wedding we took pictures and drove to the reception.
The bridesmaid from hell didn't even show up. She just left after the ceremony, and didn't
even buy a gift for the Bride and Groom. I guess the moral of the story is: if you don't
have enough friends, get over it!! ebms0430-01
The moral of the story is that you get what you
"pay" for. This bridesmaid knew she was merely a prop to even out the numbers of
attendants and fulfilled the absolute minimum obligations required of models.
I had just got engaged on Christmas Eve and was excited about picking my bridal party!
I ended up with 5 girls, two friends I had known a long time, future sister in law, and 2
girls that I attend school with. Anyway the one bridesmaid (we'll call her Jackie) was
thrilled when I asked her. She was the kind of friend that was very needy and you want to
take under your wing. Well, a couple months after asking her she got a chance to meet my
fiancé' (we'll call him Gary!) and developed a crush on him that almost got out of
control. I should have noticed signs when she said a very vulgar reason why she was late
for school. I also took her to look for wedding gowns and she proceeded to pick one off
the rack and said, "Oh isn't this lovely? I think I will wear this when I marry
Gary!" I stopped speaking to her shortly after she got drunk and made several passes
at him right in front of me! I left a message on her voice mail that she shouldn't be in
my wedding and asked another friend (I should have asked in the first place) to do the
honor. ebms0517-01
My lovely cousin, "Evie," eloped with her husband, "Michael," about
a year ago, in a quiet ceremony attended by their immediate families. However, Michael
comes from a very large extended family; due to pressure from this family, they eventually
agreed to have a large, public wedding later on in the year (last fall). Even though they
are not exactly rolling in it, they shouldered the entire cost of the wedding. When my
cousin called me last summer to ask me to be a bridesmaid in the wedding, I inwardly
winced, as this would be my fourth "tour of duty" as a wedding attendant that
year. Flying interstate, buying the dress, etc. - it all really adds up and it would be a
real financial hardship for me. However, naturally I immediately accepted and I looked
forward with joy to seeing my cousin for the first time in years, meeting her new husband,
and spending some time with other family members. My cousin's little sister,
"Monika," was her maid of honor - I hadn't seen her since she was about 14 or 15
(she was in her early twenties now). I hoped she had changed from the rather selfish &
manipulative little person I remember. My hopes were unanswered.
When I arrived at Evie's a few days before the wedding, she was in tears. It seems that
Monika had been dating a guy named "Joe" at the time invitations had been sent
out & he had been invited. But naturally, Joe and Monika had broken up, then gotten
back together, broken up... you get the picture. Pressed for an accurate head count a few
weeks before the wedding, Evie and Michael had asked Monika to say conclusively if Joe
were coming and Monika said no. Now, just days before the wedding, Monika had changed her
tune and said Joe *would* be coming and demanded that they sit together. When told by
Michael that the seating arrangements had already been made and it might not be possible
for them to sit together, Monika pitched a fit, called Michael names, threatened to not
come to the wedding, and hung up the phone. My aunt (the MOB) had taken Monika's side and
now Evie was in tears because she might be missing a MOH! Meanwhile, Michael was pissed as
hell, because apparently this sort of manipulative emotional blackmail had been Monika's
m.o. throughout - well, I could have told them that - and not being related to her, he
wasn't really as forgiving as the rest of us saps.
Anyway, in the end, told Monika that they would try to accommodate this fabulous
on-again, off-again boyfriend, but it might not be possible for them to sit at the same
table, unless someone canceled or didn't show up - which they wouldn't know till the
wedding. But the story is not over. Earlier in the month, Monika had sent us e-vites for a
bachelorette party for Evie scheduled for the night before the wedding (this was about all
that she did as a MOH). Since Evie was technically already married, it was not so much a
"traditional" bachelorette party, as a chance for all the girls in the wedding
party (and other close friends) to go out on the town and hang out together. Monika had
picked a very expensive local bar for this event, set the time, etc. I might add that she
lives in a different town, and would be flying in that evening for this event after work,
since her job is "too important" to take half a day for her sister's party.
Well, as the evening encroached, Monika called and revealed that she's had to work
late, then her plane had been delayed, and we should just go ahead to the bar and she
would join us there. We arrived at the bar to find out that it was packed to the gills,
they had no idea we would be coming, and we were going to have to wait to get in. However,
they took pity on us and seated us very quickly. By this point, as you might imagine, Evie
was pretty steamed at Monika. As we sat around, she told us that Monika (who writes for
some zine) had written a scathing column about weddings, how stupid they are, how lame it
is to be involved in a wedding, and then proudly showed it to Evie. Lovely! When Monika
finally arrived, more than an hour late, she seemed sullen and unfriendly... clearly
didn't want to be there. This bar - which *she* had suggested - was really outrageously
expensive, and she started complaining about the drink prices. When the bill came, it was
something like $40 per person (obviously, the bride was NOT going to be required to pay
for her own drinks!!!). Monika looked at the bill and put in $15. That's when I lost it
and said, "No, I'm sorry, it's $40 not $15." To her credit, she grudgingly paid
up.
