BRIDESMAIDS AND BEASTMEN
The "tortured" and the "torturees"
Jan-Jul 2000 Archive
Jul-Dec 2000 Archives
Jan-Jun 2003 Archive
Part of our wedding idea was that we wanted
everyone to contribute something so they felt appreciated and part of the
whole thing. I asked my friend (let’s call her Azazel) if she would make
the cake for us. She agreed, though she sounded somewhat disappointed by
the suggestion. As time went on, I heard more and more sob stories about
always being the bridesmaid, never the maid of honor. So, I asked if she
would like to be part of the wedding party. That appeased her somewhat,
but after the same unleashing of sob stories, I finally resorted to asking
her if she would like to be a maid of honor. That seemed to make her
happy. We bought her a set of saltwater pearl earrings and necklace for
the rehearsal dinner, and she went out and bought her dress. As it has
been for the past five years of our acquaintanceship, Azazel, eternally
glued to her phone, called and called—mostly wanting to talk about her
problems. As the days progressed, she managed to invite three other people
to our wedding without asking first. (Our wedding was planned for about 30
people—anything above that would cost an extra $150 just for the
After much stress and straining to please
everyone, my fiancé and I decided to get married before the actual
wedding. I told this to the people in my bridal party so they wouldn’t
feel left out. A couple weeks later, I got a call from Azazel asking if we
were still going to have the ceremony. I told her that we were, and that
the upcoming wedding was to be the actual date of our anniversary. I
explained that we got married early to get the legal part out of the way,
and that anything with any emotional value or personal meaning would be
taking place at the wedding. She seemed disappointed, and said that she
was just wondering, because there was a pre-season hockey game that
weekend to which she and her parents won tickets. Disturbed, I told her to
do what she felt was the right thing, and to go if that’s what she
really wanted to do. Over the course of the next few weeks, I called her
repeatedly to ask if she had decided, but she didn’t answer her phone.
After many attempted emails and phone messages, I finally left a message
telling her that I needed to know in time to have someone else do the
cake, and I could only wait a couple more days before counting her out.
I got a message from Azazel today (five
days later—ironically while I was at work where I have to keep my cell
phone turned off). She said she had "just now" received my
messages, and that I probably had already contacted the lady about the
cake. She was really sorry, but her phone hadn’t been working and she
was really stressed out from work. If I had already contacted someone
about the cake, that was fine. And her parents already got their tickets
to the game (which they would have had to do about six weeks earlier), so
she was probably just going to go with them. But she would catch up with
I hope she enjoys the game!
Like every bride, I would like to think I
never turned into Bridezilla. I was reasonable, kept my sense of humor,
and had no illusions of having the total Martha Stewart Wedding. My main
goal was that none of it ended up on any Funniest Home Videos show.
Enter the Bridesmaid from Hell, let's call her "Eve" (short for
Evil). I admit that my BM dresses weren't going to stop traffic. They were
forest green crepe with an off the shoulder neckline in a dyed to match
lace. I had three completely different body types for the bridal party,
one tall and willowy, one short and round, and Eve, who was a basic size
12-14, except with narrow hips and a large bust. This dress actually
looked nice on all three body types, the cut was a-line and no poufy
skirt. No butt bows either, but they did have an "under the
boobs" bow. You can't win them all. The best part, though, is they
were 99 clams and I ordered them from Penney's and their sizing is easier
to navigate than bridal store dresses. And I didn't go nuts over forcing
people to buy forest green shoes or making sure all three hemlines lined
up perfectly when the three women stood next to each other. And no stupid
First of all, she despised the dress, even though it was a great color and
style for her body type. She repeatedly told me she would have preferred a
satin dress from the outlet store...read: a CHEAPER dress. I know 99 bucks
isn't cheap, but it's not that bad! I would have loved to just give the
BM's a color to aim for and totally pick their own dresses, but I knew the
other two would pick a great dress and she would have shown up in a
ridiculous bargain delight that would embarrass me. She also told me again
and again that her boyfriend hated the dress on her and that it was all
wrong for her body type. It was a fabulous dress for her body type! It
made her look tall and her waist look tiny!
Hating the dress wasn't enough for her, she also chose to skimp on the
alterations, opting to only have the dress shortened, but not taken in the
bust. And she also didn't see the need to get a strapless bra for good
support under her dress. And a slip, not a petticoat, but a simple half
slip would have kept the dress from clinging to her pantyhose.
She was also difficult about attending anything except the wedding. She
ignored the invites for the bridal shower, leaving an aunt to call me and
wonder if she was coming or not (nice). She didn't come to the bridal
luncheon, which was me making a nice brunch for my bridesmaid's, future
mother in law and grandmother-in-law at my mother's house. And even though
we both lived 45 minutes away from my seamstress she refused to attend a
single fitting with me to learn how to work the bustle, another BM had to
drive 4 hours to attend a fitting with me to learn to do it (and she even
pretended to enjoy herself while she learned to work the stupid hooks!
bless her heart!). She refused to take a night off work (she had MONTHS of
notice) to attend the rehearsal and dinner, she worked the night shift and
then drove 3 hours to get up to the town where the wedding was. My wedding
was at 10 am. She was barely conscious during the getting ready. By a
sheer stroke of luck I had found a wide headband that matched the dresses
and all she had to do for her hair was slide that on and curl the ends of
her hair. No fussing and pinning. She snored while we got ready.
Cut to the church...I am being helped into my dress by my sister and the
other BM and Eve is leaping around the room trying to cram herself into
her nylons and swearing like a sailor while she does it. Granted, I have a
pretty colorful vocabulary myself, but the church wedding coordinator was
We finally all get dressed and have posed for pictures and it's the big
moment...here I am minutes from walking down the aisle and it's me, my two
best friends in the whole world and my sister waiting behind a screen
while the last guests are being seated. This is a big moment...the wedding
coordinator was smoothing my train and making sure my butt bow was on
straight. And Eve starts FARTING. Oh yes. Big huge gigantic farts.
Complete with bending over at the waist and pumping her arm like she was
blowing a horn. Classy. And oh so pleasant, we were in a small niche, not
fart friendly at all. At first I twittered, even when I was swathed in
yards of ivory satin farts were still kind of funny, then I said
"hey, could you lay off the tooting? I am getting MARRIED now."
