BRIDESMAIDS AND BEASTMEN

The "tortured" and the "torturees"

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Part of our wedding idea was that we wanted everyone to contribute something so they felt appreciated and part of the whole thing. I asked my friend (let’s call her Azazel) if she would make the cake for us. She agreed, though she sounded somewhat disappointed by the suggestion. As time went on, I heard more and more sob stories about always being the bridesmaid, never the maid of honor. So, I asked if she would like to be part of the wedding party. That appeased her somewhat, but after the same unleashing of sob stories, I finally resorted to asking her if she would like to be a maid of honor. That seemed to make her happy. We bought her a set of saltwater pearl earrings and necklace for the rehearsal dinner, and she went out and bought her dress. As it has been for the past five years of our acquaintanceship, Azazel, eternally glued to her phone, called and called—mostly wanting to talk about her problems. As the days progressed, she managed to invite three other people to our wedding without asking first. (Our wedding was planned for about 30 people—anything above that would cost an extra $150 just for the ceremony site.)

After much stress and straining to please everyone, my fiancé and I decided to get married before the actual wedding. I told this to the people in my bridal party so they wouldn’t feel left out. A couple weeks later, I got a call from Azazel asking if we were still going to have the ceremony. I told her that we were, and that the upcoming wedding was to be the actual date of our anniversary. I explained that we got married early to get the legal part out of the way, and that anything with any emotional value or personal meaning would be taking place at the wedding. She seemed disappointed, and said that she was just wondering, because there was a pre-season hockey game that weekend to which she and her parents won tickets. Disturbed, I told her to do what she felt was the right thing, and to go if that’s what she really wanted to do. Over the course of the next few weeks, I called her repeatedly to ask if she had decided, but she didn’t answer her phone. After many attempted emails and phone messages, I finally left a message telling her that I needed to know in time to have someone else do the cake, and I could only wait a couple more days before counting her out.

I got a message from Azazel today (five days later—ironically while I was at work where I have to keep my cell phone turned off). She said she had "just now" received my messages, and that I probably had already contacted the lady about the cake. She was really sorry, but her phone hadn’t been working and she was really stressed out from work. If I had already contacted someone about the cake, that was fine. And her parents already got their tickets to the game (which they would have had to do about six weeks earlier), so she was probably just going to go with them. But she would catch up with me later.

I hope she enjoys the game!

Bridesmaids 0812/03

Like every bride, I would like to think I never turned into Bridezilla. I was reasonable, kept my sense of humor, and had no illusions of having the total Martha Stewart Wedding. My main goal was that none of it ended up on any Funniest Home Videos show.

Enter the Bridesmaid from Hell, let's call her "Eve" (short for Evil). I admit that my BM dresses weren't going to stop traffic. They were forest green crepe with an off the shoulder neckline in a dyed to match lace. I had three completely different body types for the bridal party, one tall and willowy, one short and round, and Eve, who was a basic size 12-14, except with narrow hips and a large bust. This dress actually looked nice on all three body types, the cut was a-line and no poufy skirt. No butt bows either, but they did have an "under the boobs" bow. You can't win them all. The best part, though, is they were 99 clams and I ordered them from Penney's and their sizing is easier to navigate than bridal store dresses. And I didn't go nuts over forcing people to buy forest green shoes or making sure all three hemlines lined up perfectly when the three women stood next to each other. And no stupid headgear, either.

First of all, she despised the dress, even though it was a great color and style for her body type. She repeatedly told me she would have preferred a satin dress from the outlet store...read: a CHEAPER dress. I know 99 bucks isn't cheap, but it's not that bad! I would have loved to just give the BM's a color to aim for and totally pick their own dresses, but I knew the other two would pick a great dress and she would have shown up in a ridiculous bargain delight that would embarrass me. She also told me again and again that her boyfriend hated the dress on her and that it was all wrong for her body type. It was a fabulous dress for her body type! It made her look tall and her waist look tiny!

Hating the dress wasn't enough for her, she also chose to skimp on the alterations, opting to only have the dress shortened, but not taken in the bust. And she also didn't see the need to get a strapless bra for good support under her dress. And a slip, not a petticoat, but a simple half slip would have kept the dress from clinging to her pantyhose.

She was also difficult about attending anything except the wedding. She ignored the invites for the bridal shower, leaving an aunt to call me and wonder if she was coming or not (nice). She didn't come to the bridal luncheon, which was me making a nice brunch for my bridesmaid's, future mother in law and grandmother-in-law at my mother's house. And even though we both lived 45 minutes away from my seamstress she refused to attend a single fitting with me to learn how to work the bustle, another BM had to drive 4 hours to attend a fitting with me to learn to do it (and she even pretended to enjoy herself while she learned to work the stupid hooks! bless her heart!). She refused to take a night off work (she had MONTHS of notice) to attend the rehearsal and dinner, she worked the night shift and then drove 3 hours to get up to the town where the wedding was. My wedding was at 10 am. She was barely conscious during the getting ready. By a sheer stroke of luck I had found a wide headband that matched the dresses and all she had to do for her hair was slide that on and curl the ends of her hair. No fussing and pinning. She snored while we got ready.

Cut to the church...I am being helped into my dress by my sister and the other BM and Eve is leaping around the room trying to cram herself into her nylons and swearing like a sailor while she does it. Granted, I have a pretty colorful vocabulary myself, but the church wedding coordinator was NOT amused.

We finally all get dressed and have posed for pictures and it's the big moment...here I am minutes from walking down the aisle and it's me, my two best friends in the whole world and my sister waiting behind a screen while the last guests are being seated. This is a big moment...the wedding coordinator was smoothing my train and making sure my butt bow was on straight. And Eve starts FARTING. Oh yes. Big huge gigantic farts. Complete with bending over at the waist and pumping her arm like she was blowing a horn. Classy. And oh so pleasant, we were in a small niche, not fart friendly at all. At first I twittered, even when I was swathed in yards of ivory satin farts were still kind of funny, then I said "hey, could you lay off the tooting? I am getting MARRIED now."