The wedding was the next day and Monika did nothing at all to help her sister get
dressed, made up, etc. Evie's best friend (who should have been the MOH in my opinion)
wound up doing all the traditional MOH duties, helped out by me. The other bridesmaid, the
groom's sister, didn't do anything. Monika bailed out of a nail appointment that she and
Evie had together that morning (intended to give them some alone time) without saying
anything. When she arrived at the house, it was clear that she was irritated and didn't
really want to be there. She expressed her vexation loudly to anyone who would listen.
Apparently, she was still upset about the whole seating arrangement situation & the
fact that she was required to waste her time in the wedding. Of course, she just made
veiled biting comments about various things that the bride was doing.
The wedding itself was gorgeous, but throughout the entire thing, Monika made it clear
how much she didn't want to be there. She did get to sit together with her precious
boyfriend, so she clung to him the entire time, talking mostly to him and her parents, and
generally sulking. She didn't really attempt to mingle, socialize, etc. and left fairly
early, claiming "headache." Needless to say, she didn't show up the next day at
the post-wedding open-house brunch held by the newlyweds at their house for anyone who was
still around and wanted to drop by. But here's the best (worst) part - she told her mother
that she had been mortally offended by the shabby way she had been treated by Evie and
Michael and that she would never speak to them again unless they apologized to her and
Joe!! Her mother then turned around and told the newlyweds to apologize for not being
accommodating enough and treating poor little Monika so cruelly. Um, hello? Well, I guess
little Miss Manipulative eventually relented and they're all back on speaking terms. Some
people are gluttons for punishment! :) ebms 0228-01
Undoubtibly the reason why Evie and Michael eloped in the
first place was to avoid family fiascos like this one.
I was married this past summer and my very good friend (who I had known for over 13
years) let me down in a big way. Apparently, the night of the rehearsal dinner, she was
going around asking the other bride's maids what time they would be leaving the wedding,
asking if they planned to stay until the end. The day of my wedding, she arrived late and
barely spoke to me. I hardly noticed the behavior at the time--since I was in my own
world. We cut the cake around 8 (reception began at 6). Instead of tossing a bouquet to
the bride's maids, I decided to have each one pull a sterling silver charm out of the
cake. The DJ called all the bridesmaids together. I thought they were all there. I was
getting ready to begin when I heard the DJ say "wait! We're missing one bride's
maid!" I looked around. Who was missing? Then I noticed--Mary wasn't around. I said
to my bridal party, "Where's Mary?" They looked at the floor, each other,
everywhere but at me. The woman I had been to hell and back with, the one who I had been a
maid of honor in her own wedding, had left. Gone off to go to the beach with her husband.
Said goodbye to my husband but never bothered to find me. If you look at my wedding video,
you can hear it loud and clear. "Mary Left..." one of the bride's maids said,
And my reply: "That bitch!" I look around, assess the situation, and grab my new
sister-in-law and instruct her to pull out a charm. I haven't spoken to Mary
since.... Ebms 0301-01
Given the unladylike, impolite and crude reaction of the
bride, it is no wonder the other bridesmaids hemmed and hawwed since none of them appear
to want to be the bearer of bad tidings and getting eaten alive for it. There
may be good reason why "Mary" left the reception bidding good bye to the groom
but not the bride.
This story is one which I would rather forget about - unfortunately that is not
possible because I'm the bridesmaid under question! I am still so embarrassed by what
happened - no amount of apologizing will ever make me forget about it. It was the day of a
good friend's wedding - the Maid of Honor and I had finished having our hair done at the
hairdressers - the bride and 3 other bridesmaids were still waiting, so we offered to go
back to the bride's house and finish organizing some last minute details. Everyone agreed
- so we went on our way, but stopped on the way to pick up some fast food for lunch. We
got back, ate our lunch, tied up some loose ends and made our way to the homestead where
the wedding was to take place, as agreed.
Fast forward to the reception - the wedding was simply gorgeous - the bride radiant,
the flowers exquisite. The setting was dreamlike - they were married at an old homestead
on an Australian farm. The weather was beautiful, the ceremony flawless. The reception was
going well too - until the speeches started. About halfway through my husband's speech (he
was the best man) I started to feel dizzy. A couple of minutes later I could feel my face
flushing and I started to feel nauseous. What was wrong? I do not drink alcohol, because I
am allergic to one of the preservatives in it. So - I wasn't drunk, but I was certainly
feeling that way. I knew there were a few speeches to go... and with their progression I
continued to feel worse. Soon I was unable to focus my eyes and the speeches were starting
to sound strange. I knew that I just couldn't continue sitting up the front of the room in
this condition. I thought every eye in the room must be on me - if I looked as bad as I
felt I'd certainly be more interesting than the speeches. The bridesmaid sitting next to
me (Anna) had guessed that something was wrong, and she quizzed me between speeches - we
didn't want to be so rude as to talk during them. She asked for a glass of water and I
sipped at it slowly. It helped me slightly, for a short time, then it got worse again.