Her reply "I do it now, or I do it during your ceremony. It's got to
come out sometime!"
The wedding coordinator went and opened some windows and lit a candle. Eve
continued to let them rip. I thought my photographer was going to just die
of laughter, that poor woman must have chewed a hole the size of Cleveland
in her cheek to keep from laughing at the farting bridesmaid. I am pretty
sure she had thought she had seen it all in years of wedding work. So much
for savoring that moment.
She managed to stop floating audible air biscuits long enough for me to be
married (or the vanilla scented unity candle served more than one
purpose)! And I have to admit I tried to ignore her as much as humanly
possible during the reception. But I had warned my photographer ahead of
time that Eve would try her damnedest to get a free Olan Mills-type
portrait sitting of herself and her boyfriend out of this deal. She didn't
disappoint. The photographer had a station set up outside the ballroom and
was taking a pic of every family guest, sure enough. When it was Eve's
turn she tried to get several poses since it was "free." She was
shot down fast, the photog was still recovering from the morning's gas
Oh and my wedding gift from Eve was a white plunger where the stick was
filled with rice and it had a bride and groom glued to the top. And it was
obvious that the bride and groom had been broken off...because they had
been reattached with thick yellow epoxy. And there were dead bugs in with
the rice. Sure enough when I opened it at my mother's house with friends
and family she announced "we found that on clearance and it was
broken!! but we glued the bride and groom back on!" And it hadn't
been put in a box or anything, so all day long the guests had been joking
about the plunger on the gift table. No one actually thought it WAS a
It would have been funny...if it had been intact. I should have given it
back to her...from the sounds of what she had going' on she may have
needed a plunger more than us.
My sister-in-law asked me to be a
bridesmaid at her wedding to a young man we'll call Larry. Larry wasn't
the most wonderful of prospects, but my in-laws planned a very nice
wedding and reception. I should have known that the wedding was doomed the
day my mother-in-law picked me up for my bridesmaid dress fitting--I was
recovering from a serious inner-ear infection that caused me to leave work
in a wheelchair completely nauseous and unable to get out of bed for three
days. I could barely stand for the fitting, but I didn't want to hold up
the wedding in any way.
Fast forward to wedding, when we are all
getting dressed, helping the bride, etc., and we hear that the groom
hasn't shown up. Time passes and STILL...no groom. No reason to upset the
bride, I think--and I'm certainly not going to be the one to tell her the
groom is a no-show. Finally, the pastor walks in, asks for the wedding
license, and the bride says, "Well, Larry has that." "He's
not here," says the pastor.
Larry finally shows, about ten minutes or
so after the wedding should have started, and has some lame excuse about
having to take a groomsman somewhere. (Larry is the sort of guy who always
has a lame excuse.) The wedding starts finally twenty minutes late.
The reception is at the bride's parents'
neighborhood club. Turns out the caterers don't clean up--sometime MIL and
FIL neglected to clarify in all the contract discussions--so my husband
and I cheerfully pitch in to help clean up. Yes, pushing a vacuum around
in a bridesmaid big-butt dress is definitely a funny sight! I don't mind,
because it's family.
Husband's other brother and his wife make a
few token passes at cleaning up and then make a very, very quick exit.
Turns out later that they were having their annual party that
night...something MIL was furious about later, but that's another
etiquette hell story.
In-laws pack up all the left over catered
food--there seems to be a huge amount. The chicken alone would be enough
for a week's worth of meals. Husband and I follow the in-laws and his
grandmother over to their house--I'm thinking that they will send us home
with a plate of food, or offer us something to eat at the house. After
all, we were the only ones who stayed around and cleaned up. And by this
time, we could use a snack after cleaning up the reception hall.
No, they put all the food in the freezer
and after sitting around a bit watching television with Grandma we head
home. For some reason, MIL was furious that the other brother and his wife
didn't also come over and watch television, but had a party at their house
instead. We weren't invited to THAT party, by the way.
Not a thank you, not a single
acknowledgement that we helped--Yes, my in-laws paid for the food, and
they certainly weren't obligated to send even a bite home with us, but
some acknowledgement of the fact that we helped clean up would have been
nice. Instead my MIL ranted all through Thanksgiving when she found out
about the party that after the wedding should have been for "family
to be together."
Oh, and of course, the marriage to Larry
lasted less than a year.
Ok here is my story: My husband and I got
married in May of last year after 9 months of being engaged. He had a best
friend since high school, "Kevin," and was also friends with
Kevin's longtime girlfriend, "Sarah." These two had been dating
since high school and were very religious so we were always waiting for
them to announce their engagement. Well my husband proposed before Kevin
did even though Kevin had Sarah's engagement/wedding rings already. About
a month later, they stopped by our apartment and announced their
engagement. By this time we had already decided on the date for our
wedding (May). We had also already asked all of our attendants, Kevin and
Sarah included. Now, I had only asked Sarah to be a bridesmaid because she
was my husband's friend and Kevin was to be 2nd best man. I always thought
these two were sneaky. Their religion by the way is Pentecostal which I
consider to be rather cultlike and they were always trying to convert us.
I scheduled a trip to the bridal shop for
November and Sarah rode with us (it was in a different city where a couple
of the other bridesmaids lived). I had already picked out one dress that I
really liked and it wasn't too revealing or ugly or anything. It was a
very simple floor length navy blue gown with inch wide straps. The style
and color looked good on everyone (my bridesmaids were all shapes and
sizes). It was also pretty cheap compared to the rest of the dresses we
found ($118). Well, not thinking clearly, I forgot that Pentecostal women
are forbidden to show their UPPER ARMS! and this was a strap dress - no
sleeves. In January, Sarah tells us that they have decided on their
wedding date and its 2 weeks past ours and that my husband and I are going
to be standing up in it. Ok fine.
Also, another one of our couples was the
couple who had introduced my husband and me in their wedding. The girl was
a high school friend of mine and the guy was my husband's cousin. We felt
obligated to include both of them despite the treatment I got from my
"friend" at their wedding (well I met my husband so it wasn't
that bad). We'll call this girl "Melissa."