Her reply "I do it now, or I do it during your ceremony. It's got to come out sometime!"
The wedding coordinator went and opened some windows and lit a candle. Eve continued to let them rip. I thought my photographer was going to just die of laughter, that poor woman must have chewed a hole the size of Cleveland in her cheek to keep from laughing at the farting bridesmaid. I am pretty sure she had thought she had seen it all in years of wedding work. So much for savoring that moment.

She managed to stop floating audible air biscuits long enough for me to be married (or the vanilla scented unity candle served more than one purpose)! And I have to admit I tried to ignore her as much as humanly possible during the reception. But I had warned my photographer ahead of time that Eve would try her damnedest to get a free Olan Mills-type portrait sitting of herself and her boyfriend out of this deal. She didn't disappoint. The photographer had a station set up outside the ballroom and was taking a pic of every family guest, sure enough. When it was Eve's turn she tried to get several poses since it was "free." She was shot down fast, the photog was still recovering from the morning's gas attack!!

Oh and my wedding gift from Eve was a white plunger where the stick was filled with rice and it had a bride and groom glued to the top. And it was obvious that the bride and groom had been broken off...because they had been reattached with thick yellow epoxy. And there were dead bugs in with the rice. Sure enough when I opened it at my mother's house with friends and family she announced "we found that on clearance and it was broken!! but we glued the bride and groom back on!" And it hadn't been put in a box or anything, so all day long the guests had been joking about the plunger on the gift table. No one actually thought it WAS a plunger....

It would have been funny...if it had been intact. I should have given it back to her...from the sounds of what she had going' on she may have needed a plunger more than us.

Bridesmaids 0901/03

My sister-in-law asked me to be a bridesmaid at her wedding to a young man we'll call Larry. Larry wasn't the most wonderful of prospects, but my in-laws planned a very nice wedding and reception. I should have known that the wedding was doomed the day my mother-in-law picked me up for my bridesmaid dress fitting--I was recovering from a serious inner-ear infection that caused me to leave work in a wheelchair completely nauseous and unable to get out of bed for three days. I could barely stand for the fitting, but I didn't want to hold up the wedding in any way.

Fast forward to wedding, when we are all getting dressed, helping the bride, etc., and we hear that the groom hasn't shown up. Time passes and STILL...no groom. No reason to upset the bride, I think--and I'm certainly not going to be the one to tell her the groom is a no-show. Finally, the pastor walks in, asks for the wedding license, and the bride says, "Well, Larry has that." "He's not here," says the pastor.

Larry finally shows, about ten minutes or so after the wedding should have started, and has some lame excuse about having to take a groomsman somewhere. (Larry is the sort of guy who always has a lame excuse.) The wedding starts finally twenty minutes late.

The reception is at the bride's parents' neighborhood club. Turns out the caterers don't clean up--sometime MIL and FIL neglected to clarify in all the contract discussions--so my husband and I cheerfully pitch in to help clean up. Yes, pushing a vacuum around in a bridesmaid big-butt dress is definitely a funny sight! I don't mind, because it's family.

Husband's other brother and his wife make a few token passes at cleaning up and then make a very, very quick exit. Turns out later that they were having their annual party that night...something MIL was furious about later, but that's another etiquette hell story.

In-laws pack up all the left over catered food--there seems to be a huge amount. The chicken alone would be enough for a week's worth of meals. Husband and I follow the in-laws and his grandmother over to their house--I'm thinking that they will send us home with a plate of food, or offer us something to eat at the house. After all, we were the only ones who stayed around and cleaned up. And by this time, we could use a snack after cleaning up the reception hall.

No, they put all the food in the freezer and after sitting around a bit watching television with Grandma we head home. For some reason, MIL was furious that the other brother and his wife didn't also come over and watch television, but had a party at their house instead. We weren't invited to THAT party, by the way.

Not a thank you, not a single acknowledgement that we helped--Yes, my in-laws paid for the food, and they certainly weren't obligated to send even a bite home with us, but some acknowledgement of the fact that we helped clean up would have been nice. Instead my MIL ranted all through Thanksgiving when she found out about the party that after the wedding should have been for "family to be together."

Oh, and of course, the marriage to Larry lasted less than a year.

Bridesmaids 0901/03

Ok here is my story: My husband and I got married in May of last year after 9 months of being engaged. He had a best friend since high school, "Kevin," and was also friends with Kevin's longtime girlfriend, "Sarah." These two had been dating since high school and were very religious so we were always waiting for them to announce their engagement. Well my husband proposed before Kevin did even though Kevin had Sarah's engagement/wedding rings already. About a month later, they stopped by our apartment and announced their engagement. By this time we had already decided on the date for our wedding (May). We had also already asked all of our attendants, Kevin and Sarah included. Now, I had only asked Sarah to be a bridesmaid because she was my husband's friend and Kevin was to be 2nd best man. I always thought these two were sneaky. Their religion by the way is Pentecostal which I consider to be rather cultlike and they were always trying to convert us.

I scheduled a trip to the bridal shop for November and Sarah rode with us (it was in a different city where a couple of the other bridesmaids lived). I had already picked out one dress that I really liked and it wasn't too revealing or ugly or anything. It was a very simple floor length navy blue gown with inch wide straps. The style and color looked good on everyone (my bridesmaids were all shapes and sizes). It was also pretty cheap compared to the rest of the dresses we found ($118). Well, not thinking clearly, I forgot that Pentecostal women are forbidden to show their UPPER ARMS! and this was a strap dress - no sleeves. In January, Sarah tells us that they have decided on their wedding date and its 2 weeks past ours and that my husband and I are going to be standing up in it. Ok fine.

Also, another one of our couples was the couple who had introduced my husband and me in their wedding. The girl was a high school friend of mine and the guy was my husband's cousin. We felt obligated to include both of them despite the treatment I got from my "friend" at their wedding (well I met my husband so it wasn't that bad). We'll call this girl "Melissa."