Anna told me there was only one thing to do - I had to get up, walk to the back of the
room and get to the toilets. Not easy to be inconspicuous when you're part of the bridal
party. I was so reluctant to do it - I just didn't want to be getting up while someone was
making a speech. Nonetheless, I was starting to feel delirious, so I knew that it was what
I had to do... I waited until the next speech finished, got up, then proceeded to sway my
way across the room. I will never forget how humiliated I was - especially when I heard
one of the guests mutter 'Oh, how vile - she had too much to drink.' I just kept on
walking (swaying) until I got to the toilets. The owner of the homestead was standing
nearby, and he gave me a funny look. 'I know I'm rude, but I need to get there' I said -
he helped me into the toilets and I sat down and rested my face against the cool tiles. I
was feeling so bad - and I couldn't even have my husband in to comfort me - there was no
way on earth I would have allowed another bridal party member to leave while the speeches
were on.
Luckily I had only missed one (very long) speech - when they had finished and the bride
came in to see why I had to leave the bridal table. I tried to explain what I was feeling,
but everything I said was garbled. She knew that I wouldn't have had anything to drink,
but I could tell she was worried by my behavior. The Maid of Honor came in and sent the
bride out for the cutting of the cake. We worked out that either one of my drinks had been
spiked or the take away we'd had for lunch must not have agreed with me. It could even
have been standing outside in the sun for the ceremony. As soon as my husband was able, he
came in to see what was wrong - he had noticed that I wasn't well, but couldn't do
anything about it. He slowly walked me outside to the cool air and we sat until I was able
to focus my eyes again. The groom came out and told my hubby to get me to hospital, but I
refused. The groom wouldn't have any of it, though - he told me that either he or my
husband was going to take me to the hospital right now - would I rather the best man or
the groom leave the wedding? I asked if I could just sit still for a little while longer.
The bride's parents came out to see me, and I apologized for my behavior. Even though I
knew I wasn't drunk, my behavior was like that of someone who was 'plastered'. I felt so
degraded to know that the majority of the guests would be thinking they knew exactly why
I'd had to leave. Not long after, I glimpsed the bride and groom coming outside - they
must have thrown the bouquet and garter - I couldn't think of any other reason the groom
would be wearing the bride's petticoat! I deemed it reasonable to leave at this stage. We
got to the hospital and they told me there wasn't much they could do - I just had to ride
it out. We went home and I spent a few hours in a cool bath, trying to lower my
temperature. By morning I was fine, and I spent the entire day apologizing to the newly
married couple and their families. They said they understood, but there must have been a
small amount of doubt - if I'd seen someone acting the way I was, I know what I'd think! I
am so grateful that I wasn't physically sick at the wedding - I wouldn't ever have been
able to look any of the guests in the eye ever again! Even though we joke about it now,
whenever the story is told I cringe - even though I know it wasn't my fault.
Ebms 0302-01
My college roommate, and so called "friend", used to call me to either cry
about her latest guy trouble, or brag about what her latest guy(s) had given her. That was
it, she never really asked about me. Well, when she found out I was getting married she
just went on and on about what dress she would get to wear in my wedding and that she
should pick it out and give me ideas, etc. I really didn't want her in my wedding, and was
gradually trying to break it off with her anyway, but I felt pressured and couldn't be
mean and say no, even if she did invite herself to be a bridesmaid. She tried to be my
maid of honor, but I told her it was a tradition to pick a family member, so my cousin was
my choice(whew!).
When it came time for my wedding she wanted me to pay for her airline ticket to fly
across the country, but I told her that I was so strapped for cash, since it was all going
toward the wedding. But when she arrived at our hotel, she tried to get my credit card to
"hold her room" she said, and luckily my mom stepped in and said no, so she used
her own, which I didn't understand why she couldn't use in the first place. I had mailed
her dress to her, and told her the length the hem should be from the floor, and I also
bought her shoes for her and sent those too. However, when it came time for the wedding
she didn't have her dress hemmed at all, and brought different shoes with her. She totally
complained about the food we had for the rehearsal dinner, which she didn't pay for. She
was having her period and came in my bathroom and got blood on the floor and toilet seat.
She whined that I wasn't spending enough time with her and she flew all this way, but I
told her I had to get my hair done and my nails done right before the wedding.
And worst of all....... and this is bad...... At the reception, she tried to get one of
the groomsmen(hubby's cousin) into bed, and it was so completely obvious to his family,
who sent his brothers to intervene. Finger pointing, nasty names, accusations of slutty,
trampy behavior, etc. That wasn't good enough though. She decided to go for another
groomsman, since that one didn't workout, and literally attacked hubby's best friend in
front of several bystanders. I can't believe he slept with her! And she made a date with
another one for later, but when the guy got there, the last one was still there. All I
heard about for years later was what a slut she was, and how no one could believe how
trashy and trampy and what a whore she was, and how she almost got his cousin. Overall
though we had a beautiful wedding. ebms 0305-01
My "friend" had a wedding extravaganza that went on for about 5 days
straight. Well I went out of my way to attend every organizational event, dinner,
pre-party, post parties, you name it. I ended up spending about $600.00 on the whole thing
and believe me I was POOR! Well she never spoke to me after and when I got angry and told
her over email that I wanted to see the wedding photos she had promised me, she sent me
about five photos of myself in the most hideous pictures that have ever been taken of me.