In March, my mother had a bridal shower for
me because none of my bridesmaids even attempted anything (my MOH was in
school at the time and I didn't expect her to do it). It was nice but my
mom forgot to invite Melissa and had never met Sarah and forgot about her
too. I didn't think either would show up anyway.
Ok, about a month before our weddings,
Kevin and my husband dream up the idea of taking our honeymoons together.
So we go on a drive to this place where we want to honeymoon to check it
out and the entire way, Sarah is being a massive snippy b****. We let it
go but its weird. They rush us back to our house because they have some
church meeting to go to.
Cut to the day before our wedding. Our
rehearsal dinner is planned to be a small event at my in-laws house which
is 5 minutes from the church. Only attendants and immediate family are
invited. At the church (we are Catholic), our priest whom we are very
close to, is explaining some of the rituals that go on in our church that
are different than other churches (we are Native American). Before he can
even finish explaining, Kevin cuts him off and loudly proclaims that he
and Sarah will not take part in these rites because it goes against their
religion to which Melissa jumps in and says "I won't do it
either!" We were very upset at the rudeness of the situation but felt
a little helpless. Our priest finishes his explanation and says that
anyone who doesn't wish to partake in any part of the ceremony needs only
to step back from it. Mind you, we had gone to their church numerous times
for things and even when we felt uncomfortable, never made a scene like
this. We let this go though.
After the rehearsal dinner and handing out
of gifts to our attendants (all 16 or them) and parents, the girls were
supposed to go to the hall and decorate while the guys did who knows what.
Of my 6 bridesmaids, only 4 came and we decorated a hall for 300 people by
ourselves. Sarah went home, an hour and a half drive, because she and
Kevin could not spend the night away from home together, even though we
offered to put them up in separate houses! Melissa refused to come because
"she hadn't been told about this before" which was a lie because
I informed them all several times of the plan. She just went home and did
Here comes my wedding day and all the
ladies are getting ready in the back of the church community center.
Melissa sits in her car until the last minute smoking cigarettes. Sarah
shows up in the dress but she had an ugly long-sleeved homemade jacket on
as well. Never once did she even ask if that was ok or let me know she was
going to do that! Thank God the rest of my bridesmaids were actually good
people. We get through the ceremony without too much of a hitch.
Afterwards, because Kevin was 2nd best man, both he and Sarah are front
and center in our wedding pictures. I really regret that. After pictures
there is a 2 hour break before the ceremony so the wedding party and our
friends who weren't in the wedding party go driving around and hit both
sets of parents' houses which are having "in-between" snacking
parties. At the very first one (my in-laws), Kevin and Sarah come running
out of the house all frantic saying Kevin has gotten a page (and they're
hoping its from his mom) and might need to go to work (2 hours away)
because he's on call. This guy works in a prison. They go in the house and
come running back out apologizing over and over, saying "I have to
go, I'll lose my job, there's been a big riot and there's people dead,
etc." My new husband and I are sitting there stunned. Finally my
husband tells them, "Just go!" and they speed off like someone
is dying. We suspected their story wasn't true - it was a little too
dramatic - and spent our reception fuming over it. One of my husband's
friends worked for a prison in the same place and he told us a week later
what we already knew, that there had never been a riot and nothing
happened in Kevin's prison that night.
The entire next 2 weeks, Kevin called us
2-3 times a day trying to get us to come down and get fitted for our
dress/tux. When my husband returned his tux, he told the girl to just
cancel his order for Kevin's wedding. I lost $100 on that dress. We never
returned any of his phone calls because not one of them even apologized
for ditching us on our wedding day. We took a trip to Washington D.C. the
weekend of their wedding and all of our mutual friends didn't go to their
To top off the madness, our wedding gift
from them was a Happy Birthday card with a little writing and 2 crumpled
up ripped up dollars. Very very weird.
Just the other day we got a letter from
Sarah saying how much they miss us and they hope we aren't still mad at
them (yet still no apology for the way they treated us). I don't think
we'll be calling them....
This past April I attended the wedding of a
high school friend, "Anne." Three weeks before the wedding, Anne
got into a fight with her bridesmaid, "Bertha," who had also
gone to high school with us (I had not kept in touch with Bertha). Bertha
came from a nice middle class family but always seemed to want to project
the image of being white trash. She did a good job here.
Apparently, while drunk, Anne's fiancé,
"Carl," insulted Bertha's new engagement ring while arguing with
his friend "Dan", who was Bertha's fiancé. Bertha and Dan
stormed off, understandably upset. The next morning, Carl apologized to
Dan for losing his head and Dan forgave him, knowing he didn't mean what
Bertha, however, could not forget. She
wrote Anne a long, dramatic letter full of all the pent up grievances she
had with Anne in the past TEN YEARS, including many petty gripes from high
school which none of us could even remember. She also said many nasty
things about Anne and her sister, "Ethel," and dropped out of
Anne's wedding as well as Ethel's upcoming wedding, in which she was also
supposed to be a bridesmaid.
Eventually, Bertha called Anne. She had
meant all those nasty things, and was still mad at Anne and Carl, but if
Anne still wanted her to be in the wedding, she would deign to do it, for
Anne’s sake. Well, Anne wasn't going to beg her to be a bridesmaid after
that and told her to forget it. Bertha then asked if she could attend the
wedding "as a guest." Why she would want to, if Anne had been so
terrible to her for the past ten years, no one knows, but Anne told her
she could come.
Fast forward to the wedding. I have been
living 3000 miles away and didn't even recognize anyone at the wedding
except the bride, her family, and Bertha, whom I had not seen in ten years
and was already slightly wary of (having heard about the letter).
Unfortunately, I needed a ride to the reception. I wasn't about to ask the
bride or her family, so I asked Bertha and Dan if they'd be kind enough to
give me a lift. They were. This was dumb.