In March, my mother had a bridal shower for me because none of my bridesmaids even attempted anything (my MOH was in school at the time and I didn't expect her to do it). It was nice but my mom forgot to invite Melissa and had never met Sarah and forgot about her too. I didn't think either would show up anyway.

Ok, about a month before our weddings, Kevin and my husband dream up the idea of taking our honeymoons together. So we go on a drive to this place where we want to honeymoon to check it out and the entire way, Sarah is being a massive snippy b****. We let it go but its weird. They rush us back to our house because they have some church meeting to go to.

Cut to the day before our wedding. Our rehearsal dinner is planned to be a small event at my in-laws house which is 5 minutes from the church. Only attendants and immediate family are invited. At the church (we are Catholic), our priest whom we are very close to, is explaining some of the rituals that go on in our church that are different than other churches (we are Native American). Before he can even finish explaining, Kevin cuts him off and loudly proclaims that he and Sarah will not take part in these rites because it goes against their religion to which Melissa jumps in and says "I won't do it either!" We were very upset at the rudeness of the situation but felt a little helpless. Our priest finishes his explanation and says that anyone who doesn't wish to partake in any part of the ceremony needs only to step back from it. Mind you, we had gone to their church numerous times for things and even when we felt uncomfortable, never made a scene like this. We let this go though.

After the rehearsal dinner and handing out of gifts to our attendants (all 16 or them) and parents, the girls were supposed to go to the hall and decorate while the guys did who knows what. Of my 6 bridesmaids, only 4 came and we decorated a hall for 300 people by ourselves. Sarah went home, an hour and a half drive, because she and Kevin could not spend the night away from home together, even though we offered to put them up in separate houses! Melissa refused to come because "she hadn't been told about this before" which was a lie because I informed them all several times of the plan. She just went home and did nothing.

Here comes my wedding day and all the ladies are getting ready in the back of the church community center. Melissa sits in her car until the last minute smoking cigarettes. Sarah shows up in the dress but she had an ugly long-sleeved homemade jacket on as well. Never once did she even ask if that was ok or let me know she was going to do that! Thank God the rest of my bridesmaids were actually good people. We get through the ceremony without too much of a hitch. Afterwards, because Kevin was 2nd best man, both he and Sarah are front and center in our wedding pictures. I really regret that. After pictures there is a 2 hour break before the ceremony so the wedding party and our friends who weren't in the wedding party go driving around and hit both sets of parents' houses which are having "in-between" snacking parties. At the very first one (my in-laws), Kevin and Sarah come running out of the house all frantic saying Kevin has gotten a page (and they're hoping its from his mom) and might need to go to work (2 hours away) because he's on call. This guy works in a prison. They go in the house and come running back out apologizing over and over, saying "I have to go, I'll lose my job, there's been a big riot and there's people dead, etc." My new husband and I are sitting there stunned. Finally my husband tells them, "Just go!" and they speed off like someone is dying. We suspected their story wasn't true - it was a little too dramatic - and spent our reception fuming over it. One of my husband's friends worked for a prison in the same place and he told us a week later what we already knew, that there had never been a riot and nothing happened in Kevin's prison that night.

The entire next 2 weeks, Kevin called us 2-3 times a day trying to get us to come down and get fitted for our dress/tux. When my husband returned his tux, he told the girl to just cancel his order for Kevin's wedding. I lost $100 on that dress. We never returned any of his phone calls because not one of them even apologized for ditching us on our wedding day. We took a trip to Washington D.C. the weekend of their wedding and all of our mutual friends didn't go to their wedding either.

To top off the madness, our wedding gift from them was a Happy Birthday card with a little writing and 2 crumpled up ripped up dollars. Very very weird.

Just the other day we got a letter from Sarah saying how much they miss us and they hope we aren't still mad at them (yet still no apology for the way they treated us). I don't think we'll be calling them....
Bridesmaids 0828/03

This past April I attended the wedding of a high school friend, "Anne." Three weeks before the wedding, Anne got into a fight with her bridesmaid, "Bertha," who had also gone to high school with us (I had not kept in touch with Bertha). Bertha came from a nice middle class family but always seemed to want to project the image of being white trash. She did a good job here.

Apparently, while drunk, Anne's fiancé, "Carl," insulted Bertha's new engagement ring while arguing with his friend "Dan", who was Bertha's fiancé. Bertha and Dan stormed off, understandably upset. The next morning, Carl apologized to Dan for losing his head and Dan forgave him, knowing he didn't mean what he said.

Bertha, however, could not forget. She wrote Anne a long, dramatic letter full of all the pent up grievances she had with Anne in the past TEN YEARS, including many petty gripes from high school which none of us could even remember. She also said many nasty things about Anne and her sister, "Ethel," and dropped out of Anne's wedding as well as Ethel's upcoming wedding, in which she was also supposed to be a bridesmaid.

Eventually, Bertha called Anne. She had meant all those nasty things, and was still mad at Anne and Carl, but if Anne still wanted her to be in the wedding, she would deign to do it, for Anne’s sake. Well, Anne wasn't going to beg her to be a bridesmaid after that and told her to forget it. Bertha then asked if she could attend the wedding "as a guest." Why she would want to, if Anne had been so terrible to her for the past ten years, no one knows, but Anne told her she could come.

Fast forward to the wedding. I have been living 3000 miles away and didn't even recognize anyone at the wedding except the bride, her family, and Bertha, whom I had not seen in ten years and was already slightly wary of (having heard about the letter). Unfortunately, I needed a ride to the reception. I wasn't about to ask the bride or her family, so I asked Bertha and Dan if they'd be kind enough to give me a lift. They were. This was dumb.

I didn't ask Bertha about the fight, and at least she spared me the gory details, merely mentioning offhand that she was supposed to be in the wedding but had had an argument with Anne. Then she started to discuss her upcoming wedding, which was planned for 18 months from then. Bertha's wedding was going to be so much better than Anne's, because she wasn't going to have any religious crap, and she already booked her hall and photographer and DJ and bought her dress and the bridesmaids' dresses (she had been engaged for THREE WEEKS) and wasn't going to have to waste anyone's time with trying them on all the time, and her food would be better (keep in mind we have not even been to Anne's reception to see what kind of food they have!), blah, blah, blah.