In one I was yelling at my boyfriend, another apparently glaring at all the bridesmaids,
and the others were all of my back! Unbelievable. We no longer speak. And I hate weddings
and have vowed to never do anything like that to my friends. ebms0529-01
Last year I was in her wedding. It was held outdoors, in July, in Denver, mid-day. It
was hot and there was no shade. The bridesmaids were stuck in pink satin gowns
(floor-length, of course) with organza straps so every bit of sweat was going to show. The
men were in tuxes. Of course, it wasnt a formal wedding so no one else was dressed
up like this. She told me over and over again just what a great deal her BMs dresses
were. Yeah right. I spent $180 on the dress and another $85 on the alterations, not to
mention $40 on shoes and a bit more for a matching purse. Great deal. Not to mention that
I didnt really want to be a BM anyway. She asked me just after DH and I got engaged.
One of her BMs had dropped out and she needed an extra to make the sides even
(although she never said that). When she asked me, I told her that it wasnt a good
time for me (DH and I were moving in together the weekend before her wedding and we were
traveling to Denver) and that, given that I was in another wedding a month earlier, I
really couldnt afford it. She wouldnt take no for an answer so, realizing that
I needed to do this for future family harmony, I said yes.
Throughout the wedding planning process she went on and on about the details she was
planning and why her ideas were great and that mine, which were different, werent as
great. She told me that I would feel the same way during my planning process (I
didnt). She justified every detail to me on a daily basis. For example, she had a
shower in her hometown (where I live) and invited only women and her male relatives. She
announced over and over again that this was so that her fiancé would be able to get to
know her relatives. When I foolishly suggested that she plan an activity for them during
the shower she said that everyone loves showers so they should be there. (In the end, they
went into the bedroom and watched sports other than her fiancé who was forced to endure
the entire shower.)
On to her descent into etiquette hell. After we all endured this all of last spring and
early summer, I was getting into the planning for my wedding. I asked her to be a BM (like
I had a choice, for family unity). I sent all of the BMs a swatch of fabric and told
them to get any dress that was floor length in about that color. I didnt care if the
color was exactly the same as long as it was close. If it was ankle length instead of
floor length that was good too. You would have thought that I had given SIL the worst
possible assignment. She obviously had completely forgotten the stress of wedding planning
as she called me daily to let me know how difficult it was to find the right dress. When
we shopped together over New Years (when we were vacationing together) she vetoed several
lovely dresses stating that she would over-shadow me. (Like any dress would over-shadow a
big pouffy wedding dress.) In the end, she had one made, and complained that it was a
bridesmaid dress and that she wouldnt be able to wear it again.
ebms0530-01
As soon as my husband proposed I knew exactly who I wanted in the wedding party. My
choices for bridesmaids included my husband-to-be's two sisters, Sally and Tonya. At the
time I was living in Seattle, WA and trying to plan a wedding in my home town of Tampa, FL
(where my mother and sister live). I felt I was missing out on some of the traditional
wedding planning activities I would normally share with my family and close friends.
Luckily, we lived close to Tonya who had become a good friend and accompanied me while I
searched for wedding and bridesmaid gowns. Tonya was pleased when I showed her the photo
of the dress I had chosen for my attendants. She liked the fabric and felt the idea of my
purchasing the fabric and pattern for the girls was a nice gesture. Their costs would be
shoes and seamstress fees, which we both felt was reasonable.
As the wedding date approached, Tonya seemed to undergo a personality transformation.
She began criticizing me constantly, saying that I was overly obsessive about the wedding
details and not being a gracious bride. In fact, she refused to have her dress made
floor-length as I had asked, stating that she would not be able to dance in it at the
reception. The dress was done ankle length. I offered to purchase a pair of satin flats
for her to wear during the ceremony and pictures, so the length of her dress would match
that of the others. She refused. Finally, feeling that I had somehow offended Tonya, I
sent her flowers with a note saying how much I appreciated all her help with the wedding.
I received no response. When I called to ask if she received the flowers, Tonya told me
the arrangement was small and that she still felt I was being obsessive. I decided not to
let the situation with Tonya get me down and to just go with the flow and enjoy my
wedding.
Things with Tonya proceeded to get worse. On the wedding day, she ran around looking
for a pair of scissors to cut off the floor-length slip she was to wear under her dress
because it was hanging out. She did not smile in any of the pictures and then changed into
a hideous sequined dress at the reception! Needless to say, I was offended and hurt. To
this day I do not know what sparked this behavior, and my relationship with Tonya has
never been the same. ebms0611-01
Ok... My fiancé (now hubby) and I got engaged in 1998. We decided to wait until 2000
to get married when he was out of school. Upon our engagement, I asked my then best-friend
to be my maid of honor. All I ever got from her was a shocked gasp of "wow." She
went back to college that summer and join a sorority and that was the last I heard from
her until the year I got married. Needless to say I gave up on her as my Maid of Honor.
My next Maid of Honor was a good friend of mine since I was 12. She was completely
flattered and even cried when I asked her and said yes. I was really happy, I finally had
a TRUE Maid of Honor... Ha ha ha. She joined a sorority that Spring and I never heard from
HER again.