I didn't ask Bertha about the fight, and at
least she spared me the gory details, merely mentioning offhand that she
was supposed to be in the wedding but had had an argument with Anne. Then
she started to discuss her upcoming wedding, which was planned for 18
months from then. Bertha's wedding was going to be so much better than
Anne's, because she wasn't going to have any religious crap, and she
already booked her hall and photographer and DJ and bought her dress and
the bridesmaids' dresses (she had been engaged for THREE WEEKS) and wasn't
going to have to waste anyone's time with trying them on all the time, and
her food would be better (keep in mind we have not even been to Anne's
reception to see what kind of food they have!), blah, blah, blah.
Then Dan jumped in with comments about how
the food is so good at their hall, but only $30 a plate, and "decent
people" always give a $100 gift, so even with all the extras they
will still come out ahead and make money on the wedding. Which, Dan
pointed out, is the whole point of having one, because he would just as
soon elope rather than have to deal with putting on a suit and
entertaining people, but he needs a new truck. (The one we are riding in
is one year old.)
In what seems to be one continuous breath,
Dan and Bertha continue to brag about his having declared bankruptcy
twice, wonder why they can't afford a house like Anne and Carl, decide
Anne and Carl's house is too crappy for them anyway, and criticize me for
not having a house (never mind that I am a student, living in an expensive
area of the country, and THEY HAVE NO HOUSE EITHER!)
At the reception, Bertha did not say a word
to Anne or her family (nor to me, even when I introduced my husband, who
had arrived late -- she just smirked). Had I only not been carless in a
strange town I could have avoided conversation with Bertha and Dan
altogether and not been so upset. Prior to the fight, Bertha had thrown
Anne a bridal shower. She had ordered Anne a shower gift, but it hadn't
arrived, so Bertha told Anne what it was and that she could expect it at
the wedding, along with a larger gift that the shower gift would have
It later transpires that Bertha and Dan
have not purchased the wedding gift they promised Anne, but were instead
giving Anne and Carl what Anne KNEW was supposed to be her shower present
as a wedding gift. It probably would have been fine not to get them
another gift, but they made such a big show of giving it to her as a
wedding present that it was tacky. Also, although the gift's monetary
value shouldn't matter, it cost $20, thus putting them well below their
own threshold for "decent people." Six months later, just before
Ethel's wedding (to which she was not invited, even as a guest), Bertha
wrote another long letter about how she had no self esteem and everyone
was so mean to her and that was why she was the kind of person that she
This was a long story, but trust me, not as
long as Bertha's letters.
We were best friends for three years and
she asked me to be her maid of honor in her wedding. I was so happy she
asked me. We started planning the wedding and getting everything ready
when three months before the wedding she tells me that she changed her
mind. The girl that does her nails once a month is now going to be the
maid of honor. I asked why, and she said I wasn't around enough so I said
I go to school full time and work 40 hours a week. So she said "Oh,
well. I'm sorry."
When I got married, I asked my sister to be
MOH and three friends to be bridesmaids. Two of these friends were ladies
that I saw quite often, and the third, who I'll call Jezebel, was a friend
from college, and former roommate, who had moved to a different city. We
didn't see each other very much because while we were living together she
had joined an extremely fundamentalist church, which some actually
classify as a cult, and she had moved out because she decided she couldn't
live with an infidel like me any more. This was five years before the
wedding, and we were still in occasional contact, although our friendship
was somewhat strained by her continual attempts to convert me. While I
respect the right of other people to practice their religion, I don't want
it constantly pushed on me and being told that I'm going to go to hell.
Nonetheless, I decided to ask her to be a bridesmaid due to our past
I set a date to look at bridesmaids'
dresses. Jezebel came to our city on the bus. I picked her up at the bus
depot and took her to our place where she would be staying for the
weekend. My fiancé wasn't home, so we sat there catching up. She told me
that she had gone to a meeting at her church, where they read a letter
from a missionary in Taiwan who was looking for someone to come over and
be his secretary for six months. That night, she related excitedly, God
had spoken to her in a dream and told her that she was to be that person.
The church had agreed to send her, and she just had to save up money for
her travel expenses. I thought nothing of it at the time, because we were
the only people in the house. But over the course of the weekend, she told
the story to everyone we encountered, including many people she had never
met before. Rather odd, I thought, but I was accustomed to strange
utterances from her by then.
The next day we all went and picked out
dresses, which the girls were paying for. The arrangement was that they
would each put down a deposit that day, and then pay in installments. This
was about five months before the wedding. Jezebel drew me aside and,
rather embarrassed, confided in me that she was flat broke and asked me if
I would mind lending her the money for the deposit. I was also broke, but
I had just enough so I lent it to her. We all then went out for lunch, and
of course I paid for her meal too.
Later that night, when I was taking her
back to the bus depot to go home, she informed me that she hadn't bought
her return ticket, so we needed to stop at a cash machine. I pulled up to
a bank and stopped the car, expecting her to go inside and use the
machine. "No, um, I don't have any money. Would you be able to buy my
ticket?" Very well, I went in and drained my skimpy bank account even
further. I should note that Jezebel was a college student and only worked
part-time, so it was understandable that she was broke, but it would have
been nice to have had some warning that I was going to be paying all these
expenses. I kept remembering her planned trip to Taiwan to assist the
missionary, and wondered how much money she was squirreling away for that.
Whatever. I figured she was going to reserve some money to pay for her
The other bridesmaids had a shower for me
about a month before the wedding. She was unable to come up for it, but
she told one of the other girls that she would send me a gift. So I
received a package in the mail from her. I opened it at the shower in
front of everyone, to find... a pair of shoes! She had sent her shoes that
she was going to wear for the wedding, as I had asked all the girls to do
so that I could get them dyed all together, to match the dresses. All the
girls were paying for their own dye jobs, but she had enclosed a note to
say that she couldn't afford it, so guess what, I was paying for that too.
Everyone at the shower had a good laugh about the "gift."
Fast forward to two weeks before the
wedding. The dresses were due to come in any day, and the girls were to
come in for a final fitting. She called me and said that she was very
sorry, but she didn't think she could be a bridesmaid because she hadn't
been able to pay anything at all on the dress. Now if it had been any of
the other girls, I could have just accepted her "resignation"
and gotten someone else who could have worn the dress. However, Jezebel
was a very large girl and I didn't think there was any way her dress could
have been altered to fit anyone else in such a short time frame, so I felt
I had no choice but to offer to pay the whole cost of the dress. Her dress
was more expensive than the others because it was in such a large size and
they had to use extra material. By now I was thoroughly exasperated with
her, but managed to have a civil conversation with her. I asked her how
the planning was going for her trip to Taiwan. Her response, "Oh,
just fine. My church is helping me."