Then Dan jumped in with comments about how the food is so good at their hall, but only $30 a plate, and "decent people" always give a $100 gift, so even with all the extras they will still come out ahead and make money on the wedding. Which, Dan pointed out, is the whole point of having one, because he would just as soon elope rather than have to deal with putting on a suit and entertaining people, but he needs a new truck. (The one we are riding in is one year old.)

In what seems to be one continuous breath, Dan and Bertha continue to brag about his having declared bankruptcy twice, wonder why they can't afford a house like Anne and Carl, decide Anne and Carl's house is too crappy for them anyway, and criticize me for not having a house (never mind that I am a student, living in an expensive area of the country, and THEY HAVE NO HOUSE EITHER!)

At the reception, Bertha did not say a word to Anne or her family (nor to me, even when I introduced my husband, who had arrived late -- she just smirked). Had I only not been carless in a strange town I could have avoided conversation with Bertha and Dan altogether and not been so upset. Prior to the fight, Bertha had thrown Anne a bridal shower. She had ordered Anne a shower gift, but it hadn't arrived, so Bertha told Anne what it was and that she could expect it at the wedding, along with a larger gift that the shower gift would have complemented.

It later transpires that Bertha and Dan have not purchased the wedding gift they promised Anne, but were instead giving Anne and Carl what Anne KNEW was supposed to be her shower present as a wedding gift. It probably would have been fine not to get them another gift, but they made such a big show of giving it to her as a wedding present that it was tacky. Also, although the gift's monetary value shouldn't matter, it cost $20, thus putting them well below their own threshold for "decent people." Six months later, just before Ethel's wedding (to which she was not invited, even as a guest), Bertha wrote another long letter about how she had no self esteem and everyone was so mean to her and that was why she was the kind of person that she was. Huh.

This was a long story, but trust me, not as long as Bertha's letters.

Bridesmaids 0904/03

We were best friends for three years and she asked me to be her maid of honor in her wedding. I was so happy she asked me. We started planning the wedding and getting everything ready when three months before the wedding she tells me that she changed her mind. The girl that does her nails once a month is now going to be the maid of honor. I asked why, and she said I wasn't around enough so I said I go to school full time and work 40 hours a week. So she said "Oh, well. I'm sorry."

Bridesmaids 0907/03

When I got married, I asked my sister to be MOH and three friends to be bridesmaids. Two of these friends were ladies that I saw quite often, and the third, who I'll call Jezebel, was a friend from college, and former roommate, who had moved to a different city. We didn't see each other very much because while we were living together she had joined an extremely fundamentalist church, which some actually classify as a cult, and she had moved out because she decided she couldn't live with an infidel like me any more. This was five years before the wedding, and we were still in occasional contact, although our friendship was somewhat strained by her continual attempts to convert me. While I respect the right of other people to practice their religion, I don't want it constantly pushed on me and being told that I'm going to go to hell. Nonetheless, I decided to ask her to be a bridesmaid due to our past friendship.

I set a date to look at bridesmaids' dresses. Jezebel came to our city on the bus. I picked her up at the bus depot and took her to our place where she would be staying for the weekend. My fiancé wasn't home, so we sat there catching up. She told me that she had gone to a meeting at her church, where they read a letter from a missionary in Taiwan who was looking for someone to come over and be his secretary for six months. That night, she related excitedly, God had spoken to her in a dream and told her that she was to be that person. The church had agreed to send her, and she just had to save up money for her travel expenses. I thought nothing of it at the time, because we were the only people in the house. But over the course of the weekend, she told the story to everyone we encountered, including many people she had never met before. Rather odd, I thought, but I was accustomed to strange utterances from her by then.

The next day we all went and picked out dresses, which the girls were paying for. The arrangement was that they would each put down a deposit that day, and then pay in installments. This was about five months before the wedding. Jezebel drew me aside and, rather embarrassed, confided in me that she was flat broke and asked me if I would mind lending her the money for the deposit. I was also broke, but I had just enough so I lent it to her. We all then went out for lunch, and of course I paid for her meal too.

Later that night, when I was taking her back to the bus depot to go home, she informed me that she hadn't bought her return ticket, so we needed to stop at a cash machine. I pulled up to a bank and stopped the car, expecting her to go inside and use the machine. "No, um, I don't have any money. Would you be able to buy my ticket?" Very well, I went in and drained my skimpy bank account even further. I should note that Jezebel was a college student and only worked part-time, so it was understandable that she was broke, but it would have been nice to have had some warning that I was going to be paying all these expenses. I kept remembering her planned trip to Taiwan to assist the missionary, and wondered how much money she was squirreling away for that. Whatever. I figured she was going to reserve some money to pay for her dress.

The other bridesmaids had a shower for me about a month before the wedding. She was unable to come up for it, but she told one of the other girls that she would send me a gift. So I received a package in the mail from her. I opened it at the shower in front of everyone, to find... a pair of shoes! She had sent her shoes that she was going to wear for the wedding, as I had asked all the girls to do so that I could get them dyed all together, to match the dresses. All the girls were paying for their own dye jobs, but she had enclosed a note to say that she couldn't afford it, so guess what, I was paying for that too. Everyone at the shower had a good laugh about the "gift."

Fast forward to two weeks before the wedding. The dresses were due to come in any day, and the girls were to come in for a final fitting. She called me and said that she was very sorry, but she didn't think she could be a bridesmaid because she hadn't been able to pay anything at all on the dress. Now if it had been any of the other girls, I could have just accepted her "resignation" and gotten someone else who could have worn the dress. However, Jezebel was a very large girl and I didn't think there was any way her dress could have been altered to fit anyone else in such a short time frame, so I felt I had no choice but to offer to pay the whole cost of the dress. Her dress was more expensive than the others because it was in such a large size and they had to use extra material. By now I was thoroughly exasperated with her, but managed to have a civil conversation with her. I asked her how the planning was going for her trip to Taiwan. Her response, "Oh, just fine. My church is helping me."