My THIRD (yes THIRD) Maid of Honor was a friend that I'd had since I was 8. I figured
she was safe. Wrong again! She found a boyfriend that she "couldn't live
without" (even if he beat her) and she "had" to drop all of her friends.
Three strikes... After that I was very hesitant to select a new Maid of Honor. Who could
blame me? Six months later I finally get the courage to ask again, this time my best
friend from High School. She eagerly agreed and we started planning things that night. I
was so ecstatic! FINALLY a friend that was eager for this role. Ha ha ha, joke was on me
again. Nope - this one stuck it out... Although I sometimes wish she hadn't. Kristy (the
Maid of Honor) agreed to be my Maid of Honor in 1999. That gave her a year of planning.
Since we had three years to plan the wedding many things were left until about 6 months
before the wedding. That's when things started to go wrong... The Third maid of honor came
back into my life and was added as an attendant to the wedding. My fiancé and I had
decided on three bridesmaids, a maid of honor, two best men and two ushers/groomsmen. Well
she got back together with the ex she had sworn off so I had to replace her in May of 2000
(our wedding was September 16. 2000). ebms0620-01
When my best friend got engaged last year, she asked me to be her MOH. This selection
was quite controversial, as she has been friends with me and another girl, whom I will
call Candy, for the same length of time (about 12 years--since junior high). Candy is the
kind of girl who lives and dies for weddings and who was crushed by being "only a
bridesmaid". She especially hated to lose out to me, because she considers herself a
superior person and friend to the bride, whom I will call Samara, in every way.
Samara was very worried about Candy's feelings when she made me her choice.
"Please include her in the planning of the shower and the bachelorette party,"
she begged me. Foolishly, I agreed. I called Candy to talk about the planning of these
parties in November (the wedding was in the following July). We are all scattered around
the country, so it seemed prudent to start early. My mother and I were going to co-host
the shower at my parents' home, and throw quite a lovely Martha Stewart-esque fete,
complete with china and silver and all the gourmet food made by us from scratch.
Therefore, we couldn't invite a huge number of people. Twelve was our limit, we decided.
The bride kindly provided us with a list of about 12 people.
Candy comes from an enormous family. She has five sisters, a sister-in-law, a mother,
and a grandmother, and Candy believed that they should ALL be invited. Never mind that
none of them but the sister-in-law is close to the bride. Never mind that two of the
sisters are still in grade school and are completely spoiled brats with bad manners. Never
mind that the grandmother is out of her mind with Alzheimer's and doesn't even know who
the bride is. Candy wanted them there, so Candy just assumed that they would be invited.
She didn't even ask me...she just started saying things like, "Oh, my grandmother
will have so much fun at this shower!" So I was FORCED to explain that I couldn't
invite her grandmother (because her grandmother wasn't even invited to the wedding!).
Candy tried to argue, saying her grandmother wouldn't care and should still come to the
shower. I put my foot down and said I couldn't break that rule of etiquette.
Then I had to tell her that her two youngest sisters were not invited because it wasn't
"age appropriate" (translation: they will trash my house and my party). And then
we agreed that one of the sisters didn't know the bride and so shouldn't be included.
Which left the mother, the sister-in-law, and two sisters, whom the bride and I knew as
acquaintances. The mother and sister-in-law I invited, because Samara had requested it.
But the two sisters, Samara and I weren't sure about. I told Candy in March, "You
decide whether your two sisters should be invited, and let me know your answer very
soon." Candy never called me back, apparently furious because I'd disinvited her
senile grandmother and her two bratty sisters. So, come May, when invitations went out, I
assumed Candy didn't want me to invite the two older sisters. I went on about my shower
plans. I'd asked Candy repeatedly what she wanted to do, but she acted all sullen and
petulant, still pouting because she wasn't getting to do everything herself. She never
called me to volunteer to help with anything, and tasks I assigned her didn't get done (so
now I have to do them at the last minute). But she would call the bride regularly and
complain about me "leaving her out" of the planning. It became clear that what
Candy really wanted to do was make me and Samara miserable because she didn't get chosen
to be the MOH.
Enter the beginning of June. The shower is a week and a half away. Antique dishes were
washed and wiped by hand. Silver was polished. Flowers were ordered. Goody bags were
assembled. RSVPs were mostly in. My mother and I had cleaned the house from top to bottom
in preparation for 13 anticipated shower guests (one was a last-minute addition by the
bride). As I live 250 miles from my mother's house, I was driving a 500 mile round trip
for several weekends before the shower to help her prepare. I get a casual email from the
bride one Tuesday morning. "Oh, by the way," she says, "Candy's upset. She
told her sisters that they were invited to the shower, and they went and bought presents,
but they didn't get formal invitations. It's no problem to invite two more, is it?"
NO PROBLEM??? We're talking about a house already crammed to the gills with people. We're
talking about gourmet food for two more to prepare. We're talking about two more $6 goody
bags to go put together. And let's not even talk about the fact that Candy refuses to
speak to me directly, but instead whines about me to the bride regularly (and Samara has
enough stress of her own at this point). So I decide to be gracious and invite the two
sisters. We make room. We break out the silver plate and mix it with the regular silver. I
make a couple of extra goody bags.