Imagine my surprise when I got a letter in
the mail two days later from her church. They were appealing for money to
"help Jezebel get to Taiwan." Contrary to what I had been led to
believe, it wasn't a paid job, so she needed money not only for her plane
tickets, but also for six months of living expenses in Taiwan! I heard
from other acquaintances that got the same letter. She had given our names
and addresses to her church! Needless to say, none of us donated for fear
of ending up on their mailing list permanently.
So the wedding day finally arrived. Of
course when we all went to have our hair done that morning, surprise, she
had no money, so my mom paid for her. And for the pre-wedding lunch. She
was supposed to be staying at a hotel with the other out-of-town guests,
but one of the other bridesmaids offered to let her stay at her place,
much to her husband's horror.
I didn't know it at the time, but Jezebel
was standing at the front of the church praying to herself during the
whole ceremony. The other bridesmaids were incredulous that I couldn't
hear her muttering. I was relieved!
During the gift opening, when I opened the
card from Jezebel, there was no gift in it, but a long rambling letter
about how happy she was that she had been "saved" and how much
she wished that I could be "saved" too. I wasn't even expecting
anything from her by this point. Afterwards, the bridesmaid who had let
Jezebel stay at her house asked me what we had gotten for a gift from her.
When I told her, she shook her head in disgust. She had told Jezebel to
take the money she would have spent on the hotel and add it to our wedding
gift! From this we concluded that she never had any intention of giving us
a gift other than that letter. We were even wondering if she had ever
intended to stay at the hotel at all. She was probably going to beg
someone for accommodation, and the other bridesmaid saved her the trouble!
Our wedding was 15 years ago and it was the
last time I saw Jezebel. She phoned me about three years later. I asked
her how the trip to Taiwan went. "Well, actually, I didn't go because
I couldn't come up with enough money. But the church had collected about
$3,000 in the fund, so they turned it over to me." Nice one! I wish
my church would do that for me!
My cousin, E, has been best friends with K
for over 10 years. They have shared the best of times and the worst of
times. When K became engaged, my cousin was of course thrilled for her. At
the time, K asked E to be her maid of honor. E accepted, and began helping
K plan the perfect wedding. Keep in mind, that E had just finished college
and had started a job two states away from where K lived and the wedding
was to take place. The planning started close to a year before the wedding
date. E knew that K gets stressed out easily, so she wanted to do as much
to help as possible. E traveled numerous times to K's home state to help
her pick out dresses, go to bridal shows, etc. E also hosted one shower
and attended two others in the brides honor, and hosted a bachelorette
party for K. At all times, K introduced E to everyone as her MOH. Finally,
the big day arrives. E takes yet another two days off of work in order to
get to K's home state the day before the wedding to help her with last
minute errands. They have a lovely day together, K saying several times
how glad she was to have E there to help. Then comes the rehearsal. When
the minister asks who the MOH is, K responds "G" - that's right,
after all the time and money E spent helping K, she gets replaced as the
maid of honor the night before the ceremony. K didn't even have the
decency to tell E beforehand in private. E was, of course, devastated, but
didn't want to cause a scene by asking K what was going on. E has been too
hurt to ever ask K what happened, and K has never offered to explain. I
guess all MOH's should get their position put in writing.
My story is about my husband's best man. I
don't know that I would classify him a 'beastman', because despite the
story I am about to tell, he was a fine best man. A few days before the
wedding "Carl" calls my husband to tell him that he had just let
his girlfriend dye his hair. My husband-to-be puts his hand over the
mouthpiece to tell me this and to ask me, and I quote, "Is it okay if
Carl has purple hair?" Um...Carl had very nice, dark curly hair, so
in picturing purple hair I'm thinking something along the lines of deep
plum highlights, and think maybe it won't be so bad. Day before the
wedding, we go to the bus station to pick up Carl, and here he comes off
the bus, his lovely curly hair cut short and spiky and died a very bright,
very lilac color. Not plum, not a deep purple, but a pure, pastel lilac!
My bridesmaids dresses were floral, with rose-pink and greenish/blue type
flowers (I can't remember the exact colors) and my first thought was,
"He's going to clash with the dresses." My second thought was no
one is going to remember the bride! If he walked down the aisle with this
bright purple hair that would be the only thing people remembered from my
wedding! Carl was very kind about the whole thing, and he and my husband
stopped at a hairdressers on the way for the tuxes to try to fix it.
Because his girlfriend had bleached his hair before dying it purple, the
stylist was unable to re-dye it, or something, so they wound up basically
shaving him almost bald then adding a dark color. He no longer looked like
a munchkin, and I was happy, but unfortunately he spent the wedding
looking like he'd just gotten out of an army prison camp. Eleven years
later and I still love terrifying new brides-to-be with this story.
Hi. My story's pretty brief. Basically,
right before the wedding party was about to descend the stairs, making our
grand entrance into the reception, my MOH (my sister) and my husband's
sister got into a fistfight about who's scarf had the more elaborate
rhinestone pattern! (We broke it up before they did any real
damage!)Mortifying at the time for me, the bride, but really, really,
funny now, 3 years later!
I feel the need to be indignant on my dear
DIL's behalf. She was marrying my son about a year after having met him.
She negotiated a wonderful wedding package at a local hotel from $10,000
down to $4,000. Unfortunately, she got laid off before it was even half
paid off. My DS barely made enough to keep them afloat. DIL's mom and dad
earn twice what DH and I do...they refused to put any money into the
wedding and in fact informed my DIL they would not attend unless she paid
for their hotel room (they live 6 hours away). She in fact paid for their
hotel room, but since DH and I had to pay off the wedding, I guess you
could say we paid for them.