Imagine my surprise when I got a letter in the mail two days later from her church. They were appealing for money to "help Jezebel get to Taiwan." Contrary to what I had been led to believe, it wasn't a paid job, so she needed money not only for her plane tickets, but also for six months of living expenses in Taiwan! I heard from other acquaintances that got the same letter. She had given our names and addresses to her church! Needless to say, none of us donated for fear of ending up on their mailing list permanently.

So the wedding day finally arrived. Of course when we all went to have our hair done that morning, surprise, she had no money, so my mom paid for her. And for the pre-wedding lunch. She was supposed to be staying at a hotel with the other out-of-town guests, but one of the other bridesmaids offered to let her stay at her place, much to her husband's horror.

I didn't know it at the time, but Jezebel was standing at the front of the church praying to herself during the whole ceremony. The other bridesmaids were incredulous that I couldn't hear her muttering. I was relieved!

During the gift opening, when I opened the card from Jezebel, there was no gift in it, but a long rambling letter about how happy she was that she had been "saved" and how much she wished that I could be "saved" too. I wasn't even expecting anything from her by this point. Afterwards, the bridesmaid who had let Jezebel stay at her house asked me what we had gotten for a gift from her. When I told her, she shook her head in disgust. She had told Jezebel to take the money she would have spent on the hotel and add it to our wedding gift! From this we concluded that she never had any intention of giving us a gift other than that letter. We were even wondering if she had ever intended to stay at the hotel at all. She was probably going to beg someone for accommodation, and the other bridesmaid saved her the trouble!

Our wedding was 15 years ago and it was the last time I saw Jezebel. She phoned me about three years later. I asked her how the trip to Taiwan went. "Well, actually, I didn't go because I couldn't come up with enough money. But the church had collected about $3,000 in the fund, so they turned it over to me." Nice one! I wish my church would do that for me!

Bridesmaids 0910/03

My cousin, E, has been best friends with K for over 10 years. They have shared the best of times and the worst of times. When K became engaged, my cousin was of course thrilled for her. At the time, K asked E to be her maid of honor. E accepted, and began helping K plan the perfect wedding. Keep in mind, that E had just finished college and had started a job two states away from where K lived and the wedding was to take place. The planning started close to a year before the wedding date. E knew that K gets stressed out easily, so she wanted to do as much to help as possible. E traveled numerous times to K's home state to help her pick out dresses, go to bridal shows, etc. E also hosted one shower and attended two others in the brides honor, and hosted a bachelorette party for K. At all times, K introduced E to everyone as her MOH. Finally, the big day arrives. E takes yet another two days off of work in order to get to K's home state the day before the wedding to help her with last minute errands. They have a lovely day together, K saying several times how glad she was to have E there to help. Then comes the rehearsal. When the minister asks who the MOH is, K responds "G" - that's right, after all the time and money E spent helping K, she gets replaced as the maid of honor the night before the ceremony. K didn't even have the decency to tell E beforehand in private. E was, of course, devastated, but didn't want to cause a scene by asking K what was going on. E has been too hurt to ever ask K what happened, and K has never offered to explain. I guess all MOH's should get their position put in writing.

Bridesmaids 0910/03

My story is about my husband's best man. I don't know that I would classify him a 'beastman', because despite the story I am about to tell, he was a fine best man. A few days before the wedding "Carl" calls my husband to tell him that he had just let his girlfriend dye his hair. My husband-to-be puts his hand over the mouthpiece to tell me this and to ask me, and I quote, "Is it okay if Carl has purple hair?" Um...Carl had very nice, dark curly hair, so in picturing purple hair I'm thinking something along the lines of deep plum highlights, and think maybe it won't be so bad. Day before the wedding, we go to the bus station to pick up Carl, and here he comes off the bus, his lovely curly hair cut short and spiky and died a very bright, very lilac color. Not plum, not a deep purple, but a pure, pastel lilac! My bridesmaids dresses were floral, with rose-pink and greenish/blue type flowers (I can't remember the exact colors) and my first thought was, "He's going to clash with the dresses." My second thought was no one is going to remember the bride! If he walked down the aisle with this bright purple hair that would be the only thing people remembered from my wedding! Carl was very kind about the whole thing, and he and my husband stopped at a hairdressers on the way for the tuxes to try to fix it. Because his girlfriend had bleached his hair before dying it purple, the stylist was unable to re-dye it, or something, so they wound up basically shaving him almost bald then adding a dark color. He no longer looked like a munchkin, and I was happy, but unfortunately he spent the wedding looking like he'd just gotten out of an army prison camp. Eleven years later and I still love terrifying new brides-to-be with this story.

Bridesmaids 0910/03

Hi. My story's pretty brief. Basically, right before the wedding party was about to descend the stairs, making our grand entrance into the reception, my MOH (my sister) and my husband's sister got into a fistfight about who's scarf had the more elaborate rhinestone pattern! (We broke it up before they did any real damage!)Mortifying at the time for me, the bride, but really, really, funny now, 3 years later!

Bridesmaids 0911/03

I feel the need to be indignant on my dear DIL's behalf. She was marrying my son about a year after having met him. She negotiated a wonderful wedding package at a local hotel from $10,000 down to $4,000. Unfortunately, she got laid off before it was even half paid off. My DS barely made enough to keep them afloat. DIL's mom and dad earn twice what DH and I do...they refused to put any money into the wedding and in fact informed my DIL they would not attend unless she paid for their hotel room (they live 6 hours away). She in fact paid for their hotel room, but since DH and I had to pay off the wedding, I guess you could say we paid for them.