All is right again. And what happens? Candy finds another way to make me look bad. I
have to change the date of the bachelorette party from Thursday night to Saturday night
(at the behest of the bride and other guests). As soon as the date is locked in, we find
out that Candy (a nurse who works the night shift) has to work that night and can't come.
So, of course, Candy calls the bride and whines about how unfair it is that I changed
things without telling her. So, now the bride is blaming me, and I am secretly blaming the
bride (who sees Candy every day and never told her about the change). Basically, Candy is
a passive aggressive you-know-what-with-a-B who is trying to sabotage things when they
don't go her way...and the bride is too much of a peacemaker to take a stand for what is
right (which would be to tell Candy to piss up a rope). As MOH, I feel like it's my job to
take whatever abuse the bride heaps upon me (within reason) and swallow hard, because I
don't want to create more problems for her. But I'm thinking that at the shower, I will
tell Candy that I have something to show her down in the cellar...and then
"accidentally" lock her in...with my hungry, vicious Doberman. If only.
Ebms0627-01
Last year a friend of mine got married, her MOH and best friend, was living out of
state and attending grad school and unable to throw a bridal shower. So myself and another
bridesmaid threw the shower and the MOH agreed to host the bachelorette party a few days
before the wedding while everyone was in town. The bridal shower went beautifully and I
personally was relieved that some of my duties as a bridesmaid were over.
As the wedding date approached all the bridesmaids assured the MOH that we would be
happy to help her with preparations for the bachelorette. Since she was coming from out of
state it might be more difficult for her to make arrangements. About two weeks before the
wedding another bridesmaid, "Betty", was concerned that invitations for the
bachelorette party had not been sent out and no preparations had been made. Since we all
new the MOH would only be arriving the morning of the party we thought it was best to have
as many things ready (such as dinner reservations and plans for a night on the town)
beforehand as possible. Then the MOH comes up with a plan to have the bachelorette at the
bride's home! Since the MOH was staying with her she thought the locale was rather
convenient. The other bridesmaids, myself included, thought this was not only
inappropriate but also inconsiderate of the MOH to invite the bride to host her own party!
Fortunately, another close friend, who was not even in the wedding party, offered to have
the dinner at her home provided that the MOH bring the food and games and make plans for
going out afterwards.
The MOH did finally send out email invitations three days before the party to the
people she knew and postcards to the people she did not! The party was scheduled to start
at 6pm, since I was a bridesmaid I decided to arrive early and help the MOH and the host
setup. When I arrived the house was clean and the other bridesmaids were there. Then a few
people from the bride's office started showing up but no MOH. Soon after the bride
arrives, however, there is still no food since the MOH said she was bringing it, and of
course still no MOH. At 8pm, after we have all been standing around cooling our heels for
TWO HOURS she arrives with apologies galore. The "food" is homemade tacos with
store bought taco shells and margaritas mix. It turns out that the MOH decided that her
fiancé who had come from out of state with her needed to be dropped off on the other side
of the town at the groom's office so he could hang out with the guys that evening.
Although he could have easily been picked up by another friend or taken the train the MOH
decided one hour before the party that she had to do it. Unfortunately for her it was the
middle of rush hour and since we live in a big city she had gotten stuck in traffic.
Finally we all eat, open gag gifts, play some games and decide to head out to give the
bride a fun night on the town. While we are out the MOH, who is engaged, makes a move on
every guy who can walk. As we go from club to club she proceeds to drink more than her
share of alcohol. The rest of us make sure that the bride stops drinking after awhile so
she won't be hung over for the bridesmaid's luncheon the next day. But of course no one
pays attention to the MOH. Then we all decide to head back to the house. Not once, but
twice on the way back the MOH vomits in the back of the car and then once more on the
host's front lawn. The next day at the bridesmaids' luncheon she has to excuse herself
three times to head for the bathroom. Needless to say just about everyone involved in the
wedding was appalled at her tackiness at her own best friend's wedding.
Ebms0717-01
My MoH decided to throw me a bridal shower and she decided to do all the invites by
hand. Well, they didn't get mailed out until about a week before the party. Real short
notice for all my relatives who live up to 2 hrs away. She had the party at a small park,
she and my sis-in-law to be picked me up and at the park she sat down and proceeded to
write out mothers day cards (one from her cat to her mother!) while my SiL and I got the
decorations up and prepared the food. After the party, she sat and talked to her mother
while my SiL, my MiL, my mother and I cleaned up! Ebms0803-01
This story is about a Bridesmaid from Hell. I was in a celebrity wedding about a
year and a half ago... Well first off I will say that my friend, the bride, was already
married in a civil ceremony on an island a year earlier, and just wanted to have "her
big day" and really "do it up" so to speak. Which was fine, because her
millionaire husband could MORE than afford it. So fast forward to 2 weeks before the
wedding...
The bride flies down to her hometown to meet with all the bridesmaids and to bring all
the custom made dresses with her for a final fitting. So after the fitting, we all go to a
restaurant and have a good time just chatting and laughing... When it's over, Old Spinster
Bridesmaid from Hell (she's the oldest one at 32 and unmarried) traps everyone at the door
and *tells* (no prior invitation at all) us that the bride's shower is going to be in 3
days! At some high priced comedy/sports/entertainment club in the city. She then demands
$120.00 on the spot from everyone (I guess to cover the cost of the entertainment and
food) and criticizes me to my face that I should have been prepared for this and I had no
excuse (even though I was a single mother and student at the time who was behind both in
rent and car payments!).