Came the wedding day and her MOH (old high
school friend) calls to say she is going to be late but will definitely be
there. The wedding is delayed a half-hour...an hour...now an hour and a
half. I am talking to the other BM, the MOH's sister, and find that the
MOH had said several days before that if her sister, who is 2 years
younger than DIL and MOH, and was also a close friend in high school, was
at the wedding then she, MOH, wasn't coming. DIL kept insisting that she
had talked to MOH and gotten her to see how unreasonable this was. And
besides, she called and said she was coming...She never showed and the
ceremony went on without her. I thought it was lovely, but DIL almost had
hysterics when she realized her mother and I had signed as witnesses to
the wedding ceremony. She had planned it for the Best Man and the MOH who
still never showed up.
The MOH has made excuses and my DIL still
has her in their life which I think is a BIG mistake- this MOH person just
keeps yanking her around emotionally and trying to screw them over
financially...All I can do after she disrespected me, my DH, and his
sister at the shower was to tell my DS and DDIL that MOH is not welcome in
my house and is to never be here, even if I am away...
Hi-my second submission and I loooooooove
your site! Not sure if you'll think I'M the one at fault here and have no
doubt that you'll respond on the site if I am!
I have this friend "Marcia" who I had been friends with for 10
years. I met her and her husband through a romantic relationship that has
since ended. I meet a great guy who proposes and I promptly ask
"Marcia" to be a bridesmaid - she says "yes".
Not wanting to be a bridezilla I involve my bridesmaids in choosing their
dresses (I contemplated letting them choose their own to fit the occasion
until one of them suggests I get chicken wings as part of the reception
meal and decided to just keep them in the loop but make the final
decision). I used the Internet to look for dresses to fit their very
varied body styles. "Marcia" is very thin and would look good in
almost anything - as a matter of fact, every dress I emailed out that
would accommodate (read: a bra with straps would be required) my more
full-chested bridesmaid is met with Marcia's disapproval. I'm sure they
all decided I was now most definitely a bridezilla because I just chose
the dress - while trying to do the right thing and letting them have a
hand in the dress style was making this process take entirely too long.
The dress is beautiful (NO butt bows, loud colors or poufy sleeves),
available all over and pretty reasonably priced ($150). Of course Marcia
complains about the price and that she liked one that was cheaper ($80 -
and much too sexy in my opinion). She makes several comments about this
even though I have continually lent or given items of clothing over the
years to Marcia and Marcia's daughter whenever they had formal events -
they hardly ever had to purchase anything outright because of this and,
come to think of it, they still have a few items.
During the wedding planning, Marcia gets into a major blowout with her
husband and contemplates divorce. I suggest counseling but she disagrees
(in my opinion, because the therapist will tell her that she drinks too
much). I ask her why she doesn't think counseling is an option and she
says she doesn't agree with it (even though she's a medical office manager
and helps people through emotional issues all the time). We go back and
forth a bit on this and wind up just not talking for several months.
My family throws an engagement party and invites Marcia and her husband
(she's still supposed to be a bridesmaid right?). The invitation includes
an RSVP. 5 days before the party, Marcia hasn't RSVP'd so I give her a
call. We have a discussion about our previous disagreement but I won't go
into that here - I just tell her to please give my father a call and let
him know if he can expect them at the party, she says she's not sure if
they can make it but will call my dad. You can see where this is going -
no RSVP and no show at the party.
A month or so later and it's time to order the bridesmaid dresses. I send
them all an email letting the local ladies know where we're meeting and
asking if a certain time works for them. Marcia responds that she has to
work so I call the store and ask them for a deadline for her to get
measured and order the dress. I email Marcia what the deadline is and, of
course, she fails to meet it. Since we're still not talking, I assume she
no longer wishes to be a bridesmaid and move on since I'm pretty irritated
that she won't just call/email me to let me know.
A month before the wedding she calls me! Wants my fiancé and I to come
over for dinner! She "misses" us! Well I'll be, guess we should
hurry up and get over there for dinner right? I don't think so. I tell her
that she was incredibly rude about the bridesmaid/dress issue as well as
the party issue and that she doesn't get to decide when our friendship
should resume - friendships are a 2-way street I've always thought.
Haven't heard from her since - a real shame to let a 10-year old
friendship end because of this.
I asked my friend "Melissa," whom
I had known since kindergarten to be a bridesmaid in my wedding and she
agreed. She complained about absolutely everything from the date I
picked for the wedding to the places I chose to register. Those seem mild
in comparison to what she did 2 weeks before my wedding.
"Melissa" got in a big fight with my sister who was my maid of
honor because she planned a vacation right after my shower and couldn't
afford to pay for anything. My sister had not only paid her end of the
shower but was covering "Melissa's" as well. After that
incident, she didn't talk to me at all until I called her 2 weeks before
the wedding. She then tells me that she decided she just didn't want to be
in my wedding anymore. She claims that my sister was mean to her and
everyone was calling her selfish and it wasn't true. She couldn't be in
the same area with my sister and the rest of the wedding party because of
the way she was being treated.
I told her I was coming to get the
bridesmaid dress so that someone else could wear it. "Melissa"
told me I could have the dress if I paid for it. First of all she backed
out on me and second she still owed my sister money. I asked her if she
planned on paying my sister back and she no so I told her I was not going
to pay for the dress. She said if I wasn't paying her for it I couldn't have
it. So I drove to her house took out my checkbook and wrote her check. I
put the dress in the car drove directly to bank and canceled the check. I
would have given anything to see the look on her face when tried to cash
Let's see if I can get this
correct...the AWOL bridesmaid owed the bride's sister money for her share
of the shower. It's unclear whether the AWOL bridesmaid ever agreed
to share the expense of the shower. As we've read many a time here,
some bridesmaids get surprised with a bill for their "share" of
the cost of a shower when there had been no prior financial
The bride wants the
bridesmaid's dress which the AWOL won't give to her unless the bride
reimburses her for it.
Bride writes a check and
then cancels it. She has, in effect, committed check fraud and
stolen the dress to be worn by another bridesmaid.
Not a particularly
honorable, legal or appropriate way to have handled this situation.