Came the wedding day and her MOH (old high school friend) calls to say she is going to be late but will definitely be there. The wedding is delayed a half-hour...an hour...now an hour and a half. I am talking to the other BM, the MOH's sister, and find that the MOH had said several days before that if her sister, who is 2 years younger than DIL and MOH, and was also a close friend in high school, was at the wedding then she, MOH, wasn't coming. DIL kept insisting that she had talked to MOH and gotten her to see how unreasonable this was. And besides, she called and said she was coming...She never showed and the ceremony went on without her. I thought it was lovely, but DIL almost had hysterics when she realized her mother and I had signed as witnesses to the wedding ceremony. She had planned it for the Best Man and the MOH who still never showed up.

The MOH has made excuses and my DIL still has her in their life which I think is a BIG mistake- this MOH person just keeps yanking her around emotionally and trying to screw them over financially...All I can do after she disrespected me, my DH, and his sister at the shower was to tell my DS and DDIL that MOH is not welcome in my house and is to never be here, even if I am away...

Bridesmaids 0921/03

Hi-my second submission and I loooooooove your site! Not sure if you'll think I'M the one at fault here and have no doubt that you'll respond on the site if I am!

I have this friend "Marcia" who I had been friends with for 10 years. I met her and her husband through a romantic relationship that has since ended. I meet a great guy who proposes and I promptly ask "Marcia" to be a bridesmaid - she says "yes".

Not wanting to be a bridezilla I involve my bridesmaids in choosing their dresses (I contemplated letting them choose their own to fit the occasion until one of them suggests I get chicken wings as part of the reception meal and decided to just keep them in the loop but make the final decision). I used the Internet to look for dresses to fit their very varied body styles. "Marcia" is very thin and would look good in almost anything - as a matter of fact, every dress I emailed out that would accommodate (read: a bra with straps would be required) my more full-chested bridesmaid is met with Marcia's disapproval. I'm sure they all decided I was now most definitely a bridezilla because I just chose the dress - while trying to do the right thing and letting them have a hand in the dress style was making this process take entirely too long.

The dress is beautiful (NO butt bows, loud colors or poufy sleeves), available all over and pretty reasonably priced ($150). Of course Marcia complains about the price and that she liked one that was cheaper ($80 - and much too sexy in my opinion). She makes several comments about this even though I have continually lent or given items of clothing over the years to Marcia and Marcia's daughter whenever they had formal events - they hardly ever had to purchase anything outright because of this and, come to think of it, they still have a few items.

During the wedding planning, Marcia gets into a major blowout with her husband and contemplates divorce. I suggest counseling but she disagrees (in my opinion, because the therapist will tell her that she drinks too much). I ask her why she doesn't think counseling is an option and she says she doesn't agree with it (even though she's a medical office manager and helps people through emotional issues all the time). We go back and forth a bit on this and wind up just not talking for several months.

My family throws an engagement party and invites Marcia and her husband (she's still supposed to be a bridesmaid right?). The invitation includes an RSVP. 5 days before the party, Marcia hasn't RSVP'd so I give her a call. We have a discussion about our previous disagreement but I won't go into that here - I just tell her to please give my father a call and let him know if he can expect them at the party, she says she's not sure if they can make it but will call my dad. You can see where this is going - no RSVP and no show at the party.

A month or so later and it's time to order the bridesmaid dresses. I send them all an email letting the local ladies know where we're meeting and asking if a certain time works for them. Marcia responds that she has to work so I call the store and ask them for a deadline for her to get measured and order the dress. I email Marcia what the deadline is and, of course, she fails to meet it. Since we're still not talking, I assume she no longer wishes to be a bridesmaid and move on since I'm pretty irritated that she won't just call/email me to let me know.

A month before the wedding she calls me! Wants my fiancé and I to come over for dinner! She "misses" us! Well I'll be, guess we should hurry up and get over there for dinner right? I don't think so. I tell her that she was incredibly rude about the bridesmaid/dress issue as well as the party issue and that she doesn't get to decide when our friendship should resume - friendships are a 2-way street I've always thought. Haven't heard from her since - a real shame to let a 10-year old friendship end because of this.

Bridesmaids 0916/03

I asked my friend "Melissa," whom I had known since kindergarten to be a bridesmaid in my wedding and she agreed. She complained about  absolutely everything from the date I picked for the wedding to the places I chose to register. Those seem mild in comparison to what she did 2 weeks before my wedding. 

"Melissa" got in a big fight with my sister who was my maid of honor because she planned a vacation right after my shower and couldn't afford to pay for anything. My sister had not only paid her end of the shower but was covering "Melissa's" as well. After that incident, she didn't talk to me at all until I called her 2 weeks before the wedding. She then tells me that she decided she just didn't want to be in my wedding anymore. She claims that my sister was mean to her and everyone was calling her selfish and it wasn't true. She couldn't be in the same area with my sister and the rest of the wedding party because of the way she was being treated. 

I told her I was coming to get the bridesmaid dress so that someone else could wear it. "Melissa" told me I could have the dress if I paid for it. First of all she backed out on me and second she still owed my sister money. I asked her if she planned on paying my sister back and she no so I told her I was not going to pay for the dress. She said if I wasn't paying her for it I couldn't have it. So I drove to her house took out my checkbook and wrote her check. I put the dress in the car drove directly to bank and canceled the check. I would have given anything to see the look on her face when tried to cash that check.

Bridesmaids 1007/03

Let's see if I can get this correct...the AWOL bridesmaid owed the bride's sister money for her share of the shower.  It's unclear whether the AWOL bridesmaid ever agreed to share the expense of the shower.  As we've read many a time here, some bridesmaids get surprised with a bill for their "share" of the cost of a shower when there had been no prior financial commitment. 

The bride wants the bridesmaid's dress which the AWOL won't give to her unless the bride reimburses her for it.

Bride writes a check and then cancels it.  She has, in effect, committed check fraud and stolen the dress to be worn by another bridesmaid.  

Not a particularly honorable, legal or appropriate way to have handled this situation. 

When I was pregnant, my closest friend in the world, who I have known since I was 5 (we are now 29) "Daniella" was sooo excited and couldn't wait for the arrival of my beautiful bub. I was also getting married a few months later (bub was very unexpected).