As much as I hated to decline, for my friend's sake (the bride), I said I would have a
hard time getting a sitter on such short notice. Fast forward again to the wedding.... The
wedding itself (beautiful by the way) was in the bride's new hometown, so everyone had to
fly out to get there (what a fiasco that was!!!). Most of the time before the actual
ceremony was a fiasco, and on top of it I had to (along with other unfortunate souls) deal
with the "old spinster bridesmaid from hell" saying things from how terrible and
irresponsible it is to be a single mother (to my face, in front of other people), to how
come one of the bridesmaids flew in the day of the wedding instead of the day before like
everyone else (mind you, she was taking classes for her masters degree, and had to finish
a mandatory lecture that Friday night and was on the first flight out Saturday morning for
the wedding) and she even went so far as to say "what kind of friend is she to not
sacrifice".... Ebms1002-01
I got married back in April 1998, I had 4 bridesmaids and a maid of honor, One of my
bridesmaids was my 18 year old sister-in-law to be. She refused to work with the other
girls to plan the shower, she even stiffed my maid of honor with her portion of the gift
and food. She asked her sister (my other bridesmaid) to pay for her dress, claiming she
didn't have any money and then went out and bought new sneakers and jacket. Not a day went
by for 4 months before the wedding that she didn't fight with either the other girls or my
husband to be about how much she hated being a part of the wedding and how she couldn't
stand either one of us.
Then to top it off the week before the shower she gets in a fight with her mother (my
mother-in-law) and tells her that no one likes her or wants her at the shower and to keep
her fat but home and hangs up on her. My mother-in-law then calls her family members who
were invited and tells them the shower is off! Because of my bridesmaid from hell our
shower was ruined, I was livid! my husband couldn't believe his sister was trying to ruin
his wedding. So needless to say we made sure she was not at the shower, unfortunately his
mother and some family did not attend. We left her home and did not have anything to do
with her after that! She even talked about us behind our back at the reception and
insulted a couple of my friends and family, not to mention her own family she insulted and
hurt. I hope no one ever experiences something like what went through.
Ebms1108-01
I lived miles and miles away from all my original bridesmaids and all but my maid of
honor dropped out at the last minute, leaving me to scramble to fill spots so we would
have an even number of attendants. My sister-in-law graciously filled a spot as did my
brother (ok, he was a male, but at least he stood up on my side), leaving me with one more
spot to fill. I had become close to a girl that I had taken several classes in college
with...we'll call her...Nancy. So, after days of hemming and hawing I took it upon myself
to ask her. She immediately said yes and was jumping around with joy....I took this as a
good sign and gave her a swatch of material, gave her the dates, all the pertinent
information, etc etc.
Three days before the wedding my sister-in-law planned a nice get together for me, my
bridesmaids, a few single female friends, and my two out of town male guests that were
staying with me. We went to a nice Italian restaurant...my best friend/MoH split a dinner,
as did most others, as the portions were HUGE...but Nancy ordered her own plate, ate about
1/4 of it (she was really tiny) and then didn't even ask to take the rest home. My
sister-in-law ended up paying for a dinner which got thrown in the trash, which Nancy
didn't even say thanks for.
Next stop...my apartment...where we threw a couple pitchers of Fuzzy Navels together
and talked until the wee hours...except Nancy...who got smashed and then proceeded to put
the moves on my best friend from childhood (yes, a male) who unfortunately fell for it and
started mooning about his new "girlfriend."
Flash forward to the wedding day. I take my bridal party out to a nice breakfast at a
restaurant near the site of the wedding. Everything's going fine...till Nancy takes off in
her car...she forgot something at home...45 minutes away. And all our dresses are in the
back of her car. So. The wedding's at 3. It's 1:30 and she's still not back. I'm calling
everywhere, frantic..."Have you heard from Nancy?" Nothing. Finally at 1:45 she
walks in. "Oops! I forgot they were in there!" We rush to the chapel, throw on
our clothes in the heat, and sweat to death. The ceremony, at least, goes without too many
hitches. We take some after ceremony pictures, and the reception starts....Nancy promptly
has too much to drink and proceeds to get a raging headache. Two hours into the
reception...when the photographer wants to take a few more pictures....Nancy is nowhere to
be found. Upon asking..."Oh, she and that guy she invited (NOT on the guest list)
went off somewhere...I think they went back to the hotel?"