When I was pregnant, my closest friend in
the world, who I have known since I was 5 (we are now 29)
"Daniella" was sooo excited and couldn't wait for the arrival of
my beautiful bub. I was also getting married a few months later (bub was
I never expected a baby shower to be thrown
by friends, but as an expectant first time mother who did not have a job
at the time (no one would hire me because of my pregnancy) I thought that
it might be nice for a few family and friends to get together for a nice
lunch/baby shower. I arranged all of this myself as my sister lives in
another state and my friend Daniella was too caught up in her own little
world to worry about such things. The day turned out brilliantly. I made
little presents to give all that attended to show my appreciation for them
coming and the little gifts that they had given (none was expected, I just
wanted the support of friends and family) Daniella, however never showed
After I had given birth to my beautiful bub, I called her from my hospital bed (after I had an emergency cesarean)
to say hello and let her know that I had a baby boy. She said that she
couldn't talk because she was with her boyfriend and would call me back. I
gave her my direct room number and waited for her call. And waited, and
waited, and waited. Finally, three days after being discharged from
hospital (which was Mothers Day in Australia) she decided to call to say
congratulations and she wanted to come over to give me a present. We were
going over to my future mother in laws house and said that we would not be
at home as we were going to visit my future in-laws. Daniella then decides
that this is just not on and then sees to it that it is her mission not to
talk to me. The present that I got for my baby, I already had, and she was
there with me when I got the original one. She decided to get it a size
bigger (which I have no problem with as he can wear it next year).
All the while she is also supposed to be my
maid of honor at my wedding. This may sound a little selfish and lazy, but
I thought that the maid of honor was supposed to help out the bride with a
few things, for example, picking out the bridesmaid dresses, my veil,
gifts etc etc, you get the picture.
This was all left up to me to do (by this
time my baby was about 3 months old and I was also working part time by
this stage so that I could help pay for everything). Also, no hens’
night was arranged by her, so again up to me to organize. Although it was
small, a joint B.B.Q for a few family and very close friends, she did not
even attend because she was going out with her boyfriend that night to a
nightclub and could not change her plans (although she had known about
this for weeks).
I felt like telling her to take a long walk
off a short pier, but I am not that type of person, and couldn't do that
to anyone, not even my worst enemy. Family and other friends kept telling
me to leave her out of the bridal party, but by this stage I had already
organized everything including dresses, flowers, cars, menu's etc etc and
paid for everything in advance....
As it turned out, my wedding day went
really well, although it was a bit windy. My husband and I have now been
married for two months and our baby is five months (and absolutely
beautiful). We do not really have much to do with Daniella (she still
hasn't paid for her dress) and to be honest, I'm not really bothered. I
personally think that I am better off without the worry and her!!!
an innkeeper at a famous Mansion here in upstate New York. We get
alot of brides here and their attitude can no doubt be horrendous. But the
Bridesmaids behavior often infuriates me to no end.
Now I am no expert on Getting Married or
Marriage Etiquette. However, Isn't the primary function of a bridesmaid to
fawn over the bride and make sure things run smoothly? I think it is, but
obviously the majority of bridemaids I have encountered here don't feel
the same way.
For example. as an innkeeper we provide
champagne glasses and wine glasses etc. for those guest who want them and
will even provide a tray for you to put those glasses on. But it is the
bridesmaid job to get off their duff and come downstairs to get these
things. I can't stop checking other guests in and stop doing my job as an
innkeeper just to run around like I'm the bride's personal assistant.
One time, a bridesmaid called me from the
brides room and asked me to order a bottle of champagne for them and have
it delivered. Not an unreasonable request. However, when I asked her what
kind of champagne she wanted she said she didn't know and then proceeded
to ask me what kind of champagne the liquor store had like I was some
waitress at the local pub. I don't mind doing stuff for people but this
was just plain stupid. She called back when she finally decided and get
this: they wanted it delivered within 15 minutes or not at all. Not an
easy thing to ask the guy at the liquor store but he did it. I brought up
a tray of champagne glasses and their champagne and entertained the brides
photographer while she kept him waiting for over a half an hour. She gave
me a 20 tip for the guy who delivered the champagne and ended up giving me
nothing but an attitude. How nice! For the love of god and what’s left
of humanity, don't be this kind of guest or bridesmaid.
A very good friend of mine got engaged and
asked me to be a bridesmaid last August. I was happy for her as she's been
living with her fiancé for close to four years and had wanted this for a
long time. It seemed that attending over eight weddings that summer
finally got him moving. Since we had gone to so many weddings for the past
year (sometimes in the wedding party), she understood that many of us (her
bridesmaids) were pretty much broke. The bride decided that the best way
to keep all the dresses within everyone's budget was to have us pick them
out ourselves. She picked out this burgundy color and told us to try and
buy all the dresses from the same company so that they were all the same
shade. This was fine as the company she chose had many different styles of
dresses for different price ranges. Once we saw a dress we liked on the
company's website we were supposed to email her the picture so she could
approve it or tell us to keep looking. Since she was getting married in a
temple, and the groom's family was very religious, some styles may have
been too racy. Everything seemed to be going fine, especially since all of
the bridesmaids seemed to like the same dress. Enter the bridesmaid from
Since the groom was very close to his uncle
and asked him to be an usher, the bride decided to ask his wife to be one
of the bridesmaids. We'll call her K. K was very materialistic and has
been spoiled all her life. At first, she was pleased with the idea of
picking out her own dress. That meant that she could get something more
expensive and flashier then the rest of us. The first dress she chose was
not from the website we were all directed to, so of course it wasn't
exactly the same color. It was a bright fire engine red with sequins all
over. It was completely inappropriate for the wedding. The bride said no,
and directed her to the website the rest of us were looking at for the
second time. She refused to look at the same website the rest of us
"poor" people were going to, stating that it was beneath her.
Finally, after her husband pleaded and begged with her, she took a look at
it. At this time, most of us had already picked out the same dress.
Apparently, our tastes were not as beneath her as she thought since she
liked the same dress. The bride was ecstatic and announced that we all
picked out the same thing and we would all match. K was not happy. She
refused to go down the aisle in the same dress as the rest of us. She even
threatened to take her husband, and her two children (the ring bearers)
out of the wedding. To try and keep the peace, the bride asked everyone to
look for another dress. Since the bride didn't want to be a complete
pushover however, she announced that her sister, the MOH, would get to
wear the dress as she was the one who found it first. It sounded fair
enough to me and the one other bridesmaid, but K was furious again. She
said everyone would be looking at her and so she had to have the most
flattering dress. The bride refused to give in, and K pulled her family
out of the wedding party.