I never expected a baby shower to be thrown by friends, but as an expectant first time mother who did not have a job at the time (no one would hire me because of my pregnancy) I thought that it might be nice for a few family and friends to get together for a nice lunch/baby shower. I arranged all of this myself as my sister lives in another state and my friend Daniella was too caught up in her own little world to worry about such things. The day turned out brilliantly. I made little presents to give all that attended to show my appreciation for them coming and the little gifts that they had given (none was expected, I just wanted the support of friends and family) Daniella, however never showed up.

After I had given birth to my beautiful bub, I called her from my hospital bed (after I had an emergency cesarean) to say hello and let her know that I had a baby boy. She said that she couldn't talk because she was with her boyfriend and would call me back. I gave her my direct room number and waited for her call. And waited, and waited, and waited. Finally, three days after being discharged from hospital (which was Mothers Day in Australia) she decided to call to say congratulations and she wanted to come over to give me a present. We were going over to my future mother in laws house and said that we would not be at home as we were going to visit my future in-laws. Daniella then decides that this is just not on and then sees to it that it is her mission not to talk to me. The present that I got for my baby, I already had, and she was there with me when I got the original one. She decided to get it a size bigger (which I have no problem with as he can wear it next year).

All the while she is also supposed to be my maid of honor at my wedding. This may sound a little selfish and lazy, but I thought that the maid of honor was supposed to help out the bride with a few things, for example, picking out the bridesmaid dresses, my veil, gifts etc etc, you get the picture.

This was all left up to me to do (by this time my baby was about 3 months old and I was also working part time by this stage so that I could help pay for everything). Also, no hens’ night was arranged by her, so again up to me to organize. Although it was small, a joint B.B.Q for a few family and very close friends, she did not even attend because she was going out with her boyfriend that night to a nightclub and could not change her plans (although she had known about this for weeks).

I felt like telling her to take a long walk off a short pier, but I am not that type of person, and couldn't do that to anyone, not even my worst enemy. Family and other friends kept telling me to leave her out of the bridal party, but by this stage I had already organized everything including dresses, flowers, cars, menu's etc etc and paid for everything in advance....

As it turned out, my wedding day went really well, although it was a bit windy. My husband and I have now been married for two months and our baby is five months (and absolutely beautiful). We do not really have much to do with Daniella (she still hasn't paid for her dress) and to be honest, I'm not really bothered. I personally think that I am better off without the worry and her!!!
Bridesmaids 1015/03

I am an innkeeper at a famous  Mansion here in upstate New York. We get alot of brides here and their attitude can no doubt be horrendous. But the Bridesmaids behavior often infuriates me to no end.

Now I am no expert on Getting Married or Marriage Etiquette. However, Isn't the primary function of a bridesmaid to fawn over the bride and make sure things run smoothly? I think it is, but obviously the majority of bridemaids I have encountered here don't feel the same way.

For example. as an innkeeper we provide champagne glasses and wine glasses etc. for those guest who want them and will even provide a tray for you to put those glasses on. But it is the bridesmaid job to get off their duff and come downstairs to get these things. I can't stop checking other guests in and stop doing my job as an innkeeper just to run around like I'm the bride's personal assistant.

One time, a bridesmaid called me from the brides room and asked me to order a bottle of champagne for them and have it delivered. Not an unreasonable request. However, when I asked her what kind of champagne she wanted she said she didn't know and then proceeded to ask me what kind of champagne the liquor store had like I was some waitress at the local pub. I don't mind doing stuff for people but this was just plain stupid. She called back when she finally decided and get this: they wanted it delivered within 15 minutes or not at all. Not an easy thing to ask the guy at the liquor store but he did it. I brought up a tray of champagne glasses and their champagne and entertained the brides photographer while she kept him waiting for over a half an hour. She gave me a 20 tip for the guy who delivered the champagne and ended up giving me nothing but an attitude. How nice! For the love of god and what’s left of humanity, don't be this kind of guest or bridesmaid.

Bridesmaids 1211/03

A very good friend of mine got engaged and asked me to be a bridesmaid last August. I was happy for her as she's been living with her fiancé for close to four years and had wanted this for a long time. It seemed that attending over eight weddings that summer finally got him moving. Since we had gone to so many weddings for the past year (sometimes in the wedding party), she understood that many of us (her bridesmaids) were pretty much broke. The bride decided that the best way to keep all the dresses within everyone's budget was to have us pick them out ourselves. She picked out this burgundy color and told us to try and buy all the dresses from the same company so that they were all the same shade. This was fine as the company she chose had many different styles of dresses for different price ranges. Once we saw a dress we liked on the company's website we were supposed to email her the picture so she could approve it or tell us to keep looking. Since she was getting married in a temple, and the groom's family was very religious, some styles may have been too racy. Everything seemed to be going fine, especially since all of the bridesmaids seemed to like the same dress. Enter the bridesmaid from hell.

Since the groom was very close to his uncle and asked him to be an usher, the bride decided to ask his wife to be one of the bridesmaids. We'll call her K. K was very materialistic and has been spoiled all her life. At first, she was pleased with the idea of picking out her own dress. That meant that she could get something more expensive and flashier then the rest of us. The first dress she chose was not from the website we were all directed to, so of course it wasn't exactly the same color. It was a bright fire engine red with sequins all over. It was completely inappropriate for the wedding. The bride said no, and directed her to the website the rest of us were looking at for the second time. She refused to look at the same website the rest of us "poor" people were going to, stating that it was beneath her. Finally, after her husband pleaded and begged with her, she took a look at it. At this time, most of us had already picked out the same dress. Apparently, our tastes were not as beneath her as she thought since she liked the same dress. The bride was ecstatic and announced that we all picked out the same thing and we would all match. K was not happy. She refused to go down the aisle in the same dress as the rest of us. She even threatened to take her husband, and her two children (the ring bearers) out of the wedding. To try and keep the peace, the bride asked everyone to look for another dress. Since the bride didn't want to be a complete pushover however, she announced that her sister, the MOH, would get to wear the dress as she was the one who found it first. It sounded fair enough to me and the one other bridesmaid, but K was furious again. She said everyone would be looking at her and so she had to have the most flattering dress. The bride refused to give in, and K pulled her family out of the wedding party.