Needless to say...Nancy...who was supposed to drive my car back to the hotel, along
with the rest of my bridesmaids, and help pack up gifts (all things she PROMISED she would
do since she was the only one who knew where she was going) ...did not show up for the
remainder of the wedding. To top it all off, we never did get a gift from her, my best
friend ended up paying for HER hotel room, and when I tried calling her to find out what
happened, her parents told me she wasn't available...I tried calling her several times
after that, and got "This number has been disconnected." I haven't talked to her
since...and its been 4 years. Some friend. ebms1202-01
Hi, I'll try to keep this short but you will probably have to cut it way down. There
were a lot of little things my MOH (and her relatives) did that added up to a truly
horrible experience. I was a first time bride at the advanced age of 38 and had no
relatives who could be in the wedding and had only attended one wedding in my whole life
and had no idea who did or paid for what. I was paying for the wedding by myself (on a
minimum wage) so it was very small. My husband-to-be's 13 year-old daughter (Mary) was the
maid of honor meaning I needed an adult to sign the license. I asked the woman who had
introduced us (Sarah) to be the matron of honor and she accepted. Her spoiled brat of a
sister (Sue) pouted and whined and moaned because she wanted to be in a wedding too.
Sarah's mother finally asked me if we couldn't let Sue be in the wedding. Since I didn't
know any better, I was paying for all the dresses, shoes, jewelry and hairdressing for my
two attendants and adding a 3rd was really going to hurt. I agreed in the end just so I
could keep Sarah. As it turned out, I may have been better with someone else. I wanted
white lace and the girls in something blue. I told Sarah that if she found a dress she
liked, she could get it since we had no particular style or color yet. We spent weeks
looking for a dress for me, Sarah, and the two girls. I finally found exactly what I
wanted and cute dresses for the girls. We also found a dress that was made out of a lace
similar to the pattern of my dress but a blue color like the girls dresses. I happily
bought this for Sarah and we were all set. Mary and I spent the night before the wedding
at Sarah's apartment as I was living with Mike at the time but wanted to do the old
"can't see the bride before the wedding" thing. What a mistake! Sarah went
shopping for something or other and I decided to take a bath. The two girls were down 2
fights of stairs in the basement playing video games. Suddenly, Sarah's boyfriend (who I
slightly knew and only barely tolerated) is knocking on the bathroom door offering to wash
my back. I politely told him no but he kept trying the handle. It became apparent that he
had been drinking heavily as he started to try and get me to let him come in so he could
have sex with me. THE NIGHT BEFORE MY WEDDING!!!! I wasn't sure how sturdy the latch was
on the bathroom door so I opened the laundry chute door in the bathroom and called for
Mary to come up for a minute. When she got up the stairs, there was no one in the hall and
I made her stay with me while I dried off and put on nightie and robe. I was supposed to
sleep upstairs in Sue's bedroom and the girls were going to bunk in the basement, but I
was afraid the boyfriend would try something in the middle of the night so I told Sarah
that Sue's bed was too hard and I would sleep on the other couch in the basement with
Mary. This was bad enough but not really Sarah's fault (except for having such a sleazy
boyfriend). What was bad was the next day when I was trying to get dressed. We came back
from the hairdresser's and proceeded to do our makeup, etc. Sarah pulls this dress out of
her closet and puts it on the bed. I asked her what she had that dress out for and she
said it was her MOH dress. It was no longer lace and was a very different shade of blue
from the girl's dresses. It would not match any of us. I asked her what had happened to
the dress we had picked out together, the one I had paid for. She said she decided it made
her butt look big and since I had told her she could have any dress she wanted, she took
it back and got this one. How I refrained from pointing that I had said that before we had
my dress or the girls' I don't know. It was way too late to do anything anyway since I had
to be at the church in 2 hours. I struggled into my petticoats alone as Sarah was helping
Sue (11 years-old) get dressed. I had to call her in though to help get the dress over my
hair and makeup without messing either. She reluctantly came in to assist. I was wearing
my hair long and loose with just a wreath of flowers because I couldn't really afford a
headpiece and veil but I still thought it was beautiful. I got my hair caught in the
zipper at the back of my dress and was stuck with my head in a weird position. I looked
around for Sarah to help me get it untangled but she was gone again! I couldn't go
downstairs as I couldn't see the stairs with my head stuck the way it was. Calling
produced no answer. I went to the window to see if she was on the porch. Sure enough, she
was downstairs taking pictures of Sue. I have lots of pictures of Sue getting ready on my
wedding day but only 3 of me or Mary. I finally got her attention and she came up to
untangle me. In the limo ride to the wedding, Sarah drank both bottles of champagne except
for one glass and then insisted that we stop on the way for more. There's more but this is
too long already. ebms 1219-01
My own wedding story is a both a comedy and a tragedy. My husband was helpful in every
area but one....dealing with his sister. His sister, whom I shall refer to as
"Jane," was upset about the fact that I was "stealing" her brother.
She proceeded to cry every time the wedding was mentioned and refused to be a bridesmaid
(although I was informed that I should not find an alternate). Jane proceeded to insult my
dress, the bridesmaid dresses, and the shoes. In fact, the shoe style (quite mysteriously)
was changed and I believe she was behind it! She showed up at a shower with a friend and
proceeded to pretend I was not there. Jane cried at my wedding like it was a funeral,
never once speaking to me (even though she was now one of the bridesmaids). Jane even had
the gall to tell me how rude I was for not speaking to her that day! Unfortunately, this
was not my only bridal mishap. If I listed them all, it would take all day! All that
mattered on that day was that I was married to the man I loved. ebms1231-01
|