The rest of this story I'm not so clear on.
It's been a couple of months and no one has heard from K or her husband.
Finally her husband called his nephew (the groom) and asked if there was
any way the bride could accommodate K with the dresses. He really wanted
to be part of his nephew’s day, but it would be impossible unless the
bride made up with K. The groom then went to the bride and begged for his
uncle, since he wanted him there too. None of us had paid for the dresses
yet, so the bride decided to try again. She scrapped the whole burgundy
color, and decided everyone was going to be in black and white. Now we
could go anywhere for our dresses since she didn't have to worry about
getting the right shade. K was happy with that since she could once again
go to a more expensive place to pick something out. There were some other
minor problems with her, but in the end she and her family walked down the
aisle. Unfortunately, since K was family, the bride couldn't just stop
speaking to her, but she has been cool to her ever since.
The MoH at my wedding refused to spend more
than $100 on a bridesmaid dress. To appease her we chose a dress that was
on clearance and cost only $40 and let her wear shoes she already owned.
She repaid us by stealing the photographer away from the ceremony to take
professional pictures of her and her boyfriend. Now that boyfriend is her
fiancé and my wife is one of the bridesmaids. The list of
"required" costs keeps going on and on... dress: $140,
alterations for the oddly sized dress: $100 (she insists on us paying a
professional to do it), professional hairstyle $60, manicure and pedicure
$50, shoes $25, 1/6th of *two* fancy hotel rooms for the bachelorette
party, and on and on. We live on the other side of the country so this is
on top of travel costs. My wife is spending more being a bridesmaid in
this wedding than she did being the bride in our wedding! And this
"friend" was at the time of our wedding and has since been
making good money at a technology company, while my wife is supporting the
two of us and has been while I’ve been unable to find work for over a
year now. The bride balked when we suggested that I don't go to cut the
travel expenses in half, instead offering that "You guys don't have
to get us BOTH a wedding and engagement present." How generous.
Prior to one of my best friends' wedding I
was disappointed to find out that I would not be included as one of her
bridesmaids. However, after learning that she had chosen to only include
family in her bridal party I shook off the disappointment and offered to
help her in any way possible. My friend went out of her way to include me
in such important tasks as choosing her bridal gown, which touched me very
deeply and really honored our friendship. However, as time went on it
became evident what awful bridesmaids she had chosen.
Lisa chose her fiancé’s two sisters and
her two brothers' wives as her bridesmaids. One of her bridesmaids was
with us on the day that she chose her dress. After the final discussion
was made about the bride's dress, we continued on to see the bridesmaid
dress that Lisa had chosen. She specifically invited that particular
bridesmaid that afternoon because she wanted to make sure that her most
self-conscious maid would be comfortable in the dress she wanted to
select. Jennie, the bridesmaid, tried on the dress and approved it to be
Weeks before the wedding, she called me to
say that Jennie had declared the dress unflattering, and was threatening
to wear it only for the pictures (if at all) before changing into
something else for the reception. I was there when she first tried on the
gown and can assure you that the bride had offered to select something
else if Jennie was uncomfortable.
At this point it became obvious that none
of the bridesmaids were planning to throw a bachelorette party, so another
friend and I decided to do so. Knowing that the bride was not a stripper
and beer type girl, we suggested going to a spa for the day and went out
of our way to find one which would be truly affordable for all. We made
sure that they had a day pass for just $20 for use of all the facilities
if a guest chose not to have a treatment. Well, one of the bridesmaids
informed us that she couldn't get away for a whole Sunday because she had
children. Meanwhile, her husband is the bride's brother and I know for a
fact that he doesn't work on weekends, and that the bride's mother would
have been happy to baby-sit (as she does often). Her fiancé’s sisters
were 17 years old and in college respectively, so could not be expected to
attend due to distance, although we did choose a spa very close to the
college specifically. Then the fourth bridesmaid decided that we shouldn't
have a big bachelorette party because she was having a bridal shower two
weeks before and didn't want it upstaged. Although the two events were
totally separate she continued to do everything she could to dissuade us
from the party.
My co-party-planner and I revised our plans
and chose a local restaurant known for bachelorette parties followed by
dancing at a 70's and 80's music club afterward because of its reputation
of being fun for people of all temperaments and ages. The two local
bridesmaids agreed to come with us (after they made us rearrange the plans
a bit more to accommodate them). The night before the party both brothers'
wives canceled their participation. After making us cancel the spa plan
they just decided not to come. One claimed that the 30-minute commute was
too long, and the other made an equally weak excuse.
In the end the bride, myself and just two
other friends ended up going out to dinner followed by meeting two of my
good friends and some of their coworkers for a couple of drinks and
dancing at a local bar. They really rose to the occasion and helped us
make a great big deal of the bride, turning it into a truly special night
after all. We followed our dancing with an old fashioned slumber party at
my house and managed to have a really great time, no help had from the
A final nightmare note. Upon arriving at
the wedding I noticed that the bridesmaids were mingling at the cocktail
hour which took place before the ceremony. I saw the MOB and I asked if I
could poke my head into the bridal suite to congratulate the bride and get
a sneak peak at the dress I had helped her select. Her mother urged me to
go, even though I felt like I might be causing a breach in etiquette by
trespassing on a private time. I was so glad I followed my instinct to
check up on Lisa when I found her in the bridal suite all by herself! The
bride's maids had all left her alone, not wanting to miss the cocktail
hour. I ended up sitting with her while she ate a little of the food that
the attendant brought to her during the rest of the time before the
wedding. I ended up having a really special time with the bride (an old,
old friend) in the 45 minutes before the craziness of the ceremony and
reception began, and was very honored that I was able to be there for her,
but I still can't believe how thoroughly her bridesmaids neglected her.
After seeing what Lisa went through, I know
that when it comes time for me to pick bridesmaids I will pick those who I
care about rather than those who I feel obligated to include!
Page Last Updated May 15, 2007