The rest of this story I'm not so clear on. It's been a couple of months and no one has heard from K or her husband. Finally her husband called his nephew (the groom) and asked if there was any way the bride could accommodate K with the dresses. He really wanted to be part of his nephew’s day, but it would be impossible unless the bride made up with K. The groom then went to the bride and begged for his uncle, since he wanted him there too. None of us had paid for the dresses yet, so the bride decided to try again. She scrapped the whole burgundy color, and decided everyone was going to be in black and white. Now we could go anywhere for our dresses since she didn't have to worry about getting the right shade. K was happy with that since she could once again go to a more expensive place to pick something out. There were some other minor problems with her, but in the end she and her family walked down the aisle. Unfortunately, since K was family, the bride couldn't just stop speaking to her, but she has been cool to her ever since.

Bridesmaids 1223/03

The MoH at my wedding refused to spend more than $100 on a bridesmaid dress. To appease her we chose a dress that was on clearance and cost only $40 and let her wear shoes she already owned. She repaid us by stealing the photographer away from the ceremony to take professional pictures of her and her boyfriend. Now that boyfriend is her fiancé and my wife is one of the bridesmaids. The list of "required" costs keeps going on and on... dress: $140, alterations for the oddly sized dress: $100 (she insists on us paying a professional to do it), professional hairstyle $60, manicure and pedicure $50, shoes $25, 1/6th of *two* fancy hotel rooms for the bachelorette party, and on and on. We live on the other side of the country so this is on top of travel costs. My wife is spending more being a bridesmaid in this wedding than she did being the bride in our wedding! And this "friend" was at the time of our wedding and has since been making good money at a technology company, while my wife is supporting the two of us and has been while I’ve been unable to find work for over a year now. The bride balked when we suggested that I don't go to cut the travel expenses in half, instead offering that "You guys don't have to get us BOTH a wedding and engagement present." How generous.

Bridesmaids 1229/03

Prior to one of my best friends' wedding I was disappointed to find out that I would not be included as one of her bridesmaids. However, after learning that she had chosen to only include family in her bridal party I shook off the disappointment and offered to help her in any way possible. My friend went out of her way to include me in such important tasks as choosing her bridal gown, which touched me very deeply and really honored our friendship. However, as time went on it became evident what awful bridesmaids she had chosen.

Lisa chose her fiancé’s two sisters and her two brothers' wives as her bridesmaids. One of her bridesmaids was with us on the day that she chose her dress. After the final discussion was made about the bride's dress, we continued on to see the bridesmaid dress that Lisa had chosen. She specifically invited that particular bridesmaid that afternoon because she wanted to make sure that her most self-conscious maid would be comfortable in the dress she wanted to select. Jennie, the bridesmaid, tried on the dress and approved it to be ordered.

Weeks before the wedding, she called me to say that Jennie had declared the dress unflattering, and was threatening to wear it only for the pictures (if at all) before changing into something else for the reception. I was there when she first tried on the gown and can assure you that the bride had offered to select something else if Jennie was uncomfortable.

At this point it became obvious that none of the bridesmaids were planning to throw a bachelorette party, so another friend and I decided to do so. Knowing that the bride was not a stripper and beer type girl, we suggested going to a spa for the day and went out of our way to find one which would be truly affordable for all. We made sure that they had a day pass for just $20 for use of all the facilities if a guest chose not to have a treatment. Well, one of the bridesmaids informed us that she couldn't get away for a whole Sunday because she had children. Meanwhile, her husband is the bride's brother and I know for a fact that he doesn't work on weekends, and that the bride's mother would have been happy to baby-sit (as she does often). Her fiancé’s sisters were 17 years old and in college respectively, so could not be expected to attend due to distance, although we did choose a spa very close to the college specifically. Then the fourth bridesmaid decided that we shouldn't have a big bachelorette party because she was having a bridal shower two weeks before and didn't want it upstaged. Although the two events were totally separate she continued to do everything she could to dissuade us from the party.

My co-party-planner and I revised our plans and chose a local restaurant known for bachelorette parties followed by dancing at a 70's and 80's music club afterward because of its reputation of being fun for people of all temperaments and ages. The two local bridesmaids agreed to come with us (after they made us rearrange the plans a bit more to accommodate them). The night before the party both brothers' wives canceled their participation. After making us cancel the spa plan they just decided not to come. One claimed that the 30-minute commute was too long, and the other made an equally weak excuse.

In the end the bride, myself and just two other friends ended up going out to dinner followed by meeting two of my good friends and some of their coworkers for a couple of drinks and dancing at a local bar. They really rose to the occasion and helped us make a great big deal of the bride, turning it into a truly special night after all. We followed our dancing with an old fashioned slumber party at my house and managed to have a really great time, no help had from the bridesmaids.

A final nightmare note. Upon arriving at the wedding I noticed that the bridesmaids were mingling at the cocktail hour which took place before the ceremony. I saw the MOB and I asked if I could poke my head into the bridal suite to congratulate the bride and get a sneak peak at the dress I had helped her select. Her mother urged me to go, even though I felt like I might be causing a breach in etiquette by trespassing on a private time. I was so glad I followed my instinct to check up on Lisa when I found her in the bridal suite all by herself! The bride's maids had all left her alone, not wanting to miss the cocktail hour. I ended up sitting with her while she ate a little of the food that the attendant brought to her during the rest of the time before the wedding. I ended up having a really special time with the bride (an old, old friend) in the 45 minutes before the craziness of the ceremony and reception began, and was very honored that I was able to be there for her, but I still can't believe how thoroughly her bridesmaids neglected her.

After seeing what Lisa went through, I know that when it comes time for me to pick bridesmaids I will pick those who I care about rather than those who I feel obligated to include!

Bridesmaids 1229/03